JC and the Actor, Chapter 27, Copyright 2004 ----------
The following story is entirely a work of fiction. It is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality or the personal lives of the members of NSYNC, or any other celebrities mentioned. If you are underage, or if it is illegal to read sexually explicit gay material where you live, don't read this.
Please continue to send your thoughts, comments and criticisms to mzbryan2003@yahoo.com
Chapter 27
"Ungh!" I moaned, grasping the headboard behind me. JC's face hovered over me, a look of concentration on his face so deep that I wondered if he knew I was still in the room. My knees hung over his shoulders as he quickened his thrusting, sending waves of pain and pleasure through me. JC's endowment was certainly admirable, but having its entire length inside me kept me both on the verge of cumming and of begging him to stop. Still, when he asked, the idea of taking him, all of him, feeling his warmth, was too irresistible not to act on.
Our history had pretty much proven that JC preferred being on the bottom, but that did not mean he was without skill on the other end. I was pretty sure JC had been with women in his lifetime, and he showed no insecurity as he brought his cock up to my hole, and started its journey inside. When I first felt his pubes brushing against my ass, I nearly bit through my lip, telling myself to relax, trying to convince myself that I was enjoying myself. I knew that I could have told him to stop at any time, but I wanted to give it a chance, remembering that I had enjoyed being fucked by him in the shower so many months ago. I had lost my erection in the beginning, which didn't seem to concern JC, as he just kept his arms locked on either side of me, silently starting to slide in and out of me.
This was how I had been spending the past few days of my Florida vacation. After that night when JC showed up at my hotel room, he showed up again the next night, then again, and then the night after that. He was pleasant enough, even funny at times, but mostly he just wanted to get down to business. Under the circumstances, I certainly wasn't going to deny any chance to be around him, in hopes of rekindling our romance, but there just weren't many opportunities for discussion.
Today was a bit different. Instead of arriving late at night, he showed up looking for me at the pool in the early afternoon. I was still trying to get some rest from the previous night when I saw him walking toward me and Maggie, signing a few autographs on the way.
"Can we talk?" he said, pulling off his sunglasses.
"Sure," I said, lifting myself to a seated position.
"Inside?" he asked, nodding hello to Maggie.
"Um, yeah," I said, looking for my shirt and flip-flops.
He followed me into my suite where I hoped we were going to perhaps finally discuss the state of our relationship. But just as I closed the door he was on me, kissing and pulling, with no intention of having a heart-to-heart. I thought to protest, but having this level of intimacy with him, once again, I didn't want to spoil it. I knew something was wrong, but I had begun to tell myself stories.
"Nate," he whispered, his face buried in my neck, his hands firmly grasping my ass. "Do you want to...I mean, can I..." I wasn't a rocket scientist, but I was able to determine what he was asking.
"Yes," I blurted perhaps a bit too quickly, feeling him press himself hard against me.
Now here I was, on my back, being drilled by the eleven-inch cock of one JC Chasez. My cock was hard as rock by this point, though JC didn't seem particularly interested in it, aside from shifting his eyes from my crunched abs where it lay, to his cock sliding in and out of me. All I could see was his chest heaving and reddening, his faint happy trail, against a tan flat stomach, making its way toward the huge cock inside me. I was sweating way more than usual, and I could feel droplets falling from my face and running down my chest as I gripped the headboard behind me tighter. My hole felt like it was on fire, and I was trying to decide if that was a good or bad thing. The balcony doors were open, offering plenty of sunshine and a light breeze that occasionally moved the silk curtains. If I knew that we were in love it would have been quite a magical experience, but once again I had no idea what we were.
"Nate," he panted. I could tell he was exhausting himself. "You're so hot." He groaned. "You're so fuckin' tight." I held onto the compliment. He wasn't exactly full of them these days.
"Josh, I..." I was going to tell him that I didn't know how much more I could take, but I told myself that he couldn't possibly last much longer himself. He was covered in sweat, and anyone who has seen him in concert knows he can sweat a lot. His face was turning red, and the muscles and veins in his neck bulged. I could feel his balls slapping against my ass, and inside me I could feel his large, bulbous head, and the slight curve of his cock as he tried to hit every spot he could. He pressed hard against my prostate and precum began dribbling out of my cock
"Fuck," he moaned, putting more of his weight on me, practically pinning my knees against my shoulders. He started licking the sweat off my chest and his arms slid under and up and down my back. "Oh Nate," he practically cried, tightening his grip as he jerked against me. I released my grip on the headboard and grabbed his smooth, muscular back, feeling him begin to orgasm inside me. He thrusted against me quickly, moaning in high-pitched tones as he came. He was cumming hard, which made me want to cum as well. I reached my hand down between us and started jerking my cock. As I felt his load pour deep inside me, I came as well, yelling out as my cum splashed between us, reaching all the way to our upper chests. JC kept moaning, whimpering, thrusting, his eyes closed tight and his grip around me even tighter. I had to admit, it was one hell of a fuck.
