Chapter 29 -- Part III From Jess' viewpoint
Justin was being so helpful in trying to navigate around Billy and his interruptions.
"Thanks, Justin. But maybe now isn't the best time to talk about this," I said and started to get up to go. It didn't feel like this was really the right time to share my news. The mood wasn't right. At least Billy's mood wasn't right. He was just into the sex. It had been cool to watch him jerk off as I told him about me and Sam. When he groaned and let loose his big creamy load, I've got to admit it sent a big old charge through my cock. But what I had to say was about more than just sex. At least it was about more than just sex to me.
"If it's important to you, it's important to me," Justin said and then corrected himself. "Important to us," he said, looking to Billy for agreement.
"Un huh," Billy mumbled.
"Go ahead, please, Jess. What's your news? I really want to hear," Justin said.
"Well, it's kind of weird. Particularly with that introduction," I said, nodding toward Billy, who was still sitting on the floor in a puddle of his own cum. Licking his fingers.
"Go ahead, whenever you're ready," Justin said.
I took a deep breath, steeled myself for what was to come, and started telling them what I thought was the most amazing news of all.
After having sex with Sam, we both lay down on his bed side by side. My cock was still rock hard. Streaked with cum and red from all the action it had just gotten. My cockhead was still dripping a little bit of cum. A strand of it hung from the tip and was pooling down just above my navel.
I'd never fucked a guy before and my mind was racing with images of what had just happened. What I'd just done. I'd actually fucked my cousin. Sam. Little Sam. I'd shoved my big old cock up his tight ass. Rammed it in an out. And cum deep inside him. So hot! Thinking about it made my dick twitch from time to time and a little more cum flow. I felt a little chilled, but Sam reached over and put a hand on my thigh. It seemed to warm my whole body.
As nervous and excited as I was, I never thought I'd fall asleep. But I did. I think we both fell asleep. As I drifted off, I remember thinking maybe Sam was right. Maybe none of his family would ever walk into his bedroom. Maybe everything was going to be cool. Maybe this could happen again. And again.
Anyway, I went to sleep. With Sam lying beside me. Both of us still naked. The smell of cum in the air. Cooling cum running down my side. As crazy as everything was, I felt really good about what we'd just done. I'd just done. Like I'd accomplished something important. Like passing a test. Or proving something to Justin . . . and Billy . . . and myself. I was sure my dreams would be just as good as fucking Sam had been.
I don't know how long I'd been asleep, but the next thing I knew my dad was in the room yelling and screaming. All I could think was that I'd been caught and I was dead meat. I was so scared.
I looked around to see where Sam was. He was kneeling close beside me. His knees against my side. His hard cock held in one hand. Shit! I quickly realized that what my dad was seeing was beyond belief.
There I was, his one and only son, lying naked on the bed. And there was Sam, kneeling beside me, facing me. His hard cock still in his hand. He had just jerked off all over me. A big load. So thick. A long, thick string of cum dripping from the tip of Sam's cock. Dripping down to the rest of Sam hot load that was clearly visible all over my cock and balls and abs. He'd just creamed another big load all over me while I was sleeping and I hadn't even known it.
At that moment, I was almost as panicked as my dad. I could see what was going on and that was bad enough. But what I didn't know was how much my dad could figure out about what had gone on earlier. Could he tell I'd been fucking my cousin? That I had rammed my cock up Sam's butt until I came. Wow! My mind couldn't process what was happening fast enough. I guess it was like I was in shock or something.
All I really knew was that Sam's cum was all over my crotch and my dad was flapping around and screaming like a wild eagle.
"What the hell," my dad was yelling at Sam. I was scared and confused. What had my dad seen? What had he guessed?
"What have you done to my son?" my dad bellowed at Sam. And then to me, in a more concerned tone, he said, "Get up, son. Get some clothes on. Go wash yourself clean. Wash very carefully. We'll talk when you're done." He almost pushed me out of Sam's room.
I thought sure he must realize we had had sex. I was shaking all over. I thought I was gonna be sick.
It turns out that Sam had woken up before me. He saw me lying there and he was still really horny. So he decided to unleash one more load of his cum. All over me. And he got caught. By my dad.
It also turns out that my dad had no idea Sam and I had had sex. He had no way to know. No reason to suspect. Other than my own cum drying on my tired cock. But I wasn't going to point that out to him.
