He kissed me and I kissed him back, but then I cut it short and pushed him off.
"I don't think you should do that anymore, Cart. . .I mean, Jordan."
"I can't kiss you? Why not?"
"Because you shouldn't go around kissing everybody."
"I wasn't kissing everybody, just you. Carter said I can. You like it don't you?"
"Yeah, I did. But I'm a bit weird anyway. You still shouldn't do it."
"Who says you're weird?"
"Well, Chalky does."
"Does he? You'll have to introduce me to this Chalky. I hate him already."
"No, you don't. Don't be like that. Give him a chance, Jordan. Chalky's a great guy and a good friend. Much better than I'll ever be."
"He's not you know, Davey. Nobody's better than you. We'll continue this later; for now I've got to go around and meet everybody. Have you got some clothes I could borrow?"
Borrow some clothes? Shit! He was naked! Apart from the tighty-whities that is. How could I not notice that?
"Umm, yeah, sure. But couldn't you? - where are Carter's clothes?"
"In the coffin of course. The clothes, the wigs, the contacts and the dyes. They're all parta Carter. They've gone now, I've got no clothes, Davey."
"Right. Come over to my room. You can have any of my clothes that you want."
"Thanks Friend. Tomorrow, I'll go shopping and buy a whole new wardrobe. Will you come with me? Help me pick out clothes that normal people would wear?"
"Of course I will, that'll be great. Come on then."
On the way, something was bothering me and I had to ask.
"Jordan, your skin's a different colour, isn't it?"
"Different to what?" He grinned. "Different to Carter's? It is, but Carter wore make-up and dyes. Weird, wasn't he?"
"No he wasn't! And, your eyes, is that your natural colour?"
"Yes, of course. I don't wear contacts."
"Cool. What about the hair? Are you really bald?"
"I'm bald, at the moment. It will grow though. Carter shaved his head, I'm not going to do that."
"Oh, good. What colour will it be?"
"You'll have to wait and see. It won't be blue though, or pink."
"I'm pleased about that too. I'll look forward to it."
"Yeah." He rubbed a hand across his chrome-dome. "Just like waiting for a baby's hair to grow. I'm not a baby though. We're going to talk about that too."
Up in my room, he knew exactly which clothes he wanted - brown cargos, orange t-shirt and even which boxers - the green ones with the smiley faces. He made me stand out in the hallway while he got dressed.
"Hey, I'm shy here. Okay?"
When I was allowed back in my own room, Jordan was standing looking out the window. The party was going strong over there now. The grave was filled in and the little girls seemed to be having a wonderful time, covering it up with flowers.
Carter - I mean, Jordan - stood back from the window and spun around a couple of times, with his arms out.
"Well? What do you think, will I do?"
"Oh yes. I think you'll do nicely. The clothes are okay too."
He grinned. He still had that glorious smile. He still looked good too - bald, but sort-of elegant in every line. There was no doubt about it, I was seriously in love with this boy.
"Thanks, Davey. I think you'll do nicely too. So, you have to come and introduce me now. They're my family but they don't even know my name yet."
We went back and I introduced him to all of his family, one by one. Amazingly, they all seemed to take it seriously too. Except for Matt. He just grinned, threw his arms around him and lifted him off the ground.
"Welcome back, Jordan. I've really missed you."
David and Marie were very serious, but I could tell that they were delighted that Jordan wanted to be known as Davidson from now on. David's son, get it? Of course you do, it couldn't be more obvious could it?
Then I had to introduce him to my family and friends. They followed everyone else's example, and did it quite well, I thought. Dad was obviously very amused, but he didn't say anything.
We sat around, talking and eating the barbecue meal. According to Chatty, Carter used to be a vegetarian. Jordan certainly wasn't. He was the same, but he was different. He was really friendly too - to everybody; laughing and joking and carrying on.
Jordan and Chalky seemed to be getting on well, I knew that they would. I could see that Jordan was going to be popular, as popular as Tease and Chatty already were. He wasn't going to need me for much longer. I was probably too weird for him anyway.
