Inadequate Men
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I guess I need to add an apology for those of you who've been interested in reading about Jared, Tom, and the others in this story. I don't know where the urge to write comes from, and I sure don't know where it goes when it's not around.
I wrote most of these chapters in 2020 (remember that year?), and a few more in 2021. Now it's 2023. So much time has gone by. But for Jared and Tom, through the magic of storytelling, it's only a few minutes later.
Is anybody out there even still interested? My email is judestjude2357@gmail.com. I'll be glad to hear from you, even if it's to pin my ears back for leaving you hanging all this time.
I'd like to promise more chapters in a few days. I sure do have a lot of ideas, and some of them are even written down. I think you'll like them. But I don't want to make any promises I can't keep.
So, let's all see what happens... together.
Thanks, TJ
Chapter 23 -- Pajama Party, Part 2
Jared got out of bed to use the bathroom. When he returned to the bedroom, he found Tom and Sean curled up together. Sean opened one eye to let Jared know he was still conscious, but didn't move so as not to wake Tom up. He was actually snoring.
Jared thought about crawling back into bed with them. But, not wanting to disturb Tom, instead went into his office and opened his laptop, thinking he would kill a few minutes looking at email from work.
In his work inbox, he found another email request from Kyle for a personal day on Friday -- with a promise to work the weekend if needed. As a boss, he was a little concerned. He didn't expect an employee to take two personal days at the end of the last week before a set of depos they'd been working for weeks -- no, months -- to prepare for.
And then at the same time, when he consulted his heart, he found that he really didn't care. The discovery was surprising. For Jared, who was normally a real stickler for protocol when it came to work and, let's face it, lots of other things, the experience was like burying a fork deep into his forearm only to find he neither bled nor felt pain. So, Kyle was falling head over heels in love and needed two days off to enjoy it. Why not let the kid enjoy himself? The kid who, by the way, except for one day off with the flu the previous winter had otherwise never asked for so much as an hour off of work to visit the dentist.
Jared then realized that he'd never responded to Kyle's email from the previous day. He felt really bad about it, because Kyle had bared his soul, and Jared felt it would be weird to leave him completely hanging.
In response, he wrote Kyle the following email:
Kyle,
I'm really glad that things are working out for you and Ben. Please take the day and the weekend, and we'll see you Monday, fresh for the hunt.
Best, Jared
In his personal inbox, however, he received the longer explanation -- a continuation of Kyle's previous email about his overnight with Ben. And that really got his attention:
Hi Jared,
When the smoke clears -- by which I mean, Monday -- I will be back to work, and you will once again be able to count on me as your loyal assistant. And if you need me to, as promised, I'll work the weekend.
Ben just left for a few hours, and I just need to write all this down. For whatever reason, writing it all makes it somehow more real. And for whatever other reason, writing it to you rather than in an anonymous journal seals the deal. You don't have to respond, but I guess we'll talk about it sooner or later, probably sooner.
I don't think you quite understand the full effect of what you said to me Wednesday night, but it kicked me into a place where I think that maybe, maybe, I'm finally ready for a real relationship. Hopefully with Ben, but if not, then with the right person, because I'm finally the right person, or at least becoming one.
I'm skipping all over the map, but before I tell you about the next part of my night with Ben, one more thing: I'm not a bottom. Never have been. Can't say I never will be, but for now, that label has been washed away. In fact, maybe I'm done with labels. As a gay man, I've always been pretty smug about knowing myself. It took a lot of courage for me to come out when I did. But soon after, it was smooth sailing. My dad took about half a day to adjust to the news that his son was gay. My mom, maybe two weeks max. I was dating guys at 14 and had my first serious boyfriend in my sophomore year in high school. And since that time, if you'd asked me, I would have told you that I'm a hardcore bottom, born and bred.
