Everything I Own

"Everything I Own"

by christopher_bass@yahoo.com

Yep, it's me again. I haven't gotten very many e-mails about my story, which leads me to think that nobody is reading it, but I am continuing it. If you like my story, hate it, whatever, let me know. Whether you be a writer, reader, or whatever, let the authors of stories you like know you like the story. I have seen many stories end prematurely because they felt nobody cared.

I wanted to thank everyone who had voted for me in the recent Boy Band story awards. It was cool that I was voted Best Use of Diane Bass. It meant a lot to me and kept me wanting to write.

In just a little over a month, I will FINALLY get to see Lance in person! I canNOT wait!! I have waited for that day for way too long!!

DISCLAIMER: Same as usual. If you don't know the drill by now, check previous parts!

When we last visited the land of "Everything I Own":

"Look how you are treating me! Is that any better, you albino freak? Fuck you!" Mark yelled back. "I'm gonna go talk to Josh and give us a chance to cool down." He ran off to find JC.

"Can I buy a vowel please, Pat?" Chris said, trying in his usual way to bring humor into a dark moment.

"Mark was stupid enough to think to sing that song with JC hoping he would realize he loved Justin and Justin would realize he loved JC." Lance explained.

"He thought JC and Curly loved each other? How stupid!" Joey said.

"Well, apparently, he is half right. We all can tell that Josh loves J." Chris said.

Justin started to cry hard. "Scoop, you made a huge mistake! You shouldn't have yelled at him like that!"

"Why?" Lance yelled.

"Because he is completely right. I am in love with Josh."

Lance was in total shock. It wasn't due to the fact that Justin just revealed that he loved JC. Nobody was too shocked hearing that. Well, Chris and Joey weren't surprised. Lance apparently didn't see that coming.

The reason Lance was so shocked was that he actually was so cold and cruel to Mark, someone he was deeply in love with. He then finally realized how scared he was that things would go drastically wrong. Subconsciously, he decided to hurt Mark first. He only hoped Mark would forgive him.

"You love him, Curly? You're in love with JC?" Lance asked, his eyes wide.

Chris and Joey couldn't believe Lance never saw that Justin loved JC. "Scoop, don't tell me you never saw it." Joey said.

Chris added, "Even if you didn't see it, you should have trusted Mark's judgment. He is good about these things."

Justin added, "And you most definitely should not have treated Mark like that. Do you really love him?"

Lance started to run after Mark, but Justin stopped him. Crying, he asked Justin to let him go, but he wouldn't. "Curly..." Lance begged.

"I'll talk to him, Lance. I think he and JC are together." Justin ran off, in search of Mark and JC.

Meanwhile, Mark was crying very hard while walking around the parking lot. He saw JC and ran up to him. "I'm so sorry, Josh! Please don't hate me!"

JC looked at Mark with an eyebrow cocked. "Dude, what in the hell are you talking about?"

"God, I don't know if I can tell you!"

"Mark, you can tell me anything. I love you. You're part of our family now. Nothing you can do can make any of us not love you."

"Lance hates me!" Mark cried.

"He doesn't hate you, Mark. He's tearing himself apart over what he did to you." Justin said, coming over to JC and Mark.

"He should feel bad!" Mark's emotions were quickly switching from sadness to anger. "How dare he fucking treat me like that! Doesn't he know how bad I feel that I hurt Josh?"

"How did you hurt me, Mark?" JC asked.

"Josh, he knows you're in love with me." JC turned bright red as Justin said that. "What he, or even you, don't know is something I'd been so scared to tell you forever." Justin paused, unable to say the words.

Mark knew what Justin wanted to say and tried to encourage him. "Tell him, Justin. Trust me."

Justin took a deep breath then wasn't able to breathe again. "Josh, I love you, too. I have for a very long time. I think I may have always been in love with you."

"Really? You love me?" JC said, hoping he wasn't dreaming.

