Fadeaway 9
I’m talking to my adopted father and tears are streaming down my face. This talk was long overdue.
“I don’t know what type of person I was before my accident,” I explain, “But for some reason I think this mess is all my fault. I was dating a girl name Tanya. Tanya is lying to the cops saying she saw Rami and Ashley fighting just to get back at me. I’m the reason Rami is in jail. And the even worse than that I was sleeping with your wife. And I don’t know. I just think she has something to do with this…”
I tell my father everything.
I’m crying. I’m crying because I feel like this is all my fault. I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants before the accident. One crazy bitch probably I had sex with was murderous and the other one was a liar.
As I’m sitting there crying Darryl does a strange thing.
He grabs me and pulls me close.
He hugs me.
“Why didn’t you tell me all this before?” he asked.
I shake my head. A part of it was embarrassment. This was the man who took me in and I was sleeping with his wife at some point. Even if I didn’t remember doing it that didn’t make me any less guilty.
“I’m so sorry,” I keep telling him.
I say it a few more times until the tears start to muffle underneath his coat.
“C`mon.”
Darryl leads me inside the house. He’s being gentler than I thought he was going to be. I don’t know why I assumed the tough coach would just chew me out. I thought that maybe he was going to kick me out of the house. I thought he would disown me.
Darryl isn’t doing that though. He gets me a glass of water and sits me in the study. He disappears for a moment leaving me in there by myself. While I’m sitting in there I just feel guilty. I was a slut. There’s no way to really look past that. My promiscuous sex life is what completely ruined my family and had Rami, the guy who I was supposedly the closest to in jail.
In the next few minutes Darryl returns.
He’s not alone. He brings Houston and Yuri in there. Then Darryl turns and leaves the room after muttering, “You guys wait here. I’ll be right back.”
Yuri and Houston look confused. I don’t blame them. Darryl has a serious look on his face. I’m sitting there crying. The two of them look over at me. I’m trying to dry my eyes embarrassed that they are seeing me like this. Yuri raises an eyebrow a little confused and clearly worried about things.
“What’s going on?” Yuri asks.
“I told Darryl I was sleeping with April…”
Houston and Yuri exchange looks. It’s that look that tells me that they don’t want to be a part of this awkward ass moment. I don’t blame them. This family has been torn apart and our secrets are all coming out. It would be easier to just hide in a bedroom and not come out.
I hear Houston whisper something to Yuri along the lines of “This is some bullshit.” But he doesn’t say it out loud. I turn and see Yuri sitting there crossing his arms.
It seems like forever until Darryl returns.
Sydney is with him.
“Tell them,” Darryl tells his girlfriend.
Sydney is looking down at me, “Are you sure?”
I’m confused on what they know and what they aren’t trying to tell me. The two of them seem to hold off for a minute.
“No more secrets in this family,” Darryl explains.
Sydney looks over at me, “April wasn’t the only one that you were sleeping with. You and I were having an affair as well.”
I look around hoping she’s talking about someone else. I don’t understand the time frame. I was sleeping with Sydney and April? At the same time? At separate times? When they were both with Darryl. I didn’t get it.
“Are you FUCKING kidding me,” Houston says.
He looks at me like I have two heads. I don’t blame him. Jesus Christ. I had some issues.
Yuri puts his hands on his head, “Oh wow…”
He looks like he wants to turn into a wall flower or something like that.
Houston on the other hand is just shaking his head over and over looking at me, “Is there anyone that you didn’t sleep with? Honestly James? Anyone?”
I take a deep breath at that moment. I’m beyond embarrassed. Yuri can’t even come to my defense at this moment. He just sits there. I don’t need Houston to be disgusted with my behavior. I was disgusted by myself.
“I told your father about it,” Sydney explained, “It happened shortly after him and I got together. At first you were just flirting and then it got physical one night. I felt guilty. I felt stupid. So I stopped and I told your father.”
I stare at Darryl, “I’m sorry…”
“It’s ok,” Darryl explains to me crossing his arms at that moment, “You’re a kid. I get it.”
“So are we all gathered around to find out who all James had his dick in?” Houston asks clearly annoyed, “Because if that’s the case we’ll probably be here all night.”
“Stop,” Darryl tells him.
I shake my head, “No. He’s right…”
I was disgusting. I was a pervert. This shit was inside of me. Even if I couldn’t remember it. I had no limits. Family. Friends. I slept with everyone’s wives. I slept with everyone’s girlfriends. I was getting girls pregnant. I was a fucking mess.
