Hey Guys. I want to thank everyone who is reading this now. Thanks for the chance. I have to say, I am really trying to be original, and want to take this story in a lot of different ways, but some things are similar to other stories. Not like the actually plot and all, but the big thing is me putting `Nsync and other bands along with BSB. I have to give credit where credit is due, thanks JM for the wonderful idea. Hope I can get as good as you. I recommend JM's story for those of you who haven't read it yet. GO! ? For the usual, don't read this if or don't want to or think you won't like it. As for the people in this story, if they are real, I don't know if any of this is true. Unfortunately, it probably is all fake. ? Well, enough of me talking. On with the story.
Dealing Part 1 By J
BSB:
It's in the way you want me
It's in the way you hold me
The way you show me just what loves made of
It's in the way we make love
The song ran over in his mind. He had grown to respect the song. Anyone who could sing about such love had to have experienced such love. And anyone who had experienced such love was lucky in his book. He had gone to see Shania Twain the other night as a relaxing get away, so the song was still fresh in his mind. The BSB had done their last show of the century and were just resting for Christmas. The tour would start back in January on schedule, but until then he had time to think. Alone. Alone is what he had grown accustom to these past couple of months. He still had his friends of course, and there were always the fans, but he was alone emotionally. He awoke early this morning to watch the snowfall. He had arrived in New York, in time to see the show, and to get ready for the big bash in Times Square. He wasn't much for festivities though. He just wanted to get away.
"Hey Brian! You up?" He heard Kevin ask softly through the door. He looked at his clock as it read 7:17. `What is he doing up?' Brian asked himself as he went to open the door.
"Yeah, I'm up. What's up cuz?" Brian moved the door open fully to allow Kevin to get by. "What are you doing up so early?" Kevin took a seat on the couch in the part of the hotel room designated the living room.
"Well, I heard your phone ring early this morning, so I figured you were up. And I was up and getting bored so I thought I would see what's up?" Kevin turned to face Brian who had sat in the chair across from him. He was glad to see Kevin. They had grown up together being cousins, and were still good friends now that they worked together, but it wasn't the same as back then, so he tried to spend more time with Kevin when he could.
"I hope the phone call isn't what woke you. I just thought I would get an early start this morning so I had the wake up call set for 6." Brian said only speaking the half-truth. He had wanted to get an early start, but not on this morning. On his life. Through all the BSB had been through and achieved, and all the friends Brian had made and inspired, he still felt like something in his life was missing. His New Year's resolution had been clear since the start of the present year. He was going to be happy. He was going to try and get what he felt was missing so badly.
"You okay?" Kevin asked causing Brian to lose his train of thoughts about his life.
"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking." Brian tried to not see the expression of worry Kevin was giving him. "You know, why don't I order us some breakfast and me and you eat here in my room. I mean, AJ and Howie are going to be grumpy after their little partying expeditions last night, and Nick hasn't gotten up before noon unless he's had to since he was five." Brian joked as he went for the phone.
"Yeah, that sounds great." Kevin started explaining what he wanted while trying to figure out how to approach Brian. Kevin has always assumed the leader of the group. He organizes what needs to be done, and makes sure it gets done. So, he has to pay a lot of attention to each of the guys to make sure everything is OK. He was worried that with Brian it was not. Every since Mandy Moore started opening for them Brian had been distant. And, no, it was for the obvious reason of, `I think Brian likes her and can't get over his crush', but it's the fact that Nick and Mandy had hooked up. That was what Kevin had thought the problem was. Like Kevin had stated to himself, he didn't think Brian liked Mandy, so it was not that he was jealous, but envious. Kevin knew how lonely the road got. Nick had found something to make that bearable, Mandy, AJ had Amanda, and Howie had his little flings and midnight rendezvous, but Brian hadn't found anything or anyone to keep him busy. Kevin knew it was because Brian wanted something real. Something that once it started, it wold last. Kevin and Brian had after all grown up in Kentucky. Granted an occasional cousin would marry another, divorce still wasn't a big thing. This was the only reason Kevin kept coming up with as he tried to help Brian without telling him he thought something was wrong. If he told Brian, he would go into bigger denials and little shows that made everything seem all right.
"You sure are hungry." Brian put down the phone after ordering and went to turn on the TV.
"Yeah, I guess all that touring has taken a lot out of me." Kevin went and sat next to Brian. "Can we talk for a sec?" Kevin picked up the remote and turned off the TV. Brian looked at him with seriousness and turned to face him.
"Sure. Are you OK?" Brian asked kinda scared as to what Kevin wanted to talk about. All the guys had done physicals right before they started the Christmas break and Brian wasn't sure what had come back on his or Kevin.
"Actually, this is about you. Are you OK?" Kevin placed his hand on Brian's shoulders sensing his fright.
"I am fine." Brian sighed and leaned back in the couch. He sat there in silence waiting for Kevin to leave or say something. Which ever came first.
"What do you mean, `Am I OK?' Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" Brian wondered if Kevin noticed his withdrawing. He had tried to distance himself from being a BSB hoping that maybe he just needed to be normal to find what he was looking for. And that meant distancing himself from the guys. Not in anyway to cause animosity among himself and the guys, but enough so he could think. Kevin had commented before how Brian didn't go anywhere with them anymore and was always locked up in his room. He always gave off the impression of joking when he said these things, but perhaps he wasn't.
"Something has changed with you. Brian you are my cousin, you can only hide something for so long before I am bound to notice. And it's not even just me. AJ has asked me if you were OK lately. You have always been going off into your own little world to think in the middle of rehearsals, you won't go out and try and have fun with us, you don't wanna be around any of us and our significant others at the time. What's up?" Kevin asked watching Brian's face as he brought up the last point.
"Listen Kev, I thank you for being concerned, but you don't need to be. Trust me. I have just had a lot on my mind. I have had to think through some things. And I am just not in the partying mood lately. Chalk it up to my old age I guess. Just don't wanna be bar hopping." Brian had hoped he would not have to explain why he didn't wanna be Nick and Mandy and AJ and Amanda. (When they were not fighting and were actually together) But Kevin had to pry.
"And you not wanting to be around the couples?" Kevin didn't care if Brian thought he had caught on anymore. He really wanted to know what was wrong and was about ready to flat out ask Brian if he was just lonely.
"I guess. I just don't wanna be around a bunch of lovebirds. It's not like I have anyone special to share anything with. But that doesn't mean that I need to talk about my problems, if I had any, or that I am not OK." Brian finished sarcastically. "I mean, you are single, have been for a long time and we all know you are fine. You still go on with working and living, I am not badgering you." Brian realized he had stood while talking to Kevin and immediately fell back to the couch. He had learned long ago don't stand up to Kevin and raise your voice o him, because he was after all the most responsible and mature of the group.
