Changes

Thanks as always for any feedback. I really appreciate it. There is more in the next few chapters about 'N Sync and again, I have to warn you that I don't know too much about them and I will try not to make any stupid mistakes, but I am really free-forming with their personalities. Enjoy. -- May

Please don't read this story if you have a problem with gay sex. The usual disclaimer applies.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Justin squinted at his alarm clock and answered his phone with a groan. He had no excuse to still be in bed. "Nick... Hey, what's up." "Still sleepin'? Well get your lazy ass up." Justin laughed softly and stretched his arms out as he cradled the phone to his face with one shoulder. "Naw, I'm awake..." "Yeah right. Hey, do you still want to get together today?" "Uh huh, yeah sure..." They decided on a late lunch, somewhere quiet where they could linger and chat. Justin sat up in the bed and rested before getting in the shower. The guys from 'N Sync were in town to do some recording for their new album, which was scheduled to get the jump on whatever BSB put out by a few months. Of course, nobody knew at this point if there was even a BSB any more. The dirt Justin had heard from a fly on the wall was that Howie was still holding out for contract renegotiations he was definitely not going to get, and Nick was fighting with his parents about making his final break from the group. Chris thought it was good news for 'N Sync, who had always gotten a bad rap as the pretenders to the throne. Justin found it bittersweet; the end of an era. He lathered himself slowly in the shower and considered his relationship with Nick Carter. They had a passing acquaintance for years before they broke through to one another at a Trans Con party. There was an unspoken bond there, an organic and instinctive approach to life that went understood without the need for any external mechanism. It was a vibe that Justin couldn't explain and didn't even want to talk about, particularly not to Lance. Nick had been more insightful than he realised when he told Justin that Lance was jealous because he wanted something that he would never have. Justin.

Brian crammed his baseball cap down low over his face as he stood in line with Misha. He felt a little uncomfortable in such a public place without any security. Admittedly, it was a weekday in the off-season, but Brian didn't particularly enjoy small mob scenes, let alone anything major. "Just keep a look-out," Brian implored. "If anybody looks like they're trying to figure out who I am, just warn me." "I'll do my best," Misha said. "But I'm not going to spend the whole time scanning for the enemy." "Sorry," Brian said, poking him gently in the side. "I'm a stress bunny today." "It's okay," Misha said more softly. It had taken quite some effort on Brian's part to get him down from New York, but Disney World sounded like a nice way to break the ice. Misha had dealt with some legal matters with the Firm and then closed up the little office he shared with Dani for a vacation. The Firm had given them a cash settlement and he felt comfortable taking a little time off. However, coming back to Brian was not as comfortable. Misha had tried to explain it to Dani as being made to feel that he was the "bad" one in the relationship because he wasn't as trusting, because he wasn't as free with his feelings, because he didn't want to get hurt. And then when Brian did things to hurt him, somehow it was okay because Brian's actions were guided by his heart. Add the complications of being a celebrity and dealing with the band break-up and it was not an ideal situation for any new relationship.

Misha let out a sigh as his worries jumbled around in his mind. He scooted his glasses up the bridge of his nose and pinched the flesh with his fingers, and when he looked down he caught Brian's anxious gaze. "Are you okay? We don't have to go on this ride if you don't want to." It had been quite a chore finding rides that weren't roller coasters, since Brian hated them, and Misha shook his head. "No, no, I'm fine. Just feeling a little overwhelmed, I guess." Brian longed to put his arms around Misha and comfort him physically. But he was a Backstreet Boy and he couldn't risk any public show of affection for another man. Instead, he kicked a piece of litter angrily away. "Brian, if something is bothering you, let's talk about it," Misha said. "I didn't come all the way out here to get nothing done." He knew as soon as he said it that Brian wouldn't like the sound of it. Well, too bad, Misha thought. Adult relationships do require work, and Brian's fantasy of romance without effort, of instant understanding, doesn't exist in the real world. Maybe it works for two very sentimental and naive young people, like he and Nick were when they fell in love. Everything seemed to lead back to that first true love, for both of them, and whenever Misha tried to break through to Brian and build a solid foundation for their relationship, the spectre of Nick slipped between them and laughed in his face.

