The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities are entirely fortuitous. The story may contain profanity and references to gay sex. If such content offends you please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Do not copy or use without written authority from the author. Write Bobby at brokendreamboi@yahoo.com with your comments.
Beautiful Lie 10
I woke up around ten and immediately went to take a shower. When I got in the bathroom I locked the door behind me then turned the water on the hottest it could go. Within a minute the bathroom was nice and steamy. Undressing myself clumsily I unfortunately started thinking about Tommy and why he betrayed me the way he did. Maybe it was something I said? Maybe it was the new body spray I got? Oh, I know, it's my hair. Yeah, it got darker since I'm not outside as much as I usually am during the summer. That's it! Maybe if I just lighten it he'll come back to me.
The hot water splashing against my body was the most enjoyable experience I've had in a long time. With shampoo in my hands I massaged it into my scalp. I put toothpaste on my toothbrush and brushed my teeth slowly. After I spit the leftover paste out along with getting the last bit of shampoo out of my hair, I proceeded to use the same strawberry crème conditioner I've used since two weeks before I met Tommy. So it can't be my conditioner could it? But maybe he doesn't like strawberries? What if he likes apples better, or coconuts? Oh my God I need to go buy coconut conditioner!
I shut the hurriedly shut the water off and began throwing my clothes on. Boxers, pants, shirt, socks...where're my shoes!? In my room, duh! I ran out of the bathroom dripping wet with strawberry conditioner still in my hair. Now that I have my shoes on I can go to the store and win back Tommy.
As I was running downstairs I ran into Brian. "Hey dude, watch where you're going."
"Sorry, gotta go, bye!" I shouted even though he was right in front of me. Before he could say something back I was already running down the stairs. Of course, I tripped on myself and fell seven stairs away from the front door.
"Honey, are you okay?" mom asked, rushing to my side.
"No I'm not okay! I have to get to the store!" I jumped up and tried getting away from her.
"Why? What's wrong?" she asked in a concerned tone.
"I know why Tommy left me." I cried. "He doesn't like strawberry conditioner obviously so I have to go to the store and I buy coconut conditioner!"
"Honey, I don't think it's the conditioner. Maybe he has a plausible reason for saying the things he did last night."
"Um, no, there is no reason for what he said. But obviously I can fix something. I also have to get hair dye because I need to go a shade or two lighter. Now I have to go!" I ran outside and into my car.
On the way to the store Tommy's face continued to run through my mind. At least the store wouldn't be crowded though. It's Friday morning, ten-thirty, it shouldn't be crowded, right?
Wrong.
Apparently, Target was having some sale today until noon. I learned this when trying to find a fucking parking spot. Once I finally did find a parking spot, however, I practically flew inside pushing my way past people.
On the hair care isle I got lucky, surprise surprise. There was enough coconut conditioner to feed France. I mean, well, you know what I mean. The next isle over had the dye and the straighteners and everything else you could use to spice up your hair. I couldn't decide on which brand or type to get so I asked the sales associate that was amazingly on the same isle.
"Excuse me, for my color hair should I get this L'Oreal or Redken hair color?" I asked politely.
The woman turned around and stared daggers through me. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to lower your voice."
I just stood in amazement. Me lower my voice? I didn't even raise my voice one level. "Um, I'm sorry, but I'd just like to know which color I should use for my light brown hair. L'Oreal says that this kind should be better for my color, but Redken says that this one would be better. What do you recommend?"
"Sir, if you would wait a moment I could help your properly. Now please just calm down." she said in an authoritative tone of voice.
Okay, now I'm getting pissed. This woman better pull her head out of her ass before I really raise my voice; not that it was raised earlier mind you. So, impatiently I waited for her to finish with whatever she was doing. When she put the last tub of gel onto the shelf she turned and looked at me and then just walked away!
"Excuse me, I still need some help here." I said, this time in a more raised voice.
"I'm busy right now, sir."
Fuck! That's the straw! I caught up to her, spun her around, and grabbed her shirt by the collar. "I'm through with being polite god damn it! Now help me choose a freaking hair color!"
"Security!" she screamed. Everyone who was around us now had their attention completely on us.
"Hey!" That was the only thing I heard before being tackled to the ground.
"You bitch! I just wanted to know what hair color to get! Oh, you just wait and see what happens when I get free. I'm going to knock every single gel tub over!" Okay, give me a break, I had no idea what I was really saying.