The night drew on and the adults got down to some serious partying. A crowd of the teens went downtown to hang at the burger place. I didn't, I wasn't dressed for that. I went home, alone. No-one missed me.
I was pleased for Jordan, but a bit sad for me. Oh well, such is my life.
I stripped to my boxers, leaving my good clothes, carefully, on the floor. I closed the window to shut the noise out and lay down to watch TV for a while.
I must've dropped off to sleep. It wasn't late but I was tired. Emotional stuff does that to me and it had been a very emotional day. Anyway, I clicked awake when the television switched off. I lifted my head and saw him there.
"Huh? Jordan?"
"Hey Davey." His smile was on low-beam. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."
"S'okay, I'm awake now."
"Good, I guess. Sorry anyway. Davey, can I borrow a shovel?"
"You what?" I sat up in the bed, holding the sheet in front of my skinny chest. "What do you want a shovel for?"
"David's locked his ones away. I need a shovel so that I can dig Carter up."
"What? No! You can't dig Carter up. Why would you want to do that?"
"I'd rather be Carter. I'm tired of being Jordan, that's not working out at all."
"But. . . but why? I thought Jordan was getting on fine."
"I'd rather be Carter."
"What's Carter got that Jordan hasn't?"
"You, Davey. Just you."
"Me?"
"Yes, you. Carter loved you and you loved Carter. I want that back. I don't want to be Jordan if I can't have you."
"Of course you can have me, as a friend - one of your friends."
"I don't want you for a friend, Davey. I want you to love me, really love me. Like I love you."
"But - but how? How do you want me to love you, Jordan?"
He came and knelt on my bed.
"Like I love you, Davey. Not as a friend, not as a little boy. I want you to love me like this."
He leant in and kissed me - like really kissed me, not a friendly peck on the lips. This was the real thing. It was a hungry, searching, soul-sucking kiss, tongues and all, and boners too. (Well one anyway.) "Wow!"
"Yes, wow. Can you love me like that Davey?"
I kissed him back. "Oh, wow. Tell me that I'm not dreaming."
"If you are, then I'm having the same one and it's the best dream ever."
"I don't ever want to wake up. I love you, Jordan."
"As much as you loved Carter?"
"I think so. I think I will."
"Cool. I love you."
He took hold of my hand. Our fingers interlocked and we sat there grinning at each other. Life didn't get any better that that.
"Jordan, come to bed," I whispered. I was afraid to break the spell but I was yearning for more contact with this glorious boy.
He shattered me by letting go of my hand and standing up. "No, I don't think so. I'm going home. That room will need airing out if I'm going to get any sleep. Incense stinks!"
"Stay here and sleep with me."
"I can't. I'm going home. See you tomorrow, Davey. We'll go shopping."
He left, closing the door behind him.
"Dammit, Jordan! Why?"
Why wouldn't he sleep with me? He wanted to before. Ah, but that was before, that was Carter. I should have taken Carter's offer when I had the chance. Was I ever going to sleep with Jordan? How could I love him if he won't let me?
"Dammit, Jordan!"
I was a normal teenage boy. Well, a normal, gay, teenage boy. I wanted what any horny kid wanted. Jordan was not Carter, but he was not normal either. Dammit.
I wondered if Chalky would want to? He was not Jordan, but at least I could pretend it was him. "No, I can' do that."
Fuck'im! He could go shopping own his own. There'd be plenty of others willing to help him. I wasn't. My life sucked, basically. I did my usual screwy thinking in circles, getting myself in more and more of a state. By the time I, finally, got back to sleep, I'd decided, (once again!) to stay away from Jordan.
He didn't need me and I couldn't handle him. He was still too much for me. Fuck'im anyway.
Next morning, I was awake at first light, Jordan must have left the drapes open. Why would he do that? They're MY bloody drapes! I got out of bed and looked out of the window.
The yard next-door was quiet and empty for once. Everything was normal, except for the flower-strewn grave.
