Countrymen

This story contains descriptions of consenting sex between adult gay men. If such stories are illegal where you live, or distasteful to you please surf elsewhere. Otherwise I hope you enjoy. All characters are ficticious,

and if there is such a company as Arbroath and Co, that is purely by chance, and no way intended. All comments etc are gratefully received and replied to. Email me at jeffyrks@hotmail.com

This section of the story introduces Tom, and I am confronted with a problem. Tom is a Yorkshire man, who has spent all his working life on a farm, and speaks with a strong Yorkshire accent. My problem is how far to introduce these Yorkshire mannerisms into the dialogue. Tom drops some of his aitches, and occasionally puts aitches where none should be. For example, a horse would be pronounced orse; but sometimes an operation would become a hoperation. But one of the most interesting characteristics of those who speak with a strong Yorkshire accent is sometimes to reduce 'the' to just 't' before the noun. So 'down to the mill' becomes 'down to t'mill', and 'in the barn' becomes 'in t'barn'. I hope the proliferation of apostrophes is not too much of a hazard to smooth reading. I have also occasionally retained 'ee' for you, a relic that still occassionally appears in northern England speech for thee. I think those of my readers unacquainted with the idiosyncrasies of spoken English accents will soon get the hang of what is being said. In previous parts I have introduced some Yorkshire dialect where possible i.e. goosegob for gooseberry, and clarty for muddy. It would be a shame if these dialect words were lost, too many have disappeared already. If this is all too much let me know and I will cut it out or reduce it in the main Tom section.

Resume:- Phil, a retired man in his 60s met Colin a farmer in his 40s. They began a close sexual friendship. Colin is a member of a gay group calling themselves The Countrymen. Colin is wanting Phil to become a member. He has already met Kevin in his 20s and the youngest member of the group. They enjoyed a threesome. Kevin has also visited Phil and told him some of his story.

The Countrymen Part 6.

It was Thursday afternoon that I made my way out to Loftend again. It was a warm day and there was an increased feel of spring in the air. Daffodils were providing their splashes of bright yellow in some of the gardens in town. Loftend was in the hills and higher than the town where I lived, so the daffodils were still in bud. But there was a warm feel in the air, with the promise of better days to come.

I drove into the farmyard, and round to my usual place, which was hidden from the prying eyes of passers by. When I got out of the car, an older man came towards me. I realised that it was almost certainly Tom, who I knew was one of the Countrymen, and did some work for Colin.

We approached each other. "Tom?" I asked.

"Aye. And you must be Phil."

The man I shook hands with was considerably shorter than me. I reckoned he was about 5foot 4inches in height. He was thin, but there was a sense that he was strong and muscular. His face was a weather beaten brown. The result of working outside for most of his life. He had a shock of white hair. I was immediately conscious of the sparcity of my thatch. But what stood out were his eyes, which were a bright piercing blue. There seemed to be a wealth of experience and humour behind them.

"Colin told me to welcome you. He's had to go into the bank and do one or two other things. He'll back as soon as he can get. So I've got to entertain you." He grinned broadly. "A cup of tea?"

"A good idea."

We made our way back into the house, and he filled the water jug and began to make a pot of tea.

"When are you going to join us Countrymen?"

"Whenever you will have me."

"Colin, and now young Kev, 'ave been saying what fun they've 'ad with you."

I remembered what Colin had said about Tom. That he had the biggest cock of all the Countrymen. My eyes must have looked down at his groin.

Tom burst into laughter. "I know what you're looking for. Colin must have told 'ee. You're wanting to see if I've actually got the biggest cock of 'em all. Let's 'av our tea, and then I might show 'ee."

We both laughed, and both our hands went to our cocks to make some slight adjustments. We stood in the kitchen drinking our cups of tea.

"I gather we are about the same age," I said.

"I'm 66."

"I'm 65 My birthday is in July."

"Mine is in January. Damn! That means I'm still the oldest."

"But I'm sure the wisest."

"I doubt that. Not with educated chaps like our Vic around. July you said?"

I nodded.

"Then we must make you a member as a birthday present. It would give us a date to work to. Vic's the difficult one. Need to get date in 'is diary about six months before."

"I gather you're married?" I said.

"Aye, for many years. Three kids. I'm a grandfather six times over. Our Colin tells us you was married."

"Yes. For about twenty odd years. My wife left me when the kids left home."

"Did she find out you was gay?"

"Yes. I told her. But I think she felt all along that there was something wrong with the marriage. She just told me she was leaving. That marriage had not given her all she wanted. We didn't fall out with a big row or anything. In many ways we parted quite amicably. Does your wife know you like men?"

"No. Though I sometimes thinks she guesses. As you probably know I've liked men all along. I'll tell you how I came to get married sometime. But she did not want any more children, and didn't really like the sex part, so I just stopped fucking her after the third kid were born. I stuck with her.

There were the kids to bring up. She's a good woman, good cook, good with the money, keeps house good. Doesn't ask too many questions. I sometime thinks she might guess what I do. But she never asks. I can have my fun as always, so where's the harm?"

"So you've had gay sex since you were a youngster?"