I was quickly carried into the back offices and placed in the manager's office. Whoever the person is wasn't at their desk. Great, even more waiting and I'm running out of time to win back my boyfriend. Why couldn't that bitch of a sales associate just randomly fucking pick one? I seriously wouldn't have known the difference. I don't even know why I asked. I guess I just wanted to look my best for Tommy. Today is our three weeks apparently, but right now I don't see anything special on my horizon. Hell, I'd be lucky to get off the hook with this crap. I'm so fucked.
"You have quite a lot of nerve young man." a woman spoke, coming into the office door from behind me. "Just what in the hell were you..." She stopped talking and walked to her desk. I sat wide-eyed at who was before me. "Zac?"
"Mrs. Hammond," I said awkwardly. "I didn't know you worked here."
"Yes, I'm the general manager." she said. "But down to business. What were you thinking doing that to Barbara Small?"
"Mrs. Hammond, I asked for help with choosing a hair color and she said I needed to lower my voice, but I was so not talking any louder than I am right now and so I waited and asked again, but she said that id I'd just wait a minute she'd help me properly so I waited again and then she finished and then just walked away so I followed her and asked her for help again then that's when everything went downhill." I let out an exasperating sigh when I finished talking in light speed.
"Well, she will definitely be dealt with." Stacy said, flipping through some files.
"So, um, am I free to go?"
"Not yet," she said sternly. "I need to know something."
I could only imagine what she was going to ask. "Shoot,"
"What is happening between you and Tommy? I haven't heard from you or seen you in quite a few days."
I looked at her without emotion. I was trying to be strong because I could feel the emotion building up in my eyes. But Tommy's name, the memory of his kiss, was enough to burst my dam.
Stacy walked over to my chair and hugged me. "I don't know, Stacy. Erik happened I guess you could say." I cried pathetically.
"Erik? Erik Johnson?" She pulled away from me in shock.
"Yes, why?"
"Zac, I don't know anything, but please don't rule my son out now. There are things you might not know about this family."
"Like what?"
"Well, what has Tommy told you?"
"He hasn't really said anything. I mean, he never even told me you worked here. He's never even said anything about his dad."
Stacy cringed when I said dad. Maybe it has something to do with his dad. Whatever is going on here is completely going over my head though. But maybe what happened with his dad is why Tommy is...ugh...dating Erik. I think my brain is finally starting to kick back on.
"Zac, I shouldn't say anything about this, but...no, Tommy needs to tell you. It's very personal and he has a difficult time talking about it so give him a chance. But as for him dating Erik, this could be the explanation you need."
"Wait, how'd you know he was dating Erik?"
"Shit," she muttered. "I was concerned about him a couple of nights ago because he was very sulky and quiet. I followed him when he told me he was going to the mall with a friend. I also got concerned when he didn't mention your name. I thought he was doing drugs or something. Anyways, I followed him and then saw him and Erik together."
"When was this?" I asked, astonished that eve she'd go to the lengths of spying on him.
"I think it was Thursday evening." she said unclearly.
"That's when I spied on him. I almost went and beat Erik's ass." I said in anger.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't. That probably would have upset Tommy quite a bit."
"Stacy, why is this happening to me? I mean, I can't figure out what I did to make Tommy even consider leaving me." I cried softly. Damn it, I am so sick of crying in front of people. I feel so fucking weak. And I'm cussing more than ever.
"Zac, this has nothing to do with you. I don't know what it has to do with exactly, but I'm almost certain it's dealing with Tommy's emotions. Like I said Zac, there are things you don't know about this family that you need to know. Just talk to Tommy, Zac, and give him a chance to explain things." A single tear rolled down Stacy's left cheek. This family secret must be pretty damn bad. Now I have to go find Tommy and talk to him.
I talked to Stacy for a few minutes longer before telling her I needed to get the conditioner out of my hair. She gave me both hair color kits and the coconut shampoo and told me it was on her. I thanked her then left and drove home in deep thought.
Right when I walked through my front door mom hugged me too tightly. She dragged me into the kitchen and made me breakfast while just keeping a steady conversation. Several times I tried leaving to take another shower, but she insisted I wait until I ate breakfast. Dad even came out of the garage (BIG surprise) and started asking me random ass questions. These questions are like questions you get asked on like prom night when you take your girlfriend, not that I would ever do that.
