The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities are completely coincidental. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. If such content offends you leave now. The author maintains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written consent from the author. Write Bobby at brokendreamboi@yahoo.com with your comments.
A Life So Changed 09
So, I have been lying to Jared ever since the first day back in school. That was the day that I took a sip of Vodka, but not on purpose. It's been three weeks since then. And almost everyday I have had thoughts of drinking and drugs. My mind is like screwing with me just for laughs. I've tried to fight against the thoughts, but it's no use.
"You okay, Kev? You're not eating at all." Jared asked me. That's another thing about these thoughts. They've kept me detained and guilt stricken and it has completely killed my appetite. The way I used to eat is a thing in the past now. One thing that I have done right was telling Tamara about everything that's been happening. She was stunned that I drank and have been having these thoughts. She told me that I really should tell Jared, that he'd help me. But what does she know?
"Yes, I'm fine! How many times are you gonna ask me that?" I snapped. Jared looked at me sadly then looked away. "I'm...I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired."
"Yeah, tired."
Since that little slip a few weeks ago I've been on edge. My appetite is also to blame for that. I get a little testy when I don't eat often, but what do you do if you don't feel hungry?
When we got home after school things weren't any less tense. We have actually been kind of drifting apart from each other. I'm scared that I might be losing him. Of course, if I'd told him the truth then maybe it wouldn't be as bad as it is right now.
This silence between us was killing me. As if the stress from drinking wasn't bad enough, I had to worry about our relationship. My urges were becoming more real. I was so close to just finding old drinking buddies and partying. But I can't. When I think about it, though, Jared wanted me to stop drinking for him. Was I actually doing it for me? Well, I guess I kind of was, but mostly for Jared. That's not right at all. I should've been quitting for me, not anyone else.
"Want something to eat?" Jared asked a little too coldly.
"Actually I was thinking we could go out tonight." I asked in a questioning tone.
"No, I think I'd rather stay home." he said, walking past me without a glance.
"Fine," I said flatly. I grabbed my keys and walked outside to my car. I drove to a restaurant downtown and ordered one of my favorites, black tie pasta. Being the detail noticing guy I am I just happened to notice how cute my waiter was. And it might have just been me, but I think he was checking me out too.
"Here you go, sir. Would you like cheese?" he asked.
"Yes, please." I replied. He held a small cheese grater over my plate and started shredding some parmesan. "Thanks,"
"No problem," He walked away with my eye staring at his butt. No, I shouldn't be doing this. I'm still with Jared.
As I was eating I kept noticing that the waiter was looking at me. Once I was done with the meal he came over and left the check, with so much more. I opened the little check carrier and out fell a small piece of paper.
"Meet me outside at six. I'll make it worth your while." I read. I darted my eyes up to him across the room and he winked at me. I blushed and turned my head, leaving money for the check. My cell phone showed 5:47. I couldn't decide on staying, or just going home to my boyfriend. Boyfriend. That boyfriend of mine is giving me the cold shoulder. I think I deserve to have some fun tonight.
"I see you want your worth while part, huh?" someone said.
"Nah, I just wanted to see what kind of person would leave a note like that." I replied smartly.
"Well, you saw me in there enough times. You thought I'd change or something?"
"Again, no. But it is a complete shock that you're actually out here."
"Wanna come to my car so I can at least change out of my shirt? Then maybe we can have some fun?"
"Yeah, sure." I don't care about Jared right now. I need to have some fun. And God damn it I need some alcohol. "Can you get us any alcohol?"
"Of course I can. I have some in my car."
We walked to his car and he changed his shirt. He reached in the back and grabbed a brown paper bag and handed it to me. Guilt again swept through my mind. It was actually hard to twist the cap off the bottle and place the opening against my lips. Then again, that guilt disappeared once the contents poured into my mouth. I drank greedily then let out a small burp. His car was parked a little ways from the restaurant so it was a very deserted spot. That was good considering I was underage and drinking. After a few more sips I started to feel the effects of whatever the alcohol was.
The guy was watching me curiously. I turned my body so I was facing him. Suddenly, I moved in closer and started to kiss him, passionately. My tongue was diving in and out of his mouth. His hands started to run up my jacket into my shirt. A moan escaped my mouth as he ran a hand across my groin. He unzipped my jacket and threw it in his car. I lifted his shirt off and felt his hard body. Before I knew what was going on I felt him pull my pants and briefs down. A warm sensation coursed through my body.
"Oh, yes," I moaned.
"Wow, dude that was really good. I needed that." I breathlessly said. We made it into his car after he gave me head. I figured it was safer to be in the car than get caught outside. Plus it was warmer in the car, especially after what we were doing. The silence that was in the car was cut short by my cell phone. Without checking who was calling I answered it. "Hello?"
"Where are you?" His voice made me sit up straight. My eyes opened wide with fear.
"I'm...uh...at a restaurant just relaxing." I stuttered.
"Well, are you coming home? It's like nine."
We spent nearly three hours having fun. But then again, we did it more than once. I couldn't control myself. This guy, who I still don't even know, has this lust glow about him.
"Yeah, I guess I will in a while."
