This is a complete work of fiction. Any similarity to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. This story is copywrited and sole property of the author. And may not be reproduced without the express consent of the author.
I just wanted to let all of those people who have e-mailed me know that I truly enjoy receiving your thoughts and praise. It's quite a high knowing that I have touched a nerve with so many of you out there. Also for those of you who send me criticisms keep em coming, I'm a big boy I can take it. Even if I don't agree with everything you say feedback is always important to the process. And to those few gutter snipes who like to spew hate I have only one thing to say to you, karma baby it's a bitch. Also I wanted to thank Dan for the suggestions you have made. I hope you enjoy the insanity that is my daily hell gentle reader.
Looking back I guess you could say that for someone who had never really had any sexual experiences, beyond mutual masturbation with a few friends when I was 12, or kissing a couple of girls to keep up my image, that Jay and I moved pretty fast. Part of it I'm sure was our raging hormones, but more than that we really had this special connection. It seemed to grow stronger the more time we spent together. No one had ever affected me the way Jay did.
Over the next couple of weeks we became closer than I ever thought possible. Just watching Jay every day made my heart soar. It didn't seem to matter what he was doing, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear, the way he chewed his food, these simple actions fascinated me beyond belief. Seeing my love mirrored in his eyes was something I can never forget. It didn't matter what was going on, the whole world could be coming to an end and one look from Jay would be enough to make me forget any pain or misery.
All through out this time those little nagging doubts about my future kept gnawing away at my happiness. I tried to push these fears out of my mind, but they were persistent little bastards. They knew when to whisper a few words of doubt, never failing to add their two cents about the way things were going. This was something I had never experienced before in my life. I had never questioned who I was and where I was going. It seemed that love didn't bring all the happy ever after that I had been led to believe. I know what you're thinking, why would you actually buy that crap about true love and all that jazz. Well I didn't, at least not until I actually fell in love. It changed me inside, the person I use to be no longer was. I was too young to really know what a relationship was, the give and take, and the honesty. I only had a vague hint then; things hadn't run their full course.
Our first big game was coming up, and I wanted Jay to come and watch me play. Now it's true that jocks like to show off, at least some times. And I did want to impress Jay, which was also something I had never felt before. Wanting to show off for just one person, man I was certainly on a trip with love. The whole week before the game things seemed a little off, my timing and concentration weren't on the money. I felt a pressure building on my shoulders and my mind was heavy with thoughts of me and Jay. We had been spending so much time together and we never really talked about us, this love that we had. I knew if I didn't tell Jay how I felt about him, and soon things were going to get worse.
If you have ever played football you know that even though everyone says the first game doesn't really matter, it does. This would be the first time we would play together as a team, and if we fell apart on the field it would set the tone for the rest of the season, besides the fact that everyone would look to me and ask why if we lost. So you can understand why I was nervous about the up coming game. After Mondays practice Jay could sense that things weren't right, it never dawned on me that when you're in love with someone they are in tune with your feelings.
"What's wrong?" Jay asked as we were walking out of the locker room.
"Nothing." I replied in a gruff manner.
I had walked a few steps before I realized Jay had stopped walking. I turned around and he was standing there giving me this look of disappointment. As soon as I saw his expression I knew I had made a mistake in not being honest with him about the way I was feeling. Suddenly I just wanted to hold him and tell him everything, but something stopped me and it wasn't the fact that we were standing in the school parking lot. I think the whole reason why I hadn't talked to Jay yet was because then it would be real, as long as I didn't have to say out loud what my feelings were then it didn't exist. I know this doesn't really make sense but I was 16 and didn't know any better.
"We need to talk John." Jay said in a solemn voice.
"I know." I replied.
"We need to talk soon."
I knew of a place down by the river that would give us plenty of privacy. Without even telling Jay I headed the car in the right direction.
"Jay there's so many things I need to tell you." I said
"I know we haven't really talked about any of this."
"It's just I never expected to be in this position."
"What position?" Jay asked.
"To be in love with you." I said
As soon as I told him that I thought he was going to cry, I was so on edge that I didn't know what I would do if he started to cry.
"I." Jay's voice caught in his throat. "I love you."
There it was those three simple words. As soon as he said that to me my heart began to race. Like some drug, those words made me so high. I pulled off along the river to a secluded spot and parked the car.
"Come here." I said turning towards Jay.
I slid my seat back as far as I could and pulled him onto my lap. My lips found his and we kissed, not hungry kisses like before, but soft tender kisses. God that boy could kiss; I have never to this day had a kiss that passionate, that full of love and longing. Without even realizing it I began to grind my hips into Jay's ass, it was like my body had no control where he was concerned.
