Dan and Ben at Sixty

Dan and Ben at Sixty By Ezra Randle

Several weeks later, Dan and Ben went out to eat on a Friday at Terry's Horn, mostly to hear the singer from Chicago, Franny Foncuso. She was accompanied by just a pianist and sang a mix of her renditions of pop songs and standards, catering to a wide audience. At the end of her first set, Ben spoke with her and asked if she would add more of the standards in the next set. She laughed. "You like that old stuff?"

"Lots of us do."

"Yeah. I prefer them, too. We'll make a few changes in the second set. To honor your request."

"Thanks. That's very a sweet of you."

Ben dropped two twenties into the cup sitting on top of the piano.

Franny Foncuso began her final set with the announcement that she was working on a new CD featuring all Irving Berlin songs. "We hadn't planned on singing them tonight as they are still works in progress in the studio. But they'll be just right for an intimate audience that loves his music." As she looked out at the crowd, Dan thought she was thirty-five. Almost too young to be singing the songs that demanded more maturity. She started out with several upbeat numbers, "Isn't This a Lovely Day" and "Blue Skies." Then she shifted into a series of ballads. As she sang songs like "Be Careful, It's My Heart" and "I Got Lost in His Arms," Ben started singing along in his soft baritone. Dan smiled and joined him in "What'll I Do." Two men at the next table added their voices when she sang, "How Deep is the Ocean." Soon half of the audience joined in as she sang such oldies as "Count Your Blessings" and "Always." Franny was grinning broadly as the singing contagion spread throughout the night club, as if she'd never had so much fun performing in her life. Her pianist, in the spirit of the night, riffed through a jazzy version of "Easter Parade," then Franny said, "Easter is just around the corner. Everyone ready?"

She sang through it several times and most of two hundred in the crowd sang along and with gusto. They applauded wildly when she finished. Dan rushed up to the stage and spoke with her again. "We have a request for a reprise of `Blue Skies' now that your voices are warmed up."

As she sang the song in a very straight forward version, the crowd joined in loudly. Danny squeezed Ben's hand, in the process reminding him of their night in Eau Claire when they had sung an hour's worth of standards in their motel room, then slept together afterward. There was so much joy in Terry's Horn that Franny had difficulty settling them down for her closing song. The pianist riffed through "My Buddy" several times as Franny thanked everyone especially for the unexpected joy of the sing-a-long in her last set. Someone from the audience yelled out, "Come back so we can do it again."

Franny said, "That would be great."

The owner Terry Bennett, an old jazz fixture around Madison, ran up to the stage. "Thanks, folks. It's been a long time since we had this much fun. Franny will be back. Sign your name on our email list so you can keep track of the events at the club."

The pianist resumed the melody lines of "My Buddy," and Franny said, "This is to all of you who have a buddy you're missing. Or maybe one you found tonight. Sing along if you know the words. Thanks again."

Dan hadn't heard the song for ages and had forgotten the words. Ben smiled so broadly he was convinced she had chosen this song just for him. She sang through the two short verses several times with piano twists on the melody in between. A quarter of the crowd sang along for the final round.

Nights are long since you went away

I think about you all the day

My buddy, my buddy, no buddy quite so true.

Miss your voice, the touch of your hand

Just long to know that you understand

My buddy, my buddy, your buddy misses you.

Amid the cheers at the end, several people had their handkerchiefs out wiping their eyes. Ben was one of them. He barely was able to sing the last few lines. Thoughts of Ellie came rushing in. He hadn't been thinking much of her for years. Though sometimes they talked at the house since Maureen's departure. He missed Gary as well, and part of him wished Gary were with them tonight. But he mostly thought of Danny and their separation and how, now, their resurgence of friendship made him feel whole again. It was all too overwhelming and he walked out the door and stood in the chilly weather. One of the men from the nearby table in the club approached him. "You OK?"

"O, yeah. Just a bit overwhelmed. The group sing and then that last song really kicked my ass, as they say."

