This is a complete work of fiction. Any similarity to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. This story is copywrited and sole property of the author. And may not be reproduced without the express consent of the author
Wow back again gentle reader. I just wanted to say that not everyone will like this chapter. It deals with some hard issues and it wasn't my intention to upset anyone. But sometimes things don't always turn out the way you want them too. But I hope once the whole story is complete you can look back and see the necessity of this chapter. Well I hope you enjoy the whispered insanity of my mind.
You may contact me at writerscramp71@yahoo.com
I broke from his embrace, scared by the fact that even though I didn't want anything to happen I could feel the stirring of something deep in my groin. As I pulled away from him my legs began to give out, I still hadn't recovered from my cramps. Quickly before I could protest he grabbed me and held me close.
"Just give it a minute, don't want you to take another spill." He said in that soft fuzzy voice.
As I fought to suppress my body's response, he grabbed the soap and began to wash me. His touch was just as soft and gentle as his voice. And even though I could still feel his dick resting in the cleft of my ass he wasn't hard.
I don't know if it was because I had played an intense game, had taken a blow to the head or if it was just because I've never felt this way before but no matter how hard I fought I couldn't control the effect his hands were having on my dick. As soon as his hand brushed against my hip my cock started to inflate. And like some chain reaction about the same time his began to rise as well.
I felt so safe and secure pressed against his body. He wrapped one strong arm around my chest and continued to gently wash me with the other. He never once tried to take things further. I was expecting him to grind his hardon into my ass, but he didn't. I don't know if my resolve would have held up if he had. And he never let his hand stray any closer to my dick than my hip.
After a few minutes I felt strong enough to stand on my own, he sensed it and released me from his grasp. I finished washing up and occasionally I would steal a glance of him out of the corner of my eye. He had moved to the shower next to mine and never once did he try to hide his erection. As I watched the soap slide lazily from his body I couldn't help but notice his intense eyes staring back at me.
As quickly as I could I made my way back to my locker. I just wanted to get dressed and get out of there. I knew I could trust him but suddenly I didn't think I could trust myself. It was one of the weirdest feelings I have ever had. I still loved Jay and I would never do anything to hurt him. So then why did I question what his face would look like staring up at me from between my thighs?
I was just about dressed when I heard his padded footsteps come closer. I turned around and there he was loosely draped in a towel.
"Hey John I just wanted to say thanks for everything man." He said to me in that hypnotizing voice.
"Um...I should be the one thanking you dude." I said trying to avoid his eyes.
He softly chuckled and I raised my head to look at him, wondering what was so funny.
"You don't know my name do you?" He questioned.
I couldn't help but flash him a cheesy smile as I said. "You're right I don't."
"Its Kayden but my friends just call me K." He explained as he extended his hand.
"Nice to meet you." I said still wearing the same cheesy grin.
"Yea well I just wanted to say thanks for making some of my dreams come true today." He said with a shy grin.
"Oh...um no problems man." I said as I finished getting dressed.
"So are you headed to the dance?" He asked.
"No I think I'm just going home to soak in the Jacuzzi, my muscles need the rest."
"Oh... yea well I don't blame you those things are boring anyway." He said.
"You should go though I bet you won't have any problems getting laid tonight." I stated while a blush crept into my cheeks. "I mean you did make the winning touch down, I'm sure you'd have the girls eating out of your hands."
He gave me a weird look when I said that, almost like his feelings were hurt and mumbled something under his breath.
"Well take it easy K." I yelled as I hurried out of the locker room.
I had to get out of there; it was an awkward situation that I didn't know how to handle. I couldn't decide if he was coming on to me or if I just thought that because I was gay. I had never been good at telling who was gay and who wasn't. Besides the apparent feminine guys that were teased fiercely. The only time I had ever known for sure was with Jay. For some reason I had known it would be ok, even though he wasn't obvious.
I made my way out to student parking and received a few congratulations from small groups of students. Just as I was about to get in my car and head home I heard a familiar laugh coming from several rows over. I looked around trying to identify the source when I spotted Jay standing next to Billy's car. They seemed to be having fun and I couldn't help the piercing stab of jealous pains when I saw them. Then without warning I saw Billy lean in and plant a kiss on Jay's lips. And what happened next nearly destroyed me. I didn't see Jay push him away; he didn't punch Billy or slap him. No I saw his hand reach up and take hold of Billy's neck.
I didn't trust my eyes, this couldn't be happening. I felt like my soul had been ripped out of my body. Tears began to run down my face even though I wasn't crying. I didn't stick around to watch them get any further involved. I tore out of the parking lot and raced for home. It felt like my whole world had ended. I sat in front of my house and cried like a baby. I don't know how long it took for me to get my tears under control, but after I had calmed down it was then that I realized several things.
I had finally understood the cost of giving someone my heart completely. I knew in that instant when I saw them kissing that all those times of unbridled love had a string, a price. And now that the bill had come due, I wasn't sure if I could afford to pay. It had only been three days since I had told Jay that I thought we should cool it to avoid suspicion. Did I mean that little to him, was my love something he could just use and throw away?
As I continued to sit there and think about what had happened my sadness and pain turned to anger. How dare they do that to me. After all I had done for both of them I couldn't believe they would turn around and stab me in the back. I had saved them both and all the pain, heart ache and misery that I went through didn't get me anywhere. I was so mentally and physically exhausted I don't know how I managed to drag my self up to bed, but I did. I passed out and oddly didn't remember having any dreams that night.