"John" Jay said breaking our kiss.
"What?"
"We should stop."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because we need to talk, besides this isn't exactly the best place to get that started." He said motioning towards my cock.
"Your right, there are a lot of things we need to discuss." I replied trying not to feel his ass pressing against my hard dick.
"I just wanted you to know that I do love you, more than I ever thought I could." Jay said. "And I also wanted you to know that no matter what you can tell me anything, I wouldn't ever laugh or get mad at you as long as you were honest with me."
As soon as those words left Jay's mouth I felt like a total shit. I had all these doubts about our relationship, and to be honest I was scared, scared of being found out, and scared that I would lose Jay. The one person who would understand, who was probably feeling the same way, didn't have a clue because I was to fucked up to be honest with him. I guess because I had sort of taken control when our relationship began I felt like I didn't want to burden him with my doubts and fears. I thought I had to shoulder all those feelings, in a way I think I was still trying to protect Jay from any harm. But I should have given him more credit, what he may have lacked in physical strength he more than made up for with a mental and emotional fortitude that never ceased to amaze me.
Looking directly into my eyes Jay told me something I will never forget as long as I live.
"John I know how hard this is for you, trust me it isn't easy on me either. There are so many times that I just want to run up to you and hug you and never let go but I cant. I cant tell you how many times I have had to stop my self from touching you when we walk down the hall, all I can say is all the pain and heartache that I go through not being able to show how much I love you is worth it if it means I get to have you sometimes." Jay said with the most passionate look I had ever seen.
"I don't know how I got so lucky to find you Jay, but I swear I'm never letting go. I guess I'm really afraid of losing what we have, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't feel the way I do when I'm with you." Smiling at Jay I couldn't help the tears that were streaming down my face. I don't want you to think less of me but I just couldn't contain all the emotions that were swirling around inside my head. Hell I was worried about what I would do if Jay started crying and here I was squirting tears like some girl. Jay slowly kissed away the tears from my face and I held him for what seemed like hours.
By the time Wednesdays practice rolled around I was feeling like a million bucks, all those nagging feelings of doubt and worry seemed to vanish after Jay and I talked. Even the coach commented on how well I was playing, I knew nothing was going to stop us from wining our first game. Everyone was talking about the parties that would be happening after the game, making plans and generally getting things set up for what was expected to be our first win. I had talked to our assistant coach, Eddy, about getting a hotel room for after the game, I only wanted to celebrate with one person. Now I don't want you to think that we were overly cocky about winning, because we really weren't. It's just we moved, thought and played together so well as a team that we knew deep inside this was going to be a great season. The way my receivers always seemed to be open when I looked for them, or the fact that my line would never fold under anyone's defense were just given facts.
Friday morning I awoke so peacefully and well rested, it was one of those times when you just know it's going to be an awesome day. Getting ready for school I couldn't help but think about the talk Jay and I had, I couldn't wait until after the game. I was going to finally have Jay alone with no interruptions, and I was going to show him exactly how my body felt about him. I couldn't decide if I was going to tell him about the hotel room when I picked him up or if I should make it a total surprise and just take him there after the game. Man I was hard thinking about what I would be doing with him and it was only a short time away.
When I pulled into school my car was swamped with players and cheerleaders, it seemed like we were caught in an impromptu rally. It was all kind of surreal, I can only imagine what Jay was feeling. After we had slipped away from the crowd we quickly went to our lockers. Just before I dropped Jay off at his first class I pulled him into a near by restroom and gave him a deep soulful kiss.
"I needed that to get me through the day." I said.
"Anytime." Jay laughed
"Its going to get really crazy today but don't forget your going to be sitting in the announcer's booth during the game ok." I said.
"Ok how will we meet up after the game?" Jay asked.
"Don't worry I will come and get you."
"Alright I wish I could sit with you guys though, I'm starting to feel like a leaper." Jay complained.
"Hey I know it's rough but you know I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the game if I thought you could get into any trouble." I told him. I guess I didn't blame him though, I would feel the same way if I was always forced to be caged up like that.
"I know I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound whiney." Jay pouted
"Hey don't sweat it little man, guess what?"
"What?" Jay asked.
"I've got a surprise for you after the game." I said waggling my eyebrows.
"What is it?" Jay asked with some excitement in his voice.
"You'll just have to wait and see little man, but I can say this, your going to love it." I said.
Things couldn't be going any smoother; I just knew this was going to be one of the best days of my life. I was enjoying every minute of it.
Well I hope you enjoyed this installment gentle reader.