CHAPTER THREE - EVERYTHING AND NOTHING -----------------------------------
It had been three days since I'd seen Chris last. I had never gotten his phone number and since I hadn't been to his house yet I didn't know where he lived. He hadn't showed up for school since that Tuesday and I was beginning to worry if something had happened to him. There was nothing I could do to fix things because I had no way to contact him. I felt so helpless and after school was dismissed Friday afternoon I found myself wandering the area to think about all that had happened. I strolled through the neighborhood where Chris said he lived hoping maybe I could catch a glimpse of him, though I was highly doubtful.
I couldn't help but think of the kiss that started this whole mess. It was brief but it was wonderful. It was the first time that someone I could fall in love with had shown how they felt about me, as more than just a friend. Did I do something to make him think that what he had done was wrong? I asked myself this question over and over and couldn't come up with an answer. All my life I've hidden the fact that I was gay, I had never told anyone. Not my closest friends, not my parents, and definitely not someone I'd only met days before. But here I was, angry with myself for not being honest with Chris. It hurt me to think about him, tears in his eyes, as he walked out the door and out of my life. 'I'm so sorry' were the words that had echoed in my mind for three days now. I was one who should be sorry.
I walked around wide-eyed until it was dark. The neighborhood just isn't that big so I'm sure that many people must've seen me pass them numerous times. I suppose to many I must've seemed almost like a small boy who had lost his parents at a carnival. I was becoming depressed and everything seemed to no longer matter anymore. I decided to head for home before things got worse.
"Where the hell have you been?" came my dad's voice as I entered the house. He hadn't been home for about a week because of business trips and I had totally forgotten that he was coming home tonight. He was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper, I assume to catch up on the week's information he missed while he was away.
"I was just out walking around, nothing in particular." I really didn't want to talk to my parents right now as anything I said would probably only get me into to trouble anyway. I had neglected to think about the consequences of being out so late without letting my parents know where I was.
"Well, next time you're out 'just walking around' I'd appreciate it if you called to let me know where you are ok? You could've died for all I know or how about..." when he said that I knew he was going to go into a long speech about responsibility and how parents worry all the time. I took that opportunity to dip out of the living room and into the kitchen to find something to drink. My mom had left a small note on the fridge saying she was going to her sister's house up in Bellevue to visit for the weekend, and to call if I needed anything. It would've been even better if my dad weren't home either, in which case I could've had the whole house to myself. I grabbed a cold Mountain Dew from the fridge and went out on to the back porch to gaze at the lifeless stars. After about 5 minutes of gazing up at gray clouds, not a single star in sight, I went back inside. I was feeling a little better about everything and not feeling so depressed now that I'd had time to think everything through. One thing was still missing though - Chris. I went up to my room and laid down on the bed to stare at the drab ceiling which, I have to admit, was more interesting than the dreary Seattle rainclouds.
I awoke in the middle of the night suddenly. I was still in my clothes and I realized I had fallen asleep lying on the bed. I don't know why I woke when I did but something seemed to have woken me. I left my bedroom and headed for the bathroom, which I was badly in need of at the time. As I entered the hallway I heard a noise at the front door. I dismissed it as the morning paper being delivered, which usually makes a loud racket at the door in around this hour. I continued on to bathroom when I heard another noise. It was almost a knock, a soft knock maybe, but definitely not loud and intruding enough to be the paper. It kind of scared me actually. Who the hell would be coming to my house at three in the morning? I crept down the stairs as silently as I could so as not to give away my presence to what could be an unskilled trespasser, not yet experienced in being stealthy. I waited for a few moments and after there were no more noises I made a daring move and opened the door to look outside. Nobody was at the door but I could see a lone figure sitting on the curb facing away from the house. I stood for minute trying to see what they were doing but could decipher nothing from that far away. I slowly walked down our front walkway toward the sidewalk. My heart skipped a beat when I finally realized who it was. There was Chris, sitting on the curb outside my house at 3 a.m., leaning his head on his knees. I didn't approach him right away but rather I stood there to look at his beautiful figure.
"Chris," I whispered to him from where I was standing. He looked startled as he turned around and when he saw that it was me he just stared into my eyes, possibly trying to see some kind of clue about what I was going to say. I saw tears come to eyes and he turned away from me, buried his head in his arms, and began to cry. I felt so sad at that moment. I walked over and sat down next to him on the curb. I put my arm around him and leaned my head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry James," he said to me finally. "I didn't mean to do this to you, it's too late now I guess. I can't lie to you, I really do like you. More than just a friend. I suppose you wouldn't understand." I sat my head up and looked into those big blue eyes of his. "I should go." He said as he started to get up.
