This work contains elements of sexuality between teens over 18, adults and includes homosexuality in prevalence. Please exercise proper discretion. Do not read this if it is illegal for you to do so or if the subject matter will potentially offend you. The author assumes no responsibility for misuse or misconduct associated with the dissemination or viewing of this work. Any characters, representations or events should be assumed to be purely fictional with any possible resemblance to the real world being entirely coincidental or otherwise such that it may be treated as innocuous. This work is copyrighted by the author, who retains all rights and priviledges. This work should not be reproduced without the written consent of the author. Please direct all feedback and comments to kanseiji@gmail.com. Thanks for reading.
This story is based heavily on the events and characters of From Where I Stand. Though the author endeavors to make this an independent, standalone work, it may still be beneficial for readers to have read FWIS or to refer to it at their own discretion.
IN RE: Harvard University Any descriptions or depictions regarding Harvard University are meant to be fictional and should not be taken as accurate representations.
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[ in a moment ] by kanseiji
Chapter Six - Timing is Everything
Near misses and close calls should never be underestimated. Sometimes, the smallest bit of timing can mean everything...in a split second, the probable outcome can shift entirely and you can end up with the most unlikely event imaginable. On one Saturday morning, it was as if fate had nudged events and a few improbable moments slipped by. Chris had been waiting around Harvard Square for almost 15 minutes, silently hoping that Adam would either call or come dashing up to the station entrance. As Chris looked around nervously, Ian observed with curiosity. Chris had mentioned that Adam may be going along, but the likelihood seemed pretty low at that point. Ian hadn't spoken up about it...he was actually more concerned about how nervous Chris seemed about the situation.
"Um Chris?" Ian spoke quietly. "Are you ok?"
"Wha? Oh...yeah...I'm fine. Sorry, I guess we should just get going..." Chris looked visibly disappointed.
"Why don't you try giving him a call?" Ian's suggestion made sense. Chris thought about it for a moment, but his mind wasn't in the right mode for reason.
Turning to go into the station, Chris beckoned, "Nah, it's ok...let's get going."
"You sure?"
"Yeah...I'll catch up with him later," Chris said, his mind silently adding on "I hope."
Adam had returned from his shower to an empty room. Thinking that Chris had just stepped out for something, Adam went to get dressed in his bedroom. He thought that his exchange with Chris earlier was decent and Adam fully expected to continue on. The minutes dragged on as he leisurely went about his business, not realizing that Chris was waiting for him. Eventually, Adam began following a similar pattern to Chris and began nervously awaiting his return. It wouldn't be until after Chris had already left that Adam would really suspect.
For whatever reason, Adam did not immediately notice that there was only one bike in the room. That fact only became apparent after he had walked over to the window of the room to look outside. Not seeing any signs of Chris outside, Adam looked back into the room and saw that his bike was leaning against the wall...alone.
"Shit...he left." Adam sighed as he tried to think why Chris would suddenly run off. It occurred to him that Chris sometimes went to grab coffee or food in the morning and that he usually biked, so perhaps he was just running a bit slow that morning. Feeling certain that he had arrived at the right conclusion, Adam returned to his desk to try and call Chris. As he reached for his phone, his eyes locked on the one thing that stood out from the norm...Sean's note. Paranoia firmly setting in, Adam immediately assumed the worse.
"Fuck...he saw it...fuck, fuck..." Adam started doing the f-chant. He immediately tried to call Chris, but there was no answer. Adam couldn't help but think that Chris just didn't want to talk to him...he didn't realize that Chris was underground and unable to pickup.
Chris and Ian rode silently as the train rumbled beneath Boston. Chris was very much immersed in his own thoughts and Ian kept a close watch. Though they hadn't known each other long, Ian already considered Chris one of his better friends at school. He just always seemed happy to see Ian...just very open and friendly. However, Chris's demeanor was strikingly different that morning...very sullen and almost dazed. Since he didn't know him that well, Ian thought he should just be ready in case Chris needed to talk as they rode along toward Quincy. Still, part of him wanted to step in and at least try to get Chris to talk.
An announcement creaked out, "JFK-UMass, change for Ashmont service." Ian was slightly confused being unfamiliar with Boston subway system. He looked over and saw Chris was unphased, but decided to take the opportunity.
"Chris? What's that mean?"
"Hmm? Oh don't worry...the line just branches here. We're on the right train." It was unintentional, but Chris was relatively brief and sunk back into his thoughts pretty quickly. However, Ian wasn't going to let up just then.
"Hey, are you ok man? You look a bit down."