"Yes! Justin Randall Timberlake is in love with Joshua Scott Chasez!"

JC's and Justin's faces slowly came closer and closer. Finally, their lips met, softly at first, then very passionately.

Mark started to cry harder, seeing JC and Justin kissing. He fell down to the ground, unable to control his emotions any longer. JC and Justin finally broke their kiss and saw Mark bawling.

Both Justin and JC sat down next to Mark, one person on each side. They hugged him hard and tried to comfort him.

Unknown to Mark, Justin, and JC, Lance had followed Justin and heard the whole conversation.

"How can I get James to forgive me?" Mark asked.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who fucked up. I can't believe I used those words that I did!" Lance said.

"I can't talk to you right now. I would only say things that I would regret." Mark replied.

"But I hurt you!" Lance whined. "Yell at me, scream, tell me to fuck off... anything!"

"No, baby. I can't do that. I need to be alone right now. Too much has happened today. I do love you very much, but I need time to sort through some things." Mark said sadly, before walking away.

"Mark!" Lance said. He was scared that he was losing Mark, but was not able to cry. He had cried too much lately. "Mark?" He sat down on the ground and put his head to his knees and rocked slowly.

"Scoop, everything will be all right." JC tried to calm his friend down. "He still loves you. He just needs some time."

"Are we even meant to be together? It seems like one bad thing after another keeps happening to us."

"Lance, you guys are meant to be together. I know that for sure. I know now that Josh loves me, but I also know that we're both, and Chris and Joey also, hoping that our love for each other could be as strong and beautiful as yours and Mark's is. It's incredible that such a love is possible so quickly." Justin said.

Meanwhile, Mark was walking away from the club to call a cab to take him home. He thought about what he just did and immediately regretted it. "What have I done? I shouldn't have left! I should have stayed and talked it through with him. I can see James is sorry for what he said. By leaving, I hurt him. I need to go back to him."

Mark started to walk back to Lance when he suddenly stopped. For some unknown reason, Mark was picturing Lance naked and got turned on more than he ever thought was possible. He knew that even by being touched, he could come in a second. His cock was as hard as steel, and the head of his cock was ultra sensitive. His nipples were also hard and very sensitive. "Oh God! Not now! I can't get horny now! I have to wait to be with him!"

Mark tried for about 20 minutes to calm down his hormones. When he was finally able to, he went back towards where he left everyone, only to find that they had left. "Fuck!" he yelled.

"But wouldn't Lance get jealous?" a voice asked.

Mark looked around to see whom to voice belonged to. He smiled when he saw Travis. "Hey, Travis! How you doing?"

"Pretty good. I had a lot of fun tonight."

"What did you do?"

They walked over to Travis' car. Mark asked him for a ride home and Travis said he would. "I was here tonight. After you left, I even sang some. I was nowhere near as good as JC and you, but I think I was pretty good."

Mark was embarrassed. "You were here tonight and heard me? Oh God!"

"Don't be embarrassed, Mark. You were great!" Travis boasted.

"Thanks!"

"Let me get everyone's relationships all together. You and Lance, Chris and Joey, and JC and Justin?"

Mark knew he could trust Travis, so he told him the truth. "Yep! You got it right. How did you know?"

"It was pretty easy. I have had this huge crush on JC for a long time, so I was staring at him. He was also staring... at Justin."

"I'm sorry you have to go through that. I know what it's like to like someone you can't have."

Travis muttered to himself, "Yeah, but what about liking two people?"

Unfortunately for Travis, Mark heard that last comment. "Two people? That really sucks! Who's the other person?"

Travis didn't want to admit to Mark that it was him that he really liked. Even if Mark wasn't involved with Lance, he wouldn't want to say a word. "I'd rather not say if it's OK."

Mark went into his self proclaimed "Drama Queen" mode. With fake crying, he said, "You don't trust me! You don't like me any more!"

Travis hadn't seen Mark in his drama queen mode yet, so he thought he was serious. "God, Mark. It's not that. I trust you!" he said very fast, scared that he was angering Mark.