"Brian, listen. I am not trying to upset you, or badger you; I am just trying to help. If you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine. I thought I would ask as a good cousin and as a good friend. And I will be here if you need to talk." And with that they dropped it. Kevin found something to watch while they waited for the food. When breakfast came, Brian loosened up and started laughing and joking with Kevin, as if they had not had any previous conversation.
"So, the New Year? That ought to be interesting for us to say the least?" Brian said finishing up his food and putting everything back on the tray.
"Why is that?" Kevin said with no expression positive or otherwise. Brian turned to look at him.
"C'mon Kevin. We start work on a new CD, in the middle of a tour for our last CD, we are hooking up with Brittany Spears, `Nsync, Blaque, Mandy's staying on, EYC, and god knows who else they are putting on the bill with us. It's gonna be great. I can't believe you aren't more excited."
Kevin smiled at the sudden change in Brian. "And I can't believe you are!" Kevin laughed as he too finished breakfast. "I guess it will be cool." Kevin sighed. "So, what are you going to do for Christmas? Heading home?" Brian looked at him and the looked towards the ground.
"Nah, I think I am going to hang around." Brian was hoping that Kevin wouldn't force any of that, `We are gone long enough, you need to see your family' crap on him. He wasn't ready to face all that and still have to come back to the BSB and all while h is searching his soul.
"By yourself? I am heading home, AJ and Amanda are alternating families, Howie is going back to Orlando, and Nick is."
"Nick is going to chill with Mandy until Christmas day when he will head back with Aaron." Brian helped Kevin out knowing that only he knew so far of Nick's plans. Everyone had said Nick was rushing things with Mandy, except Brian. Brian knew all the facts and knew Nick and Mandy were actually taking things really slow.
"Well, see, you will be alone until the 13th when we all head back to start the tour again. You don't need to be alone on Christmas. Come with me." Kevin's eyes were pleading, his fears for Brian slowly creeping back up at Brian's wanting to be alone at such an important time of year.
"Kev, don't push this. Please. I want to be alone. Maybe I need to be alone. I don't know if you were tight about me having problems. I wouldn't go that far. But there are some things I need to change in my life. Some things I have to find out for myself. And before you ask, I don't know what it is. That is one of the problems. I am confused and I need to work things out. By the 13th, all of this has to be behind me. It has really been hard these past couple of months to do what I am supposed to do. Be who I am supposed to be. And I can't do it any longer. If things don't happen for me by the 13th, I am afraid I have to leave until they do." Kevin's eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Stop. I can only imagine what you want to say to me. But that is why I need to be alone. I have to work this out. For my sake and ours, as a group."
With that Kevin said he understood, and said his good-byes. He had a feeling that Brian would be gone soon enough and this was the last chance he would have to wish him well. Brian had made it seem he was staying in NYC for the New Year's bash, but he didn't think so. "Good luck." Kevin said as he finally left the room, where Brian was already packing to go and find what he was looking for.
`Nsync:
"You know, it's almost Christmas." JC said as he lay down next to Justin on Justin's hotel room bed.
"Yes it is. You are getting so good with your dates. I am so proud. And you didn't want to work on them every night. See, it paid off." Justin teased as he continued bobbing his head to Destiny Child's `Say My Name'.
"You know what I mean. What are we doing for Christmas bro? You still haven't told me." JC pouted as he turned to face Justin.
"I have decided.." It was hard for Justin to tell JC he wanted to be alone this Christmas. The switch between labels, while still trying to get out No Strings Attached' was taking its toll on him. That and so many things had changed between him and JC. He hated to admit it, but it was true. Before Nsync they were best friends, who spent all their time, including every Christmas together, since Justin was 7. `Nsync still let them have their friendship, but things had changed. Justin had changed. And for JC not to have noticed, Justin knew he had changed too.
"Wait, before you tell me. I have something to tell you. Guess I should tell you before we start spending time together. It is really important. More important than." Justin nodded to let JC know he could tell him. "I guess I should start then huh?" JC laughed nervously as he got up from the bed and shut the door.
"Is it that bad that you need." JC cut him off and signaled him to let him talk.
"Every since I told you I was gay, I have noticed that you have seemed to drift. Maybe it's just me and I can't imagine that you really accept it, me, and I am seeing us drift because I expected it, or it is really happening. I need to know, what is happening with you? With us?" JC found the chair that sits at Justin's desk to sit on as he watched Justin sit up on his bed and look JC in the eye.
Justin turned off the music and thought what to say. `I guess JC finally caught on.' Justin thought to himself. "JC, you know I love you. You are my best friend. You always have been, with my luck you probably always will." Justin tried to joke with JC, but no smile graced his face. "I'm sorry. Trying to lighten the mood I guess. Yeah, maybe I have seen us drifting a little, but I think we should admit to ourselves that it started before you came out to me. It would take a lot more than that to chase me away. Granted I was a little shocked when you told me, but I'm cool with whatever you think is best for your life. So you tell me why we have been distancing ourselves. Because I don't know what changed, but I have a feeling you do." Justin knew where he was going with this. He was a little scared he might be right.
JC thought to himself. Was Justin actually saying what he thought? JC didn't know. And, was he the one distancing himself? Maybe it was he and not Justin. He finally decided to just let it all out. He had to tell Justin anyway. "Justin. I don't know. maybe I have been the one. listen. I guess you have a right to know that I. I guess I love you. That is what I am trying to say. Yeah." JC finally got it out while reassuring himself. Yep. Justin was right. He noticed JC's eye wander on him too many times to dismiss the fact that JC's line between friendship and love for Justin may have been crossed. "And, I need to know, can you ever love me back? To quote our dear friend Brittany, Am I wasting my feelings on you?'" JC tried to joke, but he couldn't hide the hurt and fear in his eyes, and in his voice. Justin sighed. He fell back on his bed and looked at the ceiling. I care for JC. I always have. But was that love? I mean, I'm not even gay. So of course it's not love. Then why am I having to fight with myself for the answer?' Justin thought to himself. "Justin, I know I hit you with this pretty fast, and I don't expect you to feel the same. I want you to, but I don't expect it. But I would like to have some sort of an answer." JC grew tired of waiting as Justin watched the ceiling.
"JC. I know how this is going to seem, especially after what you said, but. I wanna spend Christmas alone. That is why I haven't told you. Don't think it has anything to do with what has been going on just now and all. This is about me. Not you, not us." Justin hurt himself as much as he knew he had hurt JC as the words left his mouth. "I am sorry, but I just don't. I am not going to say that I don't feel the same." JC's face suddenly lifted, full of confusion. "But I can't say I feel the same either. I don't know how I feel. Honestly. Things have changed for us. Long before you came out, and confessed your feelings, and long before thoughts entered my mind that I might return those feelings. I just need time. You know at least some of the things that have been happening with me, and this just adds to it. This year, hell, these past couple of years have been a lot, perhaps too much. Please don't be mad. Just give me some time." Justin was almost in tears as he said this. Out loud. And it was the truth. He was confused. Not just because of his feelings for JC, but with his life.
