Legal Note: Please don't read this if you are under the age of 18 years or the particular age of permission where ever you live.The story below is in all parts fictional. All portayal of the Backstreet Boys and other persons mentioned is in no way based on fact. All other characters are completely fictional. All names, songs, events, and other liscensed material remains so. Thank you.
hello! long time no post, huh? sorry guys. I've just been super busy.
(you can also pester DLS, writer of Brian and Me, whose installments I have been reading and sort of editing instead of working on this story. Just kidding. Please don't pester him Just go read his story. Its great.)
Also, thanks to all my dedicated readers, including but not limited to, the silliest fan: yuli, ed, Redrum, couple of the year Rich and Nicky, and extremely nice and polite Kevin D.
Wait, how come more of you didn't write? Write, dammit! Just kidding, but it would be nice to get some more feedback. Please?
Let's not forget TS, who apparently thinks I can't take a joke because I'm too sensitive. I can too!
And never forget to mention Jeff, my new friend, who's just a real cool guy.
And last, but not least, DLS. He edits everything you see below this endless string of thank you's and whining. And plus, he's a super nice guy.
So, as always, write with comments, compliments, critiques, suggestions, etc. to bsbwriter@altavista.net
enjoy!
EG
part 37
As Kevin fell back behind me, he tried to grab me so I would fall too, out of the fire. I stumbled backwards and heard a shot. I looked back up sharply, and saw the attacker hovering over, not with a gun, but a camera. And it was Sean. He kept taking pictures as I got up. When I did, I punched him, square in the jaw. He punched back, landing his fist in my eye. It hurt. He was no ghost. Kevin made his way to standing, and Sean took off. Nick went after him, but stopped after he got on a motorcycle and made his getaway. I stood in shock.
Sean was dead, wasn't he? Andrew had said so. So who was this? I caught my breath. "Did you see who that was?" I asked to the other three.
"No, it was too dark in here," Nick said, walking slowly back to us.
Kevin shook his head. "I didn't see his face either."
We were all quiet until I recovered a little. "I saw him."
Zach directed his attention towards me quickly. "Who was it?" he asked.
"It was, um..."
"Didya know him?" Nick questioned.
"Yeah, I-" I stopped and sighed. "I know I'm going to sound crazy, but..."
"Adam, who was it?!?" Zach asked impatiently.
"It was, uh, it was Sean."
"Sean? Dead Sean?" I nodded. "You're right. You are sounding crazy."
"I swear. I wouldn't believe it, but that's who it was."
"Okay, guys." Kevin calmed us down and went into paternal mode. "Let's go and talk to Andrew. He'll know what to do. Plus, we have to put out a press release before those pictures get sold. No one'll touch them if they know how they were taken."
"What's wrong with the pictures?" Zach asked.
"Well, for one thing," Kevin said, "It places Adam on top of me-they would start rumors all over again."
We all nodded, and slowly and shakily made our way back inside to the office building. Given my track record in and on the property of this building, I seriously considered never coming back again.
We were alone on the elevator. "It was Sean," I whispered to Kevin.
"You know I do believe that's what you think you saw," Kevin answered.
"Kevin! It was him," I said raising my voice.
"Adam," he said, taking a hold of my shoulders. "He's dead. You know he's dead. I know he's dead. That was not him." I turned away. "Adam. Listen to me. That was not him." He stared into my deeply. "It was dark-maybe-"
I shook my head as the doors opened to let on a young intern. We quieted and attempted to look normal, ridiculously farcical if one knew what we had just been through. She eyed Zach and smiled. He smiled politely. She got off in a couple of floors and we all sighed in unison. Soon, the elevator arrived at our floor.
This time, the secretary just waved us in, eyeing the rip in the back of Kevin's jeans that must have happened when he fell in the garage. Andrew was on the phone, but when he saw us, he said "Something just came up. We'll talk later," and hung up . He studied my eye, which must have been black and blue by now. "What happened, boys?"
We sat down and told him the whole story. "And Adam thinks it was Sean," Kevin said when we had finished.
Andrew laughed in a way that was either nervous or suspect. Either one was suspicious. "That's ridiculous, Adam," he said.
"That's what I told him," Kevin added.
I shook my head, and decided to remain quiet. I knew there was no convincing either of them. Still, it sort of hurt that Kevin, the man I loved, didn't even believe me. Zach and I sat wordlessly as Kevin, Nick and Andrew figured a press release to be released at MTV during TRL that day, and later to the major media outlets. Kevin and Nick would be phone guests on TRL to help explain what had happened. Zach and I would just lay low. I asked about the Britney Spears' party later, which I hadn't exactly told Kevin about. I mouthed "I'll explain later." to him and he seemed placated for the moment. Andrew advised we should all go, to promote a positive image. He asked if there would be photographers there. I nodded, but not sure about it. I hoped not.
"I don't want you guys going back to that garage, okay?"
Nick nodded, but asked, "What about the car?"
"I'll have someone else bring it up to the street." Andrew made the necessary calls and Kevin gave him the keys to give to Time, the guy who would do it. "Its going to be about twenty minutes, but I can show you to the break room." We followed him to the conference room with a mini-fridge and coffee-maker. After we settled in chairs around a table, Andrew plead busy and made his exit.
After he left, Kevin got up to make himself some coffee. As he stirred in the milk, he looked up to me. "Are you sure it was Sean?" he asked with serious sincerity.
"Yes," I said.
"Okay," he breathed in and out sharply. "Then I believe you."
"Thank you," I said, with a small smile. "That's important to me."
"Well," Nick piped in, "if you believe him, then I believe him."
"Me too," Zach said.
"And we have to figure this out," Nick said.
We sat in silence for ten minutes. Just then, Andrew came in. "Guys, I have some bad news."
"What?" Kevin sprung to his feet.
"Your car has been tampered with."
"What do you mean?!?"
"The brakes gave out."
"What?"
"They gave out. Luckily, Tim was able to ride the gas out in the parking lot across the street. Your lives could have been endangered."