Mark snickered then replied, "Travis, I was joking. I know you trust me. Why were you freaking out so much? I know you will find someone."

"How do you know that?" Travis hysterically replied. "I've dated some, but those relationships have gone nowhere. If I ask you something, will you tell me the truth?"

"Of course I will. That's what friends are for, right?"

"Am I so ugly that no guy will be attracted to me?"

Almost too quickly, Mark replied, "God, no! You are so far from being ugly!" Mark realized what he said. "I need to tell you something that you might not like."

Travis was petrified at what Mark was going to say, but decided to face it. "Yes?"

"If I hadn't fallen in love with James, I would have been close to falling for you." After saying that, Mark looked at his feet, waiting for Travis to pull over real quickly and ask him to get out of the car.

Travis did, in fact, pull over to the side of the road and shut off the engine. Mark was scared that what he feared was coming true.

Sadly, Mark said to Travis, "Fuck! I knew I shouldn't have told you! I just ruined the change to be friends with you. I'll get out of the car and find my own way home."

"No, Mark. That's not why I stopped. You told me you had liked me, what probably was really hard for you to say. I'll tell you the other guy I like the one I like a lot more, naturally, than JC." He paused for a moment the continued. "It's you, Mark."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Mark asked.

"I'm shy. I was scared that you wouldn't like me back. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I thought you saw it. Didn't you see how much I blushed around you? All the times when I would pass your desk, but an aisle away and I would practically stare at you?"

"You really liked me? I saw some of that, but I thought it was just wishful thinking."

"Yes. I really liked you a lot. Now that I love James, things are different. One day I could possibly be saying, 'I love you very much, Travis', but it would only be as friends." Travis began to cry. "I really am sorry, Travis. I always thought that the 'we could always be friends' speech was a load of bullshit, and just a line, but it's true. I do care about you. I want us to be best friends. The last thing I want to do is hurt you."

"I know that, Mark. It's not your fault. I'm not blaming you. It's all Lance's fault!" Travis' crying was turning more into anger.

Mark was stunned and angry. Was he hearing right? Lance was being blamed for his not being with Travis?

"Look!" Mark fumed. "It is not James' fault that we aren't together! It's is fate that he and I are together! If you want to blame someone, blame you for not telling me!"

"WHAT?" Travis said.

Mark continued. "Then also blame me for not telling you! Do NOT blame James!"

"I'm sorry, but..." Travis started to say, but stopped short.

"But nothing! I really am sorry that I can't love you! I love James! We've been through a lot already, but we will always be together. You're a great guy. You will find a gorgeous and wonderful guy who will love you. Believe me when I saw I know how you feel."

"But what if you were supposed to be my soul mate?"

"Normally, I would say that maybe I could still be your soul mate, but I know I am James' as he is mine."

Travis squeezed Mark's shoulder. "I am sorry, Mark. I didn't mean to blame him. It's hard liking someone who doesn't like you back. Do you really know how that feels?"

Mark explained to Travis his history with Joel. When Travis asked how good looking Joel was, Mark frowned. "He was the sexiest man I had ever seen until I saw James. I had a crush on one of Joel's co-stars in that first show for a couple of months. Then when I saw Joel again, I realized it was him that I liked."

Travis was very interested in what Mark had to say. Part of the reason was he wanted to know that someone else had the same love problems. The other reason was he wanted to know more about what kind of man Mark was attracted to in case he were to break up with Lance some time in the future.

"You have to remember even now I'm a very shy person." Mark said. Travis snickered. "I really am. I'm not as shy as I used to be, but I still am. I eventually made contact with him a couple of months after I first became attracted to him."

That first contact had been through a fan letter he sent to Joel. In that letter, Mark wrote things he never thought he would or could again. He felt that he would never meet Joel, let alone develop a friendship or even a romance with him.