As our orgasms began to subside, I thought to myself how are our recent acts were supposed to be symbols of our commitment to each other, not just the convenience of being two healthy men. JC laid his head against my chest, and I listened to his breath begin to slow. I was trying to think of something to say, but was at a loss for words. I brought my hand to his hair and smoothed the dark, damp strands. Feeling my touch, I could feel him tense, and he started shifting, sliding out of me, forcing me to give a slight groan.
I didn't know how to play this. I didn't know what character to be. The whole situation felt a lot like when we first met, but we weren't those people anymore. It was almost like we had switched places. Before, I was making it clear to him that he shouldn't be getting attached, now it was the other way around.
JC sat up and padded his way to the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later, still naked, deflated, looking for his boxers. I pulled the white sheet up to my waist and just looked at him for a moment, watching him silently get dressed.
"Josh," I started, realizing someone had to say something.
"Yeah?" he asked, pulling on his t-shirt.
"Um, I have to leave at the end of the week to finish filming."
"I figured," he said, sounding pretty relaxed. "I guess it's been delayed long enough."
"Yeah," I said, forcing a smile. "I, um, well, it's just that, well, you know Bobby is going to be there." I could tell he was reacting but doing everything he could not to show it.
"So?" he said, fastening his watch and looking for his wallet.
"You don't care?" I asked, feeling like I was being dismissed.
"What's it to me?" he sighed, looking like he wasn't paying that much attention to what I was saying.
"Are you hearing me?" I asked, leaning forward. He turned to face me, placing his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.
"Nate, I thought I had made everything clear. It doesn't have anything to do with me."
"It doesn't?" I asked, realizing that all I was doing was asking questions. "What about all this?" I said, gesturing at the bed.
"I think you know what this is," he said, raising an eyebrow. I was overcome with a strange feeling. I should have been furious with what he had just said, but watching him stand there, looking cocky and self-assured, basking in his post-orgasm delight, I had to admit it. I thought it was hot.
"Are you coming tomorrow?" I asked, settling back against the headboard.
"Probably around noon again," he said, slipping into his sandals. I guess he had plans for the next two evenings.
"Fine," I said, turning my head to look out at the view from the balcony, acting like I didn't really care.
"Fine," I heard him say back, followed a bit later by the sound of the door closing. I found myself smiling. Then, I started to laugh. This whole situation was getting totally out of control. Somehow, after everything that we had been through, I had become JC Chasez's fuck buddy.
"You look like hell," Maggie said, casting dirty looks at the person behind her in line who seemed to make every effort to bump up against her every time we moved forward. I gave her a shocked look. "Well no," she said. "You know what I mean, you look tired."
"I haven't been getting much sleep."
"So how long are you to going to keep this up?"
"I don't know," I said. "Probably until one of us dies."
"I'm disappointed in you, Natty," she said, shaking her head.
"Maggie, that hurts," I responded.
"Is this what you want?" she asked. I realized she wasn't joking.
I thought for a moment. "No," I said. The man behind Maggie bumped into her again as we neared the entrance to the ride.
"Do you want to join me in these pants?" she yelled at him. He gave her a strange look and stepped backward. She shook her head again and turned to face me. "So why don't you stop it?" she asked me.
"I don't know. I guess I think this is better than nothing. I guess I think it will lead to something else."
"Natty, we came down here to shake things up, but things aren't shaking anymore. They're staying just like they are."
"He's so cute," I said, hoping she would agree that I just couldn't stop seeing him.
"And you love him," she said. "That's what has to be reciprocated."
"But how do I argue that? I mean, I'm the bad guy in this situation. I destroyed our trust; I made him question his feelings. How can I transfer that to him now?"
"If he can't trust you anymore, that's one thing, but he shouldn't be getting the benefits of a relationship without doing the work. That's all I'm saying."