All the rest of that weekend I expected Jay to call me and confess what had happened. After I had some sleep and a chance to think about it some more I remembered what had taken place in the showers between me and Kayden. And while I had barely been able to walk away from his embrace, I did. I could understand temptation, it was around us everyday. And even though my dick would often betray my attractions, I can honestly say my mind never once entertained the idea of acting on them.
I had waited for Jay to come clean over the rest of that week end; by the time Monday rolled around I couldn't hold back my anger and frustration any longer. I left early for school that day, intent on getting to Jay's before Billy had a chance to show up. I had to talk to him and confront his infidelity. As I parked my car in front of his home I steeled my nerves and knocked on the door. Jay answered with a shocked expression.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
"Jay I need to talk with you." I said emotionlessly.
"Oh...well I've got to finish getting ready, Billy will be here soon." He answered in an attempt to evade the conversation.
"I think I should drive you to school, this is important." I said.
"I thought it was best if we weren't seen together anymore?" He asked with a hint of anger in his voice.
"Why don't you let me drive you to school so we can talk privately about things?"
"Give me 5 minutes ok?" He said.
"I'll be in the car." I answered him.
I waited for him and wondered whether or not I would be seeing Billy this morning, I didn't think I could handle it so soon. Even though I was angry at Jay I knew I could control it, with Billy I didn't think I would have near as much restraint. Jay ran from the house and hopped in my car.
We drove for a few moments in silence; I was trying to figure out a way to bring it all up. Once the time had come for me to confront him about the kiss my anger seemed to desert me. I had used it to erect a wall around my emotions, to harden my feelings for what would be the inevitable outcome. I should have known once I had given him the key to my heart no lock would ever keep him from it.
"I went to the game Friday night." Jay stated. "I couldn't believe how well you played."
"You knew that was me?" I asked.
"Of course I knew, everyone knows. You did watch the first half right?"
"Yea I saw it." I said.
"Well anyone could see the difference, I mean even though you wore the same number there's no way you couldn't tell it was a different quarter back." He said.
"Well I had to after coach said he wouldn't let me play." I said.
"I waited for you after the game, I wanted to say congratulations but I didn't see you." He said with a measure of sadness.
"I saw you." I stated in a flat voice.
"You did? Why didn't you say hello?" He asked.
"Because I didn't want to interrupt the kiss you were giving Billy." I berated myself for the hurt and misery that slipped out when I told him.
"What?" He whispered.
"I saw you and Billy kissing by his car." I said showing more grief than I wanted.
I waited for his denial, something anything other than the silence I received from that statement.
"Do you love him?" I said suddenly asking the one question I didn't think I wanted the answer too.
Jay's mouth was moving but no sound issued forth. His shock was evident and yet I couldn't help but notice how cute his expression was. Dam I thought, no matter how much I wanted to hate him I just couldn't.
"I....I don't know." Jay said surprising himself more I think than me.
"What do you mean you don't know?" I asked him.
"It's hard to explain John. I ...I don't know if I love him." He said.
"I think I deserve an answer." I stated.
"You do its just.... I'm not sure how I feel anymore." Jay stammered.
"Have you done more than kiss?" I asked like the glutton for punishment that I am.
Silence...his answer to me was silence, and yet by saying nothing I knew there had to be more than just a kiss.
He continued to sit in silence as tears began to stream down my face. Even though I refused to allow myself to cry those tears seemed to have a mind of their own. I had to pull over and park for a minute because my vision was so blurry. After a few moments I got them under control.
"Do you love me?" I asked him with a raw edge to my voice.
"Yes I love you John." Jay said. "But I think I love Billy too."
"How could you feel anything for him after the way he's treated you for so long?" I questioned.
"It's complicated... I guess because Billy was the first person I ever fell in love with." He said with trepidation.
"What?" I asked totally stunned. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought something like this.
"When I met Billy in middle school I had a huge crush on him. And at first I thought he liked me too. He used to be really nice to me, and I think it was then that I fell in love with him. We sort of flirted around with each other, always joking and teasing. That was until his friends started to pick on me. It happened because one day after gym class when we were showering I got hard. Ray was the one who saw me looking at Billy and well after that Billy changed." Jay said in a voice filled with sadness.
"So now after years of abusing you everyday all he has to do is act nice to you and all is forgiven?" I asked him.
"I don't know, I told you it was complicated." Jay said.
"Oh I don't think its that complicated, you couldn't have the one you really loved so you toke what ever you could get, is that it?" I yelled unable to control the pain I was feeling.
I pulled back into traffic to continue the drive to school.
"No it isn't like that John." Jay said.
"Then exactly what is it like Jay?" I shouted.
"Look I can't just turn my feelings on and off ok, I'm sorry that I feel this way about him. I don't want to but I can't help the way I feel John!" Jay yelled showing his frustration.
"What now Jay? Were does that leave us huh? Tell me how am I supposed to be with someone who loves another guy?" I asked.
"Oh I didn't know we were still together." He said sarcastically.
"Don't give me that shit you knew we were only cooling it down so people wouldn't go ballistic." I said angry now that he would throw it up in my face. "I didn't want you to get hurt Jay."
"Yea right you were concerned about your reputation John at least have the balls to admit it." He shot back.
I was stunned, somehow that comment seemed to ring true in my heart. Was he right? Was I more concerned about how I would look or how it would affect me? I was lost in thought when we pulled up in front of the school. Just before jay was about to leave I asked him a question.
"Hey." I said placing my arm on his shoulder. "I have football practice today, if you still want to be with me meet me at my car. If you aren't here then I'll know you don't want me."
He turned around and gave me a look I had never seen from him before. It was one of the few times I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He left my car and walked into school.