Author's note: Hello every one. This past week I have been in the Hospital for test on my heart. The doctors have discovered that I have a small hole in the bottom right side of my heart. It will require surgery. I have to wait though because I have a very severe sinus infection that has set up in my chest as well. I have written this part when I have had the strength. I want to thank every one who has sent me a message about my health. Now on to a happier subject. If you haven't read When You Say Nothing At All, Brian & Justin -- Just Beginning, or NSYNC Love then you should. They are great stories. I also want to thank Dave of Nifty for having the archive and posting these stories.
Legal Note: If you are not at least 21 or legal age to read this then don't. This is a fantasy about me, the BSB, and NSYNC. This is not saying that any of them are gay or bi.
All comments/suggestions are welcome. You can send me e-mail at wesleym2@yahoo.com or at my ICQ# 47618266. I will try and answer all comments/suggestions.
"Brian, I'm going to bed I'm real tired" I didn't wait on Brian to respond I just got up and went to his bunk. It was a good place to sleep while on the road. I climbed in and pulled the curtains together. I was soon fast asleep.
"Kevin, I'm worried about Mark. We had our first fight and he forgave me since it was my fault but since then he seems to be distancing himself. He stays quiet and by himself."
"Brian he me maybe trying not to cause problems with the group and your career. But then again I have seen the change in him too and I am just wondering if it is something that stems from a certain person by the name Leigh Ann."
"I don't know but.." Brian just trailed off in his own world. He knew something was wrong but wasn't sure what. After sitting there in the booth he decided to go lay down and try to rest. Brian got up and went straight to his bunk and climbed in and closing the curtains. I was against the wall when Brian got in. He put his arm over me in a protecting manor and soon drifted of to sleep.
I was still asleep when we arrived at Washington, DC. I had felt the bus stop and knew that I needed to get up. Brian had already left to get things together for our stay in the hotel. I got up and out of the bunk. The boys had already went into the hotel. I put my shoes on and straightened my hair and grabbed my bag that I would need. The only one on the bus was Britney and she was there to talk to me.
"Mark we need to talk." She said in a now not later voice.
"Okay what ya want?"
"What is going on between you and Brian, yes he hurt you with that stupid remark but you forgave him. What's the deal?"
"It's not the remark, or Leigh Ann it's just that Right now things are pretty much going good but when something good happens to me something bad pops up. I'm just scared. Not only that I just haven't had much strength lately."
"Well you are tearing Brian up inside. He really loves you, you need to let him know that you love him to. And with good times comes bad times you just have to stick with it. Now about your strength, are you having any other problems?"
"Every now and then I have pains in my chest, sometimes I just run out of air. And when I get really busy and all I feel as if my heart has gone into light speed."
"You need to get that checked and you need to tell Brian."
"No, I don't want Brian to know until I know something more." Just then Kevin got on the bus.
"What do you not want Brian to know till you know more?" He asked. Britney told him everything and they both agreed to help with out Brian knowing. They helped me to my room which is also Brian's. Then they left a note saying that we were going to get a few things and wanted him to stay here since a few things were for him. I grabbed my backpack and headed out with Kevin and Britney. We were going to get a few things but first I was going to be checked out by a doctor. We arrived at the hospital and was soon seen by a doctor.
"Hello I'm Dr. Wright, I understand you are having problems with keeping energy and what not, Mr. Cook."
"Yes sir."
"Well I want to get some x-rays of you chest and some blood work. I am having a heart monitor put on you as well." He spoke with a nurse and soon I was covered with heart stuff. Not long after that the vampire came (the nurse that takes your blood). Then it was time for x-rays. When everything was done we had to wait for two hours. Then the doctor come back in.
"Mr. Richardson can I speak with you and Ms. Spears for a moment outside."
"Sure, we will be back in a little bit Mark." They walked outside the exam room and closed the door. "What's wrong doc.?"
