Dan and Ben at Sixty-two

Dan and Ben at Sixty-Two--Chapter Six By Ezra Randle

Dan postponed his conversation with Alex for several weeks and chose to ignore what he needed to discuss with him. Instead, they had harmonious nights together, usually on Wednesday and Saturday nights. Alex usually fixed dinner for Saturdays, but on Wednesdays Dan drove down right after he and Jerrod had supper. On a Wednesday evening, after finishing up a fish soup and salad, something Jerrad asked for religiously now that he was hooked into his weight loss program, Dan announced he was heading out soon. "I've told you before, Dad, I won't be offended if Alex spends the night with you here."

"I know. But everything is set up there. I'll head to work from his house and see you tomorrow at this time. You'll be OK?"

"Absolutely. But thanks for your concerns."

"Any plans?"

"Katrine might come over if she can get free. We're kind of hitting it off. Or maybe we'll phone later."

"That's great. I'd like to meet her."

When Dan arrived, Alex was dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants. His usual look after work. His thinning hair was still wet from the shower. They kissed and sat down on the bed. Dan was hesitant about starting a conversation because he knew he owed it to both of them not to ignore the elephant in the bedroom any longer, but he knew once he started that talk there might not be any sex that night--or for future nights. "How's Jerrad?"

"Pretty good. He's been dating a girl he met online. Big step."

Alex smiled. "How's the naturist program going?"

"It's mostly not, but sometimes after he showers, he'll walk around naked. Once or twice, he had dinner without clothes."

"Forgive me for being amused. I think it's very funny."

"Yeah, it is. I haven't told anyone but you. Are you interested in seeing him naked?"

"Slightly curious. He's a bit young for me to be interested."

"He's looking better. His weight loss is up to fifteen pounds. I can actually notice the difference."

"He and I do have that issue in common."

"Hey, Alex, tell me about Jorge. I think it's time to talk about it."

"I've told you we've had lunch a few times."

"Will you be truthful, please? I deserve that."

"One time I went back to his home. We played around."

"Just once?"

Alex paused. "OK. We're developing an ongoing thing. I didn't think you'd noticed given how preoccupied you are with Jerrod."

"Do you prefer being with him?"

"It's different than with you and me. And, yes, I enjoy him very much. I think you should understand that given the times you've been with Ben since we've been together."

"Would you prefer if I just step away? At least for a while so you can figure this out?"

"There's nothing really to figure out. I'm enjoying both of you, in different ways. I never had the chance to do this. When I saw Jorge and a few others after my divorce, I was such an incompetent lover. I couldn't even have an orgasm with a man. Do you remember our first time? You had to guide me so I let go. I was just a terrible lover. And now, thanks to you, I've been reborn as somebody who knows how to be a lover."

"You've gone that far with him?"

"Yes. Just oral right now. He'd like to try more. I've started taking PrEP."

Dan nodded. It was all such a shock even though he suspected exactly what Alex was telling him. Amid all the turmoil of Jerrad returning home, he had put Alex on the backburner, assuming when he needed him he'd be there. That Alex of all people would understand the psychological dimension of his attempts to rescue his son. That after the death of Marie, he'd have to do everything within the realm of the possible to not lose his last child. It wasn't his choice completely. He could have turned more of his attention to Jerrad over to Jenny. But Jerrad didn't feel comfortable around Jenny and Maureen. In fact he didn't like Maureen at all. So, the burden of resurrecting his son was squarely on his shoulders.

He patted Alex on the hand. Surprisingly he didn't feel that much pain. He was sure he would feel more of that as the days went by. "I'll be heading out. I need to think it through."

"I was hoping you'd see it another way."

"Maybe in time. I want to give you complete freedom to try it out. I'm preoccupied anyway. Winding up the school year and clearing out my office. Spending as much time with Jerrad as he needs. He's much better, so I'm not that overwhelmed by his unhappiness. It's not like I'm going to forget you. Jerrad asks about you, by the way. Wondering why you don't come over more. Like maybe he's to blame."