I grabbed his hand and stopped him from walking away. "Please don't leave Chris." He sat back down and looked at me. "I do understand though. And I'm definitely not mad at you if that's what you think." I reached my hand out and wiped a tear from his eye.
"You're not?" he asked me, still crying a little from everything that was going on.
"Of course not, how could I ever be mad at you? Look at you, you're perfect. By kissing me you opened a door that I could never have done myself."
"But... You mean? I mean, you're..?" I gave a small nod and took his warm hand in mine.
"I wanted to tell you since the day we met, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't risk losing you as friend. I was so jealous of Chrissy that first day when you went off with her."
"I'm sorry, it's just that back home people who I thought were my friends weren't so friendly when they found out I was... you know. I didn't want to get too close to you because if the people here found out about me I'm afraid the same will happen, and I really can't go through all that again."
"I understand, Chris." I looked straight at his cute face. I could still see traces of the tears in his eyes. His hair was all wet, obviously he had been out earlier while it was raining. It definitely made him cuter though, hard as that seems considering how he always looks.
Chris turned to look at me and at that moment I realized that I had fallen in love with him. His body, his voice, his personality, his eyes. I once again got lost in his eyes just staring into what seemed to be everything and nothing all at once. After a moment of me looking at him, him looking at me, our heads slowly moved toward each other. I had wanted something like this for so long and now that it was happening I could think of nothing but how I wanted to be with Chris forever. I closed my eyes and our lips met. I wasn't prepared for the feeling that rushed through my body at that moment. His lips were warm and he tasted so good. Our tongues danced while our hands grasped each other’s. I squeezed my hands tighter around his and pressed my chest against his, all the while still kissing. It seemed as though I had always thought sex with another boy would be the best thing in the world but now I could not begin to imagine anything being better than this kiss. Even in my wildest dreams I would never have believed that it would be like this.
After what seemed an eternity our heads slowly moved apart. My eyes were still close as my lips moved away from his. I opened my eyes to bask in the beauty of him sitting there next to me. I won't even describe what I felt right then because no words ever could. Except maybe one.
"That was wonderful," Chris said to me in a soft voice. "I've never done anything like that before and it was the best feeling I've ever had." Tears began to well up in his eyes and he looked down toward the ground.
I reached my arm out and ran my fingers through his matted wet hair. I continued to run my fingers through his hair for a moment and finally said "Chris, I think..." He looked up from the ground to see what I had to say. I took my hand and wiped the tears from his blue eyes. "I think I've fallen in love with you." There, I had said it. For the first time in my life I told another boy exactly how I felt about him and I wasn't ashamed of it.
It appeared as though he had something to say but no words came out of his mouth. Instead, he threw his arms around me and hugged me. As we hugged he leaned his head on my shoulder and said, "I love you too." At that instant I began to cry softly. It felt so good to hear those words from Chris and to know that they meant something. I stopped hugging him and brushed the wet golden- blond hair out of his face.
"Let's go inside, it's damn cold out here. I'd be freezing my ass off if you weren't so hot." He laughed at that and we held hands as we walked up to the house and inside. "Let's go up to my room and see about getting you some dry clothes. I'm sure I have something that will fit you." We walked quietly up the stairs so as not to wake my dad. It would take some serious lying to explain why I had the cutest boy in the world going with me into my room at 3:30 in the morning. I locked my door once we got into the room, just in case my dad came walking in once morning came.
I rummaged through my drawers looking for something he could wear. "Here you go, I hope you don't mind wearing those." I handed him a baggy pair of jeans, some boxers and socks, and a Nike T-shirt. He sat down on the edge of the bed and began to untie his shoes. I went over and laid down next to him on the bed. He took off his shoes and socks took off his shirt. He then slipped his wet pants off. "Just throw all that stuff over there on the floor, we'll deal with them in the morning. You are staying tonight, right?" I asked him. Now that I thought about I guess we hadn't really discussed if he was going to stay around or if he was going to head home.
He looked over at me and gave a small smirk. "Yeah, I'll stay around here tonight. But, what about your dad? What will you tell him?"
"I don't know, I'll think of something when the time comes."
He was still standing there in only his boxers and I just gazed at his beauty. I never thought I'd see this much of him without clothes on and, as you can imagine, I was loving it. He stopped for a second and looked over at me staring at him. "Do you mind? You're kinda staring, James, and I need to change."
I gave him an evil grin and said, "Oh, I don't mind. Please continue." He let out a big smile and turned his back to me. As he slipped his boxers down to the floor I became very glad that I wasn't standing or I might have collapsed from being weak in the knees. This was the closest I'd ever been to another boy while he was naked. I just stared at him from head to toe. His back had a nice tan, obviously from living in the California sun. As I moved down I saw his smooth ass, which was tanned too. He grabbed the boxers I gave him and started to slip them on. "Do you tan in the nude or what?" I asked him.
