This story is a complete work of fiction, and is not meant to imply anything about anyone. While some of the characters may be loosely based on real people that I know, none are meant to actually represent anyone, particularly any of the members of the Backstreet Boys.
We may wish that they were gay, and maybe some of them even are, but I'm certainly not about to say that they are. :) If any of them happen to be reading this (hey, we can dream can't we?), feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think.
As usual, if you are offended or made uncomfortable by material concerning sexual relations between consenting adult men, lighten up or go somewhere else. Also, if it is in any way illegal for you to be reading this type of thing, please don't. Or do, just don't get caught.
e-mail = good
This is my first time writing a story like this, and it's also my first time letting other people read anything that I've written, so I'd really appreciate any comments (good or bad) that any of you may have. If they're bad, please support your opinions so that I can improve. Drop me a line at pierce_phillips@hotmail.com
Well here goes....
"Ya," I said when I picked up the phone, regretting picking it up immediately. I was exhausted. This was the first full night of sleep I'd had in a week.
"That's how you answer the phone?" My dad can always make me feel 5 years old at the drop of the hat. Even though I am a 30 year old surgical resident at a prestigious hospital.
"That's how you greet someone on the phone?" I retorted. Ha. I'll give as good as I get. I knew I could never match him tit for tat....but call me an optimist.
"Pierce, is that anyway to speak to your father," game, set and match point to the elder.
"Excuse me sir," I caved, "I'm not fully awake yet." What a coward I am. Stand up to the man once in your life.
"I've got a request of you." My dad never has requests. He calls them requests. They are really orders.
"What's up dad?"
"Well since you got Raven these concert tickets for her birthday, I'd like you to take her." Raven is my 11 year old half sister. My dad remarried a younger woman after my mom died and a few years later Raven came along.
"What night is that next week?" Please don't say Wednesday. Please don't say Wednesday.
"Wednesday." Damn. Damn. Damn. Must come up with excuse quickly. Mind blank. "Isn't that your night off from the hospital."
The thought of lying crossed my mind. "Yes, that's my night off." Chicken. Must come up with excuse. Must come up with excuse.
"Well can you take her?"
"Yes, sir." Damn the fatigue. As soon as I hang up I know I'll think of 10 reasons why I can't take my sister and two of her friends to a Backstreet Boys concert.
"Well that's hardly the enthusiasm I was looking for but since this is your gift you can blame yourself is this make your feel uncomfortable."
"Why do I think you are getting great pleasure out of torturing me?" I asked.
"Probably because I am. You can come about 5:00 on Wednesday night. That way you can pick up the girls and take them for a nice dinner. "My treat."
"Me entertaining three pre-pubescent girls, just what I wanted to with the first day off in two weeks," I whined.
"Well if you would have went into the business, I could have supplied all the days off you could wish for."
"That's OK. I'll stick with my chosen profession," I had stood up to him for once in my life. Feeling redeemed I asked. "Is that all I can do for you?"
"Well you can come by more often," he put in one last dig, "but I guess that'll do for now. Go back to sleep son. I'll see you on Wednesday."
"Have a good day dad." I said half-heartedly.
"Goodbye, son."
Now don't get me wrong, I loved my dad very much. His personality was so different than mine. He took over and dominated every situation I had ever seen him in. I on the other hand tried to blend in as much as possible. I could take charge of a situation, if I had to, but I seldom wanted to. My dad was one of my heroes though. He's a man of character and when he is pleased by something I've done, it feels like the sun came out just for me that day.
I groaned as I lay back on my pillow with visions of myself surrounded by young screaming girls watching a boy band. Beep. Beep. Beep. 'Perfect,' I thought. No rest for the wicked. I chuckled to myself.
Wednesday came all to quickly. "Hello, Raven. Hello, girls," I said as I entered the living room of my father's home.
"Hello, Pierce. Aren't you excited?" Raven came running up to me, wrapping her arms around me in a hug.
"Oh, I'm ecstatic," I said.
"Daddy got us back stage passes for after the show. We get to meet the guys!!!"
"Won't that be really late for you to be out on a school night?" Please someone say yes. Please. Please. Please.
"No, Raven and the girls are off for parent-teacher conferences tomorrow," Raven's mother burst my bubble. I knew I was justified in my dislike of her.
"Oh, isn't that nice." I offered. My dad had this big grin on his face.
Defeated I decided it was time to go. "Bye, dad. Bye, Isabel. I'll be back as soon as I can."
"There is no doubt in my mind, Pierce. Have a nice evening." I wondered if I had the nerve to put a hit out on my father. I'd have to contemplate that later.....
On the way to the concert, Raven had brought along her 'Millenium' CD. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the music wasn't that bad. It wasn't my genre but I liked the harmonizing. They also took it upon themselves to educate me on all things Backstreet Boys. By the time we got to the concert I knew everyone's name, what they looked like, what they're favorite color was.....anything that these girls could pick up from the internet or teen rags. I hated to admit it but I was having quite a time. These girls and their enthusiasm were so different than my day in day out life or death hospital world was a tremendous contrast. I heard giggling behind me. I looked at my sister for an explanation.