"Oh, dad, when is the bachelor party tonight?" I asked him, remembering that it's Saturday.
"It's at eight, but I thought you and Tommy had plans-" Mom smacked him upside the head and glared at him. I love my dad, but sometimes his head is so full of hot air.
"No, he had to cancel." I muttered.
"Oh, well I think tonight we are going to have a lot of fun. Pete was telling me today that besides us there's gonna be a few other guys he used to work with, Larry the hardware guy, his brother, and another friend." dad explained excitedly. In truth, I was hoping I could get completely wasted tonight. That's really the only reason I'm still going to go through with tonight. I just want to get thrashed.
"Um, I need to take a shower." I said sadly. Remembering that today was Tommy's and mine three weeks and knowing we now weren't going to be celebrating it got me really depressed really fast.
I again turned the water on as hot as it could go. Knowing I still had conditioner in my hair I decided against washing it again, but I knew I had to put some shampoo in it to get the conditioner out. Other than that I just stood there enjoying the water splashing against me body.
Sobs flowed out of my mouth as easily as the water flowed out of the shower head. What was wrong with me? Why did all these things happen to me? Hunter promised me he'd never leave me. He lied. Tommy promised me that Erik wasn't anything to him but a friend. He lied. I'm so sick of being hurt. But Stacy did say that Tommy might have had a reason for "dating" Erik and that it might have been because of Tommy's emotions. I really want to talk to him about what happened to or with his dad, but that would mean I'd have to call him or go find him. As if.
I got out and dried off completely this time around. With all the conditioner out of my hair my head felt a few pounds lighter. Speaking of lighter I have those two hair color kits.
Let me skip the details of the next hour, but all you need to know is my hair is back to its summer "light" brown; no more winter dark brown. Now maybe Tommy will realize the mistake he made. Oh, wait, Stacy said it might be his emotions. I keep forgetting about that.
I dialed a number and pushed send. After three rings the voicemail came on.
"Hey Tommy, it's Zac. I just wanted to call you and see how you're doing. So, call me back later if you want." I hung up and felt proud of myself. I let go of my pain and anger for twenty seconds to make a simple phone call.
"Dad, are you ready to go?" I shouted from the kitchen. "Pete's party starts in fifteen minutes!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" he yelled back. I couldn't help it, I had to laugh at his choice of words.
"No laughing at your dad. You know it's not nice to make fun of people like him." mom said sarcastically. She walked up to my and fixed my hair that was already fixed. "You know once you have to look at it for long enough that color doesn't look too bad and it looks like your summer hair."
"Thanks for being nice, but I know it doesn't. It looks completely horrible." I groaned. I ran my fingers through my hair then fixed it...again.
"Okay, I'm ready." dad said. He walked into the garage and brought out a huge wrapped box. I'm throwing myself out there, but I'm guessing that's Pete's present. "Do you want to drive?"
"Yeah, but we're taking your truck." I grinned smugly.
"Where is Brian? He's supposed to be back from Danielle's by now."
"Here I am," Brian shouted, coming through the front door.
Mom kissed us all goodbye and said she had to get ready for June's, Pete's soon to be wife, party. Us men went to dad's truck and I drove us to the bar where it was going to be held. As soon as I pulled up to Big Jim's Tavern dad and Brian practically jumped out of the truck.
"Damn drunks," I muttered under my breath after they got out leaving me to go and park the truck. I knew they were just excited to get there because of it being a tavern. Sure, dad drinks at home, but nothing compared to how he drinks when he's at a party. Same with Brian, but not the "at home" part.
I found a spot close to the tavern. I got out and casually walked to the small building. Tommy's ring tone rang which scared the crap out of me. But it wasn't a call. It was a text message. Thank God.
"Zac come over so we can talk tonight please." I read out loud. Another message came after that one. "I love you."
For the time being I had to push Tommy out of my mind and concentrate on the bachelor party I was about to walk into. The decision of going over and talking to him was also pushed out of my mind for now.
You know, it's amazing to me how fast I have recovered from yesterday. I mean, I know I'm not 100% better, but I could be worse right now, right? I could be at home in my bed just crying my eyes out, but instead I am continuing my life no matter how hard it is. It's the same way as it was with Hunter. When I was in the hospital lying in that cold bed and my mom told me he died I just kind of ignored my feelings. Some weeks later though I eventually got really bad, but that was a time before my story started.
