Cockatoo
I live for feedback nikkie.silk@outlook.com
Part 1
It's a cliché, isn't it? Man comes home early and finds his wife in bed with someone else. Only slightly less of a cliché in my case, as the `someone else' was my wife's closest girlfriend - closest in every sense of the word.
It was a quick divorce; no kids, only a rented flat, so the only squabbles were about books and cds. In the end I told her to keep the lot. I wanted to make it a clean break. I managed to fit all I owned into the boot of my small car. I was 25 years old, fit, healthy and with a good but frankly boring job in a software company just outside Cambridge in the UK's version of Silicon Valley. My parents had both passed away some years earlier so I had no ties in the UK anymore.
It was time for a change.
As it happened the firm had just won a contract with a global pharmaceutical company to become their principal software partner. The Pharma company had built a new production facility in Bangkok and needed a software developer to go out there for six months to sort out the programming mess their previous partner had made. I was totally bored with my life in the UK and it seemed too good an opportunity to miss. I thought I was well qualified to take on the role so I talked to my boss who put me forward, and to my total surprise I was asked to go.
Having heard I was going to Bangkok my male friends congratulated me and told me that I was a lucky dog, and that it was surely the place to get over the divorce. One older guy said to me quietly that if I couldn't be good, than I should at least be careful out there. I smiled as it's an old and fairly lame joke, after all. He said that he was serious and that I should be careful. I asked him what he meant. He said with a wistful look on his face, remember not all the girls there are what they seem. A beautiful looking girl in Bangkok might come with something extra, he said. Look at the size of their hands he warned, probably the only thing a ladyboy can't change. I had heard about ladyboys of course, but I had no intentions of getting involved with them and told him so. He smiled and said, never say never. Now curious, I asked him `Have you ever, you know...' He winked, said Good luck, it's a fabulous city and moved off.
It took me only a few days to clear up things in the UK, and a week later I was landing at Suvarnabhumi airport. Look, if you haven't been to Bangkok, let me tell you it is a complete assault on the senses. I had never seen, felt or smelt anything like it. The people, heat, colours, food, smells and sights of this city are just extraordinary; especially for a guy who's most daring trip had been to Majorca. It is also, of course, the world's biggest traffic jam. Traffic in the city is impossible, but the new Skytrain system has at least made a small difference. The company had booked an apartment for me in a building close to Taksin Bridge on the Chao Praya River. I even had a small view of the river from the apartment's balcony if I leant out far enough. The Chao Praya is the pulsating main artery of Bangkok and it's generally the easiest and most entertaining way to get about in Bangkok. The water buses vie for space with each other as well as the very fast long tail boats that race up and down the river. Throw in the hotel boats, the huge barges, restaurant boats and other craft and it makes for a very exciting ride on the river. Luckily, the office where I was to work was only a short river bus ride to the Saphan Taksin Skytrain station and then a few stops into Bangkok.
The job itself was complex but once I got it broken down into separate tasks it wasn't too difficult. To begin with it took long hours to do the analysis and planning. It had been left in a horrible mess, but gradually a plan emerged. This was quickly approved and I could begin the development phase. People in the client's office were wary of me at first but once they could see I was making progress, they became friendlier. I was taken out a few times to dinner in some wonderful restaurants that I am sure tourists would not have found. I grew to love Thai food and I basically ate out most of the time. Being a kitchen salesman in Bangkok must be like selling sand to the Saudis, as most Thais seem to eat out on the street more often than not. Once my project had been approved and development work began I had some more free time to explore the city. It's a beautiful and energetic city and the Thai people are generally friendly and welcoming.
All was going well at work and I had begun to feel more at ease with Bangkok and Thai culture. Then, out of the blue, I received an email from a friend from back home who was going to be passing through Bangkok on his way to his brother's wedding in Phuket. His flights meant he had a one night stop-over in Bangkok and he asked if he if he could stay with me for a night instead of shelling out for a hotel. The apartment had two bedrooms so I agreed and looked forward to some company and gossip from back home.
It was good to see a friendly face and it allowed me to catch up. It seems my ex had moved in with her girlfriend but it had ended badly and they had split up. She now claimed she had just been experimenting and was telling everyone it had all been a mistake and she should never have let me go. Robbie asked if there was any chance of reconciliation. Same as a snowball's chance in hell, I replied. He laughed and said she had asked him to sound me out, and that he hoped I hadn't minded him asking. I told him I didn't mind in the slightest; the ashes of that fire were stone cold. He had brought a bottle of good Scotch as a present and after we had polished off most of that he said he wanted to explore Bangkok's red-light areas. So, already a bit loaded, the two of us went on a tour of what Bangkok at night has to offer. It's said that per capita the sex industry in Thailand is smaller than that of Taiwan or the Philippines. It is, however, pretty much in your face. Patpong, Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza between them offer pretty much every sexual service you have heard of, a few you probably haven't and some you wouldn't even want to think about. I had been taken on an `orientation tour' by a western colleague early on and I had seen things there that would send a good Catholic boy straight to hell. Luckily, I'm a lapsed Catholic; but as they say, once a Catholic, always a Catholic.