As I told all of this to Billy and Justin, they were all ears. They didn't say a word. So, I continued.
There was a big blowup between the two families. In the end, it was agreed that I wouldn't stay in the house the rest of the trip. The whole blame was being put on Sam. But then nobody knew there was any more to it than that Sam jerked off all over me while I was asleep. I came off looking completely innocent. And, in a way, I was.
I didn't know where Sam had gone, but he wasn't at the house when I came out of the shower.
Once I was cleaned up and my dad had checked to make sure I was OK, he explained that Aretha, Sam's black step-sister, worked at a hotel/motel near downtown. She could arrange for me to stay there for free. I was more than ready to get the hell out of that crazy house. I gotta say, the sex was great, but it wasn't worth it. I'm lucky I didn't have a heart attack when my dad started in with his screaming at Sam.
After a pretty awkward dinner, I drove with Aretha to the hotel where she worked and she set me up with a room. I unpacked a little bit and then just collapsed in a chair watching whatever was on TV. I really didn't want to think about anything at that point.
Sometime later, I heard a knock at the door. It was Aretha. She was on one of her breaks and had just come in to check on me. She asked me if I minded telling her what happened. I don't know why, but I had felt completely at ease with her from the moment we first met.
Before I knew what was happening, I'd told her everything, I mean every detail of what had happened between me and Sam. She wasn't the least bit surprised. She said his parents had suspected for sometime that he was gay and she'd known it for more than six months. She'd asked him and he'd confirmed it.
Then, out of the clear blue, she asked me if I was gay. And I just said, "Yeah." Like it was no big deal. I couldn't believe I'd just outted myself to her, but it just seemed safe. And natural. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.
She had to go back to work, but told me she'd be back when her shift was over to check on me again. I told her that would be great.
Anyway, a couple hours later she came back and we got to talking. Before long I'd told her my whole story, from when I first started to worry about being gay cuz I liked to eat my own cum and stuff, right up to you guys cumming on me and then coming out to our friends. Everything. I just told her everything. It seemed so natural and easy. She just asked questions and I kept talking. "
"And how did she react when you told her you were gay and had already had sex with other guys?" Justin asked me.
"She just listened and sometimes asked a question. Usually like, `How did you feel about that?' Always questions like that. She was always asking about me. About how I felt. Was I OK?" I said.
"What you're saying is her questions weren't like Billy's questions," Justin said, getting in a dig at my best friend. Then Justin started imitating Billy and the way he asks questions. "So how much did he fucking cum? Did he fucking groan a lot? Were you still fucking hard? What did his fucking cum smell like?" I couldn't help but laugh. It was just like Billy. And nothing like Aretha. Justin had it just right, as usual.
Billy looked a little hurt at this humor at his expense, but he didn't say anything. I think he knew it was right on the mark.
I told Justin and Billy how interested Aretha was in everything that I said. And how concerned. I talked to her for hours about my life. About her life. About being black in Iowa. About being gay in the burbs. Stuff like that.
It had gotten late and we were lying side by side on the bed. Just being quiet. Thinking about all we had told each other. And she said like completely out of the blue, "I don't think you're gay."
"She said what?" Billy blurted out, interrupting my story. As usual.
I said to her, "What are you talking about? I just made it with Sam like five minutes after I walked into his room."
I fell silent. Billy and Justin just stared at me. I didn't know what to say next. I didn't know what they'd think. Nobody said anything for the longest time. The three of us just looked back and forth at each other.
"So that's your big news?" Billy finally asked. "Your news is that your cousin's step-sister who'd just met you didn't think you were gay?"
"No. That's just how things got started," I said. "There's more to the story. It's just kinda hard for me to tell you guys."
As I started telling my story again, I guess I got more vague about stuff. I didn't provide a lot of details. I didn't think I needed to. And mercifully, Justin and Billy didn't ask a lot of questions.
Basically Aretha told me that she thought I was living my life as though I were just some sort of stereotype. I was trying to be what other people had told me I was, or should be. I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do. Not what I wanted to do. Or what I thought I should do.
When I said that, I saw Justin give me a funny look. He knew that I was talking about him. He knew he had been the person I had turned to most often for advice recently. He knew he was at least one of those "other people" Aretha was talking about. I didn't mean to hurt him, but she was talking about him. And I thought she might very well be right.
