Desolation

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I want to thank Miguel Sanchez and Clark for their work editing and improving this story. I'd Llike to thank Rock Lane Cooper and George Grassby for their continued encouragement.

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DESOLATION

CHAPTERS THIRTY ONE TO FORTY *

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE *

Dean was driving by Laura's parents on the way to the motel after work Friday afternoon. There was a car in the driveway and the garage door was up. There at the front was Laura's couch. He pulled over and ran to the couch, reached down inside the cushion, pulled out his roll of bills, and stuffed the money in his pocket. As he rose up her mother came out the door. She'd never met Dean. Before she could say anything he said "Is James home?"

"There is no James that lives here" her mom replied.

Dean said "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong house" and turned and left. Two blocks down the street he pulled out the roll and counted the money. It was all there. He still hated the bitch. Now he had nearly eight thousand dollars. Life was good again.

Laura had a date that night. He was a real cute cowboy who seemed very nice and polite. He had asked her out several times before and this time she said yes. They drove into town for dinner and a movie. Aunt Patti said she looked real nice, which meant she looked good but was covered up appropriately and not wearing anything overtly sexy. The restaurant was an excellent one for steaks and catered to wealthier clientele. He drank too much. At the movie his hands were all over her. When she said "no" or "Stop" he didn't. She went to the restroom, called Aunt Patti to come get her in the women's section of the Wal-Mart and walked down the street to wait. Inside she looked around and tried on clothes until Patti showed up.

Brian was bored to death. School ended Friday and he was sitting alone at home. The girl he met at the lake had already lost interest in him. No friends called or came by. Tim and Dan weren't around. He sat in the chair on the porch and moped. Even Dog was gone. He remembered where the key to Dan's back door was hidden and thought at least there might be a couple of beers in the fridge.

"Party for one" he said as he went in the back door. He went back out and put the key where it went; "Better not forget that." Almost two cases were in the kitchen and six cold ones inside the fridge. He popped one open. His parents were gone for the evening but knew Dan was living at Bob's, so he kept the lights dim. They'd think he was out with friends anyway on a Friday night, the last day of school. He saw the computer in the bedroom and turned it on. He connected to the internet and went back into the living room. He stuck one of Dan's porno movies in and went for another beer. He put more in to get cold. Letting the movie play, he went to the den and knocked pool balls around a while, spying the whiskey bottle up on the high shelf. He got it down and took it with him back into the living room. The porno was damn wild. It was a bi flick with guys doing guys doing girls doing girls and every combination; and the damn thing was four hours long. One scene had two girls holding a guy's legs down so he could suck his own dick. It was a huge dick. He laughed like hell. He had the thought "Yeah, if men were like dogs, they'd all lick their own dicks." He jacked off once and got bored with the whole porn thing. He left it running and went to play on the computer. The porno played in one room, music played in the den, and he played on the computer. Go figure.

One gulp of whiskey had been enough, too much really, he hated that shit. He got a third beer and set about finding some chat on the net. He put in a username of Desolation69, nothing too creative. He found a chat room for West Texas teens. Some guy named Boomboxboi was the most talkative. Messages flashed back and forth between them for a couple of hours. They were both bored on a Friday night the last day of school. He was eighteen and lived in Desolation, too. They'd seen each other at school but never talked. It was cool. They exchanged numbers and would try to get together some during the summer. He signed off and crashed in Dan's bed. The TV was a blue screen. The radio station was off the air and it was silent in the den. The computer screen was black waiting for someone to hit a key. Only four beers were gone.

Gary was asleep waiting for Donnie to show up at the cabin. Nothing seemed right. It was Friday night before graduation. Johnny and Donnie should be there. They should be partying their asses off. That was how it should be.

Gary knew Johnny wouldn't show up if he wasn't there already. He usually came early in the evening. Donnie had never taken off like this. He always told Gary what he was up to even if he didn't tell anyone else.

He smoked one joint by himself and drank a six pack. Their caps and gowns were hung up near the door on a nail. He should have gotten in one of the beds.

He woke up at ten the next morning. Graduation started at noon. He dropped off Donnie's cap and gown at his aunt and uncle's house, "Donnie didn't show up, he'll get here, don't worry" he told them. He went home to clean up and get ready. His mom wanted to take pictures before they left.

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO *

When the radio station came back on the air, the noise woke Brian up. He turned everything off, straightened the bed, and picked up the beer cans. The whiskey went back up on the high shelf in the den. He had the yard mowed, the mower put up back at his house, and was sitting on the porch drinking beer in one of Dan's coffee cups when the guys drove up.

Dan gave Brian his money and he begged to go fishing with them. It was already eight. Brian loved the Dodge. They loaded the gear and the ice chest and beer. At the Gas'n'Go they bought ice, bait, and cokes. Bob's gear was already in the truck.

The road to the far side of the lake seemed a lot rougher, or was it unnoticed before with the bad shocks on the old trucks? They split up more to fish today. Dan and Tim kept their usual spots, Brian fished between them. Johnny and Bob went further down the shore to another creek inlet, carrying bait and beer with them.

Brian caught the first fish. It was a decent pound and a half crappie. Bob liked catfish best for eating, so he put out two poles with stink bait on treble hooks dropped down to lay near the bottom. Then he set a line with two minnows on a crappie rig since Brian had brought in a crappie. Before long he caught two sand bass at the same time. Johnny Mac had one pole with a minnow and one pole with a worm. His first fish was a big yellow disk shaped sun fish, different from the usual blue gill perch more common out west. He replaced the worm and tossed the line back in. Dan and Tim both brought in black bass between two and three pounds about the same time. They were in the better spots to get the bigger game fish where the schools of smaller fish swam near deeper water.

Everyone was catching fish. By noon no one had gotten a bite in over half an hour. There were still a dozen minnows left, but Bob said he had an old stone water trough by the barn he always put his leftover minnows in and they seemed to thrive there. It was a big haul of sixty eight fish; six cats caught by Bob and the rest a mix of game fish. Brian and Bob tied for the most fish with sixteen each. They kept patting each other on the back and saying "Hey lucky."

Bob's gear included two big tubs with lids to put the fish in. The gear was all loaded and they started back to the ranch. This time they took the road that circles to the south, back toward the dam and the highway instead of the north side road they usually traveled.

Johnny Mac spotted Donnie's truck as they headed toward the dam. "Hey guys, can you hang here for a minute and let me look for Donnie? He's supposed to be graduating right now and shouldn't be out here. I was asked to go myself, but it's not my thing." They agreed and pulled up a little way from the red truck.

It looked empty and sat tilted so Johnny Ray walked toward the shore calling "Donnie, Donnie" as he walked. The terrain was rough in this area and it wasn't possible to drive any closer to the shore, which was quite a distance away. Tim walked over to the truck. Donnie lay across the seat and after several days of hot weather, the sight was bad. He went back to the truck and had Bob call the sheriff. The shots must have thrown him back across the seat and the door was shut or he would have been a mess. Coyotes would surely have torn him to pieces.

As the sheriff's car was driving up Johnny Ray walked back. "Oh shit man, better stash the beer quick. I couldn't find Donnie, he must have wrecked here and left the truck" he said getting close. They could see an ambulance approaching following in the same path the sheriff had come. Johnny was running and screaming now and two sheriff's deputies were looking into the red truck. Bob grabbed Johnny by the shoulders and tried to stop him saying "Johnny, you don't want to look." Johnny was moving too fast and pulled away, continuing on to the truck.

The smell hit him first. With a door open now, it reeked of death. You could see the barrel still on his chest and his fingers still touching the trigger, but the body was so bloated there was nothing that resembled Donnie in the corpse lying across the seat. The deputy stopped Johnny and said, "You'll have to step away son, we have some work to do here." The other deputy told them they had to leave "it is a crime scene and we can't have anyone in the area," he said. Johnny was screaming and bawling, but they managed to get him in the truck. Bob hugged Johnny Ray close to him all the way back to the ranch. He never stopped bawling. When they got out of the truck, Johnny bent over with his hands on his knees and started throwing up. They got him to wash his mouth out and wiped off his face with a wet towel. Bob gave him a glass of whiskey and he slammed it down. He gave him another and he sat on the couch blubbering into the glass. Johnny kept saying "oh, god, oh god" but nothing more; he kept drinking and crying.

Johnny didn't ask why. He knew the answer already. Donnie was wearing the same shorts he had on when he left the cabin. No one saw his reaction as anything other than grief for the loss of a friend. Johnny didn't think he cared about anyone but himself. He didn't think he had a conscience. No, he wouldn't steal, unless maybe it was beer or booze, or weed, or better yet cash; but if he thought any shit would come back to him, it didn't seem worth the hassle. If a punk had it, he'd just take it from him without giving it a thought. In a situation like Bob's house a case or a bottle today wasn't worth loosing a freely given supply that would be there another day. No, in situations like that he always did the right thing, always behaved himself, but might loose it if he was drunk and fuck things up. His strength, his temper, and his violent nature would snap all the time if someone pissed him off. He still knew when and around which people to keep his temper in check. He would fight at the drop of a hat and sometimes even fuck someone up just because he was pissed and they were there. He wondered if he cared about Donnie and Gary or were they just punks he used and got used by. He had thought that was the way he felt, but the sex and Donnie dying had him thinking crazy. He felt guilt. He felt anger. He was confused about everything but the more he drank the less he thought about anything. He stopped crying. After a while, he passed out.