JC stood and looked at Justin. He placed his hand on Justin's shoulders and sighed. "Justin, I do love you. And I know what you are going through. The confusion I mean. Whatever you decide, the fact remains that I have been where you are. But, I don't know about giving you time. Because if you come back and tell me that you were wrong, and felt nothing, that would hurt too much. I know you want this New Year to be a start for you, and I want the same. So, I will wait until 11:59PM, December 31, 1999. If I don't hear from you, I will know you decision. That gives you 11days. I hope you find what you need. For you." JC bent down and lightly placed a kiss on Justin's lips. Lightly brushing them with his. Justin didn't kiss back, but didn't move away either. He watched as JC backed away and left his room. Justin sat there, alone. Was this it for him? To be alone? But was he gay? No. Right?
Paths Cross:
"Now boarding Flight 119 to Miami at gate 12. First class passengers and passengers with small children please board first to ensure the safety.." The voice trailed off as Brian Littrell sat in the terminal. He was only 4 hours early for his flight to Hawaii, which was the only state he hadn't gotten to see much off during the tour, but had nowhere else to go. He left his hotel room, not wanting to meet up with any of the guys. They only confused him and how he felt. He had said good-bye to Kevin. Nothing kept him anywhere but here. He felt good though. For the first time he didn't feel attached to anything or anyone. He had on some raggy clothes he has had before he became a BSB, a baseball cap more to hide his hair than his face, and a throw over bag. He felt like a drifter seen in made for TV movies. It was great but he was getting anxious and didn't want to spend another 4 hours in one seat. He had to get up and walk around.
Justin was practically mowing people down as he raced towards gate 14 to Los Angeles. He was only 5 minutes late and planes never left on time. Right? He had thrown his bags onto the baggage belt and started hauling ass to make it in time. "Am I late? Did I miss it? Is it gone?" Justin got out while trying to catch his breath. The airport employee looked at him and sighed.
"No sir, you have not missed the flight. It is however getting ready for take off so you better hurry." The attendant said with sarcasm. He didn't want to be there, and had no problem letting passengers know it. Justin just shrugged it off and turned his head towards the window. He looked at the plane. Hopefully that plane would take him away from things for awhile. Long enough for him to find out. To know his feelings. He then turned back to the attendant who was looking at him.
"Is there something wrong?" Justin asked as the guy held the ticket in his hands.
"You're. Justin Timberlake? As in THE Justin Timberlake?" More sarcasm shown through. "I'm going to need some proof of ID." The man said hell bent on proving that this wasn't Justin, and not let him on the plane.
"Fine." Justin said pulling out his wallet. "But I thought I needed to hurry." Justin was showing his sarcasm as well, but this guy was pissing him off. He flipped his wallet and the guy looked as though he might pass out.
"OK. Everything seems to be in order. If you will just step through that gate, you will be on your way." His attitude had changed very noticeable.
"Thanks." Justin said as he walked away. `For nothing.' He thought as he walked into the connecting way to the plane.
`What's taking so long?' Brian thought as he sat on the plane. not moving. He was already anxious enough. He hated to fly. But to have to sit here and wait to go was killing him.
"Excuse me, sir? I think you might be in my seat." A voice came from behind Brian. Brian was taking out of his thoughts and turned to face the man.
"No, I don't think so." Brian began a search for his ticket. Before he could get it out the man pulled out his ticket stub.
"See, seat 2C. That's me." The man said trying to be polite. By than Brian had found his stub.
"Well, it seems we are both right." Justin looked at the man with a smile and unknowing face. The man saw this and brought up his ticket. "See, seat 2C. That's me." Brian said quoting the man with a smile.
"I'm really sorry. I had no idea. Air lines, overbooking at Christmas, I know I am shocked." The man smiled at Brian. "Well, I guess I will go in search of a new seat." The man
"There's no need. I mean, look at this place." His finger followed around all of first class. "It's Christmas. There's not another seat." The man looked around and saw Brian was right.
"Guess I'll just. catch the next flight. Sorry `bout this." The man started walking off before a hand fell to his shoulder.
"No. What I was getting to, I guess not very well, was all the seats are taken except the two next to me. I bought three tickets to get a row by myself, but I don't really need it. Just like the space. Since 2C is just as much yours as mine, we can both just sit here." Brian explained to the man.
"Oh, my bad. I figured there was people there, just like gone at the time." The man flashed a smile at Brian that made Brian melt. It was so innocent.
"Well, here ya go." Brian said moving some of his bags into the overhead shelves to make room.
"Thank you. That was very kind of you." The man held out his hand to Brian as he got seated. "Names' Justin."
Brian took his hand in his own s they shook. "No problem man. Glad I could help. Name's Brian. Pleasure to meet you." Just then the pilot came through the speakers announcing they were now ready to take off. Brian couldn't help but give in to his reflexes and he started to squeeze Justin's hand.
"Wow, dude. That is one heck of a hand shake you got there." Justin said cringing in a little pain. Brian released the hand and smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry, it's just. I am really." Brian was cut off.
"Scared to fly huh? What, is this your first time?" Justin asked.
"No, of course not. In fact I fly all the time. I am always on the go. But no matter how much I fly, I never get used to it. I don't know why. Just never had. Some people just sit there and sleep on their way up. I couldn't do that. As soon as we take off from land I go crazy." Brian kept rambling in his nervousness while Justin listened. Justin smiled to himself as he watched out the window as they ascended. He didn't dare interrupt Brian while he talked. Brian would never even know they were going 30,000 feet up until they were actually 30,000 feet up. "But see, you are so calm. I wish I cold be like that. When we take off I just." Brian was interrupted once again by the pilot coming over the speakers.
"Ladies and Gentleman. we have now reached just over 30,000 feet and are making our way to sunny Los Angles. Our ETA is approx. 3 hours and 47 minutes. We ask that you sit and relax while you enjoy our in flight movie." The pilot's voice went dead, as the "Please buckle you safety belt" light went off.
Brian turned to Justin who was smiling in his baby blue NC Tar Heels cap, and baby blue shaded glasses hiding his eyes. Brian was also still wearing his beanie that covered most of his upper head. "You knew we were." Brian smiled as Justin nodded.
"See, that wasn't too bad. We left land, ascended to 30,000 feet, and you are still OK. I'm proud. What can I say." Justin mocked as the stewardess approached them.
"Excuse me gentleman. Our in flight movie is about to start. Did either of you pay for it when you bought your tickets?" The stewardess had a box of earphones to be able to hear the movie.
"I did." Justin said fishing out his ticket once again. The lady looked at Brian who smiled and shook his head no. Justin finally got out his ticket and showed it to the lady in exchange for earphones. "Thank you." He said as the lady walked to the seat behind them. The screen started to come down as Justin looked at Brian. "Why didn't you pay for the movie? I mean, you are afraid to fly. So, do you normally just watch the clouds go by?" Justin laughed as the lights dimmed.