When I say smug, I mean that I literally couldn't understand how someone could not know they were gay. How could you not? What could possibly get between you and ... and you so that you couldn't figure out this most basic thing? Or, then, if you were one of those who was willing to deny yourself a world of happiness to make your parents, your coach, or your church happy -- well, be my guest.
So let me say that denial is not just a river in Egypt. Folks convince themselves of all sorts of things, and I am certainly no different. When I was 16, my first real time with a boyfriend, more in love than I could ever imagine, I convinced myself that if I didn't please him, I would lose him. And I was so terrified of losing him, I found I couldn't enjoy the sex we were having. He asked me what was wrong? I told him nothing and asked him if he wanted to fuck me. I pretended I liked it, he told me he loved me, and I've been getting fucked ever since.
More on that later...
After blowing out the candle and dozing off with Ben, I woke up maybe 20 minutes later, still in his arms. I kissed his cheek and was surprised to find his eyes were open.
"Hey," I asked, "How long was I out?"
"Not long," Ben said. And even in the dark, I could see that he was still nervous about what he had told me. And it brought out a feeling in me that I realized was paternal, protective. I could see so clearly how my beautiful Ben had been hurt and was afraid of getting hurt again. And I wanted nothing else except to take care of him. Ironic. Me, who'd been looking for someone else to take care of me ever since I came out.
"How are you doing?" I asked. "Still nervous?"
"Yeah, a little," he admitted. He laughed, "Or maybe a lot."
"Me too," I said. Cause I realized I was. And that wasn't something I wanted to hide from him. "Maybe if we talk about it..." I suggested.
"OK," Ben agreed, "Who goes first?"
"You do," I said, "If that's OK."
"It's OK," Ben said, "Actually, I want to talk about it. Except it's not really first date conversation."
"That's cool," I said, "Cause this isn't our first date. We've been seeing each other for how long?" I asked.
"Yes, true," Ben said, "Except I was thinking it kinda doesn't count because..."
I finished for him, "Because we haven't had sex yet?"
He nodded.
"How screwed up is that?" I asked, "I don't mean you, I mean us, all of us, the whole gay culture, the whole culture." I went on, "How is everything you and I have shared somehow invalid because we haven't spooged on each other?"
Ben laughed, "Well, when you put it that way..."
"What other way is there to put it?" I asked him. "Why do they get to say that we're not doing our relationship right? What gives them the right?" I went on more gently, "Ben, I really like being with you. And I don't care if we take a year or even more to get there. What's important to me is that we're together right now." I added, "How does that sound?"
Ben looked a lot more relaxed, even grateful, and said, "It sounds really, really good." He kissed me very deeply, and I kissed him back. For a while, we just made out like that, and it sure did feel good. A little while later, he asked me, "So, what about you? What was making you nervous?"
So I shared with him the story of my first boyfriend. "We were making out and taking off our clothes, and I got nervous because I wasn't getting an erection. Eventually, he reached down and tried to get me hard, but it just wasn't happening. So I told him that I guessed I was more of a bottom, and asked him if he had a rubber. After that, it became the normal thing for him to fuck me. But I never knew if I was doing it for me, for him, for us, or just because I was supposed to."
At that point, Ben said, "But hold on, I think you skipped something."
"What do you mean," I asked.
"When you say he tried to get you hard, what exactly happened?"
I felt a little defensive, not knowing exactly what he was asking. "I don't know, he tried a bunch of stuff. With his hand, with his mouth, then he put lube on it. Nothing worked. We were both getting really frustrated and... I don't know..." I didn't want to show it, but I felt upset talking about it.
"So you let him fuck you because you didn't know what else to do?" he asked.
"Something like that,"' I answered.
"This was like your first time with a guy, or at least this particular guy?"
I explained, "It was my first time for real. I know this sounds stupid, but I was really saving myself for the right guy. Dumb, right?"
Ben asked, "You were what, like 15 or 16?
"Something like that,"
"Yeah," Ben said, really sweetly, looking deep into my eyes, "That sure sounds dumb all right. Imagine that at 15 or 16, you'd want your first experience with a guy to mean something. What on earth were you thinking?"