It was true that I didn't know what JC was doing or thinking. He wouldn't talk to me. Maybe sleeping with someone wasn't as big a deal to him as I thought. Maybe he was fine with keeping things this casual. But if he had felt that way we never would have become a couple in the first place. If he had felt that way he could have forgiven me for having an affair.
I started to wonder just how much I knew about JC. While I felt like I understood him better than most people, the fact was I still didn't know that much about his background. I didn't know about his past relationships, I didn't know if he felt like a completely fulfilled person. In our time together, all of the drama was always focused on me and my life. While there usually is a star and a supporter in a relationship, maybe he wasn't as comfortable with the roles as I was. We hadn't even been together for that long, and were it not for my illness, maybe our emotions would never have become as intense as they did. Still, when I did get sick, he didn't leave my side for weeks.
My thoughts were no longer capable of ruining my mood. I was done being devastated by every sad or confusing thought I had. I was bound to have plenty of them as life moved along. Maggie and I enjoyed the rest of our day in the theme park, and it continued into the night with a fantastic meal and a moonlight swim. I told myself to take things as they came. If it was supposed to work out it would. I certainly had done all I could. I reminded myself that I was in an enviable position in my life, and that I shouldn't take it for granted. My problems would be luxuries to most people, and the realization of this improved my attitude. It also made me think that if I stayed on this course, I could potentially avoid becoming the next bad-boy in Hollywood.
"So we meet again," I laughed, opening the door for JC.
"Indeed," he laughed back. He was in a good mood. He was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt with jeans and sandals. The tension in his arms indicated that he had just finished working out. I thought to myself that it would be so much easier to consider my feelings for JC if I didn't always find myself getting an erection when he was around me.
"So what's with the afternoon visits?" I asked, trying to distract myself.
"I had a charity event last night, and another one tonight."
"Well, thanks for fitting me in," I smirked.
"No pun intended," he laughed, slipping off his shoes and climbing up on the couch. He used the remote to turn on the television and started flipping through the stations. "Motherfucker!" he yelled at the TV. Surprised by his emotional reaction, I looked at the screen to see that NSYNC's latest video had dropped down to number seven on the countdown.
"You track how well your video is doing?" I asked, kind of wondering if it was inappropriate to laugh.
"Lance told me about this," JC said, very annoyed. "We're losing our stuff. We messed up the tour and now we're not doing enough publicity."
I sat down next to him, but on a separate cushion. "I, um, hadn't even realized you guys made a new video."
"See, that's what I mean," he said, gesturing for me to look at the screen. "It's a piece of shit. We just threw it together last month so that we would have something on TV while we took our break." I knew that I was the reason all of this had happened, but I noticed that JC never even tried to hint at that.
"It can't be that bad," I said, turning my attention to the screen. It was their new ballad, but it had a home-video look to it. Some could have thought of it as a bit avant-garde, but for NSYNC, I knew it needed to be a glossier look with a higher production value. "Can't you guys make another one?" I suggested.
"That would mean admitting that this one sucked," he said. I realized we were having an actual conversation and it kind of thrilled me.
"Well, yeah, but the fact of the matter is that if you make a great video, then that's what will be playing for the next few months, and that's what people will remember." I thought for a moment. "You could maybe even tell people that you guys didn't have the time because of personal problems. People eat honesty up like candy."
"Oh my God," he said, sitting up and staring at me. "You. You should be in the video."
"What?" I gasped. "Why?" I could see the wheels in his mind spinning.
"Everyone knows about your relationship with the band," he began. "Everyone knows about your illness. It would be a perfect way to tie everything together." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I couldn't deny that people would be extremely interested in the video given the controversy between Justin and me and the suggestion of a relationship between JC and me. But I didn't know if JC, the band, or I was ready to head in that direction. I was also thinking of the ramifications of having my first mass exposure to the public be in the form of an NSYNC music video. I mean, I was a serious actor for God's sake.
"Josh, I don't know. It could backfire." I saw a little hope die in his eyes and I realized that I was in a position to help JC in a way he really needed. I told myself to agree at any costs.
"Oh wait," he sighed. "We can't. You don't want your first appearance to be in a stupid video." I was shocked that he cared.
"Josh, you care?" I blurted out, wishing I hadn't.
He looked at me and twisted his eyebrows. "Of course I care," he said. "I don't want you to do anything to hurt your career. We'll have to come up with something else."
