Chapter Eight A Wish
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It was only days until Christmas break. My first semester has gone by quickly, thanks to Henry helping me dig myself out of hell. Henry, smiling all the time making me feel again how great. Some of this is a lie, a way to trick myself into believing that I can be happy or that I'm not a bad person. It's going to take more than just one person to do that. As long as I don't like myself no number of folks who think I'm great is going to matter.
Christmas break is still a mystery. Henry will be home with family. It will be him, his parents along with his brother who is back from being stationed in Germany. He's bringing his fiancé that no one has met. Can you imagine meeting the parents for the first time? Henry and his brother Charles look like twins even though there is a four year age difference.
"I'm telling my parents about me on December 29th. That's what I've decided. Chaz will be gone, and all that hoopla will be over, and I can have a conversation with Joan and James." This is the third time today I've listened to Henry's plan. I think it sucks, but if that what, he wants so be it. "What do you think?"
"I would take it one step at a time. Don't expect instant acceptance," I warn when what I want to say is DON'T cause they are going to hate you and you will never feel the same again.
"Thanks for your support. I think they will be stunned at first and then move past it."
"Ok, man you know your parents, but why does it have to be done this Christmas? Why not wait? Get a year of college under your belt."
"No, it's time. Do you know what you and Peter are doing?"
"No clue we really haven't talked about Christmas. Hey did I show you what I made him for Peter?"
"I don't know you showed me all the pictures of his house you had cut up."
"Yeah, that's it. I made a collage of all these pics I took in and around his house. I think he'll like it. He doesn't have much of anything on the walls in his place."
"Good, when are we doing the gift thing?"
"When do you want? Are you going home that Friday or Saturday?"
"I'm going to say Saturday so let's plan a private party for Friday night."
"Sounds good, I'll get some wine, and we can talk snacks later," I say.
"Ok." And with that Henry exits my room to go to class while I go to study group for stats.
Finals end and I think I did well. Henry is excited about his grades. He wants to keep his scholarship. This semester has had its ups and downs. For the most part, I've found out lots about myself, and I hope the spring semester just gets better. I've registered for classes and can say I'm looking forward to what's coming.
I didn't know what to get Henry. I ended up with a new backpack because his is stained where he left it out in the sun and his chapstick melted, also only one zipper works on it. I've no idea what he is getting me. It will be fun yet practical because that's Henry. Mary got us a bottle of wine, and I walked to the market and picked up snacks.
"Hey, when are we hooking up?" Henry asks when I run into him and Tom leaving the cafeteria.
"It's up to you. I'm done until next semester. Hey Tom."
"How's it going man?" Tom and I bump fist.
"Not bad how about you?"
"Getting ready for this last exam."
"Yeah, English is it for the two of us. I'll catch you later, bye." Henry says as he and Tom head towards the Language and Lit building.
"Good luck guys," Both of them will do fine on the exam. It was easy and mainly short answer. I head into the cafeteria to snag something to eat before I go to the FAB and clean up my area.
Henry comes over around 6. He is chill, and I know he's glad to be finished with this semester. I've put the mattresses on the floor and got some music going. Most of the dorm is empty because of everyone escaping for the holiday. He opens the wine and fixes us both a glass. We snack and chat and forget about gifts and doing anything other than being together. It's late when we decide to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed. When I return, a present is on a freshly made bed. I get Henry's out of the closet a lay it beside the other.
"Do you want to open them at the same time or each of us take a turn?" Henry asks as he returns.
"Let's do it at the same time." We sit and pass our gifts to one another. "I hope this meets your needs," I say.
"Same here, and this was not easy." There are two packages taped together. The first is a mixtape that Henry has made and decorated the track list. He's done well. The larger gift is a black messenger bag. I laugh along with Henry as he's opening his and discovering his new backpack.
"Oh fuck we do think alike," He says. "This is great. I can't believe you noticed how mine was falling apart."
"I'm good like that. I love this; I've been wanting a messenger bag. It's the right color and everything."
"I was worried that you would be expecting something romantic and I couldn't come up with anything that didn't sound cheesy."
