Chapter 43
When Chris and I walk into the "Alexander Club" we're greeted at the door by a preppy-looking guy who tells us "This club is mainly for gay people and their affirming friends."
"We're both gay but this is our first time here," I tell the guy, whose name is actually Alex. It turns out there's no admission fee but we have to buy two drink tickets. No problem. "have a good time and if you have any trouble at all, look for any guy wearing one of these shirts." He points to his own, black with a bright red C imposed over a capital A.
"Thanks, Alex," I say and we walk in.
"OMG!" says Chris when he sees all the men in the main room, the first time he's ever been in the company of more than one or two other gay men. I pat him on the back. "here's your tribe, dude. You're not alone!" Chris just looks around with his mouth open in astonishment.
"You keep your mouth open like that and some guy's gonna want to put his dick in it," I say, teasingly, and Chris replies, "I need a fucking drink," and goes to the bar. I decide to leave him on his own for a while. I want to check out the Western Room, naturally. Maybe meet some guy who wants to lasso me and make me do his bidding for a while. Shit! I just can't stop thinking that way. Dammit all, I need to serve some guy. That's how I'm made, I guess.
That talk with Janice did me some good. One thing I learn that I didn't realize before: some guys look really hot in cowboy hats. There's a lot of posing going on; country music is playing; this place is cruisy as hell but not many guys are having conversations with each other. Then there's another thing I never realized before: some guys in cowboy hats look totally ridiculous! I have to fight the impulse to giggle. My conditioning kicks in.
Shit! I feel naked without a collar. Right away I imagine what would be happy if I just stripped naked right here among all the vanilla cowboys. If nothing else, I open the buttons on my shirt, and that reveals a couple bruises from the other night which haven't completely gone away yet. I decide to continue exploring. I end up in the Football Room, and this is a lot more my style. Besides, guys into football know all about getting bruised sometimes so there's nothing unusual about that. Most of the guys here are pretty hunky or chunky or, let's say, "big-bodied," to be nice. Lots of team jerseys. A few footballs being tossed around. Friendly group, much more chatty than the cowboys. I go to the bar to get a beer and use up one of my tickets. I turn my back to the bar and lean against it, drinking my beer and enjoying the sight of so many different types of guys, none of them looking threatening like what I'm used to at the Inferno.
One "Joe College"-type guy spots me and comes over to me. "Jack," he says, sticking our his fist for a bump. I bump his and say, "Fred." I guess that's gonna be my name for a while. "Never saw you here before," he says to me.
"This is my first time here. I brought a guy from school with me. He grew up in a small town and is still a virgin. You should have seen the look on his face when we walked in and he saw so many gay guys in one place!" Jack chuckles. "Are you supposed to keep an eye on him, or are you exploring on your own?"
"He'll be okay. I'm just checking things out. This isn't the kind of place I usually hang out in. it's really nice here. They've done a lot of work to make it look inviting and realistic."
"Oh really. So tell me, what kind of places do you usually hang out at?" I hesitate here. How much do I want to give away. "I guess they're in a different class all together. Clubs where dudes have sex in public. Rougher places."
"Oh," he says. "Well you have to keep it in your pants here except for the steam room. I never go there but I've heard it can be, . . . let's say . . . . very tempting."
"To tell the truth, Jack, I don't think I want to go find out what temptations there are. I'm content to hang out here for a while, I guess."
"to each his own, Fred. Me, I'm a simple guy. Suck and fuck in the privacy of my own home. That's about the extent of it."
"Well, like you said, Jack—to each his own."
"So what's your own, Fred?"
"I'm still trying to figure that out, I guess. I'm only 19 and my experience has been, let's say . . . a lot on the wild side. Trying to tone it down a bit now," I say.
"Interesting, you leaving what you call your `wild side.' Any reason why, if you don't mind my asking, Fred."
"Let's just say that I overdosed on it and needed to make a break."
"a break from what?"
"a couple of situations I got myself into with a guy who started fucking with my head." Why, I wonder, do I feel so comfortable talking about this with him?
"Oh, I can't imagine anything like that happening to me. Like I say, sucking and fucking are my thing, but stay the fuck out of my head, if you know what I mean."
"I know exactly what you mean, Jack. Stay like that. You're much better off."