"Yes. Never stopped. And there are many married men who prefer it with another man. Many 'ave given up 'aving it with their missus'. I think only men know how to give pleasure to another cock. But I'm no expert on women in sex." This was said with a laugh. "That's what a lot of married men say."

"Yes. I've heard that as well."

"And Colin's first sex was with you, I gather?"

"Yes. I watched 'im growing up. I'm not really into youngsters, but there were something about him. He's always been a sexy devil. 'is Mum would be 'orrified to hear that. She were an old battleaxe in many ways. 'is Dad were great."

"I gather it took place in the barn?"

"Yes, in t'hay loft. It were a day I'll remember for the rest of my life. It was important for both of us. We 'ad a bit of a special relationship before, but that day sealed us together. His special to me. I am closer to 'im than I am to my sons, and I think I'm special to him."

"He's never shown me where it all took place," I said.

"Come on then. I'll show you."

We put our empty cups down in the sink, and Tom led the way over to a gate.

When we got to the gate we looked over into a small area between two buildings with a some fencing, and another gate the far side. "This is where t'bull was always put to t'cow. I were standing over there by t'fence, and our Colin was looking over the gate. He could just look over the top of it in them days. Though thinking about it, I think 'e may have been standing up on t'bottom rail of the gate. Watching a bull screw a cow always made me horny. Always got a 'ard on. I looked at our Colin, and I thought I could see a bulge in 'is trousers. Sure enough, when his father led t'bull away, he got down from t'gate, and 'e started getting 'is prick comfortable. I 'ad to do the same. So I walked over to 'im. 'Got a 'ard on then, Colin,' I asked. Cor you should have seen 'im. He went bright red. Like a beetroot. 'Its nothing to be ashamed of. I'm the same.' I stuck out my crotch so as he could see the bugle of my cock. He looked shocked, and then grinned at me. 'I always likes to toss myself off after bull has served t'cow. Like to join me?' He looked even more shocked, adjusted 'is cock again, and nodded. 'What about Dad?' he asked. So I said, 'He always goes into the farm office to enter the details of which cow, when and where. Paper work! I know somewhere he rarely goes,

and we'd hear 'im if he came into t'barn."

Tom looked at me and grinned. He then led the way over to a door in one of the farm buildings, opened it and went in.

"I led the way. Shut the door firmly. Put a bit of wood so as it would make a noise being forced open."

Tom led the way up a steep ladder to the hayloft above. It was quite large, and ran the length of the barn.

"It were like it is now. Some hay for t'beasts. I led over to far end, to give us more warning if 'is Dad came looking for us."

We walked over to the far end.

"When we got to about here, I unzipped myself and got my cock out, like this." As I watched, Tom unzipped himself, and pulled out his cock. Even in it half hard state, I could see it was a big one. His long uncircumcised cock hung like a piece of hose. There was a full foreskin, that was just beginning to reveal the head. It is not a articulately thick cock, but it certainly is long.

"Go on. Get your'un out. Our Colin says you've got a good un."

I felt like a naughty schoolboy as I unzipped myself and pulled out my fully hardened cock. As I watched, Tom's cock hardened and grew even longer.

"I see you're cut. That's make two cut and three uncut," said Tom.

"So Vic's cut then."

Tom took the one step necessary to get before me, his hand was immediately on my cock. I took hold of his monster. I immediately began to wonder what it would be like to be penetrated by it. I was glad the not inconsiderable,

but yet smaller cocks of Colin and Kevin, had blazed that way.

"I ain't got no french letters on me today, so we cannot have a good fuck. But never mind. We can still enjoy ourselves."

He knelt down on the floor in front of me, and began to lick my cock, and when he had lubricated it to his satisfaction he put it into his mouth. His lips formed a soft ring round my penis as he moved his head up an down. The amount of friction was just right, tight but not too tight. It was most enjoyable. Before I came I pulled him up onto his feet, and we kissed. Then I knelt in front of him and managed to take as much as I could of his monster into my mouth.

"That's good Phil. We must certainly make you one of the countrymen. Our Kev said you gave a good blow job."

He undid his belt and loosened his trousers. I got my hand in and felt his balls. To my surprise they were quite small, certainly when compared with his cock. I fondled them, thinking again of the wide variety of cocks and balls that you find. He purred appreciatively.

"That's great, Phil. Anytime."

I continued, enjoying giving pleasure to Tom. Then there was the sound of the door being forced open down below. I stopped sucking.

Colin's voice came up, "Are you two at it up there?"

"Come on up," called Tom.

I tried to stop, feeling embarrassed at the prospect of Colin finding me servicing Tom. But when I tried to move, Tom's hand held me firmly in place. "'E won't mind," whispered Tom.

I heard Colin climb the ladder, but could not see him come up and join us.

"My word! You two don't waste anytime. My back is turned for a couple of minutes and you're both at it, like a couple of randy rabbits. But carry on enjoy yourselves." He undid his trousers and got his cock out, and came and stood next to me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Tom get hold of Colin's prick.

"And how is this old friend of mine today," said Tom as he began to wank away at Colin. "You've found a treasure here. He's as great as you said. 'Is birthday's in July, I think full membership of t'Countrymen would make a suitable birthday present. What do you think?"