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE *

Bob stayed in the house with Johnny Mac. Dan, Tim, and Brian were busy a while cleaning fish. Around the corner of the house from the patio, Bob had a garden shed with a sink and washing table for the vegetables brought in from the garden. He kept his tools, the tiller, and mowers there, too. It was his place to clean fish, too. The mood was very somber. None of them had known Donnie; Brian had seen him and knew who he was but no more. Their concern was for Johnny. When suicides happened, they seemed to be contagious and were followed by more deaths, and no one could say if Donnie's death was suicide or an accident. Like everything else lacking in such a small town, there was no counseling available, the duty of comforting and healing the living was left to friends and family, or a minister. Ministers tend to be less than helpful when a death is by suicide and in Donnie's death, that couldn't be ruled out yet.

Bob joined the others after Johnny passed out. The fish were cleaned and filleted, just the cleaning up remained. The chickens and ducks got the remains of the fish. Bob and Brian carried them down and stopped by the horse barn before going back. Brian raved about the horses. Even living in the country his exposure to ranch life was limited.

Dan had his own battles with death. Life had changed so much in just one week and he hoped his thoughts would change too. They didn't. At the strangest times when everything seemed perfect, that thought of suicide would hit him. He go to the john or away from everyone for a few minutes and shake it off, like a chill, and come back with no one ever noticing any change of mood. Sometimes he'd get bitchy for a while or crack a few jokes that were out of character. It was never anything to give a hint he thought of suicide.

"Oh man, those are beautiful horses! Bob says I can ride them whenever I want" Brian burst out as he and Bob walked up. The ranch wasn't all manicured fields. The pasture offered several trails in areas that weren't blocked up with fences to control grazing. Several stock tanks were in the back and were the fishing holes Bob fished most often. "I'll take you back on the trails anytime you want" Bob offered. "The horses need to be ridden to stay used to it. I can teach you to rope, too. They're all cutting horses."

"Hey, I could get into that myself" Tim said. He had done it a few times with Dan and other friends in the past, in high school, way in the past. Neither of them had horses or any place to keep them so he'd forgotten all about it. Dan had still ridden working on his old job, but mostly herding, never roping, and the horses were only available when needed for work. The old boss was an asshole. His horses weren't cared for much either. They'd just run loose in a pasture grazing what they could find and had to be caught up when they were needed for work. They might even try to buck you off until you sat their back a while.

Laura had heard about Donnie. Janet who worked with her on Saturdays made a point of telling everyone who came in that evening saying "poor boy, so sad' and things like that. Laura wasn't really sure which boy he was, just one who came in occasionally. "You know which one Laura. That pot smoking kid who comes in so stoned all the time" Janet added. Laura thought speaking bad of the dead was in bad taste and changed the subject.

Gary had been home from graduation about a half an hour before the sheriff's car pulled up in front of the house. They were celebrating the graduation and the whole family was there, Donnie's parents and family, too. They were a little pissed at Donnie, but he graduated anyway with Gary accepting his diploma and they could take pictures later, they thought.

The deputy related the events with as much compassion as he could muster, but the crying and wailing couldn't be avoided. He said that Tim had found him coming home from fishing and Johnny Mac, with him, had identified him. He advised them not to view the body due to its condition; "remember him as he was and don't mess up that memory with such a terrible sight." He said they could make arrangements with a funeral home as soon as the coroner released the body and gave them his card.

Gary was devastated but his reaction was "how could you go away and leave me here alone?" He called him names and cursed and spouted out his rage eventually falling into the same grief that overcame Johnny Mac. He needed to see Johnny Mac but the family kept him there to grieve together.

Johnny Mac woke up just as supper was ready. He was still somber but able to talk. Tears only roiled down his cheeks a few times. He ate a hearty meal. The fried fish was great. More alcohol followed the food. Dan seemed to have a gift for counseling about death. He'd had to give himself the same talk so many times he knew just what to say, no one else knew that. Bob had another toy he brought up to get the mood lighter. He had a karaoke set-up and a big assortment of CDs that went with it. He set-up a camera that recorded onto DVDs to save all the performances. It worked, who would have thought Bob liked to sing? Everybody took a turn, even Johnny Mac.

Brian got permission to stay the night. Bob said for him to sleep wherever he wanted, in any bedroom or on the couches in them or the couch in den was fine, just be comfortable. He stayed in the kitchen playing on the computer after everyone went to bed.

Boomboxboi was online again. The messages went between them for a couple of hours again. There is a lot to getting acquainted. Actually they got to know each other better than they would have in person because all you can do is talk, no interruptions from other activities or interference from other people. Their last topic was Donnie's death. Boomboxboi said he didn't feel like talking about it right now, Donnie and Gary were both his cousins, but he would see Brian at the funeral. Then he signed off.

Brian didn't want to sleep in the den. Being up so late he didn't want to wake up early the next morning. He walked down the hall into Bob's room. Bob looked so peaceful, with a smile as he slept. Brian brushed the hair out of his eyes with his hand leaving him with his dreams. He thought Dan and Tim might be embarrassed if he slept in their room so he passed it by. In the other hall the three empty rooms were all nice but he couldn't decide so he looked in on Johnny. Johnny was whimpering in his sleep. He crawled into the bed putting his arms around Johnny and the whimpering stopped so he stayed there and slept next to Johnny Mac. It seemed like the right thing to do and he was comfortable.

The light coming through the window was already bright as Johnny started to wake up the next morning. His arm was wrapped around Brian and he was spooned up against him with his hardon pressed against the crack of Brian's ass. As he moved Brian woke up, too. Johnny rolled to the far side of the bed and started crying again. "I'm so sorry Brian. I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to" and he cried some more until snot was running down from his nose.

"Don't cry Johnny. It's natural to wake up cuddling if you sleep with someone and every guy wakes up with a boner" Brian wanted him to feel better not worse or he wouldn't be there. "Hell, I've woken up with mine poking Dan in the butt when I slept over there." He reached over and put his arms around Johnny and just held him until the tears went away. Then he tugged him up and said "Come on man, lets go cross our streams and you can blow out your nose." Johnny was a big guy but as their piss mixed in the toilet he thought that for being eighteen, Brian might outgrow him. Brian started to reach for his shorts, but Johnny grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the kitchen saying "Breakfast is the naked meal in this house unless ladies are present, house rules."

Brian had juice while the rest drank coffee. All he ever drank in a coffee cup was beer when he sat on Dan's porch. His mom would say "Why don't you drink coffee at home?" after she saw him earlier drinking from a cup at Dan's. He'd just say "Aw mom, Dan buys a different kind and it tastes better." She'd come back with "Ask him what kind and I'll buy you some since you like it." He'd always say "I will" but never did; he didn't think she'd buy him beer.

Pastries were breakfast, some frozen ones that just had to be heated, and they all pitched in on the chores. There were already plenty of veggies in fridge and freezer, so they made up mixed bags to take to Maria, Patti, Brian's mom, and Johnny's parent's later in the day. Then they all went out to ride the horses. Bob showed them how a roping horse did its job using the dairy calf. It ran out of the shoot with the horse behind it and when the rope was thrown it stopped. When the rope hit the ground, it started backing up. They let the calf loose and shooed it back in the pen with the cow. It probably wouldn't run a second time anyway.

Riding down the stock lane between the pastures they came to the larger open pasture at the back where the stock lane took a curve. The gates were built where you could open them from horseback without getting off. Bob latched it back against the fence so they would only have to close it on the way back. The terrain changed from the flat profile of the fields and managed pasture to rough and hilly land. There were cedar breaks along the sides of shallow cliffs and hillsides with large rocks and boulders all around. It fell sharply from the elevation at the house and at the bottom was the creek bed that flowed down from the lake dam. The banks were covered in willows with only a few open places where you could get through the brush to the stream. It had a small flow now but would dry up as the summer went on. Bob pointed out one water gap and said "that's one we have to fix after rains a lot, two more are toward the other side of the pasture." It was a high welded gap gate that would swing up to let brush pass beneath carried by the flow and that type only needed the remaining brush cleaned from under the gap gate so it would close again. It was pretty fancy and most ranches had simpler ones that took more work to repair.

Dan led one saddled horse behind him so all six would get exercised. They saw deer several times, jackrabbits, turkeys, and one armadillo. The first stock tank was decent size and like the second one the water was muddy red. The third had clear water and was surrounded by willows and cottonwoods. Bob said it was spring fed. They stopped there and tied the horses. It had a little sandy beach. They shucked their clothes and went in for a swim. They had a great time splashing and playing and sat on a big rock to dry off before they got dressed again. Dan switched horses for the ride back. Bob said they'd see the water gaps and more stock tanks another time, "Don't want to shoot your whole wad all at once, you know."