"You did good," I say as I lean over for a kiss.
Morning comes, and we part ways. Uncle Peter will be here soon hopefully before Henry's dad. I don't want to meet him. It's going to be a long time until I get to see Henry again. I hope he knows what he's doing coming out to his parents. Uncle Peter arrives, and Henry and I hug goodbye.
Uncle Peter and I have a good Christmas. He got me some gift certificates and a Discman and new headphones. He doesn't realize I have no CDs. I'm a tape/boombox kinda guy. I ask him if I need to come out to him. His reply is didn't we already have this conversation, and of course, we had. I don't remember saying the words not like Henry is planning. Another Christmas without knowing about my family of not receiving a note or card. I guess I could have sent them a card. Uncle Peter, when asked, says he hasn't heard anything but that if I wanted to, I should reach out to them. I don't think I'm ready for that.
Talking to Henry about his parents and how they responded to his coming out is heart-wrenching. To just ignore him, to say he's wrong it's just a phase as if he didn't know who he is is cruel. "Maybe they have to get used to the idea," I say.
"No I don't think so, they were pretty clear that it was going to go away. When my dad talked, he made it sound as if I was going to disappear," Henry long past crying.
"I think you're hurt cause you didn't get the reception you wanted, but it is going to be good. They'll come around," or not I keep lying to him trying to make him feel better.
"Now I'm going to be in this house with them until January 11th and I know I'm going to lose it."
"Why don't you see if you can go skiing with Uncle Peter and me? We're probably going someplace in Virginia; we'll be close."
"I don't know, let me see how things go here for a little while. I've got to go. I'll talk to you soon."
"Bye, I'll be thinking about you."
"Me too, goodbye." We hang up.
Uncle Peter wants me to meet a friend of his which I think is code for lover. I know her she was my GRE tutor. He wants to make sure I'm alright with it as if I have something to say about who he has sex. I'm glad he has someone. When I lived here, it seemed he was a monk. Sarah is a good fit for him. They look cute together; it makes me nervous to see her now. What has he told her about me? She didn't know anything specific about me when we engaged her services.
"Instead of us going skiing why don't we get Henry down here for a week or two?" Uncle Peter asks one day. "I can plan a trip for Sarah, and I and you two can have the house all to yourself. I'll even leave the car, how does that sound?"
"Great, but you know even if he can't come down you can still take Sarah away and enjoy yourselves," I say.
"I don't want to leave you alone. Give Henry a call tonight and see if it's a go."
Plans are laid out. Henry is going to catch a ride with his brother who is heading to Savannah. Charles is going to spend a night here before he drives the rest of the way. So, I guess I'll be meeting family. Uncle Peter and Sarah are heading out the same day Charles, and Henry gets here.
I clean house and plan meals while Uncle Peter looks on laughing at my nervousness. "This is Henry; you know him why are you getting so anxious?"
"I don't know. He's stressed out about his parents, and I want everything to go well while he's here. You know it's going to look like he's bringing a lot of stuff because he's not going home before we head back to school?" I explain for the third time.
"Yes, you've told me, and I don't care how much stuff he brings. We've got a lot of room. Are there any grocery items you can think of that we haven't gotten yet?"
"I can't find anything. You know Henry has his driving license right?"
"Yes, you told me that's why I'm leaving my car. Have you thought about getting your license?"
"Yes, and I think I'm going to do it this semester while I'm at school."
"Why don't you have Henry practice with you and you get it before you go back?"
"That would be great; I'm sure he will."
"The testing center is in the phone book. It somewhere right off the square in town."
"Really, you don't mind?"
"Why would I mind, you need your license, and it's time."
"Thanks so much."
"You're welcome, remember to take money out of your account to pay. It's like twenty dollars."
"I won't forget. Could you please get us a bottle of white zin? I promise when we drink it we won't leave the house."
"Sure any brand?"
"Something cheap."
"I guess you know by now the sweeter the drink, the worse the hangover."
"Yeah, I've had a wine hangover, Thanks."
"No problem, are you sure the two of you are going to be ok here? I've left the hotel info on the fridge."