"Goodbye Carter. It's better that you've gone - better for you, but I'm not going to be Jordan's friend. It's too hard. Fuck'im anyway. He'll have lots of friends, he doesn't need me."
I got dressed and went out for a run. Running's good when you don't want to think about stuff. Through the sleeping town, there were a couple of early-risers about, but not many. I went across the bridge, out to Carver's Beach, around the airport and out to the South- tiphead.
On the way back, I turned right, before the bridge, and ran up the highway, up the hill and out as far as the cross-roads. Returning, I stopped and sat under a tree, a bit off the side of the road at the top of the hill, looking down and across the river at the town on the north bank.
I've always loved that view. The little town in the distance, little people going about their little lives.
I sat there for hours. Would anyone be looking for me? No, probably not. They probably wouldn't even miss me. Fuck'em anyway. I didn't need anyone. People just make life complicated and I couldn't handle it. It was too hard.
"Jordan, go make friends with Chalky. Stay away from me and I'll stay away from you. It's better that way, less complicated."
I knew that it was better, it really was, but I cried anyway. Bloody Crybaby! And then - I went to sleep. Like I said, emotional stuff makes me tired.
When I woke, the sun was well across the sky. Shit! I'd slept most of the day away. Not that there was anything to do anyway. But still - I'd be in trouble. Maybe. If they missed me, I would. Maybe.
I sat a few minutes looking at the town, and then got up, stretched and began the easy run back home.
When I arrived, I had been missed and it was not good. Mum said, "Where the hell have you been?" Among other things; I didn't hear much of it as I was switched off. I had a shower, then lay on my bed to watch some TV. It was late Sunday afternoon and I hadn't even started my homework yet.
Luckily, I'd locked the door and my window before going to sleep, as I was woken up by an insistent tapping on the window. It was not a branch, there was no tree out there. It was Jordan, standing up on a ladder, calling out to me. I turned my back on him and he eventually gave up and went away.
I felt a bit mean, that wasn't a nice thing to do. But, I wasn't sorry, it had to be done. Today was going to be a new beginning, the start of a new life without Jordan. I was just going to ignore him and get on with my own life. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and I knew he was going to be better off without me.
I went to school and it was odd. A few people greeted me, briefly, but no-one, not even Chalky, had much time for me. All eyes were on Jordan, all day long. That included mine, but I stayed true and purposefully stayed away from him, which meant that I was more or less alone all day as nobody else did.
He was laughing and joking and surrounded by all his new friends and admirers. Once when I looked at him across a classroom, I saw the smile fade and the strangest look came on his face. But then, someone spoke to him and he turned with a laugh and a grin and they walked away.
I'd made my choice, but damm! Why couldn't I have been someone else - someone good enough for him.
'Ah well. It won't be long and he won't even remember my name.'
Walking home from school - alone, naturally - a car stopped behind me and a door slammed. I didn't look back, just kept walking. Someone booted me up the backside!
I whipped around, ready to fight, but I couldn't do that - it was Tease. It was Tease and she was mad!
I just said, "Thanks" and walked away.
"Thanks?" she yelled "Thanks? Don't you walk away from me, Boy. I haven't finished with you yet."
"Yes you have, Theresa, and I've finished with you."
I kept walking, she feel into step beside me, I tried to ignore her.
"What do you mean, you've finished with me? What did I ever do to you, Davey?"
"Well you kicked me for a start."
"Okay, maybe I shouldn't have done that. But why did you hurt Jordan? What's he done to you?"
"Nothing. Just drop it will you? Jordan is nothing to me and neither are you."
I kept walking, she kept walking beside me.
"Davey? I thought we were friends."
"We all make mistakes."
We walked on in silence. I was almost home, almost free, when she stopped me again by grabbing my arm.
"I don't know why, but Jordan says that he loves you. What can he do to fix this, Davey? Do you love him? Yes or no."
"No."
"No? You don't love him?"
I tried to pull away, but she stood firm, holding my arm, this girl was a lot stronger than she looked. She stood there holding me and looking into my eyes - my big, stupid eyes that everyone seemed to read like a book.
