Readers: Please don't read this is homosexual content offends you--but i'm guessing it doesn't because you're here--or if its illegal. I hope you enjoy this and any feeback is greatly appreciated. I like getting emails. morijane3004@yahoo.ca
Chapter 3
I was pissed off. Actually I was too calm to be pissed off. But I was something-especially because every time I saw that gorgeous head of hair, I wanted to sink my hands in it to see if it was as silky as it looked. But that's something I shouldn't be thinking. He was an asshole. Feeling me up then leaving with Andrew without a second glance.
Okay, maybe I was thinking like a chick, but seriously. I think what bothered me the most was that I was letting this get to me at all. I had promised myself that I wouldn't care for or bother with any other guy after the incident and so had painfully spent the last two years freezing my heart. There were times where I thought that maybe that was foolish. That maybe I was just hurt right now, but that I shouldn't deny myself love or happiness..but then something would happen that made me return to my motto. Sometimes you have to give up a world of happiness to avoid the inevitable world of pain that comes with it. Too much could go wrong. They could cheat, play stupid fucked up games, they could lose interest, they could hurt me, leave me, die. Yes, I know, that's what life is, but...no. Can't explain it but that's how I feel. Adamently.
And yet, every once in a while, temptation would come along, and this time it was in the form of one hot Alex Drover. And now that I was interested-wearily, of course-he was playing games with me. Ugh. Fuck this. I had more important things to deal with. Like getting out of here. Shit, how long was this class gonna last?
I was tired and wanted to go home to get some sleep before the party. Kat still had something going on after school, so I didn't bother waiting for her when I got out of English class.
I was on my way out of the building when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was my buddy David. I've known the guy practically all my life. We met at peewee soccer 11 years ago and absolutely hated each other. Well, he hated me. I had liked him though-he had had brown hair that made him look like he was constantly shocked. I don't even remember why he hated me, but he did until I offered him some of my graham crackers. What can I say? Kids are weird.
"Sup D?"
"Just about to leave, you?" I asked.
"Nothin', man. Sick of this shit. I just got 3 more assignments today," he complained, rolling his perfect blue eyes. "Anyways, you wanna chill out? I'm not in the mood to go home."
"Yeah, all right. Let's go. But we're gonna have to sleep for a bit. I'm exhausted."
"Cool with me," he replied.
We made our way to his Jeep Cherokee in the student parking lot. Not bad for a first car. I climbed in and was about to close the door when I noticed Alex standing two cars away from us, watching me. I stared back. He smiled and gave me a slow sexy wink. I don't know what it was about winks, but whenever someone gave me one, I was like putty.
A hand grabbed my arm and shook me. It was David.
"Yo, man. What you looking at?" He leaned forward past me to look.
Alex saw David and frowned. Then he looked at me with an angry look. I turned back to David only to see him looking pissed off as well. What the fuck?
"Common Damien, let's go."
Oookay. Sure. I closed my door and we sped off towards me house.
I waited. After 5 minutes it became apparent that David wasn't going to explain what just happened, and I sure as hell couldn't figure it out.
"So. You wanna tell me what's going on between you and Alex?" That was me, always straight to the point.
"Alex, who?" he asked innocently.
I almost laughed. The nerve of this kid.
"Uh.I don't know. Alex Drover? Your jock buddy you were being real friendly to in the parking lot?" If he was going to try to be a smartass so would I.
"Oh, that. It was nothing. Don't worry `bout it. Just some shit with the team," he said, trying to act casual. But he does this cute running-his-hand-through-his-hair thing whenever he's nervous. He was doing it now.
Now, I was more curious than ever. My boy hardly ever lies to me but he was doing it now. First Kat now David? It was my turn to roll my eyes.
"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll get the truth from you later," I said.
He relaxed visibly. We turned onto my street and I remembered what his reason was for wanting to stay at my house.
"So why exactly don't you want to go home?"
"Oh," he laughed. "That. Well I skipped one too many classes and I think the school called my house today. And so mom is probably mad. She called my fucking cell phone during Lansky's class. That fucker has something up his ass. Fuck, I almost got a detention. But yeah, I don't want to go home until after the party cause I know my mom isn't going to let me go if I went home."
