This is a collaboration story between me and my friend. There's no sex, yet. Sorry if that's your bag. Let us know if you like our story! Email us at blinkmeetsnsync@hotmail.com Feedback is MORE than welcome. :) Rachel and Sarah
Discalimer: This story is not meant to imply that any members of Blink 182 or N sync are gay. If you aren't old enough to read this, don't.
Lance smiled as he watched JC carefully fold up his Pride shirt and toss it into his duffel bag. Lance only wished he were as comfortable with his sexuality as JC and Justin were. The rest of the guys knew the two were bisexual, and involved with one another, but no one knew Lance was gay. It wasn't that Lance was afraid of being ridiculed; he knew the guys would accept him for who he was. The problem was that he couldn't accept himself for who he was. He never considered himself the type of person to keep a journal, but now couldn't believe how valuable it had been in the last few months. Night after night Lance laid awake in the tour bus trying to make sense of the feelings he was experiencing for other guys. One guy in particular.
July 10th, 1999
I can't believe I watched their TRL appearance 12 times today. I feel so stupid. I had to watch it on really low volume though, so the guys wouldn't want to know what was going on. I can't believe I watched it almost ALL day. I just love the way Tom gets so into the music. The way he jumps around with his guitar. The way he makes eye contact with the camera. I keep pretending that he's looking right at me, right into my soul. I know it sounds silly, but I don't want anything more than I want to be with Tom. Even though I know it's wrong to have these feelings, even though I know I should be dating girls, I can't help but think about him all the time. I wonder if this is how Justin's fans feel when they see him. Is that all I am? An overly devoted fan?
"So guys, what do you think of what Blink-182 said about you on Total Request Live the other afternoon? Pretty complimentary, huh?" Chris laughed as Jay waited expectantly for an answer. Joey took a sip from his Tonight Show mug, knowing full well it was Justin's "duty" to answer.
"Yeah, it really was. It's always nice to know that our style of music is appreciated by artists from genres other than pop."
"Especially since we love Blink so much. Lance listens to them ALL the time!" Chris yelled, stealing the limelight from Justin.
Lance blushed at this comment, looking down and pulling a hand up to shield one eye almost as if to hide from the prying eyes of the audience. He had always been so worried that his "dark side" would be discovered by everyone.
Even the most innocent comments held the threat of forcing him out of the closet for all to see. It was this paranoia that caused him to respond to Chris's comment like a giddy schoolgirl.
July 14th, 1999
I can't help but read things in to what the guys have been saying, especially Chris this morning at the Leno taping. Does he know? Did he find the picture I ripped out of Bop? God, I hope not. But Chris would never have done that maliciously. If he had suspicions, he would have come to me, wouldn't he have? I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to do about this. I am tired of hiding from myself and from the guys, but I don't know what to do. Maybe it will seem better in the morning. I always think that, but it never is. Who am I fooling? I just can't accept the fact that I'm gay. I'm not gay, I'm really not. These feelings--they're just a phase. That's all it is. I can't handle being gay. What would my parents say? They would freak out worse than they did when they thought Stacy was a lesbian because she hung out with Meredith 24/7. I remember hearing her cry at night after mom and dad would yell at her. How unfair for them to make up these accusations and treat her that way, just because she had a close friend. I would never want to put myself through that, even if it means hiding who I am. Things still aren't the same with them, even though they found out she wasn't gay. Imagine what would have happened if it had been true. They would have made her life hell. I can't be gay, I don't want to put myself through that! I just can't!
"Hey, where's Lance?" Joey asked, a dumb look on his face, as was the norm. Joey always seemed to be loosing track of people, even on the small tour bus.
"I saw him a few minutes ago on my way back from the bathroom. He was in his bunk writing something." JC answered offhandedly.
"What was it? Gay porn for that 'Nifty' thing?" Chris snickered.
"Shut up Chris, there's some pretty good stories about me and JC on there!"
Justin shot back, "You're just jealous that you never get any play on that site, except for Howie D!"
"Howie Doin'?" JC smiled as he took Justin's hand, pulling him onto his lap.
"But seriously, guys, what's up with Lance? Is he gay or what?" Chris asked blatantly.
"I've had suspicions since the beginning," Justin began, "But if he is, why doesn't he say something? I mean, you guys were cool with me and JC." JC reached up and playfully ruffled his love's curly hair.
"Well, maybe he's not!" Joey concluded proudly, chewing on a beef jerky stick, "Damn these are good!" He continued.
Chris reached over and snatched the jerky from Joey's hand mid bite. "Gimme that, you dumbass. This is serious, man."
Joey whimpered with a hurt look on his face, he was HUNGRY.
"This is good Joe!" Chris remarked, taking a second bite of Joey's dinner.
Joey's sadness turned to rage as he lunged at Chris to steal back his supper.
"ENOUGH!" JC yelled hoarsely, so as not to disturb Lance.
Joey froze at the sound of JC's seriuos tone, dropping Chris onto the couch
"Look, just let him be. If he's gay, he's gay. If he's not, he's not. He'll tell us when he's ready. It's hard to do, I've been in that position too. We just need to be there for him. It's tough, guys."
Thanks for reading our story! We hope you like it. Let us know your thoughts at blinkmeetsnysnc@hotmail.com More will be coming later.......within a week, we hope :)