Don't read this if you aren't of legal age to view this where you live. It contains sexually explicit material. All names, places, and events are entirely fictional, and any similarities to real-life events are entirely coincidental.
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Well, I didn't think I'd do it, but here it goes. I plan on getting back on the horse. I have a lot of abortive half-chapters to finish. Let me know what you thought at ohwantanabe@gmail.com
For once, I wasn't the one being called a faggot.
Tony glared at Alex from the other couch in the living room. Alex glared back, but was clenching his fists.
"Tony," Amy said a bit pleadingly through a forced grin," he's your cousin, your favorite cousin, don't call him names."
"A fag is a fag is a fag," Tony growled," and he's no cousin of mine."
Apart from our initial introductions, Alex's not-cousin hadn't even given me a glance. He was shorter than Alex, but more heavily built with a faded close crop and severe eyes. There wasn't much family resemblance.
I was wringing my hands beside to Alex, doing my best to remain invisible. Amy and I had attempted small talk; I liked her, she was sweet and said she'd ordered pizza, but whatever the two of us could muster up in the way of conversation was background noise to the high drama taking stage next to us.
"What, T," Alex prodded," afraid those bathtub pictures we took together when we were three are gonna show up? Don't worry, you don't show, I won't tell."
He wasn't doing much to cool things down, even winked at that last bit. I cringed.
"Do I look like I take it up the ass, little cuz? I assure you, I don't," he added with an unhinged tone of voice and a predatory look thrown my way. I didn't enjoy being put on the spot in this situation, but something about flaunting, or his intimation that I was the bottom, in front of people I'd just met, got me off. I pulled my legs up and sat Indian style, for discretions sake.
He could really make anything about sex.
My fidgeting earned a nasty look from Tony, but after lingering a while his face changed to an almost pained grimace.
"There's no...gays in our family. Anybody found out, it wouldn't be long before that was true again," He got up and paced in a tight oval," ah shit, why did you tell me."
I wondered that too. I wasn't out, but I had a bit of a reputation. Alex, however, could have gone forever without telling anyone, he oozed masculinity. Why did he bring me here?
"I think they're cute together," Amy smiled then furrowed her brow," You are together, aren't you?" Alex stretched out, and lit a cigarette. I'd gotten a quick go at the first aid kit in the bathroom, I was patched up, wasn't bleeding through my T, but seeing the glow come from the end of the stick made my shoulders ache.
The past couple weeks, half the things I saw made me think of him. Associations being what they are, he was well on his way to taking up the other 50%.
"We aren't making wedding plans," he nonchalantly blew a swirling cloud across the room, then leaned over and put the Marlboro to my mouth, the cool end this time," I dunno."
That was a hell of a lot better than I had gotten this morning. I couldn't help but grin foolishly as I took an acrid draft. For all I know this is some kind of game, power play. Alex liked those, although making them on me wasn't much of a challenge, not that I minded.
"That'll be the delivery," Amy chirped, glad for a change of subject, and lept to the door.
"Let me pick that up," Alex offered, pulling his wallet from his back pocket and handing me $40.
"W-wha? I..," I asked, and exchanged the last a cigarette for the money from Alex's hand. I looked over at Tony, who didn't seem to have an immediate problem with it, then, clenching my fists and frowning at Alex, I walked past him towards the door.
"Uhf," I jumped a bit as he slapped my as and shot him my dirtiest look. This was not the time.
Amy didn't want to accept the money, but I gave it to the pizza guy before she got back from her room. I smiled in a conciliatory way as we put the pizzas in the kitchen. It gave me a chance to talk to Amy while we got plates and fixed drinks. I was curious.
Tony wasn't Alex, obviously. But they were blood. Alex was so wild, I couldn't imagine him settling down the way Tony had. I found myself staring at Amy's back through her tank top as she rinsed some dishes. There were a lot undone stacked beside the sink. She wasn't the cleanest housekeeper. What I really noticed was the absence of any marks. Even before Alex, I'd never show that much skin in public, and I can't imagine if we ever lived together it would get any better.
She caught my eye when she turned around and looked at me strangely. Pointing over to the fridge she told me," Go get some beers, or whatever else you want."
She paused and frowned.
"Are you even old enough," she asked.
Any situation where you had to bring up that you met the age of consent was a losing one. I replied with my back to her as I grabbed the beer," I'm a senior."
"In highschool," She wasn't stupid, and I shrugged as I brought the beer over. I hated beer, but the only other option in that mold-trap had been expired milk.
"I just don't want Alex getting hurt," She kept pressing me and made no motion to go back into the living room as she finished plating some pizza," I've known him since we were 13."