"Not at all? Jordan's going to be shattered."
('Shattered? I thought that was me.') Then my stupid eyes betrayed me, yet again, and started dripping tears like a leaky faucet. I was such a girl! I dropped my head, jerked my arm away and walked into home, crying like a baby.
"Davey, why are you doing this to yourself? It doesn't have to be like this."
"It is like this. Tell him, Tease. Tell Jordan that I don't want to know him."
"If you don't want to know him, why are you so upset?"
"Cause I'm a fucking cry-baby! I loved Carter. I really loved him, and he's gone."
"Phaw!" She spat in disgust. "You're as weird as Carter. Jordan IS Carter, you know he is."
"He is not! Jordan is Jordan and Carter's gone. I know that's better for him but it's not for me. Leave me alone, Tease. Just leave me alone!"
I fled, ran into the house and slammed the door behind me, cutting off Tease's reply.
Sitting in my darkened room, playing music and doing homework, the outside world was supposed to be cut off, but it wasn't working very well. Between tracks, I could still hear music and voices next-door.
After a while, I couldn't resist and did the nosy-neighbour bit again, peeking out the window. There was a group of teens in the pool and Jordan was amongst them, swimming in shorts. I knew I'd heard him. They all seemed to be having a fun time. Damm them.
What was wrong with me? I could be over there too, but I wasn't going to. Fuck'em! I put my headphones on and turned up the volume. I could turn into an ace student here, if only I could concentrate on anything.
Finally, later, I shut down for the night and tried to sleep, but couldn't. The pool party had finished hours ago. That wasn't my problem. Everything was quiet now, but I still couldn't sleep. The room was too hot and stuffy. I wasn't used to having the window closed. Normally it stayed open all night, even in the coldest weather.
That was what I was used to and I liked it that way. After tossing and turning for a while, I gave in. I was never going to get to sleep like that. I got out of bed and opened the drapes and opened the window. That was better. Promising myself that I'd shut them as soon as I woke, I got back into bed and went straight to sleep.
In the morning, the sun was shining in the window. Bugger! I'd slept in again. I got up, closed the window and drapes and went for a shower. I came back and dressed for school. I was seriously late - normally I'd be well on my way by then. No breakfast today then.
About to go, I noticed a folded piece of paper - a note - propped up against the computer screen. On the outside, in large letters, it read "David." David? Nobody calls me David - I'm Davey. Was this Bruce's smart-arse way of telling me to get up for breakfast?
I grabbed it and quickly looked at the signature inside. It wasn't from Bruce, it was signed, "Jordan." Shit! I dropped it and left without reading it.
I was seriously pissed now! Didn't I have any bloody privacy? I couldn't even sleep with the window open without him sneaking in. After school, I was going to nail up a fly- screen, to let the air in and keep Jordan out. Why couldn't he leave me alone?
School was interesting. Not the classes, of course, but the relationships. 'Dynamics', I think you'd call it. Jordan wasn't there, no sign of him all day. I didn't see a lot of Chalky, he was still panting around after Melissa. Anyway, by lunchtime I was surrounded by girls.
Somehow, with no effort on my part, I seemed to have become a 'chick-magnet'. Was there a 'Space Available' sign on my head? Or, were they just sorry for the lonely loser? Maybe they just wanted to get close to Jordan's neighbour.
Still, this wasn't all bad. Filled in the day, I supposed. Shame I wasn't straight. But, where was Jordan? He should have been in school. I hoped that he wasn't sick or something. Not that it was any of my business anyway.
I walked home from school with Bruce and a couple of his mates. How pathetic am I? I had to find someone to take Chalky's place. I wished he'd get over Melissa already! Paul was in love too - with Carrie Gordon. Everybody had somebody.
Up in my room, I saw Jordan's note. I supposed that I should read it, so picked it up and had a look.