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR *

Donnie's family was having a hard time finding a preacher who would do the service without a sermon on suicide and none would consider that it might have been an accident. The worst was their own pastor who ranted on about people who commit suicide being condemned to hell and the entire clan decided to leave his church for good. Their family had attended that church for generations. Now it would have thirty five fewer members. They wanted to bury Donnie with compassion and concern for their grief, not hell fire and damnation. The service would be held in the school gymnasium if a preacher could be found. Boomboxboi's name was Shaun. He rode with Gary that morning to keep an eye on him. The family was afraid he'd do something stupid and wouldn't let Gary leave without him.

They visited a couple of friends in the morning, but on Sunday morning only a few were at home, and there weren't many Gary counted as friends. For him, who he counted as a friend was pretty limited to one person—Johnny Mac. With Donnie gone, his next closest friend after Johnny Mac was Shaun. They called Johnny from his parent's house and got directions to Bob's.

The drive took too long, too damn long. Donnie kept watching the mailbox numbers as they passed them going down the road. Shaun was digging his fingers into the seat. He hadn't ridden much with Gary driving and Gary's focus was on the mailbox numbers, not the road. When they pulled in it felt like an hour had passed. Only a few minutes was all it had taken. Johnny and Brian were leaned against Johnny's truck waiting for them.

"Check out my truck, man. Bob says I can have it when I wear it out and he has to buy a new one for me to use." Johnny opened the doors so they could all get a good look and started the engine. He revved it a few times and shut it off. They were impressed. Gary hadn't paid much attention to it before. He'd been focused on finding Donnie and this time his inspection was more enthusiastic. Johnny wasn't ready for the serious matters yet. He led them on a tour of the barns, they looked in the bunk houses and Martin's little house, saw the horses and the garden. Then they walked around to the back past the pool and whirlpool and came inside from the patio. Introductions were given all around and quickly came a tour of the house, then back to the den. Johnny started to pour some drinks at the bar when Bob spoke up "only if they're staying the night, Johnny or just cokes."

"We'd love to, Bob. If it's OK we'll stay. We were going out to the cabin. There's too much going on at home. This beats hell out of staying out there." Gary was polite and said he'd call home and tell the family in case they came looking for them. Tim and Brian had made a quick trip dropping off the veggies from Bob's garden and with permission to stay a few days, Brian grabbed clothes and what he needed from home. He'd be staying, too. It was a full house, now. It had been very empty a long time.

Johnny started to pour glasses of tequila when Brian spoke up "Hey Tim, can you make us something that tastes good? Drinking liquor straight out of the bottle tastes like shit." Tim took over the bartending real quick. Although he knew how to make a variety of drinks, Tim's taste went toward the simple ones. He usually drank whiskey on the rocks or with coke, but mostly drank beer. He looked over everything and scratched his head. He checked the juices in the fridge. There were damn sure more ingredients than he knew what to do with.

Bob had steaks ready to cook for supper. The drinks couldn't be too strong. He went with weak and simple. He made some lemonade (it was pink, but what the hell) and used it to make Tom Collins. The way he made them, beer was probably stronger. After pouring one glass he decided to mix the whole pitcher. Sometimes laziness can come in handy.

Dan knew the discussion of Donnie's death was going to start eventually. He was surprised it hadn't already. A little fun after at least a day of grief and sadness had to help. Shaun and Brian wanted to get in the whirlpool. When they suggested it, it sounded good all around. Johnny took the lead and stripped off, laying his clothes on a bench nearby. Tim brought the pitcher and a tub of ice and they all got in. The whirlpool was made for eight, but seven guys filled it tight enough.

When the pitcher was dry and they all started to wrinkle up, they got out to start the steaks. After supper Johnny and Gary retreated to Johnny's room to go about their grieving. Shaun and Brian took another bedroom to get acquainted. Peace set in. It was a big house.

Dan, Tim, and Bob sat in the Den watching TV. Tim had the remote control and found a movie to watch. Bob was happy having others in the house after being alone so many years. Dan was deep in thought. He wasn't focused on the movie. His relationship with Tim had changed a lot in just a few days. They were not much more affectionate, just an occasional hug or a touch. Kissing was a foreign thing but became more frequent at private intimate times. The real change was that they were together as much as possible. Dan had never had an active social life. His world was Tim and Brian with occasional visits of others in their company. His co-workers were nothing more than mannequins in his life. Tim's job took him all around the area. He knew everyone and had such a sparkling personality they all warmed up to him. When Dan sat alone at home in the past, he always thought Tim was having fun with other friends; Tim did have an occasional date or night out with others, but more often he sat alone himself thinking Dan needed time away from him or he would wear out his welcome. Those reasons were gone now. For both of them, it was a comforting feeling to know they were loved.

Dan's job with Bob brought the best out in him. His experience was so broad that with the possibilities open for new endeavors, he could discuss everything he had ever considered with Bob. Bob had been looking, too, and they gave each other more new ideas to consider. Whatever Bob decided, it had to be practical, only require a reasonable amount of work and investment, and the land needed to be easily converted to other uses if it wasn't profitable.

There was a scratch on the patio door, it was Dog. He took the spot on the pillow by the fireplace. He hadn't been used to being inside so much. Dan had seen him a lot lately down by the chicken pen, just sitting there looking at them. He had followed them a while during their ride that morning, too, but took off after a jackrabbit. He was just now getting back.

Johnny Mac managed to get most of the story told of finding Donnie before he broke down. Gary got a little pissed. "You're supposed to be the big strong guy who gets me to stop crying, damn it, Johnny, not the other way around. Neither of us would have ever thought this would happen and we'll never know why." Gary had a few tears running down his face, too. Johnny grabbed him tight and said "I'm just so sorry he's dead." Gary came back with "I'm madder than hell he bailed on me. I drove around this morning talking to friends. Except for you, I don't even like a damn one of them."

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

Monday morning was back to the usual routine for the most part. Dan and Bob were making pancakes when Tim drug in at nearly the time he had to leave for work. The guests and Johnny were already eating, boys are bottomless pits. Dan and Bob had talked while cooking before anyone came in the kitchen. "I think Johnny might need the next few days off" Bob threw in, "With the boys here, he needs to have time to grieve at least until the funeral Wednesday."

"For me, when I'm at my lowest after something like this, if I do my best to pass each day normally, the pain and depression goes away faster. It's not like my best friend got killed or anything, but granny, mom, and dad died, and I've suffered from depression all my life. Just getting out of bed in the morning can be hard, but it helps." Dan said that without going into his battle with suicidal thoughts.

Bob took the middle ground. After breakfast he made a proposal to the guys "If ya'll want to help Johnny do the chores, mow the yard, and weed the garden, he can take the rest of the day off, and ya'll can do whatever you want the rest of the day." The garden was mulched a foot deep with hay and damn near had no weeds at all. It had a sprinkler system on timers like the yard, but the grass was getting high in the yard. Bob hadn't mowed in over a week. They agreed to help Johnny, and for the hospitality at Bob's house. Bob and Dan returned to testing wells, leaving the guys alone.

Working on the wells, they talked. "Why were you depressed, Dan?" the conversation began.

"I lie to myself and say my brain chemistry is screwed up, but I don't really know. Sometimes I'm happy when I should be sad and sad when I should be happy. I'd say it's because I like guys in a straight world, but I know the feelings started before I even knew I liked guys. It's all messed up Bob, but it's still a battle. I've never stopped being depressed." Dan answered.

"Does Tim know? I wouldn't have guessed." Bob frowned. "I always figured if you wanted to be happy in this world, you had to make yourself happy the best way you could. It's never seemed like anyone gave a shit if I was happy or not."

"Tim would think it was something he did, if he noticed, but I think you've got it pretty much right. I do think that people who love you want you to be happy. Depression is kind of crazy though. It's being unhappy for no damn reason at all." Dan closed up the switch box. Ants had built a nest inside and had to be cleaned out before they tried it. He flipped the switch. "This one seems to be working." The water began to flow out of the pipe and the volume increased. "As old as these pumps are, it's a miracle any of them work."

"How did you know you liked guys?"

"I don't really know what Tim would say, don't really understand how he feels, but I was never interested in girls. I tried but maybe girls sensed something about me that I didn't really know myself. I've never had a date or had sex with a woman. I've never had sex with anyone except Tim. I've gotten a hardon around guys but never gotten one with a woman. I fought the feelings. Even the first time with Tim was an accident. We were wrestling around and his dick was right in my face. I grabbed his dick and he grabbed mine. I swallowed it down to the base at his pubes and Tim moaned. Not to be out done, he did the same thing to me. We hadn't thought about it, it just happened. Having a warm mouth on my dick felt so good, I couldn't stop. I think Tim felt the same way. I felt him throbbing and got a mouth full of cum. I fired mine off right then. We both swallowed the loads. Then Tim asked if we could do it again and I said yes. We were fourteen and we've been doing it and more ever since then."

Dan's mind was flooded with things to say but he couldn't, he hadn't ever expressed them before, even to Tim. "One thing I know for sure. If it had been a choice, I wouldn't have chosen to like guys. I was in love with Tim for years before anything ever happened. I wanted it to be the way you loved your best friend, but it was a lot more. It made me ache inside. I wanted him to be happy more than I wanted to be alive. After we had sex the first time, I went to bed for a week. I told everyone I was sick. I was sure I'd destroyed our friendship and lost him forever. He came and crawled in bed with me and held me. He told me I had to get better because he was going crazy without me around."