Hurt? Alex? She was getting entirely the wrong read on our relationship if she thought that was the likely outcome.
"He can...," I struggled with what to say, I needed examples to justify what was a very unconventional relationship," You and I are practically the same size. How am I gonna hurt him."
She reached out and pinched my thigh as I juggled the beer to keep my hands from freezing off. Not big on personal space.
"Shit, you must be at least a 0," She looked playfully put out as she complained," I'm a 2."
I grinned. It was true. She was very pretty, with that bit of voluptuousness that straight guys inexplicably liked.
"That's not what I meant. It's just, after the last girl, who since I never met her, was probably a boy, Alex had a hard time. He dropped out for a bit, missed some important opportunities in the family, and that's why he's doing what he's doing, driving around, you know."
I didn't know. I didn't know anything about him.
"I care about him, I really do," I said in the understatement of the year," But what do you mean..."
crash thump We were interrupted by violent noises from the living room. Amy gave me another strange look, then rushed to see what had happened. I wasn't far behind.
"Tony," She shrieked when she saw the brawl that was developing," Alex! Stop, stop, stop!"
I at least accepted that there was nothing I could do about it. They paid her no heed, and Alex and Tony were currently standing, though not for long. Alex tried to kick Tony's legs out from under him, but it didn't work, and Tony grappled him, and they crashed onto the coffee table, splintering the legs at every angle like some comedy sketch.
Alex had reach, but that was mitigated when they were so close. Tony, judging from how gymed up he was, looked stronger. They were a fierce twist of limbs and curses.
"Fucking faggot, If I had known."
"You woulda ugh pushed me on the floor and ugh had your way with me?"
Gay baiting was not the way to de escalate this situation. Alex obviously didn't want to. Whatever it was, adrenaline, whatever, I wasn't too upset, just kind of numb. I stood beside Amy, who was not so calm. She was crying, and looking around like she didn't know what to do.
"Girlfriends upset," Alex yelled, he'd spared a look over our way as they pushed themselves up again," Why don't you go see what's wrong. Kiss and make up?"
"Fuck you," Alex's inattention had been a mistake, and Tony lunged with a fist and caught him from below with a punch from the stomach," There, pillow biter, how do you like that?"
I cringed when Alex got hit, but he recovered quickly, and got what looked like a ringing counterpunch to Tony's crew cut temples.
"It's ok," I grabbed ahold of Amy, and hugged her, trying to maneuver her out of the danger zone, back in the kitchen. I was just in time, because they bowled over the dining table just as we left," They've just gotta work it out their own way."
I had no idea if that was true. I'd been in fights, but there were all one-sided to my detriment. How did most guys see it? It could either be reconciliation or the start of a years long vendetta. I smoothed Amy's hair as she sobbed into my shoulder. We both jumped at every crash and sound. I was starting to get scared too.
"Tony," She yelled, and pulled away from me, after catching a peek. I turned around, and it was obvious Alex had gotten the upper hand. Tony was backed into a corner, standing up and trying to guard, but Alex was wailing on him. Tony looked a little dazed.
"Go, please go," She stupidly inserted herself in between the two of them, protecting Tony. It did give Alex pause though, and he held back, shaking his fist, which was turning slightly purple with bruises
"I'm sorry he called you names, but family shouldn't do this. You're supposed to love eachother..."
I watched Alex reel himself in. His nostrils flared, but his chest was slowing down. Tony looked miserable, both from the fight, and how Amy was fawning over him.
"Not going. I paid for some pizza," Alex's eyes roamed the room before they settled on me," C.J., stop being useless and get me some, and a drink."
I tried to catch Amy's eye for a second, or protest that Amy had told us to leave, but maybe, if we stayed, we could salvage something of this.
I ran, stacked a few slices on a plate then came back, and a can, tried to hand them to Alex, but he waved me off, pointing to the table.
"Put mine there, and get stuff for everyone," He cockily sat down at the head of the rectangular table and called out to where Amy and Tony were huddling," Family dinner folks. Love you cuz."
I set the rest of the table, rushing back and forth. I tried to stand there nervously, to wait and see what our hosts would do, but Alex told me to bring up a chair next to him. He wrapped his left arm around me while eating with the other
"Not gonna eat," He commented with his mouth full after I sat down but didn't touch the slice in front of me.
"No, just..." I stuttered. I couldn't eat after that, how the hell could he. "I'm waiting on..."
I would've forced something down to avoid his ire if they weren't already on their way to the table. Tony looked defeated, and Amy just sat and tried to smile.
"Thanks C.J., it looks nice," Amy tried to make small talk, but it was just Pizza Hut on her own chipped plates," And you too Alex, for the food."