We were all silent.
part 38
Andrew had advised us to go about our business, so Kevin, after I told him about Britney's party, decided we should go. Although I wasn't too happy at the prospects of spending an evening with Britney and her half-baked seduction attempts while my boyfriend was standing on the other side of the room, I dealt with it.
We went back to the compound in a company limo, where security had been placed at the front gate. They were large, unattractive middle-aged men, in Rent-A-Cop uniforms. Still, they definitely sent a message and made me feel safer. After they let us in, we went to our respective houses.
We still had a couple of hours until it was time to get ready for the party, so I flopped down on the couch.
"I need to go run some errands, so I'll be back-" Kevin started.
"I'll come with..." I said, sitting up.
"Nah...it'll be safer for you here-"
I protested. "What about your safety? Who's going to protect you?"
"I can protect myself, thanks."
Kevin's stubborn, so I let it drop. "Just be careful, okay?"
"Okay, I promise. Love you," Kevin said, kissing me on the cheek."
I hugged him and replied, "Love you too." We embraced for a little while longer, kissed briefly, then disengaged. Kevin borrowed Brian's car and sped off.
While he was gone, I decided to go visit Howie who I hadn't really talked to since Sunday afternoon. I knocked on the door. He answered in bare feet and a pair of shorts.
"Hey! What's up?" He smiled and gave a "welcome-in" gesture.
We talked for a while and he seemed genuinely concerned. I was surprised at first at his degree of worry, but then remembered the guys were like brothers, more than co-workers. He invited me to watch a movie, Music From Another Room, if I wasn't busy. I called Kevin to see if he was home. Since he wasn't, I accepted.
We talked during the movie, about Kevin's and my relationship, about the party and just how things were going in general. Howie was excited for the upcoming tour, and I remembered then no one had told him about my new job-but when I told him, it turned out he knew the whole time.
He explained. "We review all new employees before they're offered a job, if we're going to have to work with them. Usually, we're pretty critical, but when Andrew brought it up, what could we do but say yes?"
I smiled, just thinking how cool Howie was. Then a thought popped into my head. "Then Kev and Nick knew the whole time?"
"Well, no. We figured it'd be better for them if it was a surprise."
I sighed, and thought about just how lucky I was. I pushed all of the terrible thoughts from my head. We finished the movie, which turned out to be pretty good. The adorable Jude Law was in it, (and when I say adorable, he's of course not even close to my Kevin). I wondered if he was gay. I would only think this because I had seen Wilde, in which he plays the title character's young lover. Most actors just starting out don't play gay roles because they're afraid of being type cast, or shut out of het. romance parts. I decided Jude Law was just cool, taking what most consider a career risk like that.
I was still lost in thought when I heard a banging on the door. Howie got up to get it. It was Kevin, and he stormed in. "You didn't tell me you were going to go somewhere!" he accused.
"Sorry, I tried calling, but you weren't back yet!" I said, defensively.
"I didn't know what happened to you. I thought someone had taken you."
"Come on Kev," I said, getting up to hug him. "I'm sorry. But you're being silly. There are those huge guards at the gate...Did you miss `em?" He started to protest, but I held my index finger up to his mouth. "Shhh. I just came here to see a movie. We can't let this rule our lives. Besides, its time for you to call TRL," I said, looking my watch. "Its 4. You have to go get Nick and call Carson in ten minutes This is the only thing you can do right now." Kevin nodded, kissed me on the cheek and left.
Howie and I flipped on MTV. "This just in....Nick Carter and Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys have been attacked in a parking garage. For more details, please continue to watch Total Request Live. Check back ten to the hour, every hour, for more news." Serena Altschul finished and commercials came on.
I concentrated on the screen, knowing TRL would be back on in a couple of moments. Just as soon as I had given up on the length of the long commercial break, an image of Times Square flickered on the screen before quickly fading to the studio. Carson stood faced towards the audience, looking just as boy-next-door as he always did. The image faded again to get a closer shot of Carson, and he began to speak. "Hey, and welcome back to TRL. As always, I am your host Carson Daly. If you just tuned in, you wouldn't know some, uh, rather bad news we at MTV have received-that recently-today actually, Nick and Kevin of the Backstreet Boys were attacked in the parking garage underneath their management's office building in Orlando." We heard a collection of loud gasps from the audience-no doubt filled with BSB fans. I rolled my eyes, but then stopped, annoyed at myself for being so cynical and insensitive. Every single one of their fans loved the Boys so much, they felt they knew them! , and any harm done to any of the Boys-they felt deep down. Carson continued. "So, to get to the bottom of this, we've actually invited Kevin and Nick to call up, to let us know what's going on. We've got them on hold right now, and we'll talk to them for a bit."
I heard a "Hello?" that sounded like Nick. TRL brought up a graphic of Nick and Kevin, left over from Backstreet Boy TV over the summer.
"Hey! You guys all right?" Carson asked.
"Yeah, we're okay now. I just wanted to let everyone know, that we got banged up a bit, but other than that we're both just fine," Nick said. He sounded a little nervous, and very tired.
"You wanna tell us what happened?"
Kevin spoke up. "Me and Nick had a meeting with management and some new comers to the BSB family-both of them are going to be working in PR and as our assistants. Anyway, we came back down with them, to the car, in the underground parking garage underneath the building. When we got there, we saw someone trying to break into the car."
Nick began to speak. "Kevin ran after the guy and me and the other two guys ran after him. We cornered him, and he bolted, but not before he took a bunch of pictures. So the perp's either a crazed fan, or paparazzi, we think." Carson realized they were done. "We're real sorry to hear that guys-but we're all glad you're safe and sound now."
"Thanks," the Boys said in unison.
"Okay," Carson said, the graphic disappearing, "we'll go on to our seventh video. Answer this question, and you'll get a TRL t-shirt, and hey, I'll even sign it...." Howie flipped the power button on the remote.
I sighed. "You okay?" Howie asked, sitting down next to me.
"Yeah, its just I'm just worried and stressed out. It doesn't seem like fate wants Kev and I to work out."
"Well what do you think brought you two together if not fate?"