"I guess I never thought about it. I was just so ready to get out of New York, I didn't think about much more than a ticket." Brian laughed as the opening previews started.
"Three." Justin said laughing at him. Brian looked at him. "You were so ready to get out of New York, you didn't think much more than three tickets." Justin smiled as he opened his earphones. Brian smiled.
"Yeah, I guess so. Three then." Brian fluffed his pillow and was about to turn around when Justin tapped him.
"You know, these things come apart to put in both ears. If you wanna take one and I'll take the other, you're welcome to." Justin asked nervously, almost like he was scared. Brian smiled at him. All he could think of was how kind the boy he was sitting next to seemed to be. But then the thought hit him. This guy who was being so kind to him and flashing innocent smiles, was probably just that. An innocent KID. He couldn't have been much over 17 or 18. But he was just accepting an earphone. Yeah.
Brian snapped out and took one side of the earphones. "Are you sure? I don't mind sleeping or whatever." Brian hoped he would say yes. This was an opportunity to get to know this person next to him. An opportunity Brian didn't want to miss. He was glad when Justin nodded and smiled. He slid down in his seat and a little closer to Brian so they could both wear the earphones, and got ready to watch the movie. Brian smiled and followed suit making it easier for them both to hear. He turned to smile at Justin once more before turning his eyes towards the screen that had come down in the front cabin. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Justin remove his glasses and set them down next to his arm. He was tempted to look over at him, not knowing why he wanted to see his eyes, or even know him. He did not however as the movie started. He smiled to himself as the title Notting Hill' came up. What a coincidence.' Brian thought as the movie started. He thought back o the song inspired by the movie. Shania's voice was so clear in his mind as if she was right next to him. Does this mean something?' ran through Brian's mind. It was better than what ran deeper in his mind, that he tried to bury, What does this mean?'
The movie went on with much silence. Everyone seemed to be wrapped up into the flashes of light hitting the screen in front of them. Brian noticed that Justin was especially into the movie. His eyes never faltered as he watched the casual meeting, the chance second encounter, them fall in love. Brian couldn't help but notice the tear falling, the one single tear, when they found love. When they found they were both in love. Not the times that they were apart, but the time they were together. The tear was almost immediately wiped away but this made Brian think. `Is that what he is in search for?' Brian was very preoccupied with this thought. It kept creeping into his mind. The ending of the movie came to quick as the lights brightened only slightly. The sun had set and darkness filled the skies around the plane. Brian closed the window shade as he took out the earphone. As he turned to give it back to Justin, he noticed the glasses had been returned. "Here ya go. Thanks man. I enjoyed the movie. How about you?" Justin but the earphones bag in the bag they had come in and set them to the side. He stood up and got a blanket and a pillow and sat back down.
"It was OK. Pretty good movie." Justin simply said. Brian knew he had enjoyed it.
"OK? For someone who never took their eyes off the screen, you seem pretty critical about it." Brian shrugged as he fluffed his pillow and got ready to use the last hour or so to sleep.
Justin turned to him. "What were you watching me? How do you know my eyes weren't closed, or looking at someone. something else?" Justin asked in a half-joking manner trying to recover. He hated to admit his eyes had wondered once or twice to the man who lay beside him. Brian looked at him.
"I just meant." Brian tried to say something, but nothing came to mind. He didn't mean to insult Justin. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Justin just flashed another smile.
"Brian, I was just kidding. Chill man. I hope you are going on vacation. You seem like you need it." Justin turned his back to Brian and closed his eyes. Brian turned away to. Soon, Brian was fast asleep, however Justin's eyes never stayed closed for long. He tossed and turned for a good 15 minutes before he finally gave in and sat up. He looked next to him to find Brian, in the best ball he could make of himself in the seat, looking in Justin's direction. Guess he turned around.' Justin thought as he watched the sleeping Brian. What was it about this stranger that had Justin so mesmerized? He traced the outline of Brian's face with his eyes. He was quite remarkable. And before Justin could stop himself, he noticed he was quite cute. He quickly looked away. What am I doing?' Justin thought to himself. He found himself, not only with out an answer, but turning back to face Brian. He noticed Brian's beanie was coming off slightly as he moved up and down in his sleep. Justin smiled and slowly removed the beanie. He straightened it out and placed it on the extra seat with Brian's bag. As he turned to look back at Brian, he had to do a double take. He looked at the all so familiar face that had alluded him behind a beanie hat and a nice smile. Of course he knew at that second the man next to him was Brian Littrell. It is not as if they hadn't meet before. And he was actually a fan of the so-called rival' boyband. A stream of thoughts entered Justin's head at the time. Had he known all along whom I was? Was this some management trick to make friends between the bands before the combined tour? No, it couldn't have been. He didn't even know he was going anywhere, much less make sure it was the same place as Brian. And they weren't really going to the same place, just taking the same plane there.
As he tried to figure out how he had let Brian's identity slip, Brian began to awaken. Justin wasn't quite sure what to say to Brian. He didn't know if he should say anything. Maybe Brian had known this whole time. Justin found himself, however, slowly stroking Brian's face and humming lightly. Brian never opened his eyes. He only mumbled once or twice. Justin knew he didn't want Brian to wake up. He had been tired and seemed to have a lot on his mind. Not to mention the fact Justin had grown assured that Brian was as clueless as he had been. But he knew that neither of those reasons were why he wanted to watch Brian sleep, and be there when he awoke. The reason he wanted to stay was what he was going to look for. What he was traveling away from everything to find. Just as Justin had let go of Brian's face, the stewardess came by quietly with the beverage cart.
"Excuse me, sir. Can I get you something to drink?" She asked politely. Justin looked at Brian once more before turning to her.
"Umm. yeah, I'll take a Dr. Pepper." As soon as the words left his mouth the beverage was half poured.
"And for sleeping beauty?" She giggled pointing at Brian. Justin smiled with her.
"Not right now. I don't want to wake him." She nodded and prepared to move on.
"That's sweet. He is very lucky to have someone like you." She said smiling at Justin. Justin's jaw dropped.
"Me and him aren't. we are not a we.." Justin was trying to figure how to come out with the truth. For some reason though, the truth wouldn't come out. He didn't want the truth to come.
"Oh, oh my. I am sorry. It's just, you two shared the earphones when you were snuggling to watch the movie, and you just kept him from waking right before I came. I though. I am sorry." She was very embarrassed, as her cheeks became red. Justin smiled at her.
"It's OK. I don't care about all that just for the fact that it is not true in this case. We are just. friends." Justin smiled to himself as she walked away. He had called Brian a friend. He had only known the man for two hours. He still had people in his life that he wouldn't even call acquaintances. The music industry did that to ya I guess.
"We have now entered Los Angles air space. We will be arriving at the runway in five minutes. I am now switching on the buckle your safety belt sign as we prepare for descent. We ask that all your tray tables are up and your seats are in there up right positions." The pilot voice faded after the announcements. Seconds later the light shown for the seat belt warning.