"Let him know I think about him. Which isn't a lie. I do but mostly when you're here talking about him. I wish you'd stay. But I understand. It's a different view of our relationship. For the first time since we've met, I'm the one with options."

They hugged before he left, but even in the privacy of his car where he usually let his true feelings emerge, Dan felt remarkably calm and patient. If he had to wait this one out, he could. If Alex called him in a few weeks, informing him that he was done seeing Jorge or looking for another adventure, he'd be able to fairly assess and talk to Alex about what to expect next. He called Ben, his usual fallback in crisis moments. Ben was out to dinner with Gary and a neighbor friend of his but he said he'd call back later. "Tomorrow is fine, Ben. No rush."

Jerrad had loud music playing when he came in, but it was Lorraine Duggins and not some head banging sounds Jerrad usually played. He looked for him in his room, but didn't see him. He checked the basement, but there was no sign of him. Finally, he turned down the music and called out. "I'm back here. In Marie's room."

Jerrad was sitting in the soft chair that was Marie's favorite. He and Jenny had thought about pitching it when they cleared out her possessions and clothes, but decided the memories of her sitting on it reading or gabbing on her phone were too dear. He thought Jerrad was naked but he was wearing a dark pair of loosely fitting gym shorts that blended into the blue fabric of the chair. "Why are you back, Dad?"

"Things didn't work out. So, I'm back for the night."

"Did you guys argue?"

"Not really. He's seeing someone else. He is willing to see me, too, but I'm not ready for that kind of arrangement."

"Wow. That's big. I'm sorry, Dad. I know how much he means to you."

"Thanks. What are you doing in her room?"

"I do this sometimes. Mostly when you're away. Trying to remember her as well as I can. I didn't do enough of that right after she died. I was too numbed. And Sylvia was never interested in talking about it. Helping me get through it. So, I never did go through it."

Dan sat on the bed, then stretched out. "What's a good memory of her?"

"I was maybe eleven so she would have been eight. We were playing in the backyard, running around. It was really humid. I turned on the hose so when she rounded the corner, I blasted her and got her soaked. I didn't mean to get her that wet, and I thought she'd run into the house and complain. But instead she jumped on me wrestling for control of the hose. Getting me pretty wet in the process. Finally she pulled the hose from me and I slipped on the wet grass. She soaked me. I mean she wouldn't stop. We were both laughing hysterically. Finally, mom came out and turned the water off."

"Very sweet. You could have told that story when you gave your eulogy at the memorial."

"I didn't remember it until just thirty minutes ago. Sitting here, thinking about her."

Jerrad started crying. "I really do miss her. I know if she were alive I'd hardly ever see her. She'd be doing something big in the Twin Cities. Maybe she'd be married to that guy Jeremy who came to the service. But right now, sitting here, I can remember us as kids. And how much I loved being with her."

Dan smiled at his son and let him weep as he recalled his sister. He had done his version of crying and remembering so often in the days after she died. He shed a few tears, too, but it was not about Marie. Or even Alex. They were tears of joy over how much he loved his son. One of his saddest thoughts right after Marie had died, was one he had on occasion: that if one of his kids had to die, why couldn't it have been Jerrad? At the time of her death, he felt he barely knew his son. He had lost the connections to him as he finished high school and proceeded throughout college and into his work. But now, each day, as he saw him at breakfast or dinner or as they sat around and talked, he realized how much Jerrad meant to him. That he was the only sustaining thing left of his family. He went over to Jerrad and touched his shoulder. "That's a very sweet story."

Jerrad simply nodded. "Are you going to stay in here for a while?" Dan said.

"Not much longer. I've been sitting here for an hour. Before you came back."

"Want some ice cream?"

"Dad, you know I can't. I'm trying to be as tough as I can about the foods I'm eating."

"Sorry, I won't buy it anymore."

"Don't punish yourself because of me. Besides, you probably need some comfort food right now. I know ice cream works that way for you."

"How did you know that?"