“This isn’t about that,” Darryl explains before turning to Sydney, “Tell him what happened after you stopped the affair.”
“Somehow April found out about it,” Sydney explains, “I don’t know how. All I know is that she was obsessed with you and angry that someone else had you. She started calling me. She started threatening me.”
“April did?” Houston asked.
Yuri shakes his head, “That is kind of hard to believe.”
“You guys don’t know the true April,” Darryl explained, “April has a violent past. She changed her name and tried to hide who she was several times. When I fell in love with her I assumed she was a changed person. I didn’t break up with her over infidelity. I broke up with her because she has obsessive tendencies…”
Sydney shakes her head, “She tried to kill me…”
“Why not go to the cops?” I ask.
“No proof…” she said shaking her head, “When you found out about it you were headed over there to get proof. You got the proof. You were breaking it back so that we can go to the cops…”
“Then what happened?” I asked, “Why didn’t we go to the cops?”
Sydney and my father look at each other. It’s clear they were the only two aware of anything.
“You got into the accident,” Sydney explains.
Shit…
There is a silence that goes over the room. April did it. It was clear as day now. She tried to kill Sydney and then tried to kill me when I was about to rat her out.
“Maybe I can go back. Maybe I can get more proof.”
Houston shakes her his head, “How the hell do you plan on doing that?”
“I’ll get her to admit it,” I say…
My heart is racing at that moment. Zion is in the car with me. I don’t know why I call him to drop me off. We are in front of April’s house at that moment. It’s raining today and we are sitting outside of April’s house. The house looks familiar to me. I feel like my memories are slowly coming back.
“You don’t have to do this,” Zion says.
“Rami is sitting in jail. It’s all my fault.”
“If she tried to kill you once before what makes you think she isn’t suspicious of you now?” he asks at that moment.
“I don’t know…” I shrug, “With my loss of memory maybe she thinks that I haven’t pieced everything together.”
“You want to bet your safety on that fact?” Zion asks me at that moment before shaking his head, “Because I’m not.”
“Zion…Rami is in jail over something he didn’t do. I have to help him.”
I don’t know how else to say it.
Zion shakes his head at that moment, “Rami is a lucky guy.”
“It’s not like that.”
Zion sighs a little bit. He’s bothered. It’s clear he’s bothered and he doesn’t believe that Rami and I have nothing going on. Maybe he’s right. Maybe he’s wrong. I don’t know. All I know is that I have to help Rami regardless of what we have going on. All I know is that I have to get proof that April had something to do with Ashley’s death.
“What if your wrong?” Zion asks, “Ok. She has motive. But what if she didn’t do it?”
“Then she’ll have nothing to hide, right?” I ask.
“Fine. Let me show you how this works.”
Zion still seems a little uneasy. He leans over at that moment and grabs the wire recording device. He opens my shirt and puts it on there. I watch him hold up another device. He whispers “Test” into the wire and the device fluctuates.
“How’d you find one of these?”
“My dad owns a vintage shop,” Zion explains, “A bunch of bullshit in there that you never can really use except for off the wall moments like this.”
He laughs. He has a pretty smile.
“Well I appreciate it. All of this stuff you’re doing for me,” I tell him, “I feel like this is the last step to getting my life back. Well that and getting my memories back.”
Zion looks up at me. His beautiful eyes are glaring at me and shaking my head.
Zion shakes his head, “A selfish part of me doesn’t want you to get your memories back.”
“Why not?”
“Because I feel like you’ll forget about me again. I’ll be that fly on the wall that you don’t notice again. I’ll be the lame boy that you never look twice at.”
I look over at Zion. For some reason I can tell he really thinks this is going to happen. He really is assuming that I will completely forget about him.
“You think I’ll forget this?”
I lean over and start kissing him right then and there. I put all my passion into it. My tongue is down his throat. I’m rubbinig onto the back of his neck and pulling him in. The rain is beating around his car and we are kissing heavily. I begin petting his crotch feeling it get erect in my hands. His tongue is so sweet. It tastes like mints. Everytime I’m this close to him the past doesn’t matter. All that matters is the way that he leans forward trying to pull me in to him even more. Our chests press up against one another.
I am holding his dick in my hands. The hardness of the dick just makes me horny. I want him right now and right here but I’m hesitating.
“Damn…” he’s saying.
He’s aroused. I am as well. We are breathing close to one another. I want him. He wants me.