The man smiled. "Hey, my name is Edward, and my partner and I had a brainstorm during the sing-a-long. He's a great pianist and we'd like to do the same thing with a few select people. You and your friend seemed to know all the songs. Maybe you'd join us?"

"Wow. I'd love to. Take my phone and punch your phone number in. Text me so I can add yours. I'm not really functioning right now, technologically speaking."

Edward handed him his phone back. "I'm not sure how this whole thing started tonight. But it was really fun."

"I simply asked her to play some more of the old songs. The standards. She did the rest."

"I think you were the first one to start singing. Very ballsy of you. The fact you could carry a tune really helped."

Ben laughed. "I'm basically a singing in the shower guy. But I do OK with a simple melody."

Edward shook his hand and walked off. Ben grinned broadly and wanted to embrace Danny as deeply as he could.

They drove back to Ben's house mostly in silence, still under the spell of "My Buddy." Dan had an almost piercing sensation that he needed to call Alex soon. He needed to tell him how much he loved him still, and that his marriage had taken a new direction. He was doubtful Alex had changed his mind about their separation, but he knew he had to reach out. Ben's thoughts about Gary wounded him. Though it had been just over two months since he had seen him, he knew Gary would have longed for him to the point where Gary would be angry or even putting himself back into a dating mode because they hadn't seen enough of each other. He decided on the spot, when they were halfway home that he needed to invite him to his house as soon as Gary had a free weekend. When Ben pulled into the driveway he said, "My offer of spending the night is still out there. It's quite late."

"I should stay."

They quickly showered and got into bed. It was just after midnight. "Ben, I might just go to sleep. Hope you understand."

"If you're like me, the song got to you. I thought of you as I sang the words. And Gary, too."

"Yup. I'm missing Alex. I'm going to reach out to him despite him telling me I shouldn't."

"Good. What do miss most?"

"Everything about him. That's nothing negative about you, Ben. What we've rediscovered is quite amazing. Especially, since it was so unexpected. But there is still a hole in my heart. You can't fill it. Probably I can't fill what you're feeling about Gary."

"You're right. It has nothing to do with what either one of us can or can't offer."

Dan chuckled. "How did you get to be so savvy about this sort of thing?"

"From years of missing you, fuckhead."

They laughed together and snuggled. "Danny, there's no shame in either one of us missing our lovers. I'm not a bit jealous. Hope you aren't."

Dan kissed him. "Thank you for being so understanding. You never fail to impress me even when you are an asshole. Which is something you've been in the past."

"Many times, my friend."

"What are you going to do about Gary? Head up there?"

"I'm going to invite him to stay with me for a weekend."

"Wow. That's stepping out."

"Yeah, we'll see how far I get with those dance steps."

Dan texted Alex the next day suggesting they meet for coffee or a drink. Alex quickly responded by inviting him over for dinner that night. Dan was shocked at Alex's eagerness, though he was grateful for it. It gave him the sense that when they met, Alex would be very open to at least discuss their current feelings about each other.

Alex made fresh bread, something Dan had not known was in his cooking repertoire, and that with a salad was a completely satisfying meal. They cleaned up and sat in the living room with a glass of wine. Dan was holding off on what he wanted to say until he felt Alex was ready, but Alex continued to putter around, getting up to check something in the kitchen after they sat down--twice in a row. Finally, Dan said, "We can talk whenever you're finally ready. I'm not sure if you are avoiding me or truly busy when you get up."

Alex grinned. "Yes. It's an avoidance strategy. That's what dinner was, too. Going through the ordeal of making bread on one of my few days off."

"Sorry to make you feel so uneasy. I thought when you invited me over you were comfortable with us again."

Alex shifted over to the sofa so he was closer to Dan. "It's me, one hundred percent. Trying to control what happens here when I should just let things be. So we can tell each other how we're feeling. Can I ask first, are you still upset with me?" Alex said.

"Much better with that. I've always understood your reasoning. But that didn't prevent me from feeling rejected. These three months have helped me accept it quite a bit."