"Come on, Dad. How many fucking years have I been watching you?"

"I had no idea you ever watched me. I thought you were too self-absorbed to do that."

"Thanks for giving me so much credit."

Dan laughed. "If I'm not mistaken, you really do care that Alex and I aren't getting along."

Jerrad stood up. "Come here, Dad." And Jerrad pulled Dan into an enormous bear hug ending with Jerrad kissing him on his cheek. "Of course, I care. Fuck, you're my roommate."

Dan laughed. "I guess I am. By the way, what were you doing listening to my music?"

"I do that sometimes. The old songs are nice if I'm in a sentimental mood. Like tonight. How old is Lorraine?"

"Sixty-five or so. She's been performing songs like these since she was twenty-five. Grandpa met her in Chicago when he was on his own."

"After he left you and Grandma?"

"Right. I was seventeen."

"Because he was gay and had to live that life?"

"Pretty much. He felt like he had to start over."

"Are you over him leaving you?"

"I'm not sure I'll ever be completely. But I've accepted it."

"You being gay helps with that?"

"Certainly. But you are much more accepting of me and you're not gay. So it's not that completely."

"What do you think of my friendship with Gary?"

"I'm really happy for both of you. I really like Gary and you know I love Ben."

"He's your old lover. You're OK with Gary? He didn't steal Ben away from you?"

Dan laughed. "Not at all. They found themselves when Ben and I weren't seeing each other. And now I wouldn't think of trying to break them up."

"But if Ben came over right now, would he comfort you?"

"I hope so. I called him earlier but he was busy. We might meet up tomorrow."

"So I'm your comfort bud tonight?"

Dan laughed. "I can't tell you how much you comfort me since you've moved back in. That's a big reason I'm not more upset about Alex than I am."

"Thanks, Dad. That's nice to hear. I think I'm doing better. But I like hearing you say that. Sometimes, Gary says that, too. How much I've changed and come out of myself just in the last month since we've been doing things together."

"What's happened to Katrine? I thought she might come over again."

"She wanted to. But her boyfriend came back home."

"She's been over here a few times when I haven't been around. Did you enjoy her spending the night?"

"Yeah. We'd done a few things before, but that was the first time we really got intimate."

Jerrad's face reddened up. "You don't have to talk about it."

"She's a lot different than Sylvia. She's really liberated and makes me feel kind of loosey-goosey."

"Is that good?"

"Very good. She's told me lots of things about her past. Boys she's been with and even a short lesbian affair. She's experimented."

"I don't have to tell you about protection, do I?"

"No. She and I talked about it. She was recently tested for STD's. I haven't seen anyone since Sylvia. She's on the pill. So, I think we're OK."

"The sex thing is working out?"

"O, my God. Being with her is nothing like being with Sylvia. Or any other girl I've ever been with."

"You don't have to tell me anymore."

"I don't mind, Dad. Who else am I going to talk to?"

"Gary would listen to you."

"Yeah, not sure he'd really understand. He's been gay since he was fifteen. But he asks how I'm doing with her. He's somewhat interested. Did you see many women before Mom?"

"A few. I wasn't a virgin when I met up with Mom. But I've not been with another woman since we started going out when I was twenty-three. You've probably had more experience with women than I ever did."

"Did you ever really like the sex with her?"

"I did. Very much. This thing with men was there when I was younger but I never did anything about it. But for most of our marriage, I was all in sexually. So, I understand you when you reference how much fun Katrine is in bed."

"I told her you're gay. And about Mom, too. I also told her we sometimes live in a naturist environment in the house. She thought that was hysterical. She wondered if I was grooming you."

"Did you straighten her out on that? The naturist thing is all your idea. And you don't even do it that much."

"Yes, but if you come home sometime and she and I are cooking without any clothes on you'll understand."

"I think it's very cute. That you have so much more confidence in yourself since you started doing that."

"It's actually true, Dad. I was so fucking hung-up on how fat and ugly I was. I never went around naked with Sylvia."

