Chapter 2 Maxieplus Donations gratefully accepted at Nifty.
Mum and dad were there along with my younger brother Jimmy. I kissed him on the head; because I know he hates it. Then hugged my mum and dad; it's been a while since I had seen them all. I sat myself down and tried to listen to each of them updating me on what's been happening in their lives.
"Have you looked for office space yet son?" My dad was asking.
"Not yet dad, please give me a month or so I still got to get to the bank for that loan." I smiled.
"Its okay son, that loan is still sitting there waiting for you." He grinned back. As I said he was funding my little enterprise and was keen for me to start so I can take over his investment portfolio fully. I had been doing some of them part-time but he wanted it all off his desk at home so he's been pushing me to go for it, I think dad wants to fully retire and the sooner the better, I don't blame him that heart attack scared us all.
"Dad I will start looking this week okay?"
"Make sure you do son this is taking ages to get off the ground."
"So how's my favorite brother doing?" I looked at my little brother.
"Good bro it looks like I can join your Company in a few month's time. My grades are great I might be able to graduate earlier but will let you know." Jimmy beamed at me.
"Oh, and what makes you think I need another pen pusher?" I chuckled.
"Because you're my favorite brother and my dad's funding your venture." He smirked back.
"I'm your only brother and hopefully under a year I can pay 'your' dad out then I can sack you."
"You wouldn't dare I know too much about you."
"Oh I forgot about that, welcome to the company bro make yourself a salad roll." I passed one over to him, mum snatched it up and started to put salad and cold meat into it.
"Stop teasing him Heath you know he can't make his own lunch to save his life." Mum chuckled at my brother's shocked face. I laughed at my mum still treating my twenty-one-year-old brother like a five-year-old. He winked at me and whispered.
"I'm her favorite son." I knuckled his head.
The park was a bit busy today but there were still plenty of empty picnic tables mainly Indian or Sri Lankan type people here maybe there's a festival on or something. I have noticed a lot of them do love the parks and judging from the laughter coming from a nearby table they were having loads of fun.
My mum who is a hippy at heart started humming along to their music then dancing from side to side, dad joined her and then I noticed some of the younger ones in the crowd started dancing Bollywood style. I said to Jimmy.
"Let us join in bro."
"Fuck off idiot I can't dance."
"I'll show you."
"As if." He laughed because he knows I can't dance either.
Someone caught my eye, he was fucking gorgeous his dark skin made his white teeth and eyes glow I guessed he was no older than eighteen, maybe twenty but his dance moves were perfect. His ass was awesome and his legs had a fair amount of hair on them. He wiggled that ass around the crowd he was even getting it pinched so I wasn't the only one that thought it was awesome. I could feel myself barring up.
"Do you like him, Heath." I heard Jim say.
"He's hot stuff bro."
I watched for a further five minutes and then it all stopped someone bought out a guitar and started playing it.
I ate a roll and had a beer then thought I would hit the toilet. I walked over behind the bushes to no more than a tin shed with four stalls and urinals. I took the end one pulling my zipper down and beginning my piss then I heard the next cubical being used. After a few minutes, I shook the drips off my plumped up dick that's when I noticed the fingers coming through the glory hole. What the hell, why not. So I pushed my dick through and someone was giving me the blowjob I so needed. He played with my nuts while he sucked all my juices out I think he swallowed I was in too much rapture to notice. I pulled my dick out and wiped it with a tissue then dumped it back into my shorts and I left.
"You were a long time bro, did he have a big cock?"
"Who stupid?"
"The bloke that followed you into the dunny, that's who."
"What bloke?"
"That one that's just coming out of the bushes." He pointed over to a young guy. It was my dancer, trust me if I had of known I would have bashed his door down and ravished him, but he did have a soft warm mouth.
Two weeks passed and no sign of Joe anywhere. I thought about the kid he had been holding and I thought about Joe often; well every moment of every day. I was starting to worry about him and so wanted him to walk in that bar room one night. My sex life had dropped to zero because I was busy organizing paperwork for the big opening of the office. On the nights Joe used to come there I made sure I was free. Going to the bar and sitting there waiting for him, I didn't have more than one drink and I didn't pick up either. My friendly barman had told me Joe hadn't been seen for a few weeks.
I thought he might have found someone else and kicked myself constantly for being so cocky. It finally got to the stage after three weeks I thought I would bite the bullet and knock on his front door. I didn't care if a stranger answered it I had to know what happened to him. Before I even got into the building I noticed the flat to let sign out the front with flat four pasted across it - he had moved. My heart fell and surprisingly my tears were at the ready. I even tried to look in his letterbox to see if I could find out his last name but the padlock was fastened tight. I'm sure he told me but at the time I didn't take much notice and I'm terrible with names.