In the letter, Mark told Joel how much he loved his work, how brilliant an actor he was. He also told him of his attraction to him. He knew that he was involved with David, but also knew he could never control his feelings. The last thing he wrote, which to this day surprised him the most, was where he wrote the first verse and chorus to the Savage Garden song "Truly, Madly, Deeply". For every guy he either dated or even just had a crush on, he put a song with that person. Whenever that relationship or his feelings ended, he kept that song with that person.

It was that much bigger when he sang that Savage Garden song to Lance. It was at that time he had a feeling his relationship with Joel, whatever form it had taken, was winding down to a close. He didn't want to admit it to himself, however. His heart broke when he lost Matt from his life, but not his heart was smashed. Matt was an instructor at his gym who Mark felt was very much responsible for his change in attitude. He left Mark's life without even a goodbye. He didn't know if he could let anyone else in his heart again. Then John came into his life and changed things forever yet again for Mark.

Losing Matt took a very long time for Mark to get over. Losing Joel just might do more damage than he thought was possible. Mark was scared that this could destroy him and lead to the destruction of his romance with Lance.

By the end of the story, Mark was crying hard. That didn't surprise him at all. What did surprise him was when he saw Travis crying. "I'm sorry, Travis! I knew I shouldn't have told you that story!" Mark said.

Travis tried to make Mark feel better. "No, Mark. It's not your fault. I feel bad that you've gone through that. I'm the one who should be sorry. I totally insulted Lance. If he could get into your heart, he must be a great guy."

"You more than made up for that by just listening to me go on and on. You really are a great guy and I'm glad we have become friends."

Travis and Mark hugged warmly. He drove Mark back to Lance's hotel. Once they got to the hotel, they hugged again, then Mark jumped out of the car and ran inside. Once Mark was inside the hotel, Travis said sadly, "I love you, Mark Johnson!"

Mark ran to the elevator. A hotel employee was about to stop him when Spencer told the guy that Mark was friends with *N Sync. When Mark got off the elevator, he quickly went to his room with Lance and entered. The room was empty and the beds not slept in. He went over to JC and Justin's room and pounded on the door loudly.

JC forcefully opened the door. "What the hell do..." JC stopped when he saw Mark. However, he was still mad. "Why are you here? Do you want to hurt Lance even more?"

Joey yelled, "Shut the fuck up, JC! He was hurt! He had every right to be!"

JC replied, "He hurt Lance, though!"

Mark said to JC, "Josh, I will say this very calmly. I told James that I still loved him, but I needed some time alone to calm down and set things straight in my mind. I lost the best thing that ever happened up until I met James today. Then James flips me the shut he did. I couldn't handle it. If I had stayed, I would have flipped out and said things I would have regretted."

"I still don't want you talking to him. He is really upset right now."

"Look, Josh. You have no say in the matter. If he doesn't want to talk to me, then I will leave. He has to tell it to me, though." Mark said adamantly.

Joey told Mark he would take him to Lance. They went into the bedroom where Chris and Justin were sitting on each side of Lance. Lance was lying face down on the bed, crying. Justin and Chris saw Mark. Mark looked at the as if to ask, "Can I talk to him?" They both nodded their heads and got up off the bed.

"Lance, someone is here to see you." Chris said.

"I don't want to see anybody!" Lance cried.

"OK. I will leave then." Mark said.

"Mark?" Lance said quickly, flipping over to his back. He then saw Mark. He cried harder. "MARK!" He jumped off of the bed, ran to him, and tackled him in a hug, knocking both of them onto the ground. Lance fell on top of Mark. "I am so glad you are here! I am so sorry, baby! I can't believe I said what I did! I hope one day you can forgive me!"

"I forgive you, baby. I hope you can forgive me for running off. I just needed some time alone." Mark's cock started to harden when he felt Lance's body on his own.

"I understand totally." Lance said. He then felt Mark's hardening cock. He cracked a perverted smile and said, "Hmmm...what do we have here? Are we getting horny, Mr. Johnson?"