Chris was caught off-guard by the observation, but smiled quickly. "Yeah I'm fine...just got some things on my mind, that's all...hope I'm not being too much of a downer."
"Nah, but y'know, if you need to talk or something..."
Chris looked around a bit and saw too many unfamiliar faces for comfort. "Yeah...maybe a little later."
"Can do." The response was enough to satisfy Ian...for a while anyway.
Later, as Ian was caught up with Terry and the new bike, Adam dared a last attempt to call Chris. Just as Adam was about to give in and hang up, a sliver of hope decided to dash in to save the day...sorta.
"Hello?" Adam's ear was almost out of reach of the voice as it streamed through his phone.
Barely hearing it, he pulled the phone close again. "Hello?? Chris?"
"Um...hey Adam...sorry I missed your calls."
Adam thought, "At least he's talking to me," before responding, "Oh, it's ok...you just kinda disappeared this morning and I just wanted to see if everything was ok."
"Yeah...everything's fine." Chris was consciously restraining himself from sighing as he clenched his eyes shut.
"Ok...good...uh..." Adam was still thoroughly convinced that Chris had seen the note and reacted badly. "Chris...um, where are you?"
Cue confusion for Chris. "Uh...I'm in Quincy." It dawned on Chris that perhaps something was amiss. "You saw the note right?"
Then it was Adam's turn to be confused. He decided to play it safe and just let Chris lead on. "Um, what note?"
"Ah shit...I left you a note on your desk. I'm at the bike shop right now...I brought Ian 'cause he wanted a new bike. We were waiting for you at the station in case you wanted to come..."
Adam hushed his own sigh of relief. "Oh...um, I didn't see the note...oops. I guess that's why you disappeared, huh?"
"Yeah...guess that was just bad communication. Well, I think we're gonna stick around town for a bit...y'know...if you want to come down."
Adam was all smiles at that point. "Uh yeah...I'll head out right now...so like an hour?"
"Sounds good...I'll just show Ian around a bit. Meet you at Quincy Center?"
"Will do. See ya soon."
"Ok...bye."
Adam exhaled loudly after he hung up the phone. Suddenly things made sense and he was very much relieved. Chris seemed completely unaware of the note from Sean and the mass of worry was just a case of bad communication between two friends with some issues.
"I wonder if it was this hard for him and Jase..." Adam wondered to himself. "Hmmph...probably not since Jase is perfect..." Brushing that thought aside, Adam quickly put his things together and moved to rush out the door. Before that happened, he paused and stared at the little slip of paper that had caused a lot of his anxiety. Hesitation prevailed for a few seconds, but slipped away as Adam put the note in his desk and away from view before running out the door.
"Are you really sure?" Chris asked, his concern well divided between Ian and his own issues.
Ian looked a bit unsure, but managed a tentative, "Yeah I'll be fine...it's a straight shot back to Harvard, right?" He and Chris were standing on the train platform. The two had ridden around Quincy for a while so Ian could get used to his new bike, but Ian had felt the urge to get back to school. He remembered that there was something he was supposed to do, but what it was escaped him at that moment...and he also sensed that Chris and Adam had some things to work out, so he wanted to give them a little privacy.
"Yeah, 12 stops and you'll be there. Well, just give me a call if you manage to get lost," Chris advised.
"Will do...sorry to bail on you, but..."
"Ian, don't worry about it. I'm glad we got a chance to hang out a bit," Chris said warmly.
Ian smiled. "Yeah me too."
Within a few minutes, the train had pulled up and Ian was on his way, leaving Chris on the platform waiting for Adam to show up. Ian's departure left Chris feeling a little on edge. He was hoping that Ian's presence would act as a buffer against too much tension with Adam. On the other hand, Chris was also glad to get a little alone time with his friend, issues or not.
"You should just tell him." The voice in Chris's head was persistent. The idea definitely had appeal, but there were plenty of other things in his head that were against it. However, as he started sifting through them, Chris found that most of the counterpoints were either irrelevant or just stupid.
"Maybe it's time..." Chris said quietly to himself.
A gust of air alerted Chris to a train pulling up. As the doors parted, he looked up and down the platform and soon homed in on a figure walking up with a bike in tow. Chris could have sworn he saw Adam take a deep breath on his approach, but quickly dismissed it as anxiety.
"Hey Chris," Adam greeted with a grin. In his mind, no more words were said as Chris came up and kissed him...it was a nice thought, but Adam shook it from his head.
"Hey Adam...sorry about the confusion this morning..." Chris was a bit hesitant, despite his best efforts to the contrary.
"Eh, it was just bad communication...um," Adam looked around for a moment. "Where's Ian?"
