All That Surrounds Me

This is a rather complex story. It revolves around the realism of relationships and truth behind people. I attempted to really get in depth of the characters. I wanted you to be able to feel exactly what they were feeling. Anyways, I hope that all of you will like this story and really see that the meaning behind it goes far beyond sex craves and lust. Thanks Jackie

Disclaimer - If you know you're not supposed to be reading this, don't.

All that Surrounds Me

1998

Youth. It is such a pity how much it was wasted. I regretted watching the best years of my life pass by without the slightest bit of hesitation. I found myself a twenty-six year old woman in the midst of my being and nothing to show for it. My assets consisted of a two bedroom apartment and a 1994 Ford Taurus. I lived alone and my job as a waitress wasn't even steady. I would say that my success was very slender.

Accomplishments in my love life were slim and very rare. I had 6 series of lovers, most of which had turned out to be schmucks. Three of them were unfaithful, one an abusive alcoholic, one sick of me and another lacked common sense. I had blamed myself for such incompetence and inability to keep a relationship. Due to my lack of social skills and physical beauty, it was quite common for me to be alone.

Work had seemed to be my only option for some reason. The highlight of my days were watching the regular customers who are just as I was. They got up each morning with the same routine, alone and bored. It almost felt like they knew me better than my own family, seeing as how I never talked to them. When I visited on special occasions or holidays I purposely dod everything in my power to avoid my mother. She never failed to ask me, "Angela, where is your boyfriend? Did you meet a nice young man yet?"

There were the days when I even tried to make myself invisible at work. My perverted forty year old boss named Rob who stared down my cleavage frequently disturbed me. Of course my measly attempts to hide always failed, and I was stuck in my miserable bubble all over again. Angela's life in a nutshell.

I had been paying attention to my apartment more and more. The plain white walls vividly related to my non complex physical attributes. It was small and comfortable, quite like my little, petite body with few curves. Then I took a closer look at myself sometimes. I saw this straight light hair, hating the way it curled at the bottom. Rob would say it accented my skin, making me what most would call beautiful. I laughed at all his pitiful attempts to make me feel wanton and desirable just because he wanted down my pants.

I knew that I was the quiet little shy girl everybody assumed things about because they hadn't the slightest clue. I was perfectly aware that I chose to live a complex lifestyle. I knew that I was even strange sometimes, but I was living. Living one day at a time.

The Disposition

I was always the small town girl. I grew up in a little town in Iowa where there was no more than fifteen feet from each house. It was a tight little neighborhood where gossip flowed like the wind. When I hit the age of seventeen I noticed people all around whispering things to each other about me. I soon learned it that the towns people did not approve of my wardrobe. I was too flashy and had a provocative mind for such a young child. For this, my parents altered their disciplinary rules. My father began setting firm regulations and often used physical force on me. I was shuttered behind wooden walls and could only see the outside world through windows. I was stuck spending every waking moment with my chain smoking mother.

When I turned nineteen I moved away from my parents. I wanted to experience life in the fullest. I had a home school education in Iowa, but there was so much more to learn. I wanted the college life and to be around people my own age. Sadly, when I had the privilege of interacting with others, I froze. I never seemed to have the courage to be outspoken. My mentality halted, and I felt like a blubbering idiot. So, I chose not to speak at all. I found an apartment, resided at home and closed the blinds. After so long of doing this, I eventually let it become a frequent lifestyle. It was the only level I felt comfortable on.

Eventually I found a job at Robs sandwich shop as a waitress. And that, is where my story began.

New Hires

Rob was never too great at hiring people. Most of his employees had tattoos up and down their arms of snakes and jail slangs. He even at one time hired a female waitress with a green Mohawk. She ended up getting fired the next day for pulling a pocket knife on a customer who called her "porcupine head." Needless to say, he was not the best manager.

One day during the fall of 1998 I had agreed with Rob to work a double shift. I had nothing better to do anyways, so I willingly said "sure." I had stepped in around 7 a.m, only to find our regular cook had quit. Our new hire was a six foot woman with tattoos on her shoulder and pierced ears. Her hair was cut just past her ears and dark brown. She had on black baggy cargo pants and a tank top. I was not surprised.