I didn't say anything. I really couldn't think of anything to say. What I wanted to say, No, you don't get it -- cause if I didn't put out, then this guy was gonna leave me, and he was really a catch, like captain of the lacrosse team. And I tried to say it. I started the sentence and everything, but then I couldn't finish because of how really stupid it sounded, like some dumb heartsick cheerleader. And then, without thinking about it, I said, "Forget it, I just completely betrayed myself."
Ben kept looking at me and said, "No, you didn't." Then he kissed me again and said, "Kyle, you didn't betray yourself. He betrayed you." And then he just held me for a while as it slowly sunk in. And I didn't want him to see me, but tears started running down my face, so I hid my face in his chest, in the pocket of my own pajamas that he was still wearing.
"I'm sorry," I said, "I'm just really fucked up."
"No, no, Kyle, you're not," Ben said, "This is what you do when you've been hurt, my friend. This is how you heal."
And then I really let loose, oh my God, the floodgates opened. I'm making light of it now, Jared, but something inside me just broke off and floated downstream. It wasn't just grief over what happened when I was a teenager, but also gratitude that Ben was there with me, just holding me through it. I wanted to tell him I loved him then and there. But I didn't say the words, because I didn't want them to come from this broken part of myself. But I knew, if I hadn't already, that I was with a very special guy, and that I sure wasn't going to let him go anytime soon.
After that, I remember dozing off for a little while. I don't even know what time it was when I woke up again, but when I did, I found Ben still awake. I was really surprised, because it was so late, but then I thought that when you sleep in an unfamiliar bed, falling asleep can be difficult. I thought it was kind of sweet, actually, that Ben was watching over me as I slept. I could get used to this, I remember thinking.
I remember feeling more relaxed than I could ever remember feeling with a man. It felt so good to be next to him. And I had to admit that seeing him again wearing my pajamas reminded me that I was wearing his, and it may sound weird, but that was exciting. When I was 12 or so, I had a friend named Adam who used to stay over my house for the night. It was always a thrill when we changed from our clothes into our pajamas. And then, from time to time, things would happen between us. But that's another topic for another time.
In any case, the short doze had somehow cleared away some of the apprehension I'd been feeling. Without even thinking about it, I reached over to Ben and kissed him. At first, it was just gentle, just touching his lips softly with mine. But the feeling was so good that I couldn't stop, and I could tell that he felt the same.
Strangely, one thing that felt really good was that we'd agreed to make this just a cuddle session. So, for once in my life, I wasn't going to be faced with the question of whether to let the guy I was with fuck me. I realized that all my life, I had always been apprehensive of that possibility. And all my life, I'd been saying yes because I thought it had been expected of me. I mean, somebody has to be the top, and since I hadn't been able to do that, I had to be the bottom, right?
But now, the pressure was off. I had agreed to wait for sex until Ben was ready, not even knowing that I needed the same thing from him. And now, it just felt good to kiss him and not focus on what was going to happen next, because nothing was going to happen. For the first time since I was 12, I was free to just enjoy kissing another guy without worrying about The Big Event. The pressure was finally off.
Also, I wanted to make sure that Ben knew I would honor our agreement. I didn't want him to feel pressured in any way. I wanted him to know that as far as I was concerned, we had all the time in the world to get to know each other without any expectations from me.
So, as we kissed again and again, every so often, I would just stop and look at him. The first time I did this, he asked me, "Is everything OK."
"Completely," I said, then explained, "I just like looking at you. Is that OK?"
He said, "Yes, of course," then added, "I really like looking at you, too, Kyle."
I know it sounds cliché, but we just looked into each other's eyes for a long time. And even though it felt good, I still found I felt unbelievably nervous. I wanted to just drink Ben in with my eyes, but I was afraid for him to see me in the same way. And I could see the same nervousness in him. When I looked, I didn't see any sign that Ben wanted to reject me or push me away. But I did see him scanning my face for signs that I might be about to reject him.