"We'll be good." I think Uncle Peter is worried about being away with Sarah for the first time. Whereas I'm anxious about Henry coming it's mainly that I've missed him and I have to meet his brother. I have no worries about us being here together.
"You must be Alan," Charles says holding out his hand. He and Henry are so similar in looks and shape it's hard to believe they're not twins.
"Yes," I say laughing nervously because I know he knows about Henry and me. "And you're Charles, nice to meet you," I left off the bit about hearing a lot about him because I didn't want him to say the same to me.
"With that out of the way where can we put my stuff?" Henry asks smiling at me.
"I'll show you, here give me those," I say to Charles and lead Henry into the dining room where Henry puts down his load and immediately grabs me for a hug and a kiss. There's something that's not right here. He seems less sure of himself almost timid.
"I've missed you," he says squeezing me tighter.
"I've missed you too." we kiss. "Are you ok."
"Hey guys," Charles says looking for us. Henry breaks our hug.
"In here," I say going to the doorway. "Can I get you guys something to drink?"
"You have a coke?" asks Henry.
"Make that two, please." the both of them follow me into the kitchen.
"How was the drive? I'm glad you didn't have any problems finding this place," trying to have a conversation is hard.
"Not bad we almost went to the neighbors but Henry recognized your car, we didn't have to make a fool of ourselves." Charles is as nervous as we are.
"So, Charles knows we are boyfriends, and he's ok with it," Henry states while I'm getting cokes out of the fridge. I'm not sure how comfortable Charles looks.
"Well, I'm not sure how comfortable I am but you're my brother so," Charles begins.
"This is me; I don't want to have to explain any of this again," Henry raising his voice.
"No fighting in the house."
"This isn't a fight. You going to be like mom and dad and ignore it?"
"No, but I can't just be like great and groovy right away," Charles says to which I understand his point. Henry is upset that he is not getting the acknowledgment he was expecting. "Dude you play ball, you went to military school, you had a girlfriend."
"All because that was/is the expectation, but that's not me at least the girlfriend part."
"I think I'm going to take my coke and go. I love you bro, but you got to give us time."
"I'm going to leave you two alone," I say as I exit the kitchen. I decide the best place to be is on the patio. It's sunny and cold. I can see the neighbor's which isn't possible, but with all the foliage off the trees one can take in a lot more of the surroundings. My mind wonders back to what Henry and his brother are discussing. Henry is an all or nothing kind of guy. It's one of his few faults. I feel I should've warned him more or prepared him better.
Charles comes to the door. "It was nice to meet you. Take care of him please he's been pretty upset and if you know Henry you know, well, you just help him out ok." With that, we shake hands, and he disappears before I even get a chance to say my pleasantries. I head back in to find Henry. I hear Uncle Peter and Sarah talking to Henry.
"Is your brother not going to stay the night?" Uncle Peter askes.
"No, he's an ass. He's decided to drive on. Thank you for letting me crash here."
"No problem, Henry this is Sarah."
"Nice to meet you, Henry," Sarah says as she extends her hand. Henry accepts.
"Well, guys we are getting ready to leave out ourselves. Can you think of anything else you might need?" Uncle Peter turning to me "Oh here's the video rental card." He reaches into his wallet and lays the card on the counter.
"I think we are good. You two be safe and enjoy," I say.
"Yes, have fun," Henry says with a smile which is a surprise.
"You guys be good." with that Peter and Sarah exit through the garage.
I fix myself a Diet Coke and usher Henry into the living room. "So, everything didn't go as you were hoping?" I ask.
"It's not that, it's, I'm not asking for anything, and they have done nothing but give me shit. May I please use the bathroom?"
"Sure right there in the hall." Henry is more upset than I expected. I knew this was not going to be a good decision. I forgot to ask him about driving lessons -- that' one thing we can do together. Henry exits the bathroom with red puffy eyes. "Come here."
"I'm alright I needed to get that out of my system so that we can enjoy our time. One week with you playing house. I can't believe it." Henry trying to perk up.
"Nine days but who's counting. Do you think in that time you can get me up to speed on driving? Uncle Peter said it'd be a good idea to get my license before I go back to school."
