A Different Heart 1
Disclaimer: This is just a story. No more, no less. If any of the events here seem true, trust me that it's not the case. No quickie here (there's soooo many on the web already :P). I do not own anything which has a copyright of its own quoted in here. I only own my life and what goes along with it. This is a subtle story and any explicit scenes may occur only on certain occasions. After you've read some other stories on this site which gets your blood pumping, I hope this story will help soothe your hearts in a different manner.
Synopsis: Raikko, who grew up wearing girls' clothes and believing he's the prettiest princess there ever was, suddenly changes his views and understanding of himself. A stormtrooper in some costume party armed with a blaster rifle was the trigger to which Raikko responded, allowing the modest and slow changes that occured in him over the years to well up and make him want to be a real boy. What he doesn't fully know is that the heart responds to neither appearances nor the dictates of others. With his best friends Mattie and Alex, they explore the nuances of the heart and discover how sparks fly and fizzle. A different heart, but a boy's one - inside and out.
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© MFTH 2015
A Different Heart
Chapter 1 - In the Beginning...
"God created man in his image;
in the divine image he created him;
male and female he created them."
"Reading the bible again?"
The little boy was slightly startled from the sudden intrusion. Only half an hour earlier, he began reading the first chapter of the most difficult book he had come to know by far while snugly lying on his tummy on his bed. He turned his gaze away from the verses and looked at the welcome disturbance who was now sitting beside him.
"Hi, mom," he greeted, a small smile adoring his face.
"It's still a wonder how you can read so well at your age," his mother commented, "and you're even more interested in the bible than in any other books for your age, darling."
The little boy turned and lay partly on his side with the bible still left open in the page he was reading. As his mom leaned in closer, he let her brush his hair slightly sideways and gently kiss his forehead. Dissatisfied, he brought his arms around his mom's neck and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek.
"That's `coz you're the best teacher ever," he said. "And those other books are for babies," he added, wrinkling his nose in disgust.
"Oh, love. I can't be the best teacher without you being the best student," she argued. Gently taking her son's arms off her, she said, "Now tell me which verse you were reading. I found you so fixated on it that you almost jumped off the bed when I came in."
"Fixated?"
"So into it, darling. It was like you were about to eat the whole book."
The boy laughed at this, but soon turned back to the bible and showed his mom the exact verse he was so fixated on earlier. He pointed out the lines, carefully running his forefinger over each word as if wanting to understand the whole thing just by touching that exact verse. Ever since reading his first ABC's book and hundreds of books after that, the bible was still the most difficult to understand. The meaning wasn't in the pages, his dad told him. He needed to find it somewhere else, but the right time will always be right there and by then he'd understand.
"Does this really bother you, love?" his mom asked after reading the short prose, feeling concerned herself that her son was pondering on the subject.
The boy nodded and she sighed.
"Do you believe in what your father tells you?" she asked and the boy nodded. "Do you believe in what I tell you?" Again, another nod. "Then listen, okay? Trust in your dad when he said that the right time will come when you'll understand what the bible says. And trust in me when I say that no one and no book that will ever come under your nose can and will change who you are. You're God's gift to us and he created you for the same reason he created...your aunt Rachel..."
"But she's not nice," the boy interrupted which earned him a loving pinch on his nose.
"I know, dear. What I'm saying is that no matter who you are or who we all are, we are all the same in God's eyes. He made all of us out of his love, male or female...princes or princesses. You believe me?"
It took several pondering seconds before the boy nodded slowly then proceeded to hug his mom. He still couldn't understand everything, but he knew that faith was more than just understanding the technicalities of grammar and vocabulary or of verses and prose. His dad told him that. And the bible was a book of faith.
"We love you, dear," his mom whispered, kissing his head. "Now I know a certain someone who forgot his tiara in the living room."
The boy withdrew from the hug and giggled. He pushed himself up on his bed, wrinkling his dress in the process before turning beautifully for his mom to see. They both started laughing before the boy bowed down a little to let his mom put the tiara on his head. His fringe fell over his eyes and the curls at the end brushed down his neck. When the tiara was set, he jumped off the bed and ran to look at himself in the mirror. He was pretty, he thought. He pursed his lips into a smile, held his dress at the sides and turned once more like a princess would for everyone to see.