“We have to stop,” I state.
“Relax. No one’s going to see us,” he says, “Look how heavy it’s raining.”
He guides my hand up and down his shaft. I watch as he unzips his fly and pulls his dick out. It’s fully erect on the driver’s side seat of the car. The dick is beautiful. He has a huge head and solid veins aligning his dick. There is no curve to his dick. It’s thick, swollen and completely straight.
My mouth waters.
“No. It’s not that,” I explain to Zion, “I was promiscuous. I had sex with anyone and everyone before the accident. I want things to be different with you. I want…to wait…”
He looks up at me. He plays with my hair.
“You aren’t so bad after all,” he tells me, “It is possible to change.”
Change. The concept is something that I am very familiar with. I’m a whole different person than I was before the accident and truth be told I’m happy about it. I have this boy here who I have all my attention to. I have this boy here that I want to give my all to.
And he’s a ride or die kind of guy. He isn’t going anywhere.
“I’ll be back,” I tell him.
“You better,” he tells me.
He kisses me again. It’s another deep kiss full of passion and intimacy.
I’m nervous as I get to the door. By the time April opens the door I’m standing there looking at her. I have my umbrella up stopping me from the rain. It was Houston and Yuri who told me how to get over to her new house. They were all depending on me right now. I was doing this for my family. I was doing this to correct the issues that I’ve caused.
“James?” she says, “What are you doing here?”
She’s standing in full make up at the door. She’s a beautiful older lady. Her hair flows down to her shoulders. She has on a silk nightgown that wraps around her slim frame. She looks over at me with a puzzled look.
“I don’t know. I just remembered this place all of a sudden and remembered you stayed here. I decided I had to come see you.”
She smiles at that moment, “Come in.”
I can’t read her. As I walk into the house I see it’s smaller. She has candles lit. She guides me into the house at that moment.
“Yeah…this place looks familiar.”
“I’m glad,” she says, “I’m glad you came over. I’ve been meaning to talk to you. Wine?”
“Sure,” I say.
I watch as she leads me into the dining room area. I put down my umbrella at the table. I sit down at the table and wait for April to come back. When she comes back she has two flute glasses and a bottle of wine.
“You’ll love this,” she tells me, “It was your favorite. Do you remember?”
I look at the wine. The fact that she was giving someone underage wine definitely lets me know the kind of person she was. Did she use this to loosen me up back in the day? Did she use the alcohol to seduce me? Hell…maybe I was the one doing the seducing. I had no idea.
I watch as she touches pours the wine. Slow…deliberate. She passes me the wine. She watches as I sip it. Her eyes are glued to me. She grabs her hair and moves it all to the right side seductively. It’s as though she’s trying to be sexy.
Little does she know I’m completely gay now…
“It tastes familiar,” I state, “I remember.”
She nods and takes a sip herself, “Aw good. Is there anything else you remember?”
Her eyes seems to be cross referencing me in a really suspicious way. I can’t help but to just stare at her at that moment. I’m trying not to seem suspicious. I’m trying to act normal as if I didn’t have a wire hidden underneath my shirt.
“No…not really,” I explain.
She smiles, “Aw…that’s horrible.”
She’s acting like she’s disappointed. I know better though. She must be relieved. She must be relieved I don’t remember the type of person she is. I don’t remember how she tried to kill me. It doesn’t matter. I’ve put the puzzle together. I know even without remembering.
“Well…I do remember one thing,” I say.
“Oh?”
“For some reason I can’t get you out of my head,” I explain at that moment, “I don’t know what it is.”
I watch as she smiles, “Sometimes it’s fate. You know? Sometimes you are just so drawn to someone that you just have a connection to them. You know that kind of random, unexpected connection between two souls? Souls that probably shouldn’t be together.”
As she speaks I’m thinking about Zion. My connection with him was like that. I shouldn’t be with him. I was the popular straight lady killer. He was the unpopular out-of-the-closet gay boy. We shouldn’t have clicked but we did.
It’s Zion who brings the spark in my eye.
“And it doesn’t matter that you shouldn’t be with the person,” I express myself, “All you care about is that person. All you think about is that person. And nothing…not even a faulty memory can keep you away from that person. It’s fate…”
I can hear her take a deep breath. April is blushing. She thinks I’m talking about her. That’s not the case. I’m talking about Zion.
Still luckily I seem somewhat believable.
“Is that how you feel about me?” She asks.