"Jennifer thinks you're a hottie," she whispered. Great. I had been told by my infrequent dates that I was very good looking. I am 6 foot tall. Brown hair. Brown eyes. I like to play with my facial hair. Recently, I have been keeping my beard about a week growth. I had on my Calvin Klein jeans a white t-shirt and a V neck sweater and of course my leather jacket. I don't go anywhere without it. My charms can not be denied to the fifth graders of the world. I just shook my head and entered the concert hall.
Although , I do not remember any part of the concert that did not include the shrill screams of the girls in my ears, I did enjoy the high energy concert and amazing light show. After the concert, as I handed the security guard our backstage passes, I could see it in his eyes. What is your relationships to these girls. Entering the room that the other lucky pass holders congregated, I realized that not only was I the only male there except for the security guard, I was by far the oldest person in the room. 'It is almost over,' I tried to comfort myself.
The doors at the back of the room entered and the boys entered. Feeling somewhat foolish by this time I tried to blend in with the back wall. My plan was working perfectly. The guys were making they're rounds. The twenty or so fans that had backstage passes surrounded them. A few times I caught the one of the Backstreet Boys eyes and they nodded and smiled. I was pretty safe though. The girls were getting their fill of hugs and autographs.
"Well you have more facial hair than our usual fan," as I turned to identify the voice that was approaching me from the side. It was Brian. I looked into his bright blue eyes and could not for the life of me turn my eyes away.
"I have no doubt," was my reply. He was so good looking. His chiseled cheeks were dimpled with his mischievous smile. I could tell why he was so popular. He was as sweet as syrup. I could not contain the grin that I gave him. "Well I am by far your biggest fan," I gave my own mischievous grin.
"You have brought your sister or your girlfriend and I doubt you have a clue who we are," he challenged.
"Ask me trivia about the Backstreet Boys, I assure you that I am an obsessed fan. All day long, BSB. BSB. BSB. I just wish there was some compensation for Backstreet Boy worship." I continued.
"OK. What is AJ's favorite color?" he smiled confident that I could not answer it.
"Well that would be aqua. Yours is blue. Kevin's is red. Nick's is yellow and Howie's is green," inwardly thanking the girls for their tutelage.
"Well. Well. I don't know if I should be impressed or worried." We laughed. Again I could not turn my eyes away. He was so gorgeous. Suddenly, I realized that there was something wrong with that face. He was growing abnormally pale. I was about to ask him about it when his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he began to slump down. I caught him just in time before he hit the floor.
"Someone find a doctor!!" Kevin yelled. The security guard was ushering the disappointed girls.
"I'm a surgical resident at County General downtown. Could you send someone to my car to get my black medical bag? Here are my keys. It is a black Mercedes convertible on the second floor of the parking deck. Someone call 9-1-1."
I started to examine Brian. His pulse was slow but acceptable. When my bag arrived I started to unbuttoned his shirt. I put my stethoscope over his heart. Slightly abnormal. But nothing life or death. "When did he have heart surgery?" I asked Kevin who had been hovering over us.
"Almost two years ago. Do you think it has something to do with what is going on now?" He looked like he was going to pass out himself.
"No. His vitals are good. I can't rule it out. But I don't believe that Brian passed out because of a heart problem."
"I knew you weren't a fan," Brian said, "any fan worth their weight in CDs knows about my surgery." He was weakly smiling. Taking pleasure in his finding me out, despite the serious circumstance.
"Busted," I said. "I brought my sister and her friends to the concert." I continued my examination as the paramedics entered the room.
"Can you ride in the ambulance with Brian?" Kevin asked, almost pleaded.
I looked at my sister and her friends. I'm sure Kevin read the frustration on my face. "We can take the girls home in the limo," Kevin offered.
"My father would kill me," I thought out loud.
"Please, I know this is asking a lot. But with my cousin's medical history, I think he would be safer in your hands."
I glanced at my sister and her friends with what I was sure was pure frustration.
Kevin spoke right up, "I'll make sure your....dates get home safely."
"My sister and her friends," I corrected. "Alright, I'll ride along to the hospital if you'll take the girls home. Kevin, I don't believe it is anything really serious and I don't want you to think by agreeing, that I consider Brian in any danger."
"Thank you, Dr....."
"Pierce. Dr. Pierce Phillips."
"Dr. Pierce Phillips," Brian repeated. I turned to him and smiled. "Brian Littrell, nice to meet you," I said.
As I was climbing into the ambulance, I glanced over at the limo. My sister and her friends were on top of the world. Riding high as they climbed into the Backstreet Boys limo.