"Oh, I am so past getting horny, Mr. Bass. When I ran off, all of a sudden I pictured you naked, how big that sexy cock was, what it took for you to growl with passion, how sensitive your nipples are when I bite them, what you say if and when I plunge my long hot cock into you..."

They were interrupted by a cough. They saw Justin and Chris still there and blushed bright red.

"Look, guys... your room is in between mine and Joe's and J's and Justin's. When you fuck, please don't be too loud. I am begging you!" Chris joked.

With a straight face, Mark replied, "Chris, we are not going to fuck." Mark's cock got even harder when he said the word "fuck". It was hard as steel now, something that Lance also felt.

"We're not going to fuck?" Lance said, with confusion. "I thought...that is...you were...and I..."

Mark set Lance's mind at ease. "We're not going to fuck. We are going to make love. There is a difference, you know."

Lance's eyes lit up. "What are we waiting for? Excuse us, guys!"

Lance started to drag Mark out of the room when all of a sudden, Mark picked Lance up. "Could you guys open the doors please?" Mark asked Chris and Justin. Chris opened the bedroom door and Mark carried Lance out into the main room.

"What the hell are you doing?" JC yelled. "Put him down!"

"Josh, I love you for being concerned, but shut the fuck up. I was in the wrong here." Lance said, jumping out of Mark's arms.

"Josh, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I will tell you everything." Mark added. He picked Lance back up and carried him out of the door that Justin opened for them. They went into the hallway and over to their door. "Can you get the door, honey? My hands are full of a man so sexy that I could eat him!" Mark laughed. "God, that was so corny!"

Lance opened the door. He was about to get back on his feet, but Mark stopped him. He carried Lance into the room then put him on his feet.

"Will this be what it's like when we get married?" Lance said romantically.

Mark did not see that coming. He said to himself, "Whoa! He's thinking that far ahead? I know I love him, but getting married? We barely know each other. But then again, I did use the name Mark Bass as my pseudonym for that story I wrote." Mark started to laugh hard.

"What's so funny?"

"At first, when you said what you did about us getting married, I was stunned. I thought I hadn't thought that far ahead. I then remembered a fanfic story I wrote a couple of months before we met. I laughed because it's so weird that the whole story has come true so far."

Lance wrinkled his forehead. "All of it?"

"Yes, from my meeting you guys to losing Joel to gaining Travis to most importantly falling in love with you."

"Can I read the story?" Lance asked, hoping to find out what the future holds.

"Sorry, but no. It's not because I'm sensitive about my writing. I just don't think it's wise to know about your own future."

"What's the name of the story?" He paused, then continued. "It's 'Everything I Own', isn't it?"

"You haven't read it, have you?"

"I did back then and loved it. I can re-read it now. I just can't believe that is you who wrote it!"

"Let me re-read it first. I have to figure out if the bad things that happen do because you read it again or not."

"But..."

"Yes, you have a very sexy one and I want to be inside it tonight. I will say one thing, however. I love you with all of my heart. However, there is someone who is really attracted to me."

"Is he a threat to us?"

"Not even a small threat. It's Travis. He gave me a ride back here and told me."

"What do you feel for him?" Lance asked. He didn't want to ask that question, but he had to know where Travis stood with Mark.

"Honestly, I love Travis." Mark said. Lance looked down to the ground. Mark continued. "I love him as a friend, like you love Josh. Yes, I was extremely attracted to him, but that was before you. I could very well have fallen in love with Travis, but you're the one I love and I always will."

"I love you, too, Mark!"

"Now, where were we? I remember!" Lance carried Lance over to the bed and gently laid him down. Mark also laid on the bed, but on his side, facing Lance. "God, you are so fucking beautiful! I hope this isn't a dream!"

"If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up!" Lance said. He got up off the bed. After moving Mark onto his back, he laid down on top of Mark. He could feel Mark's cock hardening under his also hard member. "You are huge! I am jealous!" Lance breathlessly added.