Justin turned to look at Brian. Since the incident where Justin hummed him to sleep, Brian hadn't stirred. He looked so peaceful. He actually had a look of happiness that Justin had never seen on someone in the business. Guess the music industry did that to you too. He slowly shook Brian to wake him. Brian finally awoke after Justin continued his efforts for a bit longer. Brian opened his eyes to the site of Justin's smiling face.
"Hey. Nice to see you again." Brian said slowly while sitting up in his seat. It took him a second to gather his thoughts and remember where he was and who sat beside him. "Oh, are we there yet?" Brian said mimicking a small child. Justin couldn't help laugh at his attempt at humor.
"About. You need to put your seat belt on and gather your stuff. We are about to land." Justin said watching Brian do exactly what he was told to. "Are you going to be all right? With the whole landing thing I mean." Justin asked in remembrance to Brian's wonder flying feelings. Brian simply nodded.
"Yeah, it's just taking off that scares me. Going back to the ground is what I love the most." Brian finally got all his stuff in his bag when he noticed his beanie lying neatly on top of his stuff. He looked at Justin who was looking down the isle. He quickly slipped it on hoping the man next to him didn't realize who he was. That made him think. Would they be friends if he knew who Brian was? Were they even friends now? Brian thought so, but didn't know how Justin felt. He could normally read people pretty well, but Justin was a mystery.
"You know, that is a pretty good disguise. The beanie and all. I guess your hair gives you away." Justin finally turned to look at Brian. Brian looked at Justin for signs of anything. Was he going to dislike him now? Guys were after all, not the fan base.
"Guess you figured it out." Justin nodded.
"When you were asleep your beanie was coming off. I put it by your stuff and when I looked back, Mr. Littrell himself stared back." Justin laughed. "I can't believe I didn't notice before then. But I guess it is cool that you are as clueless as I am." Justin said hinting to his own identity. Brian would have had a reply had not they come to a quick jolt.
"Ladies and gentleman, we here at American Airlines would like to welcome you to the City of Angels. We ask that you remain seated until the plane comes to a full and complete stop. Once you step of the gateway, baggage claim is going to be to your left. We hope that you enjoyed our flight, and hope that you reach for the skies with American Airlines in the future." The pilot ended his plainly written good-bye speech for the passengers as he pulled the plan to its gate.
"Well, I have to say, I am glad you didn't make me take another flight. I don't think I could have hung around NY much longer. It was a pleasure to meet you." Justin extended his hand once again. Brian looked at him with surprise.
"I guess this is good-bye huh? It was my pleasure man. Glad I got to meet you." They both smiled as they stood dumbly in the middle of a crowd trying to escape the airplane. As soon as Justin turned to follow suit to the exit, he heard Brian's voice. "Hey Justin, are you leaving straight from the air port. I mean, do you have someone waiting for you?" Brian asked shyly as he scooted closer to his new friend. Justin looked at him and smiled.
"No, not at all. I'm all by myself." Justin started to sing with Celine, but decided to stop while he was ahead.
"I was thinking maybe would get something to eat or something."
"But don't you have a flight to catch?" Justin said reminding Brian that he was on his way to Hawaii, while Justin's journey ended here. Brian hit himself inside, realizing that this fascinating stranger was leaving as quickly as he came. Brian looked at his watch.
"If you want to be all technical, I have 2 hours before I have to be at my gate. And since I guess I slept through our in flight dinner, I am hungry. I hate to eat alone." Brian said asking more than stating as he offered more than an invitation to eat for Justin. For the first time in awhile, no matter what Brian thought he was missing, and no matter what Brian thought he needed to find or change, he forgot all about it these past three hours. His time with Justin. He wasn't ready to give that all up. Not yet anyway.
Justin looked at him for signs of anything that would give him the slightest inclination to say no. He wasn't sure what would happen if he said yes. Probably nothing, but he was scared that maybe he wanted something to happen. What would that mean? And Justin was not sure he wanted to know. But nothing betrayed Brian. His eyes were as soft and innocent as the smile gracing his face. He stood there in the middle of the now empty cabin, with a bag and an invitation that Justin could not turn down.
"Well, we'd better hurry. Two hours isn't a lot of time to find a nice Italian restaurant in an airport." Justin said finally answering Brian's question. Brian smiled and followed behind.
"Who said we were eating Italian?" Brian kidded as they exited the terminal. Whatever was happening, he didn't want it to end.
Four hours later, two young men said laughing together in a fast food `real' Italian restaurant located not to far from their departing terminal.
"You know, you still haven't brought up the BSB thing. Not a fan?" Brian knew he wanted to stay here with Justin, his newfound friend, but before he got too involved, he had to know if this was all because he was who he was. He hadn't to think like that, but he had been hurt by friends, old and new, who had changed for the worse, as he became who he was. Justin couldn't help but laugh. Brian was really clueless. Helplessly so at that. Brian just looked at him. "What?" Brian asked feeling a little hurt. `Guess he is not a fan.' Brian said to himself as Justin tried to compose himself.
"You really don't know who I am do you?" Brian's face looked of confusion. `What does this have to do with him?' Brian thought to himself. "Brian, I know we have only met a couple of times, and that was a long time ago at that, but I am starting to feel hurt." Justin pouted as he removed his glasses and his NCTH hat. He looked at Brian only for a second before recognition lit up his face.
"Justin! I can't believe that it is you! This is weird." Brian said as he stood up and hugged his fellow musician. It truly had been a long time, three years to be exact when Nsync was just starting. Justin was just about to be 16 the last time they had met. They both sat down. "Wow. This is really weird. What are the chances that you and me would randomly end up going to." That is when the clock finally came into Brian's mind. He looked at his watch and sighed. Justin knew what he too had forgotten.
"Randomly end up going to two separate places. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was taking up so much time." Justin said looking down at his half-eaten plate of pasta. He wanted to spend just those two more hours with Brian. True he had gotten four, but now he would have to leave, and Brian would be tied up in trying to get another flight. They would see each other again soon though. Justin knew about the tour after the New Year. They would be there with the BSB, so they would just meet up. `Then why I am so sad that we will be going now?' Justin asked himself. Brian looked at him to make sure he was OK.
"Justin, it's not your fault. I was talking just as much as you were."
"More so even." Justin threw in with a laugh.
"More so even." Brian laughed with him. "I'll just catch a later flight."
"Can I ask you what you are going to be doing in Hawaii?" Justin was working his way up to something that he wouldn't be able to rationalize for awhile to come.
Brian looked at him and sighed. `What am I supposed to say.' "I really don't know. Honestly, I just needed to get away and have some alone time to think some things through." Justin nodded knowing exactly what Brian meant. That was his reason too. "Why?"