Rob walked up to me and said, "this is our new line cook, Sarah." I gave her a smile, just as I had with every other imbecile he hired. I figured she would not be there very long anyways. Most of them ended up going right back where they came from.

She winked at me and stuck her tongue out with a grin. There was a three inch bar right through the middle of it, leaving me completely appalled. I could not help but to be prude and think, "how disgusting." This tall, lanky woman was winking at me and sticking her pierced tongue out. The only thought going through my mind was "nice employees Rob."

I continued to watch Sarah, interested in her behavior. She had seemed to only be concerned in working. She hardly socialized. She just went about her business and efficiently mastered cooking. Her preparation was fast, and she was actually quite good at her job.

"Angela, hurry up. I need this stuff set up in fifteen minutes," ordered Rob. I must not has been paying too much attention because he was becoming unnerved and irritable. All day long I kept giving short glances to Sarah and devoted little attention to my own job.

Thirteen hours later I was told that I could leave. Rob claimed that I was beginning to slouch and drag. I was glad of this because my feet felt like they were on fire. Tiredly, I walked outside, anxious to relax. I was only angered to find that when I turned the key in my car ignition that it would not start. Fuming, I slammed the car door and opened my hood. I was not keen on begging for rides home, especially after a thirteen hour shift.

"You left your lights on," she said. I turned around, shocked to find Sarah sitting on the bench, smoking a cigarette. "Your battery is dead," she stated. She inhaled the nicotine stick once more, savoring the last of it. I watched her exhale, thinking of my mother. I used to think she would disintegrate from smoking so much.

"I can give you a jump if you want. I was just about to go home anyways," Sarah sincerely implied. I was shocked. It was as though she was trying to be nice. She walked to the back of a big pick up truck and pulled out a pair of jumper cables. I witnessed her lift the hood with expertise and attach the cable wires. With great care she started the truck and gave me step by step of what to do. I was almost in awe.

"Let your car run for a few minutes," she ordered. I only gawked as I watched her put away her tools. Sarah then walked back around the car, her short brown hair bouncing. I noticed that she almost looked sexy from different angles. I smacked myself. That was definitely a homo sexual, not to mention provocative thought.

"By the way," she said leaning through my open window. "Your alternator belt is loose. You might want to have somebody tighten it up. That is why your car is making such a horrible noise," she implied. I lifted my eyebrows at this, knowing the Taurus had been making this horrible noise for weeks. It was always the least of my concerns.

I could not help but to be thinking about how well spoken this woman was. She gave such a rebel impression with a leather jacket and tattoos, but was well educated and certainly far from incapability. I could not believe how wrong my judgement was. Something about her unnerved me, but she had a different tone than I expected. I did not know if it was dislike or interest that was drawing me in. It was very odd.

"Thank you," I softly said. She leaned through the window chuckling with a smile. "Sure," she said jokingly. "Is that what it takes to get you to talk?" she asked with a big grin. I was perfectly aware of my blushing cheeks. I turned my head, trying not to make it too obvious.

"Fine then," she said with a sly smile. She was staring down at me, and I noticed a royal blue in her eyes. I gawked, thinking about how different they were from every other pair of eyes I had ever seen. They were dark and luscious, the kind of eyes that made you weak in the knees.

"If you need me to fix that alternator, come talk to me. We can work some sort of deal out," she said with an amused expression. Obviously she was enjoying flirting with me. It was written all over her face, and mine.

What to do, What to do

Quick Reflexes

For three months Sarah had worked at Robs sandwich shop and never caused a nuisance. Punctuality and work ethics were always in her favor and she was incisive on keeping it that way. Sidetracking and laziness were not an option with her. Amazingly, during this time Sarah always presented me with kindness. Even though I never spoke to her, she continued to give me sincere smiles and benevolent eyes.

I could not understand myself. There was part of me that screamed, "talk to her. Do not deny the fact that you have become attracted to her. You are letting your parents ruin your life." Then there was another part of me that screamed, "No! Do not waste your time talking. She will only see how plain you are. Besides, she is weird and probably a drug addict."

While trying to keep my mind in order and on my occupation, I continued to work with Sarah. Even though I only demonstrated silence in front of everybody, my heart screamed. I longed for love and relationship. My life was dull. I had nothing to lose.