"Unless," I began, a thought forming in my mind as I spoke. "Unless we make the song part of the movie soundtrack! Wait. This could work."
"But Nate, your movie is serious and our music is, well,"
"Oh come on," I said, pushing his shoulder. "It doesn't have to be the theme song. They could probably put it in the background to the first scene in the movie when my girlfriend breaks up with me." I saw him smile when I referenced a girlfriend and I rolled my eyes at him. This was starting to feel like old times.
"I guess if that was the case, the video would be more like a big preview, so it wouldn't undermine you in the film."
"I have to call Allen," I said, looking around for my phone.
"Not so fast," JC said, pulling me back down onto the couch and maneuvering himself on top of me. "It can wait for a few minutes." He leaned down and kissed me. Something felt different about it, though I could tell he probably didn't want me to think so. His kisses were a little more full, a little more romantic than forceful. I giggled underneath him and kissed him back hungrily. "Tell him you love him," a little voice inside told me. The words would have been easy for me to say, but I was more interested in hearing them come from him.
I pulled his shirt off of him, exposing his taught, slightly hairy chest. I reached down and he helped me pull my own t-shirt off, our chests crashing together afterward.
"It didn't take you long to get back into shape, did it?" he smiled at me, running his hand up and down my hard abs and kissing my chest.
"You've obviously been doing a few extra reps yourself," I laughed back, sliding my hands across his smooth, tan shoulders. His hand slid into my shorts and he started rubbing my already hard dick. I decided to help him out by unbuttoning my shorts and moving them down my legs. He pulled my shorts completely off and spread my legs wide, rubbing his entire body against me. He looked very sexy on top of me, his bare chest and a pair of jeans, but I wanted to see more skin. I moved to his fly and he took over, undoing his pants and shucking them down to his ankles before sliding back up me until our lips touched once again. I could feel his cock sliding against my own and silently prayed that he didn't want to put it inside me again. He was lucky I could still walk after our experience the day before.
I grasped his buttocks and began to roll them together, forcing soft sighs out of JC as he could feel his hole slightly being moved around. JC's hand moved behind him and grasped my own. He slid my hand toward his crack and pushed my index finger toward his hole, causing me to give a sigh of relief. The bottom boy had returned. I circled his smooth hole with my finger, feeling it expand and contract, feeling the sparse hairs around it.
We began to slowly slide our bodies against each other, dry-humping if you will, enjoying the feel of one another. There was a bit more giggling and a bit more playfulness, and I took it all as a good sign. I pushed my finger inside him, up to the first knuckle, and he moaned, pressing his lips harder against my own. My other hand was taking turns rubbing his cock and playing with his balls. "I want to suck you," I moaned. He smiled at me and began sliding toward me, his cock leaving a sticky trail all the way up my body until he was hanging over the edge of the couch, his cock trying to find its way into my mouth.
"Oh yeah," he moaned, hovering above me, his arms locked on the arm to the couch as his cock slid into my mouth. My hand were now grasping his strong thighs, urging him deeper into my mouth, savoring his salty precum. I removed his cock and replaced it with his balls, sucking them lightly, rubbing my face against them and his cock.
"Play with my ass, Nate," he pleaded. I brought my fingers to his mouth and he sucked them eagerly. I brought my wet hand down to his hole and started pressing. Two fingers were working inside him while his cock slid up and down my throat. He was in total ecstasy, his head thrown back, enjoying it on both sides. I was in quite a comfortable position and could probably have kept going for a long time, but his urgency was quickly becoming apparent.
"Nate," he asked with great need. "Where's the lube?"
"By the nightstand," I said, trying to guide his cock back into my mouth. He looked toward the bed as though it was a million miles away. Then he twisted around to look at my cock, hard as a rock against my stomach. Arriving at some sort of a quick decision he flipped around and attacked my cock with his mouth, moaning and licking around it, jacking it with his hand, forcing more and more precum out of it. His ass bounced up and down in front of my face and I continued to play with it as he soaked my pole.
After my cock was well lubed with my own precum, he spun back around, straddling me, smiling as he pressed my cock against his hole. Hearing JC giving out a loud grunt, I felt the head of my cock pop in him, and then he began sliding down it until he was seated on my pelvis. He was as tight as the day we met, and he began to ride me like I was a bucking bronco. When JC decided he wanted to cum, he did it with gusto.