"Nothing. I was going to say that. I am driving to San Francisco. I don't really want to stay in LA. I'm here too much on business I guess. And, what can I say, I hate driving alone." It was Justin's turn to make the invitation. He only hoped Brian followed along and said yes, just as Justin had done when the situation was presented to him. Brian looked at him, and asked only with his eyes, `Are you sure?' Justin smiled at Brian giving him all the reason he needed to say yes.
"I guess, I guess I am going on a road trip." Brian said surprising himself. `I hope you know what you are doing with this kid.' Brian said, his thoughts hidden behind a smile that had captured Justin in a way that he wouldn't soon forget.
"December 30th. Just in time huh?" Justin said to Brian as they walked into the Savoy Hotel. Brian and Justin had taken their time getting to San Francisco. What might have been a day and a half drive, turned into nine days. They had made frequent stops though, seeing whatever caught their interests, even if just for a second. They slept mostly in the Lincoln Town car that Justin had waiting at the airport. They decided that a hotel was in order to ring in the New Year in San Francisco. Neither knew what was so special in SF that wasn't in LA or Hawaii, but they didn't ask. They both were enjoying the time they were sharing with each other. In the 10 days they had known each other, really known each other, they had become best friends. They had both confided into why they had left NY more or less, and what they were trying to find neither giving a very helpful description. And though neither had admitted it to the other, they had stopped looking for whatever it was while they were together.
"Sorry, what are we in time for?" Brian remained a firm believer that technologically speaking, the New Year would be the same as the others. Nothing changing. Justin couldn't help but wonder. Whether he truly believed it or not. The two men walked up to the front lobby laughing.
"Hello, and welcome to the SF Savoy. What can I do for you?" The lady said with a big smile as she looked up. Her face shown that she recognized the two men that stood before her, but she didn't let anything slip up to much. Brian and Justin both smiled at her.
"Two rooms please." Justin said holding up two fingers. The young lady nodded and tapped a couple of keys.
"All right. We have suite 257 on the 8th floor. And we have suite 363 on the 10th floor." She looked up asking silently for approval. Justin looked at Brian who shrugged and turned to face the door.
"Thanks." Justin said to Brian sarcastically turning to the girl. "You don't have any rooms next door to each other, or at least on the same floor?" Justin asked flashing a smile. He knew what he could get out of some people if he did the right thing. She smiled back but shook her head no.
"Sorry, Mr. Timberlake, but this is after all the New Year. We only have three rooms left. None are on the same floor. I'm sorry." Justin thought about things. He hated for them to be so far. They spent so much time together; being on separate floors seemed like they would be moving apart. `You are only friends Justin.' But before Justin could say those two rooms were fine Brian came butting in.
"The suite on the 8th floor. we'll take that one. If you could just have someone brings some extra pillows and blankets, that would be great." Brian too was flashing his smile that no one, including this woman behind the counter, could say no to. Brian finished up paying for the room and instructed the bell hops where the bags were to bring them up. Justin was already in the elevator waiting to go up. "In a hurry?" Brian laughed as Justin finally pressed the number 8.
"We have been cramped in a car, for 9 days, and slept in that same car all the while except on Christmas. I am tired and miss a bed." Justin laughed. The floor was reached in no time, and Justin was throwing himself on the king-sized bed as soon as the door was opened. "THIS!! This is what I have been missing. A bed!" Justin said curling up in a ball and pretending to sleep.
"Are you really going to sleep?" Brian said sighing as a knock came from the door.
"Your bags sir." Justin heard a man say.
"Thanks." Justin heard Brian slap his hand, no doubt with a nice tip in it. Brian was really bad about tipping. He would leave $20 for a cup of coffee on the road. Justin saw it as sweet though. One of the things he had grown to really like about Brian. One of many. He turned to face Brian as he heard the door shut.
"Aren't you tired? Granted it is only 6:30, but we have been on the road so long. We stopped so much we actually made most of the trip here today. I'm beat." Justin continued on very over dramatically. Brian couldn't help but smile. He didn't want to help it. It had been a long time since he honestly smiled. Nothing hiding behind it. He knew that it was Justin that was doing this to him. All he had left to know was why.
"I guess I am a little beat. I just can't believe tomorrow is New Year's Eve. It's amazing. Granted it means only 13 more days of freedom before it's back to the grind stone, but still." Justin smiled at the enthusiasm in Brian's voice. Almost as if a little child at Christmas. Justin thought about their Christmas together. It was so free. They didn't exchange gifts, just holiday greetings. They spent the whole day together in the only other room that had bought on the trip. It was fleabag motel on some deserted road, but they had so much fun. They never left the room, talking about everything that came to mind, vegging out with a convenient store Christmas dinner, and watching old movies on the 3-channel television set.
Justin looked at Brian as he carried some blankets, obviously dropped off by the people who brought the bags, and started to make a bed on the couch. "What are you doing?" Justin asked sitting up from the huge bed he lay upon.
"I guess I am a little tired. It's not like a nap could hurt right?" Brian laughed as he finished with his makeshift bed on the relatively large couch. Justin got up and walked to the couch. He threw himself down on the newly made bed.
"I'll take the couch. You go ahead on the bed." Justin starting wrapping himself up in the comforter that lay on top everything. Brian watched the youth, who had just finished saying how much he missed a bed, give it up so easily for him to take.
Something had hit Brian then. It was that moment, not really the moment he knew that he was gay, and falling in love with Justin, because that had happened along the way. But something so small made him finally tell himself that this is what he what he felt. This is what he felt. This is what he was missing. The truth about himself, his life, and someone to share it with. He laughed at the boy who was wrapped as tight as he could possibly be, smiling at him. It was this kid, he finally admitted, that he wanted to change his life.
"Justin. get up. Go! Take the bed. I don't mind the couch." Brian said trying to tug the blankets out from under Justin. Justin started laughing hysterically shaking his head no the whole time. After five minutes of useless effort, Brian took a step back and looked at Justin. Justin stopped laughing and had a look of victory on his face. Brian knew he couldn't let himself be defeated. "Fine. You won't take the bed. I won't either. I will sit right here." Brian said stubbornly as he sat down on the opposite side of the couch Justin lay on. He had barely moved his feet before Brian fell down heavily on the couch. Brian crossed his arms and looked as a little child throwing a fit. Justin had learned how cute Brian could be when he was being stubborn and trying to get his way.
Justin had also learned from his younger brother, that kids throwing a fit should never be allowed to get their way. Justin smiled to himself and picked up all the pillows Brian had laid down. Brian saw part of this out of the corner of his eye, while still trying to look straightforward. Brian looked down however when pillows were starting to be piled on his lap. "Fine, you want to sit here, be stubborn. That arm to the couch over there was not very comfortable." Justin laid his head down on the pillows in Brian's lap. Brian finally gave up and smiled. "See, the world is prettier when you smile." Justin said cheerfully as he turned to go to sleep. Brian thought about saying something, telling Justin the way he felt or at least to let him get up but no words would form. His feelings were a mixture of fear, and happiness, and confusion. He unconsciously started to run his hand through Justin's hair and hum to Justin while he tried to think about what was going on.