"Good idea. We'll fix it."

I tried to stop and join in the conversation, but Tom's hands held me firm. "Just you carry on mate. I'm really enjoying this."

I too was enjoying it. Tom began to leak copious quantities of precum, and it tasted good. Then Colin gave me a slight push. "Now let me have a go. Its been over a week since Tom and I have got together. That's a very long time for both of us."

I stood up, and Tom promptly got hold of my cock and started tossing me off. Colin got on his knees and continued work on Tom. This went on for several minutes, and then Colin looked up at us both. "And who is going to fuck who?"

Tom and I looked at each other. Neither of us had any condoms on us.

Colin must have seen that we were not equipped by the look on our faces. "You're a couple of silly buggers coming up here without the necessary. It wouldn't have been like that if young Kevin had been with us." He paused. Then with a broad grin reached into his pocket and brought out a handful of condoms and lube packets. "When I found you weren't in the house, I popped upstairs and got the necessary. Lucky I did."

"'Is a good lad, our Colin. Thinks of everything," said Tom.

"Yea. I'm more than just a pretty face," replied Colin. He stuck his tongue out at Tom. "But seriously, who's going to fuck who?"

"Let's have a Phil sandwich," suggested Tom.

"Good idea," responded Colin.

"What does that involve?" I asked.

"I'll fuck you, and you can fuck our Colin. We'll do it standing here. You'll be in the middle."

"Does it work?" I asked.

"Sometimes better than others," replied Colin. "You'll have to stand as still as you can. Tom and I'll have to get synchronised. He must push the same time as I push back on to you. Then the same time we both move out. If we don't get it synchronised you get pushed one way and then the other, and cocks'll slip out."

"It sounds as though I'm going to be some sort of gear box," I said.

"Yea, you're going to 'ave my gear in you." said Tom

" And you, Tom," said Colin, "will need to get something to stand on, else your cock will be between Phil's knees."

"Cheeky bugger! I'm not that small." But Tom bent down and removed his trousers which we round his feet by this time. Then in just his shirt, and with his cock sticking out proudly in front, he disappeared down the ladder.

Colin and I both removed our trousers to give us more freedom to move. It was not quite warm enough to remove what we were wearing on our tops. Soon Tom came back up the ladder carrying a small seed box and some pieces of wood. He made me stand by them, and then worked out what was necessary to make him stand at the right height. We then got ourselves ready. Tom put a condom on his cock and lubricated it. Colin prepared his arse for my prick.

I put on a condom, and then began to prepare my bum for Tom's huge tool. Colin then lubed my cock.

"All kitted up and greased?" asked Colin. "You first Tom."

I bent slightly forward, and felt Tom's cock against my puckered portal. He pushed, and I relaxed and tried to push out. He was soon in, and without much pain. My bum was getting used to being penetrated again. Very slowly, with the experience of many years Tom began to push in. He clasped my hips and pulled.

"That's about reached my liver."

"There's a lot lot more of it is go," said Tom, as his cock continued to enter.

"I think it is beginning to tickle my tonsils."

"Just about there." I felt Tom's pubes against my bum, and his prickly hair. "Docking complete, Colin."

I stood up as straight as I could. Colin backed up to me, and reached round to hold my cock. When he had got it positioned as he wanted it, he pushed back, and I felt it go in.

"It feels back home," I said.

"Now for the difficult part," said Colin.

It took several goes before they got synchronised. Tom's cock slipped out once and mine out of Colin a couple of times. There was much laughter at each failure. Eventually I discovered just how still I had to stand, as the other two got their movements synchronised.

We must have made an amusing sight, if there had been any one to watch. The three of us, with shirts and pullovers on our tops and nothing on below.

Perhaps it looked like some primitive war dance, or pagan fertility rite. I cannot say it was my greatest sexual experience. I am not particularly eager to try it again. But I suppose there are ways of learning from a slightly negative experience as well as from the positive.

I came first, and soon afterwards Tom. Colin seemed to have missed out again. As we broke apart I told him, "I'll make it up to you later."

We got ourselves sorted, and stood chatting for a moment or two.

Tom looked at his watch. "I must be going, Jenny will be expecting me, and I'll need a shower when I get in."

He gave Colin a farewell hug and kiss. Then he turned to me. "I look forward to you joining us proper like. And getting to know you."

"Do you ever come into York alone," I asked.

"Not very often; why."

"When you next come in, come and look me up. Like Kev did on Monday."

"Good idea," said Colin. "I know, I'll have to find a reason to send you into town, so that you'll be able to call on Phil for some refreshment."

"Okay, then boss. All sorts of refreshment sounds good," said Tom, rubbing his crotch. "Till then." he gave me a kiss and hug and went down the ladder.

I turned to Colin, "So this was where it first happened for you?"

"This hay loft has a special place in my story. Not just that first time. There were many times up until Mum died. Then we had the warmth and comfort of the house."

Colin and I then followed Tom down the ladder taking the debris of our activity away with us.

We walked over to the house. As we walked across, Colin caught hold of my hand. That simple act meant a lot to me.

I squeezed his hand, and said, "Thank you."

"What for?"

"Just that. Holding my hand."