"Well Mr. Cook has a hole in the bottom right side of his heart. The hole is only about the size of a pencil eraser but that could get bigger. It seems that he had this since birth. On top of that he as very severe sinus infection which is the main thing that is causing him problems." Kevin then lost all color in his face and Britney had tears in her eyes. "Does Mr. Cook have a significant other? The reason is I saw the ring on his hand. You need that person here to help when I tell Mr. Cook." Kevin nodded and went over to the waiting room and called A.J.
"A.J. are you sitting down? If not you better be. Ok well Me, Britney and Mark are at the hospital because I wanted Mark to get checked out because he was having some problems.. A.J." Kevin was in tears " He has a hole in his heart. The same place Brian did, same condition and everything but this time Mark has a severe sinus infection causing him problems. I need you to get Brian here with out him passing out. The doctor won't tell Mark until he is here.. Ok. Bye." Kevin hung up and just started crying. Britney held him and comforted him the best he could.
The hotel
"Okay Kev.. bye." ` Oh man Brian isn't going to take this well.' A.J. got up and went to Brian's room. He knocked and soon Brian opened it up. Brian could see tears forming in A.J.'s eyes.
"A.J. what's wrong?"
"Brian Kevin, Britney, and Mark are at the hospital and Kevin needs you there because Mark needs you. He is in serious trouble."
"Let's go, and what kind of trouble is he in?"
"Brian he has a hole in his heart and a sinus condition that is hindering his breathing." Brian took a hold of A.J. and ran to the elevator crying. There was a taxi already waiting for them and they were off.
The hospital
"Dr. Wright, I need to tell you that Mark is gay and his significant other is my cousin Brian, I want you to know that if you or anyone else let it out you will be in jail."
"I know the law in fact I already knew because I have a contract with Jive and your management. So don't worry." Kevin was relieved. A few minutes later Brian came running with A.J. in tow.
"Where is he?"
"Mr. Littrell, please calm down, my name is Dr. Wright, if you please follow me and we will see Mr. Cook." Every one followed the doctor to where I was. I had fallen asleep while waiting on them. I was awakened by a kiss. My eyes shot open to see Brian sitting next to me.
"What are you doing here?"
"May I call you Mark." I shook my head yes, "Well Mark I asked for him to be here for I do have some bad news and I wanted him here to help." He went silent for a few minutes. I looked at every ones eyes and all of them had deep concern. "Mark you have a small hole in your heart and on top of that a very serious sinus infection that if not taken care of will cause you more problems. But my main concern is your heart." Needless to say I was surprised by the news. I started to let tears fall down my face. Brian had been through this same thing. What am I supposed to do. I looked in Brian's eyes and saw compassion and longing to hold me. "Mark, you will need surgery but right now I wouldn't even attempt it because you wouldn't make it because of the sinus infection. So I want you to watch your self, slow down and for Gods sake don't over work your heart." He then left to fill out some paper work to give me.
"Bri.Brian what am I going to do? I..I'm scared." I was crying. Brian and the others all hugged me. Each of them crying.
"Mark. you need to stop crying babe, we will get through this. I promise." The doctor come back in and gave me some prescriptions for my heart and sinus problems. He signed me out and we left. I was quiet the trip back to the hotel. What was I going to do? I have been through so much and Brian has been there with me. But one person can take only so much. I was starting to wander why Brian stays with me. All I do is cause him heart ache and problems. Maybe it would be best to just leave and let him go and not have to worry about me. But I love him so much and if I leave him I wouldn't be able to live. What am I to do? I looked at Brian and saw in his eyes true love. Every part of him was giving off love and I just had to accept it. I smiled at him and just laid back against the window. Everything will turn out all right.
That night I decided to stay in and get some rest. The guys had left to greet the group NSYNC and let them meet me here. They would be gone for a few hours. I was sleeping on the bed when I felt someone kiss my head. I thought it was Brian. I smiled and just kept my eyes closed. Then I felt him undo my pants and start pulling them off.
"No Brian I don't feel like it."