Justin was really tired, and had just entered his sleep when Brian began his little song. Justin opened his eyes quickly and felt Brian's hand on his head. He heard the pure sound of Brian's voice as he hummed an unfamiliar tune. Justin lay there not moving, just barely breathing. What is he doing?' Justin questioned himself trying not to enjoy the feeling of Brian's smooth skin against his soft curls. The same thing I had done for him.' Justin answered himself thinking back two weeks to the airplane ride to LA. He smiled as he remembered how good he felt touching Brian, and how he felt when that stewardess had thought that they were together. When she thought that Justin was not alone in the world. These thoughts faded quickly, Brian's touch and song being to tempting for sleep.
SF is known for many things; it's morning sunrises not being one of them. But as Brian stared out the open bay doors that led to a balcony, and saw the sun slowly creep across the California hills on one side, and break above the water on the other, he thought it should be. He awakened to find himself no longer under Justin, but in fact, being held by Justin. Brian had managed to get on the outside of the couch, facing the balcony doors, while Justin was in-between Brian and the back of the couch. Justin's arms were wrapped around Brian's waist, his hands falling right into Brian's above Brian's stomach. Brian had been awake for awhile now, enjoying the feeling that raced across his body. He had never awoken in anyone's arms, and the only time he had awoken with anyone period, was when BSB first started out, and the guys shared rooms. He didn't know how to explain this when Justin did awake, and wouldn't have to if he got up now, but he couldn't force himself to move away from Justin. He was finally assured last night, where not even he could deny it anymore, that he was falling in love, with a guy, with Justin. He didn't understand it. They had known each other for two weeks, but here he was in his arms and enjoying it. It didn't need to understand it any further than that. Being gay had crossed his mind once, and was buried 6 seconds later, never to come back up. But this trip was to change him. Better himself if he could. And he had to know himself for that to happen. So when these feelings for Justin came up, who couldn't deny them. Even if he wanted to. They were part of him and therefore mattered as to if he would be going back on the 13th or not. He was sure he would though. Justin would be there after all. He felt he had changed since he left. It was due to Justin, but he still had changed. He knew finally himself and even Justin to a degree. The only thing he had to figure out was, `How do I tell Justin? Do I even tell Justin?'
Justin stirred. His eyes batted lightly as the sun that came over Brian's back shown in his eyes. When he saw that something was blocking the sun he immediately opened his eyes to see what was so close to him. He knew as soon as he saw the back of the Kentucky sweatshirt that Brian was in front of him. In his arms. He started getting up which caused Brian to turn around.
"'Bout time you woke up." Brian said as he looked at Justin's face. Justin looked at him with confusion and fear.
"How long have you been up?" Justin got out nervously wondering what Brian would say about his arms being around him all night long.
"About an hour. I was going to get up, but you have a tight grip, and I hated to wake you when you seemed so tired last night." Justin smiled. Brian was always so considerate. Even when being held at night by a man that he only considered a friend. At least as far as Justin knew. Not that it mattered, because Justin had decided he was straight. Brian meant nothing but friendship. The thought had been in his head a lot when he first left, because of JC. And before he ever got on the plane, it was decided in his mind. He had completely forgotten about it when he met Brian, and hadn't thought about it since. JC was not even in his mind. He completely forgot that today was the last day he had before JC let go of all his feelings for Justin. Or at least tried.
"That was sweet of you, but you didn't have to. You couldn't have gotten up. I would have if I woke up to someone's arms around me that I didn't want there." Justin laughed. `So would I.' Brian thought knowing he was fine with waking up like that every morning. Though Justin made it clear it was and accident they way they ended up, and Brian said he wanted to get up, a silence fell upon them with Justin's arms still holding on to Brian for safety. They both tried to say something, neither one getting anything to come out. Brian had slowly starting moving back towards Justin, turning so he was on his back. Justin's head had somehow found it's way moving forward, and before either knew it, Justin's head was resting on Brian's chest moving up and down in rhythm with Brian's breathing. Brian's hand rested on Justin's back as he stared at the ceiling. When he did look down at who was on his chest, he saw two blue eyes staring back at him. He smiled still trying to get out what he felt he wanted to say.
"What am I doing with you?" Is all that came out of his mouth though. Justin looked away from his eyes and thought.
"I dunno." He whispered barely audible. Brian sighed.
"I dunno either." He replied trying to say what was building up inside. Justin thought about what Brian had just said. `He doesn't know. What is that? Does he not want to know? It is not saying that he wants to be holding me. I know that much. He doesn't know what he wants.' Justin thought as he took the words Brian said in. The thing was anything Brian said Justin would have tried to rationalize that he as misreading the situation. He didn't want the arrangement that they were heading to. He slowly stood up not saying a word, Brian looking at him the whole time, as he grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom and shut the door.
"Great, way to go Brian." Brian said out loud as he got up and starting cleaning up the mess of blankets as he heard the shower run. `Did I say something wrong?' Ran through his mind.
It was almost 45 minutes later when Justin stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed, hair done perfectly, and his cologne piercing the air. Justin saw Brian's shadow against the bed, close to the balcony doors. He knew exactly where Brian stood. He walked out there and saw Brian leaning against the wall staring at the vast city.
"Bathroom's all yours man." Justin said trying to break the ice. Brian simply nodded. Justin just nodded with him understanding the uneasiness in the air. "Listen, I am tired of hotel and fast food. I am going to go and find a nice place and get some real food. I'll be back soon, OK?" There was a hint of hurt in Justin's voice. Brian heard it, but what was he to say? He hadn't gotten to actually say what he felt, but it had been fairly obvious. He knew Justin knew the way he felt. And the way Justin walked away just then, and was walking away now, he knew Justin's feelings to. "I'm sorry." Justin said, to low for Brian to hear, as he exited the door. For something that was to be a vacation, and a get away from reality, things were becoming all too familiar to Justin. Just this time, they were hurting a lot more.
JC sat by the phone, as he had done for the past ten days that Justin had been gone. His hopes were practically gone, not having heard anything from Justin; much less his decision about them together, but he waited. He had grown up with Justin, befriended Justin, and now had fallen in love with Justin, and yet he expected nothing to change. This is why he waited. Because Justin always called. And nothing had changed. This is what JC told himself. `He'll call.'
Justin must have walked LA over. He didn't have an appetite and was never intent on finding food for breakfast. He just thought it best to get out of there for awhile. Things had happened so fast, and so complicated. It was by no means a `story book love.' By the time he had gotten himself together enough to go back to the hotel, 10PM was rolling around. He had been gone all day, and had no idea what to expect when he got back. But he couldn't run from it. This trip was for him to stop running. From himself and his life.