I climbed in and felt utterly useless. The paramedics had taken over the care of Brian. I decided that I would try to keep him calm on his trip to the hospital. I took his hand in mine and was about to reassure him that everything would be just fine. Big mistake. I felt instantly aroused at his touch and was to worried about him to take my hand back. I had never been so unprofessional in my illustrious medical career.
"Everything will be alright," Brian said.
"Hey, your stealing my lines."
"I'm pretty sure my body is just worn out from lack of sleep, to little to eat and to many encores at the concert."
"Why haven't you been sleeping and eating?"
"Just had something on my mind...." his sentence drifted off, unfinished.
"Want to talk about it?"
"No, that seems to be part of the problem."
"Well you've got to find someone to talk to or this won't be your last trip to the hospital," I warned.
Chapter 2 - The Hospital We sat in silence for the rest of the trip to the hospital. I was looking forward to handing this off to first available emergency room physician that I came in contact. I was feeling very uncomfortable staring into those blue eyes.
As Brian was wheeled into the emergency room of my hospital, I began giving the staff instructions for Brian's care. Even after the capable attending physician came into the room, I continued to be the primary care giver. I ordered expensive test explaining Brian's previous medical history. The test were expensive but I thought Brian could afford ruling out any serious heart problem.
One of my best friends happen to be the nurse in charge of Brian's care. She came in to hook him up to an IV. Brian was a little dehydrated. When Brian saw what she was doing he got very pale. I again held his hand and began to talk to him to distract him from what she was doing. When she saw this intimate jester, Carole's curiousity got the best of her. "So Dr. Phillips, I thought you had the night off."
"I did. I was at Brian's concert and afterward while I was talking to him, he passed out," I explained giving her a warning look.
"Oh, I thought you only listened to jazz," she countered.
"Busted again," Brian victoriously grinned. "I took Raven and her friends to the concert and my father generously donated backstage passes." I ignored Brian's mischievous grin.
One of the older nurses entered the room and saw me dressed casually inquired, "So what's the story with this patient, Dr. Phillips?"
"I was just telling Carole that that while I was talking with Brian tonight, he passed out. Probably nothing serious. Most likely just exhaustion." I explained.
"Oh, were you out on a date?" I'm sure my face turned a nice shade of red. "No, Brian is a singer in an internationally famous pop band called the Backstreet Boys." I shot the evil troll a death stare. She excused herself rather upbruptly and left the room.
Turning to Brian to see what kind of damage control this called for I was surprised to see the same mischievous grin with a gleam in his eye.
"So it seems you are at least a Judy Garland fan." Brian said.
"Card-carrying member!!" Carole offered.
"We'll talk later, Carole." I warned.
Brian had not let go of my hand up until now. So I thought that this was a good time to withdraw my hand and stand up.
Carole was leaving the room. Out of hearing range, she asked, "Do you think it's anything serious?" I shook my head. "He is southern maybe he just swooned in your presence."
"Is that your medical explanation?"
"No, but I don't think I'm far off." She left before I could reply.
Since we were waiting for lab results and I had nothing better to do, I picked up a clipboard off the table and decided to have a little fun with him. "Well since we'll be here a while why don't we fill out some forms."
"Alright."
First I asked him some demographic information. I was surprised that he was giving me residential answers instead of the corporate addresses that I expected. When I asked him for his telephone number, he even gave me his cell phone. "Alright. Next question. Have you now or have you ever dated one of the Spice Girls?" Using the gossip information that the girls had gathered on the internet.
"Well I did have one date with Ginger Spice, but it was really a publicity thing. What kind of hospital form is this?" I could tell that he was enjoying this though.
"Is it true that you were caught in pictures with in a fight with JC Chasez?"
"Well yes that true to some degree, it was a basketball game at a charity function and we were arguing over the foul that as he put it, knocked me on my best feature."
One last question, "Are you engaged to Leighanne Wallace?" I asked.
"Yes." he said and turned away.
I felt my stomach literally drop two feet. Where did that come from I thought? Why did I have to ask him that? When I realized that was the case exactly. I did have to know. I was relieved when Carole came back with the lab results and handed them to me.
"Well it looks like you were right Dr. Littrell. Your self-diagnosis was accurate. The lab initial lab results came back good. I'd like to keep you overnight, so that you can get some rest. I'll stop in tomorrow to go over the remaining tests that I ordered with you. So, I'll leave you in Carole's capable hands."
I was attempting a hasty retreat when Brian asked, "Are we finished with the hospital form that you were filling out?"
Carole gave me a confused look, "Yes, that's all the information we need to know....," I answered, "for now." I added remembering to try to appear professional, even though I knew I was failing miserably. "Goodnight, Brian." I left before I could hear his reply.
Carole met me at the nurse's station. "What's going on?"
"Nothing, what do you mean what's going on?" I asked not looking up. Before she could answer, I finished documenting the case and said, "Well, I'm beat. I'm heading home. Everything you need to know is in the chart."
"Apparently not." which I almost didn't hear. "Kevin Richardson would to talk to you before you go."
"Where is he?"