"I hear ya. Well, thanks for the chat. If you manage to get your head clear, Fred, look me up. I'll fuck you good and leave your head alone, or you can just give me head. Whatever. But for now, I'll be moving on. Stay out of the steam room. Probably wouldn't be good for you to be walking around naked, not if you don't want anyone to get the wrong idea." "Thanks, Jack. I'll take your advice. And I'm sure I'll take you up on your offer sometime real soon if I keep coming here."
Jack walks away. Damn! He's a fine-looking man. Clean-cut and oh, so vanilla. I think about the picture he put in my mind: just sucking and fucking. No drama. I'll probably ask him to spank me, I know it. But if he says no? We'll be done with each other but still can be friendly. I get a text from Chris: "met a guy from my dorm. We're heading out now. Thanks for bringing me." Good for him.
I head back to the main room but I have to go through the Western to get to it. It's still pretty quiet there. A couple of "cowboys" are chatting now, and I catch two guys leaning up against the wall, posing in their hats. Pretending to be butch. I can see right through it. But then something unexpected happens. I'm looking at the area that has tables and I see someone sitting alone at a table with his hands folded. I don't know why I'm so attracted to him. He has a beard, and I don't usually like facial hair. But his eyes . . . (you know how I am about eyes) . . . goddam. Not only do I see them, I hear them. A soft gentle sound comes through to me and penetrates deeply and it makes me feel so damn good, just as nice as how I felt when kissing Bobby and Tyler.
Wow. I turn in my second ticket for a beer, turning my back to him. I was wondering if he'd have the same effect on me if I have some beer in my gut. Stood and sipped for a while, then slowly turned back and right away my eyes were snapped to his like a magnet. He nodded to me. Wow. I walked over to him and pulled out a chair. I sat down and had no idea what to say. We sat there for a long time, I think. Eyes and sound and beard and huge hands. He spoke first. "Sometimes it is nice to sit in silence with a brother, all complete, no need to make an impression. This is where true heart work begins."
I look at him inquisitively. "Your heart is aching," he tells me. "When you get to enjoy times like this it means that your heart is telling you that you're safe with me. Don't worry about the ache. Times like this help it heal." This is weird, metaphysical even. How does he know? What's going on? "I get the impression that you are not comfortable here, that you really don't have a place to fit in other than the steam room and you're not really into it, although it would give you a place to be naked. We're not at that place right now. If we were, without being told to, you would get down on your knees under the table, take out my cock, and suck it. And no one would bat an eye.
I'm sorry if I happen to weird you out. It can't be helped. Let's go upstairs to my quarters so I can show you what you've been kept from experiencing because your mother was so nasty to you that you were glad when she died. And one of these days, you're going to come to me or somebody else and beg to be whipped as punishment for that. Your conscience craves it. That's why you turned into a painpig."
He stands up and looks at me. "Come, faggot." Never before did that word humiliate me like it did when he called me that. Maybe he's going to be the one to . . . . I push the thought out of my head as I stand up and push the chair back close to the table. He walks to the very back of this room, opens a door and begins to climb up the staircase. I follow after him, scared to death but determined to see what he wants from me or what he wants to do to me. I keep my eyes on his boots. I'm not going to look at his ass. When he gets to the landing at the top of the stairs, he waits for me to be there with him. "This is going to be really good for you, boy," he says as he opens the door and gestures for me to go through it with him.
Total darkness. Total silence. Palpable silence caressing me. I can't understand how the noise from the Club can't be heard. I hear him walk away. I listen to his steps and know that the room is quite large and I think it is also empty.
"You may remove your clothing. It will help you feel more yourself." Shit. What's he getting at? Is he telling me that it's my destiny to be naked, no matter who's present to see me naked? The idea appeals to me. I feel myself getting hard as I take everything off. Even my socks. Total bared-ass naked in an intensely dark room.
"Take whatever position you like best," he says once I'm feeling my nakedness. I think about what he said. The one I like best? I'm not going to lie to myself. I know what he means.
I get down on the ground and grovel.
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Here are the other stories I have posted, with the dates where you can find them:
The first five should be read in order:
The Alex Chronicles 9/25/2022 Sweet Subjugation 1/15/2023 Brandon's Bosses 4/3/2023 Brandon's Brothers 5/19/2023 Total Subjugation 5/25/2023
These stories are stand-alone
Tommy Loves His Sub 8/17/2023 Training Toby 12/31/2023 Breaking Me In (in progress)