Well I guess we all have to start somewhere... This is my first story EVER, and I would love to hear what u guys think I should do... I need to know where I should change and stuff and, bla, bla, bla. U know the drill... It is a true event and it happened some time back... I don't really know where to put it, but this was emotional for me, so I guess I'll just post it here...
The air was bright and full of colour the day I met her, the birdie's flying high above the beautiful, green summer trees. I was riding around on my bicycle (I am always on my bicycle) when I saw her, I looked at her with amusement in my eyes, she was sitting on the grass in the plain park, my park, she wasn't fazed by me at all, she just kept staring into the deep debts of... of... Well I had no damn idea what she was looking at, all I was interested in, was looking at her, and for the first time in my life, I could feel my heart do a little galloping on me. I didn't want to stir her or bother her, but she didn't seem to be doing anything ,so I pondered if I should go over and maybe just ask her in what school she is in. I thought about it again then again then one more time, and went right on over... (Keep in mind, I am not the prettiest girl in town and I was still young at that point in my live, like say 17, and I didn't like just walking up to strangers, actually I never did, but hell! This strange lady didn't seem to have any bad intensions and it didn't seem like she had weapons on her or anything of the sort...)
I stopped near the sidewalk and got off of my bicycle, I walked over to her and putted the bicycle not too far behind me. She tried to avoid me, or so it seemed. I walked up slowly, studying her black shiny hair waving lightly in the mild wind, she had torn jeans on and a weird looking T- shirt, she had some bangles and stuff on her wrists, and a piercing in her eyebrow, I'm not use to people dressing like this, but it didn't bother me at all, although it might have bothered a lot of the towns people and surly did! (I live in a very small town where people are religious and very few of them are open minded, we live to other peoples expectations and breath the air of rusty old mines.)
Then I finely gathered some courage to speak.
"Hello?" I said thinking that this was by far the stupidest thing I had ever done in my entire damn life, and I would probably regret doing so.
My heart almost jumped out of my throat when she looked at me!
I was stunned, you know that feeling you get when you want to just pass out on the spot, well that was exactly the opposite of what happened to me, my heart, mind, soul and hormones started to work over time, it was like suddenly going into a hole new galaxy! Well, you call it what you want.
Then came her voice, soft, hesitant, and curios... "Hi?"
"Er..."
Hesitating, looking at some well known features in the park. Thinking to myself Damit Leoni! You came this far, if you turn and walk away now, you wont just make yourself out to look like a idiot, you'll never get to know this fine lady over here, so say something you damn fool!
"What school do you go to?" I finely blurted out in a weak toned voice.
"Oh, I'm done with school, finished last year..."
"Oh, so you don't go school here?" Great! I asked her something she just told me! What is wrong with me! Can't I operate like a normal human being anymore?
She looked ant me raising a eyebrow... But then let out a little smile.
Oh my gosh! That smile doesn't make me melt at all, it made me freeze dead in my tracks. Suddenly I could only stare at her, and she... Well she was just looking at me.
After what seemed to be quite some time she spoke.
"And in what school are you?"
"Well I am in the school right up the street." I pointed in the direction.
(Yes! It would have been easier to just say the name of the school, but could you blame me for forgetting the name? :P )
She nodded.
"You are new here?" I said knowingly.
"Yes, just came to visit my parents, then I'm of again..."
"Oh, where too?" I forced a smile. I didn't know her, but yet I didn't want her to leave me here.
"I am saving up some money so that I can go live in the England."
Pffft, what a dream. I thought to myself.
We talked a lot and got to know each other a bit better. Soon a car pooled up and she stood up quickly, I jumped up, and stood there looking at her walk towards the car. She stopped and turned around, looked at me and said.
"My name is Reanda by the way."
How could I not have asked her that, here I was asking a bunch of crap about school and stuff!
"Oh, and mine is Leoni." I said with a sheepish look on my face.
"Wait!" I yelled out before she got into the car, oh and making a fool of myself by doing so.
"Where and when will I see you again?" I asked expectantly.
She just smiled at me, and said.
"You can catch me at the store Easy-E, where I work."
I nodded and thanked her whilst walking backwards.
"OUMPF!!"
Yes... It happened... I fell over my bicycle!
I stood up as quickly as I could possibly manage and smiled as if nothing had happened, to bad for me she saw the hole thing! Why couldn't the driver jus drive when she got into the car!? Why did he have to wait for me to do the idiot thing again! I was still hot red after she had left, and couldn't believe it every time I thought about it.