Dani answered the door of A.J.'s house still wearing her bathing suit, covered by an Indian style sari made of orange cotton with gold threading, with her dark brown hair loose and growing long enough to touch her back. "Kevin, I wasn't expecting to see you here," she smiled. "I heard you came to stay for a while," he said drily, striding into the house assertively and looking around. A.J.'s pet shih tzu dogs ran up and began yelping at him, and Kevin knelt to scratch their heads and ears. "Alex is out back, I'll go and get him," Dani said, and when she was answered by silence, she went on her way. She padded away barefoot, mulling over her own thoughts, which had to do with Misha and their business partnership and Alex and their relationship, and Kevin watched her go; she was a small woman, short enough to date Howie, and built rather narrow, without any real decoration to her. Kevin had no idea whether she resented him for his part in getting the two photographers kicked off the tour just prior to Howie's resignation. Quite frankly, he'd forgotten that she was even around. As soon as A.J. appeared, Kevin put Dani back in the mental file drawer marked "unimportant." "Bone, we need to talk," he said. A.J. nodded. "Let's go for a drive, okay?"

Justin settled into his chair and smiled weakly at Nick, who had circles under his eyes but otherwise looked very good, rather glammed up with a new hair cut, his natural colouring developed by a bit of lightening to his hair, a bit of fake bake on top of a little touch of natural sun tan. Now that they were face to face, there was a hint of tension between them, and Justin patted his hair, glancing at himself briefly in a mirror alongside their table. "Are you still seeing Kevin?" he asked. Nick just looked at him and then he laughed. "Kevin? No, I never was. Who told you that?" "Nick, don't you remember what happened in France? That whole little scene in the restaurant with you and Brian?" There was laughter in Justin's voice, but his eyes searched his friend's warily. "Yeah? I said that I was fucking him. Not seeing him." Nick fiddled with two of his rings and dropped his eyes. "I told him to get the hell out of my house last week. He thought I wanted him over there for some reason." "Fucking, I guess," Justin smiled. Nick looked him in the face and smiled back, a little too wide. "I guess so. He thinks he's so much better than everybody else, but you know what? He's worse than I am." Nick picked up the menu and then set it back down. "The service here sucks." "Nick, what are you going to do?" "About the service?" "No... no. About singing, about the Backstreet Boys." "I don't know, Justin. It's not up to me right now." Nick shrugged and shot Justin a silly look. "I'm going to Cali tomorrow." "To see your folks?" "Yeah, I guess." Nick looked around again for the waiter, who made his obsequious appearance and took their order. Nick took in his surroundings sadly, not knowing when he would come back to Florida, or where he would go if California didn't feel right either. His world was swirling around precariously, a dizzying flight away from himself, and he felt as though nothing had meaning any more. He looked up and into Justin's eyes, intently, without realising what he was doing. "Nick, are you okay?" Justin laughed. "I think you've been partying too much." "Maybe," Nick said blankly, looking deeper into Justin's eyes. What was it that bound the two of them? Was it the same thing that made Brian love me once, Nick asked himself. Was it all purely physical?

"I'll drive, you talk," A.J. said as he guided his enormous SUV onto the highway. "Can you put out that cigarette first?" "It's my car," A.J. replied pointedly, but he did hang the cigarette out the window and turned his head slightly when he exhaled. "Okay, well, the way I see it, we probably have one shot at getting things worked out with Howie, and the way to do it is a group effort. You, me and Brian. We'll go in together and we will refuse to leave until he lets us in." "Whoah, whoah, hold up. First off, where is Nick? Second, Howie will call the cops before he lets us in. I know this because I already tried that." "You did?" "Come on, Kev. D has been one of my best friends since we were kids. Way before you were in the picture." Kevin was stung by the bitterness in A.J.'s voice, but he brushed it off and went on. "I honestly think Howie will think it over if we go in together. As for Nick..." Kevin mashed his lips around as he decided how to phrase things. "Nick is out of the picture right now. He won't talk to me." "I wonder why," A.J. said. "You know what, A.J.? I need to talk to you face to face, because this 'you drive and we talk' shit is not cutting it for me." "Maybe you just don't like what you're hearing, Kev." "I don't need to hear any lectures from you, A.J. I tried to help Nick but he blew me off. And maybe you don't like the way I try to run things, but it's better than nobody doing anything at all, isn't it? If I didn't try to get something going, would anything happen? No. You'd all just sit around on your asses feeling sorry for yourselves." "I guess you know all about that, don't you Kev." It was all Kevin could do to keep from hauling off and decking A.J. "Just pull off the highway now. I need to get out of this fucking car." "Maybe you should consider anger management." "Why the hell are you taking this out on me?" Kevin's voice got louder despite his efforts to keep things under control. "Why the hell do you think anybody even wants to be the Backstreet Boys any more?" A.J. yelled back. "Just so you have something to do? So you have a little army to run?" Kevin sank back against the seat, stunned. "Why is this so fucking important to you," A.J. said, pulling up on the shoulder of the road and turning to face his bandmate. "Have you even considered it, or are you just marching in fucking place like a robot?"