"He is in Brian's room. He just got here."
"Could you tell him I'll meet him in the waiting room?"
"C-e-r-t-a-i-n-l-y." She looked at me like I was from another planet or something. I knew that in the ten years that I had known her this was the most irrational that I had ever behaved in my professional or private life. " Thanks." I said.
Kevin met me in the waiting room. "Here are the keys to your car, how can you afford a Mercedes on a resident's salary?" he asked.
"My dad gave it to me when I graduated from medical school."
"We took your car and left it in your dad's driveway." Kevin explained.
"Thanks. Well if that's it, I should get some sleep before my shift starts in a few hours."
"I just wanted to thank you again for all of your help." He said.
"You don't have to keep thanking me, just doing my job."
"Well you weren't on the clock as I recall."
"That's quite alright. No biggy. I will stop in and go over the lab results with Brian tomorrow...or rather later today." I shook his hand and we said our goodbyes.
I decided to stay at the hospital and get some rest. No use in wasting time getting a cab, going to my apartment and then coming back in a few hours. I would get more sleep if I stayed in one of the bedrooms that they provide the residents when they have to stay overnight.
Chapter 3 - Diner
As I was taking off my jeans I came across the 'hospital form' that I used with Brian. Suddenly, I realized that I should apologize to Brian for how I acted. There on the sheet was his cell phone number. I knew that the cell phone wasn't on. I could leave a message. He probably wouldn't listen to it until after he was released from the hospital tomorrow. I wouldn't ever see him again after that. Easing my conscience would help me sleep.
I dialed his number. "No, I will not father your child. If this is in relation to something else, please leave your message at the beep and I will get back to you as soon as possible."
"Brian. This is Pierce Phillips. I just wanted to apologize to you for the way that I acted and I hope that you will forgive me for anything that was inappropriate in the handling of your case. You seem like a great guy and I have only best wishes for you in your future. If you ever need anything, you can call my cell phone number at 514.266.8988. Thanks. It was a pleasure meeting you." I was going over the message in my mind and feeling that it was an eloquent goodbye, I was pleased until I remembered I gave him my cell phone number. Why? Why would you give him your cell phone number? Are you insane? What if he calls you and takes you up on your offer? 'That's highly unlikely.' I decided.
I woke up with the ring of my cell phone. My heart skipped a beat when I could be Brian returning my phone call. When I looked at the caller ID, I realized that it was my father.
"Good morning, dad."
"That remains to be seen. You had an interesting night."
"That I did. I wanted to apologize to you and explain why I didn't bring Raven and her friends home last night."
"That's OK. Kevin Richardson explained everything last night."
"I'm so glad. I didn't want you to think that I would leave Raven in the hands of strangers unless there was anything that I could do about it."
"I understand." Was I still sleeping or was my father being understanding. What has happened in the universe that these unnatural phenomenoms were happening.
"Well I should probably get to work dad. Thanks for calling." One awkward situation down. One to go.
I had procrastinated as long as I could to get to Brian's room before he was to be released. I knocked on the door and was pleasantly surprised to find the rest of the group at his bedside. At least, I wouldn't have to do this alone with him. "Good morning everyone."
"Good morning, Dr. Phillips," they almost said in unison.
"Guys, could you leave for awhile, I need talk to Dr. Phillips alone." Brian said. Well there goes my comfort.
"Sure Brian, we'll be in the cafeteria getting some coffee." AJ said as they left the room.
"The rest of the lab results look good." I said as I studied the pages in my hand not meeting his gaze. "You should be free to go as soon as they bring your release papers."
"You know I don't think that there were any inappropriate that happened last night. So there really is no need to forgive you." Brian said.
"Well, I gather you heard my voice mail. I was hoping you wouldn't listen to it until after you had been released."
"Well it is a new number and I haven't given it out to many people, so there was only one message. Yours."
'Well I appreciate your understanding. I hope your tour goes better for you. I think it would be wise of you to pick someone to talk to about what has been causing you sleepless nights and loss of appetite."
"I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you think that we could have dinner tonight?"
As I was considering how best to excuse myself, Carole entered the room with his discharge papers.
"I'm sorry. I'm working a double shift tonight." I said.
"We are leaving in the morning. Do you have any time tonight that we could sit down?"
"You could meet at the diner across the street on your lunch break." Carole said. I would have to explain how little I cared for her help at that time.
"That would be perfect." Brian said.
"Alright. How about 6:00 at the diner across the street?" I should get back to my other patients. "I'll see you later then."
I was having a hard time concentrating all day, dreading my talk with Brian. Somehow, I was getting more and more sucked in. How was this happening? I am certainly not pursuing any type of a relationship with an engaged pop star. Realizing that this would be our last meeting, made me feel a little better. I would enjoy a nice talk with Brian, nice meeting you, blah, blah, blah..... out of there.
Brian was already sitting at the table wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. I chuckled to myself. With the few windows that were in this place, how could he see?