Then along came a busy day in August. Customers were flooding Robs shop, and the crowded room was filled with smoke. Sarah was running around making food, doing dishes, ext. I had table after table, and my feet were becoming swollen. It was one of the longest days I had ever experienced.

I was beginning to run out of napkins, and other supplies. I had a few minutes so I ran in the back and began quickly cutting some lemon wedges for drinks. The juice was burning underneath my fingernails, but I was in a rush. My hand was tingling from the liquid and started to feel numb. Unaware of my next action, I sliced and began to panic as the knife quickly slipped. I felt a gouging tear, and watched as blood quickly flowed. I fell back against the wall in pain, witnessing my hand bleed like I had never seen anything in my life. I had no idea how long I sat there. I just remembered not being able to move.

"Angela, you have an ord-." Sarah said as she walked over to the counter. She seen me leaning against the wall, blood trickling to the floor. "Oh my god," I heard her whisper. Without the slightest bit of hesitation, I watched her grab a towel and wrap it around my hand. I winced from the pain, and freed the tears from my eyes.

"Angela, stay with me. I think you hit an artery. We must get you to the hospital right now," she cried. I really was not too sure what she was saying. I only felt pain, and only understood the throbbing. I could feel my heart fluttering, almost as though I was floating away. I perceived dizziness and fatigue as my body became cold and restless. Black was the only color I could interpret.

My Provider

"She has insurance," Sarah screamed at the short woman who sat behind the counter. She sighed, tired of fighting with the short, fat and stubby lady. "I don't understand how it will not cover something like this. What is the purpose of having the bullshit then?"

"Ma'am, I would appreciate if you would control your language. I will explain the situation one more time. The operational care that the patient needs to be done to her hand the insurance company simply does not cover. Miss Bershire is aware that the restaurant she is working for indeed does not provide full workers compensation. At this point she has few options. She can either have her hand amputated, or pay for the surgery self sufficiently. I am deeply sorry, but it is not the hospitals regulations. That is the insurance policy. As a hospital, we can only do so much," said the woman.

Sarah sighed, not knowing exactly what to do. She did not know any of Angela's family or close friends. There was no way of finding out if Rob contacted them, or if they would help out anyways. In a situation that was almost impossible for Sarah to handle she realized something. There was only one person who could make the decision, and that was Angela.

"If you want some advice," said the woman. "You could call up the insurance agency and fight. As a secretary I only keep track of what they tell me. If you are a relative, you have options. These kind of companies hate lawyers and legal action. Threatening to take them to court always gives them a good scare. I mean, that is what I would do. I don't know what your relationship is to the patient, but I am sure if you had it in you to put up a good battle, they would compensate you for the care."

Sarah nodded, worried and wondering. What exactly was her relationship was to the patient? She definitely found her attractive.

There was so much one could tell about her, just by her actions. You could see right into her heart. Angela's difficulties as a child were obvious, and somewhere Sarah even sensed abuse at one point. There was just something about her that made Sarah feel different. Something about Angela Bershire made her weak in the knees. Her heart raced whenever she would walk into the room. With that, Sarah knew she would go to the end of the earth to help this woman.

I shifted, feeling the blankets over me. I pressed my hands on the bed, trying to lift myself up. I only fell back over in pain, making the mistake of putting all my weight on my right hand. I examined the heavy cast that started at my fingers and ended at my elbow. Fear and hope lingered. I prayed that I had not done anything too serious.

I looked around the room. Next to my bed was a chart with the date on it. It said August 21rst, 1998. That told me that I had been in the hospital for a day. It was comforting to know I had not been knocked out that long. My view showed in the back of the room, where two balloons floated. I passed the assumption they were from Rob. It was a nice gesture I would have to thank him for.

It was about forty seconds later that I took consideration of the chair next to me. It was not empty. Sarah was settled in it fast asleep with her head leaning against the wall. As I watched her intently I started to smile. After all she had done for me already, she still was not satisfied. She had sat here all this time, caring more than my own family. There were no words to describe how I felt about the woman.

I heard a knock on the room door, and the handle opened. A younger male doctor entered with a smile. He grinned at me for a moment before saying, "Ah, you're awake!" He was quite short with big glasses. It almost seemed like he could not wipe the grin from his face. I could not help but to think he had a little too much coffee.