"My stupidity."
"What?" Howie asked, confused.
"If I hadn't been so painfully in love with you guys, I never would have craned my neck to see into the banquet room at Denny's."
"Uh.."
"And I never would have fallen over."
"I-"
"And if my head hadn't have hurt I wouldn't have gone to the Chelsea gallery where I met Kevin."
"Well-"
"So, either way you look at it, if I didn't hit my head, none of this would have happened. Most importantly, I would be here still messing up Kevin's life now. That's not fate. Its a series of stupid cause-and-effects."
"Look-all these problems are not your fault. How could you possibly blame yourself for them?"
"Its just-I-I've caused all of these problems. And not just for Kevin, but for Nick, and for all of you guys. Don't you remember what happened after the first scandal broke?"
"There would be no scandal if it wasn't for inconsiderate, greedy paparazzi."
"There would be no scandal if I wasn't here," I replied. At this point I was getting really upset.
"Look, there's obviously no way convincing you. You're stubborn just like Kevin. Just know that if you weren't here, a lot of good things wouldn't have happened either."
"Like?" I asked.
"Like my awesome birthday party. Like Zach and Nick. Like Kevin being the happiest I've ever seen him."
I went to reply, but just then, Kevin, Nick, and Zach walked through the door. They were all in considerably positive upbeat moods, laughing and talking, so I decided to drop our conversation. I was half smiling at Howie, nonverbally thanking him for his comforting, when Kevin whipped me up, and dipped me backwards. He bent down to kiss me, in the typical movie star type of way, and then pulled me back standing. As a result of this passionate and public kiss, I was flushed and smiling. I looked back at Howie, who was smiling contentedly, like he had just finished a sickeningly sweet Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie.
"So I trust y'all are coming to the party tonight." Kevin's soft Kentucky accent showed through, as it did occasionally. Everyone nodded.
"Y'all better be," I said, in a contrived hick southern accent.
Kevin slapped me playfully on the back of the head, and when I spun around to defend myself, he trapped me in a hug. After a few moments, he regrettably released me. I'm going back home to get changed. You guys should do the same," Kev said in his paternal tone.
"Yes, Father," Nick said, sticking out his tongue.
"Okay Adam, let's go."
"I'm just gonna talk to Zach for a bit, if you don't mind. I'll see you in a couplea minutes, okay?"
"That's fine," he replied, kissing me on the top of the head. "But don't take too long. Britney would be crestfallen if her little hottie didn't show up on time."
I made a playfully humiliated face and watched Kevin and Nick go. After they had been gone for a few moments, I thanked Howie again and led Zach out to the gazebo next to the pool.
"What is it?" Zach asked, half annoyed, half caring.
"Its Kevin." I said, pacing around the gazebo.
Zach sat down. "What? Is he just too perfect or something?" I couldn't say anything. "You know, you're so neurotic about this. You always do this?"
"Do what?" I asked.
"Do this thing you do."
"Very articulate, Zach."
"You know what I mean."
"No, obviously I don't."
"Look, you always need to ruin things when they're going well. You can't stand to be happy for too long."
"What are you talking about? Like when?"
"Like that time with Jonny Miller?"
"Who?" I asked, even though I knew very well who Jonny Miller was.
"That kid from camp. Summer after tenth grade." It began to rain.
"What?" I said, still playing dumb.
"You know what I'm talking about. He was totally hot, had every girl swooning over him, but at the counselor's dance gave you that note."
"Yeah, the note," I said, remembering way more than I meant to. I started to quote that infamous note. "Dear Adam, people say that you have one love, one perfect person from which the entire world melt away and this love will be all-encompassing. My perfect person is you..." I trailed off.
"Yeah, that Jonny. You told me he was gay. Hell, that was the night you told me you were gay."
"But I never kissed him."
"No, you didn't."
"I almost did."
"I know, I remember."
"We were standing by the lake after curfew.
"And you told me the reflection of the moonlight in his eyes made him look like an angel."
"Did I say that?"
"Yeah, you said that."
"God, what I drama queen I was."
"Yeah. Was?"
"Oh, shut up."
"And you were going to kiss him."
"Yeah, I was going to kiss him..."
"But then you ran away."
"I bolted. And the next day he told the whole camp I tried to kiss him. That I was a faggot."
"What an asshole."
"What a flaming geek."
"I had to leave camp early. My campers threw rocks at me." The thunder got louder.
"I remember. I drove you to the train station."
"God, I had blocked that out of my head."
"Yeah, with good reason."
"But what was your point? What does this have to do with Kevin?"
"Uh, I forgot."
"Nice going."
"Wait-why didn't you kiss him?"
"Kevin?"
"No, Jonny."
"Because I was scared."
"Right. There's my point. Scared of happiness."
"No, not happiness, tons of other things though."
"Like?"
"I dunno. Everything."
"Like being happy."
"You're so wrong," I sighed, knowing he was right. "Why would I be scared of being happy?"
"Because, you think if you're happy, you're going to miss something when you're not looking."
"Look, maybe you're right, but that's not the point right now. The point is, I'm making Kevin's life miserable." Rain came down on the roof of the gazebo, pounding furiously.
"By loving him?"
"In a twisted way, yes," I said, leaning out the side of the gazebo, into the storm.
"Look, I can't talk to you in this mood. You're going nowhere. You don't want to listen to me. Why did you really want to talk to me?"
"If, for some reason, in the next days or weeks, or even months, I disappear, just let the Boys I'm safe, and tell Kev I love him."
"Are you planning on going somewhere?" Zach asked, standing up too quickly.
"No, I'm not planning to, but if I have to, just promise you'll do that for me, okay?"
"I guess. I promise. But don't go anywhere, okay?"
"I can't promise that. If I do have to go somewhere, I'll be back, okay?"
"Okay, I guess." Zach sat back down quietly.
I looked at my watch. "Its time to get ready for the party. You coming?"
"Nah, Nick and I are gonna be no-shows. Spend a little quality time on the couch, you know?"