We stopped half way across and gave each other a kiss. "Be damned if anyone sees," said Colin.

"Especially your aunt!"

"Aye. Especially my aunt."

We went into the house. First, we had a shower. We soaped each other, and just enjoyed our closeness. I offered Tom some further attention but he declined, saying that he wanted to save it all until later. We dried each other, and went down to get the meal. I now knew my way around and was able to be a positive help. Soon we were sitting down at the kitchen table eating our food.

We had the usual review of the day and events since we had last been together.

"I look forward to getting to know Tom better."

"Yea. I'll send him into town from time to time. I don't know why I hadn't thought of letting him do some of those sorts of errands before. The fact I sent him will not worry Jenny."

"What she like?"

"Good sort. Hard working. Excellent Mum to their bairns. Devoted to them,

and now to the grandbairns. Tom is looked after and finds his sexual fulfilment elsewhere. She doesn't want it, it seems. Tom gives her security."

"All very convenient for them both."

"It wasn't like that for you and your wife then?"

"No."

"Did you have a lot of gay fun before you was wed? You told Kev and me about your school days."

"Well! In those far off days we had to do National Service. I opted for the army."

"So did Tom. He had to do it. You must have been in the army about the same time."

"I more or less went straight from school into army for my National Service.

Two years it was at that stage. The Korean War had made it longer. Immediately after the war National Service was just for a year, and then eighteen months, and finally two years."

"Tom is full of stories about what he got up to in the army. You'll soon be hearing them all."

"Sex goings on?" I asked.

"Yea. What did you get up to?"

"Nothing in that line. For one thing I was scared stiff of getting caught. I knew it was a serious matter. Dishonourable discharge and all that. Also, I got a commission, so as an officer as well, I had to be doubly careful. Saw some nice looking guys. Several times some nice looking guys taking showers. But just didn't dare risk it. I put the 'no go' notices up."

"Did you find that difficult?"

"Yes and no. Yes, in the sense that I missed having it off with a nice guy. But no, in the sense that being an officer life was very different, and so incredibly busy. I did however meet up with John Ducat each time I was home on leave."

"Didn't he have to do National Service?"

"No. For some medical reason or another he was exempt. He got a job up in London, and got his own place away from his home. Often when I got a short weekend leave I'd stay with him rather than go home. We used to spend most of the time in bed. Sleeping and sex, I needed a great deal of both. This went on for the first eighteen months of my army days, and then he was offered a job by the company he worked for over in Canada. Big thing to get in those days. So off he went. We corresponded for a while, and then drifted apart. Don't know where he is now."

"So what did you do after National Service. Go to University?"

"No I hadn't done well enough at school for that. Like many of my school associates I got a job in the city."

Colin looked mystified so I explained. "Sorry, a 'job in the city' is southern speak for working in the City of London, usually in something to do with money."

"What? In a bank or something?"

"Bank, or insurance, or the legal side to do with both."

"But to get back to what we were talking about. Were you still wanting men after the army. Did you have any other guys?" asked Colin.

"No none until well after I got married."

"Did you not want it then?"

"Yes, I think I did want it. But having gone without it for a while and living a different sort of life, a working life, it was all very different.

I was not sure about how or where to go about it. Remember it was still illegal in those days. The police operated agents provocateurs, so cruising was dangerous. There weren't any gay pubs and clubs like there are now. At least I did not know of any. But I knew that if I was sexually attracted at all it was really to men."

"So why exactly did you get wed then?"

"A good question! I have thought about it a lot over the years. Variety of reasons. When I stopped having it off with John Ducat I had to manage on my own. I tossed myself off a lot, but I did begin to wonder if all that school activity, and with John, was not just a passing phase. I thought I might be growing out of it. Remember it was all pre Wolfendon days. Gay sex was still very illegal, you could go to prison for it and all that. Then all my friends seemed to be getting married. After the army I seemed to be going to a wedding almost every month. Friends began to ask me when I was going to get married. Once a guy finds a woman he becomes a match maker. These friends were always trying to introduce me to one of their wife's girl friends who would suit me. They'd ask me round for a meal, and there would be this unattached friend of the wife there. My parents were obviously hoping. My Mum, like yours, wanted to have grandchildren."

I looked at Colin. "I think things were that bit different when I was in my twenties and when you were. As they are different again for young Kevin. In my young days is was rare for a man not to marry. In your time it was just unusual. Today it is quite common to find men who are not married. It is quite acceptable for a straight man to be unmarried."

I paused for a moment. "Then I met Sue."

"How did you meet her?"

"At a party organised by one of those friends. Sue and I were introduced. Things were still done proper like in those days. We talked, and obviously had a lot in common. We both worked in the financial sector. We both liked serious walking. Travel on the continent was just opening up after the war years. I had been walking on a couple of holidays in France and Italy. She'd been to Switzerland once, but had done a lot in the Lakes and Scotland. I hadn't been to Scotland but had done quite a bit in the Lakes and Wales. Then a couple of weeks later we were both at another party. We almost greeted each other like old friends. Relief I think that there was somebody we knew apart from the hosts. One of us, I forget who made a tentative suggestion about going for a walk in Epping Forest. And that's what happened."

