The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show - Episode 6 "The Last Fuckin Show Ever?"
Written by: TVM (mrtvm@mrtvm.com)
Archive: http://www.asstr.org/~TheVertManArchive/Stories/Celeb/Jamie/Index.html
** Disclaimer: This story is purely fantasy and is based on the fictional life of real celebrities. The events portrayed in this series (although I wish) are not an accurate depiction of the star and or stars real lives. Any reposting or archiving without written permission is an infringement on the copyright of this series. So in other words You damn well better ask before you steal it.**
Starring: Jamie Lynn Spears & Alexa Nikolas
Guest Starring: Hayden Panettiere
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The logo for 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' rolled onto the screen and away again as the Tanned Princess appeared with her back to the camera in what looked to be her bedroom. Primping her hair in the mirror and most notably her cute little very tanned ass was on full display as she was only wearing a thong and bra at the moment. Fixing her hair one last time she turned and smiled brightly into the camera and said, "Hey kiddies, welcome to the show and I guess this will probably be the last episode of the year but we plan to make it the best one yet as Alexa, where ever she is, and me have invited Miss Thang Erin Sanders over to the crib for a little girl on girl threesome. MMMMMMMM."
"MMMMMM now that sounds like a plan for a great season finale" Summer commented from beside me.
"Soooo" Jamie Lynn said as she walked off and had the camera follow her (what a great view). Checking several rooms for Alexa and not finding her before she finally turned back to the camera and grinned nervously. "UMMMMMMMMM I have no idea where Alexa is, you guys seen her?"
"JAMIE!" Came the voice as Jamie Lynn's face lit up and she went bouncing out of the room, with the camera in pursuit. Finding Alexa on the porch outside, apparently just having gotten back from a meeting by the looks of her very proper looking attire. She seemed nervous Summer noted as Jamie kissed her on the lips. "Hey."
"Hey what's up?" Jamie Lynn asked. "Something's wrong?"
"I got a new job, my dream job"
"You got a new job?" Jamie Lynn asked excitedly as she hugged her and noticed that Alexa did not hug her back with the same passion.
"UMMMMM yeh" Alexa said.
"What's wrong?" Jamie Lynn asked.
"It's in Houston, Texas" Alexa said.
"So? I'll come with..."
"Nooo" Alexa said firmly. "I have to concentrate on this role and with you there it's just impossible, this is gonna be an intense psychological thriller which is gonna take everything in me to pull off."
"So because you're taking a job you don't think you can do I can't come and keep you company?"
"I didn't say I didn't think I could do it" Alexa fired back. "I said I can't afford the distraction."
"So you're what? Telling me to stay here while you go half way across the country for what five months?" Jamie Lynn asked. "You're gonna have some downtime and I can fly in for that at least...right?"
"Jamie this role pays a lot of money and if I nail it...well...I can get other roles that I really want to play" Alexa said. "This is bigger than being a TV porn star."
"Yeh I get that and I'm your girlfriend..."
"Nooooo you're not" Alexa said immediately as Jamie Lynn gave her a weird look. "You never asked me."
"God I'm such a blond" Jamie Lynn said as I giggled and she went on, "You wanna be my girlfriend?"
"If I said yes that means I'm saying no to the movie" Alexa said.
"No it doesn't" Jamie Lynn said. "It means you love me and I love you."
"This job is my dream job Jamie" Alex said.
"Why are you changing the subject?"
"Because I want too" Alexa said.
"You're acting like you've changed your mind about us" Jamie Lynn said.
"Jamie there was never really an us" Alexa said as Jamie gave her a disbelieving look. "There wasn't, there was me and you fighting, you begging me to forgive you for another one of your fuck ups..."
"Say it, say this is about Hayden" Jamie Lynn said as she went slowly from calm to angry.
"You said it not me" Alexa offered.
"How can this be about her? I made peace with her last week" Jamie Lynn said. "You remember the whole Dakota meeting on the beach?"
"Like that wasn't a disguised attempt to get back into Hayden's good graces by letting her little mini me fuck us?" Alexa asked. "I'm not stupid."
"Well apparently you are if you think that with Dakota had anything to do with Hayden" Jamie Lynn said as Alexa glared at her. "That was about me being hot for Dakota and you at the same time."
"It was about Hayden" Alexa said firmly. "Everything you do is about her."
"Where is all this coming from?" Jamie Lynn asked. Her heart literally feeling like it was beginning to break. "We've made so much progress in the last few weeks, you know that."
"This is all coming from the fact that...I want someone dedicated to me" Alexa said.
"I AM" Jamie Lynn screamed in sheer frustration. "I love you."
