DISCLAIMER: Standard disclaimers apply. If you are underage (18 or 21, depending) and/or are offended by mature themes including consensual sexual contact between teen males, then DO NOT continue. This work is entirely fictional and any resemblances to persons (other than myself) either living or dead, is entirely coincidental. If you wish to reprint this story, just drop me an email letting me know where, and make sure you give me (Menzo) credit.
Feel free to give me criticism; my writing is far from perfect! Comments are very much appreciated, so please drop me a quick email at menzoberranzen_of_the_drow@yahoo.com
~Menzo
Chapter 8 - The Secrets of Others
I awoke the next morning in the finest fashion. The morning sun was shining through the Venetian blinds, illuminating the entire room, and the welcome sound of twitting birds could be heard faintly. I couldn't help but smile at the pleasant sight and I permitted myself the rare luxury of lying in bed before rising. The alarm hadn't, of course, woken Jesse and his youthful face was half covered by his un-groomed hair. I finally heaved my body out of bed and set about finding some clothes to wear for running. I didn't want to wake Keegan at this hour but I managed to find a pair of thin jogging pants in Jesse's drawer that would fit me. I clothed myself quickly, grabbed my iPod, and stepped out into the gorgeous spring day.
I have always been one of those people whose mood is greatly affected by the weather. This is, in part, the reason why I always chose to run so early in the morning; there is something invigorating about the air when the sun has just risen. There was a small chill in the still morning air and the scent of freshly cut grass hung over everything.
Despite the lovely weather, I ran for less time than I usually do. I wanted to be certain I would be there for Keegan when he awoke. I wasn't surprised in the least when I stepped, panting, into the house and it was silent. I grabbed a quick glass of cranberry juice before going upstairs to take a shower. Deciding to enjoy the spacious en suite bathroom in Jesse's room, I stripped down to my boxers and turned on the water.
Another reason I always preferred running in the early morning was the sheer peace and calm that was ubiquitous in the silence of the morning. There were few cars, and no unnatural sounds to speak of. There were only my thoughts to accompany me and I cannot describe the profound sense of serenity that I felt when the rest of the world was still sound asleep.
I sighed heavily as the warm water cascaded down my toned and now bruise-free body. I heard a knock on the bathroom door followed by a familiar voice.
"You'd better not being doing anything inappropriate!" came Jesse's voice. Even if I had been, I wouldn't have had time to do anything about it as the door opened almost immediately after he finished speaking.
"You're safe," I laughed.
"Good," he grumbled good-naturedly. I quickly finished rinsing the conditioner out of my hair and, without turning off the water, stepped out of the shower. I grabbed a towel to wrap around my waist and saw Jesse's boxers drop to the floor. He gave an affected shiver and stepped into the shower while I moved to dry myself off. Luckily there were two sinks in his bathroom and I had all the space I needed to fastidiously make myself presentable to the outside world. Predictably, Jesse had showered and finished his ablutions in the time it took me just to straighten my hair.
"God, you can be such a girl sometimes," he chuckled as I applied a thin layer of foundation to my face.
"More of a girl than you'll ever get," I replied smoothly. He just laughed and left me alone to finish my face. I didn't wear much makeup - in fact it was almost unnoticeable unless you looked closely - but I found that a little bit, tastefully applied, could do wonders for my appearance.
When I did make it downstairs, I was greeted in the kitchen by the strong scent of fresh espresso and eggs. Jesse standing over the stove, carefully measuring out the fresh vegetables he was pouring into the cooking omelet.
"Yeah, I'm the girly one," I said with a laugh.
"Hey!" he said, pausing from his work. "Do ya wanna eat, or not?"
I snorted with laughter but he raised the sticky spoon, as if to flick raw eggs at me, and I was forced to jump up in a rather undignified manner. He gave me a self-satisfied look and turned back to the stove; I gave him an imperious sniff and started to do the morning crossword.
"Mmm, what smells so good?" Lily asked in her cheerful voice, walking into the kitchen still wearing her pajamas.