"No one ever liked me in school. I was a skinny geek and didn't grow or fill out until after I graduated. My dad was an ass. I was another possession like this ranch and reminded him of my mom. You have no idea how hard it has been just to feel good about myself. I have no idea what I like. The only boner I've ever gotten with anyone around was that first night you came over and we were in the whirlpool. The porn I've watched always had men and women in it. Maybe I should watch some with just women or just men and see what turns me on. I always thought I'd live the rest of my life alone. I don't want it to be like that anymore." Bob knew his world had changed. "I knew Maria and Charlie loved me. Martin was gruff. He was distant. We didn't talk. When he died he left me all his money and I knew he loved me, too. He lived his life alone and very lonely. I don't want to live like that."

They worked checking out more wells and talking. Lunch time snuck up on them. The boys and Tim were cooking burgers when they got to the house. The yard was mowed, the garden was weeded. Three large crates of veggies from the garden were stacked on the kitchen counter. Johnny hadn't seen how veggies were prepped and packed for freezing, but the freezer had plenty already. "Can you take the veggies to the priest at the Catholic Church after lunch, Johnny? We have more than we need right now and some things aren't producing yet, we need to leave some room in the freezer." Bob looked around and noticed the place had been swept and mopped and the rugs vacuumed. Most of the house was tile floors with area rugs. He had most of the carpet taken out after his dad died, it had been getting ratty and was as old as the house. The tile was easier to keep clean. "Nice job cleaning too guys!" he added.

"Sure, we'll take the veggies to the church. Can we check out the bunk houses this afternoon, Bob?" Johnny wanted to see what they looked like inside.

"There's a key board on the office wall with tags, so go ahead. The keys to the four wheelers are on the board, too, if ya'll want to play some." Bob thought if Johnny had the afternoon off it shouldn't be work. Dan and Bob returned to work on more wells. It was one then. The afternoons were short. Chores still had to be done on weekends and harvest times required longer days until crops were in so regular work days tended to be somewhere near eight hours long.

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX *

The priest was a young man, about twenty six, of mixed heritage, Anglo and Mexican. He had been in Desolation just over a year and served several area churches, keeping him busy from Friday evening through Sunday evening each week. In all he served seven churches, all with small rural congregations and considered missions by the church, but the rectory was in Desolation. Again it was a hot day. His dark curly hair contrasted with his blue eyes and fair skin, making his hair look blacker and his eyes a deeper blue. He had only done a daily mass at seven each morning in Desolation, but had stopped because most mornings he found himself alone at the church with no one to say mass for. This afternoon, he sat barefoot and shirtless in basketball shorts matching his favorite team, the Spurs, on the porch of the rectory.

The priest he replaced was a stern old Irishman from New York who only did the mass in English and had spent forty years in Desolation. Clavo Davis grew up in the liberal environment of Santa Fe, New Mexico. Nearly all the congregations he served were predominantly Mexican, with few who spoke English fluently. He only said the Sunday evening mass in Desolation in English, the morning mass there was in Spanish. He was drinking a beer and trying to follow along with a new Santana CD on his guitar when the boys drove up. He noticed the crates of veggies they were unloading and set his guitar down as the CD continued to play. The song was 'Turn Your Lights On'.

"Do you know where the priest is, Bob Esterhazy sent us with these veggies for him?" Johnny inquired.

"I'm Father Davis, but you can call me Clavo if we're not in church" Clavo answered.

"Thank Bob for me if you will. Maria brings veggies from him all the time, but I've only met him a couple of times. Ask him to visit me sometime; I need to thank him again in person. We have a lot of poor families that really appreciate what he gives us."

The boys were in shock. Here was this six foot two guy with washboard abs, who looked like one of their buds and played guitar standing in front of them. He didn't look like a priest. He didn't even look like a preacher. He was even drinking a beer. They carried the crates into his kitchen and the veggies were all sorted out along the counter. Brian took the crates back to the truck. Clavo gave Johnny a beer but offered cokes to the rest, Johnny looked old enough. He didn't ask. Clavo picked up his guitar again and began to play along with the music.

"Clavo, what do you think about suicide? I mean, would you talk bad about someone at their funeral if they did it?" Gary had to ask.

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Intervention is the best thing you can do, but after someone is dead it's too late. It's time then to help those left behind, the survivors, just as you would do for any death. I prefer to have friends and family tell stories of good times they had with the person and to talk about the love and joy they brought into their lives. I don't usually mention how they died, I tell how they lived." Clavo answered. "Even a criminal, a murderer should be buried with compassion. It's not our place to judge, that is for God and I believe he forgives us all."

Gary told the story of Donnie's death, briefly. He added that how he died was unknown, but suicide was a possibility. He gave Clavo the phone numbers for Donnie's parents and asked him to call. They might not like a catholic priest doing the service, but his heart was in the right place. Johnny drew a map to Bob's and left the phone number as well.

The boys spent some time exploring the bunk houses and Martin's house. The bunk houses were identical. They had five rooms on each side with double bed sized bunk beds, a closet, desk, and dresser in each one. One end was a large bathroom with a shower for six, two toilets, a urinal, and three sinks. A long table went through the center of the room. At the other end were couches and chairs with a TV and a fireplace to the side. Between the two buildings was a kitchen building, completely equipped. It had a huge pantry, fridges, and freezers; all unused for a very long time. A light coating of dust covered everything from the tile floors to the furniture. The ceiling fans in each room were a mass of spider webs. Martin's house was spotless. There were cleaning supplies in the kitchen and they started working. The ceiling fans and the corners got dusted out first, and then all the mattresses were beaten out. The floors came last. The brooms were old and lost a few straws in the process but got the sweeping done. They didn't wash all the windows which were fogged over and needed it badly, but that could wait for another day. A little pine sol in the mop water got things smelling good. It was five thirty by then, so they headed to the house for supper.

Clavo was playing his guitar and having a drink as they came in. He talked while he played, never looking at his hands "Thanks for getting me in touch with Bob guys. I already got a tour of the garden. Gary, your aunt and uncle asked me to do the service. I'd like you and his friends and family to write something to say there. I'd say that what comes from the heart at the moment would be fine, but emotions make people forget what they want to say. It's better if it's written down."

Clavo stopped playing to look through Bob's CD collection. "Damn Bob, you've got a great collection here. CDGs too, you must do karaoke."

Surprised to hear him cuss, Bob came back with "I like to sing and it's a lot of fun."

Tim cooked supper that night. Tim's fried chicken was damn good. Dan was surprised, "You've been holding out on me for years, bud," he said. It was true that Tim could only cook a few things. After the meal when Clavo was about to leave, he confided "This has been a great evening guys. My friends I grew up with, back home, still treat me like one of the guys, but it seems that to everyone else I'm just a priest. Thanks for letting me be human for a while." Bob gave him an open invitation to come back any time. They would all see him on Wednesday at Donnie's funeral.

The next day went about the same as Monday until the afternoon. Neither Tim nor Dan had done their banking the previous week. Suits for the funeral had to be bought for everyone. Bob bought suits for Gary, Shaun, and Brian. They looked at bed linens for the bunkhouse but decided they were too bulky to buy right now. They ate supper at an all you can eat Chinese Buffet. Gary and Shaun went home that night, new suits in hand. The next day would be hard to get through. Brian took on the chore of getting everyone's boots cleaned up and polished.

After chores Wednesday, rather than getting into the other projects, they went to see the boy's work on the bunkhouses. A fresh paint job would help, but they really looked good. It was unlikely there would ever be another use for the bunkhouses other than as they were intended or as a party place, but cleaning them up meant they could be used. Tim came in about eleven, having taken off early to eat lunch and get dressed for the funeral.

As they entered the school gym, Clavo was at the front playing a soft instrumental hymn. Johnny had to join the other pall bearers on the front row. The large family filled the rows next to the pall bearers and several more behind them. There had been no vigil the night before, because it would have had to be in town so people greeted the family and offered their sympathy before the service began. It was a half hour early when the guys arrived from the ranch.

Clavo began with the words "We come together to celebrate the life of Donnie Mitchell, who will be greatly missed by all who knew him." Several friends, including Johnny, his cousins Gary and Shaun, and members of the family all told stories of their memories of times with Donnie. Each speaker was followed by a song, some of them Donnie's favorites and some of them hymns. His grandmother and his parents spoke last. Clavo did a more protestant style service that still included bible readings of hope for the world to come and a short compassionate homily. He then sang a song he had written as the casket was carried out. His voice was clear and bright and it was a fitting end to the service.

The casket was very light. Donnie had to be cremated because of the condition of his body and the odor even if it had been sealed. Cremation was frowned upon and the casket was used to keep the fact a private matter. It had not been a huge crowd, but for Desolation, it brought together a lot of people.

Clavo rode to the cemetery with Bob, Tim, and Dan. It wasn't traditional since the minister usually rode at the front of the procession behind the family. It wasn't traditional for a priest to wear a suit or perform a protestant service, either, but the needs of the survivors came first. Like any funeral, many tears were shed.

The rose blanket covering the casket and then the grave was all yellow roses. Yellow means 'I'm sorry' and was chosen because his parents wished they could have spared his life. There is never truly any closure when a death is unexpected and the victim is so young.