"A friendship based on walking boots?" said Colin, and we both laughed.

"We had a great day walking from Chingford station to Connaught Waters and on to High Beech and then over to Loughton. We got on well together. So we fixed up to do it again. Then we started going to the cinema or to the theatre together. Soon we were being invited to parties as a couple. We were recognised as a couple. We did get on well. So ten months after first meeting we were engaged. Looking back on that, I think we more or less drifted into it."

"Do you regret it?"

"You're asking some difficult question tonight, Colin. I must give a yes and no answer. Yes, if I'd known myself then as I know myself now, then I'd certainly not have got married. I say that for my own sake, but also for Sue's sake. Marrying a gay man did not make life easy for her. But there is a no also to your question. I cannot regret being the father of children. They are a great joy to me, and now of course, there are the grand kids. Sometimes I feel guilty that I have had the best of both worlds."

"I don't think you can say that. You had to work it all out in yourself. And as you say there is your wife. There is an element of feeling guilty about the suffering that you've put her through."

"That's true. There are very few gay men that have not suffered in some way or another through being gay. It may be like Kevin at school. Vic's been through a heck of a lot."

"He's now the one I haven't met."

"Yea. He'll tell you his own story I am sure, if you ask. But my suffering has been slight compared with those two. But it was there in having to keep the truth about myself hidden from my parents, and dealing with the pressures to get married. I think of all the Countrymen Tom, strangely enough, has suffered least."

"Yet he's married."

"True. But Tom is such a positive guy. He's never felt guilty about his sexuality. Never felt guilty about going with men, even in the sexually active days in his marriage. It is all a natural fact of life for him. Yet he's not a shallow superficial man. There is a lot of sound common sense in Tom. Not education. He's not like you or Vic in that respect. But there is a sort of wisdom in Tom."

"I felt that just meeting him today. You were very lucky to have him around."

"He's been many roles in my life, - friend, - counsellor, - father figure, - teacher, as well as lover."

"It is very rare to find a gay man who has not guilt or self pity lurking around some where in their make up. Especially in older men. One of the good things of the present is that there is less of it for the youngsters. It is more acceptable to be gay."

"Unless you are caught up with some form of hard line religion?" saaid Colin.

"Don't mention that to me."

"Before we start discussing that interesting area, let's get back to your marriage. How soon did you begin to regret it?"

"I think fairly soon. Within the first two or three years. I realised that getting married had not dealt with my desires for gay sex. They were still there. The novelty of sex with a woman was strong during those early years."

"Did you have any sex before you were married? I hope you don't mind me asking these very personal questions."

"No. Not at all." I reached across the kitchen table and squeezed his hand. "You're my friend. I want nothing to hide from you. Ask away. Some of your questions are making me think. That is always good for one. My little grey cells could do with some exercise! But to get back to your question. No our first real sex was on our honeymoon. Went up to the Lakes. We had gone some way towards having sex during our engagement. I got to feel her breasts. I took her hand and made her hold my cock. She was very reluctant about it the first time. She actually tossed me off once."

"And you enjoyed it?" asked Colin.

"Yes, I did. I enjoyed her breasts. Just touching them and kissing them. But she did not know really how to deal with my cock."

"So how do rate your married sex life?"

"Quite good to begin with. I think we both enjoyed it. It was all absolutely straight sex. Usually missionary position, only occasionally some other position. I think she was a bit uncertain about the morality of doing it other ways."

"Was she a church goer?"

"No, she was not. Though her parents were, and had a very strict and narrow view on sexual matters. I think that had rubbed off on her, and that was the reason we didn't get very far before we were married."

"Did she ever give you a blow job, for example?"

"No way. I once raised the subject, and she was absolutely horrified. 'How revolting! Do people really do that? I could never do it.' So the subject was closed."

"When did you begin to realise the gay side of you was still around?"

"After a year or so. I found an old gay book tucked away among my things. I glanced at it, then started reading it, and my prick hardened, and I began to wonder. Looking back at it, the book was very mild stuff compared with what is around today. Then I found myself looking over guys again, like I used to before I was married. I should think by the time both children had arrived I was pretty certain that I preferred gay sex. Though it was sometime later that I started being active again."

"And she never knew?"

I hung my head for a moment, before looking Colin in the face. "I am afraid I think I told you a lie when we first met. I think I told you that she never knew. I am sorry. Yes, she knew. I told her."

"You told her?"

"Yea, I told her. About a year before our daughter, our youngest offspring, left home to go to University, Sue told me that she thought the marriage was not working, and that when Melanie left home, she was going to leave me."

"Did it come as a shock?"

"I was surprised. I didn't think she'd got that far in her thinking. But deep down I knew she was right, and I was glad. I would be free."

"So did you tell her there and then?"

"No. Our separation was very amicable. Legally we are still just living apart. She has never asked me for a divorce, and I have never asked her for one. We were very civilised. Originally we decided that I would buy out her half of the house, and divide things equitably between us. She had been going out to work and had got some money, I had some too. We agreed to go halves between us. The financial side was the easy part. It was a little more difficult over the goods and chattels. You know, this table, that picture, and of course, the photographs. They were really hard to divide. We both wanted the same ones. But then just before we did the paper work, I was moved in my job. Up to Nottingham. So we did it the other way round, she kept the house, and I bought a smaller place in Nottingham. "

"So when did you tell her?"