"Mind if I join you?" I said as I sat down.
He smiled and he nodded his consent. "Pretty sad disguise, I guess."
"Your not giving out autographs to a long line of fans, so I guess it is effective. I should have brought my own disguise so that none of my friends would see me with a guy who wears sunglasses in a dark diner."
"You're quite the funny man!!"
"I try. I won't guarantee that anything you order off the menu won't put you back in the hospital, so it's eat at your own risk."
"I consider myself warned." Brian acknowledged.
While we were waiting for our order, Brian spoke up. "I wanted to take you up on your generous offer for someone to talk to. I wanted to explain to you why I haven't been sleeping or eating."
"Okay, I'm listening."
"You probably already have figured this out but here goes nothing. I'm gay....." Brian said and held my gaze.
"Gay people usually don't get engaged to members of the opposite sex.... I guess I'm confused as to your definition of gay." I was suddenly angered by his confession and I really didn't want to be involved in this situation anymore than I already was. What kind of game was this guy playing? "Why are you telling me this? I'm almost a complete stranger."
"I told you because I thought that we were friends. If I was wrong, I'm sorry. I just needed to talk to someone who could understand. I thought that could be you. I guess I was wrong. I'll let you get back to work." He started to get up.
He was hurt. I was beginning to act like a jerk again.
"I'm sorry Brian. But can you blame me. Here we are flirting back and forth like crazy. My colleague outs me to you, you don't seem to be bothered and then you tell me your engaged to be married. I don't date often. In fac,t it has been years. I just don't like all of the games. Just telling me that your gay doesn't explain anything."
"Your right. I haven't told you what's going on. I met Leighanne a few years ago. I thought I might be gay but I had always wanted the wife, the kids .... I wanted the whole package. I read the bible and it says that homosexuality is wrong. I was so confused. I liked Leighanne and I think that I even love her to some degree. I thought if I could make a life with her these feelings would just die if they didn't see the light of day. But that hasn't happened yet. I realize that I can't use Leighanne like this. She deserves someone who can give her total commitment and someone who is 'in love' with her. But I just can't bring myself to end it. I mean everyone is going to want to know why. This has gone on for months now and I am so miserable." Brian put his face in his hands.
"Can't you just cancel the engagement? It happens all the time. It wouldn't be that hard to believe."
He looked up as tears flowed down his face. "What about my family and friends? I don't want to lie to them."
"Why don't you tell them the truth?" I realized that was not as simple as it sounded.
"That would be the most logical thing to do wouldn't it. I just think that I would lose them if I didn't turn out to be who they thought I was. I know that my parents believe that homosexuality is wrong. I don't know about my friends but what if they don't want anything else to do with me. I could loose everything. Friends.
Family. Career.'
"Your right. You should just turn into a heterosexual and everything will be hunky dory."
"Ya. That's what I'll do. Is that all you got? I'm rethinking the whole using you as a confident thing."
"I can't guarantee that the things that you fear won't come true. All I have is my own experience. When I told people those bad things didn't happen. Yes, there were people I never heard from again. Parties that I knew why I wasn't invited. But that didn't happen with anyone that I really considered my friend anyway. People who I was sure would reject me were staunch supporters...like my dad. I really thought I would never be allowed in his home again. But he just said that what I decided to do was my decision and it really didn't matter to him either way. He just wanted me to be happy. I can't tell you what to do but it's obvious that you have to change something or you'll go on being miserable."
"Thanks Pierce. I can't tell you how good it is to have someone to talk to about this. Even if we don't come up with any answers, it just doesn't seem so bad when you say it out loud to someone who has been there. Do you think that we could get together again when you move to Orlando?"
"How did you know about my move?" I was floored. My residency was up and I had been offered a job at a hospital in Orlando. It had been settled for months.
"Carole told me you were moving there. I'm sorry. Wasn't I suppose to know?" He asked sheepishly.
"No, it's not that. I was just surprised that you knew." I lied. I really didn't know how I felt about hooking up with Brian.
"Why don't we leave it like this? When you get settled in Orlando, give me a call if you want to and if it works out we can get together for dinner or something. But really you have done so much and I am so grateful to you for everything. If you don't feel comfortable calling, I'll understand. I won't be happy about it but I'll understand."
"I don't think so Brian. I don't think that I want to get involved with someone who is engaged. I don't want to be the reason someone breaks off their engagement either. I don't think that you are in any position to start a relationship with a man. To tell you the truth, I don't think I could just be your friend. I didn't mean to get involved with anyone but it seems that I have feelings for you and I think it would be best if we don't see each other any more."
"So you do have feelings for me. Why do we have to just end it? Why don't we just leave it open? Let's say in three months, I'll call you and let you know where I'm at. I'm not asking for a commitment or anything. If you meet someone, I would understand if you started dating. I just want you to let me give you a call and we'll see where we are at."