Before returning home Johnny wanted to visit the place by the lake where Donnie died. With Clavo in tow, they drove to the backside of the lake. As they watched and then joined in, Johnny built a fire hearth circled by stones and placed stones around it spelling out Donnie. They built a fire and watched it burn down as Clavo played his guitar. When the fire burned down, they carried some dirt back to the graveside and Clavo played again while the handfuls of dirt were cast on the grave.

After dropping Clavo off to get his car, he followed them to the ranch for supper at Bob's invitation. Bob had decided it was pizza night. He got to work immediately after the got home. His bread maker was great for making the dough. It only made two pizzas at a time, though. Since a batch took about twenty minutes to go through the first rise and be ready to spread out on the pans, he and Dan got all the toppings ready to make four and fixed a big salad. Johnny and Brian drug Clavo to see their work on the bunkhouses.

The furniture was all in the rustic style. It gave the place a contemporary southwestern look. "This is a cool place, guys. It reminds me of Santa Fe a lot" Clavo praised them on their efforts, thinking there should be some good use for the buildings. Brian left them alone to go and gather some more bell peppers from the garden for the pizzas. Sitting on one of the couches, Johnny turned to Clavo asking, "You do that confession thing, don't you Clavo?"

"Yeah Johnny, I do. Do you know anything about it?"

"Not really Clavo, but I've done a lot of praying lately and it ain't helping any."

"Well, the main thing is that I can't ever repeat anything I'm told in confession. What I'm told is usually a sin or what someone thinks is a sin, but it might be anything they feel bad about or feel they did wrong. Confession is to receive forgiveness and on a more modern way, to set a person at ease about what is bothering them. It's partly religious and partly just counseling."

Johnny related the story of his experience in New Orleans. He told about his failed attempts at sex and his revulsion for homosexuality. "I was the quarterback. I might have gotten a boner in the showers a few times, but I'd never even have thought about touching another guy." He went on with his story as Clavo listened. "A while back I got drunk with Donnie and Gary out at the cabin. We did that a lot. I don't remember what happened, but the next day they said I made them suck me and I fucked them." It happened several times. He got tenser. "Last Tuesday I was there with Donnie alone. After we drank a few beers, I told him to do me again the way he had done before since I didn't remember it. He didn't complain. He did what I asked and just made me grease up my dick before I fucked him. I must have fucked him all night. He was covered in his own cum the next morning. He asked me to pull out and let him go piss. When he went outside, he got in his truck and left. No one ever saw him again. I'm sure I'm at fault in some way for his death."

Clavo held Johnny Mac as the tears burst forth. "God made straight people and gay people Johnny and it's not something a person can change. God doesn't make mistakes. As humans we make mistakes all the time, some of the worst are failing to give our understanding to others and condemning them in our shortsightedness. I don't know if what happened between you and Donnie was his reason for his death; we'll never know that. You have your whole life ahead of you. Let this all be something that makes you a better person. Learn to accept and love yourself and to love others around you. Say prayers for Donnie. I never knew him, but from what I've seen the last few days, you did care for him."

Clavo and Johnny were late getting back. Gary and Shaun had come in their absence. Two more pizzas were in the oven and only scraps remained of the first four. After eating the eight guys were drinking beer in the whirlpool again. The beer supply was getting low. Bob had kept ordering more each week for a long while but never drank much in the past. Only two cases remained, and then it would have to be liquor until the delivery brought more the next day. He ordered a lot extra for this week, not being sure what would be consumed regularly.

Johnny's mood was considerably improved. He had been very somber since Donnie's death and was light hearted and joking now. "Guys, I think I'm gay" Johnny announced with a joking tone.

"Well no duh, I figured that out a while ago and I don't think you're alone" Gary came back. "You're not a very damn horny fucker though. We slept together a lot the last week and you never even touched me by accident." Johnny Mac looked at Gary stunned by what he said.

The discussion broadened, "us too" Tim said pointing to himself and Dan. Shaun confessed he thought he was gay but added that he hadn't ever done anything, hadn't ever had sex at all. Bob and Brian both confessed to being virgins and not really sure if they were gay or straight. Clavo came last. "I'm sorry if this makes you think less of me guys, but I'm gay myself. I took my vows. I can't change who I am. I'm not a damn pedophile, just a gay man. I will stay celibate until someone very special comes into my life that I want to be with forever."

It wasn't long before the last beer was gone. It was getting late; Dan and Tim were the first to go to bed. Not much later Shaun and Brian left, and then Gary and Johnny went to bed. Clavo had gone beyond his limit and Bob offered to share his bed with him, "or you can take another bedroom down the back hall" as an alternative.

With it decided that Clavo would sleep with Bob, they kicked back and had a few more drinks. Clavo didn't have much opportunity to be away from the rectory and he might as well enjoy himself when he could. Going to bed, finally, neither man hesitated stripping down. Bob moved close to Clavo and hugged him saying "I think you are the most exceptional, maybe even the best person I have ever met." They embraced and holding each other and fell asleep.

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN *

With the morning getting off to a late start, only Tim was up and barely had coffee made before he had to leave for work. One by one each guy finally made his way to the kitchen. Bob and Johnny were all apologies, but Bob sloughed it off saying they did chores every day and one late morning wouldn't hurt. Bob had a hell of a hangover. He didn't feel like going out at all and hoped he'd be up to it by lunch. Dan and Johnny went to work on wells at the new property and Gary and Shaun agreed to do the chores. The calf hadn't been penned up the previous evening so the cow didn't need to be milked. Clavo just tended to Bob and got him to take some ibuprofen.

Clavo kissed him on the forehead saying "get feeling better guy." Bob grabbed his wrist and pulling him into his embrace said, "You have to do better than that with a guy who's never been kissed," going on instinct and giving him a long deep kiss, tongues battling in their mouths. When they broke apart Bob added "I know we didn't do anything last night, but every time I woke up I was hard and it was pressed up against you. I think the question of my sexual preference is settled."

Clavo hesitated for a few minutes, and then responded, "Let's take this slow and get acquainted better before we do anything serious."

Bob came back with "I hope it doesn't take too long. I'm a little behind on this part of my education, but you'll see I'm a very patient man." They spent the rest of the morning talking, talking about their lives and their dreams, growing closer all the while. Bob swore it was the kiss and not the pills that were making him feel better and managed to talk Clavo into several more.

The ranch was at the end of a dead end road. All the adjoining property that was purchased was along one side. When Dan and Johnny Mac were returning to the house for lunch, they noticed a sign had been put up on the fence across the road. It was a simple 'FOR SALE" sign you might buy at a hardware store with just a phone number at the bottom. The fence was barely enough to be called a fence, nothing that would keep livestock inside. The view from the road was of natural scrub land, not improved in any way and as it might have been a hundred years earlier. They wrote down the number and gave it to Bob at the house. Bob went into the office and called his lawyers office. He left the number and the message, "If the price is right and I can afford this property, buy it, it connects to the ranch on the opposite side from the newly purchased land." A secretary took the message saying she would see they got it.

On their way to the house at beer thirty, the sign was gone. An hour later a car with a middle aged man and an elderly woman drove up. The man was a notary who certified the lady's signature and Bob's, leaving the papers for him to send the lawyers. "I've already been wired the money" the lady said "and thank you." They left and Bob briefly looked over the deed. He had just bought thirty sections, nineteen thousand two hundred acres, for less than seven hundred thousand dollars. His jaw fell open. In one week's time, his well managed ranch of fifteen sections had grown in size to fifty sections. He might be filling up the bunkhouses after all. What he needed to do now was find a way to make enough income off of it to cover the taxes and salaries or his investment would be the same as flushing money down a toilet. The flip side was his money was being spread around instead of being tied to the fate of a single business.

Everything had taken place behind closed doors in Bob's office. With the sign gone Dan and Johnny had their suspicions, but had no idea who the visitors were. It still wasn't five yet, and Bob said, "I'll be back in a little bit," and went to express mail the papers to the lawyers. When he got back, without saying anything, he began to open bottles of champagne, passing out glasses. With a big smile he said, "Guys, I just bought thirty sections. Thanks for telling me about the sign. I thought the property would be a couple of sections like those I just bought. I told the Lawyers to buy it and they did. The next time I tell the lawyers to do something, I'd better ask more questions first." He offered the younger boys jobs for the summer and Gary a full time job, all accepted. He threw in that if Johnny or Gary wanted to attend the junior college two mornings a week, he would pay for it and they could work Saturday to make up the time. The beer and the weeks order had been delivered at lunch as usual. When the bottles of champagne were empty they went back to drinking beer. Clavo was staying the night again but said he had to do mass at his Friday parish the next day and would leave by noon. He decided to cook a New Mexico feast—fiesta for them that evening and got to work cooking.

Bob shut himself in the office for a while. He checked all his accounts. Martin's money in the separate account hadn't been doubled but now held three quarters of a million dollars more or less, a lot more than double. He had about one million in a discretionary fund for the ranch. After the days purchase, various other accounts held six million in cash, as his lawyers had always done to insure he wouldn't be broke if businesses or investments failed. The total value of his other investments exceeded fifty million according to the last report. It was his first time to see his total wealth. He had always left his finances in the lawyer's hands. He sent an email to the lawyers, "See if you can find any grants or assistance for a wind farm for electric generation and a company to evaluate the ranch for feasibility." Next he began to order bees, hives, and all the necessary equipment. Then he returned to the den and the guys.

