Bitter and Sweet
By Green Meccatoon Chapter two Dealing
A week passed and my parents tried to make me feel more appreciated and they did, but at the back of my mind I always remembered what they did. As for my former friends, I hadn't contacted and at the moment I'm not sure that I want to.
I walked into school that morning with an unmistakable smile coming from my face. And as I reached Chase a smile covered his own face. His beautiful face. I grab his hand and give it a squeeze. The day went by as usual and we headed to the pizza place after school. We ordered three large pizzas and some drinks. Everybody was there and we were having fun.
Sometimes when I sit still at the beach I can hear the world talk to me. The wind sings it song in my ear and the ground supports me. When I retreat into my mind nobody can take that. The people around me make me happy now. I sat there with Chase's arms around me I couldn't tell him how happy he made me with just words. Because that's all they were words. So I hugged him back and gave him a kiss.
The world can change completely while you sit back and ignore it. I pay attention to him my friends, my family, and my life. If I don't it could leave me.
I was looking around the room and my former friends were sitting together at the far corner of the restaurant. I felt guilty. They looked sad and I was having the best time of my life. How could I be so cruel? I suddenly felt sick and excused myself and told Chase that I would see him tomorrow. I headed outside.
My car was parked at the back of the restaurant. But as I turned the corner somebody called my name. I turned around and saw Rebecca.
"What do you want?" I asked a little bit too harshly.
"Nothing I just wanted to say Hi."
"If that's all then hi, bye and see ya later."
I couldn't help it my pride wasn't going to let me get hurt again.
"How have you been. We all miss you."
"Now that I have new friends and that I'm not there for all of you to ignore, You come and tell me that you miss me? Bullshit," I yelled back at her.
"Look Brian I'm not lying to you. We are all sorry for what we did. You can't possibly be mad at us forever." She said turning back to the restaurant.
I was sitting on the floor playing a game of candy land with Katie and Chase when he asked me, "Why don't you talk to them." I was taken aback at what he said. "I don't know. I was hurt by them, and they didn't even realize it till it was too late." "But you forgave your parents." "Yeah but I am afraid that they will do it again." "I think they are afraid of doing it again. You do get harsh on people when they do you wrong." "I won." Katie yelled and I pretended to get mad plus it was the perfect chance to change the subject. "You cheated." I said. "Nah-uh," said Katie though it was painfully obvious that she did. "Yaw-huh," said Chase trying to beat her at her own game, and giving me a look letting me know that I had used it to change the subject. They kept that going for awhile. I headed towards the kitchen to get us some drinks when the phone rang. I Picked up the phone and asked who it was. They were quiet for a minute but then a voice came through the receiver. "Brian?" "Yes this is me. Can I ask who is speaking?" "Brian I need to talk to you." "Who is this?" "It's Mike. I need to talk to you." "I don't think this is a good Idea Mike." I said unsure if I should talk to him. 'Brian don't blow me off. I need to talk to you." "Ok come to my house I can't leave at the moment." "What was that about," asked Chase as he came into the room. "Mike one of my old friends want to talk to me. He is coming over to talk to me." "Do you want me to leave?" "No it doesn't matter I don't think he will be long." We had enough time to play another game of Candy Land before he came by. He rang the doorbell, which I found weird until I realized why. We weren't friends any more. At that moment I realized that I missed them but I want going to get hurt again. Chase opened the door and Mike came in. Chase grabbed Katie and headed for the Kitchen. He gave me a reassuring look before he was gone. "Mike what do you need to talk to me about?" 'Brian why are you doing this to us? We miss you and you go and become friends with new people just to hurt us." I really didn't like what he was getting at. I missed them too but they hurt me more than my parents did. They were supposed to be there when I needed somebody to talk too. They couldn't even remember my birthday. My new friends actually listened to me when I needed them. I know I was hurting them, now they know how it feels. "What look if that's why you came here to blame this on me you can leave." "All we did was forget your birthday. When we realized it we all got together to throw you a party, but you didn't want to talk to us. We feel like shit for what we did." I know he was being sincere but this was my only out. I didn't feel like they were my friends anymore. "You guys were so caught up with your lives that you didn't even notice that I didn't talk to you the whole day, that I didn't sit at the table, that I walked by you while you were all laughing. I'm sorry Mike but I cant be your friend anymore." Mike started to cry, and my heart gave a little again. "Look Mike it's not the end of the world." "You don't understand." "I don't understand what?" He leaned in and tried to kiss me but I pushed him off. "I Like you Brian. And I want to be with you." 