"I'm a beautiful princess!" he exclaimed at his mom's reflection in the mirror.
"Yes, you are," she agreed. "You always are."
He beamed at his reflection and instantly forgot what got him so fixated earlier. However, he knew for certain that no one and no book can and will ever change who he is. He believed his mom and dad. But more importantly, he believed in what his heart was telling him.
In the beginning and in the end, he was a princess.
* * *
"Raikko! We're gonna be late!"
At the sound of his mom's distress call, Raikko rushed downstairs from his room while taking careful leaps and turns before jumping into the backseat of their car. His mom was looking sternly at him over her shoulder. He smiled apologetically and made himself look perfectly innocent.
"Honey, I know it takes time to look as perfect as you do, but time is not on our side right now, okay?"
"I know, mom," he replied. "So let's talk later and you start driving?"
His mom put on an annoyed expression before saying, "Don't start with that smart mouth of yours."
"Sorry," he mumbled. "It's just that..."
"I know, dear. And you look beautiful," she cut him off.
"I do?"
She smiled before turning her head towards the road and started the engine.
It had been six years since Raikko began reading the bible. And in that time span, he still could not understand that one verse which disturbed him the most. Now barely over 12 years old, he still held onto what his dad and mom told him. The right time would present itself and regardless of who he'll meet and which books he'll read, he'd always be who he is.
"You're the prettiest princess there is, dear," his mom said, boosting his confidence as always.
"Thanks, mom," he replied with his once high pitched voice starting to change, smiling at his mom's reflection in the rear-view mirror.
"Do you want me to wait outside for you?"
"We talked about this, remember?" he said.
"Okay, I know, I know," she almost sighed. "But..."
"Mom," he whined, "It's just a costume party. They won't know a single thing. Trust me."
This time, his mom sighed loudly. In the years that passed since Raikko showed who he really is, there had been a lot of talks between him and his parents. In one of those conversations, they discussed the biological differences between a boy and a girl. Raikko listened so heartily to that particular subject. It took no time, of course, to establish his biological identity. He did not dare to question the fact that, for one, that tiny thing that stuck out of his groin proved a point along with those equally small bits underneath it. His mom called it the penis and scrotum. He childishly called it his ding-dong which eventually changed its name to pecker and lastly to simply being called as his dick. The subject was not so hard to discuss since his mom was a teacher by profession and she could easily navigate through the whole penis and vagina thing effortlessly, healthily and professionally. But, when the time came to discuss the other kind of identity, it took her and her husband some more careful research and bilateral discussions before inviting their son for another talk.
Raikko, then, knew the difference between a girl and a boy. Not only biologically so, but also gender-wise. Even after that long talk, Raikko was still convinced that he was a boy, biologically and socially. When asked to ponder on why he dressed up as a girl, he could only come up with the modest response of, `It doesn't matter what I wear. It's only everyone else who give meaning to everything. I'm a boy who dresses up as a girl and I don't mind.'
To say that his parents were proud of such a mature answer from an eight-year-old would be an understatement. They were impressed with how their son's perspective on certain things evolved not from the outside influence of society, but purely from his own. However, they also knew that these certain things cannot be left alone and untouched. The world worked that way. People tend to manifest their own perspective on others and some have even committed their lives to changing the things that did not reflect their views and beliefs. It was from these people that Raikko's parents vowed to protect him. And in such regard, they agreed to home-school him. It may have been a hasty decision at first, but they wanted so much to protect their son from bullies and homophobes.
At one point, even, they also discussed the possibility of being transgender just out of concern. Still, Raikko insisted that he was a boy. And much to his parents' amazement, their son only said the he, `...like what I am given and don't want to change anything. I think I only have a different heart from other boys.'
They had laughed at their son's argument which awarded them with a pout. Soon after, they all just hugged it out and had dinner as any family should.
"...mom. Mom!"