It was a few weeks before I built up enough courage to actually go talk to her again, (I told most of my friends about her, not the part where I felt like a Jellytot in a child's gnawing mouth bit when I was with her, but most of it...) I stopped by the shop with my beloved bicycle and walked in, it was a cool place to hang out, the shop, it had posters of girls in bikinis on the walls and it had bright lights against the walls as well, it was a bit dark in there though, and they had a lot of new style clothes and cell phone covers in display.
She sat behind a counter looking at me with that all knowing smile, I couldn't help but to smile back at her... I just begged god not to make me knock over something as I walked her way.
"Hi there biker girl." She said still smiling at me.
"Hey." I said turning redder then the F1 T-shirt I was wearing.
"How are you today?" I asked to change the subject that might just come up.
"I'm OK, I just can't wait to get out of this dump."
"Ah, I see." I nodded.
(She came from a big city, being here in the small town wasn't comfy and it was all new to her.
I learnt more about her the passing season. She loved little dogs, she was about to turn 21, she didn't `just' finish school, she was in a band, she wasn't visiting, she was living here, but she said it would only be for a short time, she was brought back from the big city by her parents who thought she was up to no good... Oh and she didn't like chocolate very much, neither did she like teddy's L )
I would go to visit her at the shop every day and we would talk, chat, joke and sometimes be serious, but that happened seldom.
We started talking about sex and stuff one day, and I told her I couldn't see myself with a dude... she just gave me that smile again...
(After a week or so.)
"My parents are going away this weekend, would you wane come watch a movie or something at my house?" I asked reluctantly.
"Sure! What time do I swing by?" She asked casually.
Whoohoo!! She said she'll come! Doesn't that mean anything! She is coming to MY house tonight, we are going to watch a movie! She's coming to visit ME!
(Yip, `that' was exactly my reaction to her answer.)
Taking a big breath.
"Well, you know, no big deal, you can come when ever you want, you know, what ever suits you..." I said trying to be cool about it all.
(But inside I was screaming. Pleaseeee come early so that I can spend more time with you! If you are planning to come 7pm make it 6:59pm so that I have just one more minute of your time!)
"Well OK then, ill swing by, hummm say around 8pm?"
Disappointed. "Great! See you then." Acting cool, the main thing I should do at this point.
I went to the shop to bay some grape juice and got a movie, a thriller.
^Knock, knock, knock^
It's her! It's her!
I ran to the door and opened it, there she was, late, but there she was J
I hoped she would smell the soup on my skin, the perfume in my neck and the fresh shampoo in my hair, I even plugged a few eyebrows and put on some eyeliner...
What is she doing to me? Why do I care what I look like? Why is my hair hanging loose, I never let my hair down! Why! Why! Why!
"Hi" I said with a coy look on my face and a shiver in my voice.
"Hey you!" she said chewing on some strawberry bubblegum. (She was always chewing something.)
She walked right past me, I think she noticed me a bit, because she didn't look at me like she would usually, and she lingered a bit when walking by.
"Well, what are we watching?"
Stuttering a bit. "Well I just got a thriller, er, it is `The chainsaw of Massacre'.
"Oh, good!" She said with approval in her voice.
There we where, seated on the couch. Oh god! We where so close to each other.
I could feel the heat her body produced. I wasn't paying any attention to the movie what so ever, how could I after all?
"Leoni." Her voice came flouting towards me.
"Hm." I managed a sound.
"What's the time?"
Great! That's the best question I have heard all day long! Was that suppose to be a pick up line or something? How about would you like to kiss me? Or something more like that. What ever happened to coming on strong damnit!?
"Oh, sigh let me see." A quick smile and I turned toward the watch.
I turned around again quickly and managed "It's almouthhs..mmm....."
Her face just came up close and she forced her tong into my mouth, at first I didn't know where to start, then I realized she had already started for me, then I got confused a bit more, and she stopped, I didn't even close my eyes... What a disappointment, my first real kiss was, a kiss to remember, I'm sure of `that'!
Silence had hit the room and we where both awkwardly quiet.
I then turned to her, looking at her with embarrassment.
"Maybe next time ill kiss better..." I said shyly.
She then placed her hands on my neck, (Oooo! It sent shivers and down my belly and shot in to my spine.) I was still looking at her, I didn't know if I should concentrate or what I should do at that point. Should I even be thinking right now? Why can I hear my breathing? Why is she smiling?
"Calm down..." Came her voice wisely.
I took a deep breath, then moved my head in closer to hers. Finely my mouth landed on her lips, (Oooo! It was softer then my pillow, I could swear to it!) She opened her mouth a bit to test if I was going to open mine as well, hell! I couldn't be happier to do just that!
