I hope you are all enjoying the story. Let me know what you think about it, good or bad, at blinkmeetsnsync@hotmail.com All comments are welcome.
Disclaimer: Don't read this if you are offended by male/male relationships.
Don't read this if you aren't old enough. Don't think that this story means that Tom, JC, Lance, and Justin are gay. I don't know if they are or not, but this story is not meant to imply that they are.
With that said, enjoy Chapter 3.
"Whoa," Tom muttered as he realized the intimacy of their position. He and Lance jerked their heads back, away from each other in shock.
"I guess I've had more to drink than I thought." Lance murmured, while Tom echoed his thoughts.
Just as an awkward silence was about to settle on the two, Justin and JC, hand in hand, stepped onto the porch.
"Hey, we were looking for you," Justin said putting his arm around JC's waist, "We're getting ready to go. Josh is tired, and we have to leave early tomorrow morning."
JC pulled Justin in for a quick hug and kiss on his nose, causing Justin to giggle, and Lance to think wistfully about the evening he had spent with Tom.
July 16, 1999
I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't pulled away like that. I wonder if Tom has feelings for me too? But that would mean I have feelings for him, and I don't know if I'm ready to face that. I mean, sure, I like Tom, I have feelings for Tom. But acting on those feelings, kissing him-that's a whole different story. Right now I can handle being gay in theory, but not gay in practice. I've come to terms with the fact that I have these emotions towards another guy, but I don't feel like I can actually do anything about them. I wonder if JC and Justin felt this way too. If they felt like it was ok to think certain things, but wrong to do them. Like, I can get really mad and think, gosh I just want to KILL that person, but I know I would never kill them, because it's a sin and immoral. That's how I feel right now. I really like Tom, a lot, but I still can't shake the feeling that acting on my feelings is wrong. I can have these thoughts; I just can't BE gay. Maybe I'll talk to JC about it tomorrow on the bus. He's always given me good advice before.
Lance closed his journal, marking his page with the slip of paper Tom had written his cell phone number on, and tucked it into his backpack, glad he had the hotel room to himself for once. Turning off the light, Lance rolled over and tried to fall asleep. All he could think about was what almost happened just a few hours before.
"Those guys are pretty cool," Travis said as the elevator took them to their floor, "I think Chris and Joey are a blast. They cracked me up tonight."
"Yeah," Mark responded, "Did you and Chris exchange notes on how to care for your dreds?"
"No, but he gave me the number of his stylist, so the next time we're in Orlando I can get them redone." Travis shot back, giving Mark a little shove.
The door opened and Tom, oblivious to the shoving match going on around him, somberly started towards his room. Noticing his unusually melancholy attitude, the pair stopped fighting and followed him into the hotel room where he had collapsed spread-eagle on his bed.
"What's wrong, man?" Travis asked, hitting one of Tom's Adidas sneakers to get his attention.
Mark sat down on the bed next to Tom and mockingly ruffled his hair, "Come on, you can tell us all about it."
Tom shrugged and rolled over burying his face in his pillow, not wanting to have to rehash the evening's events. But, maybe they could help me out. What do I have to lose? Clutching the scrap of paper with Lance's cell phone number on it, he scooted to sit up on the bed, leaning on the headboard.
"Ok, ok, you guys win." Tom relented, smiling a little as his friends clamored around him, eager to hear his story.
Taking a deep breath, he continued, "So, I kind of have a thing for Lance. After meeting him today, and spending time with him, I really like him."
"That's great!" Mark exclaimed, "I think the two of you would be great together."
"But is he into you too? I mean, is he gay?" Travis asked, dampening Mark's enthusiasm.
"I don't know, that's the thing. I mean, ever since this morning when we ran into them, I kind of got the feeling that he was, gay I mean. I don't know how he feels about me, in particular though. And even if he did feel the same, it's not like we're ever going to be in the same place at the same time." A defeated look spread across Tom's face as he slumped back against the headboard.
"So let me get this straight. You think Lance is attractive," Mark began when Tom cut him off.
"It's more than just 'Oh, I think he's good looking', I really like Lance. He is thoughtful and funny, and makes me laugh. I think he's attractive as a person, not just physically attractive!" Tom protested.
"Easy, killer." Mark replied, holding his hands in the air defensively, "You didn't let me finish. I was going to say that you think he's attractive, you like his personality, and you think he might be gay too. This is the first time you have found a guy like this, why let a few logistical problems get in the way?"
"Yeah, look at me and Ash. We hardly ever see one another, but we make things work." Travis commented.
"But you and Ashley were involved before this." Tom gestured to the hotel room; "You had an established relationship. I don't even know if my feelings are reciprocated!"