'Mike I'm with someone I love and that's not going to change. I think it's time for you to leave." "Brian I need you." He said as he walked to the door. That night I told chase everything. ~~~*~~~ A week went by and I didn't see mike at school. It was actually starting to worry me. At lunch I saw my old friends sitting together they looked happier I thought, but Mike wasn't with them. He came in a few minutes later and flashed me a smile they all seemed happy again. I sat back with My friends they were planning a trip to the beach this afternoon. "So are you guys coming." Asked Lindsay. "Sure." We said. The beach was fun and we decided to go to the movies that night. Halfway through the movie in a dark corner we were making out. I was getting horny and I wanted it from Chase. We said our good-byes and left for his house. We started to kiss again. I pulled off his shirt and grabbed his nipples. He started to moan, and I could feel his hard erection against my stomach. He grabbed me and took off my clothes gently. My erection popped out of my boxers and so did his when he took off his pants. I reached for it and put it in my mouth. His Dick got harder as I sucked it. He moaned louder and louder until he came into my mouth. He grabbed my dick and started to suck on it. Every stroke with his tongue got me closer to climaxing. His hot mouth felt good on my dick. I tensed up and came. He licked me clean and then kissed me. The salty taste turned me on. We repeated ourselves several times that night. ~~~*~~~ Morning came and I woke up in his arms again. His strong arms around me made me feel safe and there was no place I would rather be, but reality hit me. I had to go take care of Katie today. "Honey I have to go baby-sit." "Oh cant you stay?" he asked half asleep with the cutest voice in the world. "No Chase but you are welcomed to come with me." I grabbed my clothes and put them on. I gave him a kiss on the forehead because he was asleep and I jetted home. "Hi honey." my mother yelled from the kitchen. I headed for the shower with a smile on my face. When I got out of the shower Chase surprised me. He was waiting for me in my room. "When did you get here?" "I drove while you walked." I gave him a smile and a kiss. How could somebody so perfect be mine? ~~~*~~~ Sometimes when I am alone I wonder if this is all a dream. I lay on the grass in my backyard staring at the sky. The blue sky was impeccable. The sun felt good against my skin and the grass felt soft like a bed. I felt alive and happy at that single moment. The only thing on my mind was Chase. "Do you remember when we used to do this for hours on end," Said Cory from the fence. "What are you all going to come at me one by one." I said aggravated that I was interrupted. "Look Brian I just came over to apologize and to say that I miss you a lot. You and me were really close and I miss that." Again one of my former friends made my heart get weaker. "Cory I forgive you ok, but we cant be friends again," I said regaining my position on the grass trying to regain my thoughts. "If that's how you want it." Cory left and I fell asleep on the grass. I was running from something. I knew it was a dream but it felt so real. I was on my street but my house got further and further as I ran to it. A car past by me and all my new friends were riding in it. They didn't stop and Lindsay yelled at me, "Don't do it to Chase." The car disappeared and I ran faster. When another car appeared next to me. All My former friends were sitting in that car. Mike was driving. He stopped the car and asked me if I needed a ride. I walked over but as I got nearer they turned into green monsters. I woke up with a cold sweat. I knew that's dream meant something but what I couldn't figure out. ~~~*~~~ A month had passed by since we first started dating. And I decided to throw a party for us. My parents went on a trip and took Katie. We were two hours into the partying. I was sitting on a couch with Chase when He excused himself and went outside. I didn't pay it much attention. I was having fun. There were a lot of people that I liked and I met some new people. The drinks were being passed out. I was dancing with Lindsay when I realized that it was at least an hour since I've seen him last. I walked outside and noticed that he was talking to somebody. "Look I'm with Brian now ok." Chase said to the guy he was talking to. "I don't care what retard your with. I want you and I want you know." "Look I'll walk you to your car and then you can leave." They walked around the fence and I followed. I dint want to pry But I had to see what this was all about. When I walked around the fence I saw them kissing. My stomach turned. Tears started to come from my eyes. I was frozen. "Who's that. Your lover boy," said the guy. Chase turned around slowly. Tears were coming from his eyes too. I started to run to my car. I got in and drove with out direction. I ended up at the beach. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to feel. I felt numb. The tears stopped coming from my eyes. I walked all along the boardwalk when I got to the pizza place. Mike and Cory were sitting together at the back of the restaurant. "Room for one more I asked." They nodded and I sat. "So does this mean that you are going to hour friend again," asked Cory. ~~~*~~~ Chase sat alone in Brian's living room. He had ruined everything. His first love would never forgive him. "If only that jerk wouldn't have kissed me I'd still be here with Brian," he thought to him self. He fell asleep waiting for Brian to come home. And when he woke up Brian wasn't there so he headed home. ~~~*~~~ I had a good time with Cory and Brian. I felt bad for ignoring them and they promised to never forget my birthday. The girls came by too. They apologized too We shared pizza and laughs. Then we headed towards the beach. We laughed and played like old times Just the eight of us, but deep in the back of my mind I knew that I had to deal with Chase sooner or later. My decision was final. My mind was clear. I had no remorse and it was what had to be done. I had to get away. I took the car keys and hugged my mother on the way out. I leaned down to Katie and promised her that I would see her soon. "You promise, Brian." "I promise, and I'll bring you something back from Uncle Charlie's house," I said as I headed to my car. I decided that I needed a vacation from the tension I was living in. I was going to stay at my uncle's house for the week. I was excited I hadn't seen my cousins in a while. I missed them they were fun, and fun was all I needed. I drove for five hours until I pulled into their town. I drove a few blocks until I pulled up to their house. I was halfway out of my car when my cousin Kelly attacked me with a hug. 'Oh my god, oh my god. I cant believe you're here I missed you so much." Kelly said letting me go from her embrace. "Oh my god is right, look at you look hot." "Yeah you know I've been working out. But look at you. You got handsome. How long has it been since we've seen each other?" "About two years. Where is Uncle Charlie and Chris?" "They went out to get take out." Chris and Kelly are twins and they live with their father. Their mother died a couple of years back from breast cancer. "So Brian are you going to give me a ride in your new car?" she asked. "Sure where to?" We drove around her town and I met a couple of her friends. One in particular caught my attention. His name was Frankie. He had long shoulder length black hair that curled at the ends. He was the opposite of Chase. Yet he intrigued me. We were sitting at the park. I was having a good time with Kelly's friends. They were completely different from what I was used to, but they were as fun as she was. "So where are you from?" he asked. "I live up by the coast." "Cool I go up there once in a while. I love the beach," Frankie said. "Yeah you should definitely visit." "Hey Brian we need to get home," Kelly yelled at me. "Look I have to go but if you want we can talk more to morrow." "Sure just come by the park. We're always here." ~~~*~~~ Chase sat next to Lindsay at the beach. He was crying. "Why did I let him kiss me." "Honey you cant live like this." "I lost him. I lost him." "He will come back." "He won't forgive me." "You know what? Why don't we go find out?" Lindsay drove Chase over to Brian's house. She rang the doorbell and Brian's mother came out. "Well hi Chase. Hi Lindsay, can I help you?" "Um can we speak to Brian?" asked Lindsay. "Oh he didn't tell you?" "Tell us what?" asked chase slightly afraid at what the answer was going to be. "He went to stay at his uncle Charlie's for the week." Chase started to run away. He couldn't bear not being close to him. He couldn't bear not being in the same neighborhood. ~~~*~~~ Frankie and I had a lot more chances at hanging with each other. He had a hilarious personality. He made me laugh constantly. Yet I had that nagging feeling that I couldn't get rid off. Its name was Chase. "Brian you have phone call." Said my cousin Chris from his living room as I entered. "What. Who? Is it mom and dad?" "No he said his name is Chase," Chris said as he tossed me cell phone. I froze in mid step. I didn't know what to do so I shut my cell off. "Who Is Chase?" "Just somebody." "Just somebody huh?" said Chris with a raised eyebrow. "What?" I asked getting a little paranoid. "Nothing, just that who ever that somebody is meant something to you because you froze when I mentioned his name." I had to admit my cousin is very perceptive. "Ok you got me. Damn am I that obvious." "No actually I had a nice conversation with him before I called you." "You asshole. I'm going to fucking get you for that," I said running after him. We chased each other for awhile and then ended up collapsing on each other on his couch. Frankie came in with a smile on his face. "I scored," he said bringing out a baggie full of what looked like marijuana. "Yes," said my cousin a little too excited for my approval. I started to walk away not really wanting to be a party to this. "Hey Brian where do you think you're going?" Frankie grabbed me by the shirt and sat me back down. I watched in silence as he rolled a joint with some paper that he pulled out of his packet. He lit it and took a couple of drags. The smell of it was getting me dizzy. After Chris finished he passed it to me. "No I don't want any," I said trying to get away but Frankie held me there. "Try