"Yeah, you little pervert." I said, laughing. It felt good to smile, and even better to laugh.
"Well have fun at the party you prude."
"I am not a prude."
"Well that's not what Kevin says."
"Kevin did not say that!"
"No, you're right, actually, he didn't."
"Jerk!"
"But he should have. You guys have been together for awhile and not even to third base."
"Oh, shut up. What is third base, by the way?"
"Hell if I know," Zach confessed.
"Didn't think so!" I said.
"You know why?"
"Why?" I challenged.
"Well," he smiled facetiously. "Because I never stop before a home run."
"Oh enough with the baseball metaphors. I gotta go get ready."
"Okay...Adam?" he looked up at me.
"Yeah?"
"Try not to leave okay? You'd be messing up a good thing."
I smiled sadly and waved goodbye, sprinting to Kevin's house in the rain and getting soaked. When I got to the door I saw Zach still in the gazebo. I waved again, and then headed inside.
Kevin was sitting by the kitchen counter, eating an apple. "What took you so long?"
"We just had some things to talk about," I said, kissing his cheek and taking a bite out of his apple. He looked up at me. Damn, he was beautiful.
"Like what?"
"Oh, just stuff."
"Its okay if you don't want to tell me...I won't be hurt."
"Okay," I said, smiling and putting a hand on each of his shoulders. "I don't want to tell you." "Why the hell not?"
"Because I want to make you suffer." I leaned over and kissed him. Just the ability to do that, whenever I wanted, granted we weren't in public, was enough to make me content for at least a few years.
"Okay then, you apple-breath hottie. If that's the way you want it."
"Okay then. I gotta take a shower. Unless you want to join me?" I asked, kissing him again on the neck.
"We'd never get to the party," Kevin said, tracing his fingers along my jawline.
"And what would be so bad about that?" I asked, in between kisses.
"Well, Britney's waiting for you." I straightened up.
"That's it."
"What's it?"
"No more kisses for you dork."
"Aww!" he said, with puppy dog eyes.
My faux-stern expression softened. "Well, at least until after I finish getting ready." I started to walk away.
"I don't know if I can last that long," Kevin said, smiling sheepishly.
"You're right. Neither can I," I rushed back, kissed him full on the lips, and then ran into the bathroom and started the shower before we were going to be really late.
Part 39
Well, it turned out we were late, really late. But we played it off as fashionably late which works surprisingly well when you're pop stars, or at least friends of them. The party was, by the way, even worse that I expected. Yes, that bad. There was a point where Britney actually cornered me on the balcony. She was wearing her slinkiest, tightest pink tube dress. It should have been sexy, even to a gay man, but it just turned out looking pitiful and desperate.
"I want you," she had said, rubbing my shoulders, and licking her lips. She had been simply predatory.
I'd been preparing to answer when Brian had found me. "Adam! Come on, its time for your herpes meds."
I had grinned at Britney and slapped my forehead with the heel of my palm. I shook my head and said, innocently. "If you'll just excuse me, I do really have to do that. I hope you'll be here when I get back." I gave her my best seductive smile and eyebrow raise, trying not to crack up. She recoiled, with a disgusted look, and let me walk away. When Brian led me into the hall, I saw AJ, Amanda, Howie, and a bored Kevin standing in the hall. I burst out laughing.
It was when we got in the elevator I started to sense something out of order. I was about to say something, but then the doors slid open. We went out to hail a cab. None were in the street. It was, after all, a quiet Monday night.
"I'm going to go call a taxi service in the lobby, okay?" Brian said, and walked back inside.
The rain was just beginning to let up, and there was a light fog in the humid air. Kevin smiled at me, that gorgeous smile. I was just about to smile back when I saw a cloaked form run towards him. I watched in horror while the form hit Kevin with a crowbar in the side. He keeled over in pain, while I ran after the perpetrator. After three blocks, he disappeared in the mist, and I jogged back to the hotel. Kevin was still on the ground, crying in pain. I went to his side, stroked his hair, and yelled, "Someone call an ambulance!"
Brian, who had returned, rushed to Kevin's other side while Howie called 911 on his cell phone. In a few minutes, the ambulance pulled up. I watched as the paramedics loaded Kevin onto the stretcher and talked about broken bones. I grasped his hand, but couldn't ride with him, since I wasn't related. Brian hugged me, and whispered, "He'll be okay, don't worry. I'll see you at the hospital."
The taxi had arrived and Amanda, AJ, and Howie all piled in. "Come on!" AJ said, but I shook my head and mumbled something about meeting them later. "Okay, suit yourself," he said, and the taxi drove off following the ambulance.
I had to walk, to clear my head. And I did. I walked for a couple of hours. I found myself in dark alleys, and on streets I had never seen before. I sat on the curb and called Zach. "Hello?" he said, sounding groggy.
"Zach, do you remember what you promised?" I asked, in a gruff, tear-stained voice.
"I guess."
"Well, remember it, okay?"
"Okay-Adam-are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Just remember-you promised."
"Okay. I will. "
"Bye." I said, hanging up.
I dialed a taxi service and gave the operator on the street corner I was sitting on.
When the taxi pulled up, I somehow wasn't surprised that it was Rocky at the wheel. First, I asked him to take me to the hospital, and wait until I came back out.
I ventured in, and wandered up to the admissions desk. I don't know why, but I guess it was because of my look of utter desperation that the pitying nurse gave me Kevin's room number without so much as a question.
I used the stairs to get to the fourth floor. When I got to his hallway, I saw the boys slumped outside what was his door, obviously tired. I realized it was in fact late, almost three to be exact. Amanda must have left, because I didn't see her anywhere.
I stepped quietly and carefully into his room, where Brian was slumped on a corner chair asleep. Kevin slept fitfully on his hospital bed. He looked childlike and helpless. It broke my heart a few times over. I kissed him lightly, careful not to wake him, and tucked the note I had written while I was waiting for the taxi, scribbled on the back of a flyer I had picked up somewhere into his clasped hand. I kissed him once more on his forehead, and left.
I got back in the taxi and Rocky took me to the airport.