"It was about three weeks before the final break. We were sitting having coffee in the kitchen. We had been clearing out things, and it had been an amicable session. Sue suddenly said, 'I have long thought there was something wrong with our marriage. In some ways we got on well. I suppose we have been good friends. But in another way I feel I have never got to know you. Often, from quite early on, especially when we were having sex you seemed to be absent. You seemed to be elsewhere. I wondered where was the real you.' I was silent for quite a while. 'Do you want to know the reason why?' I said. She looked up at me quite sharply, 'You know a reason?' 'Yes, I know the reason. I'm gay1 I'm a homosexual!' The word gay was being used by then. 'You're what?' she said in surprise. Then she thought for a moment, before saying very softly, 'Thank you for telling me.

That makes a lot of difference. For years I have blamed myself and felt guilty about our marriage. Your telling me makes me realise it was not all my fault.' 'No Sue, in no way is it your fault, it is my fault.' We then talked it all over, and reviewed our marriage in the light of that information. She asked me when I knew, and I told her the story. All of it, school days, National Service and John Ducat. How when we'd got married I'd thought and hoped it had been just a passing phase. A teenage thing that so many boys went through, and how that for me it seemed different, it had not gone away. I told her the whole story, much as I am telling you. I didn't go into the details, like I expect you'll want me to." I said that with a grin.

"Are there some sordid details coming?"

"Yes, if you want them."

"Then get on with the story, man. What was her reaction?"

"She said, 'Phil, it must have been very hard for you. Why didn't you tell me before?' 'Sue dear, it is not easy to tell your wife that you'd prefer sex with another man rather than with her. I think we are doing the right thing.' She put down her coffee cup on the table, and came round and put her arms round me. 'Thank you for telling me. Thank you for the kids, and thank you for all the good times, there have been many of them.' I started crying, and we stood there hugging each other. I realised just how much she had suffered because of my sexuality. I still bear that, Colin."

I began to weep again with the memory of that day, and the pain I'd caused Sue through those years. Colin came round the table and put his arms round me.

"Thank you for telling me. I am sorry if my questions, my poking my nose in, has hurt you. I wouldn't have asked if I'd known."

I put an arm round him. "I'm glad I've told you. It is an important part of my story, of my past. I'm glad you know. That's what friends are for."

I sat at the table my head in my hands and the tears running down my face. Colin was kneeling at my side, his arms round me. Eventually the tears ceased to flow, and I took that deep shuddering breath that so often marks the end of tears. He kissed my neck. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please." He got up and went across the kitchen to make some coffee.

When the coffee was made we adjourned to the sitting room, and sat down on the settee close together.

"Sorry I probed," said Colin.

"I am glad you did. You now know the truth. You know too there is still some guilt there, about what I did to Sue."

"Do you ever see her?"

"Oh yes, from time to time. Family parties, grandchildren's naming parties, in place of the old christening, you know. We exchange Christmas cards."

"Does she ask about your sex life"

With I laugh I said, "No."

"Has she had any affairs, do you know?"

"I think from what Melanie said to me once that there has been at least one other guy with whom she had more than a platonic friendship."

"Can I continue the grand inquisition?"

"Yes, fire away. I don't think there is anything you would ask that I wouldn't want to tell you. I don't have a criminal record. I have never been inside."

"Except in the closet!" interjected Colin quickly, and we both laughed.

"Oh I was once had up for speeding, years ago!"

"How terrible, I don't know that we can continue our friendship then!" We laughed again, and then had a good hug and exchanged kisses.

"You asked about sexual activity after getting married. Well, I discovered that gay book and read it. I got a real hard on. It was an important moment when I realised I was still attracted to men, the story I read turned me on. I put it away in the bottom of the box of things where it had been for years. But I found myself going back to read a bit of it from time to time. I then starting tossing myself off while I read. I felt guilty about that. I felt that I was depriving Sue of something that was rightfully hers. I began to realise that if ever the temptation came I would find it difficult to say no."

"So did you go out looking for it? Cottaging. Or going to gay bars etc? There must have been some by then, certainly in London."

"No, I didn't go looking for it. It came to me."

"How?"

"It, or rather he, came to me at the office. As I have told you I worked in the City. In one of those new tower blocks that were beginning to go up. As I have said I was in a merchant bank. It was quite big. Several hundred employed, lots of departments. I worked in a particular office with four other guys. In those days they were a staid respectable lot. It was all dark suits and neatly rolled umbrellas."

"No! You in that gear!"

"Yes, it was like a uniform." We laughed. "Then a new guy started working in another department. There was something about him, the first time I saw him."

"Tall, slim, muscular, blond, a real tasty hunk?"

"No not at all. He was short. Probably just a little taller than Tom. Slim yes, dark hair, that was always untidy. He wore quite thick glasses, which he kept pushing back up his nose. His nose was large, and ears stuck out from the sides of his head. He was certainly no oil painting."

"So what was special about him?"