"Why not now?" I gasped as I felt a hand run across my back. My shirt magically came off earlier, but my pants managed to stay on as well as his. We just undid our flies. He laid me down and started sucking my member again. Accidentally, I let out a moan. "What are you doing?" More seriousness was in his voice.
"Nothing, Jared! I'm at the restaurant and I'll come home when I feel like it," I said harshly. I hung up the phone without waiting for a response. The waiter took my mind off things as he continued sucking me.
About another hour passed. We both sucked each other off one last time. And after my talk with Jared I needed it.
"Can I have some more of whatever you gave me earlier?" I asked, putting my shirt back on.
"Sure," he said, handing me the bag. I gulped some alcohol then stepped out of the car. "Maybe we can do this again some time."
"Yeah, maybe we can. Thanks for the fun and the alcohol." I closed the door and started to walk back to my car. I looked back at him as he was backing out. An idea suddenly came into my mind. I ran back to his car and knocked on his window. "Hey, you know where any parties are tonight? I know it's only Wednesday, but there has to be something."
"Actually, there is. You know where the Miller place is?" I nodded. "Well, a whole bunch of people go there and party all the time. There is like an endless supply of alcohol and weed. It is really great." he said. I smiled at him then rubbed his chest.
"Thanks, I owe you." He rolled up his window and sped off. I ran back to my car and drove to the Miller place. That guy was right, there is a whole bunch of people here. I could here the music from inside and I could detect a faint smell of pot. I parked my car away from everyone else and walked inside, getting stares from the few people scattered outside. Ah, yes, the party scene. This is great. It has been so long since my last party and I intended to out do myself tonight.
It didn't take long for me to find my way around the huge run-down house. In twenty minutes I managed seven shots of tequila and two joints. I felt so good; I never wanted this feeling to end. And I wasn't going to let it end. Everyone else was pretty much in the same condition as me. All were either drunk or stoned or a combination of both.
I woke up around three to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I guess I must have passed out. My stomach felt horrible and my head was pounding.
"Yeah?" I barely got out.
"Kevin!" Jared shouted. "Where the fuck are you? I have been calling you all night. I've been worried sick!"
I drunkenly laughed, "I had some fun, babe."
"Kevin where are you? I'm coming to get you." he demanded. I was too drunk to argue, but I managed to at least say the Miller place before passing out again.
I felt a pair of arms around me, trying to pick me up. The person finally got me into his arms and started walking. It was hard to open my eyes and I couldn't. I just rested my head against a warm chest. I heard familiar voices talking, but I couldn't make out what was being said until I heard my name and then I remembered what was happening. My eyes shot open and I pushed away from my rescuer, trying to stand on my own. That failed, however, and I fell to the ground.
"What are you doing here?" I said lowly.
"I'm taking you home. How the hell could you do this, Kevin?"
"What's it to you, Jared?"
"I love you, that's what." I looked passed Jared to Brian. What Jared just said in front of Brian was enough to make me start puking my guts out. Jared held me and rubbed my back as I emptied my dinner out into the half-dead grass.
"I don't need you! I don't need anybody! I-" More vomit exited my mouth before I could finish. My head hurt so badly, but not half as much as my stomach.
"Yes, you do." Jared said calmly. "Kevin, what have you done?" I stood up and tried walking away. However, my legs didn't agree with my sudden movement. I fell to my knees then on my stomach. "Kevin!"
Jared again helped me up. He carried me to his jeep with Brian close behind. They carefully placed me in the front seat and then left me. My eyes were getting heavy, but I was trying to focus on what they were talking about.
"Thanks for coming out here, Brian. It really does mean a lot to me and I'm sorry that this had to be the morning you found out I'm gay." Jared said.
"It's no problem, Jared. I'd do anything for you as the other guys would, too." Brian replied. "What about his car?"
"Ah, shit. Can you drive him home? I'll take his car, unless you'd rather take his car because it's an auto."
"Yeah, I can't drive a stick as well as you can." Brian laughed lightly.
"Shut up, dude." Jared laughed as well. "Well, I'll see you at home then."
That was the last thing I heard until we got home. Jared never even looked at me. I don't care though. Why should I? He has been holding me back from something that I enjoy doing.
We pulled into the garage and Jared got out. Then I saw another pair of lights pull in. I'm assuming it was my car. I was assured by my thoughts when I heard Brian. Speaking of Brian, I'm sort of glad it was him that came. Ever since we met, Brian has been the nicest to me. He's one of those guys that you can go to any time with you problems and he'd help you out. And obviously that's no joke considering it's like four in the morning. Of course, Jared is that kind of person as well. But I guess he even needs help every now and then. Besides all that Brian's really cute.
The door opened and I looked at Jared. He returned my look with his own. A look that was deeply saddened and definitely worried. By this time I had started crying. Tears were rolling down my face, but I managed to keep a straight look on. The effects of the alcohol were still working, but the real world was starting to crash down on me.
"Kevin," Jared said very softly. "Why did you do this?"
I was too sick to reply. I don't think it was just the alcohol and pot that was making me sick. I think it's also my emotions. What I have done did just sink into me. Not only did I drink and smoke, but I cheated on Jared.