"I'm assuming you were naked in bed."

"Yeah, but I didn't strip off my t-shirt and shorts until we were under the covers. But Katrine seems to genuinely like how I look. It really fucking blows my mind. So, thanks for being so accepting of me. And, I'm up to eighteen pounds."

"Wow. What's your goal?"

"At thirty I'm going to reevaluate." He rubbed his hairy belly. "Can you notice the difference?"

"Yeah. Are you going to have to get new clothes?"

"Maybe some new work trousers."

"Are you meeting Gary for your usual Sunday routine tomorrow?"

"Ten at the health club. Then we have a nice lunch. He wants to take me to Maurice's. It's a gay bar and restaurant."

"You can handle that?"

"No problem."

"When will you see Mom next?"

"Nothing planned. I prefer it when she comes over here or we go out. There's something about Maureen that rubs me the wrong way."

"What do you think it is? Not accepting Mom's sexuality when you can accept mine?"

"I don't think it's that. She tries too hard to show she loves Mom. Touching her when she doesn't need to. Stuff like that. It's like, `OK, Maureen, I get it. You don't have to prove it to me'."

"Give it time. And don't judge Mom too harshly. She's going through the same thing you and I are. But let me invite Mom over. Maybe for supper next weekend."

"I'd appreciate that."

"Invite Katrine if you want to."

Jerrad laughed. "That would be too much at one time."

Dan had difficulty falling asleep. He slipped under at eleven, but woke at midnight. When he couldn't sleep, he sat in the music area with headphones. He liked June Christy's lower pitched voice and listened to her soft rendition of "Fly Me to the Moon" accompanied by a gentle guitar. He wasn't sure when he'd reach those heights again with Alex. Even if they returned to each other again, the purity of their romance had been breached. But he couldn't find any anger toward Alex. Which surprised him. He thought his feelings were more deeply rooted than this. If Ben were here, he would want to sleep with him. Ben could console him, and maybe make love to him. But it was very possible Ben wouldn't cross the line with him again. It was obvious he loved Gary and was making a deeper commitment to him. Dan had never lived with a man like Ben was with Gary. He chuckled. He many ways he felt like he had led Ben out of the closet into a more mainstream acceptance of being a gay man. But now Ben had taken several profound leaps and was racing ahead of him. Certainly, Ben didn't have to deal with a death of his child like he was, but he wondered if he'd ever catch up to Ben. He hoped Ben could drop by the next day like he said he might. Perhaps when Jerrad and Gary were having their date. Dan closed his eyes and tried just to focus on the music. Hoping that would enable him to become sleepy. He listened to Christy sing the song twice, singing lightly along with her the second time. When he opened his eyes, Jerrad was sitting across from him in his naturist costume. Dan smiled at him and his son merely said, "Are you unable to sleep like me?"

Dan nodded. "I'm hoping the music will make me drowsy. I could be reading a book, but music is what I wanted. Too much on my mind."

Jerrad started singing the old Burt Bacharach song with the lyric that said, "Breaking up is very hard to do."

"How do you know that song?" Dan asked.

"I listen to Bacharach songs quite a bit. Discovered them a few years ago. So, I know the words to a bunch of them."

"Were you thinking of Sylvia when you sang just now?"

"Yes and no. Just her physical presence, but not her. If that makes sense."

"Yes, it makes sense. I'm feeling a bit of that right now with Alex. It's not really him, just his body next to mine."

"In some people's book, that would be considered a state of horniness."

Dan laughed. "Suppose so. Men my age get that way, too."

Gary was touching his genitals and rubbing his chest. "Can you find that song and play it? The Ronald Isley version is the best."

"Better than Dionne?"

"She's good, too. But Isley sings it so slow and silky."