"Oh, we biked around a while and he said he forgot about something he had to do at school."
"Oh ok. Um, hey, do you mind if we stop by my house so I can do laundry?" Adam asked, pointing to the bag on his back.
"Oh yeah, let's go."
The two rode out of the station towards Adam's house in silence. It was evident to both of them that they were both nervous about something and wanted to talk...they were busy trying to figure out how to jump into a conversation. Both stalled a few times trying to say something, but in the end they decided to at least get to Adam's house first. They found the house empty on arrival and proceeded up to Adam's room.
Adam started unpacking his laundry and invited Chris to make himself at home. Adam was soon down the hall in the laundry room, leaving Chris alone. They had been close friends for a good while, but Chris had only been in Adam's room a couple of times. Adam preferred to spend time away from home and Chris's house always seemed the better alternative. Still, those few times, Adam was always present and the two usually spent the time talking, so Chris never really got the chance to look around much. A casual glance revealed a pretty typical teenager's room...bed, desk, bedstand, dresser...but something caught Chris's eye. A few small picture frames were scattered along the back edge of Adam's desk. A few steps closer and the images on the pictures started coming into focus.
There was a photo of Adam and his little brothers on a camping trip, another of him and his parents at high school graduation and then...there was a photo of him and Chris. True to form, it was just after a bike race and they were posing together at the finish line, arms around each other's shoulders and their heads leaning in towards each other...a little closer than normal for two guys. Chris really expected a picture of Adam and Becks to be on the desk, but the only picture of Adam with someone not in his family was that one. Chris sighed a little as he looked at the picture. They looked really happy in it...and it crossed Chris's mind that they looked good together.
A knock at the door broke Chris's reverie and he walked over to open it. Adam was standing with two tall glasses in his hands, offering one to Chris.
"Thought you might be thirsty after riding around...and I know you always forget to bring water when you ride," Adam commented with a chuckle.
"Yeah...bad habits die hard, thanks Adam." There was an awkward silence as the two nervously sipped their drinks while standing in the room, each of them trying to find the right words for the moment.
"It's now or never," Adam mentally primed himself before setting down his glass on his desk and walking back up to Chris, who was looking pretty nervous himself.
Chris bit his lip apprehensively. "I guess we need to talk, huh?"
Adam let out a quiet, nervous laugh. "Yeah...I guess so." Adam sat down on his bed and Chris followed suit. More anxious seconds passed by as Adam tried to order the chaotic storm of thoughts in his head.
"I'm sorry Adam."
Chris's sudden apology caught Adam off-guard. "Wha? What are you sorry about?"
Having his own problems putting his thoughts in order, Chris took a few deep breaths while he struggled to put a cohesive answer together.
"Adam, do you remember that night at the Cape...y'know, when we had that talk about how we felt about each other?"
"Of course I do." The two had made it clear to each other that there were mutual feelings and that they would just see where things went. Chris was still with Jase at the time, but that wasn't the case anymore.
"I still do...I mean...I still like you Adam." A loud, resounding "YES!!" sounded in Adam's mind, but manifested only as a smile across his face. Then, it faded slightly as the thought occurred that Chris was sorry about still liking him.
"Um...so why are you apologizing?" Adam creaked out.
"Huh? Oh, Adam I don't mean I'm sorry about that...I...ah jeez...Adam..." Chris closed his eyes and tried to get his thoughts back on track. "Adam, do you still feel the same way?"
Adam felt his throat seize up and did his best to gulp his anxiety down. "Yeah...well, I mean...if anything...I like you more than before."
"I was hoping...Adam, I'm sorry...that I've been hung up over Jase for so long."
"Chris...it's ok. I mean, you're still in love with him, right?"
"Yeah...but still...I mean, I've got it through my head that it's ok to feel the way I do about someone other than Jase, but I can't seem to shake this...I dunno...guilt I guess."
Adam couldn't help but laugh a little at the apparent irony. "Um...I've felt a bit guilty too."
Adam was met with a surprised look on Chris's face. "What?"
"I mean I told you this before...I feel guilty about having these feelings for you because of what's between you and Jase...especially since Jase has been such a good guy to me."
"Heh...yeah Jase can make it pretty difficult to harbor any grudges against him."
"Yeah, I've noticed...I mean, I know you'd probably rather Jase was still here..." Adam slapped himself mentally after he said that.
"Adam...it's not like that." Chris was visibly hurt by those words.
"God...I'm sorry...that just came out. Yeah, I think I have some insecurities..." Adam tensed up and breathed in sharply as the sensation hit him...Chris's hand was on his own.
"Adam...I want to be with you...I just don't know if I'm good for you."