"Shit. Well you can stay tonight too," I offered.
"Really? Thanks, man," he looked over at me, his eyes dancing as he grinned. "I love you, man, you know that?"
He reached over and ruffled my hair. I blushed and smiled back shyly before looking out the window. I was never comfortable with those words, but I was secretly glowing inside. It wasn't like I was in love with David, but he meant a lot to me. It felt good that he felt the same way. Can't depend on too many people these days. Or any days, really.
After we reached my house we chilled in my basement. The basement was my haven. There were three rooms; the TV room, my exercise room and my bedroom, plus the bathroom.
I got a few drinks out from my stash and we sat back, played a few video games. I won another race when he picked up a pillow and slammed it into my face, and grimaced. I laughed and jumped up and tackled him on the sofa and he fought back until we fell to the ground, him lying on top of me, laughing. God he looked so beautiful when he laughed. I gazed up at him, my breath caught in my throat. I could feel every inch of him body against mine and I was getting hard. I tried to stay still, hoping he wouldn't notice, but his body was shaking from the laughter and all the moving turned me on. All the thoughts of naked women couldn't distract me from the thought that I could feel his cock resting on my hip. I groaned.
He froze. He looked at me with wide eyes, searching out mine. My mind was racing. What was I going to do? I couldn't let him know I was gay. People weren't that accepting of gay people and even though we were good friends, I knew that caution was best. I panicked. I shoved him off of me and stood up, looking anywhere except at him.
"Hey. Look at me, Damien," he said softly.
I shut my eyes and breathed in a shaky breath. I exhaled sharply and flicked my eyes to his. I saw compassion and understanding on his face.
"It's okay. I already knew. And even if I didn't, you are you and I love who you are.Besides, gay people are the coolest." he smiled.
I laughed, nearly collapsing with relief. I had some questions, but I decided they could wait. I was just glad that this wouldn't change our relationship. Obviously, if he knew about me before now, he hadn't changed his attitude towards me. So I would try my best to pretend nothing had changed. In this world you can't trust many people, if any, especially about this. But I knew in my gut that Dave was a good guy. I could trust him.
"Common D, let's get us some beauty sleep. I don't want to look like shit tonight."
He grabbed my hand and tugged me to my bedroom where he tried to throw me onto the bed. I wasn't having any of that so I tripped him up so that he fell face down on the mattress. I clambered up to straddle him, trapping his hands behind his back and leaned forward to speak directly into his ear. It felt good to be back in control.
"I win. As always," I said smugly.
"Never!"
And with that he started bucking so hard I was scared I would fall off the bed and bang me head. I jumped off of him and he pounced, tickling me until I couldn't breathe because I was laughing so hard. I begged him to stop but he wouldn't listen.
"Who wins?!" he screamed, grinning madly.
"Me!" I gasped.
"Who?"
At this rate the front of my pants would be clearly wet in 5 seconds-and not with cum this time.
"You! You win. Stop ittttt!" I relented.
"Yeah, that's right. And don't you forget it."
He laid back on my bed with his hands behind his head looking all like a cat that got the canary. I whipped my pillow down on his face then settled back to get some shut eye before the party.
I awoke to loud laughter. I groaned in protest. I treasured my sleep and some bitches just woke me up.
"Awww, is baby up?" It was Kat's voice.
Soft, feminine hands pushed the hair off my forehead, causing me to open my eyes.
Kat smiled at me then lightly slapped my left cheek.
"Get up, D. You still have to get ready and we're leaving in 15 minutes."
I got up at that news and sprang towards the bathroom, shoving a laughing David out of my way.
"You assholes, why didn't you wake me up?" I asked while I stripped bare. I grabbed my blue toothbrush from the cup near the sink, put some toothpaste on it and entered the shower. Never know, I could get some action tonight. As twitchy as Alex was I wasn't sure if I'd ever get some from him, but I wanted to taste minty-fresh in case I did.
I was at war with myself. So was the water it seemed. The only thing that I hated about living in the basement was that the water sometimes had trouble maintaining any temperature I set it at. This time was either freezing or close to burning me.