Dan scanned recordings of the song and played "Make it Easy on Yourself" by Ronald Isley. His voice was silky smooth and Dan immediately fell under his spell. He started singing along with him, and Jerrad smiled. He hummed along with his dad. By the second run through, they were singing together, and by the third round, they were singing it loudly. Jerrad could carry a tune and, surprisingly, lifted his voice into tenor range. Dan stopped singing and listened to his son, shaking his head at how beautiful his voice was. When the song ended, Dan clapped lightly. "Jesus, you can sing. I never knew that."

Jerrad laughed. "Not really. I'll only sing like this if I'm really relaxed. And that only happens when I'm alone. This was an exception. I wanted to entertain you."

"You did. I'm impressed."

Jerrad smiled and stood up, naked like he was at a nude beach, and without the music in the background started singing again, "And make it easy on yourself `cause breaking up is so very hard to do." He repeated the words over and over like he was performing on a stage in front of hundreds of people, shaking his head so his hair covered his eyes, joyfully wailing like he had just lost his greatest love. When he was done, Dan clapped as loud as he could, and Jerrad grinned widely. Dan stood up and the two of them embraced. "I love you son. I'm so proud of you."

Jerrad couldn't say anything other than, "Thanks."

Dan watched him saunter off to his room, shaking his head. His son was so much more than he'd ever imagined and that filled him with an indescribable joy.

Ben dropped over the next late morning. Dan embraced him. It had been so long since he let himself sink into Ben's body that he was almost astonished that his muscle memory with Ben returned so quickly. "Thanks for coming over."

"Yeah, what' going on?"

"Alex and I are taking a break. I'm just feeling blue. Wanting some comfort."

"Sorry. You thought he was seeing someone else. Is that it?"

"Yeah. I don't really blame him. He's never done it before. Putting himself out there. He wants to know what it feels like."

Dan offered him a chair, but Ben said, "Why don't we just stretch out on your bed. It'll be easier for you to talk."

They took off their shoes and lay down. Dan snuggled into Ben's arm. "Thanks. You don't have to do this. But I really appreciate it."

"How's Jerrad doing?"

"Unbelievably well. I'm so happy he's here. I'm amazed he and Gary clicked. That's part of Jerrad's joy right now. Having a friend."

"They usually come over after their Sunday date, so I've experienced some of that. I asked Gary about it. And he told me initially he was kind of doing a work of mercy, helping Jerrad out because Gary could see he was in distress. But now, he enjoys his company. Since he works so much, Gary doesn't really have any friends. So it's good for him, too."

"What do they do when they're together?"

"Fuck around on the computer in Gary's room. He's also got a TV for video games. Sometimes I hear them laughing, like they're twenty. Two overgrown kids having fun. It's very amusing. One night I was in the basement fixing a lamp, and I overheard them. Talking about sex. Jerrad was talking about a woman he's seeing."

"Katrine. She's spent an overnight here."

"Gary was asking him what they like to do. Like Gary's an expert. Jerrad said she's very open to sex play. Lots of kissing. And Gary asked if they like to do oral on each other. Jerrad was surprisingly open about it. He said she's the first girl he's been with who really likes to suck him. Gary asked if she's any good at it, which is something he would know about. Jerrad laughed and said he's only had a few girls who were willing to try it. And she's the best. But he loves doing oral on her. She goes crazy when he does."

"Are you making this shit up, Ben?"

"I should have walked away, I know. But it was too fascinating. So I listened a bit more."

"Jerrad asked Gary if he does anal sex much. Which I thought was pretty bold, so they must talk like this a lot. Gary being the forthcoming guy he is, said some men like it more than others. Jerrad asked about me, what I like. Of course, my ears were glued at this point. But Gary was quite sweet. He said we sleep together about five nights a week. And on a couple of those nights we just cuddle and talk. We might have anal one or two nights, more likely oral than anal."

"Is that accurate?"

"More or less."

"Did that satisfy Jerrad?"

"They talked a bit more. Jerrad seems pretty intrigued about what men do. Maybe it's because he's living with you."

"Alex hasn't spent an overnight since Jerrad's been at the house."

"Jerrad talked a bit more about how much fun it is when you're gone and he's with his girlfriend. He feels so liberated. They can be naked everywhere. Make noise when they have sex. He says he's having such a wonderful time living with you."