Anyways, back to my party time. Right as I opened the door to the tavern I was greeted by some cigar smoke and loud laughter. Big Jim's wasn't that big, but it had that homey feeling. There were five or six small round tables, some chairs, the bar, bathrooms, a foosball table, dart board, juke box, various sport pictures, and a pool table.
"Well it's about time," dad said, placing his beer down on a table. "Pete, you remember my boy, Zac?"
"How you doing, Zac? It's been a while since I last saw you." Pete said politely. He was pretty tall, not too heavy, long beard, long ponytail, all in all not my type of guy.
"I'm pretty good, Pete. Thank you for inviting me." I said, returning the politeness even though I really wasn't feeling anything but pain. "Dad, can I get a beer?"
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen,"
"That's my boy!" dad laughed.
About an hour later I had downed three beers and asked my dad for something stronger. He only ordered me something stronger on one condition: I had to clean his truck for the next month. I figured it wasn't such a bad deal figuring I'm usually the one who cleaned all the vehicles anyways. So, dad got me something called a Naughty Volcano. I don't know what was in the drink, but after just one sip I was more buzzed than I was after the three beers.
The rest of the night went fairly pleasant. Pete ordered another round for everyone. He also opened the presents that everyone got him. Eventually the night was beginning to wear on us and a couple guys went home. Now there was only me, dad, Brian, Alan, John, Bruce, Wayne, and Pete left.
"So, Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill, If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.' To which he replied, Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!'" All the men began roaring after that joke that Wayne just told. I was kind of on the moon so I only caught the last part, but at least it was funny.
Around eleven I really started getting down about Tommy. I again remembered all the great times we had in our three week relationship. Oh my God, speaking of three weeks, it's our anniversary tonight! Tommy told me he had something special planned. Shit! I began to worry and I really began getting teary eyed. Now I want to go see Tommy and just...just be in his arms again. I don't even care about Erik right now. I just want my Tommy back.
"Dad, I need to go home." I mumbled, pulling on his sleeve. For being here for three hours, Brian only drank two beers and dad, well, he drank more than anyone I think.
"O-okay, well let's g-get you a c-cab. Brian w-will just d-drive me home." he slurred. His breath reeked of alcohol. Mom is going to have a fun night tonight; unless she is major drunk too.
Brian walked me outside and got on his cell phone. I sat on the curb and wondered what I'd do when I saw Tommy in the next half hour. My plan was to just tell the cab driver Tommy's directions and call mom to tell her I'd be there. Right now, however, I'm not concerned on who knows what. I just want my Tommy.
"Zac, I already gave the company Tommy's address. That is where you're going, right?" Brian asked, sitting next to me with an arm around my shoulder.
"You're great, you know that?" I asked, wiping tears from my eyes.
"Any idea on what's gonna happen?"
"Not a clue. I just miss him so much."
"I bet you do. But why did you act like nothing even happened today?"
"I was afraid that if I continually thought of him that I'd just lose it and do something stupid or even just stay in bed all day and cry my eyes out."
"Mom told me that that's what you did when Hunter...um...died."
"Yeah,"
"Was it good to do it again?"
"No,"
"I love you, Zac." Brian scooted closer to me and squeezed my shoulder. It felt nice to have an arm around me. Tommy popped in my mind again, but I pushed him out again as my cab pulled up. "Give him hell, Zac."
"I love you too, Brian."
The cab driver kind of sucked. He was a bit rude, he drove too roughly, and kept glaring at me in the rearview mirror. I don't want to be overdramatic, but I was afraid for my life in that damn cab. So, not only do I have to deal with going to Tommy's and possibly being crushed, but this drive to his house could be my last ever. Tears rolled down both of my cheeks from passion and fear. But once I started crying the taxi seemed to just fly through town and right up to Tommy's house. I gave the jackass driver the fare with only a few bucks for a tip and then hastily got out. The path up to Tommy's porch seemed to last forever, but I finally found myself pressing his doorbell.
"Damn it, Erik, I told you that if you fucking set foot on my property again I'm gonna...Zac!" Tommy said while opening the door.
"Hi," I barely choked out. Seeing his face made my eyes burn with tears even more.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked urgently.
"I'm fine, I'm fine." I said. "Actually, no, I'm not fine. I miss you, Tommy, and I still love you!"