Brian rested his hand on the small of Misha's back as they stood together looking around one of the cleverly designed pens at the wild animal park, a natural looking habitat where brightly coloured creatures met and mingled, seemingly unaware of the gawking humans, lingering awkwardly in their shorts and t-shirts, looking back and forth from the explanatory signs to the animals themselves. But when Brian looked over at his boyfriend, Misha's expression seemed set and sarcastic, as though his mind was coming up with a cynical perspective on the innocent creatures who wandered around dumbly before them. They clicked at a certain level, Misha and Brian, and on others, they were worlds apart. Brian patted him softly before removing his hand. "Hey, are you hungry? Maybe we should grab something to eat and talk." What Brian really felt like doing was making love, but he knew Misha well enough to realise that probably was not going to happen until things picked up between them. "We definitely need to talk," Misha said, and then he broke into a small smile at last. "And I am starving. It must have been the smell of the fish they were feeding the sea lions." Brian wrinkled his nose up and grinned at him. "Come on, we have nothing but time."

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

"Baby, you know I don't like surprises," Howie said, following his wife Maria blindly, led by her hand around his. "You'll like this one, mijito, I know it." She smiled to herself as she quietly opened the door. "Surprise." Howie blinked in the bright light, from his retinas adjusting to the sudden brightness and from disbelief. Chris Kirkpatrick and Lance Bass smiled at him from his basement study, both of them leaning on pool cues like a posed photo shoot. The anger and built-up resentment Howie had been feeling toward his former bandmates chilled in his veins, and he suddenly felt trapped in his own house. There wasn't a soul on the earth that Howie trusted at that moment. "We meet again," Chris grinned. "What are you guys doing here?" Howie asked, glancing from his wife back to the two 'N Sync members. "Well," Lance drawled lazily, "we thought it might be nice to do a little bridge building." His green eyes scanned the smaller man's face for an emotion, and for what he might be hiding. There were two people on Lance's mind, and neither of them was Howie Dorough.

Justin and Nick were safely esconced in a rambling grove, both of them walking in silence and kicking small stones along the muddy pathway. The weather was a bit wild and big drops of rain were breaking out in spells, hanging off the tree branches and bursting free with heavy splashes. Justin knew that this was his time to take a stand with Nick, but he was afraid to ask him what was really on his mind. It was one thing to relate to each other in totality, and another to communicate on a more precise level. He ran out of time to make his pre-formulated decision when Nick broke the silence. "Just," Nick said from behind him, "hold up, okay?" "Nicky," Justin said softly, rushing his words out, "I don't know what is going on with you but ... you know I'm there for ya. I mean... as a friend." "What are you talking about?" Nick asked sadly, staring at him. "And Nick," Justin hurried on, "I was also thinking that you and I could do some recording together. It's just something to think about. I know you're busy right now-" "Justin," Nick said, putting a hand on his face. "Don't." Justin's expressive face was twisted with guilt; Nick felt betrayed and Justin knew it.

"Why are you here with me, Just?" The words hung in the air like a threat. "Because I'm your friend, Nick... You need a friend." "I'm lonely," Nick said softly. "You feel so close to me, but you're not." "What about Kevin?" Justin asked, feeling himself flush at Nick's words. Despite his best intentions, he had been drawn into exactly the kind of conversation he didn't want to have. "Kevin's lonely too," Nick said. "He hates me." "Nick..." Justin tried to break the dizzy mood by forcing a laugh. "You're acting really weird, ya know that? What's all the drama about? You could get any guy you want." "You really think so?" Nick asked, giving Justin a sly smile. "Yeah. Any guy who's gay, that is. We should get out of here... I'm supposed to go to my mom's house for dinner." "Are you sure you want to leave?" Nick asked, giving Justin a seductive glance. "I think we should," Justin replied, walking away with his head turned over his shoulder. "Since you're running out of friends as it is." Justin hurried out of the woods, with some inner part of himself clenched down so tightly that he could honestly believe it had never even been there.