"I'm not Brian" I could tell that it wasn't him from the voice. I opened my eyes and saw some stranger on top of me. He looked familiar but I couldn't place his face.
"Get off of me you fuck!!"
"Now is that how you treat your old friend." He said with a laugh. Then it hit me he was the security guard that had grabbed me. He had me pinned. I could move.
"Please stop, don't" I pleaded but this drunk man just wouldn't relent.
"You ruined my career and any chances I had of getting with Brian. So now you are going to pay." That's when he started to hit me with his fist. He was aiming at my head and stomach. After I had finally quite moving he pulled my pants off. Just when he was about to pull his pants down the door opened and Brian was there and saw me beaten and crying. He looked around and saw the ex-security guard with his pants almost down. Kevin was right behind Brian.
"You mother fucker you will pay." Brian yelled. He leaped at the man and had him on the ground punching him. Kevin had called security and was trying to pull Brian off of him. It took three security guards and Kevin to pull Brian off of him. When they had gotten the man out Brian was holding me and crying because I so badly beaten and was almost raped.
"Brian, you stay here with Mark and keep him comfortable I have to take care of some lose ends." Kevin said. I was still awake during the whole thing but I was just so exhausted that I couldn't even move a finger. Kevin called the security team together and had a meeting.
"Okay now you all know what just happened, I want to know who let him up here and why?" Kevin looked at all of them and they all just looked at one person, The head of the team. "Why?"
"I was paid to by some one who was very strict about who was to be let up here. I was told that this person was up here because you requested it." He said. Kevin and the talked for an hour and then sent them to their posts. NSYNC was in the hall just out side my door. When Kevin walked in. I had fallen asleep in Brian's arms.
"Kevin is everything taken care of?"
"Yes it is. I think Mark will need a lot of rest but right now isn't the time He will be coming with us and he will be where we can see him at all times. But right now he needs to meet NSYNC." Brian gently woke me and I sat up. Kevin let NSYNC into the room. We talked for a few hours when Kevin announced that it was time to get to the arena. For some reason Chris kept looking at me as well as Justin. Why I don't know but I wasn't going to worry about that. All I was worried about was who had the grudge against me to do something like that. That security guard was hired by someone. Who? Why? We all had the same questions but no one spoke them seeing that it was best that they be left that way for now. There were two different limos for us. One for the BSB and one for NSYNC. It took us a total of 45 min. to drive to the arena. When we got there BSB, NSYNC, and Britney were sent to get ready the show. I was taken to Brian's dressing room to sit and wait. After about 15 min. Brian came to get me.
"Let's go babe, it is time to party." He said as he smiled. I got up and followed him and the others to the stage. I stayed to the side but with in sight of the guys and girl. They opened with Britney. She did four songs, and then announced the next group.
"Hey D.C. are yall ready for some NSYNC." She was given yells of joy with that. " Well here they are NSYNC." She left the stage and came over to me.
"Mark you okay?"
"Yea just a little tired." We talked for about 10 minutes when Justin started to speak.
"Hey D.C. how yall doin'. Well right now I would like to introduce some friends of ours. We know them as Kevin, Brian, A.J., Nick, and Howie. But you know them as the Backstreet Boys." Then the BSB came out and said hello to the crowd. Brian then spoke.
"Hey how about we do God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You?" Every one agreed. "Well I want to say that I want to dedicate this song to a very special person in my life." The other guys did some thing similar. They got in to place and the music started. During the song Brian would look at me. He was singing that song to me. I was so full of joy that The rest of the concert went by fairly quickly. I didn't care I was happy. That's when I made my decision. But I would need help. I would wait till after we returned to the hotel to ask but I knew I had to do it.
It took the guys and girl another hour to get out of the arena. We all piled into the limos and headed for the hotel. The guys were tired from the show but they still had a way of not showing it.
"The show was great I loved it." I said. Brian got this smile on his face that you couldn't remove with a jack hammer.
"Well we're glad but I sense you want something what is it?" Kevin asked with a smile.