"I made you an omelet," I grinned, gesturing to her plate.
"Hah!" she snorted. "I think I'll pass; you're a worse cook than me!"
"I made it!" Jesse chimed in after sticking his tongue out at me behind Lily's back. I gave another sniff.
"Nobody appreciates my talents!" I cried in mock distress.
"There, there dear," Lily said to mollify me. "Not many people can look that good this early in the morning."
"Damn straight!" I said as Jesse burst out laughing, nearly sending the omelet flying. Any further banter we might have had was cut short as our guest made his first appearance of the morning.
"Hi Keegan," we all chorused in unison. He grinned sheepishly at us and said good morning.
"Do you like omelet?" asked Jesse. "I made extra, just in case."
"Mmm," he said, licking his lips. "I love omelets."
"Excellent!" exclaimed Jesse, clapping his hands together as he jumped up. "Cheese, salt or pepper?"
"Cheese and salt, thanks."
"How are you dear?" Lily asked with a big smile. She cast me an almost imperceptible glance. A knowing glance, a glance that said she knew more than she was letting on.
"Oh, I'm fine," he said shyly. "I haven't seen you in ages, how are you?"
"I'm making smoothies!" she said suddenly. "Who wants one?"
"Strawberry-chocolate," Jesse said immediately.
"I'll have berry one, made with yogurt, not ice cream," I stated to no one's surprise. She shook her head at me; in her professional opinion, smoothies should not be made with yogurt.
"Keegan?"
"Oh, no thanks. I don't want to be a bother."
"Nonsense," she said, placing her hand on his shoulder.
"What kind? I do 'em all!"
"Ummm...chocolate strawberry sounds good."
"It is!" Jesse said honestly. I remember when we were younger he would beg Lily to make us smoothies every time I came over. They were more like milkshakes than smoothies, but that was what we had always called them.
"Jamie, could you help me bring up all the stuff?" she asked pointedly.
"Sure," I replied. She led the way as we walked down a short flight of stairs to the basement.
"What is he doing here?" she asked once we were out of ear shot.
"I don't really know," I answered truthfully. "Julian called me last night and asked me to take him for a while. Keegan asked if he could spend the night and here we are. I didn't ask too many questions."
"I hope you know what you are doing, Jamie."
"What do you mean?" I asked, somewhat alarmed.
"It's not my place to say. I will just say this: Don't get involved in Julian's problems."
"If he needs help..."
"Oh, he needs help alright," she said with mirthless laugh. "But he has made it perfectly clear he doesn't want any help. Look, I've said to much already, but be careful."
I was more than slightly startled by Lily's revelations, but she wasn't much of a gossip and I knew it would be useless to press the matter. I was determined to get some answers from Julian, even if only to allay some of my fears. I grabbed a tub of ice cream while found the mixer. I gave her a pleading look but she pointedly ignored me and she was all smiles again as we returned to the kitchen.
I put on a composed, relaxed face to Keegan as we enjoyed our smoothies, but when I heard my cell phone ring I practically jumped out of my chair as I ran to get it.
"Hello," I said, keeping my voice as neutral as possible.
"Jamie?"
"Julian?"
"Yeah, it's me. Um, listen, thanks for keeping Keegan there for the night. I have a car today so I should be over there in a few minutes."
"You know the address?" I asked, mildly surprised. It seemed Lily had secrets of her own. Why she had played deliberately dumb before was a mystery for another time.
"Oh, um, yeah," he said nervously. I didn't push the matter; I had more important things to talk about.
"How about we go out for coffee somewhere? Not Starbucks, of course," I laughed, trying to inject a bit of humor into the conversation.
"Thanks, but I'm kinda busy today. I'll just pick Keegan up and go." I sighed heavily, but I was determined not to let it go.
"Julian," I said, dropping the charade. "We need to talk. Now."
"Jamie," he pleaded. "Don't do this now. I called you because I don't need other people messing around in my life."
"Some things you can't deal with alone," I said softly.
"I know...but no, Jamie. No."