"Come on, let's get you inside. Hopefully my parents aren't awake." Jared said. Brian helped him carry me in the house. I smelt Brian's scent and it was magnetizing. Jared's scent also came into play, but I was so used to it it wasn't that appealing anymore. Oh man, what am I saying? This my boyfriend. Or, was my boyfriend? I don't know anymore. I still love him and I can tell he still loves me, but how can anyone forgive what I've done? Hell, I can't even forgive myself.
"So, are you staying home from school tomorrow then?" Brian asked Jared.
"Yeah, I'm going to have too. He is gonna have the biggest hangover imaginable." Jared replied. He put me on his bed and started to take off my layers of clothing. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but nothing was happening. "Brian, how could he do this to me? I told him that he should come to me if he has those feelings, those urges. But instead he chose to do them. I mean, God only knows what else he's done tonight." Jared started sobbing. I felt someone sit on the edge of the bed. "I think he was with someone else tonight, Brian." I heard more sobs and then more weight on the bed.
"I'm sure it's not what you think, Jared. I can tell he loves you. In fact, some of the other guys can tell too. They've asked me about you before, but I told them I didn't know. And until tonight I didn't. Speaking of the guys, have you considered telling them?" Brian asked. I barely opened my eyes and I saw Brian sitting next to Jared with his arm around him. Jealousy suddenly fueled inside of me.
"Yeah, but Kevin doesn't want to be hurt." Jared said sadly.
"I think it's a bit late for that, dude." Brian chuckled.
"What do you mean?"
"He's never told you?" Brian asked in astonishment.
"Told me what?"
"Um, I don't know if I should be the one to tell you then. It's kind of not my place at all."
"Brian," Jared said softly, "please." And then I heard a smacking sound. He kissed him!
"All right fine, I'll tell you, but please, if you want to kiss me then warn me?" Jared laughed softly at Brian's embarrassment and quickly apologized. Brian sighed and said, "Well, back in April I guess Kevin came out to his parents thinking they'd be okay with it, but they totally weren't. That same week his parents actually forced him to go to an anti-homo camp. Well, the parents of a guy that goes to our school work there..."
"And they told their son and he spread the news..." Jared trailed off.
"Exactly. That is why he wasn't at school for like a week or two. He finally came home, but then they started to confine him and stuff like that. Of course, he turned to partying to rebel against the world. Then a few weeks later, you guys met." Brian explained. Hearing what I had so long ago overcome brought tears to my eyes. It was taking a lot of strength to not start crying. The hell I had to endure at that damned camp was something I hoped to never have to go through again. But then I went home and started to get disciplined.
"That's when I first fell in love with him. He accidentally bumped into me when we were walking past each other in the English building. It was that bump alone that made me affirm my thoughts of being gay." Jared said softly. That was the last thing I remember hearing before I blacked out.
"Kevin," Jared whispered. "Kevin, wake up." I blinked my eyes open and tilted my head to see Jared. He looked genuinely okay; not mad or sad.
"What? Is something wrong?" I asked. My head was pounding from last night. Last night was such a huge blur to me. I remember coming home with Jared, the restaurant, the blow jobs...with that guy, the party. Aw shit, I screwed my life up.
"Yeah, there is something wrong. You got drunk out of your mind last night!" Jared said loudly.
"Jared..."
"No, Kevin. There is nothing you can do to make this up. You completely lost my trust last night. I can not believe you did this. Do you know how badly I'm hurting right now? Oh my God Kevin, you were so horrible last night. It was killing me to see you like that." he said emotionally.
"Look, I thought of something last night. I was quitting for you! I wasn't quitting for me. And that is the wrong way to quit. But you just had to keep pushing it and pushing it. For the past couple weeks you have been cold to me so what the fuck do you expect?"
"You lied to me then. You've told me that you were doing it for yourself. If I-"
"That's it. I'm done with you. I don't ever want to see you again!" I screamed. Before he could respond I ran out of his room, flew downstairs, and bolted outside.
I don't care about him anymore. No guilt was sweeping through my body; no tears were falling from my eyes. I'm free now. It felt like we weren't even going out or anything. I shouldn't even have quit any ways. How could he try and keep me from something I enjoyed doing? Well, whatever now. I no longer have to worry about sneaking around or not drinking. I can freely do anything I want to do. However, I have no idea where I am going right now. It's like nine in the morning and there really isn't much life to the world yet. Too bad I don't have that waiter's number...but I do know where he works!
Temptation comes to all of us. Whether or not we succumb, depends on our ability to recognize its disguise. Sometimes it arrives in the form of an old flame flickering back to life. Or a new friend who could end up being so much more. Or a young child who awakens feelings we didn't know we had. And so we give in to temptation, all the while knowing, come morning, we'll have to suffer the consequences.
I hope you all enjoyed chapter nine. More chapters are soon to follow. Chapter 10 should be out within a week depending on how I feel about it. Feel free to e-mail me at the address shown in the disclaimer at the top of each chapter or you can join my group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Shades_of_Wisteria/ and leave a message there or you can do both. Thanks!