We managed to do the rounds of go-go bars, getting even more loaded as we went. We even found an Irish bar and played some pool with the girls there. I fancied myself as a pool player but got shot down in flames by a tiny Thai girl. It certainly didn't help my concentration when she bent over in front of me to play a shot. Or when I was taking a shot that she leant on the other side of the table where I could get a face full of her ample breasts in a very tight t-shirt.
I had seen some of this before but even so there were some things that were new to me. We were pretty trashed towards the end of the evening when Robbie suddenly said he couldn't leave Bangkok without seeing some Ladyboys. kathoeys, I told him, that's what they are called here. Don't care what they're called, he slurred, let's go see some. We were in Soi Cowboy by this time and I knew there would be a kathoey bar somewhere there. Eventually we found our way to a small bar called Cockatoo; I guess I was too drunk to get the double meaning of the name that night.
Outside there were a couple of girls trying to get people to go inside. Well, they did look like girls, very pretty and dressed as any bar girl would be – in other words, in very little. We hesitated outside, both of us, I think, a little nervous about going in. In the end, Robbie pushed me and I almost fell into the bar. It was small and loud inside with the usual disco ball lighting. There was a small dance stage along the middle with seats and small tables along each side. On the stage were a number of girls dancing and a few guys sat to each side of the stage watching. Even in my slightly intoxicated state I did realise they weren't really girls, but some of them I would defy anyone to tell that they weren't genuine girls. The Mamasan came over and found us seats on one side of the stage and we ordered beers. From where we sat we were only a few feet away from the dancers. Some were dressed in very tight hot pants and crop tops and some in bikinis. There were some with a bulge where you might expect but others looked so smooth down there I swear they had to be real girls. Robbie nudged me and grinned, and before I could stop him he had waved two of the girls across to sit with us. The two stepped down from the stage and sat next to us. I had to scoot up a bit to make room for the one next to me and she smiled and asked me what my name was in pretty good English. I told her James, and she said her name was Pao. She said James a few times to get her tongue around it and asked if I would buy her a drink and I waved the Mamasan across to order a ladydrink for the two girls. Pao cuddled up close and immediately put her hand on my thigh. She giggled and said I was a handsome man. She was wearing a bikini with the top just big enough to cover her small breasts. The bottom part was fairly skimpy and nothing seemed out of place there. She had brown hair falling down over her shoulders with lovely hazel eyes and I thought she was really very pretty. Robbie by this time was heavily involved with his girl and they were laughing and I could see she had her hand in his crotch under the table and he was grinning like a fool. I turned back to Pao.
Maybe it was that I had far too much to drink already or maybe it was some time since I had been so physically close to someone but the warmth from her body pressing tight to mine and the touch of her hand on my thigh made me instinctively react. I felt my cock start to harden in my trousers. Pao felt me move slightly as my cock stiffened and her hand slid to my groin and she started to rub my cock beneath the table. I squirmed slightly as her hand began to rub harder and she said You like, James?' I nodded and she giggled again, wriggled even closer to me and then she moved my hand under the table into her crotch. I was so startled that it took me a few seconds to fully realise that she had put my hand on what was obviously a small cock. She had eased down her bikini bottom and she pushed my hand around her small but firmly erect cock. It was warm and soft and twitched gently in my fingers. Now here's the thing, I had never thought of myself as gay, yet here I was with my hand for the first time on someone else's cock, and yet I still had a raging erection. What was I doing? This was getting all too weird for me. I was getting pretty turned on at that moment and I had to summon all my mental strength to move my hand away from her cock. Pao said, You no like, James?' I shook my head, No, I mean I don't know, maybe, oh shit, I don't know.' My head was buzzing by this time, and I was now so confused by what I was feeling. Pao was still rubbing my cock really energetically and I was very hard by now and squirming around. She leaned in close and said We can go short time if you like, James?'
Now this was where it just got too much for me and I stood up and ran out of the bar. Robbie came out after me a few minutes later and asked what was wrong. `I'm shit faced, feel sick, too much drink, going to throw up' was all I could muster. He said he was going back in because he was enjoying himself and so I grabbed a tuk-tuk back to my flat, my mind still racing with what had happened. Robbie made it back to the flat with just enough time to grab his gear and head out for his flight to Phuket. I didn't get to ask him about what he had got up to but he looked a bit bashful and I could only wonder what had gone on back at the bar .