"I can't believe I am saying this, but size doesn't matter. I know that your cock is the sexiest ever!"

Lance rocked their bodies together. Both of them were getting more and more turned on with each thrust. He smashed his mouth against Mark's, kissing him hard and passionately.

"Oh, God, baby! I can't believe I am about to make love to you! I've wanted to make love with you since you sat down next to me on Rosie's show. I knew I loved you the moment I first laid my eyes on you!" Mark said.

"Will it hurt?" Lance asked with fear.

"I'm no sex expert, but it depends on your experience and how long it's been since the last time. At least that is my experience."

Lance's face was crimson red. He had trouble replying. "Uh... what about... if I... that is... I am... uh..."

"It's all right that you are a virgin. I admit I assumed you weren't, but there is nothing wrong with being a virgin."

"I am so embarrassed!"

"Don't be! Are you sure you want to do this now? We can wait if you want."

To answer Mark's question, Lance grabbed Mark's shirt, ripped it open, and bit into his left nipple. Mark moaned with both pain and pleasure. "Oh, baby! That feels so good! Bite that nipple!"

"No, love! There's something else I want to bite!" Lance replied with a growl and an evil grin.

Mark laughed. "There is that wicked side of my Scoopy that I love! Bite me! Hurt me, baby!"

Lance moved down Mark's body, ripping his clothes off as we went further down. He ripped Mark's jeans down his legs, but couldn't get them past Mark's shoes. As much as he tried, he couldn't get them off his feet. Mark snickered, then took off his shoes and socks. Lance finally was able to take Mark's jeans off of him.

Lance was a little scared when he saw the size of Mark's cock. "There is no way in hell I am going to be able to take that monster inside of me! Then he's going to leave me!" he thought to himself.

Mark sensed Lance's fear. "Lance, I'm not going to force myself on you. This is your first time with another man and I want to make it memorable."

Lance sniffed. "Thank you, honey. I just don't know how I am going to be able to take that anaconda that you have hanging between your legs."

"When you are ready, then let me know. Hey, maybe you will be the top in this relationship. It sure as hell would be a departure from what is written in all of those stories in the Nifty Archive!" Mark laughed hard.

"Oh, really? How do they portray me in those stories?"

"For the most part, they are actually right. You're sweet, kind, loving, sometimes kinky, and always the best thing to come along in the lover's life. But you are always the bottom. Oh, and you're hung like a horse. That part is also true." Mark replied, staring at the tremendous bulge in Lance's jeans.

Mark and Lance made love. They made love for hours. The passion between the two lovers is very intense. The heat that flows between them is almost enough to heat a small town. They make love for hours, having orgasm after orgasm. Both of them are shocked that they could come again and again, but then realized that their love for each other was that much stronger than anything they had ever felt before.

Mark and Lance fell asleep in each other's arms after making love. As Mark had promised, Lance was the top. Mark wanted Lance to get used to being intimate with another man before the roles were reversed.

Mark was not a morning person. Because of that, he was not aware that he woke up alone. He went into his bathroom to take a shower. As he was drying himself after his shower, he looked in a mirror to check how his bruises on his face from the accident were healing. He saw none, which took him aback. He checked out the rest of his body and found no signs of his injuries.

Incredulously, he ran back to his bedroom to tell Lance about this strange happening. However, he found his bed empty. "What's going on here?" Mark wondered. "James left without saying goodbye?" He had yet to fathom that everything that happened from the time he won the contest giving him the trip to LA to meeting *N Sync and beyond had been all a dream.

"I can't believe he left like that! We finally made love and it looked like we would live happily ever after." Mark cried.

Mark turned on his television to watch the local news. An anchor said, "Today is Wednesday, March 1, 2000". Mark was confused. His going to L.A., being on Rosie's show, and meeting and falling in love had happened the previous Fall.