Alex looked pleased, smiled as he ripped the crust off and dunked it into some garlic butter, but I couldn't get a read on the situation. This was their apartment, but Alex acted like he owned it. Similar to the way he acted about me.
"You're welcome," I said before I finally took a nibble. Everyone but Alex was staring into their plates, sullen or nervous," Is Tony ok?"
"I-I don't know," Amy looked about ready to cry again," He said he blacked out for a second, and he's really tired. I think he might have...a concussion."
Our eyes went to Alex, who snarled, took a desultory bite before leaning over to whisper in my ear while the arm around me squeezed," I'm not done. If I don't get to finish with him, you're getting it."
His breath rushed into my ear as he hovered there, making staticky noises. It was hot and wet against my skin. So now, on top of everything else, he was gonna make me pay for his cousin's homophobia? For his own hurt feelings. I didn't even consider pawning it off on Tony. That was something my mother would do. Invite a monster into her house, then let it eat her kid.
I loved this monster. And something about me loved being his his jaws. Choice of monsters. The option almost made me feel lucky, entitled.
"I want it," I kept my voice small, and it wavered," Don't give it to anyone else."
I turned and met his lips with a small kiss, that he drew his hand to my neck and pushed his tongue through mine to make it bigger.
Maybe I was being stupid and naive, but, I thought," Can someone kiss you like this if they don't love you back?"
It didn't last long enough for me to figure it out, and eventually he chose to acknowledge the other people at the table, breaking away from me and looking at the two of them.
"We're leaving," He said and stood, to everyone's relief," You gotta get to the hospital Tons. Don't fall asleep."
He left, and walked to our room, and since he didn't ask me to, I didn't follow. I was already packed anyway. Amy tried to get Tony together, put on his shoes rushed around for her keys, and Alex came back quickly with my bag, and a huge tweed sided suitcase, not the duffel he'd brought in.
"That's not...," I said, motioning at the case hanging off his arm.
"It is," He said with some finality, obviously I wasn't supposed to push the issue. After a quick look around at the trashed living room and where Amy and Tony were standing, he headed out the door without another word. I shot after him, catching him at the stairs.
"Think we're gonna be invited back, hah," He cackled as he stomped down. The air was a little warmer than it had been last night.
I wasn't sure if this was one of those questions where he didn't want a reply, but I ventured, as we walked to his car," I'm...really sorry about that Alex. Sorry it happened like that."
"Well, yea," His jocularity was cracking a little, and he even sounded a little upset as he added," That was my coming out party baby."
"Coming out as what," I said acidly as I slipped into the passenger seat," A psycho?"
"See, that's what I like about you," Alex grinned as he got in on the other side and shoved the suitcase in my lap," Lippy. When Amy was bawling her eyes out, you just stood there. I bet you could've made a running commentary."
Why did our jokes always devolve into cruelty? And what he was describing was my own acclimation to his actions, not some deficit in Amy's personality.
"Ceej," He poked me in the neck as he drove off, not giving me time to stew," Aren't you gonna ask what's in the case?"
Guns. That's what was in the case.
Altogether, seven assorted pistols, and a submachine gun, and a disassembled AR-15, all hidden in cloth. He carefully unwrapped them once we'd checked into a hotel room and laid them out on the other bed.
"I don't understand why you don't want to hold one, just to see how it feels," Alex was mock aiming what he'd informed me was a Baretta Px4 at our TV," I'll let you try out one of the smaller ones. Although this would look so hot in your hands. You have those thin pale fingers."
I was studying the nails of my "thin pale fingers", trying not to let on how uncomfortable I was. Sitting next to him in my briefs and t-shirt, I'd expressed interest as he went over the details of the firearms. His eyes lit up in a way I'd never seen when he wasn't getting off in some way.
"They're just...not my thing," I leant sideways to avoid getting an arm in the face as he circled his around, taking imaginary potshots at the lamp that was on the other side from me as him," And I don't want you losing your deposit."
"Hah, we're not gonna see that anyway," He laughed, and then letting his arm fall to my shoulders, he put the pistol up to the side of my head, so the slide was flat against it and the barrel pointed up. I spared a thought for our upstairs neighbors, and hoped someone, somewhere, was doing the same for me.
"You don't really like guns, do you," He tapped it gently against me, smooshing my ear with the handle," You're squirming."
After this evening's display, damn right I was. The bed wasn't the most comfortable, and the duvet was probably bed-bug infested, but I grabbed a handful of it, and willed my teeth to let go of my lip. I pulled my head away, and nuzzled his shoulder.