He offered Tim a job. Tim had been casually offered a job already and said he had been at the co-op a long time. He was happy there but salary was never discussed. He offered him the same pay as Dan, which was double what the co-op paid, so he agreed, but would need to give notice before he could leave in good conscience and without burning bridges. He made the offer of paying tuition for Dan and Tim if they wanted to take some courses saying he might join them himself if they went on different days than Johnny and Gary so someone would be at the ranch to work. He looked at Clavo but Clavo said "unless you need a full time priest you'll have to make do with me on my days off" before he got a word spoken. That got a big laugh. Clavo had cooked pozole and carne asada. The meal was delicious. From a group of men who had only known each other a few days it had become a house of friends, co-workers, and almost a family.

`

Bob went back to the office again. He made a call to a cutting horse trainer living in the area. Martin had bought four of Bob's horses from the man and he knew he could rely on anything he said. He negotiated to buy and have delivered the next morning at seven thirty, two new horses. There were extra saddles and gear in the tack room. The business was completed very quickly and he returned.

They watched a comedy that night. It was old, 'Cowboy Way' with Woody Harrelson and even though most of them had seen it before they enjoyed it. Everyone took off for their bedrooms after it finished and oddly, all the doors got closed.

Johnny and Gary were discovering a new world. Johnny gave and Gary got their first blowjobs. When Johnny finished he pulled Gary into a kiss and said "Does mine taste like yours Gary?"

"A little saltier I think. Let me check again" and Gary proceeded to find out. They didn't get much sleep that night.

CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

Friday morning Bob was up early. Clavo didn't know he was gone until he felt the cold spot beside him. In the kitchen Dan was just pouring himself a cup of coffee. When he asked where Bob was, he just got a shrug. It was still too early for conversation. He went back to take a shower, coffee cup in hand and passed Tim on his way to the kitchen. The water beads shimmered down his belly and he looked especially cute this morning, even the dimples in his ass cheeks.

Bob had all the horses saddled when the pick-up with the horse trailer behind pulled up to the barn. He handed the man a check before he could even get out. They were beautiful horses. "If they don't live up to your standards, give me a call and you can come over and pick out others or have your money back," the man said. It was still dark. You couldn't see cutting horses work in the dark, especially without some calves for the demonstration.

Bob changed their halters for bridles and after checking for fit, found saddles for both he thought were good. He got them saddled and went back to the house leaving all eight animals tethered and waiting at the barn. He wondered what everyone would think.

"Get you boots and jeans on guys, we've got some riding to do" Bob announced coming through the door. Clavo protested. He had boots but had worn borrowed shorts since coming there from the funeral. "Mine or someone's should fit you, go check," Bob replied. He knew they were about the same size. He had to remember to keep some extra clothes around in several sizes, this was happening too much. Gary and Shaun had come in boots and jeans, they lived in them anyway. Tim called in and took the day off; he didn't want to miss anything. Dressing and breakfast went quickly. The sun was about to rise, still in half light, as they went out the door.

Seeing all the horses saddled and the two new ones Dan said "Damn Bob, you were up early." Bob and Dan took the two new ones, being able to judge them just for riding, but also they were more experienced with horses they would be able to handle them better if they got ornery. The sound of the hoof beats on the asphalt was like a rodeo parade. Through the gate Bob led out toward his ranch's back side and the water gap they missed on their other ride. They were going at a good lope, not a slow walk like before. There was a lot of ground to cover this morning and the terrain was rougher. Along the road this place was only a mile wide. The maps showed it went back about eight miles, across four miles and narrowed coming back toward the road. His ranch shared a common fence for four miles, near which they found the water gap. They crossed over and followed the fence line, then down the back fence line and returned to the creek at the water gap. On the high bank above the creek that marked its maximum flood depth, they followed the creek away from the water gap. It went due north about three miles turning west at that point. At the far fence line on the west the creek crossed another water gap into the next property. They ran that fence line.

It hadn't been a thorough inspection, but a damn long ride. The only bad fence was along the road. They didn't see any stock tanks, or at least no trees giving sign one was there. No electric lines entered the property, so it was a safe bet that if there were any wells a windmill would have stuck up in the pasture even if it no longer worked. It was eleven then so they returned to the house.

The boys stayed at the barn unsaddling the horses and brushing them down after their hard ride. The men went on to fix lunch, Clavo to get ready for his evenings work, and Tim decided to go in and tell his boss at the co-op he was leaving. Clavo left at noon, going by the rectory to clean up and dress, but packed some clothes to take with him. His cell phone number was posted at each church he served, so he could easily be wherever he wished and if needed he could respond. Normally he got to a church an hour early to hear confessions. If children were in catechism, he taught an hour class as well. There were no children to instruct in the Friday parish. None came for confession. He spent the time he waited writing a homily to go with the scriptures for the mass. He should have already written it, but sometimes he had to compose one as he spoke from the pulpit and usually did well regardless.

With the words "the mass is ended, go in peace" he exited and exchanged greetings with his parishioners. The lady who cared for the church came last. "The flowers were beautiful this week Delores. Please be sure to take them to the nursing home tomorrow and let others share their beauty." She agreed as she did each week and he said his goodbyes. It was an hour's drive back to the ranch. At seven thirty he was sitting on the couch in the den having a beer with the guys.

Tim noticed the suitcase in Clavo's hand first thing and asked, "You moving in too bud?" No answer was necessary. Tim's afternoon at the co-op was shorter. He didn't go until one so everyone would be back from lunch. He had a private talk with his boss explaining the job offer and the salary. He was happy for Tim, but his abilities would be missed. He said no notice was needed and he could go to work at the new job immediately. There were papers to fill out and his 401K would be sent to him in a few weeks. He gathered his personal items and said his goodbyes. It had taken him only about an hour. Before going back to the ranch, he went to town and deposited his check. He stopped in the Wal-Mart and bought small gifts for everyone and a big cake in the bakery. He bought Chinese take out for supper and was home by four.

The boys had spent some time in town themselves. Bob gave Johnny his paycheck and a check large enough to open bank accounts to each of the others. All their pay would be given by automatic deposit and no more trips to the bank would be necessary. He had already done it for Dan and set it up for Tim to receive it the next week. Coming home they stopped at each of their parents homes, collected their things, and returned to the ranch right after Tim. All the parents were happy. Jobs were hard to come by in Desolation.

Bob and Dan spent the afternoon in planning. Bob told him about the bees he had ordered and what had to be done to prepare for their arrival. He had decided to plant the entire five sections of the first purchase in vineyards, wine grapes on a drip irrigation system and with mechanical harvesting. The grapes would take three to five years to produce and drain cash in the intervening time. All Bob's work making adobe bricks could be put to a purpose building a winery.

Bob had a lot of plans now and knew he had the funds he needed to bring them into fruition. He decided to begin using the feed lots that had gone unused for so many years. More fields would be put into production. He would start a beef herd on the thirty sections, gradually improving it, adding wells and circular irrigation systems and improving the pasture and improving the idle land on the original ranch as well. It would mirror what he already had on a larger scale. They would need experienced help to get the work done. He saw the best way of finding that new help in participating in cutting horse competitions and rodeos. They were all going to learn to rope, they already had the horses.

He told Dan about the wind farm idea. He had already gotten some response from the lawyers and the survey would begin the next week. For seven years Bob had sat dormant, developing ideas and never realizing the extent of his wealth. Now it was time to make his ideas a reality.

Supper was finished for everyone else when Clavo got home. His share had been saved for him. "Damn I love Chinese food," he said as he wolfed it down. His parishes were all in the country away from town and he had rarely looked around there much. He didn't know there was a Chinese restaurant. He did five masses on Saturdays, so he had to make it an early night. The first was at eight, a half hours drive away, plus the hour to hear confessions beforehand. He would leave at six thirty. In all of the parishes there were only twelve children receiving catechism and with the events of the last week he had forgotten school was out for the summer and catechism wouldn't resume until school did at the end of summer. He decided to announce a change of mass times in Desolation to two morning masses, one at nine and the second at eleven thirty, giving him time for confessions twice and some socializing in the church hall, plus the evening free.

Tim handed out his little gifts. He didn't know anyone's head size but his own and Dan's. Making a guess, he bought four his size, two a little larger and two a little smaller. They were inexpensive straw cowboy hats for summer. All were plain manila colored straw. By chance everyone had one that fit. Bob made a note of the sizes. They played with them shaping them to suit themselves and really liked the hats. Clavo bid them goodnight and headed to Bob's room. Shaun and Brian talked Bob into letting them set up the still boxed computer in the bedroom they shared and took off to get it done with his approval.

"You know you guys can go where you like and don't have to stay here all the time don't you" Bob said to Johnny and Gary, knowing Dan and Tim already knew it. "We'd just be together out at the cabin if we weren't here. This house is a lot nicer" Gary answered.

"There aren't too many people in Desolation I care for much except you guys anyway. We'll get out more eventually but right now we're getting to know each other better in a new way"" Johnny added.