"Oh just something I need to talk to you about when we are alone." Kevin raised his eye brow. And just kept quiet. After about 45 min. we were back at the hotel. We all headed for our rooms but me I went to Kevin's. I followed him in and sat down on the couch.
"What's up Mark?"
"Well me and Brian have been seeing each other for about two months, and I was wandering if you would give your consent for me to marry Brian?"
"You don't have to ask because I would gladly give consent." Kevin said with a smile. He got up and hugged me. "Look I know this 24 hour jewelry store just a block away why don't we go visit it right now." I agreed and we were off. We walked to the store and was greeted by a sales man.
"Hello how can I help you this night?"
"I want to look at your engagement rings please?" I said. The man looked at me and turned and showed me some really cheap rings that didn't look very good. "Do you have anymore than these?"
"Yes but I think these might suit your price range."
"Don't worry how much it costs Mark just find what you want." With that the salesman showed me some rings that just took my breath away. I was looking and My eyes found one that had Brian written all over it. It was gold, with a cross and a diamond on it.
"How much for this set?"
"Lets see..it's 500.00 sir."
"Mark you want it?"
"Yes I do, could you engrave it for me?"
"Yes what would you like sir?"
"I want `M.C. loves B.L.'"
"Okay if you would give me a few minutes I will have it ready for you." He took it and went into the back. We waited there for about 30 min. when he returned. "Okay your total comes to 550.00" Kevin handed him his credit card and the man took it and come back with the receipt. Kevin signed it and we left. I went to My room and opened the door. Brian wasn't there. I looked around and noticed the doors to the balcony were open. Maybe he was out there. I walked out there and sure enough Brian was sitting in a chair with his back to me.
"Brian is every thing okay?" Brian jumped and looked at me with a smile.
"You scared me, you get everything with Kevin taken care of?"
"Yep, may I" I motioned to sit next to him and he moved over and I sat down with head on his chest. "I really do love you Brian."
"And I love you Mark, ever since I met you I have felt complete and happy." I started to tear up. "Babe don't start crying."
"Okay I won't." I leaned up and kissed him. We kissed for about 10 min. When I broke. "Brian I have to ask you a question," I got up and sat on my knees. "Brian I love you with my heart, body, and soul. I have and will love you with all I have, because my love is all I have to give you. Will you Brian Thomas Littrell marry me?" Brian had tears in his eyes as I pulled out the ring set. I looked in his eyes and saw love in it truest form.
"Mark there has never been a time when I couldn't say no and I won't start now." I place the ring on his left hand and then kissed him. We both got up and entered the bed room of the suite we had. I laid down and Brian laid on top of me. That night we didn't have sex or anything like that we made passionate love to each other. We both fell asleep in each others arms.
I awoke to the phone ringing. I managed to get up with out waking Brian and answered it. "Hello. oh hey Kevin.. Okay we will be there in like 10 min.. okay gotcha.. Bye" I hung up the phone and turned to see Brian sitting up and smiling. "That was Kevin he wants us to join him and the other guys for breakfast over in his room."
"Okay you wanna shower with me?" I smiled and helped Brian up and gave him a kiss. We both went to get a shower and get dressed. About ten minutes later we were on our way to Kevin's room. Brian knocked and A.J. answered.
"Well there the love birds. Come on in and get something to eat." Every one was there. I grabbed some fruit and a juice Brian grabbed a cup of coffee and some fruit. We both sat down on the floor. Kevin was going over the schedule when Howie noticed the ring on Brian's hand.
"Brian where did that ring come from?" every one looked at me and Brian. I looked at Kevin and saw he was smiling.
"Well Mark here proposed to me last night and we are getting married, we haven't set a date yet but we know where we are getting married, Hawaii." Brian said with a smile. I turned and kissed him and then saw Justin stand and came over to me.
"Mark I am so happy for you two." He gave us a hug and sat back down. Every one except Chris said anything.