it," said Chris. I put the Joint to my mouth and inhaled the smoke. I think it went down the wrong hole or something because I started to cough uncontrollably. After my cough settled Frankie lit it again and handed it back to me. This time the smoke took its effect. I felt free. My mind was in overload and I liked the feeling. It's as if I was floating on water. "Do you like it?" asked Frankie. I nodded. "Let's go outside," he said grabbing my hand and leading me outside. As soon as we were outside he started to kiss me. I hesitated at first but I liked it, so I returned it to him. He tasted good. He smiled at me then said goodbye. I sat on the grass looking up at the sky, and let my high put me to sleep. ~~~*~~~ I felt guilty. I couldn't believe that I kissed him. "What about Chase?" I thought. Was I really willing to give him up? "So tell me about him. Is he cute? How did you meet? And why aren't you talking to him?" Kelly asked me when we were on our way to breakfast the next morning. "I don't know. He was the perfect guy you know. He was perfect for me. We became friends when I had that falling out over my birthday with my friends and my parents. He made me smile. He listened to me. He made me want to be with him. He brought me into his world. It was going great until." "Until what?" asked Kelly. "Until I caught him making out with some guy." After that we drove in silence to a fast food place. Frankie was sitting there with Chris and a couple of their friends. Frankie shifted his eyes when he saw me and made up some excuse to leave. "What's up with him," I asked. "He found out about Chase," Kelly whispered in my ear. When she said that I felt the guilt rise, and I felt sick. I ran towards the bathroom and I found Frankie on the floor crying. I didn't have time to talk. I had other pressing matters. I ran to a stall. When I was finished I found him standing behind me with a concerned look on his face. "Are you alright?" "Yeah I feel better now." "Ok," he said turning away. "Frankie I need to talk to you." "No Brian it's alright." "No listen. I have a boyfriend back home that I had a falling out with before I came to visit my cousins. I really like you." "But?" He said with a sad look on his face. "I am eventually going to go back and face him. I'm sorry I kissed you last night. It was a mistake." "Brian I like you but if there is someone else I don't want to stand in their way, and by the way I don't think it was a mistake," he said rubbing his lips. We left that bathroom smiling. We hanged out the rest of the week. I had fun and come to think of it getting away was something I needed. All and all what it came down to, was that I needed to see Chase. ~~~*~~~ I was ten minutes away from home and I was anxious to see him. A week away could take its toll. The DJ on the radio started talking. "Here is a new one from Lifehouse Spin." Why would I chase your shadow all my life and be afraid of my own? I'd rather be with you I'd rather not know Where I'll be than Be alone and convinced that I know When the world keeps spinning round My world's upside down You and I wouldn't change a thing I've got nothing else to lose I lost it all when I found you And I wouldn't change a thing No, you and I wouldn't change a thing Everything I know has let me down So I will just let go Let you turn me inside out Cause I know I'm not sure about anything But you wouldn't have it any other way As the song played tears came from my eyes. It was one of those songs that just make you pause and listen while it connects to your soul. Flashes of Chase's smile were all I could think about. I turned the radio up and sang along with the song. It was going to take me back to him. This song was going to give him back to me. When the world keeps spinning round My world's upside down You and I wouldn't change a thing I've got nothing else to lose I lost it all when I found you And I wouldn't change a thing No, you and I wouldn't change a thing Spinning turning watching burning All my life has found its meaning Walking crawling climbing falling All my life has found its meaning You and I wouldn't change a thing No, you and I wouldn't change a thing When the world keeps spinning round My world's upside down You and I wouldn't change a thing I've got nothing else to lose I lost it all when I found you And I wouldn't change a thing No, you and I wouldn't change a thing No, you and I wouldn't change a thing ~~~*~~~ I pulled my car up to his garage and I ran to his house. I rang the doorbell, but nobody answered. I rang it once more but again there was no answer. "He must be at the beach," I thought so I drove over there. I didn't find him at the boardwalk or the pizza place. I gave up and decided to go home. My house was quiet from the outside. I walked in and nobody was home. This was getting Kind of weird. I walked to my room to put my stuff away. Chase was there asleep on my bed. He had a rose on one hand and a present on the other. He looked like an angel. I kissed him on the forehead and sat down next to him. He woke up and pulled me into a hug. He whispered into my ear, "no you and I wouldn't change a thing." Sometimes when he smiles at me I can't help but melt. When he hugs me I feel safe. When he kisses me I fall in love with him all over again.