"Really? She's just been over the one night. But he actually said that about me?"

"Yeah. How sweet is that?"

Ben kissed Dan on the lips. "About that sweet."

They kissed some more. "I'd love to do more with you, Danny, if you don't think Jerrad will be back."

"He won't be for another two hours. We're good."

They undressed and slid under the sheets. They held each other and rubbed each other's chest and belly. "You always feel good, Danny. No matter where or when."

"Same for me. I love your body. The feel of it. We do that to each other."

They kissed and felt each other from their thighs to their necks, over and over. "Ben, I don't want to do anything that would upset things with Gary. So, be honest about that."

"He knew I was coming over here. He's quite accepting about us."

"But this would be the first time in over a year. Are you sure he's OK?"

"I do. I take him at his word. We have a very good thing going. And this is part of it. He knows our connection goes back years and kind of defies any reason for him to be jealous. He knows how I feel about him. And us being like this won't change that."

They played with each other as they kissed more intensely. Dan was so aroused he slipped between Ben's legs and sucked his cock. "I have never wearied of your cock for one instant. It always excites me."

"Please don't make me cum too soon. I want to enjoy it."

Dan laughed. "Thanks for reminding me. I've missed you so much."

"Let me have a turn."

Ben was much more patient, licking Dan down his chest and across his thighs. The dragging of his tongue up and down Dan's inner thighs generated moans from Dan. "You're horny," Ben said.

"It's been a few weeks for something this good."

"Lie back. Let me take you on a ride."

Ben licked him all around his genitals without touching his cock or his balls. Each lick brought him closer until Dan felt just the lightest lick at the base of his balls. He twitched at the pleasure. "Yes, that first little lick," Ben said.

Ben coated his balls with saliva, gently, until he magically had Dan's balls in his mouth licking them at the same time without the slightest hint of discomfort. "My God, Ben, how did you do that?"

"I thought you'd like that."

"Is this what happens when you have sex several nights a week. You can be this delicate and sensuous at the same time?"

Ben moaned an affirmative but continued with the testicle wash. Then he slowly ascended Dan's shaft, so incrementally that it felt like it took an hour to reach his knob. When he did, Dan was leaking big drips of precum. Ben licked his glans and slowly descended taking Dan into his mouth. "Man, you are skilled."

Ben pulled off briefly. "Will you let me bring you home? Please, I need to pleasure you like this."

Dan laughed. "Since you ask in such a generous way, yes, take me."

Ben coated his middle finger with spit and rubbed Dan's hole as he started sucking with more vigor. "There's lube in the drawer. Finger me while you suck."

Ben coated his fingers and slid two fingers inside Dan and resumed the licking and sucking. Dan was moaning deeply as he submitted to Ben's attentions. It didn't take long after that when Dan's hips began to rise and fall. He moaned, almost grunting, as he felt the orgasm rise. He spurted deep into Ben's throat. Ben rose and kissed him deeply with Dan's juice in his mouth. "Wow. That was spectacular."

"I think telling you what Gary said to Jerrad got me really excited," Ben said.

Ben pulled Dan to his chest as Dan played with Ben's foreskin, tugging at it in such a pleasurable way that Ben stiffened. "You've never done that before."

"I've been practicing on Alex. He likes it, too. I've wanted to try it on you."

"Keep doing it."

Instead, Dan descended and played with it with his lips. "O, wow, that feels good. Keep tugging like that."

Ben stiffened as hard as he could and leaked even more precum. "If you keep doing that, I might cum."

Dan coated his fingers with lube and inserted them into Ben's ass as he continued to play with the foreskin with his lips and tongue. Ben worked his hips and inserted his cock deep into Dan's mouth pushing as Dan sucked him. "O, shit, I'm going to cum."

He exploded and Dan sucked all he could out of him, then rose to kiss him with extraordinary passion. They held each other tightly as they kissed, their bodies pressed together. Dan's fingers slid out of Ben's ass. "That was like being fucked, Danny. It was amazing."