Justin knocked on the door lightly, feeling too bad to just walk in. No answer. He knocked a little louder again, and still no answer. He took out his key card and went to open the door, only to find it unlocked. He slipped in to a dark room, the moonlight offering his only guidance. He looked around and so no signs of life beside himself. He felt a cold chill rush over him, and saw wind was coming in through the open balcony doors. He went to go shut them, but something brought him out to the edge of the balcony. He looked down, towards the shoreline, not too far from the hotel. It was a beautiful sight. He was just about to turn around before he saw a figure. A single being walking closer to him. It was a man staring out into the waves. He saw nothing but the water, but Justin saw him clearly. The man had on a long sleeve shirt that was silk by the way it danced in the wind. It appeared to be black, but Justin knew the shirt, it was dark blue. He also wore a pair of black pants, no signs of shoes or socks. Justin couldn't help but stare at the light blonde hair that shown no degree of tameness, as the wind put it in even more disarray. The stranger finally settled in on a hill and just sat with his knees supporting his arms. Justin hesitated before knowing what he had to do, and started to exit the hotel.
As he wandered down the elevator towards the first floor, a song came into his mind. As he started humming it out loud, he knew it was the beginning of what Brian had started humming to him the night before. He smiled as the thought of Brian singing to him made him feel warm and safe inside. After seeing Brian, out there, alone on the beach, Justin knew he cared for, knew he loved Brian. `Now what?' Justin thought as he found the exit to the beach and started on his way.
Even though they were in SF, and it was always hot or mild, the winter winds had traveled down the shoreline and were starting to be felt even here. Justin wrapped his arms around himself as he felt a greater chill as he approached the water. He scouted around and found the hill and the figure he had watched from above. He started making his way slowly. He still had no idea what to say.
He came up behind Brian, never getting Brian to turn around. He nodded to himself, and sat next to Brian. "Two more hours, till 2000. Can you believe it?" Justin laughed nervously not getting anything but a shake of the head 'no' from Brian. Justin stopped laughing and scooted himself in Brian's eye line. "What happened this morning, `cause I don't know. But I want to." Justin said confidently placing his hand on Brian's. A small tear escaped Brian's eye, but he still said nothing. "Brian." Justin was about to start again, but Brian hushed him.
"I am sad that I was landlocked for the first part of my life. Being in Kentucky and all. I seem to always find comfort in the waves. They are so.. Soothing, I guess. They are good listeners too. Sometimes you can't talk to people, so you find anything that will take their place." Brian seemed to pull this out of nowhere. Justin knew better though, and sat and listened. "I never told you the complete story as to way I left NY. I said that things had changed, but truth is, I changed. The problem was everything else stayed the same. And it wasn't working. I think I came out here to try and reinvent myself. To become someone who was me, but was also who I was supposed to be. You know? I dunno. But then I met you, and then things really changed. I felt comfortable around you, and would have pretty much followed you here if you would have asked, even before I knew that you were. who you are, and before I missed my plane. And I know you know how strict everyone, including your friends, can be about strangers and how you associate with them. Yet I would have followed you, a would be stranger, anywhere." Justin nodded having been put in that situation before and sensing Brian had too. "I dunno how to explain it, but somewhere over the past two weeks, you have become my best friend. I've pretty much told you everything about my life, and had more fun with you than I have had with anyone, in a long time anyway." Brian finally looked at Justin who was listening intensively to what followed Brian's last words. "I have never known love, in the romantic sense, and don't claim to now. No matter how I feel after two weeks, no matter how strong, it's not love." Justin finally let a tear slip from his eye as he wandered where this was going. "But it's close. It's too close. I am. falling in love with."
"Shhh. I know." Justin said as he leaned in and hugged the sobbing Brian in the sand.
Brian pulled away from Justin, and looked at him. "What does this mean?" He asked scared that Justin was trying to be a comforting friend. And nothing more. Justin looked him in the eyes and smiled.
"Do we have to decide this right now?" Justin said trying to comfort his friend. He really didn't want to admit it. No matter his intentions when he came out there, he was scared to death now.
Brian stood up, followed not far behind by Justin. "Yes. I need to know if you are trying to be a good friend, or.. Or you feel the same. I have to know." Brian said regaining composure as he stood in front of Justin. Justin looked at him. It was tearing him up inside to see tears run down his friend's face. And for him to know that he caused them hurt him even more.
"Over these past two weeks." Justin started off, but found himself leaning forward. He took his hand and placed it up against Brian's neck. He leaned in; tilting his head slightly, while Brian stood there shocked at what might happen. Nevertheless, he found himself leaning in towards Justin as he felt their lips lightly brush. Justin pulled away and looked into Brian's eyes. Brian nodded as he grabbed the back of Justin's neck and leaned in again. Justin smiled briefly before leaning back in. This time the kiss was intensified as Justin found his mouth opening wider offering an invitation to Brian's tongue. Brian gladly accepted as he felt the power going between him, and his new found love. Justin knew that this conveyed his feelings, more so than any words he was ready to dish out to Brian. He couldn't believe what he was doing, and who he was doing it with. This went against a lot of his childhood. But something that felt so right, to Justin who had felt a lot of wrong lately, wasn't going to be ignored.
"This is right, right?" Justin asked sheepishly as he looked at Brian.
"It is for me. Is it for you? Because only you can answer that." Brian said scared that he had made a mistake while kissing him. Or that Justin had made a mistake by kissing him in the first place.
Justin took a hold of Brian's hand and intertwined it with his own. He held their hands up to his chest and closed his eyes. Brian watched intently, seeing Justin take everything in. Justin's eyes may have been closed, but images flooded his mind as he relived every second of the past two weeks in his mind. Brian watched in anticipation. He saw a smile escape Justin's lips one or two times, and smiled along with him. He knew what he was doing. Brian had been doing it all day long. Justin finally opened his eyes and met them with Brian's. Brian looked at Justin asking the silent question that had been left unanswered. Justin nodded shyly and kissed Brian's cheek quickly.
"You say you are falling for me huh?" Justin said smiling, still holding Brian's hand. Brian nodded with a smile. "Well, that's good." Justin said smiling starting to pull Brian with him. Brian looked at him.
"Was it that?"
"Because." Justin face turned serious. "I've already fallen." Justin leaned in for one more kiss. "Come on. I found out they are having a fire works show to ring in the New Year. You can see them from the bay. If you want?" Justin asked batting his eyes. Brian laughed. Justin sure knew how to get his way. He nodded and he found himself, walking hand in hand with Justin down the beach. He knew this New Year, would be all he wanted it to be.
"Well, here it is. 10. 9.. 8. 7.. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. and 1. HAPPY NEW YEAR! This has been Casey Cason, helping you bring in the New Year. I hope that you have all made your New Year Resoul.." The voice faded along with the image as the TV was turned off. JC looked at the clock. Midnight. Justin's time had come, and gone. JC sat in the dark, letting no one see his tears, even though he was alone. Looked to him, like he would be alone forever.
TBC.
Well, did you like it? I hope so. E-mail me please at WiteLiteLeo@aol.com. Hope to hear from you. Happy New Year.