"Look, maybe if we give this thing some time to settle down and I can do this movie then maybe we can..." Alexa said as she shrugged. "...talk."
"About what? How you dumped me when things where just starting to go good?" Jamie Lynn asked. "And what about my show? It's a hit and it's because of you too. I just know it."
"Yeh there's a good argument for me staying around, your tv show" Alexa said. "Like you ain't got 10 sluts phone numbers already on your cell to call the minute I am out of the picture."
"I actually don't" Jamie Lynn said. "No one can replace you."
"Well they're gonna have too" Alexa said as Jamie Lynn covered her face with both hands and started to sob. Leaning back against the wall and then slumping to the floor as she cried harder. The camera pulling back and showing Alexa as she watched and obviously wanted to run to the girls side but this time she didn't as she fought back tears herself. A loud car horn blowing in the background as Alexa looked back nervously and then back to Jamie Lynn as she tried to decide what to do I thought. "That's my cab it's taking me to the airport."
"For what?" Jamie Lynn asked with tear stained cheeks.
"The job, my movie, I'm leaving for Houston" Alexa said as the horn blew again. "I'm sorry, I just think this is best Jamie."
"Fine, you broke my heart, is that what you wanted?" Jamie Lynn asked. "This your revenge for me getting you fired from Zoey 101?"
"I gotta go" Alexa said as she turned and walked off with that last stinging accusation still ringing in her ears.
"FINE GO" Jamie Lynn screamed.
"I'll call you..."
"FUCK YOU" Jamie Lynn screamed back. "You wanted me gone from your life. DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN."
"Ok" Alexa said as she too began to cry. The camera moving past Jamie Lynn on the floor and bouncing a bit until it reached the door and we saw just as Alexa climbed into the cab and moments later rode off, literally into the sunset.
The logo for 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' splashing onto the screen and taking us to a break. WOW was all I could say after that opening and I guess you could say that I was really looking forward to seeing the conclusion to this episode. Summer looked at me and I could tell she had shed a few tears as she had watched the last scene with mouth hanging open in surprise. The logo for 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' popped back on the screen and rolled away as we this time were back in the studio with Jamie Lynn sitting idly on the couch, center set and looking like she had lost her best friend.
"Jamie Lynn you're on" Doc said as Jamie Lynn looked up and the camera zommed in on her and showed the puffy/swollen eye lids that were no doubt a direct result of her break up with Alexa.
"Hey guys, UMMMMMMM I don't really know what to say honestly" Jamie Lynn said as she searched for words. "It's been a few days since me and the whore broke up. And..."
"And you still miss her" Doc commented. "Why don't you fly to houston and try and get her back?"
"Doc she left me" Jamie Lynn said. "Not the other way around. I'm not gonna beg someone to love me when they don't."
"I would" Doc said as Jamie Lynn shook her head. "Will you love me Jamie Lynn? We'd make a great couple."
"A couple of what?" Jamie Lynn asked with a smirk. "I don't feel like dating anyone right now. I'm just now getting used to her not being here and trust me that's killing me enough."
"So is this gonna be the last episode?" Doc asked. "You only had a contract for six, I mean you don't have to do anymore if you don't want too."
"Doc I have no idea" Jamie Lynn said.
"What about Hayden?" Doc asked. "You ever gonna make peace with her?"
"That's a good idea you headless Dick" Jamie Lynn said as her eyes opened with an idea bouncing off the inside of her head. "I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna prove Alexa wrong and I'm gonna make peace with Hayden and let her and Mackenzie be together without me trying to interfer."
"So you heard her folks, come on back after one last break and find out if Hayden beats Jamie Lynn's ass one more time" Doc said as Jamie Lynn looked into the camera and screamed, "FUCK YOU."
The logo for 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' appearing and folding away as we went to another break and 2 minutes and 30 seconds of mindless drivel as we waited. Another 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' logo roll ending the break as this time we were following Jamie Lynn as she rode in the front seat of a car and we rode in the back.
"This should be very interesting to say the least" Jamie Lynn commented to no one in particular. Stopping a moment later as the camera jostled and we exited the car and followed after Jamie Lynn as she walked stiffly and nervously up the steps of a beach house. Stopping and taking a deep breath before she knocked on the big glass double doors and waited. The door opening after a moment and Hayden appearing with her ear to a cell phone as she looked in shock at her surprise guest.
"Surprise" Jamie Lynn said as she held her arms up. Hayden didn't smile.
"I'll call you back ok?" Hayden asked into the phone before hanging up and looking intently at Jamie Lynn. "What are you doing here?"