"I really need to get back to the hospital. You have my cell phone number. Goodbye, Brian." I was almost hit by a car crossing the street to the hospital. My mind was reviewing the last few days. I decided that I wouldn't think about it until I was in Orlando and then.....proceeded to think of nothing else."
A week later in the break room I saw the days headlines of the National Enquirer, "Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell sets the date for his wedding." I read the article.
Of course, Carole chose that time to enter the breakroom. She saw me reading the Inquirer and looked closer at the headline. "Does that surprise you, if it is the truth I mean?" She taunted.
"No, it's common for engaged people to end up married."
"Are you going to see him when you get to Orlando?"
"No. I wish he didn't know I was moving to Orlando. I have you to thank for all of this anyway. I wouldn't have told him we were going to live in the same city and all of this would be over. He wouldn't have asked...." Oops, too much information.
"So he already asked to see you again?"
"Yes, but he said he'd understand if I don't go."
"He might be able to understand such a stupid move but you could never make me understand." She said. "It was obvious that you café for him. Although, I don't know him very well, I'd say he cares for you too. I don't see a problem."
"The fact that he is engaged to a pretty sweet girl, that's a problem. The fact that he spends most of his time on the road, that's a problem. The fact that he isn't out to anyone but a few people, that's a problem. The fact that my name and face would be plastered on every gossip rag in the world, if it ever came out that I had a relationship with him, that's a problem. The fact that we have very little in common, that is a problem. Your not looking very hard for problems....."
"I don't have to with you around. Yes, those are logical problems that would cause a person not to be involved with Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys. But a little more obvious problem is that you are already involved with Brian Littrell the human being. It is just a matter if you want to continue to be."
Even if he was to break off his engagement, I still don't think that "Yes, maam." I laughed. She was pretty much calling me a fool.
Chapter 4 - The Move
I was in the middle of opened boxes. It was chaos. My Orlando apartment was smaller than the old one. All of this stuff is not going to fit. I was not looking forward to sorting through all my stuff. Maybe I could just put all this stuff in storage and slowly bring out what I wanted. If you could get paid for procrastination, I'd be a very rich man. I decided to take a break, not that I had accomplished anything.
I was getting a drink from the refrigerator when I heard my phone ring. I had given my new phone number to my dad. But I hadn't gotten around to giving it to my friends. Since I had spoken to me dad earlier, I doubted it was him. "Hello."
"Hello Pierce, this Kevin Richardson. I wanted to call and welcome you to Orlando." My mind was reeling. First of all, how did Kevin know I was in Orlando and how did he get this number.
"Hello Kevin. I have to be honest and say your last person I thought would be part of Orlando's hospitality committee. How did you know I was in Orlando?" I was wondering if Brian had told him.
"Your dad told me and then he gave me your phone number."
"That is so weird. My dad is usually not that forthcoming with strangers. I can't believe after one meeting, he trusts you that much. It can't be because you are famous, that's just not like him." I said.
"Actually, it wasn't our first meeting. I can't believe he never mentioned it to you. When I took Raven and her friends home, I realized that I had met your dad at my dad's funeral. They had been friends in high school and had stayed in touch."
"No. He didn't mention that.....It makes sense now. I just couldn't believe my dad wouldn't freak out when I didn't bring Raven home myself. The son of a former friend can be trusted in my father's eyes. Any other mysteries of the universe you want to enlighten me on."
"Not at this time but I would like to take you out on the town as a way to welcome you to Orlando." He said.
"Kevin, you don't have to feel like you owe me anything. I was just being a doctor."
"I'm not asking out of gratitude. I'm asking an interesting, generous guy to eat dinner with me so that we can become friends." He explained.
"In that case, I would love to," remembering that Brian might be included, I continued. "Will it just be the two of us?"
"I was going to ask the guys to come along. I haven't called them yet but I think they'll be available."
"If it's just you and I, I'll go but I don't want to go with there's anyone else going." I was trying to think of a believable explanation.
"You mean you feel uncomfortable with the group or is it just Brian."
"Can we not go into this?"
"Every time your name is mentioned, Brian gets strangely quiet. Is it a coincidence that you are as comfortable talking about him as he is about you."
"So that's it. This is the reason for the sudden invitation. I'm sorry but you'll have to get your information from Kevin. I really don't feel like it is my place to answer your questions about Brian. I guess you'll just have to find another informant."
"That's not why I called you. Yes, I would like to know what went on between you and Brian. When I saw you together last, you seemed to be getting along fine. But...if you don't want to discuss it with me, that's fine. We don't have to talk about Brian at all. So do you still want to go, just me and you."
"Alright. I'm sorry if I got worked up. Where do you want to go?"
"I'll pick you up at 6:00 and we'll decide on the way. Let's make it casual. OK?"
"Ya. That sounds good. I'll see you at 600."
During our meal, Kevin mentioned that he had a new computer system and was having trouble setting it up. I had had a similar problem when I set up my new system, so I offered my assistance. To my surprise, he convinced me to stop by his apartment on the way to dropping me off.