"It is nice to see you conscious Angela. There are a few things we need to discuss before I can go any further with your treatment. Yesterday you were admitted to the emergency room by a lady named Sarah Risardi. Do you know this woman?" He was talking to fast and I was trying to catch up with him. I was so tired still.

"Um.... yes, I do," I stated. "I work with her." He was jotting down things on his clipboard as I seen Sarah lift herself up on the chair. She stretched and rubbed her eyes, awaking her body, trying to figure out what was going on.

"While in the ER you were seen by a different doctor than I, but I did some cross examinations and looked at you. You blacked out because you lost a great deal of blood from your hand. See, when you cut your hand, you did more than a little cut. You managed to hit a major artery and the median nerve. We can resolve this tear by doing surgery, but it appears as though your insurance company was not willing to cover the damages. The only other option at that point is to amputate the hand, or pay for the surgery out of your own pocket." Angela had tears forming in her eyes. She looked desperate.

"Fortunately, we don't have to do that . Luckily for you, I have talked it over with the secretaries today and they say otherwise. Apparently a family member called and negotiated with the Insurance Agency. They have agreed to cover the expenses. If you like I am free to do the surgery tomorrow morning and we can get you back home. Although, after the surgery you need to take it easy for at least three weeks. And may I say that Miss Risardi here has done a great deal. She has been at my beck and call in assisting and watching over you."

I kept wondering who was my savior. I certainly did not have the money to pay for a major surgery. The only thing I could begin to think was that Rob called my house. My mother may have fought with the insurance company. It did not seem likely, but it had to be. Regardless, I was thankful for all the help I received. As far as the rest of what he said, it was all very confusing. He went through everything so fast. It was hard to take it all in at once.

After fifteen minutes of running through documents and explaining the operation, the surgeon left. Sarah and I were sitting in the room with an uncomfortable silence. Without making eye contact she grabbed her coat and grasped hold of the door handle. I figured if I was going to talk to her, now would be the moment. She deserved to hear so much from me. I promised myself I was not going to be a coward.

"Why are you leaving?" I asked softly. I was weak, but I was going to talk whether or not it killed me. Despite the pain, I was going to deliver what I should have so long ago. I could really see Sarah for who she was now. I regretted the first judgement I passed on her. She was so much more than I thought. Even if she did time in jail, had tattoos and smoked, she had this aura about her. It made her this great person that nobody knew about.

"Well, I figured you might need some rest. Your surgery is going to be in the morning and I do not want to interfere with that," she stated. Her consideration and intelligence moved me.

"I was hoping you would stay," I said boldly. I was surpassing forbidden boundaries here. Taking risks was not something Angela Bershire did. And here I was, making the ultimate decision. Instead of backing away like I always did, I looked at Sarah and said, "I need you right now."

Sarah turned around. With the look in her eyes I was pretty sure she had just seen a ghost. All the color was gone in her face, and I could see the lack of sleep. Shock was definitely upon her. I watched her drop her coat on the floor and come toward me.

"Took you long enough," Sarah said with a smile. I was staring directly into her electric blue eyes, lost. I caressed her face, wondering where I was suddenly getting all this courage. I was not speaking with my head, but with my heart.

"Because it took me that long just to realize how wonderful you are. I know that I want to be with you." She leaned down, our faces inches apart. I could feel her breath on me. With my good hand, I placed my palm on her chest. I could feel her heart beating rapidly. For some reason, I was no longer even nervous.

She grabbed hold of it with her hands and held my palm there. She leaned in even closer and touched her lips to mine. Her eyes were closed tight as we kissed. It was then that I knew everything would change for me. I was assured that love would be in my life.

Sarah parted our lips and removed my hand from her heart. She walked around the bed swiftly, hopped in next to me, and put her hands around my waist. I was feeling better already.

1 Year Later

"Where the hell is Angela and Sarah? I have been looking for them for almost twenty minutes now!" Rob bellowed. The busboy Nathan shrugged, not exactly knowing what to say. Rob just continued hollering. He was straight up pissed. )))))))))

I leaned my head back against the wall as I felt her hands on me. Sarah was masterful when it came to knowing my desires. I allowed her to do anything, trusting her every touch.

I glanced over at the door just to assure myself it was locked. We were in a small room that I had come across during Spring cleaning. It formerly was an employee break room until addition was added on the restaurant. After that, it just became junk storage. Now Sarah and I used it as our little secret place.