"Yes. For all I know, Keegan could be in serious danger. Hell, you could be! I'm not saying I need to get involved with this, but I need to know what's going on."
"You've been talking to Lily, haven't you? Never mind. Meet me at that little breakfast place down on Lakeside Crescent. Leave Keegan there, please."
"Ok. Bye."
"See you there."
I heaved a sigh as I hung up the phone and tried not to think about the questions rattling around inside my skull.
"Jesse," I called, getting on my shoes.
"Yeah?"
"I'm going out for a while, can I take the car?"
"Where are you going?" he asked, walking over to the foyer.
"To talk to Julian," I replied. "I've gotta go, bye."
"Good luck," he called after me.
The drive was a short one but I was glad to step out into the parking lot of the locally owned café. After a brief scan of the small lot didn't reveal Julian's car, I took a small table in a shady corner of the patio that had a fantastic view of the picturesque lake for which the street was named. I ordered a cup of coffee but as soon as the waitress turned to leave, I saw Julian's waif-like figure walking up to the table. I gasped when I saw him; he was sporting a black eye and a long red cut was running across his left cheek.
He sat down without a word while I struggled for words.
"And you wonder why I was concerned?" I finally choked out.
"It's not what you think," he said quietly.
"I certainly hope not," I said. He didn't respond immediately, but I merely waited for him to speak. He had only convinced me I had made the right choice to make him talk to me.
He started speaking and my jaw just hit the floor, even from the vague information he was willing to part with. My life certainly wasn't about to get any simpler after this.
I sighed heavily as I pulled up into my driveway, Julian not far behind. After much pleading, I had finally relented and agreed to let him take Keegan home with him. I wouldn't say anything to anybody about what had happened and in return he promised to tell me if anything like this ever happened again. I still was a bit puzzled as to why he refused to seek help for this, but the way he had spoken convinced me that he felt he was doing the right thing. It wasn't my place - not yet, at least - to tell him otherwise.
"Thanks," he said quietly as we stepped out of our separate cars.
"I wish I was as sure about this as you are," I frowned. "Does your boyfriend know?"
"Yeah. That's where I was last night...after I got these," he said, gesturing to his face. "But Alex is frustrated by the whole thing. He wants me to just move in with him but I cant. Not without Keegan."
"Don't worry," I said, belying my own fears. "You say things will be better from now on; lets just hope you are right."
"Thanks," he smiled. I nodded my head sadly, and went to fetch Keegan. Julian didn't want to come in and, after a brief goodbye, Keegan and Julian drove off.
"So?" Lily demanded once they had left. "Did he explain."
"Yeah, he did," I replied.
"And I'm guessing that 'this was just one rough night'?"
"Something like that," I agreed.
"God!" she scowled. "He will never figure out that it's not going to just magically disappear!" She sounded annoyed, but her body language exuded worry.
"How..." I began tentatively. "How did you know about it?"
She looked at me for a long moment and Jesse averted his eyes from us. "We went out for a while," she said at last.
"But he's gay!" I exclaimed, confused.
"Yeah," she said somewhat bitterly. "I know. Believe me, I know."
"Care to elaborate?" I asked, when it appeared she wasn't going to explain.
"I suppose. When I first met him, I was a sophomore and he was this shy freshman who didn't have many friends. I'll admit, I first talked to him because I felt a bit bad for him. But, as I'm sure you know," she paused to give me a knowing smirk. "He is a really sweet guy. We started dating at the end of that year. Things were really great - in retrospect, it should have been obvious that he was gay - except for the fact he never wanted to do more than kiss me. At first I thought it was sweet that he wasn't a typical guy..."
"Hey!" Jesse exclaimed.
"No offense, Jesse dear. I'm sure you are very sensitive. Anyway, at the end of the summer before my junior year I asked him about it. He totally broke down and apologized for leading me on like that. He was having a hard time at school and didn't want to add any rumors about his sexuality to the mix. I won't lie, I was hurt by it. I understood why he did it but I really liked him and I was disappointed that we would never be nothing more than friends. Anyway, that is another story. We remained really good friends despite that and all of last year we were quite close. He is pretty quite about his private life but eventually he confided in me. I tried, I really did, for months to help him but he would never accept it. I couldn't go behind his back and I was at a loss for what to do. We didn't have a falling out per se, but we drifted apart. I still hang out with him in school sometimes, but we both lead very different lives. I gave up long ago trying to get him to do anything about it."