"When you reached out to me this morning, I figured it was different. That we could talk without getting upset."

"What about you, Alex? Are you still feeling the same about ending things?"

"Yes and no. I know it's the best thing. The smartest thing. But I still have strong feelings for you."

"And you're horny as well?"

Alex laughed. "Yes, I am. But let me explain that. When we started having sex, after maybe three or four times, I realized I was becoming a very different person. Sexually speaking. Everything before that was just hesitant baby steps. I hadn't realized how unfulfilled I'd always been with every sexual partner. Whether that had been my wife or the small number of men I've been with. You tapped into something. Then unleashed the sensations. I've realized all that much more over this stretch of months. When I haven't been getting any, so to speak."

"You told me some of that when we were together."

"Yes, I know. But figuring it out more clearly has come during your absence. And something else has occurred to me. Bothered me. If I don't keep having sex on a somewhat regular basis this sexual enlightenment will shrivel up. I already feel that happening."

"Have you been seeing a therapist?"

"Yes and no."

"Seems like a pretty straightforward question."

"I saw a friend a couple of times. Just to talk."

"Good for you. Where does that leave us?"

"I'd like to resume as lovers. I'm sorry if my rationale seems very self-serving. It's not meant to be. When we were together I thought we were very generous lovers with each other."

"We were, Alex. Don't doubt that. Would it be just on occasions like this, when you're feeling horny? Or something like we had it before?"

"That's the part I'm stuck on. Do you still have strong feelings for me?"

"Yes. Very much. But you can surely understand my reluctance about meeting up for hot sex every few months and then not seeing each other again until the next round."

"That would be unfair of me. But if we resume what we were doing, I won't look for anyone new. That's my dilemma. You're with Jenny and I respect that. I can't expect any more from you."

Dan thought about telling him about the changes in Jenny's life, but he resisted. Jenny could change her mind any day, though that seemed unlikely. But three months or a year down the road might be a different story. Would she insist they continue as marriage partners despite her changed sexual interests? He thought about all those possibilities quite often. While he and Ben had been quite open about their marriages, he didn't think he wanted to bring Alex into that loop. Ben wasn't expecting any commitment because of Jenny's decisions. Alex likely would.

Dan smiled at him. Just as Alex wasn't sure how often they might meet, neither was he. Or which set of terms would bind them together in their developing relationship? As he gazed at Alex, he felt very confident he desired him and wanted to renew their relationship on that level as soon as Alex felt comfortable enough to lead him to the bedroom.

"I'd like to kiss you again, Alex. To show you how I feel. And to let you know my expectations for tonight, at least, are to enjoy you right now as much as possible."

Alex smiled back and leaned into him on the sofa. Dan pulled him into his arms and held him. The kiss was not tentative at all. As though they had just met a week ago and would a week later. "Boy, you feel good. You don't how much I've missed you," Alex said.

"Have you talked to anyone about your dilemma?"

"Just the friend I mentioned earlier. I considered a therapist, but that seemed very indulgent of me. Talking with the friend was just as good."

"Good for you. It's hard to keep it bottled up inside."

"How about you? Have you told anyone?"

"Just Ben. We've been meeting as friends on some Friday nights. He's easy to talk to."

"Yes, as you once told me, he understands matters of the heart very well."

They kissed for another five minutes. "Are you ready? Or do we need to talk some more?" Alex said.

Dan laughed. "That's a question I'd normally ask of you. I'm very ready. And I don't have to be anywhere when we're done."

"Good. I was hoping that was the case."

They took their time undressing each other. Like it was the first time. Touching each other at each stage. Alex's nipples seemed to stick out more than usual. "Have you been training these two," Dan asked.

"Just a bit. They are my companions when I masturbate. And they've given me some new surprises."

"Like what?"

"I really felt them trigger pleasures in my ass when I play with them. It was different without you being inside me."

"Did you use a toy?"