Tommy jumped into my arms and held me tight. "I love you, too!" He walked me inside and sat me down on the living room couch. "Why are you here?"
"I came to talk to you." I murmured against his arms which were holding me closer than before.
"Well, talk, talk."
"I hate you for what you did with Erik. I was at the mall Tommy I saw you Thursday night with him. I heard what you said about being boyfriends. Why would you say that stuff if you love me so much?" I cried out.
Tommy took a deep sigh before releasing a gentle sob. "It's complicated. It's so complicated."
"Well, uncomplicate it then! I need to know why you did all of this to me, Tommy. Your mom told me it probably had something to do with your emotions."
"Trust me, Zac, I didn't mean any of it and I do love you with all my heart." he said affectionately. I could tell he wasn't lying to me, but I thought that before and now look how far its escalated. "When I was thirteen my mom and dad were kind of thinking about getting a divorce. They, of course, told me that it wasn't my fault at all, but I always knew it was all about me. I came out a month before all the divorce stuff was brought up. Mom was perfectly okay about it. Dad was a different story though. He told me that he loved me still. A month later, they're arguing about who gets the dining room table.
"One night when my mom went to work, dad told me to come into his room so we could have a talk. He started asking me simple questions, but then he started to become mad and...violent. I don't remember much, but I do remember him throwing me onto his bed and...yanking my shorts down." Tommy let out more soft sobs. I knew where this was going and I suddenly wasn't mad at all anymore. All the anger was replaced with compassion.
"Tommy, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. I'd understand." I said, placing a hand on his knee. He stood up and went to the kitchen. A few seconds later he came back with two glasses of water. He sat back next to me and crossed his legs. He placed his head on my shoulder and I held his hand.
"No, I need to talk about it. It's been so long." he said softly. "After he yanked my shorts down and off he started screaming at me to shut the fuck up' and if you're a fag then you're gonna like this.' That's when I knew for certain that I never wanted to even speak of my dad ever again. The pain I felt within five minutes was so bad I almost passed out. I'm actually kind of surprised that I didn't. But once he was done he told me that if I told mom what just happened he'd kill me.
"Two days later my mom noticed that I was having trouble sitting down and it was hard for me to move quickly. She took me to the doctors and they told her I'd been raped. When the truth of the rape came out mom went into this rage. She called the cops, her lawyer, his lawyer, family, and even a coworker. The divorce then took a turn in mom's favor for obvious reasons and the judge granted a restraining order on my dad of 300 feet. Of course, that restraining order will only take affect once he gets out of prison.
"I told Erik about this when we met in the ninth grade. A couple months later he moved. He promised that he'd never tell a soul about what happened. Me, being the idiot that I am, believed him. The day after he called me he threatened me with telling you about what happened. I was so scared, Zac, that you'd leave me and hate me I agreed to his demands. You must think I'm pretty pathetic now, huh?"
I sat in shock. I was still trying to absorb what Tommy had told me about his dad then he tells me the incident involving Erik. Many emotions coursed through my body, but none were as strong as the compassion I again was feeling.
"Tommy Hammond, I absolutely do not think you're pathetic. You are one of the strongest people I know. Getting over the rape, being blackmailed by Erik, you think I'd care about any of that? As long as I know you're happy and safe, that's all I want!" I said emotionally. I got up from our little position and kneeled in front of him, grasping both his hands with mine. "I love you so much and I am so sorry for how I treated you. I understand why you didn't tell me about that. But as for leaving you and hating you for it? No way. In fact, I think I love you more right now than I have in the past three weeks."
Tommy started to cry hysterically. He fell forward right into my arms. With his face buried in my shoulder I gently caressed his back. This poor boy had to endure being raped when he was thirteen and all I could think about was how I feel. And then Erik, oh oh, Erik, he had better just sense the anger within me and run the fuck out of town. But for now, I am going to hold my baby and help him deal with his pain.
It's a dangerous world. So we all look for protection. And whether we find it in the arms of our mother, or at the end of a jagged blade, in the kiss of our sweetheart, or at the end of a barrel, we do what we have to to feel safe because we know somewhere in the world there are those who would do us harm.
Feel free to send comments to the e-mail given at the top of the chapter. Also feel free to join my group and myspace at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Shades_of_Wisteria/ and www.myspace.com/shades_of_wisteria/. Thanks!