Our tongs started to twirl a bit then jus dance around, I could taste the bubblegum she had chewed earlier, I guess that was near to the happiest day in my life! I nibbled on her lower lip a bit, (Still don't know why I did `that'.) and my hand made its way to her back, I pooled her a bit closer to me, I started feeling all fuzzy and couldn't help what I was doing... I drew her into me as we went down to a laying position on the couch, and in one movement she slid her thigh between my legs. Never in my entire life had I felt the shocking pleasure of someone ells rubbing up against me.
Then she began to kiss me a little hard and became a bit dominant, she pushed her hand up my blouse, I wasn't ready for this, I wasn't prepared, and all I could do was make sounds. (She is well built, so I didn't stand a chance against her!) She must have thought that my sounds where out of joy and excitement, well hell! I didn't like to burst her bubble, but I was getting a tad scared, but somehow I liked it... (Yha, I know that's a bit odd eh?) Anyways,
She started fumbling with my breasts through the cotton bra and they reacted to her touch all to freely! Traitors!
(I knew if I didn't stop her then and there, that, that night it would have been more then just a first kiss...)
I got hold of her hand under my blouse and pulled it down and out, she stopped kissing me and looked at me concerned...
"Did I do anything wrong, Leoni?" She said in a whisper.
I sat there not knowing what to say or do, yes, I wanted her, but not now, I was to young to be even thinking of all of this...
"Ha ha ha, no silly, I just want to go to the bath room."
It was a fake giggle, but it was something, and as for the hole `bath room' thing, hell yha I needed to go there, I just didn't know why ,yet.
I went into the bathroom leaving Reanda behind, alone on the couch.
Closing the door and walking strait to the sink to wash my face...
Thoughts of what might have happened if I didn't do what I did overwhelmed me and exited me in ways I didn't know existed.
How could this beautiful lady sit there and I'm standing here?
She has to go home. I thought, trying to make sense of what was happening, trying to keep up!
"Reanda." I said softly as I walked into the room.
"Yes." She said with a grin.
"What are we?"
Silence. Her grin faded.
"What is it you want Leoni, we can be what ever you want us to be."
What ever I wanted! Did you hear that, what ever "I" wanted!
"Maybe you can be my girlfriend, if you want to though, if you don't want to I don't really mind I just think..."
I was stumbling over my words, so many things I needed to tell her, so many things left unsaid... till today...
"Yha, sure Leoni, we can be that."
I smiled softly, relived and shocked by what I just asked her. And gave her a light kiss when sitting down.
(I wasn't being me...)
Soon school came around again, it was homework, sport and all the things I had to do around town, there was my friends the teachers and most of all... My park J
(I lived in this town for 7 years, and yet, still the best place seemed to my park...
It has big trees all around, chairs you can sit on, there is always people under the trees, lying, sitting, doing what ever it was that pleased them so, there is always birds in the sky, the sky... oh yes, the sky... so bright of colour and filled with live. Little insects all around in the air and ground, cars driving by here and there, kids playing football, or tag and what ever it was they did, lovers just waltzing by, the perfect place to be when you needed some time to think, I went there just so I can breath... breathing in the air of my park was like waking up to a new day.)
I thought I'd tell one of my best friends about my new found love.
Her name is Ane, I have known her since we where toddlers, we came a long way.
I told her everything that happened and she was supportive, and she came out and told me she was BI... that was OK with me, because Reanda was BI as well...
(Little did I know they had more in common then I had hoped.)
I introduced the two of them, and they seemed to get along very well...
That's when everything went downhill, a spiral and I couldn't make it stop!
My parents started disliking Reanda a lot, god knows why and they had forbidden me to talk to her, they didn't know that we where `seeing' each other, I think they would both die of a heart attack if they had to find that out! (They mostly disliked her because of the roomers in town.)
I still hanged around Reanda and Ane, Ane seemed to be close by no matter what I did, I hated the way they looked at each other, the way they would make contact, the way she would giggle when Ane would do something silly, the way they had what I wished we could have... I hated it, I hated it damit! I still do to this day!
Why didn't she like me as much, was it something I said? Did? Was I too fat? Too concerned... why Reanda? Why?
I soon started seeing less of Reanda and I would have done anything to impress her, I wanted to win her love, I wanted to be the one she dreamt about at night, like It use to be... like it use to be...
Soon we didn't text each other anymore, I wouldn't stop by the store, and the times I did, she was there with Ane, my friend had become my rival, I longed for Reanda to love me, I needed her to, I pleaded on my knees at night...
I was writing her poetry, although she hated poetry, I never came around to giving it to her, just the one...
Soon my parents said if I saw her again they will get a restraining order against her, I didn't listen, I needed her, although she didn't need me! Why did she kiss me that first time, why did she say we can be? Why did she promise me the world when all she had was a small piece of land?