"Chris what's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing I just had to let it sink in what you said, congrats." He said and then left. It was time for us to leave anyway both groups and Britney had photo shoots and other stuff to do and then we had to leave for the next stop.
"Brian, I was wandering if you would mind if I took on your last name in other words may I become Wesley Mark Littrell?"
"That is just beautiful, I love it." We kissed and headed for the days challenges. The trip to the photo shoot wasn't very exciting. I held Brian's hand and rested my head on his shoulder. I noticed the only other one smiling was Kevin the others had looks of distrust or anger. Brian noticed that but didn't say anything. The total drive was about 45 min. Both limos stopped in front of the entrance and everyone got out. As I was getting out a hand came in front of my face. I looked at it and noticed the ring on it and realized that it was Brian. I took his hand and he helped me out of the car. I looked over at Justin when I got out and saw he had a look of sadness. I decided then to talk to him when I got a chance.
The studio where the photo shoot was being held was huge. There were rooms on the side, and a large platform and screen in the back. Lights were every where and in the front was 4 large tables of food. Everyone was ushered to a different room. I followed Brian to the room he was in.
"Brian do you mind if I went to speak with Justin for a few minutes?"
"Ok babe that would give time to get ready with out distraction, but your distraction is always welcome." He said with a smile. I gave him a quick kiss and then went in search of Justin. I walked down to where I was hearing some one crying. I knocked and the he spoke.
"Yes."
"Justin it's Mark I would like to talk to you is that ok."
"Yea come on in." I opened the door and saw him sitting in a chair. His eye were red from crying.
"Justin why were you crying?"
"I don't think you would understand."
"Try me, now come on what ever you say will stay right here in this room."
"Well.. I don't know how to say this.. But...Mark I'm ."
"Gay"
"Yes, I'm afraid that if the other guys find out they would kick me out. They all make fun of people who are gay, and all it's just it hurts when they do that."
"Let me guess is Chris the starter of this gay bashing?"
"Yea how'd you know?"
"Well who was the last to say anything to me and Brian getting married?"
"Oh I see, how did you and Brian get together?"
"Well it started when this guy at the mall in Texarkana was stalking him. At the time I didn't know who Brian was. Well I got in a position where I could help Brian in case this man tried anything, he did he pulled out a pistol and shot at Brian. I was fast enough to push Brian as soon as I saw the gun. Instead of Brian getting shot I got shot." I told Justin everything and he was shocked and surprised.
"Wow, no wonder he loves you, you give him love even when you don't even think you are. I just wish I had that."
"Who in the group do you have it in for?"
"What?"
"Who in the group are in love with?"
"Uhmmm. J.C.."
"Why haven't you told him so?"
"I've tried but he seems so wrapped up in his own thoughts that I just leave him alone. I want him to know but I'm scared he might not even be gay and then kick me out of the group."
"Well the only way to fix this problem is to do some talking. How about I set up a group discussion tonight and we all talk this out. How's that." There was a smile on his face.
"Thanks Mark." He got up and gave me a hug. He needed to get ready for the shoot and I was missing Brian. When I got back to his dressing room He wasn't there. I went in and sat down. I looked up at the mirror and there was a note taped to it. I got up and read it.
Brian, Thanks for a great time, I know you are getting married but you were so great that I just have to see you again. I love you.
Rick I was hurt real bad why would he do this to me. I fell down crying. Justin heard some one fall and came down to where I was.
"Mark, what's wrong!" I was crying so hard I couldn't answer him. He saw the note and he got furious. "KEVIN" He yelled. Kevin came running when he heard Justin yell.
"What is it?" he said before he saw me on the floor. Justin handed him the note and he read it. Kevin was pissed. Brian had just finished his shoot when he saw Kevin standing at his dressing room. He got closer and heard some one crying, he took off in a run but Kevin wouldn't let Brian near. "Brian how could you, he loved you and you go off and do something like this." Kevin said waving the note in front of Brian.
"What are you talking about?"