I look at her deep in her eyes. Luckily there is something about James that still KILLs the ladies.
“Yes…”
I watch as she gets up and walks over to me. She sits on my lap. I feel so uncomfortable with her sitting on my lap but I grab her waist in an attempt to fake this shit.
She is looking deep in my eyes.
“Strange,” she says.
“What is?”
“You used to get hard every single time I sat on your lap,” she explains.
She’s right. I’m soft as ever. She’s doing nothing for me.
“I’m just a little nervous. I haven’t been around someone in such a long time.”
“Even that girl Ashley that you got pregnant?” April explains, “You know I don’t like that. I don’t like how you had sex with her.”
I shake my head, “I know…it was stupid. I was a different person then…”
She shakes her head, “It hurt me.”
I nod and shake my head.
“Maybe we can start over. You know. Trust each other.”
She smiles at that moment and nods, “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for that…”
“You said my family was trying to kill me.”
“Yes. They are. They’re trying to kill you,” April says shaking her head, “That’s why I’m here. I’m here to protect you.”
I smile, “Good. I feel safer with you.”
She nods at that moment. She leans in an attempts to kiss me. I can’t even fake it. I find myself pulling away a little bit. She has the nerve to have me feeling uncomfortable in that house when this whole time she was the main threat.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
She’s sick.
“Just something is bothering me,” I state, “That bitch…Ashley…the pregnant one who tried to trap me. The cops say that Rami killed her.”
She nods, “Yeah…sucks doesn’t it?”
“No. It’s amazing that she’s dead. You know it was my baby right?” I tell April.
Lies.
April looks at me and sighs, “You’re happy she’s gone?”
She looks confused. I have her right where I want her. I just feel bad though. You know? Maybe Rami isn’t like the rest of them. I mean if he would do that for me…that is dedication. You know?”
“You think?”
“Yeah. It makes me sick he’s sitting in jail for helping me out…”
April shakes her head.
“Rami didn’t kill her…” April said.
“What?”
April shakes her head, “No. You don’t owe him or any of the Payne’s anything for that. They don’t care about you. You think they look out for your best interest. Hell no. They never have. It was always me…”
Jesus…this bitch was crazy.
“April what are you saying?” I say.
April shakes her head, “You know what I’m saying…”
I needed the confession, “No…I don’t know…”
April gets off of me. She walks over to the vanity. She’s leaning on it. She’s staring in the mirror. There is a madness that I can see reflected back. She has lost it a long time ago. This woman isn’t right in the head and I know it. I just needed her to say it. I needed that confession.
“I killed her…” April says at that moment before turning around to me, “I killed April for you.”
There!
I got her!
I GOT THE CONFESSION. I feel like turning and running at that moment. I get up at that moment. I’m so antsy. This was all I needed. This was all I needed to get Rami out of jail. This was all I needed.
“I see…”
“But you know that already…didn’t you?” April said.
April is standing there at that moment shaking her head.
“What? No. But you know I’m happy you did. I appreciate it…” I say.
I look to the door.
“You ok?” April asks staring at me, “You look nervous all of a sudden.”
I’m staring at the door. I could just run out the door and jump into Zion’s car. I didn’t have to keep up this charade. I got the evidence that I needed.
“I’m fine. Just happy. You know. That we cleared the air. Now I can stop feeling bad about Rami. Now me and you can…you know…whatever.”
I can’t even fake like I care to pretend anymore.
“Good. Make love to me now then.”
“What?”
“Make love to me,��� April says, “Come over here and make love to me…”
Fuck. I can see myself sweating right now. My heart is racing. I can’t do this. I won’t be able to perform. I need to get out of this house! I look at the door! I need to make a run for it. I need out of this house now!
I hesitate, “Sure. Well. How about I run to the bathroom first…”
“That’s where I was hiding. In the bathroom,” April says laughing, “When I killed Ashley. She didn’t expect it.”
“Oh…um…ok…well let me head to the bathroom.”
“Don’t you want to hear the details first?”
Strange question.
I look at April, “Why would I want to hear the details?”
“Wouldn’t that help with you trying to convict me?” April asks at that moment, “Isn’t that why you’re here. You’re trying to get me to confess to what I did. Aren’t you?”
How did she know…
I am ready to turn. I’m ready to run. But then I notice April pull out a gun. She aims the gun at me at that moment. She has her finger on the trigger.
“Sit…I have so much more to confess…” April tells me, "Before you die..."
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