Chapter 18: Who Will Catch Me When I Fall?
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am am I affiliated with Big Time Rush (BTR), Viacom, or Nickelodeon. This is a work of fiction and is for entertainment only.
This work contains acts of homosexuality, so if you're offended by such material then leave now.
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"I'm really worried now. It has been a total of two weeks and Carlos hasn't gotten any better. It has been exhausting trying to sit by his side and remain strong. I haven't been able to spend any more time at the hospital because the pain was just too much to bare. Seeing him motionless in the bed just tears me apart. Deep down in my heart I'm just not sure if I can forgive James for what he did. Deep down in my heart, I know that he is a friend, and he's appologized every single day of the week, but I can't seem to forgive him. Have I become cold hearted? Kendall has tried talking to me and I just continue to push him away. Everyone has tried to bring me back from my slump, but it's like I refuse help from anyone. The doctor says that Carlos is improving, but I don't see it. I know these things take time, but he's literally been ripped from my arms, and I feel powerless without him here. Each night I lay my head down on my pillow I roll over to an empty spot feeling only coldness where his warm body was always at. I relive that day every night in my dreams. Carlos looking at me with those pain filled eyes. It all goes black and then I see his face after the accident. I fall to my knees screaming out his name, and he's loaded into the ambulance. I've cried myself to sleep ever since the accident, and my heart just hurts so much. I've barely eaten, and I haven't been anywhere else but the hospital. I wonder if Carlos will ever pull through, or if he'll just stay like that forever. I trust deep down in my heart, he can feel me there by his side. I've explained the story to him over and over again, I can only pray that he can hear my words. Why do bad things always have to happen to good people? Is it because I'm gay? Am I being punished for the life I live? Could it be because of the person I love? I really don't know, and I don't know where to look for the answer. I've prayed and prayed but it all just seems to be in vain. The though of losing him is a thought that horrifies me. Carlos has been in my life for so long, and I don't know what I would do without him. I miss his playfullness, his energy, and his cute smile. I would do anything at this moment to bring him out of the bed. If I had to sell my soul I'd do it to keep all this from happening. Griffin wants to pull the plug on Big Time Rush, and to be truthful I'm not surprised, but this time I think he is going to do it. I met this guy, his name is Eric. He's at the Palm Woods because he's suppossed to working on some kind of movie. He seems really nice, and I've been talking a lot to him lately, I guess it helps just to speak to someone who is willing to listen. Eric is Mexican and Italian. He has these beautiful green eyes, a gentle voice, long wavy black hair, and a small goatee. Eric has been like a blessing."
...
Kendall, James, and Logan were sitting down in a room waiting for Gustavo and Griffin to arrive. They were all nervous, Griffin never called a group meeting before, he always arrived when least expected, but never scheduled a meeting with everyone. James tried speaking to Logan, but Kendall shook his head. The boys waited for about twenty minutes when Griffin and Gustavo walked into the room.
"I'm sorry boys." Gustavo said wiping his face.
"What do you mean?" James asked.
"Big Time Rush is no more." Gustavo replied looking at the boys. "With Carlos in the hospital and now exact date on when he may be able to return to the stage, I am left with no choice. I'm sorry boys, it was a pleasure working with all of you."
Griffin walked out of the room. Gustavo reamined in the room. As the door closed, he started crying.
"Gustavo isn't there something we can do? We've saved BTR before." Kendall said standing up. "There has to be something."
"I'm afriad we don't have a choice here. Griffin holds the final say so. I'm sorry boys, I honestly wish there was something I could do."
"Gustavo, I thought you owned Big Time Rush?" James asked.
"That was only temporary. Griffin bought the group back. Griffin suggested adding a new member, but Big Time Rush woudln't be the same without Carlos."
"So then that's it? We just bow our heads in defeat and act like everything is okay?" Kendall asked.
"Hey kid, look this is a business, and sometimes things like this happen. There really isn't anything we can do. Unless we can find a way to convince Griffin, it looks like you boys will be heading back home." Gustavo scratched the back of his head.
"Well, I'm not going. I'm not leaving Carlos here alone." Logan said wiping his face.
"No one is going anywhere. This has happened before, I'm positive we can find a way to get everything back, just help me out, all of you." Kendall said looking at everyone.
"What do you have in mind?" Gustavo asked.
"We do a fundraiser. Look all the news has gone crazy over this, so we bring attention to everything first hand, we need to get the fans behind us, if Griffin can see that the fans want us to stick around, he'll have no choice but to keep BTR going." Kendall replied.
"Ok, but how are we going to do all of this?" Gustavo asked.
"Leave that one up to me. In the meantime, everyone stay close, I'll call you guys when it is a go." Kendall walked out of the room.
...........Two hours later
Logan was back in the hosptial sitting at Carlos' side. His parents arrived and Kendall was with them. They were speaking to him outside of the door, but Logan couldn't really hear what the conversation was. They walked into the room surprised to see Logan sitting down holding Carlos' hand by his cheek, but not crying.
"Oh Logan, it's nice to see you." Mrs. Garcia said as she hugged him. "So Kendall tells my husband and I that your boss cancelled you guys."
"Yeah, but I really don't care about that, I mean I don't know..." Logan sighed.