"To apologize" Jamie Lynn said softly. "You and Mackenzie didn't deserve what I did to both of you and I've seen how wrong I was..."
"Yeh you were wrong and I said I was gonna kick your ass" Hayden said as she stepped onto the porch and glared at a now noticably scared Jamie Lynn. "You think I should?"
"How about you just break out your strap-on and take out your frustration on me that way?" Jamie Lynn asked. "Come on Hayden, I said I was sorry and I didn't do anything that bad."
"You fucked my little..."
"Jansen is a really good fuck too" Jamie Lynn said. "And he's got his own show so it's not like he's some innocent virgin."
"You were doing it to get back at me" Hayden said.
"I did it cause he's a hottie and I loved his cock" Jamie Lynn said. "And to get back at you, ok."
"That sucks" Hayden said.
"Dakota loves me I bet" Jamie Lynn said in a direct attempt to get Hayden's hormones flowing. "God that little girl can butt fuck."
"She should be able too I taught her how" Hayden said. "Look I'm not gonna fuck you so back off."
"Why?" Jamie Lynn asked as she raised her shirt a bit and showed Hayden her tanned stomach.
"NOOOOOOOO" Hayden screamed in her face. Then stopping for a moment and looking closely at Jamie Lynn's puffy, swollen eyes and asking, "You been crying?"
"Alexa broke up with me last week" Jamie Lynn said as she bit her lip and tried to fight back tears. "Guess I can't do anything right."
"If you would just stop being such a bitch, everyone would love you" Hayden said softly. "The only time me and you ever got along was in bed."
"My best quality?"
"Yeh it is but there's more to you" Hayden said. "So much more."
"Then why didn't you love me?" Jamie Lynn asked pointedly. The question seemingly given Hayden pause as she thought for a long moment before responding.
"Mackenzie" Hayden replied simply. "You knew the ground rules going in and you fell for me. It's not my fault."
"Ok fair enough, but say...Mackenzie was out of the picture" Jamie Lynn said. "Would I be your first choice?"
"No" Hayden said as Jamie Lynn looked frustrated beyond anything she'd ever felt.
"Kristen right?"
"Yeh because she makes an effort to actually deal with other people and not try to force her ideas on them" Hayden said. "The set was actually peaceful for the final few episodes."
"I heard" Jamie Lynn commented. A long silence following as both girls seemed to resort to the thoughts inside their own heads as the waves crashed into the surf off in the distance. "Sooo...Taboo offered me a second season."
"Seriously?"
"Uh huh, but with no Alexa it's up in the air" Jamie Lynn said. "I don't even know if I wanna do it."
"You should" Hayden said as she walked down the steps to the yard with Jamie Lynn following and bent over and picked up the garden hose and started spraying the roses to the right of the porch. "Cumming Out is probably ending too you know?"
"No way" Jamie Lynn said in surprise.
"Yeh me and Mac just think it's time to move on and do something new" Hayden said. "The show's really just ran it's course."
"That means I'd be the number show then?" Jamie Lynn asked with a huge smile crossing her face. "That would be so cool and it wouldn't even be something vindictive on my part. I mean...it doesn't feel like it's something I want. Bizarre."
"Pretty much, if you play nice with Mackenzie she might put in a good word for you" Hayden said, "But that's up to her."
"I'd fuck her brains out if she would" Jamie Lynn said with hands on hips. "You too Hay Hay."
"MMMMMMMM tanned princess" Hayden said as Jamie Lynn grinned and moved beside of her former co-host and stroked her fingers up and down Hayden's arm suggestively as both smiled. The next few moments seemed to take place in slow motion as Jamie Lynn leaned in slowly and kissed Hayden's cheek and then to my shock she kissed the girl softly on the lips for a long moment. "I'm sorry, really and truly sorry."
"It's ok, just water under the bridge now" Hayden said as she looked down at her water hose and up to Jamie Lynn with a devious smile crossing her face. Jamie Lynn backing away a couple of steps with a warning finger point as she said, "Don't you dare, I hate getting wet...OHMIGOD."
"What's wrong Jamie huh?" Hayden asked as she laughed and soaked the girl from head to toe before Jamie Lynn rushed her and successfully pinned the nozzle between them as both squealed in laughter and tumbled to the grass a moment later. The camera pulling back slowly to a wide shot and turning away from the twosome on the grass and showing the beach off in the distance for a long moment as a few little hotties with tans bounced around in the sand playing volleyball and passing a frisbee. The logo for 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' smashing onto the screen and the words appearing below it read simply: Executive Producer: Jamie Lynn Spears.