They nodded off for a short while. When they woke, Ben said, "Let's shower and get dressed. Just in case Jerrad gets back."

They sat at the kitchen table. Dan brewed some fresh coffee while Ben chopped up onions and peppers for omelets to go with the fresh croissants he brought. As they finished up the meal, Jerrad came in through the garage door. "Hey, buddy, Ben's here."

"I saw his car. How are you doing, Ben?"

Ben shook Jerrad's hand. "I'll be right back. I want to put my gym clothes in the laundry room."

Ben smiled. "It's good we got up when we did."

"Hey, can I fix you some eggs?" Dan asked when Jerrad joined them again.

"I'm good. Gary and I had brunch after our workout."

"How was the workout?" Ben said.

"Great. I was really pushing myself. It's still all new to me. I've never been this involved in reshaping my body. I've been just a blob for my entire life. And Gary is a great motivator."

"It's good for Gary, too. He and I got to know each other working out like you two are. But I think he enjoys being your coach like this. Did he head home after you split?" Ben said.

"I think so. He had to do some computer stuff for work."

"Hey, Jerrad, your dad mentioned you've taken up singing?"

Jerrad looked at Dan like he'd broken their trust. "I only told him because Ben loves singing songs of love like we were doing last night."

"I'd love to hear you sing. I'd be happy to sing along with you," Ben said.

"I don't know. Last night was a special circumstance."

Dan played the Isley version of the song of "Make it Easy on Yourself." "It's a gorgeous song. I love it," Ben said. "Do you listen to Bacharach songs very often?"

"Years ago, when I was in college I heard a few. Might have been in TV commercials. So, I checked him out. I like a lot of them. The words are locked into my brain. Last night they sort of came out while I was trying to be of good cheer for Dad. Then I got carried away. I think that's what he was talking about with my singing. Plus I wasn't wearing any clothes. I'm sure it was very amusing. And embarrassing."

"Of course, it was somewhat amusing. But you can really sing well when you let it out," Dan said. "I was shocked because I'd never heard you before."

"OK. Play it again. But you guys have to join me."

Dan replayed the song and they sang together. Jerrad closed his eyes and let himself drift with the words. When it was over he riffed again on the "make it easy on yourself `cause breaking up is so very hard to do" lyric. Ben smiled. "That's really nice. And you do have a great voice. Kind of unusual to sing in that elevated tenor way."

"Thanks. Dad, play `I Just Don't Know What to do With Myself.' I used to sing that quite often. The Dionne version. She's got a really slow take on it."

Dan and Ben knew the lyric quite well so they sang together. Jerrad was laughing as the words rolled out. `Like the summer rose needs the sun and rain I need your sweet, sweet love to beat all the pain.' The song played through a second time, and when it came through a third time, Dan and Ben stood and danced slowly to the music as they sang with Jerrod. Jerrod was filming the two of them with his phone. "What the fuck, you guys. You dance like you are lovers."

"We used to be, Jerrod. And we still have great affection for each other."

"Do you dance like that with Gary?"

"Sometimes. He's quite a romantic guy."

Jerrod laughed. "I've never seen that. Two men dancing that way. Kind of blows me away."

"It's not sweet?"

"Yeah. It is and it isn't. Grown men feeling that way about each other. Last night Dad's all morose over losing Alex. Today all sweet and loving with you. Damn, I've lived a pretty sheltered life. But I can deal with it." Jerrad started laughing again. "Gary calls himself a water buffalo. People like me and you, Ben, fit into that category. Chubby guys slopping around through the marshes of life. Trying to be happy and get healthy."

"Gary can be a funny guy. And he calls me that all the time. I need to get going. It's been really fun. And Jerrad, I can see why your dad is so happy to have you around. Keep going with the singing. I'm sure Gary would love to hear you. Good luck with Katrine."

"How did you know about her?

"I overheard you and Gary talking about her one day. She sounds like fun."