"Can we get a pool table daddy Bob, please, please?" Tim said sarcastically "Dan has one we can bring over here from his house."

"You figure out where to put it and it's fine with me" Bob replied. They kind of took a visual measurement of the den. Like most of the rooms in Bob's house, it was a large room sparsely furnished for its size. With a little furniture rearrangement the room would still be spacious and accommodate a pool table. They would take the day off from fishing and move it in the morning. Bob decided to join Clavo and soon after Johnny and Gary left for bed, he went back to his and Clavo's room, too.

After they were alone Dan suggested they both should sell their houses." We have a great place to live we're happy with and the houses are a waste. I think if we put a little in them, we might get a decent price." Going further "Central air and some remodeling to give them a modern look might help and with your 401K and what I've got we can afford it if it would pay off."

"Let's talk to a real estate agent first and if they won't sell maybe we can rent them out" Tim answered agreeing they wouldn't need them anymore.

When Bob climbed into bed Clavo stirred and planted a big kiss on him. "I think I've gotten to know you well enough now Mr. Esterhazy" he said as he moved lower in the bed. Bob was nearly going crazy when he exploded.

"Father Davis, I'm no expert but you do that extremely well, can I give it a try?" Bob smiled at him and pulled him back up to the pillows and did his best to repeat what Clavo had done, without any protest from Clavo.

"Cowboys or at least this cowboy must be fast learners. Do you have any lotion or Vaseline?" Clavo questioned.

"No, but will teat crème work for what you have in mind, I keep some in the bathroom" and Bob ran to get it. Bob entered Clavo slowly with a lot of instruction from Clavo. Things speeded up and it got pretty noisy. Bob asked Clavo to do him when they finished and Clavo complied. One more round with Bob on top followed. When they were done, both wanted to sleep joined as they were and certain they were meant to be together.

The next morning Bob woke Clavo with a cup of coffee and the shower already running. After tenderly washing his body, exploring it all with his hands, he dried him off with a warmed towel. He left to fix breakfast so Clavo could finish getting ready to leave. There was still half an hour left before he needed to leave when the meal was finished. Clavo, by habit, usually ran late, rushing out the door at the last minute. Today he was more relaxed and ready for his long day ahead. Dan and Tim got up as Clavo was leaving.

This morning they were dressed and out the door after only coffee. They disassembled and returned with the pool table by seven thirty. Seeing the basket of eggs on the counter Dan said "We forgot."

"I asked the boys to do the chores this morning, I'm being lazy" Bob returned. Dan asked Bob if he had any boxes. He said that after every delivery, he opened them up and folded them flat, and stored them in the machinery barn to burn later because they took up too much space in the dumpster. He said he would be gone most of the day and would see them in the evening.

With the pool table reassembled Dan laid the cue sticks and rack on top, with the cheater bar and chalk block, and went back to Dan's house to get another load. The next trip was everything from the kitchen and the items that decorated the high shelf in his den. What remained in his closets and his dresser fit in the truck, too. They reloaded all his tools in his old truck along with everything of value in the garage and storage building. The frozen food and canned goods went inside the cab in the back seat. His TV, stereo, CDs, DVDs, and tapes filled the remaining space leaving just enough room for the driver. Back they went to unload again, Tim driving Dan's old truck. Getting it unloaded and put away took longer. There was no sign of the boys. Off to Tim's with his old truck following and the same process was repeated there. Tim had a lot less to move. Dan stopped by the Gas'n'Go on the way back. He bought cigarettes for himself and snuff for Tim. He talked with Miss Sally a while and told her about their new jobs with Bob and their day spent moving. She recommended a real estate agent in town that handled most listings in Desolation. Tim was finished unloading when he arrived and they made fast work of unloading Dan's truck.

The real estate agent met them at Dan's an hour after he called. She recommended only adding central heat and air because most loans required them to go through. The exteriors looked fine. Interior painting was their decision as it wouldn't affect the sale price, but might help them sell. She appraised them both at about sixty thousand, much higher than either expected, and said with no listings in Desolation for a long while, the houses should sell fast. She would get bids and arrange for the central units to be installed and it would be paid for when completed, unless the houses sold first and would then be deducted from the sale price. Finally it was time for a beer and some rest. Four more new used trucks were parked at the house when they got back. Bob had been busy.

They found Bob down in the feed lots with eight hundred head of yearling heifers, putting out round bales. There were twenty roping sized heifer calves penned up near the horse barn, too, all the new stock Black Angus. He drove in four more of the big bales and put the tractor away. "How about a ride to the house guys, I'm tired" he said. Tim handed him a beer and the drove to the house.

They melted into the couch in the den. "The red truck is yours, Tim. The other three are a year older. I think we've bought all the crew cabs left in town for now" Bob explained. "Have you seen the boys?" As he was saying that, Clavo came in the door.

"I saw them this afternoon when they brought your veggies for the church. The Ladies Auxiliary makes up the boxes and delivers them on Saturday afternoon. I stop by between masses." It was late already, nearly eight now. Sandwiches were their supper; they were all too tired to cook. When the boys came in about nine they told their adventures of the day. Mostly it was visiting family and friends. They insisted that everyone go to Clavo's church the next day.

"He's a part of our life and we should go for him" Johnny said.

The trucks outside weren't mentioned, perhaps unnoticed in the dark. All around, it was an early night. The day had been a long one.

CHAPTER THIRTY NINE *

Early Sunday morning as the sun rose, Bob was down in the tack room going through the roping gear. He quickly found more than eight lassos that had the feel of the right balance between stiff and limber needed to perform. A working cowboy might carry three or four; it wasn't speed that mattered but getting the calf roped. In competition only one rope was used. If it took a second rope you would be out of the competition. One man was the header and as the name says, he roped the calf around the head. The other partner in team roping was the healer who aimed at roping the calf around one hind foot. Single competitor calf roping just aimed for the head. When Bob thought he had enough gear sorted out, he went back to the house for breakfast. He did pick out more than one rope per man. They were learning.

It wasn't a rush for Clavo this morning. Masses were at eleven and five thirty, but the next week would change that. Having one at nine thirty and one at eleven would fill his morning. There were plenty of missals left over from his other parishes. They were the guide to the service with the scriptures and songs listed and printed each week for the next service. One side was in English and the other side in Spanish, folded in quarters with news, announcements, and other items on the opposite quarter. The Ladies Auxiliary printed them. It was a mission parish as were the others joined by the common bond with Father Davis. He was paid by the church in Rome. All tithes collected were dispersed to pay utilities, an addition weekly to a building fund which maintained or added to the existing structures, and the balance, unless partly dedicated to a specific purpose, went to help the poor. A lot of the money, in food, went into hungry bellies along with Bob's veggies.

Clavo and Tim played pool until it was time for Clavo to leave. Tim was a good player, but Clavo beat him almost every game. Clavo was better. When the boys came in at nine from doing the chores their first question was about the new trucks.

Bob said "Tim gets the red one and Gary gets the next pick. Shaun and Brian can agree or toss a coin to decide who gets which one."

"Me and Shaun ain't got licenses yet, Bob" Brian questioned.

"You'll need them to drive here on the ranch to do your jobs. If you can pass the written and driving tests, we can get you both legal at the same time," Bob answered back. They were still fiddling with the trucks when Clavo drove away. Tim checked out the red one. He decided to drive it to church. Gary would do the same with his and drive the boys. They all went in to clean up and dress for church. Seven spiffy looking cowboys gathered in the den a half hour later. They wore nice new jeans and dress shirts with ties. Clavo had told them to dress nice, but not to over do it because it would embarrass those less fortunate.

The preacher at the Baptist church stood at the entry greeting people as they filed in. His was a much smaller group than usual. Glancing down the street toward the Catholic Church, he noticed a lot of familiar cars. He was mad. He got angrier with each car he recognized stopping before arriving at his church. His planned sermon was forgotten and hell fire and brimstone would take its place. Less than a third, about fifty people, of his congregation showed up. Where he had needed to use more compassion, he had responded with hate and it came back to bite him in the ass.

Most of Gary, Shaun, and Donnie's families came to the Catholic service. There had always been an anti-catholic sentiment, but they overcame it this Sunday. Counting the guys from the ranch, over a hundred new faces were in the pews. The normal congregation was dwarfed; it usually varied between fifty and sixty people. Clavo greeted them all as they approached the doors, saying, "Thank you for coming." He knew this was his one shot and might never have the chance to move them with his words again.

As Tim passed he whispered into Clavo's ear "Nice dress Clavo," and chuckled as he made his way to a seat. The bells had been ringing and it changed to organ music for the processional. The altar boys carried first the cross, then the bible, and lastly an incense burner or censor, swinging and wafting the smoke as they preceded Clavo to the altar, kneeling briefly and placing each object in its proper place. Clavo knelt, rose and lifted the bible from the alter holding it as high as he could reach, saying "This is the word of the Lord. Praise be to God," with the congregation repeating the response along with him, "It is right to give him thanks and praise." The newcomers quickly noticed that everything being said was written in the missal and began to follow along.