Legal Note: Please don't read this if you are under the age of 18 years or the particular age of permission where ever you live.The story below is in all parts fictional. All portayal of the Backstreet Boys and other persons mentioned is in no way based on fact. All other characters are completely fictional. All names, songs, events, and other liscensed material remains so. Thank you.
hello! long time no post, huh? sorry guys. I've just been super busy.
(you can also pester DLS, writer of Brian and Me, whose installments I have been reading and sort of editing instead of working on this story. Just kidding. Please don't pester him Just go read his story. Its great.)
Also, thanks to all my dedicated readers, including but not limited to, the silliest fan: yuli, ed, Redrum, couple of the year Rich and Nicky, and extremely nice and polite Kevin D.
Wait, how come more of you didn't write? Write, dammit! Just kidding, but it would be nice to get some more feedback. Please?
Let's not forget TS, who apparently thinks I can't take a joke because I'm too sensitive. I can too!
And never forget to mention Jeff, my new friend, who's just a real cool guy.
And last, but not least, DLS. He edits everything you see below this endless string of thank you's and whining. And plus, he's a super nice guy.
So, as always, write with comments, compliments, critiques, suggestions, etc. to bsbwriter@altavista.net
enjoy!
EG
part 37
As Kevin fell back behind me, he tried to grab me so I would fall too, out of the fire. I stumbled backwards and heard a shot. I looked back up sharply, and saw the attacker hovering over, not with a gun, but a camera. And it was Sean. He kept taking pictures as I got up. When I did, I punched him, square in the jaw. He punched back, landing his fist in my eye. It hurt. He was no ghost. Kevin made his way to standing, and Sean took off. Nick went after him, but stopped after he got on a motorcycle and made his getaway. I stood in shock.
Sean was dead, wasn't he? Andrew had said so. So who was this? I caught my breath. "Did you see who that was?" I asked to the other three.
"No, it was too dark in here," Nick said, walking slowly back to us.
Kevin shook his head. "I didn't see his face either."
We were all quiet until I recovered a little. "I saw him."
Zach directed his attention towards me quickly. "Who was it?" he asked.
"It was, um..."
"Didya know him?" Nick questioned.
"Yeah, I-" I stopped and sighed. "I know I'm going to sound crazy, but..."
"Adam, who was it?!?" Zach asked impatiently.
"It was, uh, it was Sean."
"Sean? Dead Sean?" I nodded. "You're right. You are sounding crazy."
"I swear. I wouldn't believe it, but that's who it was."
"Okay, guys." Kevin calmed us down and went into paternal mode. "Let's go and talk to Andrew. He'll know what to do. Plus, we have to put out a press release before those pictures get sold. No one'll touch them if they know how they were taken."
"What's wrong with the pictures?" Zach asked.
"Well, for one thing," Kevin said, "It places Adam on top of me-they would start rumors all over again."
We all nodded, and slowly and shakily made our way back inside to the office building. Given my track record in and on the property of this building, I seriously considered never coming back again.
We were alone on the elevator. "It was Sean," I whispered to Kevin.
"You know I do believe that's what you think you saw," Kevin answered.
"Kevin! It was him," I said raising my voice.
"Adam," he said, taking a hold of my shoulders. "He's dead. You know he's dead. I know he's dead. That was not him." I turned away. "Adam. Listen to me. That was not him." He stared into my deeply. "It was dark-maybe-"
I shook my head as the doors opened to let on a young intern. We quieted and attempted to look normal, ridiculously farcical if one knew what we had just been through. She eyed Zach and smiled. He smiled politely. She got off in a couple of floors and we all sighed in unison. Soon, the elevator arrived at our floor.
This time, the secretary just waved us in, eyeing the rip in the back of Kevin's jeans that must have happened when he fell in the garage. Andrew was on the phone, but when he saw us, he said "Something just came up. We'll talk later," and hung up . He studied my eye, which must have been black and blue by now. "What happened, boys?"
We sat down and told him the whole story. "And Adam thinks it was Sean," Kevin said when we had finished.
Andrew laughed in a way that was either nervous or suspect. Either one was suspicious. "That's ridiculous, Adam," he said.
"That's what I told him," Kevin added.
I shook my head, and decided to remain quiet. I knew there was no convincing either of them. Still, it sort of hurt that Kevin, the man I loved, didn't even believe me. Zach and I sat wordlessly as Kevin, Nick and Andrew figured a press release to be released at MTV during TRL that day, and later to the major media outlets. Kevin and Nick would be phone guests on TRL to help explain what had happened. Zach and I would just lay low. I asked about the Britney Spears' party later, which I hadn't exactly told Kevin about. I mouthed "I'll explain later." to him and he seemed placated for the moment. Andrew advised we should all go, to promote a positive image. He asked if there would be photographers there. I nodded, but not sure about it. I hoped not.
"I don't want you guys going back to that garage, okay?"
Nick nodded, but asked, "What about the car?"
"I'll have someone else bring it up to the street." Andrew made the necessary calls and Kevin gave him the keys to give to Time, the guy who would do it. "Its going to be about twenty minutes, but I can show you to the break room." We followed him to the conference room with a mini-fridge and coffee-maker. After we settled in chairs around a table, Andrew plead busy and made his exit.
After he left, Kevin got up to make himself some coffee. As he stirred in the milk, he looked up to me. "Are you sure it was Sean?" he asked with serious sincerity.
"Yes," I said.
"Okay," he breathed in and out sharply. "Then I believe you."
"Thank you," I said, with a small smile. "That's important to me."
"Well," Nick piped in, "if you believe him, then I believe him."
"Me too," Zach said.
"And we have to figure this out," Nick said.
We sat in silence for ten minutes. Just then, Andrew came in. "Guys, I have some bad news."
"What?" Kevin sprung to his feet.
"Your car has been tampered with."
"What do you mean?!?"
"The brakes gave out."
"What?"
"They gave out. Luckily, Tim was able to ride the gas out in the parking lot across the street. Your lives could have been endangered."