"Wow," I said lamely when she finished. "You could have mentioned that you knew him when I was mooning over him before."
She laughed. "But it was fun to watch you. And would it have really made a difference anyway?"
Just then, the phone rang and Jesse disappeared for a moment to answer. Lily gave me a few comforting words and told me that as long as he didn't want help, I could do more for him by being supportive than by meddling. Jesse reappeared a few moments later, holding his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone.
"Hey Jamie. Do you wanna go to the pool with Matt and Ben?"
"Oh, yeah," I replied. "It'll be good to take my mind of things."
"Sure Matt, we'll be there," Jesse said into the phone. I assume Matt said something, and Jesse followed this with a goodbye.
"What? Oh, right. Yeah, it will. Hey...You haven't been swimming in, like, forever!"
"I know, I guess I just haven't really focused much on my swimming." I used to be a fairly avid swimmer, competing on my school team. Running was my preference and it had been more parental pressure that made me compete in swimming. I still loved to swim, though, and I was eager to go to the pool.
Being back in the water for the first time in months was fantastic. It was great exercise and I had forgotten the joys of simply floating in the cool water. In case having a blast at the pool with my friends wasn't enough to take my mind off of things, meeting Dorian afterwards certainly was.
We decided to all go out for ice cream after swimming and we parked a short distance away from the main shopping district on this side of town. It wasn't a very large city and most of the shopping and other cosmopolitan activities were concentrated in two or three small areas of town. We were walking down the largest of these streets looking for our favorite ice cream parlor when I heard a voice calling my name from somewhere. I stopped and turned just in time to see Dorian and someone I didn't recognize come running up to me.
"Hey Dorian," I said, somewhat confused.
"Hey Jamie," he smiled. "This is Alex, by the way."
"Hi Alex." What a wonderfully awkward conversation this was. Alex...where had I recently heard that name. Judging by the clothing and the fact he was holding Dorian's hand, he was gay.
"Nice to meet you," he said politely. I was getting the feeling Dorian was just trying to flaunt his new boyfriend - or whatever Alex was - in front of me.
"It was nice to see you Dorian, but I gotta run. Jesse is waiting for me." It was petty, I know, but if Dorian could flaunt a boyfriend, I could push his buttons. To my satisfaction, Dorian's grin did seem to slip a bit.
"Well, I was just having lunch with Alex and I thought I would say hi. Anyway, see you around."
"Wait!" I called, somewhat harshly, as they turned to walk away. They both turned to regard me curiously.
"Alex, do you know Julian?"
He blanched visibly and when he saw the smirk on my face, he didn't even bother denying it.
"It's not what it looks like," Dorian finally said.
"Alex isn't cheating on Julian or you aren't trying to get to me?" I asked coldly. Dorian had the decency to look guilty and I was slightly mollified when he didn't deny the latter.
"Alex isn't cheating on Julian," he said quietly.
"It's true," Alex supplied helpfully.
"Right," I said sarcastically. "I'll just be going now."
Half expecting someone to stop me, I turned to walk away. Nobody did stop me though, so I just went back to my friends.
"What was that about?" asked Ben.
"Oh nothing," I sighed.
"Why the long face, then?" asked Matt.
"Them."
"So there mere presence depressed you?" Jesse arched his eyebrows, giving me his best 'I'm-going-to-find-out-anyway' look.
"I think Julian's boyfriend is cheating on him with Dorian, who is trying to get back at me because of you," I replied in a rushed voice.
"Wow," laughed Matt. "It's like an all-gay soap opera."
"Hey!" shouted Jesse indignantly, sending Ben into a fit of giggles.