Anyway, Aretha said she wanted to show me something. And what she showed me was powerful. Life changing. Before the night was over, I had made love to her every way a guy can. I didn't mean to brag, but I know I was smiling big time as I told all this to Billy and Justin.
I knew from the moment she and I first kissed that I wasn't gay. At least not the way I thought I was. It was totally different with her. It wasn't just my cock. It was my whole body that got turned on. I didn't think we were in love. But it was lust at a whole new level for me.
The room fell silent. I expected Billy and Justin to say something. To ask me questions. Or at least give me some shit. But they just sat quietly. Thinking, I guess, about what I had just told them. What it all meant.
"I think I understand why it's so hard for me to find a space with you two guys when you're together," I finally said. "When a guy figures out what he really wants, what he really likes, there isn't room for much else. You guys have figured it out and sometimes that doesn't leave much room for me."
"So are you going to see her again?" Justin asked.
"I doubt it. We talked about it. She's older than me and we're too far apart and we're sort of cousins," I said. "But I think I might have discovered what truly turns me on: Black women. Smart black women. Maybe a little older than me. Someone who cares about how I feel and what I want."
"Some fucking shit that is," Billy finally said, breaking his long silence. I didn't think that he meant it as a put-down. It was more a statement of his amazement at it all. He was just stunned by what I had told them. "So when are you going to tell the rest of the guys that you've turned straight again?" Billy asked.
"I don't think I will. I don't think I've figured everything out yet. We graduate soon and I think I'll just leave things the way they are for now as far as the rest of the guys are concerned."
"But you think you're straight?" Justin asked in the most sincere voice. Almost sounding concerned, but also sounding like he was ready to support me whatever I said. It was Justin at his best.
"Sometimes I think, Yeah, man, I'm straight. It's black pussy for me. Other times, I think back about that night with you two guys at the hot tub. Or about fucking Sam's tight ass. And I gotta say those were good, too. Don't ever get me wrong. That was great sex. Maybe I'm bi. I don't know. I don't even know what my choices are. But I don't think I know enough to decide what I am just yet. And that's why I wanted to talk to you so bad tonight."
It wasn't easy to say this next part. It seemed too much to ask. But I didn't know what else to do. And so I just asked.
"Guys, I gotta know if I'm straight or gay. I don't want to be some old confused dude in my 20s still trying to figure this shit out. I don't want to waste my life. Wake up one morning and realize I'd done it all wrong. It seems to me that until this past week, every time I had sex of any kind with a guy or a girl, I felt like it was wrong. I think it was the church my folks went to. It was really down on sex. Period. And it left me with a lot of guilt.
"But this last week, I finally just cut loose and did shit. And it was great. It started with having the two of you slobbering all over my cock like two hungry dogs the other night. I let loose while we were doing it and that was great. But when it was over, I just wasn't sure about stuff and I kind of felt bad about myself again.
"When I fucked Sam, I thought I'd figured something out from that night with you two. Just do it. Forget about the guilt. Well, that was a big step forward. Even when my dad walked in and started screaming. Even with all that going on I still knew that something fundamental had changed in me. I was a different person. I thought I knew that I was really gay and really could learn to like it. Hell, I did like it.
"Then I fucked Aretha and like wow! It was even more. Much more.
"And now . . ." I wanted to look Justin right in the eyes at this point. That's how I'd pictured it. But I couldn't. I let my head drop as though in shame. Without raising my head, I finally continued. "I've never been fucked. And I need to know what that's like. I've heard Billy talk about how great it is when your big old hard cock," and I paused and forced myself to look straight into Justin's eyes, "your big old cock is thrusting deep into him. Connecting the two of you. Powering him is some special way."
I turned and looked into Billy's eyes and said, "I know you really love that. You love Justin and you really love getting fucked by him." I flashed Billy the private smile I only share with him. "It'll never be like that between you and me."
My eyes darted between the two of them as I continued. "I thought I saw some of that on Sam's face when I was fucking him. To see his eyes roll back in his head. To feel his ass tighten around my cock. To realize the power I had over him, With him. In him. It was awesome.
"But I need to know what it's like to be on the receiving end. I've got to know. It will answer all my questions and at last I'll know. I'll know who I am. What I am.
"So that's why I needed to talk to you guys so bad. Will you do it?" I asked, not able once again to look either of them in the eye. "Can you help out a friend?"
To be continued . . .
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