"Dear David, I'm sitting here watching you sleeping. I climbed in your window again, but now realise that I shouldn't have done that. Sorry. I won't do it again. If you don't want to know me, I'll just have to accept it and leave you alone. I wish it didn't have to be like this.
All day I've been surrounded by people. I'm trying really hard to be Jordan, but it's not the same. It was easier being Carter, at least he had one true friend. That's all I need really. Chalky's a lucky guy. Goodbye, David. Be happy. Jordan."
"Damm, Jordan!" I was crying again. Lately the waterworks seemed to switch on constantly. Ever since I first laid eyes on Carter, my whole world had changed.
Now he was Jordan, but he was still Carter. Tease was right, I was as weird as Carter. Soulmates, maybe? I couldn't live with Jordan. Did I want to live without him? No! I bloody did not!
This was it. I'd made up my mind finally! Jordan was making changes in his life - well, it was about time that I did too. I tried to make some order in my hair, and then I marched over next-door, to Jordan's.
Marie greeted me with a huge smile and said that he was up in his room. "He hasn't moved all day. Go and see if you can do something with him, Davey."
That I was! This was make-or-break time. I marched determinedly up to his room, knocked and walked in. Jordan was there, lying on his bed in the dark. Sometimes this boy was so like me it was scary. Not in his looks, he was much better looking than me, but in his ways he was like me.
"Jordan, what's your name?"
"My name?" He sat up looking at me. He'd been crying too. "Jordan, of course. You know that."
"Yeah, I do know that, but what is your whole name?"
"Jordan Davidson."
"And your middle name?"
"I don't have a middle name, just Jordan Davidson."
"My name is David James Coddington. Chalky's is David John White. Everyone has another name - a sort of hidden name that's only used on special occasions. You need a middle name. What's it going to be?"
"A hidden name? Okay, I'll be Jordan Carter Davidson."
"Yes!! Great! Jordan Carter Davidson, you owe me."
"Owe you? What for? I know I shouldn't have come in your window, but what do I owe you?"
"An eye for an eye, a life for a life. You killed Carter. You killed my friend. I hadn't known him very long, but he was the best friend I've ever had. You owe me a life, a love."
"Really?" His sad eyes lit up. "You really mean that, Davey?"
"Yes really. Love me Jordan."
"Oh, I do!" He beamed his glorious smile. "I love You, Davey, love me too."
"I love you, Jordan Carter. I love you totally!"
And we kissed. And kissed. And kissed. Jordan lay back amongst his pillows and I lay across and on top of him, face to face, mouth to mouth, heart to heart. Who knew that just kissing could be so erotic? I loved it. I loved him.
We lay together, kissing and cuddling and enjoying each other until John came banging on the door.
"Davey, are you in there? Your mum says that you have to go home for dinner."
('Damm!') "Thanks, John. I'm going! I have to go, Jordan. Wish I didn't, I'd rather be here with you."
"That's okay. You've gotta eat. You'd better go before she comes to get you, but come back later Come back and spend the night with me. Please?"
"Sleep with you, do you mean?"
"No. Well, yes - but after."
"After what? Are we going to have sex?"
A big, a huge grin spread across his beautiful face. "Oh, yes," he sighed. "About a million times!"
I kissed him.
"Author's" Note : That's it! I've got no more, sorry. There may be a sequel, one day, if I can. For now I want to get back to my on-going series "Westpoint Tales" which is hosted at It's Only Me From Across the Sea http://iomfats.org/storyshelf/hosted/kiwi/ if you'd like to check it out. (There's no Carters in there though.) Have a look at the real writers over there too.
ISWaK was just a side-track, a throw-away story. I was going to just delete it but thought to try it on Nifty while IOMFATS was on hiatus. I'm really glad that I did, the response has been overwhelming. Thanks Nifty, for hosting this. You do an incredible job.
I was going to post a complete list of the many nice people who have read & written, but I'm not - looks like boasting. (Plus, this way I don't miss anybody out - again.) Anyway, there have been over 100 emails. You know who you are - thanks Guys, (and Girls).
Cheers, david