"What do you mean? Why wouldn't you be good for me?" Genuine confusion was present in Adam.
"I just...Adam, have you had feelings for anyone else?"
The question put Adam almost into shock. Immediately, thoughts of Sean popped into his head. "Um...yeah, I think so..."
"Does he like you too?" Chris's tone was very mild and level...he showed no signs of being surprised.
"Uh...yeah, he does, but..." Adam really wasn't sure what to say. He was already confused about how he felt about Sean and the conversation wasn't making that any clearer to him.
"Has anything happened?"
Then fear set in. "Chris...I..." Chris's eyes closed slowly as he breathed out. A small, gripping feeling shot through his core, like part of his body was imploding. Adam noticed that Chris winced. "I'm sorry."
Chris just tightened his hand around Adam's. "Don't be...I mean we're not together..."
"I feel like I cheated on you without even being with you. Heh, pretty dumb, huh?"
"Heh...I can't even sort out how I feel anymore...I guess that's even dumber."
Adam started to realize that Chris wasn't going to come around all at once and that he needed more time to sort out his feelings. Adam also got the feeling that Chris didn't want him to wait.
"Chris, do you want me to back off? I mean...at least for a while?"
"I think I can get over all this guilt and shit that I'm feeling...I mean, hell, Jase wants me to get over it all. I just don't know how long it'll take...besides, I think a nice, non-fucked up guy would be good for you, hehe."
Adam slipped his hand out of Chris's and pulled Chris into an embrace. "You're not fucked up...and this doesn't mean that I'm gonna go away either."
"Good...I'd miss you."
An urge had been flying around in Adam's head for the course of the conversation and it finally managed to break into the forefront. "Oh what the hell," Adam thought.
Adam pulled away slightly so he could face Chris. "I'm backing off, but I really want to do this first..."
Before Chris could ask what he was talking about, Adam leaned in smoothly and closed his eyes, going on autopilot. Chris leaned back, but definitely didn't want to escape...his eyes closed as Adam closed in. A light brush of his lips was enough to make Chris melt...Adam's hand quickly and instinctively moved up to Chris's head to support him. The brushing lips transitioned seamlessly into a full kiss as the two leaned into each other. Adam's rational side cut the moment slightly short and he pulled back, not wanting to overdo it. Chris felt a cold shiver come across him at the end of the kiss, but it subsided as he opened his eyes and Adam came into view, smiling.
"Hope that didn't cross the line too much," Adam said.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it to keep going..." He and Chris slumped comfortably onto the bed, taking in each other's presence.
"I just hope it's not the last time..." Adam thought to himself.
The room was dark except for a dim light creeping in from the window. Adam lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was still relatively early, especially for a Saturday night, but Adam wasn't in the mood to deal with the world. Things hadn't turned out the way he wanted earlier that day, but he was happy that Chris at least wanted to be with him, intervening issues or not.
Adam shifted slightly in his bed and felt a sharp spot on his leg. Knowingly, he reached down and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Just as he was about to set it down on his bed stand, Adam paused and opened the phone. A few button pushes later, Sean's number from his call earlier was on the screen, ready to be dialed. Adam stared at the 10 digits, the light from the screen flooding his eyes in the midst of the darkness around him.
"What the hell..." Adam said aloud as he pushed talk and pulled the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" Sean's voice was pretty neutral.
"Um, hey Sean, it's Adam."
"Oh hey!" Sean chastised himself for sounding too enthusiastic. "How's it going?" He said, a little calmer.
"Um...ok I guess. I hope this isn't a bad time."
"Oh, not at all...just wasting time."
"Hey, um...I hope I didn't put you off...y'know, when I left so early."
"Aww...nah it's ok. I know things went a bit fast...I'm just really glad you called. I was kinda thinking that you wouldn't. Actually I was thinking about calling you earlier to grab dinner, but I didn't want to pester you." Adam realized that he actually hadn't eaten. He and Chris got coffee before coming back, but no food. Chris had since disappeared off with Ian...Adam had declined the invitation to join them.
"Um...actually I haven't eaten yet. I guess you probably did already..."
"Oh really? Actually I didn't eat yet either...I got caught up doing some work. Well, if you'd like to go grab something...I mean if you don't think it's too late..." Adam smiled at Sean's apparently nervousness. He thought that it wouldn't hurt having some company.
"Nah, let's go...I'm starving right now. Wanna meet me in the square?"
"Sure...give me 10?"
"Alright, see you then."
As Adam shut his phone, a slight tinge of guilt crept over him. His better reason knew there was nothing to feel guilty for, but that didn't make the feeling go away.