"Lets go get ice cream," I suggested once they had all calmed down.
"Hello," I said into the phone receiver. We had just walked in the door after dropping Matt and Ben off at Matt's house.
"Hi Jamie," came a female voice. A voice that tickled the back of my memory. I was saved the embarrassment of asking who it was. "It's Nancy calling."
"Oh, hi Nancy," I said awkwardly. "How are you?"
"I'm not too bad. How are you?"
"Well, you picked a bad day, but I'm doing quite well. I assume Sharon called you?"
"No, your friend - Jesse, is it? - called me," she said sweetly.
"Just like any good mother should," I laughed. Jesse certainly got the point and I received a deadened should for my remark. Nancy seemed a bit lost, but she laughed anyway.
"So, I was thinking you might like to meet me sometime tomorrow. Maybe at the mall, or something."
"Sure," I said a bit sullenly. I was really doing this to appease Jesse, but the mall sure sounded better than an office and a couch. "How 'bout we meet for lunch at 1:00."
"That sounds lovely. Please come alone, though."
"OK," I agreed. "See you there."
"Bye!" She hung up and I turned to give Jesse a glare. It didn't work and he just smiled at me in that disarming manner of his.
Our Saturday night was very relaxing and we watched a movie before going to bed early. I lay in bed thinking about Keegan and Julian and, for the first time, fell asleep without my thoughts drifting to my own problems.
Sunday morning began much as any other would have, but I was definitely not looking forward to pouring my heart out to Nancy. Sharon and Dave, who had come back the night before, insisted that it would be good for me to talk to someone. Jesse was, of course, quick to agree with them.
12:45 finally rolled around and I lethargically got ready to go out. Jesse drove me down and told me to call him for a ride home.
"Hey Jamie," he said as I got out of the car. I paused and turned to look at him. "Don't worry, it will be good to talk about it with someone."
"I talked about it with you," I pointed out.
"You know what I mean," he smiled. "Good luck!"
"Thanks."
As soon as I walked into the mall I saw Nancy, just as I remembered her, sitting on a bench. I walked up to her and she beamed up at me.
"Hi! Where would you like to eat?" she asked.
"Do you like sushi?" I asked, doing my best to sound cheerful. It turns out that she was an avid sushi connoisseur and, instead of the sushi bar in the mall, we decided to go across the street to an upscale Japanese restaurant.
Lunch was a pleasant, relaxed affair at first. We talked about what types of sushi we liked and other banal subjects until the drinks came and, suddenly, she slipped into harder questions.
"What's it like living with Jesse?"
"That was a bit out of the blue," I laughed. "I was dying to hear about your wedding day!"
"Don't avoid," she said firmly.
"It's been wonderful," I replied honestly.
"Do you ever think about your family and what happened?"
"Nooo," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Have you always used sarcasm as a defense mechanism?"
"Yes," I stated.
"To which question?"
"Both of them."
"Have you found yourself isolating yourself from people more often?"
"From some people."
"Am I going to get more detailed answers?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't like feeling like I'm filling out a form."
"Would you prefer that we talk about each topic in a more in-depth conversational manner."
"No."
"So you really just don't want to talk."
"That's right."
"Will you at least try to make this work? Please."
"Fine," I sighed. I would do it for Jesse, if for no other reason.
"Excellent," she smiled. "Lets start this over, shall we?"
It went more smoothly after that. I still wasn't very forthcoming and we barely scratched the surface, but at least I felt like I was talking to a person rather than an automated machine. We - well, Nancy - agreed to meet every Sunday for the immediate future. Once we had stopped our session, I became remarkably more animated and the last few minutes of chit-chat were quite pleasant.
As I sat in the car on the ride home, I realized that even such a superficial examination of my feelings and life had left me feeling tremendously drained. It had not been a relaxing weekend and I was assuredly not looking forward to school tomorrow.
Comments, criticisms and suggestions are all very welcome. I write because I enjoy it, but I post them here for you so please let me know what you think of the story.
Menzoberranzen_of_the_drow@yahoo.com
~Menzo