"No, they're fucking terrifying," I admit, stupidly," All metal and plastic. Things of death, stolen from the earth."
I didn't mean to get so poetic, but my heart was pounding in my chest. It was too late, he was gonna do what he set his mind to.
"Damn, sorry you feel that way," Alex apologized in a voice that said he wasn't sorry at all. He wrapped his arm further around me, and lay the side of the gun pressed up against my face, the barrel lining up with the tip of my nose. With the finger that he might have pulled the trigger, he pulled my lip open from the other side of the gun.
"I was gonna ask if you wanted to suck it off," He drew the slide past my lips, so I left a trail of wetness on the matte black. He continued, his voice heavy, but composed," shove it down your throat for a few hours. Let you do what you do best."
"Uhnnn," I couldn't help but whine in distress and with the hope of distracting him, I stroked up his hairy inner thigh, over his boxers. He was hard, tenting out, big as always. Feeling it with my fingertips, I lightly teased up its length, feeling the dampness and countering," That really seems like a waste of my talents, y-you know..."
"You're right," He smiled, pulling it away and replacing it with his other hand, with which he pushed a finger through and rubbed my clenched teeth," And you have such a nice smile for trailer trash. Were they all out of gold caps?"
"N-never needed em, I...ah," I called out in surprise as cold metal slid under my waistband, and jammed itself between my cheeks. I looked pleadingly at him. I was getting scared.
"Then, I thought, why not do something we both can get enjoyment out of," He thrummed in my ear as he brought it up and down against my backside," What about I push it through that sweet little cunt you have, and fuck you til both of you cum."
I didn't know what was a threat anymore. In that moment, I believe him. I imagined the rough metal splitting my insides, then simultaneously, as it pushed me over the edge, he'd pull the trigger, and my guts would fall out of a hole in my stomach.
"I...Alex...I...Please...Anything...," I couldn't get a sentence out but for what was turning into hyperventilating. I hadn't had a panic attack in over a year, and I usually had high tolerances, but the last 24 had exhausted my reserves.
My chest pumped up and down very quickly, but he pushed that thing in my most tender of parts. The front sight grazed the soft skin of my entrance and I lost it. I tried to get up, tried to get away from him, but he was ready, and immediately viced around my chest with his arm, constricting it even further.
"Lemme go, lemme go, lemme go," I pleaded, the edges of my sight were blurring, I was getting that tunnel vision that panic brought. I was getting sweaty, and all my muscles were screaming. I squealed, and struggled helplessly against him," I-I'm not s-scared. I'm having uh, I'm having uh. P-panic. Att-tt-ahh!"
Grabbing from my chest, he flipped me across himself, and slammed me on the bed, stomach down. My seizing muscles made me pull up, stick my ass in the air, but his weight was on me, our underwear not hiding what was bulging at his crotch. Snaking his hand under my waistband, he roughly pulled them down and off me, somehow managing to get his own off too. His knees pushed mine apart, and his big dick plunged between my thighs, rubbing past my perineum and smushing my balls.
Was this a delayed reaction from earlier? Was this my limit, a little gunplay? It seemed like more than that, everything was crashing around me. The feel of him over me, corralling me, trapping me. I should have expected the wetness between my buns, but it seemed a new and unique peril. Then his fingers rent my sore tightness apart, slippery and urgent.
"Babe, baaabe," I moaned out of the side of my mouth. Most of it was pressed against the rough plasticky duvet cover, but i managed to make a little bit of myself heard," This is diffffurnt. Prrrease."
"It is different," He agreed into my ear, ringing like a shot through a forest," I've never seen you like this. You're real, you're...broken down. You're some kind of animal. And you're mine for the taking."
This was insanity. Metaphor was one thing, maybe one thing I use too liberally, but he was right. And then he was in. And a metal harness pushed up at my neck into the base of my skull.
It was maybe the quickest fuck we'd ever had, but it seemed to last ages. I was panicking, he was fucking, making my legs impotent because of the intrusion at their axis. He dug the gun into me.
I wasn't hard. Not one bit. He just pierced flesh wound so tight I'm surprised he didn't lose circulation. My bits were just pressed between me and the bed. This wasn't mutual.
He came before it ended, and his final thrusts, the gooeyness that was squirting in my insides, dripped over the last of the attack, then I quickly descended off a cliff. My breathing slowly went back to normal. I was no longer hot, and the sweat began to cool me off, despite his big body on top of me. Overstimulation was replaced with numbness, and a sort of sleepy fugue.
He lay there, inside of me for I don't know how long, before groggily rasping at my ear," Go again."
I nodded. Because while I couldn't say no. I could definitely say yes.