I brought her face to me and kissed her hard, feeling her tongue against mine. The metal of her tongue ring was becoming hot, just as it always did after so long of fore play.

I leaned my head in the crook of Sarah's shoulder, kissing her neck. The warmth of her hand excited my skin as it traveled up my shirt and firmly grasped my breast. My soft sighs of pleasure were overwhelming as Sarah rubbed my nipples with her thumb, leaving me unbearably lustful. She leaned in a kissed me again, massaging her tongue with mine.

Heat lingered through my spine. Sarah's lips were moving downward on my body. The palm of her hand was caressing my thigh, quickening my breath with excitement. I awaited the moment she would touch me in my most sacred places. I yearned for it.

Her hot mouth sucked on my nipples as I begged for fulfillment. I was twisted with agony. Every part of me wanted Sarah to caress my innermost area. I closed my eyes and felt her finger slowly enter my vaginal opening. I let out a deep guttural sigh of satisfaction as she penetrated me two or three times before stopping. Sarah removed her finger and let it drag slightly over my clitoris, making me dizzy with desire. She tickled it ever so gently, almost making me faint with want and desire.

I continued to let Sarah devour me as her mouth kissed my belly button. She inserted her tongue in it, swirling wickedly. I closed my eyes and moaned with pleasure as she sensually stimulated me. I felt a drip of juice from between my legs as my pussy burned with a strong sexual need. It felt like my whole body was on fire.

Sarah kneeled before me and kissed the outer space of my vaginal lips. Fluids were trickling down my leg as I trembled. I was in need of her so bad. Now every inch of me was on fire due to her intense kisses and sensual hands. I wanted to wrap my legs around her neck and squeeze.

Her tongue massaged the tunnels of my pussy as the sweet aroma of sex filled the air. My hands were going through her hair as I erotically pressed my hips against her mouth. I was captivated in our sex, loving every second of it. Her eyes alone beguiled me with her wicked charm and tender love.

My feet were no longer on the ground. My back was pressed against the wall, my knees hanging over Sarah's shoulders. Her hands were gripped to my ass as she penetrated me with her tongue. Every part of me was shaking uncontrollably as the passion grew in my loins. I felt a wave of complete gratification building with every second. I could only hold on to Sarah for dear life.

"Oh god," I moaned loudly. I could not stop the fragile whimpers that so vulnerably escaped. I felt like a virgin who had never experienced such great pleasure. I was shuddering so hard one would have thought there was an earthquake. I could not stop the erotic moans that my vocal chords were releasing.

"Oh Sarah!" I panted through breaths. My hips convulsed hard, thrusting at Sarah desperately. The strong orgasm traveled through me as I writhed myself against her one last time. I felt a twitch between my legs from the earth shattering performance just given. Sweat dripped from my forehead as I regained some kind of composure. My heart was beating so rapid I thought I was going to have a heart-attack.

"You should win some kind of award or something," I said in despair. I sat on the ground leaning against the wall as she breathed heavily before me. Her smile widened and she leaned down and kissed me. I gently touched her poetic lips, and pulled her down to me by the cross hanging from her neck.

"My turn," I said. Before I could even move toward her Sarah began to protest in negativity. I pressed my fingers against her lips ordering silence. "No denials today," I confirmed. My statement was not up for negotiation.

"Do you realize how long we have been gone? Rob is probably throwing a shit fit right about now. I don't know about you missy, but I need a job." She grabbed me by the waist and stood me up. Sarah pulled my panties back up and adjusted my skirt and apron. I giggled like a little school girl.

"I love you," I said to her. She grinned at me with those sparkling eyes that made me melt. Sarah grabbed me by the waist front of my skirt and jerked me forward. I was standing only inches from her, her hands on my bare back. The warmth of them caressed my skin up and down, massaging it gently.

She kissed my lips softly, gently easing her tongue in. The sensation of her taste lingered in my mouth and dueled with my own tongue. I was losing my trail of thought again as my hands naturally went around her neck. I was unaware of all other situations around me. My only obligation was to be there, at that very moment with Sarah. I was twenty one years old and willing to spend the rest of my life with her.