"What's going on here?" Mark asked himself. "It can't be March 1! Last night was October 13th!" At first he thought everything after the accident was a dream and that he had been in a coma. However, he quickly discarded that option because he didn't have the bruises and scrapes anymore.

After thinking to himself for a few minutes, he finally came to the conclusion that he never had met *N Sync and fell in love with Lance. His life was back to what was normal to him. He was alone. He didn't have anyone he could call a friend and his love life was basically non-existent.

He had been going through depressed periods, mixed with some quite euphoric times. After waking up from the dream, all hope was lost. He knew he couldn't handle his life anymore and decided he had to kill himself.

He couldn't believe he was that depressed again. He thought that bad part of his life was over forever, Thanks in part to his on again, off again friendship with Joel, or whatever it could be called, he had been happier for the last two and a half years than he had ever been before. He had known there would be times when he would be sad or hurting, but he always knew he would beat it and be happy again.

This time was different. This time was a lot worse than any other time he had been depressed and suicidal. He had a taste of happiness but it was a total disaster.

Since Lance wasn't in his life, he knew that Travis was probably the most important person in his life. The sad thing for Mark was just that, because Travis and he weren't even friends. Sure, they talked some, but nowhere were they near being friends. He was very attracted to Travis, something he was happy about and also sad at the same time. He liked feeling the way he did about him, but he was sad because he knew that Travis wouldn't ever feel the same way about him that he did.

Mark was totally destroyed that he had dreamt that he was happy. "God, why did you have me dream all of that? I finally got to the point where I accepted my being alone. I knew I was meant to not have any friends. Then I had that fucking dream! I thought You loved me! I can't take being lonely any more!"

He slowly went over to his closet and changed clothes so he could go to work. He had been sick for several days now and the illness was responsible for the dream. It was the late morning, but he decided to still go into work. He wanted to say goodbye to everyone and to finally tell Travis how he felt about him.

Once he was dressed, he caught a bus to his job. He got to the building and rode the elevator to his floor. For some reason, he was at peace. Mark felt that he was calm because he finally came up with a way out of his pain.

He entered the floor he worked on, where he ran into Susan, his supervisor. She was surprised to see him there. "Mark, why are you here? I thought you were still very sick."" she asked him.

Weakly, Mark replied, "I'm OK. I just couldn't stay in bed anymore."

"Are you sure you're OK? You don't sound good."

Mark didn't want to deal with anyone asking that question today. All he wanted to do was to see some people one last time and tell Travis he loved him. "I'm OK!" he yelled at Susan. "I really am OK! What does it take to get you to understand that?" He stormed off.

Unknown to Mark, Travis and Peggy, another co-worker, had heard his outburst and had different reactions. They walked up to Susan and asked her what happened.

"I don't know. I think he's just not ready to come back to work yet." Susan replied.

"Well, he has been depressed lately. He came up to Philip when we were talking. They were discussing theater work. Apparently, he works with several theaters in town. Philip told him that he should cut down working with one of them. Mark said he couldn't because that one respected him the most. I joked around, saying, 'Someone respects you?'" Travis added.

Susan asked Travis what Mark's reaction was. "I don't know." Travis replied. "For the rest of that day, he seemed totally destroyed. After that day, he called in sick."

Peggy was suspicious. "Are you saying that he faked being sick so he could get time off?"

"Not in the way you think. I think I hurt him so badly that he couldn't face me anymore."

Peggy snickered. "Boy, are you arrogant! What makes you think you're the reason for his so-called depression?"

Mark had come up to them to apologize to Susan right before Peggy made that last statement. He was very angry by what she said. "Look, you fucking bitch! How cold a person can you be when you think I am faking my depression? What do you want to convince you? My suicide? Well, just wait until tonight then!"

Travis was completely floored by Mark's plans to end his life. "Mark, what are you trying to say?"

"Oh please! Like you even care!" He turned on Travis. "What was it you said to me when Philip was here?" Mark thought for a moment then remembered. "Oh yeah! You said, and I quote, 'Who would respect you?'"