I had never thought of myself as anything but 100% heterosexual but I kept thinking about that night. How had I managed to get so aroused by Pao and above all how I had felt when I touched her cock. To be honest, my sex life up to that point had been pretty banal. I had always been what you might call pure vanilla in my tastes. I realised that could have been why my wife had been `experimenting' with her best mate. I had a fairly sheltered upbringing; we lived in a small village in Leicestershire and I had been sent to private school, all single sex needless to say. Even university didn't bring a rebellious phase and I spent most of my time buried in books or computers. I didn't have many girlfriends and my first serious one led to my marriage. In the sexual adventure stakes, I was a wash out.
I decided to fall back on most guys' default excuse and blame the alcohol for getting me thoroughly mixed up. Within a few days I told myself to stop thinking about it and settle back down to work again. It's not unusual to come across kathoeys in Bangkok. The Thais generally are a very tolerant people and their religion is, shall we say, flexible about their attitudes towards sex. It is generally accepted there that kathoeys are a third gender in Thai culture. Many but by no means all work in the sex trade. Anyway, after that night at Cockatoo I couldn't stop seeing kathoeys everywhere. It's the effect that occurs when you become really aware of something you pay more attention to it than you normally would. I even found out there were a couple working in the company office. I had been totally unaware and to be honest they were both lovely to work with.
When I knew what to look for, Adam's apples or big hands or whatever, I became more and more aware of their presence. I admit I had become more curious, having had the experience in Cockatoo, but I didn't have the courage to go back by myself.
After three month's hectic work, I fancied a break and a few days away on the beach somewhere. I asked around and somebody suggested an island called Koh Samui in the Gulf of Thailand. It was only a couple of hours by air from Bangkok and sounded like it was just what I needed. I mentioned that I was going there in an email to a friend back in England. He emailed back to say that one of our university friends, Alex, whom I had lost touch with a while back, was living out there. I remember he had gone to Thailand after university on a gap year and had never come back. My friend thought Alex was running a hotel or something out there. He had an email address and suggested I see if he was still there.
God, Alex's name brought back some memories – mostly good. He had been a bit of a wild child at University; but unlike me he didn't have to work too hard to get his degree. I had managed a 2:1 with a lot of hard work and sweat whilst he got a First, almost it seemed, without trying. He had been ridiculously good looking and he partied hard, always with a few girls hanging around at any one time which made me quite jealous of him. He had an easy charm that seemed to attract everyone. We had shared a student house for a year and whilst we didn't seem to be exactly close he was always friendly. I was struggling with my work at the time and never seemed to find the time to accept any of his invites for drinks or parties. I suspect he thought I was a bit too uptight for his liking and I always felt he was inviting me just because we shared the house. The only time we got close was at his drink sodden leaving do before he went to Thailand. He told me that he had enjoyed the time we had known each other and that he hoped I would not forget him. He gave me a big hug and I promised him, of course, that I would look him up if our paths crossed again. He mumbled something about regrets and missed chances but I think were both too drunk to make much sense that night. After that, he went to Thailand and disappeared.
It was touch and go as to whether I wanted to make contact. On one hand it would be good to catch up and on the other; did I want to look backwards? After all, I had come to Thailand to make a fresh start. However, I did remember my promise to look him up if our paths crossed and I do think a promise is a promise. So my curiosity and politeness won and I dashed off an email, half expecting not to get a reply. Next day I got an email back with a phone number and a request to call before I left for Samui. In the end I called him the night before I flew out. The line was pretty poor but we eventually understood each other and he enthusiastically told me to get in touch when I had checked in to my hotel. He told me it wasn't a hotel, but a bar in Lamai Beach. I agreed to give him a call when I arrived. It was only on the flight to Samui that I realised how tired I was. Weeks of working long hours had taken their toll on me, and I felt I really needed the chance to unwind and get some rest and relaxation. I arrived on a late flight from Bangkok so I could maximise the time I spent on the island. It was nearly midnight when I arrived at the hotel after the taxi ride from hell that is typical of Thailand. It was late so I wondered about ringing Alex but he had told me not to worry, just to call as soon as I checked in. When I got to my room I called the number and sure enough Alex answered after a few rings. There was a lot of music in the background and he had to shout to make himself heard. We finally agreed that I would come on over to the bar the next evening. He told me it was called Koh Samui Blue, and that just tell the taxi driver the name and he would know it. Had I done the right thing? Too late tonight to worry; I crashed out and slept like a log.