Let The Problems Begin

It was February 9th of 2000. I sat in our apartment staring at the clock. It was around 3:30 AM and Sarah had still not returned from her work party. She had received a new job at the Olive Garden and they were taking her out for drinks. It was her birthday.

I wasn't really one to get worked up, but it was getting late. Usually I got a phone call, note, some kind of notification. Today I had received nothing. Not only was I terrified, but missed her. She had never been out so late and I was agitated with worry beyond belief.

Around four o'clock I heard the door click and felt my heart rise. A sudden sense of relief traveled through my veins. Knowing that Sarah was safe and not hurt in any way truly lifted my soul. At least I felt like that until I looked at her.

Sarah stumbled through the door and fell directly to the tile. I ran straight to her restless body as it laid on the floor. I was in a panic.

As soon as I turned her over it hit me. Sarah was completely and utterly drunk. I could smell the alcohol coming off of her like a skunk. Her breath wreaked horrid like a toilet bowl. Disappointed in her, I carried Sarah to bed and allowed her to sleep it off.

"Oh god, never again..." Sarah said in agony. She was sitting on the kitchen table with a cup of coffee before her. Her hand rested against her forehead as she complained about its constant pounding. I only listened and very rarely commented.

"I wish you would have called," I said, interrupting her rampage. She turned her head and looked at me dumbfounded, shocked that I was angry. It never seemed to occur to her that I was pissed.

"I'm really sorry. I don't even remember half the night," Sarah said as she bent down and opened the fridge to get milk. It was not until then that she noticed the cake on the bottom shelf. There were twenty two shrunken candles for her age. They had sat lit on the table for a an hour before I finally blew them out.

Her eyes immediately fell to the floor. I could see the guilt in her face and body gestures. Sarah was rubbing the back of her neck the way she always did when uncomfortable. I watched her stand back up and walk over to me. She was staring directly into my eyes as I watched the tears build in hers. She was fighting the urge to let them fall.

"I am truly sorry. I didn't know you had plans, I mean I did, but I didn't think of it and I am really, I mean, I feel bad-." I waved my hand at her, telling her to shut up. Her apologies were usually the same. Everything that she said was fifty miles an hour and filled with excuses. I could not make out a damn word she said.

"It's okay. It's done, it's over and I don't want to dwell on it. Now come here," I said as I pulled her to me. I kissed her soft lips, exhilarated because we were no longer fighting. It took a lot for Sarah to say sorry, and I was glad that she did.

I loved her more than life itself. Her self assurance and beauty blew me away. She had those eyes that I could stare into forever and never become bored. I loved her soft lips and divine smile. Sarah had a very sexy essence about her that drove me wild. Her physical and inner characteristics were amazing enough to keep me infatuated with her. Not just because I loved her, but because I had been doing it so long I could not imagine existence any other way.

))))))__))))

"Your mother called earlier," said Sarah. I turned quickly, rubbing my ears to make sure I heard correctly. I had not talked to my mother in almost three years.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked. Something was definitely not right, and I was going to figure it out. My family never really cared about me, and would not call unless they wanted something. If my mother did indeed call, there was a sole purpose behind it.

"I'm talking about when I answered the phone and your mom was on the other line. It was the first time I had ever talked to her. She was rather obnoxious if you ask me, but it was odd because you never talk about your family," Sarah said. I was embarrassed to talk about them. My family was developed by the spawn of Satan.

"You never talk about yours, or your past for that matter," I replied. I was building a fire I could not put out. Sarah was very sensitive about past events in her life and I knew it. We hardly ever fought, so I was unsure why I was starting one then.

"Angie, honey, I am not going to fight with you. I was just telling you that your mom called and that you were not home when she did. Okay babe?" Sarah was very calm and collected. Things just surpassed her without making her angry. I never understood why.

I smiled after Sarah kissed me gently on the lips. The moist and wonderful texture of them caressed mine, leaving me filled with joy. Her kisses could make me smile forever.

"I'm sorry. I am just curious as to why she is calling. I haven't talked to my mother in almost three years. We have been together since 98 right? Well, I stopped contacting them about six months before we started dating." I implied. Sarah was listening to me intently, wondering many things.

"Why?" she asked. I knew this question would come up, and I was not ready to answer it. I was not ready to step to that level. I had serious trust issues. It was not because I could not trust Sarah, but because I could not trust myself. I was terrified of allowing anyone else to know my past. I did not want her thinking less of me

"How about I tell you another time," I said. I knew she would stay satisfied with that answer. I could not bring myself to pour out my soul that night.

