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My Development as a Kinky Deviant, Pt 1
I'd known I was gay from quite early on.....even before I hit puberty. Puberty for me occurred some 60 years ago. I knew enough, at that time, to keep it hidden. Being known as gay 60 years ago made your life miserable. You were the target of scorn and revulsion and sometimes violence simply because you found the same sex to be attractive to you. Often, your family would disown you and exile you to whatever fate awaited you as a homeless deviant.
Although I kept it hidden, my gayness was implicitly known to my family although as a taboo subject never to be referenced in conversation or hinted at in any actions. Despite this paranoid covertness of my gay needs I, nevertheless, found gay matters to be very exciting and would make me almost manically `hot' to experience in reality. At the time, 60 years ago, there were very few known gay venues to pursue and fulfill your needs. Only through time and through the revelation, in my early teens, by my best schoolmate did I learn of the availability of sexual venues and encounters. He had been day all his life although never openly admitted to his family. I had moved away for a few years and when I contacted him upon return to our old neighborhood, he sent me a letter admitting that he was gay and probably always was.
We arranged a visit at which time he opened my eyes about gay matters. He had been going to gay venues and had gay sex with several people by the time our visit occurred. He told me things that were incomprehensible to my naïve ways. He told me that he'd met several biological fathers and sons who were gay. I found this to be unbelievable. My naivete imposed on me the idea that if a man were gay he couldn't marry and have children in the traditional way. This shows how unaware I was of things as they really were.
I had not had gay sex until I had this visit with my former schoolmate. After hearing so many of his stories I was confused but intrigued at how life could be for some. Soon after this visit, this friend was the first person I had sex with...gay or straight. Of course, we didn't do all you could do in gay sex at the time. My friend thought it best to go slowly. We started off exposing our cocks to one another. The we started jerking each other. Then we started sucking each other. At the time, sucking was done only to the point of ejaculation and the cum load was often deposited in a hand or a tissue. I like seeing his cock and balls and I like feeling it with my hand and having it fill my mouth. The thought of cum shooting into a mouth was thought of as nasty' and dirty' and was not done at that time.
Jumping ahead a few years, I became aware of venues where other gays would go. I frequented those venues, such as parks and public restrooms and industrial areas at night to see others searching for man sex. This nighttime cruising could be dangerous. It often led to harassment and sometimes physical assault by straight men who exorcised their demons of intolerance towards fags' and fairies' and homosexuals. Only by exorcising caution did you learn whether the area was safe enough to frequent for homosexual encounters.
In these early years and in the throes of hormones, I found so many things erotic that simply weren't really erotic per se. Often something innocent about a guy would make me want to get with him. Not only his face, but sometimes something strictly non-sexual. Sometimes his neck would turn me on and I'd fantasize about gently kissing and licking his neck. Sometimes his forearms turned be on because they looked so sinewy and masculine ...although I have never been into fist-fucking in any manner.
I remember that I would often frequent beaches and parks in the daytime so that I could ogle men in various stages of undress. Sometimes their thighs would turn me on. Sometimes the look of their chests would turn me on. Often, seeing their nipples made me hot but, strangely, I had not developed play of my nipples or any other man's.
So, for years I'd go to these venues to see other guys exposing their cocks. When I exposed my own in return, it was a great feeling to find others who found my cock exciting to see as much as I enjoyed seeing theirs. The restrooms and parks were the best for this. Often, a stall was used by two guys to fully expose their crotches and jerk off together or to jerk off each other's cock. The feeling was tremendously hot to be playing with another man although it was very limited, at the time, compared to these days Parks were hot if known to attract cruisers and to this day, I love outdoor sex. These days, however, make me feel like a dinosaur since so many known outdoor play venues have disappeared because of police surveillance or property development.
Jump ahead another few years. I discovered that although young men were often very passionate I slowly and unwittingly developed an attraction to older men. By older, I mean men who were about 10 or more years older than I was at the time. These days, these men are called `daddies.' Today, my weakness is daddies and granddaddies. Although I may see a younger man who is attractive enough for me to have sex with him, I am always looking for older men. Perhaps it has something to do with the father-son relationship I had growing up, but who knows? I just revel in finding an older man for sex since they are the ones who make me the horniest. Not all older men earn my attention, but generally I look for these daddies and granddaddies because they make me the hottest. I have never had an inclination towards incest, but love to hear of true male incest between biological fathers, grandfathers and uncles. I find true incest stories between males to be very hot. Again, my father-son relationship must have something to do with this preference.