Samui is a beautiful island and the hotel I had booked was in a perfect position. A small boutique style hotel, it lay right on a beautiful tropical beach fringed with palm trees. It was just stunning and I idled my first day away, lounging in the sun with an unread paperback on the table beside me. I mixed up the sun bathing with frequent dips in the pool and a couple of trips to swim in the sea. Lunch passed with a couple of Singha beers and in mid afternoon I decided to call it a day. An hour or so of sleep left me feeling refreshed and relaxed. It's crazy just how quickly you can unwind if you are in the right place. I wondered again if I was doing the right thing by meeting up with Alex but I was curious about what kind of bar he ran. I guess I had an image of some dingy side street dive in my mind. It was really too late to pull out now and if it was too bad I could always make my excuses and leave. As agreed I headed out about seven o'clock. Alex had said that things didn't get going until later but we could get some food and reconnect. As he had said the taxi driver knew the name straight away and we headed off to Lamai Beach. It's basically a long strip with bars, massage shops and restaurants lined up on both sides of the road with the beach behind one side. There wasn't much life around as we cruised down the strip. About half way down there was a small square and right opposite was a newish looking two story building with a darkened plate glass window running almost the full width of the building and a large neon sign `Koh Samui Blue' over the window.
Well, so far so good I thought, not too shabby at all. The taxi dropped me off and I walked over to the bar. The humidity was high outside but as I pushed the door open the interior was wonderfully cool from the air conditioning. The door opened into a long bar area that seemed to take up the whole of the ground floor. The room was decorated in a modern style with abstract art on the walls and some more traditional Thai looking sculptures in recessed shelves lit very tastefully from behind. There were lots of sofas around to form seating areas and it seemed to be a very relaxed and chilled atmosphere. Some Oscar Peterson, one of my favourites, was playing in the background and there looked to be a stage area at one end for what could be live music I guessed. There were some early drinkers seated on the sofa areas and at the bar itself which ran for most of the length of the room. I was relieved to see it was a much better place than I had feared.
I stood there not sure what to do. At that moment a very pretty Thai girl emerged from the back of the bar and with both hands together in a Wai, bowed and greeted me with Sawasdee Ka. Saswadee Krab, I replied and returned the Wai as I had been taught to do since arriving in Thailand. She smiled and asked in very good English if I were here to meet Alex. I smiled because she had pegged me as English straightaway. I said yes, my name's James.
Please follow me she said and led me to the back of the back of the bar and through a door behind the bar area. There was a bank of closed circuit TVs showing the bar and some other rooms. I guessed she had watched me enter and then came out to greet me. She was wearing a beautiful long dark blue silk dress in traditional Thai style and she moved with the grace and poise of someone who had been taught how to walk properly. She led me along a corridor and knocked at a door. Come in I heard from inside and she opened the door and allowed me to enter first.
I walked through the door and standing up from behind a desk and smiling broadly was a tall, very attractive blonde woman.
I must have looked very confused and said, `I'm so sorry, I thought Alex was in here, I'm here to meet him.'
James, it's me, Alex,' she had stopped a few feet from me and held out her arms. It's really great to see you here.'
`No, I mean, Alex, Alex Hassall, is he here?' I was beginning to feel a complete fool as obviously there had been a huge mistake here.
`James, it really is me, Alex Hassall, Class of '09, we shared a house on the Grimthorpe Road, remember?'
`No, no, it can't be. But you're a woman. It's not possible.' I began to think I was hallucinating. Was I ill?
`James, come and sit down, you look a little pale.' She moved forwards and took my arm and moved me to a chair and I sat down with a bump. My head was reeling and I felt as if I was going to faint. I must be ill.
Do you want some water? Or something stronger, maybe?' She squatted down next to me and I could look straight into her eyes. It was then that I suddenly noticed something oddly familiar. You've got Alex's eye. Oh my God, it is you,' I squawked. Alex's eyes were hazel but in his right one there had always been a small dark brown quadrant in the cornea. It was genetic and only noticeable if you looked directly into the eye.
`I mean, you have the same thing in your eye as Alex,' I was babbling now.
James, that would be entirely, natural, I think, as it is me.' She smiled even more broadly. How? I mean what's happened? How is this possible?'
She pulled her long blonde hair back from her face and it was then that the penny dropped. Everyone had said that Alex was good looking back at Uni and many of the girls had even said he looked quite pretty. As she held her hair back I could see that it was unmistakably Alex's face looking back at me.
Oh my God,' I couldn't think of anything more original to say, It is you.'