"You always do this!" Brian yelled, storming into his house ahead of Misha. His dog started running around barking, frightened by all the commotion. "It's because I care," Misha muttered to himself. "And because I don't want to live in fantasy land!" "You break everything down until there isn't anything left," Brian said bitterly, tears beginning to run down his face. "You analyze things and you search and you search until you find the reason why you can't be happy. Why don't you just let yourself be happy?" "That's not what you really mean," Misha said, "what you mean is why can't I let YOU be happy! You don't want anybody interfering in your fantasies, right? So why the hell do you even want a real life boyfriend? Why don't you just jack off at night and dream about Nick!" "Don't bring Nick into this," Brian said, "that is a fucking crock and you know it!" "I think your dog just peed on the rug," Misha said. Brian glared over at the soggy patch and groaned. "Wonderful." He stomped into the kitchen and dug out some rug cleaner to sprinkle over the mess. "I'm not done talking!" Brian shouted when he got back, seeing Misha heading up stairs. "What else is there to say? You like to be oblivious, you're immature, you're sheltered ... you're impossible!" "I am trying, Misha," Brian sobbed, breaking down as he knelt on the carpet. Somehow the dog pee was the last straw. "You are so fucking invested in protecting yourself, I feel like I'm in love with somebody who's in an ivory tower, locked away, I can't get to you..." "I'm right here, Brian," Misha said. "I can't get to you," Brian repeated, crying harder, and Misha walked back over to him and held him in his arms.

"I just don't know," Howie said, resting his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. He was hitting the whiskey harder than usual and although it wasn't helping him come to any conclusions about Chris and Lance's visit, it was soothing his frayed nerves. "Honey, if you take a stand with them, nobody can pull any more shit with you," Maria smiled. "Just think what a slap in the face it would be for the other guys!" "Maria, this is my decision, don't try to influence it," Howie snapped at her. "I was only trying to help," she snarled. "I make the music around here. You... I guess you make the babies." "You are an asshole sometimes, you know that?" Maria spun around on her heel and left. Howie picked up his cell phone and dialed a familiar number. At the same time, Lance drummed his hands on the steering wheel as he sped along toward the studio, where he'd drop Chris off. His bandmate had his arms wrapped around his body, squinting though his sunglasses as he thought over their little reconnaissance mission. "He would add a good flavour," Chris said aloud, "I mean, he's got that whole Latin urban thing going on." Lance laughed lightly. "We'll just have to see what happens, now won't we?" "Do you think Justin asked Nick to do a track with us too?" Chris glanced over in time to see Lance's youthful features arrange themselves into a scowl. "I'm not psychic, Chris. But I do know where Nick Carter's been showing his ass, and I'm just going to have to go down there tonight."

"Yes..." A.J. frowned. "Of course we will. Yes, definitely, all of us. Okay. Bye D." Kevin suddenly gasped, realising that he hadn't breathed for the duration of A.J.'s phone call. "So what did he say? He'll meet with us?" "Yeah," A.J. said, lighting up a fresh cigarette and taking a long drag. "It's gotta be all of us, just us, no wives, no girlfriends, no lawyers, no mommies and daddies." A.J. dialed Brian's number and got the machine. "Yo Rok, it's Alex. Very important, call me back on the cell STAT. My phone is on. Call me." A.J. eyed Kevin narrowly as he called Nick, but again, he spoke to a machine. "Nicky, it's Alex. You need to call me as soon as possible, it is really important, it's about Howie. Please. Call me. Alex. Here's my number again in case you don't have it." Kevin stared out the window. They were still on the shoulder of the highway, and huge dark grey clouds were hanging low and ominous in the sky. "Do you think he'll call me back?" A.J. asked, putting out his cigarette and immediately lighting a fresh one. He was in high stress mode. "Honestly... I doubt it." A.J. started up the car and glanced angrily at Kevin as they headed back to his place. "I still can't believe you did what you did," A.J. said finally. They both stared ahead at the road as they talked. "Bone... There is something real between me and Nick. I'm giving him some space right now... I don't know." "You took advantage of him. That was pretty low, Kevin. I always respected you until that." "Nick isn't a child, A.J. And you aren't exactly the moral majority." "I'm just telling you what I feel, Kev. We may as well be honest with each other." "I guess you're right. It's not like we have anything to lose at this point."