"It's a little scary, isn't it?" I found myself asking.
"Yeah," he agreed, "a little."
Without even thinking, I said, "You're so beautiful, Ben." He was, he really was.
He said, "No, it's you, Kyle. You're the beautiful one." He took my hand in his, and we just started kissing again, this time more passionately.
After that, it was like time just stopped. I don't even know how long that went on. Every moment felt entirely spontaneous. And at the same time, it felt scripted, but we were discovering the script moment by moment. He would kiss me passionately and I could feel that he was in charge, and I let him have me. Then look at each other and smile, and we would be two boys exploring each other for the first time, with no one in the lead. And then I would feel a surge of passion and press into him, feeling I wanted to own him, and that no one else in the world could ever take him from me, and I could feel him yielding to me.
We kissed like that for a while longer, and then we just held each other. And I can truly say that I've never felt closer to another man in my entire life. And I could feel that Ben felt the same way.
And that's when it started happening -- I felt myself starting to get hard. It just felt so good what Ben and I were doing. I felt so relaxed and accepted, so happy to be with him.
At first, I just let it happen, and enjoyed the feeling. Usually, when I get a hard-on, it doesn't tend to last all that long. But this time from the beginning felt really different. Most of the time, with a guy groping at it, trying to make it hard, the reverse happens and it starts to go down. But Ben had told me that he had the same trouble, so that took the pressure off. And with everything we were sharing, I felt like I trusted Ben more that I'd ever trusted any man before. And somehow, my dick was really responding to that feeling.
Of course, it felt good at first. But after a few minutes, my balls really started to ache in a way I'd never felt before. It was actually painful, like they were full and really needed to be relieved. And I started getting nervous, even embarrassed, because I'd promised Ben that we'd keep things limited to cuddling and kissing. I didn't want to break the trust that we were starting to have with each other.
The trouble was that the way Ben and I were pushing into each other, I was worried that he would notice I had an erection, and then feel pressured, and I didn't want that to happen. I knew I wasn't supposed to have an erection, and that I needed to make it go down before he noticed.
But all of a sudden, for some reason, that thought started getting me incredibly turned on. The more I tried to make my erection go down, the more it wouldn't, and that feeling itself was turning me on even more.
Ben broke off from kissing me and asked, "What's going on?" I thought for a moment that he could read my mind, but when I opened my eyes, it was obvious what was going on: I looked down and saw that my dick was sticking straight through the open fly of the pajamas I was wearing.
"I'm sorry," I said reflexively.
"Why?" Ben asked.
"I know I'm not supposed to have a boner." I said. "I don't want you to feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do." Then I added, "I'm trying to make it go down."
Ben took this in and then smiled, "Yeah, I guess all this kissing is making it tough." And then he started kissing me again, and I couldn't help but kiss him back.
"Yeah," was all I could say when we stopped kissing again.
I was surprised, but then Ben started rubbing my chest between the buttons of my pajama shirt. He started rubbing against one of my nipples, which are really sensitive, and I reacted to the feeling.
In response, Ben unbuttoned a few buttons on my shirt and rubbed his whole hand on my chest, "I love your smooth chest," he said. And then he kept on rubbing my nipple, adding, "Maybe this will help it go down, hmm?"
This only intensified the ache in my balls. My dick was so hard it practically hurt, and it felt so good sticking out of my fly and rubbing up against the pajamas that Ben was wearing. It felt kind of exposed, and a little embarrassing, that Ben could see my dick but I couldn't see his.
"Keep trying to make it go down," Ben said. "Like in the showers after swimming practice." My heart skipped a beat when he said that. When we talked on the phone, I told Ben a little about a few embarrassing experiences I'd had in college. At the time, I was still very worried about my teammates finding out that I was attracted to guys, because we showered together all the time. But all that nervousness and embarrassment was, of course, a big part of the problem I had in not being able to keep from getting an erection in the shower room. Just knowing that I wasn't supposed to get an erection made me so self-consciously aware of my body that it was always a struggle not to get one -- usually, when the whole shower room was full of guys I knew and there was nowhere to hide.