"I was joking, Mark!" Travis said, trying anything he could to calm Mark down. Unfortunately, it wasn't working.

"Don't lie to me, Travis! Look, I know you were right! Don't you think I know I am all alone in this world? I always have been and always will be! Goodbye, Travis. Let me leave you with one thing to remember me by, You might not like me... hell, I know you hate me. But, Travis, I love you. I have loved you for a long time and I always will." Mark said, crying harder with each word he said.

Travis was left speechless by what he just heard. His mind was going a million miles a minute. He couldn't fathom that Mark could like him that way. "Mark... I..."

Mark was without emotion in his response. "You don't have to say anything. I know you don't like me. You were being nice to me because that's the kind of person you are. Someday you will forget that I love you, but I had to say it."

"But, Mark..." Travis started to say.

Mark interrupted Travis. "Can you hold that thought? I need to call someone."

"Uh... OK." Travis said.

Mark grabbed his backpack and went into an office that was empty. He slowly closed the door and began to cry again.

"I'm sorry I have to do this, God. I will understand if I don't make it to heaven. I just can't live like this any more. I don't want to live alone. I'd rather be dead. I know You don't want one of your children to kill themselves, but it's what I need to do."

He slowly reached into his backpack and pulled out a gun. "I can't believe I am going to use a gun to off myself! I always thought it would be pills or slitting my wrists." He stared at the gun for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only a few minutes.

As he pulled the gun up closer to his head, the door slammed open abruptly and Travis ran in. He stopped on a dime when he saw Mark with the gun. He was more frightened than he ever was in his life.

"Oh my God! Mark, what are you doing?" Travis asked, terrified of what he was so sure Mark was going to do.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Mark snapped. "I thought I finally found happiness! I thought I finally found love! It may sound strange, but I dreamt that I met and fell in love with a big celeb. It seemed so real! We even made love! But, I woke up this morning alone and I was reminded how alone I am!"

Travis had tried numerous times to interrupt Mark, but finally had to resort to yelling. "Mark!" he yelled. "It's not a dream!"

Mark was confused. "What? I woke up this morning and it is March 1. Last night was October 13. How is that possible?"

"You must have had a dream about the last five months. You have been really sick. That might explain your confusion. Lance left a week ago. You and he have been a couple all along. He was here just now for a week. You got sick the day he had to leave. He wanted to stay, but I told him I'd watch out for you. Just give me the gun and I will call him."

Mark's mind reverted to one of a child's. "He knows me? Lance Bass knows me?"

"Yes, Mark. Lance loves you." When Mark handed the gun to Travis, he sighed heavily. "Good. I'll get rid of the gun and then we'll call Lance." Travis left the room, where he saw Susan.

"How is he?" Susan asked.

Travis had been very calm and strong when he was talking with Mark. Now, he fell apart. He cried extremely hard. "He's bad! He really was going to do it! He was going to kill himself!"

"Are you sure?"

Travis handed the gun to Susan. "He was going to use this. Please call for an ambulance and don't call the cops. I'm scared of what he would do if that happened. Get rid of this gun!"

"I only want him to get better. Are you going to call him?" Susan asked, emphasizing the word "him".

"I have to. It's all my fault he got this bad!"

"It's not your fault the nurse you hired walked out with no notice yesterday."

"I know, but..." Travis started to say.

"But nothing. Call Lance."

"OK." Travis went to a phone and called Lance's cell phone.

"Hello? Lance's phone."

TO BE CONTINUED

Yes, I know I have promised sex in this chapter, but I kinda chickened out. Besides, do you REALLY need sex in a good story? One of my favorite Lance stories, "Lance In Shining Armor" (read it if you haven't yet!), never had sex and it still was a fabulous story!

Anyway, I am back, hopefully for good. PLEASE e-mail me! I do need feedback that someone is reading my story. Again, my e-mail address is christopher_bass@yahoo.com.