(Then came the day I had been dreading to meet.)
My parents had done what they said they would do, they said it was for my own good, they said it was because they loved me so... they say too much.
The last words I ever said to her was... "I am afraid."
I hate that feeling, I hate that words, it was the first time I ever told someone I was afraid, the first time I was afraid of what tomorrow brings. I didn't want to lose what I had already lost...
I was right...
`I shouldn't have ever walked up to her!'
(I still see her now and then, but only from a distance, it still hurts every time I speak to Ane, she only reminds me of what I could never be...)
My park... PFFFT! What damn park!?
(The trees don't chuckle in the winds blow like they use to, the birds no longer sing their little symphonies of joy, the sky I loved once had grown old and grey... the life I use to breath had been sucked out of my park... The lover's had become enemies and the children had grown to become lazy and dull!)
Sure, the stranger lady in the park had no weapons I could see, instead she hid them, only now revealing them to me. My dreams where no longer filled with Reanda's loving embrace, it was only waking up to tears. I missed her a lot for some time, but soon got all carried away in music, and I did everything I could to keep my mind going and never stop from flowing, to keep the thoughts from coming in again... The memories... She is so near, but yet so far. If I could do it all over again, I never would have stopped that day in the park, I would have never looked at her even twice!
(I fell flat on my face, I would prefer it on my ass though, but this time it was my face... She was a first in a lot for me... my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my eye opener, my first heart brake...)
((Here is the poems I wrote her, I already posted them in the poetry section, but I guess putting them in here couldn't do anything harmful...))
girl from the park
The first time I saw you,
I felt my heart melt away
The fist time I talked to you,
I didn't quite know what to say
The fist time I got your attention,
I felt the growth of affection.
This feeling so true,
This feeling I only share with you.
Your strikingly beautiful,
And you seem to have a heart made out of pure gold,
In your eyes, the ocean I behold
Your skin as smooth as silk,
Your skin ,the colour of fresh poured milk.
In your pretty black hair;
A smell of fresh ocean air.
How I miss you so much
Long for your lustful touch,
Your words, so sincere,
It makes me want to brake a tear.
I see you every day,
But still you seem to slip away.
I am not needy,
Nor am I greedy.
But...
My heart is acing,
And for you it seems to be braking...
Knowing you
Saw you sitting there on the green as can be plain,
The way you looked, drove me out of my mind, drove me insane!
I would have never had the thought...of you and me,
But here you were, talking to me!
-now...-
knowing we would never be,
brings a little tear to my eye.
Knowing you never liked me,
Makes me want to brake down and cry.
I know you don't like poetry,
But these words I need to say,
If I don't,
they would surly burn right through me every single day!
When I gaze into you reddish burnt up eyes,
I suddenly see all the truth in your lies.
I use to like your limpy walk,
And I loved your grimpy talk.
The things you wear,
The way people would stop to stare.
Knowing you never really cared all that much,
Is knowing you never had the true touch.
You'll probably never talk to me again for writing this poem,
Well its okay with me now, go ahead and moan!
All this riming is driving me crazy!
Do you know I would've picked you the rarest daisy?
I use to like you sitting by my side,
Its funny how the feeling seems to subside!
Oh, the glitter in your eyes,
The stutter at you mean, mean lies!
I really hate my emotion riming,
I try to believe it all is just bad timing.
But realizing all I have just said,
Is realizing your just plain dead!
Knowing we would never be,
Brings a golden teardrop to my eye.
Knowing you never really loved me,
Makes me want to curl up and die!
Lost in memories... That use to be...
You use to look at me with that all knowing smile,
It made me blush for a little while.
You use to know how to make me giggle,
You use to like me tickle...
How the days and seasons have past us bay,
Now they only wish to see me weep and cry,
I use to think we would forever be,
You know? Just you and me...
I use to wait for you to call,
it is funny how they meant nothing to you at all,
I use to scribble out your name in all my books,
And there you where staring at a other girl's looks...
We use to kiss in the pouring rain,
Now I sit alone in the dripping tears,
but only it had grown more vain...
My heart no longer rhythms to the stampeding dears.
I don't have the smell of you on my jacket anymore,
I don't have our photo on my door.
You use to make me think too much,
Now you made my heart crumble like old fudge.
And yet again here I am,
In the wet park once more,
But only it is not my old trees in the winds blow,
It is no longer the daisy's I use know...
How you use to make me smile,
How you made my drumming heart jump a mile,
It is no longer me you `tell' your love to,
I'll never forget you... but you go ahead and do!
Mel...
coment to celtic@mweb.com.na