It always embarrassed me, but of course it turned me on, too. I would go back to my dorm -- or, sometimes, in a hidden area of the locker room -- and relieve myself of the pressure whenever it happened. But in the moment, when guys on the team could see me naked in front of them, in reality I dreaded not being able to hold down my erection. And once, when I started to get a full-on boner that wouldn't go down in front a few other guys, I was forced to leave the shower room half covered with soap and practically run to get my towel around me. Even so, my hard-on was still sticking up in front of the towel, and I could hear one or two guys snickering about it.
So when Ben reminded me about the showers after swimming practice, I got even more embarrassed and turned on at the same time. I knew my penis was sticking up hard out of the fly in the pajamas I was wearing, which were Ben's pajamas, and I felt a little exposed, like being in the shower room again.
All I could say to Ben was, "I'm trying. I'm really trying to make it go down."
And the next thing Ben said embarrassed me even more, even though I knew what he was doing: "Yeah, cause, you know, you kind of promised to keep things G-rated with us tonight."
It was true. I'd promised Ben that I'd keep things non-sexual between us, and I'd meant it. "I know," I said, then added, "This literally never happens to me."
When I said that, Ben suddenly kissed me more passionately than he'd ever done, over and over again. I could feel how turned on he was -- in fact, I could actually feel his whole body trembling as he kissed me. I knew that it was involuntary and that he was very self-conscious about it. I could feel him try to pull away a little, but I pulled him closer to me. Sure enough, his whole body was trembling like a leaf. And maybe this sounds weird, but it was the single most erotic thing I've ever experienced with a man.
"Oh, God," I said suddenly, "Ben, I think I'm in love with you."
He didn't say anything for a few seconds, but that didn't stop him from trembling. At last, he said, "I feel it too, Kyle, I feel it too." And he kissed me again and said, not looking me in the eye, "But... listen... I still don't have an erection. I just can't get one when I'm with a man. I've never been able to. You're the first person I've ever told. So, if you want me to go, I understand and it's OK..."
And I just heard myself say, "Ben, I don't ever want you to go. I want you to stay forever. And I like you exactly the way you are, so you never, ever have to worry about that with me as long as we live. I love you."
I pressed my lips on his and kissed him again, and I could still feel him trembling as he kissed me back. We kissed for a long, long time.
And when we were done, Ben said simply, "I love you, too." And I knew he meant it. And then he added, "So, you think we should take our shirts off?"
That sounded like heaven to me. I'd been admiring Ben's chest with its walnut-brown hair the whole time we'd been wearing pajamas.
I didn't say anything, just started unbuttoning his pajama top, which only had four large white buttons. When I was done, I let the two separate folds of cloth drape aside Ben's lean chest and stomach. They were both a lot more defined than I would have guessed for a tall, thin guy. Ben really has strong, defined pecs and abs. I found out since then that ever since junior high school, he's done a ton of pushups and crunches every day. But the part I liked best were his nipples, which were very tiny and completely hairless. I wanted to run my fingers across his chest immediately, but I decided to wait and just look at his beautiful chest for a long while before touching it.
We kissed again and then Ben said, "OK, my turn." The pajama top I was wearing had snaps, so Ben pulled it open easily. "Wow," he said, "You're so nice and smooth. Do you shave it for swimming?" he asked, and started rubbing it.
"I don't have to," I told him.
"Mmmmm," he said, "Even better."
"I always thought a hairy chest and stomach like yours was more masculine," I said, and then broke down and started rubbing the front of him.