"His smile. I was dealing with some matter, and I wanted to know who was dealing with a particular firm's business in that department. The guy who had done it for donkey's years, had just retired. So I went into the room, and asked aloud, "Who's now dealing with Arbroath and Co's affairs. This guy turned round and with a smile said, "I believe I am. Can I help?" It was the smile. It transformed his face. His weak eyes, rather long nose, suddenly brightened with his smile. I thought, he looks a good chap. He wasn't able to much help, and I had to do a lot of work finding out things his predecessor would have had at his finger tips. I suppose about once a week on average, he'd come to me about something, or I'd to go to him. It was a purely business relationship."

"What was his name?"

"Steve." I paused. "Then something rather silly happened." I felt slightly embarrassed even telling Colin.

He must have detected my hesitation. "And? What happened?"

"We were both in the gent's toilet. Standing next to each other at the urinal. There were no others there. We both tried to get a glimpse of each other's cock. At the same time both realised the other was doing it as well. Steve leaned across and whispered, "Just like dirty little schoolboys trying to find out who's got the biggest one."

"I'll bring a ruler along next time," I said, and we both laughed. "It became a sort of standing joke between us. One would say, 'Have you brought the ruler?' or 'I've forgotten that ruler again.' All very silly really."

"Not at all, private jokes are a part of life, and part of a relationship."

"We then really started to getting to know each other. Most days we would sit together for our midday meal. There was an office canteen. We would talk about all sorts of things. I soon found out he was not married. He knew I was. We'd talk about work, holidays, politics, almost anything. Then we started going out for a pub lunch about once a week. It cost more, but we could talk more freely, certainly about some of the old fogies in the office."

"Did you think he was gay?"

"I did wonder once or twice, but at that stage I just wasn't interested in him in that way. There didn't seem to be any sexual magnetism about him."

"So you were able to build up quite a friendship then?"

"Yes, it was a good foundation for what followed."

"And what did follow?" asked Colin.

"The next stage started in the middle of a Thursday afternoon when one of the great white chiefs, one of the directors, came down with some important rush job. Arbroath and Co it was again. He said that he was afraid it was going to take us until into the early evening, but it was essential to get things into the post that night. No faxes even then. Not that it would have made much difference, the paper work still had to be done. The great white chief said that his secretary would do the typing and he naturally had to stay to sign the documents before posting. This meant Steve and I getting together. I rang Sue to tell her to expect me when she saw me. We had to find out a lot of information. In those days it was not all on computer, and the question of pressing the right keys and all the information there just as you wanted it. It was files and masses of paper. Sometimes we had to sit together, often we were doing separate jobs. I remember once when we were having to sit close together feeling the warmth of his leg against mine, and just for moment thinking that feels nice. But I was too busy to dwell on the thought. Then the office began to empty, as the other guys went off home. There was a certain amount of running up and down stairs with pieces of paper as we slowly got the work done. The boss's secretary was kept busy at her typewriter. I remember once I had to reach for a piece of paper in front of him, and to steady myself I put my arm round his shoulder, we looked at each other and grinned. About 7.30pm we were done and there were the final papers to take up. To make sure that we were indeed through with the job we both went up to the great white chief's office. While his secretary typed it out and he read through it for a final time. He offered us a glass of sherry. Steve and I thought we had deserved it. At that hour there was no porter to take the post, only the night-watchmen and a few cleaners around. The secretary asked, 'Do you want me to take it to the post?' 'No, you've done enough and its late. I'll take it round to the sorting office.' Then Steve speaks up, 'I've got to go that way on my way home, I'll take it if you like.' This was accepted. We all trooped down to the mailing room, where it was weighed, and put in the franking machine. For some reason or other I said to Steve, 'I'll walk round with you, its not far out of my way.' So we did just that."

"No sordid sex in the empty office then?" said Colin.

"No! You're just a dirty minded man with your tongue hanging out for the hot bits."

"Not my tongue. Another part of my anatomy maybe." We laughed. "Get on with your story."

"When we had posted it. Steve suggested a drink. I accepted and we went into the nearest pub. It was still early evening and the place was nearly empty. We took our drinks to a table in a corner and sat down. We chatted about the work we had just done. I asked him where he lived. 'I live alone, in a rather grotty attic. Not far from here' He asked me what it was like living out in a London suburb. I told him about Walthamstow where we were then living. It was strange in some ways, it was one of those small tables. Our legs kept touching. To begin with it was not deliberate for either of us, because we had both pulled away when the other's leg had touched. Then I realised that had stopped, and our legs remained touching.

I have often tried to remember exactly what happened next, and who did what and when. There were those delightful slight movements, deliberate now, with our legs. Then our hands touched, and they remained touching. Steve with a finger lightly stroked my hand. We looked at each other, and that wonderful grin spread slowly across his face. It was a moment of truth. We both knew, though neither of us said anything. We just looked at each other. He gave a slight cough clearing his throat, 'Can you come back to my place?' I looked at my watch. I remembered what I'd said to Sue. In a rather husky voice I said, Yes.' We smiled again. Stood up and finished our beers, and quickly left the pub. It was only a ten minute walk to his place. We had walked to the sorting office well appart, the walk to his place was different. We really hurried and walked close to each other. Our arms kept brushing each other."