"Oh yeah, easy, oh wait, you've driven before?"
"Yes, I had a permit but didn't get the opportunity to get my license. So, it's a plan, to operation "Get Alan Driving" begins," trying to lighten things up.
I show Henry around the house ending in my room where we'll be sleeping. My room, how strange that sounds but I guess it's true. Uncle Peter called it that yesterday and I had never really thought about it being my room until then. Henry is impressed by the house like I was when I first saw it.
"This Sarah, you said she was your tutor."
"Oh yeah, she was. I'm glad he's got someone to fool around with, but I've never seen any PDA out of them."
"PDA?"
"Really, public displays of affection, PDA."
"Oh, sorry I'm not," Henry starts.
"Why don't you tell me something, I don't like seeing you upset."
"I'm ok it's that I don't think I've ever disappointed my parents. Pretending that I didn't say anything was like me not even being there with them."
"You need to give them some time, and they'll come around. Did you fight, did they say or do anything?"
"No, nothing except act like I never said anything or when I asked questions or brought it up, they just acted like nothing."
"So, how do you know you disappointed them?"
"I just know, I know my parents."
"What did Charles say?"
"He said I shouldn't say much that it might pass and if it didn't it be ok."
"What?"
"That's what he said; it'd be ok if it didn't pass and he wanted to know had anyone messed with me when I was a kid." This is when I notice Henry is crying not loud or vocal, but tears are coming down his face. I go to him and pull him over to the bed.
"Henry, it's ok they didn't say they didn't love you or anything. They'll come around just give them time," I say all this while holding him and rubbing his back. Henry begins to cry harder. I don't know if I'll be able to handle this. "Henry it's ok, you're good."
Henry raises and looks at me. I've never seen this side of him. "I'm sorry about this, give me a minute."
"Sure," he gets up and goes to the bathroom. The door shuts, and I can still hear him blowing his nose. I get to be Henry's support. I can't fail at this. Henry opens the bathroom door.
"OK enough of this. We have a house all to ourselves. Let's get this party started." Henry rallying. "I just need to do one thing, call my parents and let them know we are here. I forgot."
"Sounds good to me. The phone is in the living room." I get up and lead the way down the stairs. "We've got pizza for tonight if that's good with you."
"Great, this won't take long, we promised we would let them know we got here." I leave Henry to use the phone. In the kitchen, I turn the oven on and fetch a pan from the pantry.
"Yes, we got here I just forgot, I will, you too," Henry hanging up the phone. "Well, he said he was glad I got here and to have a good time, so I guess that's a positive."
"They know where you're here with me?"
"Yes, they know you are my boyfriend and that we are here by ourselves. They did not react."
"So nothing bad, that's a positive."
We eat pizza and discuss what we are going to do with our time. Right off the bat, we are going to have some driving lessons and then maybe spend an entire day in bed. The one thing we didn't do our first night was have sex or fool around. We went to sleep with me holding Henry. It felt good. I tried to push all the hurt out of him with my mind, but Henry doesn't forget or move on that easy especially when it's someone who loves him that's hurt him.
The morning is beautiful it might snow a little this afternoon, which would be great. Surprisingly, Henry doesn't wake when I get up. I come downstairs. I decide this is the perfect day for a fire. I go out and bring wood in; I stack it in the fireplace just so. I'm going to do this and then get breakfast going, something like a quiche and some home fries.
I'm in the kitchen cooking when Henry comes up behind me and plays guess who. He appears lots better today. Last night he was not. He cried which I had never seen before and I wasn't able to relieve his pain. My coming out was awful, and the resulting consequences except for being with my uncle was not ideal. At least they didn't kick him out of the house or erase him from their lives. Henry will take their acceptance soon enough because family means the world to him.
"Yum, breakfast how nice. You are my favorite thing in the world."
"I was thinking the same thing. That out of everything in my life you are my favorite."
"I guess this means we were meant to be together." Henry helps me bring the food to the table, and we begin to play house. "Why the fire?"
"I thought it would be nice today and that maybe it will increase the prospect for snow," I explain.