We were all silent.
part 38
Andrew had advised us to go about our business, so Kevin, after I told him about Britney's party, decided we should go. Although I wasn't too happy at the prospects of spending an evening with Britney and her half-baked seduction attempts while my boyfriend was standing on the other side of the room, I dealt with it.
We went back to the compound in a company limo, where security had been placed at the front gate. They were large, unattractive middle-aged men, in Rent-A-Cop uniforms. Still, they definitely sent a message and made me feel safer. After they let us in, we went to our respective houses.
We still had a couple of hours until it was time to get ready for the party, so I flopped down on the couch.
"I need to go run some errands, so I'll be back-" Kevin started.
"I'll come with..." I said, sitting up.
"Nah...it'll be safer for you here-"
I protested. "What about your safety? Who's going to protect you?"
"I can protect myself, thanks."
Kevin's stubborn, so I let it drop. "Just be careful, okay?"
"Okay, I promise. Love you," Kevin said, kissing me on the cheek."
I hugged him and replied, "Love you too." We embraced for a little while longer, kissed briefly, then disengaged. Kevin borrowed Brian's car and sped off.
While he was gone, I decided to go visit Howie who I hadn't really talked to since Sunday afternoon. I knocked on the door. He answered in bare feet and a pair of shorts.
"Hey! What's up?" He smiled and gave a "welcome-in" gesture.
We talked for a while and he seemed genuinely concerned. I was surprised at first at his degree of worry, but then remembered the guys were like brothers, more than co-workers. He invited me to watch a movie, Music From Another Room, if I wasn't busy. I called Kevin to see if he was home. Since he wasn't, I accepted.
We talked during the movie, about Kevin's and my relationship, about the party and just how things were going in general. Howie was excited for the upcoming tour, and I remembered then no one had told him about my new job-but when I told him, it turned out he knew the whole time.
He explained. "We review all new employees before they're offered a job, if we're going to have to work with them. Usually, we're pretty critical, but when Andrew brought it up, what could we do but say yes?"
I smiled, just thinking how cool Howie was. Then a thought popped into my head. "Then Kev and Nick knew the whole time?"
"Well, no. We figured it'd be better for them if it was a surprise."
I sighed, and thought about just how lucky I was. I pushed all of the terrible thoughts from my head. We finished the movie, which turned out to be pretty good. The adorable Jude Law was in it, (and when I say adorable, he's of course not even close to my Kevin). I wondered if he was gay. I would only think this because I had seen Wilde, in which he plays the title character's young lover. Most actors just starting out don't play gay roles because they're afraid of being type cast, or shut out of het. romance parts. I decided Jude Law was just cool, taking what most consider a career risk like that.
I was still lost in thought when I heard a banging on the door. Howie got up to get it. It was Kevin, and he stormed in. "You didn't tell me you were going to go somewhere!" he accused.
"Sorry, I tried calling, but you weren't back yet!" I said, defensively.
"I didn't know what happened to you. I thought someone had taken you."
"Come on Kev," I said, getting up to hug him. "I'm sorry. But you're being silly. There are those huge guards at the gate...Did you miss `em?" He started to protest, but I held my index finger up to his mouth. "Shhh. I just came here to see a movie. We can't let this rule our lives. Besides, its time for you to call TRL," I said, looking my watch. "Its 4. You have to go get Nick and call Carson in ten minutes This is the only thing you can do right now." Kevin nodded, kissed me on the cheek and left.
Howie and I flipped on MTV. "This just in....Nick Carter and Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys have been attacked in a parking garage. For more details, please continue to watch Total Request Live. Check back ten to the hour, every hour, for more news." Serena Altschul finished and commercials came on.
I concentrated on the screen, knowing TRL would be back on in a couple of moments. Just as soon as I had given up on the length of the long commercial break, an image of Times Square flickered on the screen before quickly fading to the studio. Carson stood faced towards the audience, looking just as boy-next-door as he always did. The image faded again to get a closer shot of Carson, and he began to speak. "Hey, and welcome back to TRL. As always, I am your host Carson Daly. If you just tuned in, you wouldn't know some, uh, rather bad news we at MTV have received-that recently-today actually, Nick and Kevin of the Backstreet Boys were attacked in the parking garage underneath their management's office building in Orlando." We heard a collection of loud gasps from the audience-no doubt filled with BSB fans. I rolled my eyes, but then stopped, annoyed at myself for being so cynical and insensitive. Every single one of their fans loved the Boys so much, they felt they knew them! , and any harm done to any of the Boys-they felt deep down. Carson continued. "So, to get to the bottom of this, we've actually invited Kevin and Nick to call up, to let us know what's going on. We've got them on hold right now, and we'll talk to them for a bit."
I heard a "Hello?" that sounded like Nick. TRL brought up a graphic of Nick and Kevin, left over from Backstreet Boy TV over the summer.
"Hey! You guys all right?" Carson asked.
"Yeah, we're okay now. I just wanted to let everyone know, that we got banged up a bit, but other than that we're both just fine," Nick said. He sounded a little nervous, and very tired.
"You wanna tell us what happened?"
Kevin spoke up. "Me and Nick had a meeting with management and some new comers to the BSB family-both of them are going to be working in PR and as our assistants. Anyway, we came back down with them, to the car, in the underground parking garage underneath the building. When we got there, we saw someone trying to break into the car."
Nick began to speak. "Kevin ran after the guy and me and the other two guys ran after him. We cornered him, and he bolted, but not before he took a bunch of pictures. So the perp's either a crazed fan, or paparazzi, we think." Carson realized they were done. "We're real sorry to hear that guys-but we're all glad you're safe and sound now."
"Thanks," the Boys said in unison.
"Okay," Carson said, the graphic disappearing, "we'll go on to our seventh video. Answer this question, and you'll get a TRL t-shirt, and hey, I'll even sign it...." Howie flipped the power button on the remote.
I sighed. "You okay?" Howie asked, sitting down next to me.
"Yeah, its just I'm just worried and stressed out. It doesn't seem like fate wants Kev and I to work out."
"Well what do you think brought you two together if not fate?"