"Well that is why Kendall is here with us. We've agreed to bring this matter to the attention of the public. My husband and I truly believe that Carlos would want this. He would never want his friends to miss out on something this great." Mrs. Garcia said as she fixed her hair.
"I got off the phone with someone who is willing to really help us out here, all I'm asking is for your permission too." Kendall said as he walked over to Logan. "I know it's hard, and I know I'm not Carlos' boyfriend, but we are all very close to each other, but we have to be strong. I think this will really help us."
Logan took a deep breath."I really don't know what kind of help I can be right now, but okay. I'll try to do what ever you need me to do."
"Great. I'm going to call the person back and let her know everything is a go. I'll come right back into the room as soon as I get off the phone with her." Kendall smiled and grabbed his cell phone and walked out of the hospital room.
"Logan, can I ask you a question?" Mrs. Garcia asked as she took a seat next to him.
"Sure Mrs. Garcia." Logan answered.
"Kendall told me about everything, and why all of this happened. He told about the horrible situation, and I just wanted to know could you find it in your heart to forgive James?" Mrs. Garcia looked into Logan's eyes.
Logan's eyes started to gloss over. "Ive been trying to do it for so long, but I just can't seem to do it. My heart hurts so much, and I'm just so angry at him, I mean I just want to curse out his name, but something inside of me wants to forgive him, but I just can't."
Mrs. Garcia took a deep breath and sighed. "You're still so young with so much to expirience in life. You are a very smart and strong yong man, I've always noticed this. If you really love my son the way you say you do, you would find it in your heart to forgive James for his wrongdoing, I know my son better than anyone in this world, and he would have wanted you to forgive James. He always got so upset when you guys argued as kids, when the four of you would fight, it always hurt him. When you would argue with him, and times he said you even yelled at each other, you always came to an understanding. Carlos loved you so much he could never hold a grudge against you. I always knew he was different, especially when it came to you. His eyes would always shine when he talked about you, I remember back home one day he was so excited because your mom said you could spend the night over, and he was marching around the house, me and Logan are going to do this, and we're going to do that, it was so cute just to see him so excited. Even better I smile when I think of the times you always invited him to your birthday parties, my husband and I would always laught together because we knew you were always going to invite him, oh but he was always so delighted. Carlos has a strong friendship with James, and orginally I always thought Carlos and James would be together, but after thinking about it, the true answer was right in front of my eyes the entire time. He always loved you, that's why he hugged you more, and joked with you more, and always wanted to be next to you. No matter what, he just couldn't seem to venture very far from you. Look sweetie, you are a grown man, and you are entitled to your own decisions, but forgiving James will show you love Carlos. I understand that what James did was wrong, and I can't blame for being furious. It takes a strong man to admit he is wrong and ask to be forgiven, but it takes an even stronger man to forgive the one who wronged him. Talk to James, work out the bad blood. If you have to go out to an empty field and scream, yell, hit the ground and let it all out, then do it. If you have to cry like you've never cried before then do it, your mom is in town still, Kendall cares about you and he's here for you. Everyone is here for you. Even though my husband and I are here for our child, you are just as much a part of Carlos' life, as you are ours. I hope what I have had to tell you helps."
Logan started to cry. He tried to wipe his tears away but couldn't get to them fast enough. He nodded his head and stood up. He leaned forward and kissed Carlos on the forehead. Carlos started to cry again and for the first time Mr. and Mrs. Garcia saw this breathtaking moment. They were both in shock seeing their son cry from Logan's innocent kiss. They were both taken in by the moment. They knew deep inside that Carlos was fighting hard to come back to them.
..............Meanwhile back at the Palm Woods
James was sitting down in the apartment remembering everything that happened. He banged his head against the wall trying to figure out what had come over him that day. He loved all of his friends, he never wanted to hurt anyone. James knew he was conceeded, and that he would sometimes do things that he shouldn't, but he never wanted to hurt his friends. Now sat down in the hallway knowing that everything was entirely his fault. James started to cry as he began slightly hitting his head. James covered his face with his hands and screamed as loud as he could. The screaming had continued on for just a few moments when the doors had oppened. Mrs. Knight and Mrs. Diamond walked in and saw James sitting down in the hallway of the apartment. Mrs. Knight looked and walked away leaving James and his mother alone to talk.
"James, I think this all proves you need to come back with me." Mrs. Diamond said.
James looked at his mother. "Why? This can all be worked out, I know it can."
"I think it is obvious is will be a long time before Logan will forgive you for what you did." Mrs. Diamond sighed. "I think it would be best for you to come with me, you can accomplish so much more."
"I don't know." James answered back. "I really don't want to leave."
Mrs. Diamond looked back at her son in disbelief. "Excuse me?"
"I'm not going back." James took a deep breath. "I'm a man now. I need to live my life for me. I did everything for you as a kid, and now I want to do what I want. I created this mess, I'm going to clean it up."
"Fine. You're right, you are a man. I'm always a phone call away." Mrs. Diamond said as she hugged her son and walked out of the room.
James continued to take deep breaths trying to figure out everything in his head. He placed his hands on the back of his head and sighed. The apartment got very quiet and then Logan walked in.......
Dun dun dun! Don't you guys just hate cliffhangers? What will happen to Carlos? Will Logan finally forgive James? Who did Kendall call? Will Big Time Rush continue or fade away? Stay vigilent, as the next chapter will not be far away, I promise!