Part of me wanted to get with Alex, or anyone. The image of Alex's hot body that was permanently etched in my brain sure helped. I was strong now, and I was pretty sure I could control my emotions. I had taken my experiences and learned what I could from them. And even if I wasn't as strong as I thought I was, no one should live a hermit because they are scared. I may not get the best ending, but I would get moments that I would remember fondly. Heartbreak is pain, but loneliness is too.
The other part of me knew I was rationalizing. Relationships are too fucked up to get into. Everything could go wrong and it would. It wasn't a fairytale life so why expect any of it to resemble one? Yes, I know its cynical but too many times have I been wrong to have any hope. Stupidly there was a little left that I just couldn't get rid of. That's me. Always the hopeless romantic. Breaks my heart whenever someone gets hurt. Hurts even more when I read happily-ever-after stories that make me so ecstatic only to realise a moment later with a stabbing pain that that wasn't real life. But I still clung to those stories. They were like a lifeline to me. The people were never real, but at least they experienced happiness. In those stories, love was real. It was depressing. But then depression is a comforting blanket. When you're sad, you're sad. No high hopes, no happiness that can be taken from you. It's just you and darkness. Solace, even in some twisted way, peace.
I sighed. I had had this fight thousands of times. In the end, loneliness always won. But for some reason, it depressed me more than usual. Maybe being with Alex wouldn't be so bad? It was my last year before going off the university. Maybe I was too serious. I've been told on numerous occasions that I sometimes thought too much. And then I had to remind myself that I wasn't even sure if Alex was gay.
That thought grounded me. I laughed and rolled my eyes. I was stressing over making a decision when I may not even have to make it. And then I realised that even if he was gay, we were both in the closet so it wasn't as though we could really go out anyways. Two years ago I would have, but two years ago I was also stupid as hell.
I was jolted out of my thoughts by loud banging on the bathroom door.
"Hey, gorgeous! Hurry the fuck up. We want to get there before the party's over," Kat hollered. "Hold on. I'm coming," I replied
"You can jack off later!" That was David. He's so funny sometimes.....
"Fine. But only if you help."
Then I remembered that he knew I was gay. Fuck. Me and my mouth. But then I just brushed it off. I used to say all kinds of shit to him before, when I didn't know he knew I was gay. We were friends, it was cool.
I shut off the water and wrapped the towel around my waist.
Kat whistled when I came out. I struck a pose and blew her a kiss.
David threw a shirt at me and struck me in the face.
"Hurry up, bitch," he added. "Don't want to keep Alex waiting, do you?" He said the last part with a slightly bitter tone that I didn't really understand. I opened my mouth to ask him what his problem with Alex was again when I fully realised the significance of what he just said. I whirled around.
"Kat! I can't believe you fucking told him!" I yelled.
Never one to cower, Kat went on the defensive.
"Relax! He told me he knew about you being gay and I got excited and told him. Look, I'm sorry.it just kind of slipped out. I wouldn't have done it if it were anyone other than David."
"I fucking hope so." I was still pissed. I yanked the pants she had chosen for me out of her hands and put them on.
"I'm sorry! I swear I won't tell anyone else." She walked up to me and gave me a hug.
I exhaled hard. She was hard to stay mad at. I enveloped her with my arms. Then David come over tried to cut in, shoving Kat away so that he could hug me. Kat just laughed and hit him in the arm.
Me and David left a few minutes later, leaving Kat behind. We offered to take her but she wanted to wait for Mark to pick her up. Besides', she had said, this way me and Mark have a place to do it after the party.' I almost gagged.
My stomach started flipping when we got closer to Traci's house. By the time we were walking up to the door I was beginning to lose my cool. It wasn't the party. The party was looking pretty great. I loved the music, there were lots of people there and even more drinks. But I hadn't decided what I was going to do about Alex. Well, actually I had. Even if he was into me, I wouldn't do anything with him. But I didn't feel satisfied with that answer. And I couldn't stop my dick from rising when I saw him a few minutes later-even though he was locked in a kiss with Brenna Highnes.
sorry to stop it there, but...it seemed like an okay place to stop. Tell me what you think! morijane3004@yahoo.ca