"My stupidity."
"What?" Howie asked, confused.
"If I hadn't been so painfully in love with you guys, I never would have craned my neck to see into the banquet room at Denny's."
"Uh.."
"And I never would have fallen over."
"I-"
"And if my head hadn't have hurt I wouldn't have gone to the Chelsea gallery where I met Kevin."
"Well-"
"So, either way you look at it, if I didn't hit my head, none of this would have happened. Most importantly, I would be here still messing up Kevin's life now. That's not fate. Its a series of stupid cause-and-effects."
"Look-all these problems are not your fault. How could you possibly blame yourself for them?"
"Its just-I-I've caused all of these problems. And not just for Kevin, but for Nick, and for all of you guys. Don't you remember what happened after the first scandal broke?"
"There would be no scandal if it wasn't for inconsiderate, greedy paparazzi."
"There would be no scandal if I wasn't here," I replied. At this point I was getting really upset.
"Look, there's obviously no way convincing you. You're stubborn just like Kevin. Just know that if you weren't here, a lot of good things wouldn't have happened either."
"Like?" I asked.
"Like my awesome birthday party. Like Zach and Nick. Like Kevin being the happiest I've ever seen him."
I went to reply, but just then, Kevin, Nick, and Zach walked through the door. They were all in considerably positive upbeat moods, laughing and talking, so I decided to drop our conversation. I was half smiling at Howie, nonverbally thanking him for his comforting, when Kevin whipped me up, and dipped me backwards. He bent down to kiss me, in the typical movie star type of way, and then pulled me back standing. As a result of this passionate and public kiss, I was flushed and smiling. I looked back at Howie, who was smiling contentedly, like he had just finished a sickeningly sweet Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie.
"So I trust y'all are coming to the party tonight." Kevin's soft Kentucky accent showed through, as it did occasionally. Everyone nodded.
"Y'all better be," I said, in a contrived hick southern accent.
Kevin slapped me playfully on the back of the head, and when I spun around to defend myself, he trapped me in a hug. After a few moments, he regrettably released me. I'm going back home to get changed. You guys should do the same," Kev said in his paternal tone.
"Yes, Father," Nick said, sticking out his tongue.
"Okay Adam, let's go."
"I'm just gonna talk to Zach for a bit, if you don't mind. I'll see you in a couplea minutes, okay?"
"That's fine," he replied, kissing me on the top of the head. "But don't take too long. Britney would be crestfallen if her little hottie didn't show up on time."
I made a playfully humiliated face and watched Kevin and Nick go. After they had been gone for a few moments, I thanked Howie again and led Zach out to the gazebo next to the pool.
"What is it?" Zach asked, half annoyed, half caring.
"Its Kevin." I said, pacing around the gazebo.
Zach sat down. "What? Is he just too perfect or something?" I couldn't say anything. "You know, you're so neurotic about this. You always do this?"
"Do what?" I asked.
"Do this thing you do."
"Very articulate, Zach."
"You know what I mean."
"No, obviously I don't."
"Look, you always need to ruin things when they're going well. You can't stand to be happy for too long."
"What are you talking about? Like when?"
"Like that time with Jonny Miller?"
"Who?" I asked, even though I knew very well who Jonny Miller was.
"That kid from camp. Summer after tenth grade." It began to rain.
"What?" I said, still playing dumb.
"You know what I'm talking about. He was totally hot, had every girl swooning over him, but at the counselor's dance gave you that note."
"Yeah, the note," I said, remembering way more than I meant to. I started to quote that infamous note. "Dear Adam, people say that you have one love, one perfect person from which the entire world melt away and this love will be all-encompassing. My perfect person is you..." I trailed off.
"Yeah, that Jonny. You told me he was gay. Hell, that was the night you told me you were gay."
"But I never kissed him."
"No, you didn't."
"I almost did."
"I know, I remember."
"We were standing by the lake after curfew.
"And you told me the reflection of the moonlight in his eyes made him look like an angel."
"Did I say that?"
"Yeah, you said that."
"God, what I drama queen I was."
"Yeah. Was?"
"Oh, shut up."
"And you were going to kiss him."
"Yeah, I was going to kiss him..."
"But then you ran away."
"I bolted. And the next day he told the whole camp I tried to kiss him. That I was a faggot."
"What an asshole."
"What a flaming geek."
"I had to leave camp early. My campers threw rocks at me." The thunder got louder.
"I remember. I drove you to the train station."
"God, I had blocked that out of my head."
"Yeah, with good reason."
"But what was your point? What does this have to do with Kevin?"
"Uh, I forgot."
"Nice going."
"Wait-why didn't you kiss him?"
"Kevin?"
"No, Jonny."
"Because I was scared."
"Right. There's my point. Scared of happiness."
"No, not happiness, tons of other things though."
"Like?"
"I dunno. Everything."
"Like being happy."
"You're so wrong," I sighed, knowing he was right. "Why would I be scared of being happy?"
"Because, you think if you're happy, you're going to miss something when you're not looking."
"Look, maybe you're right, but that's not the point right now. The point is, I'm making Kevin's life miserable." Rain came down on the roof of the gazebo, pounding furiously.
"By loving him?"
"In a twisted way, yes," I said, leaning out the side of the gazebo, into the storm.
"Look, I can't talk to you in this mood. You're going nowhere. You don't want to listen to me. Why did you really want to talk to me?"
"If, for some reason, in the next days or weeks, or even months, I disappear, just let the Boys I'm safe, and tell Kev I love him."
"Are you planning on going somewhere?" Zach asked, standing up too quickly.
"No, I'm not planning to, but if I have to, just promise you'll do that for me, okay?"
"I guess. I promise. But don't go anywhere, okay?"
"I can't promise that. If I do have to go somewhere, I'll be back, okay?"
"Okay, I guess." Zach sat back down quietly.
I looked at my watch. "Its time to get ready for the party. You coming?"
"Nah, Nick and I are gonna be no-shows. Spend a little quality time on the couch, you know?"