Ben responded by rubbing my nipple again. It felt even better than before, and Ben must have noticed that, because he started rubbing both of my nipples at the same time. My erection was still sticking out of the fly of my pajamas, and I still felt a little embarrassed about it, because we'd both agreed to keep things non-sexual, and I desperately didn't want Ben to feel pressured in any way. But the more I kept trying to make my erection go down, the harder it seemed to get.
It also didn't help that as Ben pushed closer to me, my hard dick started rubbing up against the front of his pajamas. The stimulation felt so good, but at the same time I was still trying to resist it, hoping that I could relax enough for my erection to go back down.
"What was it like?" Ben asked me. "In the shower room at college after swimming practice?"
My heart started beating even faster thinking about it again. "It was really embarrassing," I admitted, as Ben kissed me deeply. He was still rubbing both my nipples, giving me wave after wave of pleasure.
"What was embarrassing?" he asked, and then kissed me again.
Shaking with excitement, I answered, "This one time, we were all taking a shower together after a really hard practice. This was in the beginning of freshman year, when I still wasn't really out to most of the guys on the team, especially the older guys like the juniors and seniors. I really wanted them to like me, but when we were naked together, I started getting hard and had to get out of the shower before they all noticed."
Still rubbing my nipples, Ben said, "Sounds embarrassing. Also sounds like you were attracted to some of them."
"I was attracted to practically all of them," I admitted, "They were all two or three years older, and so hot. And they were pretty much all good guys. I really liked them, and I wanted them to like me so bad..."
Ben asked, "Who did you like best?"
I felt a little embarrassed even saying his name. "Jacob," I told him.
"What did Jacob look like?"
"He was tall and blond," I said, "with a hairy chest kind of like yours, strong muscles like you've got." I buried my face in Ben's chest and added, "And he was also a super nice guy like you."
"What was nice about him?"
I said, "He always went out of his way to make sure the new guys on the team felt like we were part of things. He was confident, and because of that he always had a genuine smile on his face. Sometimes..." I hesitated.
"Sometimes what," Ben asked.
"Sometimes he would put his arm around me as he was explaining something. Like he'd almost pull me close to him, really affectionately. And, of course, we usually both had our shirts off when he did. I could feel the warmth of his arm on my shoulders."
"You mean like this?" Ben said, starting to rub one of my shoulders as he said that. He did it so gently that I could feel the love we'd just expressed to each other in his touch. And it did remind me of how Jacob used to touch me sometimes. Ben went on, "Tell me about what happened with Jacob in the shower room."
I was both super-embarrassed but also super-turned on. "Well, this one time..." I started, "Jacob usually didn't shower with the rest of us. When it was warm enough, he would walk back to the dorm in his bathing suit and shower. But now it was November and cold out. He was helping me one-on-one after practice. We went to the shower room together and we were the only ones in there. I didn't really think about it, just took off my Spedo like I always did and started soaping up. I figured Jacob would take off his suit, too, but he didn't. He actually started to look nervous, like he couldn't look me in the eye, and that was a side of him I'd never seen before. I offered him my bottle of liquid soap, and he took it and started soaping his face and chest. But then, he stopped because it was obvious to both of us that he would need to take off his Spedo, too.
"I could see him get even more nervous, and I wondered why. I mean, all the guys on the team sometimes worried about `shrinkage' from the pool. It didn't happen too much to me, but it wasn't a big deal, and the guys would mostly joke about it. But Jacob really looked worried, and I wasn't sure why.
"Finally, he reluctantly started to untie the strings on his suit. He took a long time doing it, way longer than he needed to. At last, he just pulled his bathing suit down. As he did this, he was trying to look calm, but his face turned beet red, and I could see a vein on his neck pulsating the way it did after he'd just won a race. For a while, he held his Spedo in front of his body, pretending to rinse it and wring it out, trying to stay covered up. But eventually, he hung it on the shower head and continued to soap himself up, and I could see what he was hiding.