It was an impressive apartment. Surprise. Surprise. He let me wander through the livingroom as he went to get us something to drink. I saw many photographs of Brian, his family and his fiance. I thought it was weird that Kevin would have so many photographs. When he brought me a drink we proceeded to a study where his computer was set up.
We were almost finished fixing his problems when I heard voices in the hallway. "Do you have guests?" I asked.
"Why would you have roommates?......I don't know them do I?" The pictures came back to my mind. "Brian wouldn't happen to be one of your roommates would he?"
He didn't have to answer that question. Brian entered the room at that moment. We stood for several minutes looking at each other with shocked expressions on our faces.
"Hello Brian." I finally got out.
"Hello Pierce." He was able to break the stare and it appeared he found an interesting place on the carpet to search.
"I didn't know you lived here or I would never have come." I whispered to Brian, hoping that Kevin didn't hear me.
"What the hell is going on here? Why can't you even look at each other?" Kevin demanded. I certainly wasn't going to be the one to answer that question. I turned around to search for my jacket. I was thinking I would probably be able to find someone outside to give me the number of a cab. I was heading toward the door when Kevin stepped in front of it.
I was ready to lash out him when Brian spoke up. "Kevin, let him go and I'll explain."
"No. Why don't you explain and then I'll let him go." Kevin stood his ground.
"Pierce, I'm very sorry for all of this. Kevin seems to think this is his business. Even though he has been informed that it is not. Kevin, there are things that you don't know. Things that I am not ready to talk to you about. Can you just give me some space?"
"You mean things like your sexuality?" Kevin asked.
Brian face went white. I stood there dumbfounded.
"What!!" Brian said.
"Come on Brian...don't you think it is about time that you talked about it?
"You mean that you know....about me...."
"Yes, I have known for a long time. I have been very patiently waiting for you to tell me but I've realized that is not going to happen. So is someone going to tell me what is going on around here?"
"What makes you think you have a right to know, Kevin? So you figured out the big secret. Great. That doesn't entitle you to meddle in my life....or Pierce's. You've obviously tricked him into coming here."
"I had no right. I totally agree. But I had to do something. You're loosing weight. You've have dark circles under your eyes. I'm not saying the good doctor is to blame but it has definitely gotten worse since Richmond and you both are acting so weird when the other is mentioned. I was just worried Brian. You can't go on like this."
Brian turned, his head down, his sobs were coming from the depths of his soul. I didn't even hesitate or think. I turned him to me and embraced him. He burried his head in my chest. I couldn't bear to see him in pain. I tried to soothe him with my words and my caresses. I didn't realize I was crying until the tear rolled down my cheek.
After awhile I felt him stop sobbing, his head came off my shoulder and I met his eyes. It was too late when I saw the longing in those eyes. He gently kissed my lips. I put my arms out and seperated us. I turned my back to him and said, "No, Brian I can't."
"I know. I know. I'm sorry."
"Woe. Brian your engaged. What are you doing?" Kevin said.
"That's the problem. I don't know what I'm doing." He said in low voice.
"Are you gay Pierce?" Kevin asked.
"Yes." I answered.
"Do you love him?" He continued.
"I.....I can't get involved with someone who is engaged." I said.
"OK....That's not what I asked."
"Look, you got your explanation. Now let me go. If you could tell me where your phone book is, I'll call a cab."
"I'll take you home." Brian mumbled.
"Fine. Let's go!"
We rode in his jeep in silence. When we reached my apartment complex, Brian said, "You got to admit, it was a pretty good kiss."
I just smiled. "No, I don't have to admit that. Goodbye, Brian."
"Wait. Can we go upstairs and talk a minute?"
"Yes, you can come up but my apartment is a mess." I said.
"Forget it then if you have a messy apartment."
"Alright, funny man you coming or not?"
Brian locked up his jeep and climbed out. I led him to my apartment. Once we were inside, I tried to clear away some boxes so that he could sit down. "Can I get you something to drink?" I said.
"Oh, you've unpacked the glasses." Brian said.
"No, but I have bottles of in the refrigerator."
"I'll just have bottled water if you have it."
"I sure do. Be right back."
When I brought in two bottled waters for us, Brian was holding up a picture me and a former boyfriend. In the picture, we were in an embrace and we were kissing.
"Who's this?"
"That's Paul. We went to med school together." I explained.
"Why did you break up?"
"He married his fiance. I didn't know that he had a fiance when we started dating. I guess he thought that was a need to know basis. I didn't need to know, obviously."
"Why do you still have his picture if he hurt you?"
"Part of me will always love him. He was a major influence on me."
"That's where you get your no dating engaged guys rule from."
"Yes, also my make sure your boyfriend likes the team he's playing for rule."
"You won't lay your rules aside to have a tawdry affair with a confused pop star would you? He's really hot." He was smiling, so I think he was kidding.