"This" He said handing him the note. Brian read it and he to was mad but he just started to cry. He went to the floor.
"Kevin I didn't do anything, I didn't cheat on Mark. When he left to go talk with Justin, I went straight to hair and Makeup. I swear." No one noticed but the one person who did this was congratulating her self in another part of the studio.
Britney was walking by a room that was supposed to be empty heard a laughing. She got closer and could hear a female voice thanking and praising some on.
"I don't like it." Said a male voice.
"Well at least Brian and Mark are no longer together. Being that Mark thinks Brian cheated on him." Said a familiar female voice. Britney was angry. But decided to wait for a few moments. She saw Nick walking towards her. She made a motion for him to be quiet. She told him what she had heard and her plan. He agreed and waited for the right moment. She threw open the door and saw the ex-guard and the devil incarnate, Leigh Ann Wallace. Both of them were surprised by the sudden event. Nick grabbed the ex- guard and threw him down and Britney grabbed Leigh Ann. They were throwing punches left and right. Nick and Britney were on top of the other two when the security arrived. Both Leigh Ann and the other man was grabbed.
"So you are the one causing the trouble with Mark and Brian, well I guess you just lost Bitch." Britney said. "Bring them with me." Britney and Nick went to where Kevin and the other guys where. "Kevin could you come here for a minute, and bring Brian." He did. When they got close Kevin turned red with rage. It was Leigh Ann and that good for nothing Rich Blith. Britney took a hold of Brian to comfort him. "Nick go get Mark." Nick ran off to get me. When he reached the room I was laying in the floor ignoring every one. Nick tried to get me to respond but I didn't. So he did the only thing he could. He picked me up and carried me to Brian. I was to weak to even stand and my color had drained out of my face. When Brian saw me he broke down even more. Nick showed me two people that when I saw them I wanted to kill them.
"Brian..." I said I barely got that out. But he heard me and came to me. "Hold me" I said with tears in my eyes. He took me in his arms and held me.
"Take them away and make sure they never come near us again." Kevin said. I feel asleep in Brian's arms.
"Kevin, I'm worried, he can't seem to stay awake and he is so weak."
"Brian just stay with him, he has been through a lot these past few days. You know he loves you and you love him, but now we got two people working against you and him. Right now he needs rest, and so do you." Britney had tears in her eyes because of the way I looked. I looked like death warmed over.
I knew in my heart that he wouldn't do something like that but in this day and age things happen. My heart was finally slowing down and I was getting a little stronger. I felt me and Brian sharing his strength, that is what has kept me from dying from this event. I could feel his heart beat in his chest as he held me. I had finally stopped crying. I was tired but I need something only on person could give me. I forced myself up and faced Brian.
"Brian, I'm sorry, I love you." I leaned in and kissed him. This kiss wasn't one of lust or anything. It was a kiss of pure love. A love the could never end or die. This kiss brought me more strength and I put more love in it. I broke the kiss and saw that Brian was once again happy. Our love was once again tested and so was our trust. But once again the truth set us free. We were like two birds in a storm. The wind and rain constantly pushing against us but we fought and we will see the sun in time but for now we give each other the strength to go on and fly through the storm. Brian picked me up and carried me to the limo and just me and him went back to the hotel. When we got to the hotel I forced my self to walk but only with the help of Brian. We got looks but we didn't care. We made it to our room and Brian carried me to the bed and laid me down. We weren't here to make love we were here for each other, if we did have sex, it would be because we both wanted it. The relationship we had did not survive on sex it survived on love we had for each other. Brian gently removed my clothes down to my boxers and then he did the same. He crawled in bed after he made sure the lock on the door was locked. We laid there holding each other, and finally we went to sleep, happy.
To be continued...
P.S. I touched on the fact of rape. Rape is very serious and can lead to a person being killed. Rape makes a person feel dirty and unclean. They lose apart of them selves when it happens. If you or some you know has been violated sexually or come close seek help.
P.S.2. Let me know who else you think should be a couple. Again thanks for your support.