After each part Clavo repeated the same thing in Spanish. When they sang the hymns, Clavo was joined by three boys in playing guitar, backed up by the organ. Bibles were in the racks on the back of the pews along with hymnals. When a bible reading was read, one column of each page was in English and beside it the same words in Spanish on the other column. His homily was on the love of family and friends, which fit with the scriptures for the mass. The exchange of handshakes and saying, "Peace be with you," to those around you had a strong effect on all the newcomers. At the conclusion he invited everyone to the church hall for coffee and refreshments. Clavo had won the hearts of the largest family in Desolation. He won the hearts of the guys from the ranch as well, but had already won their friendship. The announcement was made of the change in mass times beginning the next week.

Clavo shed his vestments and joined everyone in the church hall. It was a mingling of acquainted people and a lot of information about the church was exchanged. Clavo had to greet and speak with almost everyone and stayed busy walking through the room. Gary's grandmother shook his hand and without a 'can we' or 'we would like to' announced to him that the entire family was joining his church. She was sort of the matriarch of the family and what she dictated was done, or there was hell to pay. Clavo said they would begin catechism classes at eight the next Sunday. "Like Sunday School," she said with a chuckle and said that would be fine. She invited him to Sunday dinner but he declined politely saying "I still have a busy day ahead of me. Perhaps after the schedule is changed next week I'll have time to take you up on your offer, and thank you." He had been asked six times already and answered the same way each time.

Back at the ranch, he shed his collar and suit in favor of shorts and a t-shirt. Bob had steaks cooking on the grill already. "That was a real nice service, Clavo. I went with Maria a lot as a kid, but the old priest was nothing like you. I think you better put on boots and jeans instead of shorts though, we've got business to attend to after lunch," Bob added enthusiastically. Reluctantly Clavo went and changed, but under protest.

The roping practice or lessons really, began right after lunch. They started out just trying to rope a fence post. Bob demonstrated how the cutting horses worked, doing their jobs. You used your knees to direct them and how you sat them told them what direction or speed to move. Each took their turn at calves running from the chute. The horses would actually get close enough to drop the loop around their neck. They did practice some longer tosses, too. The horse would stop right after the rope was thrown or when it went taught. As it slacked up he would start to back up until it was taught again. Clavo never let on he had roped as a teenager, they thought he was a natural until his first attempt as a heeler was successful and brought the calf right down. Three more successful throws later, Bob told him to go rest up for his mass later, that he didn't need a lot of practice. He sat in the whirlpool, took a short nap, and was back from church before the guys came in.

CHAPTER FORTY *

The next week was a busy one; everyone was split apart doing different tasks. The roadside fence with a cattle guard and main gate was put in for the thirty sections. Concrete pads for the hives were poured with caging to keep varmints out and shade covers to cool the hives. The temperatures were reaching one hundred some days. Hives and beekeeping equipment was delivered, but no live bees as yet. The heifers were moved out to vacant pastures leaving the manicured pastureland in shorter supply, but there was still enough space to rotate the grazing. The natural pastures would substitute until more fences and improved pasture could be put in. Wells for the thirty sections were started by a contractor. The survey crew began their work assessing the ranch for use as a wind power farm, with instructions that the windmills couldn't obstruct irrigation or necessary work space. Tim worked laying out a grid road network across the thirty sections using a GPS system that came with his truck, and then bulldozing the roads. Dan started deep root plowing on the five sections. Bob fell in wherever help was needed.

They tried to get an hour of roping practice every day, but weren't always successful. Days of hard work, coming in tired, and getting to bed early set in as routine. Clavo had more church work he did like visiting the elderly, but was still relatively free every day. He took over the care of the garden since more went to the church than what was used at the ranch. He ordered plants and seed for a fall garden to be planted in the next few weeks and began preparing an expanded garden to receive them. Clavo had the horses saddled and the calves penned so no time would be wasted that could be used for practice. On Tuesday, after they were all saddled, the guys weren't up to it and he had to unsaddle them by himself. After that, he called Bob every day before he started. The weekend came as a welcome relief for all but Clavo.

Bob decided they were going to kill themselves at the pace they were going that week. It looked like time demands were only going to increase for the next few months. He made calls, put up notices in English and Spanish at Sally's and the co-op, and even put ads in the programs at area rodeos. Pretty soon some inquiries began to come in.

Eight men came by for interviews over the weekend. Dan and Bob had a set of questions they asked to find out their abilities and more than anything else, to see if they could work with gay men peacefully. Two were Mexican who said they wouldn't work separately and even though their mannerisms were just those of a regular Mexican man, it was fairly obvious to Dan that they were lovers.

Brian was with the horses each time Bob took applicants on a tour of the ranch. His horse was a mare, the rest were geldings. When the last man left, Brian said "Blondie holds her ears and tail different around some of those men. Around some of them she holds herself the same as she does around us and around others her ears go forward, her tail goes way high, and she gets a pissed off look, if horses can look pissed off." He asked Brian to tell him which men she held herself the same as with them, around, and he wrote the names down. The two Mexicans made the list. He had specified over the phone that he was only looking for single men.

Bob called the trainer to ask some questions about the horse, she was one of the two new ones. The man answered the phone and recognizing Bob the first thing he said was "You calling about that mare, Bob? I thought you might be bringing her back. My trainer who worked with her is a gay man. She never would let anyone else touch her. If they tried to ride her, she'd buck them off. I never worked with her myself, but hoped she'd just taken a disliking to my other men and would be fine with you. She's a damn good cutting horse."

Bob told him more "She's fine with a kid who's working for the summer, but I thought something was strange. I've been interviewing new men to put to work and she seems normal around some of them and pissed off around others."

"Well, what you've got there is a horse with gaydar, Bob. She might get used to someone after a while, but she seems to sense a gay man and that's the kind of man she likes. My trainer is my best man with the horses. I'd be up shit creek without him. If you want a different horse, bring her back and we'll pick one out" he answered.

Bob said she was great with the boy and he'd be keeping her. He'd probably want a few more horses soon and would get in touch when he needed them. They wouldn't need to ask any more questions except about experience from now on, Blondie would tell them the rest. He called the Mexicans and the three men Blondie liked and hired them to move into the bunkhouse the next day. He did a quick order for bedding over the internet that would come overnight in time for their arrival.

Sunday after church they were all practicing their roping skills again. The delivery arrived about one. Clavo had gotten home by then and was with them. A van pulled up at the horse barn and a young guy with really long hair got out. He walked over, so Bob got off his horse to see what he wanted. He went on to say he was looking for a job and after seeing the sign at the Gas'n'Go he got directions and drove out. He'd been raised on a ranch a little further east and was familiar with all the work. He'd recently finished culinary school and had wanted to be a chef, but as it turned out McDonalds paid almost as much as he could make. They did the Blondie test and he passed. With all the mouths to feed, someone who would cook was badly needed and with his experience farming and ranching, he could pitch in when he was needed. His car was packed and he was on his way back from California when he stopped. He didn't go to the bunkhouse; he got one of the bedrooms. Bob excused himself from roping practice and gave him the grand tour starting with fields and pastures, then barns and bunkhouse, and ending at the house.

His name was Scotty. He'd worked for six months in Los Angeles after graduation and couldn't make it on his pay. He was twenty two. He tried to find a job in Las Vegas, but found the pay just as low starting out, so he decided to come back home. Bob showed him his room, and then set him up at the computer to order the next weeks delivery. He told him to order for thirteen men including beer, wine, and booze, for any menu he cared to fix. When that was finished, Bob showed him everything they had on hand. He gave him a check for his hiring bonus and told him to open a bank account in town the next day and his pay would be deposited each week. He got a quarter less than Dan and Tim, but more than Johnny or Gary. He was more than happy. They played pool and had a few beers to get acquainted and Bob left him to go back to practicing.

The new hires showed up over an hour period and were directed to the Bunkhouse. All the bedding was still in boxes. They'd have to pick rooms, make their own beds, and get their possessions put away. Beer was already in the Cook house if they wanted any. They didn't get signing bonuses because they were untested and without references that could be checked. Everything they might need would be provided, except tobacco, but they could get that if it was deducted from their pay. Bob asked them all to room in the same bunkhouse but with only two TV's, they could watch either if there was any disagreement. He left them alone saying supper would be brought down later.

"Damn something smells good," Brian said as they came in the door.

"I didn't pay thirty thousand bucks to go to school and make burgers for McDonalds," Scotty replied. Dan said he needed to take five plates to the bunkhouse. He loaded them, coffee, some snacks, and bathroom supplies and hurried to deliver them so he could get back and eat.

With everyone served and seated Scotty said, "This is beef bourganione, French country stew and I hope you like it, but I'm a country boy myself and I'll fix whatever you like if you let me know." They ate it like it was their favorite dish and Scotty got worried he hadn't cooked enough.

Tim was the first to get up and rinse out his plate saying, "You're a winner, Scotty, welcome to the ranch."

"Yeah, he's cute and Blondie likes him, too," Brian felt compelled to say.

"Who's Blondie?" Scottie asked.

"She's Brian's horse and she only likes gay men," Bob answered.

"Is that going to be a problem?" Scotty asked again.

"Not at all, you're in like company, but keep that under your hat," Bob said ending the discussion. It was Sunday night and still fairly early, so the alcohol flowed. Scotty was a good bartender, too. He got a warning that breakfast was a naked meal, house rules. The evening went by as just a group of friends who were together enjoying each others company.