"No, especially not the hot ones. It took me years to get over Paul. In fact, I haven't dated anyone seriously since him. For me it's all or nothing. So when are you getting married, I read somewhere you set the date."
"No, we haven't set the date. I haven't seen her since I saw you last. She's been on location. I really do love her. I know you probably think that I am just stringing her along as a cover of something. She's known from the beginning about me and my desires."
"What?" I asked. I was so confused at that. "Do you have some sort of understanding...or an open relationship?"
"Yes, we have an understanding. If I cheat on her, she gets to remove the body part of her choice. We both understand that all to well." He chuckled at that.
"I don't understand how she could become involved with you if she knew you desired men."
"Even though I desired men, I thought it was wrong to do that. She is willing to take the chance that I can turn away from those desires and be a good husband."
"Wow. How do you feel now? Do you think it is still wrong? Do you think that you can be a good husband?"
"I don't know. When I thought about homosexuality, I thought about two guys having passionate sex and then going their separate ways. Then I met you. I thought that I could really love you. I respect you. I wanted to get to know you better. I could live without the thirty minutes a day of sex with a man. It isn't enough of a draw for me to sacrifice my beliefs, my hopes for a family of my own and my reputation. But when I met you I saw that there could be a loving committed relationship between two men that would lead to the passionate sex. It would be the icing on the cake."
"That's what I'm willing to wait for. I want that with someone."
"Are you willing to wait for me?"
"Brian, I'm not making you any promises. You love your fiance and it sounds like she loves you. I don't want to be the reason for that ending. If you get married, I wish you the best. If you don't and things end because they were meant to then by all means look me up. I like you, Brian. Hell, I might even love you but I won't get involved with you until you are certain you know what you want."
"I don't know if I'll ever be that certain. I have lived in state of confusion for so long that I am not sure if I'll ever come to terms with this. I just wanted to let you know were things are at with me." Brian got up to leave.
"Tell Kevin, I understand why he did what he did. He was just concerned about you. But I won't be accepting any more dinner invitations from him." I said.
"Goodbye, Brian. I wish you the best."
"I appreciate that, Pierce. Goodbye."
When he closed the door to my apartment, I leaned against it. The tears ran down my face. I didn't want to love him. He was going to marry her. I knew it. He would never be able to break it off with her. I had tried so hard not to love him. Here I was all alone in a new city and the man I loved most in the world I was never going to see him again. When the three months roled around, I already knew that Brian was still engaged or at least I hadn't read about any breakup. I didn't contact him and he didn't call me.
Six months went by. I was starting to get use to the new routine at the hospital. I was very busy and I liked the people I was working with. I was starting to socialize with them outside of the hospital. There was a male nurse who kept asking to go to some gay clubs with him. I resisted.
I was working late one Thursday night, when I got called to the ER for a surgical consult. After finding out what examining room the patient was in, I headed that way.
I entered the room to find a nurse, Nick Carter on the examining table, Brian Littrell and Kevin Richardson. The nurse was flirting with Brian, when I walked in.
"Hello guys, long time no see." I began. "What seems to be the problem?"
The nurse gave me his vitals and told me that 'Mr. Carter was suffering with abdominal pain.'
I examined Nick. "It seems that you have appendicitis. We are going to have to remove that before it bursts. Isn't this a coincidence, me getting your case."
"Not entirely Doc, I asked for you." Nick said. The nurse stepped out at this point to schedule an operating room. "Brian, did you see that nurse checking you out. She's a honey. You should ask her out. You haven't been out since Leighanne dumped you."
"Nick that wasn't very sensitive." Kevin spoke up.
"That's alright Nick. I can find my own dates. You just concentrate on not crying like a baby." Nick said.
I glanced at Brian. He gave me a smile. He looked good. He looked rested and happy. "You should both give Nick a big kiss and wish him luck. Not that he'll need because I am a damn good doctor. I come out and update you when Nick goes to recovery."
Nick's surgery went well. Brian was in the waiting room reading magazines when I came out. "Surgery went well. Nick is still under anestetic. As soon as he wakes up, he'll be moved to a regular room. He should be in the hospital for a few days."
"That's great. Are you free right now? Can we go to the cafeteria for some coffee?" Brian said.
"Where's Kevin?" I asked.
"He is calling Nick's parents to let them know what's going on." He smiled at me. A big mischievous grin.
"I'd like that." I said simply.
When sat down with our coffees, we found a quiet corner where we could talk.
"What happened with Leighanne?" I began.
"She saw that I was miserable, she felt that I could make her happy but she would never be able to make me happy. She told me she wouldn't marry me. She said she knew I would never go back on my word when I asked her to marry me and she didn't want us to end up hating each other."
"Wow!! She sounds like quite a woman." I said.
"She is. That was about 3 months ago. I would like it very much if I could see you again but I don't have any more friends to go under your knife so I guess we'll have to ask you out. Will you consider going out with me?"
"Yes." I simply said. "I would love to go out with you."
The End.