"Yeah, you little pervert." I said, laughing. It felt good to smile, and even better to laugh.
"Well have fun at the party you prude."
"I am not a prude."
"Well that's not what Kevin says."
"Kevin did not say that!"
"No, you're right, actually, he didn't."
"Jerk!"
"But he should have. You guys have been together for awhile and not even to third base."
"Oh, shut up. What is third base, by the way?"
"Hell if I know," Zach confessed.
"Didn't think so!" I said.
"You know why?"
"Why?" I challenged.
"Well," he smiled facetiously. "Because I never stop before a home run."
"Oh enough with the baseball metaphors. I gotta go get ready."
"Okay...Adam?" he looked up at me.
"Yeah?"
"Try not to leave okay? You'd be messing up a good thing."
I smiled sadly and waved goodbye, sprinting to Kevin's house in the rain and getting soaked. When I got to the door I saw Zach still in the gazebo. I waved again, and then headed inside.
Kevin was sitting by the kitchen counter, eating an apple. "What took you so long?"
"We just had some things to talk about," I said, kissing his cheek and taking a bite out of his apple. He looked up at me. Damn, he was beautiful.
"Like what?"
"Oh, just stuff."
"Its okay if you don't want to tell me...I won't be hurt."
"Okay," I said, smiling and putting a hand on each of his shoulders. "I don't want to tell you." "Why the hell not?"
"Because I want to make you suffer." I leaned over and kissed him. Just the ability to do that, whenever I wanted, granted we weren't in public, was enough to make me content for at least a few years.
"Okay then, you apple-breath hottie. If that's the way you want it."
"Okay then. I gotta take a shower. Unless you want to join me?" I asked, kissing him again on the neck.
"We'd never get to the party," Kevin said, tracing his fingers along my jawline.
"And what would be so bad about that?" I asked, in between kisses.
"Well, Britney's waiting for you." I straightened up.
"That's it."
"What's it?"
"No more kisses for you dork."
"Aww!" he said, with puppy dog eyes.
My faux-stern expression softened. "Well, at least until after I finish getting ready." I started to walk away.
"I don't know if I can last that long," Kevin said, smiling sheepishly.
"You're right. Neither can I," I rushed back, kissed him full on the lips, and then ran into the bathroom and started the shower before we were going to be really late.
Part 39
Well, it turned out we were late, really late. But we played it off as fashionably late which works surprisingly well when you're pop stars, or at least friends of them. The party was, by the way, even worse that I expected. Yes, that bad. There was a point where Britney actually cornered me on the balcony. She was wearing her slinkiest, tightest pink tube dress. It should have been sexy, even to a gay man, but it just turned out looking pitiful and desperate.
"I want you," she had said, rubbing my shoulders, and licking her lips. She had been simply predatory.
I'd been preparing to answer when Brian had found me. "Adam! Come on, its time for your herpes meds."
I had grinned at Britney and slapped my forehead with the heel of my palm. I shook my head and said, innocently. "If you'll just excuse me, I do really have to do that. I hope you'll be here when I get back." I gave her my best seductive smile and eyebrow raise, trying not to crack up. She recoiled, with a disgusted look, and let me walk away. When Brian led me into the hall, I saw AJ, Amanda, Howie, and a bored Kevin standing in the hall. I burst out laughing.
It was when we got in the elevator I started to sense something out of order. I was about to say something, but then the doors slid open. We went out to hail a cab. None were in the street. It was, after all, a quiet Monday night.
"I'm going to go call a taxi service in the lobby, okay?" Brian said, and walked back inside.
The rain was just beginning to let up, and there was a light fog in the humid air. Kevin smiled at me, that gorgeous smile. I was just about to smile back when I saw a cloaked form run towards him. I watched in horror while the form hit Kevin with a crowbar in the side. He keeled over in pain, while I ran after the perpetrator. After three blocks, he disappeared in the mist, and I jogged back to the hotel. Kevin was still on the ground, crying in pain. I went to his side, stroked his hair, and yelled, "Someone call an ambulance!"
Brian, who had returned, rushed to Kevin's other side while Howie called 911 on his cell phone. In a few minutes, the ambulance pulled up. I watched as the paramedics loaded Kevin onto the stretcher and talked about broken bones. I grasped his hand, but couldn't ride with him, since I wasn't related. Brian hugged me, and whispered, "He'll be okay, don't worry. I'll see you at the hospital."
The taxi had arrived and Amanda, AJ, and Howie all piled in. "Come on!" AJ said, but I shook my head and mumbled something about meeting them later. "Okay, suit yourself," he said, and the taxi drove off following the ambulance.
I had to walk, to clear my head. And I did. I walked for a couple of hours. I found myself in dark alleys, and on streets I had never seen before. I sat on the curb and called Zach. "Hello?" he said, sounding groggy.
"Zach, do you remember what you promised?" I asked, in a gruff, tear-stained voice.
"I guess."
"Well, remember it, okay?"
"Okay-Adam-are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Just remember-you promised."
"Okay. I will. "
"Bye." I said, hanging up.
I dialed a taxi service and gave the operator on the street corner I was sitting on.
When the taxi pulled up, I somehow wasn't surprised that it was Rocky at the wheel. First, I asked him to take me to the hospital, and wait until I came back out.
I ventured in, and wandered up to the admissions desk. I don't know why, but I guess it was because of my look of utter desperation that the pitying nurse gave me Kevin's room number without so much as a question.
I used the stairs to get to the fourth floor. When I got to his hallway, I saw the boys slumped outside what was his door, obviously tired. I realized it was in fact late, almost three to be exact. Amanda must have left, because I didn't see her anywhere.
I stepped quietly and carefully into his room, where Brian was slumped on a corner chair asleep. Kevin slept fitfully on his hospital bed. He looked childlike and helpless. It broke my heart a few times over. I kissed him lightly, careful not to wake him, and tucked the note I had written while I was waiting for the taxi, scribbled on the back of a flyer I had picked up somewhere into his clasped hand. I kissed him once more on his forehead, and left.
I got back in the taxi and Rocky took me to the airport.