I sat down on the couch next to Sarah and leaned my head against her. My face was buried in the crook of her neck as I wrapped my arms around her waist. The closeness of her gave me a sense of security I never wanted to live life without.

I shifted my body so I was in Sarah's lap. I was leaned against her chest with my head resting on her chin. I was rolled up in a ball like a child. I leaned forward and kissed her ear before she wrapped her arms around me. Her fingers were massaging my palm. Sarah had a habit of rubbing where the scar was on my hand.

"Promise me that no matter how bad things get, we will always get through it," said Sarah. I looked up at her and smiled. After a moment of staring straight into her eyes I replied, "I promise."

Family Time

"Who is your friend?" My mother asked abruptly at the front door. I rolled my eyes, recognizing the typical behavior in her. There was a deficiency of tact.

"I'm Sarah," she said offering her hand to my mother. I watched mother stare at it for a moment before giving it complete disregard. Instead, she opened the door giving Sarah the most harsh look I had ever seen.

The house looked the same as before. The carpets were still old and faded. The people were still heartless and bitchy. It was still without all the characteristics of being a home.

I sat down at the kitchen table, completely uncomfortable. I could only imagine the things going through Sarah's mind. My mother was staring at her up and down, giving her glances of death.

There was a rather long silence before my mother burst out with, "How long have you two been fucking?" Both Sarah and I looked up, shocked. The question jumped out of nowhere. Modesty was not a factor of my mother.

"We have been dating for three years," I said. She was giving me a sarcastic look. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide away.

"Jesus Christ. You leave home for a few fucking years and become a damn carpet muncher. God Almighty! Your father and I did not raise a damn dyke. What am I gonna do now? What the hell am I suppose to say when my friends ask me, ' what's Angie been up to lately?' I know! I'll just say, 'Oh she is just fine. Eating pussy as a matter of fact!'"

My eyes were as wide as nickels. I mean, I had expected words. But this, this was out of control. My mother was on the rampage about my sexuality and her put downs were ruining my mood.

Sarah looked furious. I was almost positive she wanted to rip mothers head off. I really didn't blame her though. If it was her parents I was sure I would feel just the same.

Just as I was about to say something, my father was in view. I witnessed him in his Sunday suit, walking down the hallway. He was searching frantically for something.

"Helen, have you seen my pap-?" My father said before seeing me. He jumped back, greatly surprised to see me.

Before I could even protest my mother interrupted. "Richard, this is our daughters girlfriend. She is licking the punani now." My father was stunned by mothers distinct outburst. I knew there would be a refusal to accept my sexuality. I just could not believe the way it was becoming known. I never wanted to leave a room so greatly in my entire life.

"This is not some kind of sick joke, is it?" My father was looking directly at my face. I was terrified. I had seen those eyes burning into mine so many times before. Memories of his hands striking me time and time again came rushing back.

Before anybody else could ridicule my ways I started talking. I had something to say, and did not plan on backing down. The ridiculousness of the situation was becoming pathetic.

"I absolutely did not come here to discuss my sexual orientation. Sarah is my lover, and I am not going to deny that. The fact remains that she has treated me far better than any man (or other person in this world for that matter) ever has. No matter what you say, I will not change my mind about any of this. So just tell me why you called, and I can be on my way."

My mother was grimacing at me while shaking her leg furiously. She was taken back by my new attitude. She was quite shocked that I was sticking up for myself.

"Well if you must change the topic, we called because we got this bill in the mail. It is most certainly not ours. It's some kind of insurance policy or some crap. I don't know how the hell it got here." Mother got up and grabbed something from the kitchen. I followed her in, wondering what she was talking about.

I took the letter out of the open envelope. It was a statement from the insurance company. They were verifying the hospital payments. The surgery costed $11,000.00. The policy covered almost every area in the statement I was relieved.

"You're the one that called about this, aren't you? When I cut my hand?" I asked my mother. She looked at me dumbfounded, not knowing what I was talking about.

"I really don't know what you're talking about. I didn't call no insurance company if that is what you're asking." She was smoking a cigarette, blowing it all in my face.