Raikko's mom turned her thoughts back to the present and stared at his son's reflection.
"You make a left turn at the next corner," Raikko reminded.
"I know," she said, but all her mind could come up with were thoughts of other people finding out and ridiculing her pride and joy.
"It's okay, mom. I'll be fine. There will be lots of other princesses there and I'm sure everyone can't tell the difference between me and them. It's not like they're gonna come up to me and say, `Hey, you're a boy,'" Raikko argued. "I can take care of myself."
"I know, honey. I'm just...scared and excited at the same time. I mean, it's your first costume party where you don't even know everyone there."
"I know Alex and Mattie."
"They're your friends, Rai," she rebutted. "They know you already and they don't have a problem with that."
Turning left at the next corner, Raikko's mom slowed down in hopes of also slowing time. She thought of waiting outside the venue or maybe even lurking behind the crowd just to make sure her son was safe and having fun. But, as Raikko insisted that he can handle himself, she had no other choice but to trust him. After all, Raikko trusted her and her husband all these years. It was time to let their boy grow up even if growing up meant dressing up as a princess in some costume party where lots of other kids with their harsh understanding of the world would be.
"We're here, mom."
She slowed down to a stop and immediately scanned their surroundings. True to her expectation and to Raikko's argument, there were lots of kids coming in as monsters, heroes, pirates, stormtroopers and princesses in pink dresses. She turned to look at her son once more. If Raikko had not grown his hair to shoulder-length, anyone would suspect his choice of costume. But, she also noticed how Raikko did look like a true princess. It was hard to distinguish him from a bunch of other kids in pink gowns. They would all portray their costumes perfectly.
"Okay, now, always keep your phone with you," she reminded. "Call me anytime, okay?"
"Geez, mom," Raikko said, rolling his eyes. "You're a nervous wreck. Can't you at least say, `Have fun?'"
She sighed and leaned over her seat, motioning for Raikko to move closer. She kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "Have fun, my little princess."
Raikko smiled and nodded excitedly. He pushed the car door open and almost ran toward the building before turning on his heels and saying something.
"Be here at eight, okay?"
"I will," his mom replied, shifting gears once more before having to drive off. Then, she blew a kiss at Raikko and waved goodbye just as her son shut the door. Even with so many voices arguing inside her head, she resolved to only listen to one.
I'll be fine, Raikko had said and she trusted that with all her heart.
~ End of Chapter ~
And there you have it. My heart has been nudged once again by something...more like an inpiration really. It's been almost a year since the last story I got posted here titled Press Play. During that time, a lot has changed. In me and everything else. Be that as it may, I hope I'll still be welcome around here and that all of you would continue to send me your wonderful messages. There will be times that I may not be able to reply. It's not that I don't listen to all of you. It's just that I have other things to do. Writing isn't my profession. It's just an escape for me, but when other things have their grip around me, I may postpone any form of escape. I'd really love to hear from you. And I send my warmest gratitude in advance for the time you spent on this particular write-up. Lastly, I'd like to apologize for any mistakes, grammatical or otherwise, that may have irked you. Please do understand. I am willing to learn and I welcome any advice you have to offer. Thanks so much and I love you all! <3
Oh and for those of you who have come to know my writing style and have stumbled upon one or two of my other write-ups, I dropped in some easter eggs in the story. Well, I just feel it proper to honour the characters that I have given life to in the past by having the characters here in their namesake. I know I left some stories unfinished some time ago, but it's sometimes so difficult to revive them after such a long time of blandness in my mind. Call it writer's block. However, the characters here are entirely different from the ones in the other stories. They may have the same personalities or, by some freak accident, different worlds crossed over. (I may just consider that for my succeeding stories XD). Any writer, whether by profession or not, knows how hard it is to leave their brain-children. This may not apply to every writer, but it's true for me. So, in honour of those stories which got me started and still moving forward, I present to you this humble work, A Different Heart. Thank you so much and I really, really do mean it from this own heart of mine.
Say hi to me here :D: krispykrimson@gmail.com
Lots of Love,
Oran