"Yes, I purchased a couple. The vibrator about your size is very nice. I had some wonderful sessions. Nothing like the real thing, but at least I kept the desires alive. Which is something I have to do. I don't want to become what I was before you came along. I could feel myself becoming that."

They undressed to their underwear, kissing as they did. Their cocks were erect as they slipped into bed. Then the arousal kicked in and their tongues went searching for more pleasure. "Dan, I've missed you so much. I can't begin to tell you how much."

Dan smiled but didn't respond. He continued to pleasure Alex until he was between his knees licking through his briefs, soaking them with his saliva, and pulling them off. Alex's cock was fiercely erect, tantalizing his oral desires and he descended upon it, licking and sucking it. Alex moaned loudly through it all, as he slid down so they each were sucking each other. It was like a first time in terms of intensity. After twenty minutes, they came up for air. "My, God, that was hot," Alex said.

"Yeah. You feel really good."

"Dan, would you please?"

Dan knew what Alex meant. The words had become Alex's signal for wanting Dan to top him. "I've wanted that from you for weeks."

Dan rolled Alex over and rimmed him, then played with his ass with his fingers. He reached for the lube and stretched him out, though as Alex had indicated, he was not especially tight. Alex rose up on all fours and slid to the edge of the bed. Dan teased with his hard cock at the entrance, before he slid in quite easily. Alex buried his faced into the pillow and moaned loudly. Dan thought of the last few times he and Alex had done this, and, more recently, of his time with Ben. He was not distracted when he thought of his old friend. In fact, it felt good to have the sensations of both as he made love with Alex. Any uncertainty he might have had with loving two men at the same time eased off. Just as Ben had encouraged him to do, he focused on the pleasure of making Alex enjoy his body more.

He slid in and out slowly, and with each thrust, Alex continued to moan and ask for more. Finally, they rolled into spooning position and Dan was able to rub Alex's nipples and belly as they fucked. "How are you doing, Alex?"

Alex eased back into Dan's body. "It feels so good to be close with you again. More than your cock inside me, I have been missing the closeness." Alex rubbed Dan's hand. "I sometimes think of us living together. And I could have you close to me with more frequency. It's just a fantasy...something I wish for. Nothing I expect. So, don't worry that I'm flipping out and going to demand more from you."

Dan thought again about telling him what had happened with Jenny, but he resisted. "Those are nice thoughts. You'd be a nice man to live with. Or even travel with for a week. Your capacity to want love and show it is very strong."

"Will you go as long as you can in this position?"

Dan laughed. "Can you hold back for a while?"

"I'll try despite being horny as all hell. I'm sure my cock is all wet from the leaking."

Dan felt it. "It is. So wet it's like it's already orgasmed."

"My body ached for you. Sometimes I'd wake in the middle of the night. Wanting you. My cock would be hard like I had been in a dream with you. I'd feel you just like this. You in me from behind."

"I know it's one of our favorite moments."

Alex moved his ass back and forth, sliding down on Dan's cock. "How bad is it that I never want to fuck you?" Alex asked.

"One of life's little pleasures."

"Do you ever want me inside you like this?"

"Not if you don't."

Dan began the slow mounting of Alex, increasing his hip motion more each time. "I'm going to take you."

Their eyes were both close as they progressed toward a climax. Alex spurted first. Thick cum in his hand that he licked and offered to Dan. Seeing the white viscosity made Dan even more aroused and he pushed hard. "Kiss my neck when you cum," Alex said.

Dan's felt the surge run from his groin to his thighs as he orgasmed deeply in Alex. "Jesus. It feels so good inside you. To cum like that inside you. My God. To know you want it that much overwhelms me."

They fell asleep in each other's arms. When Dan woke, Alex was still snoring.Should he stay the night? Two nights in a row when Jenny was still living in the house. Who knows if she came home last night? Or if she would tonight? Should he lead his life as though they were no more than roommates? No questions asked. He fell back to sleep feeling the warmth of Alex's body next to him and of his delightful home surrounding him, wondering for the first time if he might be destined to live here.