"It's supposed to snow?" Cool, do you have a sled?"
"Yes to the snow no to the sled, besides it, hardly ever snows that much."
"If we were at my house they would be plenty of snow."
I choose to ignore this and stick to the plan of making Henry enjoy his time here. "So, would you like to go back to bed or take a shower or whatever, your call." Henry doesn't answer in words. He takes my hand and guides me upstairs to our room.
"Let's shower and see where that goes," Henry says.
"Sounds fun to me." I go and turn the shower on and quickly undress and climb in. Henry follows soon behind me. He is already excited while I'm only at half-mast. "I love the way you feel," I say as I turn to hug him.
"This feels so good, so right," Henry whispers.
"I agree." We stay like that for a while just holding on to each other. He does feel good, and this does feel right. I wonder if he doubts who he is since his family issues came to be. After washing each other, we get out and dry off. I notice how Henry hangs our towels up over the door to dry.
"Come here," I beg.
"As you wish." I beat him to the bed.
The sheets are chilled, but it takes no time for them to heat. The two of us are horny and up for anything. I reach over and open the bedside drawer where I have stashed condoms and lube. "Oh, it's that kind of party," Henry says.
"If you want it to be." is my reply. I notice there's no music on, which is very strange. I hop up and click play on the boombox, The Cure's Love Song begins. I turn completely naked and ask Henry, "Do you want to fuck me?"
"If you'd like me too." Me returning to the bed nervous about the offer I've just made.
"Yes, please," is all I have to say. Henry takes control, which I like when he's driving. This is our second time, and while I believe sex doesn't have to include penetration, I find I enjoy it being Henry that's doing the penetrating.
"Will you fuck me after?"
"If you want me too."
"I would, Alan, I love you."
"I love you." We kiss, and we continue to kiss until Henry is inside me. I'm glad I told him I love him. He makes it all feel so good. I didn't edit myself, and I let it out. Yes, I do love Henry for all that he is and all that he has done for me, but mainly because he is the sweetest person I've ever known.
Sex is a little rougher, but it's still enjoyable. Henry nibbles at my ear and neck. He kisses my chest and teases my nipples and just before he comes he presses his mouth to mine as if our lives depend on it. We take a little break before it is my time. I roll Henry on his side and place one leg further over the other one. I slide up next to him and enter him slowly. Our bodies fit together so well. I take it slow wanting this all to last as long as possible. Henry and I move as one. I thrust, and he counters. I climax holding his neck with my tongue in his ear.
We go pee and return to the bed. We swap underwear and lie head to toe looking at the ceiling. "Since you know what my first time was like what was yours like?" Henry asks me to tell him about John.
"The first time was with John. I told you."
"No, the first time fucking."
"It was not good. I didn't understand that it was going to hurt and that being tense wasn't going to help. It hurt, and I think I hated John for hurting me. I never really enjoyed it after that."
"So, when I did it did I hurt you?"
"No, I told you, did I hurt you?"
"A little but I figured it would the first time. This time it felt amazing. You made me come again."
"Well, thank you for the compliment," I say laughing.
"You said you loved me. Do you mean it?"
"Yes, I do." I touch him and continue. "I want to know how you knew you liked me? We hadn't talked or been around each other, how did you know?"
"Remember standing in line to go to the Bursar's Office? I was standing behind you, and you smelt so good, and you looked like fun. I started watching you around campus after that. I'd never been around someone like you. You stood in that line reading your book, "Naked Lunch" seemingly oblivious to everything around you."
"You remember the book?"
"Of course, I went directly to the library after that to check it out, and I read it, didn't understand any of it. 'Did I ever tell you about the guy who taught his asshole to talk?"
"`When he smiled the fear flew away in little pieces of light...' How come I didn't know this? One of the greatest books of all time."
"I remember everything about you." Henry reaches out looking for my hand to hold. Times like these are my favorite. So much of his personality reminds me of John, and yet Henry makes me feel different more tingly more loved than ever before. "Let's get up and practice driving."
"Cool," I say as I climb out of bed looking for my jeans.