"Oh Josh," I cried, my cock responding to his frenetic pace. His hands grabbed at my pecs and pinched at my nipples. My right hand wrapped around his cock and jerked him hard.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah," he moaned, smiling at me, releasing his load all over my stomach. My knees jerked upward and I came as well, crying out his name, pulling him down to me so I could kiss him. Long after our orgasms had ended, we were still making out. I was holding him a bit tighter than usual, knowing that he might leave again at any second.
Just when I felt him start to pull away, my cell phone began to ring. "Shit," I groaned, trying to get up. JC grimaced as I tried to pull out of him. I realized that cum was not a good choice of lubricant. "Sorry," I said, easing out of him, using my hand to free myself. I found my phone and saw that it was Allen calling. "Oh my God," I said, showing JC the face of my phone. "It must be luck."
"Allen," I said into the phone.
"Do you really think you should be partying in Florida right before filming?" Allen joked.
"Listen Allen, I want to run something by you."
"In a second," he said. "I want you to go see the new Keanu Reeves movie immediately."
"Keanu Reeves?" I said into the phone, seeing JC react a little to the famous name. "Why?"
I don't want to tell you, but just go before you hear from anybody else, ok?" I wasn't a Keanu Reeves fan by any means, and under the circumstances, didn't really feel like going to a movie, but I told him that I would.
"Fine," I said, "but I wanted to talk to you about getting a song on the soundtrack to the movie." Josh stirred on the couch.
"You're not a producer, Nate," Allen said. I explained to him what the song was and where I thought it could go in the film. I also suggested what good publicity it could be for the film.
"Well, I'll call Ridgecliff about it, but I can't promised anything," Allen said. I told him that I understood, but that I really wanted him to try and sell it.
"Just remind Larry that he wants to make as much money as possible," thinking that Larry would probably consider gaining a larger audience through a connection with NSYNC. I hung up the phone and shrugged my shoulders at JC, who was on his way to the bathroom. "We'll see," I said.
"Cool," he said.
"Are you taking a shower?" I asked him, remembering that we had just had quite a workout.
"Um, yeah" he said. "Is that ok?"
"Of course," I said, walking toward him. "It's just that I have to get going. Do, um, do you mind if I join you?"
He looked at me for a moment and then gave me a slight grin. "It's nothing we haven't done before," he said, walking into the bathroom. I smiled to myself and followed him in.
"So," I began, picking up the shampoo bottle. "Allen told me that I have to go see the new Keanu Reeves movie."
"Not my type," JC said, adjusting the water temperature. He looked really good wet.
"Me either," I said. "But I told him I would." I looked up at him. "I don't suppose you want to come with me?" I asked, feeling like an idiot for sounding so meek.
"What time is it?" JC asked.
"Probably around two," I said.
"Hmm," he sighed, looking down. "I guess I have the time. We could go over to Pleasure Island to see it."
"Sure," I said. "Wherever." I realized I was doing what JC used to do with me when we had first met. I was trying to pretend that we were going on a date. While I was thrilled that I was able to get him to go this far, part of me didn't like it at all.
We finished showering and headed to the theater in JC's SUV. It was pretty early for a movie, so we didn't run into that many fans, though there definitely were some. What was interesting to see as the months went by was that more and more people were starting to recognize me, and today, it was the two of us who had to sit there signing autographs. "You think you're hot shit, don't you?" JC laughed at me.
"Is this movie doing well?" I asked him, noting that not many people were in the theater.
"He couldn't have told you to go see the new Brad Pitt film?" JC responded.
We sat down just as the room began to darken and I wondered how I was supposed to deal with sitting next to the man I loved for the next two hours, knowing that he didn't feel the same.
"Why do you think you have to watch this?" he said. "Do you think someone from the new movie you're going to do is in it?"
"I don't really know," I said. The previews began...a new Hugh Grant movie, a comedy with Steve Martin, a drama with Nicole Kidman. For the next preview the screen went black and the voice over stated that: "Every man has a cause. Every man has a breaking point. This summer, we invite you to take the journey with one of them." My eyes nearly popped out of my head as my face drifted across the screen in huge close-up.
"Fuck," was all I could say. A succession of action scenes from my film followed, set to pounding, dramatic music. "A film by Larry Ridgecliff. Introducing Nathaniel Murray," the voice over stated near the end of the trailer. The screen went black and the word "May" appeared. My hands were covering my mouth in shock. Seeing yourself on a giant screen for the first time was most certainly a dramatic moment. I didn't know that the studio was already launching its advertising campaign. I mean, the film wasn't even finished yet. I forced myself to turn to JC, who seemed to be looking at the screen in shock as well.