I stared at Sarah sitting on the couch silently. It had to have been her. All this time I was so confident it was my mother who helped me. I should have known who it really was.

"You know what, we really have to go," I said. I could not stand another minute of their rude comments and sarcastic blubbering. Besides that, I could tell Sarah was hanging on by a thread. She was holding back all her pride for me, but I could sense her desire to spit in my parent's faces.

My father began to protest, "Oh no you don't! We need to talk about this lesbian stuff. You're not gonna come parading around this town ruining our reputation!" I kept walking out to my car, not really caring what he was saying.

"Well, at least now I know where you get your sarcasm from when you're pissed," Sarah joked. I started the Taurus as my father yelled from the front door. I leaned over and kissed my lover right in front of him. Never again would I go back there. He could stop worrying. His reputation was not in jeopardy.

Infidelity

"This is so fucking typical of you," I screamed while throwing Sarah's clothes at her. I was rummaging through her drawers, tearing everything I seen out of them. I was raging beyond belief.

"Would you calm down?" she asked. I chucked a shoe at her abruptly and quite hard. Sarah ducked quickly, shocked at my behavior. I was not going to settle down either.

"Oh, you're just so calm and collected about this, aren't you? Of fucking course!" I screamed. All the blood in my body was rushing to my face as I continued to dump all her clothes out on the floor. I was shaking in a violent uncontrollable anger.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Nothing happened!" Sarah yelled in defense. I looked over to her, even more enraged.

"Oh, yeah. You two kissing was nothing happening. You're absolutely right Sarah. I'm blowing this way out of proportion. There is nothing wrong with Amy's tongue down your fucking throat. Next time I'll send her a fucking invitation!" I was ranting on like a wild woman. I picked up a picture frame and threw it at her.

"Jesus Christ! It is not like I was responding. What you seen was only her kissing me. You obviously missed the part where I was pushing her away dammit!" Sarah threw the picture frame back at me. It went past me and the glass shattered against the wall.

"Oh yeah. I must of had a real bad view. It wasn't your hand on her thigh. That was a fucking figment of my imagination!" Sarah threw her hands in the air in defeat. She was getting tired of arguing with me.

"Everything has to be sarcastic with you. You're not even listening to me Angela. I am getting real tired of this, real quick. If you cant trust me, obviously this relationship needs to end. Right now, you're not trusting me at all. I told you eight times, and I will tell you once more. Amy kissed me and I did not return the favor. If you're not going to believe me, I guess I will have my things packed by morning." Sarah's eyes were burning with rage. I had hit a soft spot.

I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. I was not sure what to do. I was so certain in what I saw. I wanted to believe her, but I didn't know how. I was so assured most of the time. I was having a hard time accepting that this particular time maybe I was wrong.

Sarah sat with her head in her hands on the corner of the bed. She had given up on fighting with me. I was relentless.

"I'm sorry," I said to her. She ran her hands through her hair, exhausted from yelling. Sarah smiled back at me and nodded her head. Apparently she knew.

I kneeled down and hugged her. Words did not seem appropriate at the moment. Only tender hugs and loving caresses.

The Beginning of a Battle

August 2001

"You need to stop doing this Sarah. I have dealt with it for months now. Either you get help, or I move out." I stared at her in disbelief. I was so filled with disappointment. She had let me down time and time again.

"Don't do that Angie. You know that I need you right now." Her words were spaced apart and slow. I thought she would fall out of the chair at any moment. Her drunken states were disgusting.

"I have been trying to help you for months now Sarah. You just don't give a shit. You don't go to meetings, you don't do anything. This is the fourth night this week. You lost your job. What am I supposed to do? You don't need me. The only thing you need is your Budweiser."

Sarah was on the floor, leaning against the couch. She was hardly able to keep her eyes open. I could not bear to look at her for a minute longer. I picked up my keys and opened the door, staring at her pleading eyes. A place in my heart did not want to leave because I loved her unconditionally. There was a heavy weight on my soul.

The door handle was becoming hot, and I knew I had a choice. I could leave at that very moment and allow Sarah to get the help she needed, or, I could stay. Staying meant watching her drink her life away, throwing out every chance of recovery. Truth be told, Sarah needed the wake up call.

Sincerely and with the best intentions, I closed the door, walking out with tears in my eyes.