Lance slid in to a seat at the bar and shouted over for a drink. He didn't frequent a lot of local gay clubs, since he figured it was easy tabloid fodder, but he was willing to make an exception to have a little chat with Nick. He sipped his Tom Collins and surveyed the place through a haze of smoke and dry ice. Tacky, Lance said to himself, this place is really tacky. At least the drink was strong. Lance had several while perched on his stool, one long leg wrapped around the other and bouncing nervously. "Who are you waiting for, Jesus Christ?" one drunk guy kept harassing him, seeing that Lance was blowing off all the men who hit on him. "You'll see," Lance smirked, gratified by all the attention but hoping that none of these oafs would make trouble for him or get in the way of his tete-a- tete. Lance never actually saw Nick come in, but late that night he did see him emerge from the bathroom and come staggering over to the bar. Lance slid off his chair and greeted him with a hug. "Nicky, what are you doing here?" "Oh, hi," Nick smiled blearily, "what's your name?" "Lance," he said irritably, "remember?" Nick mumbled something unintelligible and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Lance looked him up and down and tugged at the waist of his pants; the button was undone and they didn't really fit over Nick's ass. "You are really fucked up," Lance said, "are these even your pants?" "I don't know," Nick mumbled, holding on to Lance's neck with both arms in order to stay standing. His tongue made its way around one of Lance's ears and down his neck, sending tingles of excitement through Lance's body. "I have to talk to you," Lance said softly. He couldn't resist sliding one hand over Nick's round butt, but as he did so, he felt Nick collapse against him. "Hey," Lance said, "are you okay?" Two men appeared and took Nick by either arm. "Come on," the taller guy said, "you said you'd come with us, remember?" "Who are you?" Lance asked, but he got shoved nastily aside for his trouble. "What are you doing? That's..." Lance stopped himself. He glanced around, but nobody was there to help him. Before he knew it, Nick was gone, and Lance left his last drink untouched, calling a cab and heading home feeling more fortunate than he had in quite a long time.

"I don't care who called," Brian murmured, laying back in his huge king sized bed and gazing at Misha, who propped himself up on his elbows and broke into a wide smile. "I just want to keep on making love to you." "You know that sweet little accent of yours drives me crazy," Misha sighed, cuddling close to his lover's naked body and running a hand down Brian's sculpted flesh, tracing his pelvic bone and eliciting a little giggle in response. "Look in my eyes," Brian said softly, and Misha met his gaze. "I love you. Do you see that there?" "I do, Brian." His eyes were completely pure, stunning crystal blue, like precious jewels, and Misha kissed his eyelids tenderly. We're both vulnerable, and we both have to be strong for each other, Misha said to himself. We don't need to role play and we don't need to play any games. "You're a good person, Brian Littrell. I'm really lucky to be with you." "I'm the lucky one," Brian smiled, "you aren't like anybody else." "I'm difficult to be with," Misha sighed, "I'm sorry." "Don't be, it's worth the challenge," Brian said with a twinkle in his eyes. "Just be patient with me if I don't get it right the first time, trying to figure out what makes you tick." "Okay," Misha smiled, kissing Brian softly on the lips, "it's a deal." His hands slid over Brian's smooth skin again, and Misha began to gently stroke his lover's warm cock, wanting to caress every inch of him, smooth every fold of skin. Brian's hands firmly massaged Misha's buttocks, and he kissed and nipped at his chest. "Bri," Misha sighed out, "I want you inside me, please." "You don't have to beg, baby," Brian smiled, kissing his way down Misha's stomach. He let his tongue flick over the head of his lover's dick as he helped Misha out of his shorts, tasting the musky cum he had missed having in his mouth during their separation. Brian's tongue played over Misha's throbbing penis, sucking and licking up, down, and around, reacquainting his mouth with its favourite toy. He sucked off another little release of pre-cum and let Misha's dick prop up and back against his stomach as he spread his legs in readiness for Brian's cock.

Misha let out a little moan of anticipation, hiking his legs up and feeling the warm wetness of Brian's slick cock head pressing against his asshole. Brian kissed him deeply as he eased his dick into his body. Misha felt his core seem to give way to the erotic fullness, feeling Brian's hot dick throbbing inside him and then beginning to slide in and out. "Oh, God," Misha moaned, rolling his head back in pleasure. His own dick pulsed, wet and engorged, pressed between their naked bodies, and as Brian began to slam harder into him, Misha felt his orgasm building, his ass muscles clenching hard and insistent around Brian's cock, seizing it and milking it with every thrust, deeper and rougher. Brian had his eyes closed as always, but he clutched at Misha's body and began to moan his name. "Yeah... Oh yeah... Mish... Oh, fuck!" Misha gasped, realising that Brian was going to cum inside him, and as he grabbed at Brian's back to pull him close, Misha's own excitement overtook him and his cock began to shoot. Brian yelped out as he came, and Misha had the incredible sensation of being filled with his lover's hot cum as his own dick continued to blast loads of his own sperm between them. They rocked together slowly before Brian finally slid his limp cock out of Misha's wet ass, and then they cuddled and kissed throughout a quick shower and back to bed. Misha fell asleep with Brian's arms wrapped around him, basking in a sensation he had never had before, trust.