"Wow," he said, his jaw dropping.
"Josh," I practically screamed, involuntarily grasping his hand with mine. The movement caused him to tense and I could see his mind begin to race.
"Congratulations," he said, gently pulling his hand back. I didn't want to reveal how hurt I was by his action, so I just turned back to the screen. I wondered if he knew that he ruined an incredible moment in my life, and I had to wonder if that was his intention.
We sat there quietly and watched the movie, realizing that we didn't actually have to stay for the film, but both of us seemed afraid to suggest leaving. To this day I have no recollection of what the movie was about, my mind was such a mess with excitement and despair.
"Shit," JC said when the film ended. "I left my phone at the hotel."
"Ok," I said. "Well, you can come and get it." He seemed to be acting a bit strangely again and I wondered what the reason for his behavior was now. I also for the first time realized that I was growing tired of all of this. I checked my messages on the way back to the hotel and one of them was Allen telling me that the studio seemed interested in the idea and that they would be contacting NSYNC's management.
"Awesome," JC said. "Thanks Nate, I think the guys will really appreciate it." Thanks. Was this what I was being reduced to? A buddy who did a nice favor? I still didn't know what the ramifications of appearing in a video would be for me, but I was willing to do it for him, only for him.
Back in my hotel room, JC found his phone, and then stood there, looking like he didn't know what to do with himself. Something had to be done. There was a voice in my head telling me that I was making an ass of myself and I at first thought it was Maggie's, but then realized it was my own.
"Josh," I began after a few painful moments of silence. "I, um, I'm not going to do this anymore." He looked up at me, a little shocked at my forwardness.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean, this, whatever this is that we are doing, is over."
"Why?"
"Because I'm starting to feel a bit like a whore." The words were coming out without any pre-planning, but as I said them I saw that they were the truth.
He gave a fake laugh. "I figured you would like that," he said. I could tell almost immediately that he didn't mean for it to sound as harsh as it did, but it didn't look like he was going to apologize either.
I thought for a moment, wondering how two people so in love could get to this point. "Oh my God," I said suddenly, achieving a full realization. I looked up at him. "You're punishing me."
"What?" he said, twisting his eyebrows together.
"This is some kind of revenge you're getting. Screwing around with me knowing that I want more, knowing that I'm left feeling empty and alone when you leave." I raised my hand to my forehead and said almost to myself, "How could I not have realized it sooner?" The reality was that I probably didn't want to. I glared at him. "How can you be so cruel?"
"Me?" he snapped back. "You're trying to say I've done something wrong?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying," I said confidently. "Josh, I love you, but I'd kill myself before I'd ever let myself be used by somebody for some little game. Even if it is you."
"So what are you saying?" he said, trying to act bored with the conversation.
"I'm saying it's over." His eyes widened. He obviously didn't think that I was capable of playing this card. "You've taken my feelings for you and used them to your own advantage while you try to decide what it is that you want. I cheated on you, but I never used you. And I'm not going to spend the rest of my life paying for it."
"You make it all sound so simple," he said.
"No. Not at all. What I did was a huge deal. But what else can I do but apologize and promise to never do it again? If that's not enough for you, then it's true that we just aren't meant to be together."
"I guess we're not," he said.
"Fine," I said, crossing my arms. I wasn't horrified at the idea of breaking up with him. I felt proud and confident.
"So this is it, then?" he said.
"I'm done," I said. "I want to be with you, but I'm done working for it. If you want out, fine. If you don't, that's fine too, but you're going to have to get me back this time. I'm tired." JC stood there, contemplating my ultimatum.
"I can't decide right now, I just don't know," he said. I appreciated his honesty.
"Josh, take all the time you need. I'll be here, but I'm not going to help you make the choice anymore. You're all grown up and I'm getting too hurt."
"I, um, I guess I should go," he said.
"I guess you should." We were both suddenly extremely calm about the whole thing. I had laid it all out and told him that it was his choice. What more could I realistically do without losing all of my self-respect? I told him not to worry about the video, that if it worked out I would gladly do it. We said simple good-byes to each other and once again he was gone. I wanted and hoped that he would come back, but I now knew that he had to feel the same way.
To be continued