"Then that's the first step," Mark stated authoritatively, "You need to find out how Lance feels about you. That way you'll be able to decide your course of action. If he does, then you can go for it, and work out the logistics of starting a relationship. If not, then you can start to get over him."
"I guess you're right," Tom said, fingering the slip of paper with Lance's number on it, "I'm just scared."
"Josh? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Lance called softly through the door to the hotel room JC and Justin shared.
JC was just falling asleep when he heard Lance's voice. He glanced at the bedside clock and realized they had to be on the road in less than 6 hours, it must be serious if Lance was up so late. Carefully removing Justin from his arms so as not to wake him, JC made his way towards the door.
"What's the matter?" JC asked, immediately concerned at the sight of Lance in his boxers and t-shirt, tears streaking his cheeks.
"Everything," Lance answered sighing. JC grabbed Lance in a hug, and the two made their way back to Lance's room where they could talk undisturbed.
The two sat quietly on Lance's bed for what seemed like an eternity, while Lance gathered the courage to tell JC what he had been feeling.
"Whatever it is, Lance, I want you to know that I am here for you. To listen to whatever it is you want to talk about." JC shattered the silence and put his hand on Lance's.
"Okay," Lance took a deep breath before continuing. "Lately, I have been having a lot of confusing thoughts. And then last night with you and the guys when you thought I was asleep, and tonight with Tom, and now I can't sleep because I am so confused." Lance's words tumbled out in a jumbled rush.
"Wanna start that over again?" JC asked gently, a smile forming on his lips.
Lance sighed, and started to chuckle, "I guess that didn't make much sense, did it? Let me try again."
"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere." JC responded, sensing Lance was about to confide in him about his sexuality.
"Oh Josh, Justin is so lucky to have you. You're so lucky to have Justin. I look at the two of you everyday, and think, that's what I want. I want someone to love me as much as they love each other. I want to be able to sing 'This I Promise You' or 'God Must Have Spent' and have it mean something to me. To sing it about someone I have in my life, not just to a bunch of screaming fans that lust after you and Justin. I want to be able to love someone and have him love me back. And I know that that won't ever happen, because I'm afraid to let it." Lance rambled, rubbing his forehead, "What I'm trying to say, it's something I know you guys have thought about. It's, well, I'm gay, but afraid to do anything about it."
JC pulled Lance into their second hug of the evening. Patting Lance on the back, JC asked, "What do you mean, afraid to do anything about it?"
Lance pulled away to look JC in the eyes, noticing the wet tearstain he had made on JC's shirt, his brow furrowed in thought. "I mean, I have these feelings, but I'm afraid to do anything with them. Like I feel angry enough to kill a person, but I don't because I know it's wrong. I feel strongly about Tom, but I don't know if it's ok for me to act on those feelings." Lance tried to articulate himself. "Not that what you and Justin do is wrong, or anything," He added quickly, "it's just, I don't know how my parents will react, how Tom even feels about it, how I feel about things. Well, YOU know how I feel, you went through this."
JC looked thoughtful for a moment before responding. "Lance, you are one of my best friends. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. If that means you date other guys, and have relationships with other guys or even just have feelings for other guys, then that's fine by me. I care about you a lot , and it's really torn me up these last few months to see you struggling with this. I think Tom is a great person, and I hope he feels the same about you as you do about him. You would make each other very happy, I'm sure. As for your parents, you can't expect them to accept this if you can't accept it. You need to be comfortable with being gay before you can expect your parents to understand."
"Thanks Josh," Lance embraced JC once more. "So, how long have the rest of the guys been suspecting I'm gay? I heard all of you the other night when you thought I was asleep."
"For a while. Since you started going out with Danielle, I think. Believe me when I say they're ok with it. They're just waiting for you to trust them enough to confide in them." JC rubbed Lance's back, "You ready to go back to bed?"
"Yea, I am, thanks." Lance replied.
"It was nothing, I'm glad I could be here for you. I'm glad you felt like you could talk to me about things." JC stood up and started towards the door, "Anytime you need to talk, remember I'll always be more than happy to listen. Now get some sleep. We have to be out of here in less than 5 hours." The last statement caused Lance to match JC's grin as he slipped under the covers once more and started to fall asleep.
JC opened the door to his room and tiptoed towards the bed where Justin lay sleeping. He always looks so peaceful and angelic when he sleeps, JC thought absently. He really was lucky to have Justin in his life. JC climbed under the covers and wrapped his arms around Justin's bare chest, lacing his fingers together. He pulled Justin backwards, closer to him so his stomach met Justin's smooth back. He leaned and kissed the back of Justin's neck before falling into a deep sleep.
I hope you guys like the story. Let me know what you think about it at blinkmeetsnsync@hotmail.com