He turned his head and smiled, obviously at the fact that I was checking him out the whole time. He knew that I hadn't taken my eyes off of him and he didn't seem to mind at all. After he slipped on the t-shirt he came back over to the bed and sat down. "I don't need the pants and socks right now, I don't sleep in all that anyway. Where do you want me to sleep?"
"I think I can find it in my heart to share my bed with you if don't mind." I said sarcastically.
"Better watch what you joke about James. I know you want me to sleep in your bed, so maybe I won't just so that I could torture you."
"You could, except that you probably want to sleep in my bed as much I want you to." He smiled, probably because he knew that I'd made a good point. He hopped into my bed and sat halfway up and leaned his head on his hand. I took my shoes and socks off and turned my head to look at him. As I slipped my pants off I saw him smile slightly. I don't know how to explain it but knowing that someone was liking what they saw when I slipped my pants off was really cool. I walked over and flipped the lights out and then slid into the bed next to him. I laid there looking at his cute face in the pale moonlight for about 5 minutes without taking my eyes off him.
He stared back at me the whole time and finally said, "Why do you just look at me like that? What are you thinking about?"
"I don't know, I just can't take my eyes off of you. It's not just how good looking you are, it's everything about you. I was just thinking about how fast this all happened. I've lived in this town all my life and I've never really loved anybody, except for my parents, but that's a given. I'd never told anyone I was gay either, not even my parents. And yet here you are, after only five days since we met, and I've already told you more than anybody else."
"I know it was fast, I had to try. It was now or never, I guess I figured I didn't know you well enough to be totally depressed if what I'd done broke up our friendship. If I had waited longer it only would've become harder and harder to say and do. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He asked me in a serious tone.
"I think I see what you're saying. I'm glad you took a chance though because I'm really too shy to do anything like that. If you hadn't taken the initiative I would never have found out how you feel about me and vice versa. Things are so much more difficult this way."
"What way?"
"Being gay. See, if you're straight, you can assume that every girl you meet is straight and if you like someone you can make an attempt. Nobody will think anything weird about you if she doesn't want you. But if you're gay, you also have to assume that every guy you meet is straight, so it's not very easy to make an attempt. What if a guy you like isn't gay and you make an attempt? You'd have some serious problems then."
"I never thought about it that way. I guess it is pretty complicated. I'm glad I didn't know what I was getting into when I first kissed you, otherwise maybe it wouldn't have happened. Back in California people weren't as uptight about that stuff I don't think. There were people at my school who were gay, and others knew it. They didn't seem to mind too much."
"So, have you had any boyfriends or anything like that before?" I wondered if this kid had dealt with all of this before.
"Well, not really. I never wanted to admit to myself that I was gay and that would probably make it kind of hard for me to admit to others." He said in a sad tone.
"So I'm your first? I kinda like that," I said to him as I smiled. I reached my hand out and brushed it against the side of his face. I left my hand there and moved my head closer to his. He saw what I was doing and followed suit. When our lips met it was even better than the first time. I sensed the sweet taste of the inside of his mouth as my tongue entered. The sensation that passed through my body while we kissed was more powerful than anything I'd ever experienced. I ran my free hand through his soft hair as we kissed passionately. I can't even guess how long that kiss lasted and was quite amazed that we never came up for air the whole time. When we finally parted our lips I laid my head on the pillow and stared at him again. "I loved that, Chris. You're so wonderful, I don't know what I'd do without you now that we've met."
He laid his head down too. "That was the best feeling I've ever had." He looked inquiringly at me. "I'd swear you've done that before with how good it was."
"I can assure you that was my first time. Well, except for just a little bit ago outside with you." He rolled over in the bed so that his back was to me and moved closer. His butt was right in my crotch, which really turned me on. But, hard as it may be to believe, the feelings I felt right now had nothing to do with sex. I loved this boy so much that nothing else really mattered right now. I pressed my chest up as close to his back as I could and put my arm over him and against his chest. "Chris, I love you."
I heard a soft crying sound coming from him in the dark. In a sniffled tone he replied "I love you too." At that point I truly knew what love felt like. I won't even attempt to describe it to you, that could never do it justice. No words can describe love except for that one word - love. With that we fell asleep, him close to me in my arms.
To Be Continued... ---------------------------------------------------------------
Well, it seems like people kinda liked the first two chapters so here is chapter 3. I hope you're not disappointed. If you are, send me an e-mail and let me know why. If you liked it send me a message too, I love to hear from all of you. Don't worry, I'm sure there might be some sex stuff soon, but please remember that I'm not writing this story because of that topic. It's a love story, as you can probably tell by now.
...Jaime...
jl_loverboy@hotmail.com
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