"Jacob's balls were pretty big like a guy his age was supposed to be, but his dick was really small. He had a small head that looked very shrunken from all our time in the cold water, and no shaft at all, and looked to be less than an inch long. As he soaped himself up, I could see he didn't even want to look me in the eye.
"I wanted so much to let him know it was OK, that I wasn't judging him. I remember thinking that I wished mine had also shrunken up more from the cold, so maybe he wouldn't feel as embarrassed about it. I started trying to make mine get just a little smaller, but..."
I stopped, and Ben waited a long time before kissing me a few times and finally asking, "But what? It's OK..."
I said at last, "But when I focused on trying to make my dick smaller, the exact opposite started happening... kind of like it's happening now..."
"What's that?" Ben asked. And as he asked, I could feel his hand start to touch my penis for first time. I was still hard, and I felt so exposed as he lightly started rubbing the underside of my erection up by the head.
"I mean..." I said, "I don't want you to feel..." He kept rubbing my erection, which I'd been trying to hide from him. "I know I promised that I wouldn't pressure you into doing anything before you're ready. I don't want to lose you, Ben."
Ben asked, "But what happened in the shower room with Jacob?"
I told him, "The same thing that's happening now."
"You mean, you got an erection that you couldn't control?"
"YES," I said, "I was trying so hard, but I couldn't make it go down."
Ben asked, "Did you feel embarrassed,"
"Of course."
"How come?" he asked.
"Because I didn't want him to feel embarrassed about being so small. I wanted mine to be small, too, so he wouldn't have to feel like I was trying to make him feel inadequate." I added, "He was always so nice to me. He never made me feel like I was just a freshman on the team who didn't matter. Now, I wanted to do the same for him and let him know I wasn't judging him, only..." I hesitated to say it, "I couldn't hold down my erection in front of him, no matter how hard I tried."
Ben added, "You mean, like you've been trying to do in front of me. The way it's sticking out of the front of your pajamas now." And as he said that, he started slowly rubbing my erection, adding, "And you've been trying to make it go down, but you just can't control it?"
I heard myself say, "I'm sorry, I'm really trying..."
Ben said, "You know, you promised this wouldn't happen." And he started licking one of my nipples as he rubbed the other, still rubbing my hard dick very gently.
"I know," I said, "I'm sorry."
"You can't control it?" Ben said, rubbing my dick with more pressure now. "You can't make it go down?" He kept licking one of my nipples and rubbing the other one, sending waves of pleasure into me.
"I'm trying," I said, "It won't go down."
"You need to make it go down," Ben insisted, "You promised this wouldn't happen tonight."
"I'm trying to control it," I said desperately, "But if you keep touching it like that, I'm afraid I... won't be able to hold back from..."
"You can't let that happen," Ben said, "You need to hold it in."
"I'm trying so hard, but..."
"Keep holding it in," Ben insisted, as he started fully jacking my dick. "You need to keep control."
"Please," I said, "If you don't... slow down... I don't think I can... hold it in much longer."
Ben said again, "You need to keep holding it in."
"I'm so close," I cried desperately, "I can't ... Please, I just can't hold it any longer... I can't... I ... I'm gonna... Aaaahhhhhhggghhhhh...." I squirted shot after shot of cum all over both of us, until our chests and faces were covered with the stuff. I've never shot so hard in my entire life. And, between you and me (and Ben, because I told him), that was literally the first time that a guy has ever been able to get me off using his hand. My whole life, I've been finishing myself off by myself.
Afterwards, we just kissed and kissed. I told Ben over and over how much I loved him, and he told me the same thing. And I knew it was true.
I hope it's OK that I've told you all this, Jared. None of it would have happened if you hadn't said what you said at the bar. My whole life feels like it's changed overnight. And it sure feels good...
See you Monday, Kyle
Thanks for reading! If any of this story speaks to you and you've thought about writing to me about it, please do: judestjude2357@gmail.com. I promise to do my best to answer, especially if you're feeling alone with no one to talk to about this stuff. Thanks again, TJ