"You didn't hold hands or anything?"

"Good Lord, no. No way. We may have been near the end of the dark ages, but no way would any two men show affection to each other in public. He lived at the top of one of those narrow houses. His flat had been converted out of three servant's bedrooms. It was a small flat, very small. Tiny bedroom, tiny sitting room, and a bathroom and kitchen half the size of each of the other two rooms. He had led the way up the stairs. The final flight was very steep and narrow. I stood on the stairs just below him as he unlocked his own front door. He led the way into his sitting room. He turned to face me as I followed him. There was just a moment of hesitation and then we were in each others arms. Overcoats were discarded so we could get closer. We kissed, real passionate hungry kisses. I felt my old man stiffen. Soon felt his the same. He pulled his face away from me, and we looked into each other's eyes. He had a questioning look on his face. I nodded, and he took me by the arm and led me into his bedroom. He

started to take of my jacket, and I did the same to him. Coats off, then we whipped our own ties off. We unbuttoned out own shirts, and for both of us our fingers became all fingers and thumbs. As each garment came off it we flung it aside in haste. We stood there bare chested looking at each other. I briefly saw a man with almost no body hair, but still slightly bronzed from seeing some summer sun. We again hugged each other, both enjoying the warmth of our chests and arms together. I reached down to start undoing his trousers, but he took over from me. So I undid my own and lowered them to the floor and kicked them to one side. We stood there just in our socks and underpants for the briefest of moments. They were the old fashioned white underpants that have disappeared with the ark. Both of us were showing a bulge where our penises were very erect and pushing the fabric out. Then as if by a starter's gun we both bent down at the same time removing our own and yet both eyes fully on the other."

"And who had the biggest cock?"

"Do you know, we never worked that out. I think we were much the same. We continued to joke about getting a ruler, in the months that followed. But we had no time for that sort of thing that evening. We fell again into each other arms, kissing, hugging, feeling each other's buttocks, and our cocks pressed close together. We couldn't get close to each other enough. It was a wonderful few minutes. Then he began to push me towards the bed. I felt it on the back of my legs. He kept pushing and I fell backwards on to the bed, and he was on top. We somehow got further on to the bed, with him still on top. Our movements together were hurried and passionate. We just could not touch each other enough. It was all quite frantic, hands, feet, legs and arms moving against each other. We were both thrusting our cocks at each other. Suddenly I realised I was fast approaching the point of no return. 'I'm going to shoot,' I said. 'So am I,' said Steve. My cock throbbed and I felt what seemed gallons of spunk pouring out in great gushes. As I began to cease Steve reached his peak and I felt his whole body stiffen, and then his cock jerked and it seemed gallons of hot cum poured out of him. There seemed masses of it, it all mixed together with mine. I felt it run down my sides onto the bed below me. We lay there, panting and exhausted for several minutes. Slowly we came to. 'That was something!' said Steve. 'Thank you, thank you,' I said pulling his head down for yet another kiss."

"That sounds as though it was something," said Colin.

"It was. I don't think we'd been in his flat for much more than five minutes when we both shot our loads. We lay there with the spunk cooling and drying on our stomachs. We just lay there, exhausted, deliriously happy. It was totally fulfilling. We did talk a little. I know I told him that it was my first time with a man for nearly ten years."

"As long as that. How did you feel about it?"

"I felt wonderful. I felt as though I had come home. I felt as though I had really discovered myself. This was what was being true to myself. I realised I had always really wanted sex with men."

"Did you feel guilty?"

"Not immediately. I did sometime afterwards, when I got home. But it was so wonderful. They talk about the earth moving, I think that for both of us the earth moved that evening. We'd done so little. We'd both come so quickly, like a couple of inexperienced schoolboys. We hadn't even touched each others cocks with our hands. There was no real sex in the sense of a good blow job, or some good screwing. We talked very little and then he said, 'You'll have to be going. You've a wife and family to get back to.' We cleaned ourselves up, got dressed, and I was soon on my way."

"What happened when you got home?"

"The journey back home was a mixture of elation, doubt and guilt. Those three emotions swirled around in me. I felt as I'd never felt before, I realised I'd fallen head over heels in love with Steve. I tried to tell myself I was stupid. But there was that in me that wanted to get the train in the other direction and to go back to him for more. Then there was doubt. His words 'You'll have to be going...a wife and family.' Was he wanting to get rid of me? Had I failed? Sexually it had been a strange experience, more like a couple of school boys than a couple of grown up men. Then there was my wife and kids, what had I done to them. I loved my wife, to quite a large degree. I certainly loved my children. I knew I couldn't ever just walk out on them."

I paused before continuing. "Sue was surprised at how late I was. But I explained that we'd had a big last minute job to do."

"Cor! You certainly had some problems!" said Colin.

"Yes! What was I to do as a married man with two wonderful children who had just had sex with another man, and had fallen in love with him."

Author's note:- When I started to write this I thought it would consit of 4 parts! Now I can see that it will gt into double figures. These Countrymen are taking over. Thanks for comments. Jeff at jeffyrks@hotmail.com