I had started looking for office space and found a fairly spacious one in the nearby suburb of Moorabbin. It consisted of five small rooms, that's about all I need for a start. I signed the contract for six months with an option of six more. When I got the go-ahead I started moving paperwork and computers into the biggest room. Jimmy will take over one of the smaller rooms. He keeps telling me I need a great accountant to look after the everyday tax returns, but for now, Harry and I will share it until Jim graduates. He and I went to a secondhand office furniture place and bought desks and chairs plus some odds and ends. We were trying to do it on the cheap less money to repay dad.
I had given my notice in at the warehouse they were okay about it anyone could do that job, and when I told them what I was doing they said when I'm established they wanted to talk to me. I got along well with the owners and judging by the orders going through the warehouse they were doing great guns. I think Pat had put in a good word for me; so she should after all the work I fixed up for her and she and I had already talked extensively about my business.
I set about getting Harry settled as soon as possible, our initial client's were small to start with, but by the fast way dad was recommending us it won't be long before it's going to grow rapidly. Dad had kept a few big personal accounts to do in his retirement they were no small change either. I had sat with him at home for days until I felt comfortable enough to load them on our database.
With Harry it was always a given he would work for me he's a great guy we knocked about a bit at Uni he was always just Harry my straight mate, we didn't have time to screw around much and didn't see each other much socially, just two different worlds but we had become great mates by the time University was finished.
I always wanted to be a corporate accountant I thought about Law but it would take me years to do that, and I always had my father to fall back on. So it took us a month almost to do all this because we got quite busy with everyday people walking in off the streets, and we hadn't even started to advertise our services, just an A-frame board out the front with Tax consultants written on it. We were getting a lot of older people coming in and wanting us to do a projection of their retirement money, it was hard to do because we hadn't even got to that stage yet, there was one vital piece of my company missing; in my life and at work, Joe, why the bloody hell didn't I talk to him about joining us, maybe I assumed too much, maybe he's happy with his new lover.
"We need to pilfer a Stockbroker as soon as possible Heath, we can't function properly without one it's not my thing and I don't think its much yours either." Harry reminded me.
"I have someone in mind Harry I have to find time to go there this afternoon and see if I can find him, let's hope he can help out but it's been a while since we have caught up." I had no idea what Joe's surname was. I thought if I could get onto the floor of the Stock exchange I could pick him out, bugger me why didn't I ask him questions what the hell do I do apart from stalking him at closing time. I can't watch everyone that comes out of the building, I will be arrested or something like that for stalking.
I had been to the exchange several times over the past few months, but I just couldn't find him. He had disappeared completely from my life. But I have to keep trying; I need him.
"Harry do you know anyone that works at the stock exchange?"
"Only a couple of pen pushers Heath, but they get around the floor why what's up?"
"Can you get onto them and ask them if they know a Stock Broker that works in the building called Joe?"
"Joe who?"
"Just Joe I don't know his surname but there wouldn't be too many Joe's working there, in the meantime, I am going to see if I can find him in there, or coming out of the building at the close of day."
"Isn't that like stalking." He smiled, I felt guilty.
"There's a coffee shop across the road I can sit there for an hour or so," I said hopefully, I had done that before too but no sign of him, but that didn't stop me trying again at least.
I did exactly what I had done before I went to the Stock exchange. The public is allowed to go onto the floor but after asking half a dozen traders if they know Joe and getting negative answers again I thought my better option today would be the Café. I sat at the coffee shop for three hours but I didn't see Joe at all. The waiter and I had got friendly and he asked me if I had been stood up I answered.
"Something like that mate."
"Well, your welcome to sit here all night if you wish." I didn't think he was being sarcastic but I sat for another ten minutes then left leaving him a large thank you tip.
Harry had got onto his mates but there is no one working there called Joe they did recommend a young gun called Mark Stanton who needed the work and office space urgently for some reason or other. They told Harry he was destined for big things but had disappeared from the floor some time ago. Harry passed his number to me and my heart sank, we really needed to get this done maybe this guy knows my Joe.
I had to make a decision immediately so with a heavy heart I passed the number back to Harry and said.
"Call him now mate, get him in here for an interview as soon as possible, and better get him to forward his resume to us ahead of time." I did something so unlike me, I went into the toilets and almost cried, the sheer frustration I felt made me do that and the fact that I missed Joe didn't help.
It took me ages to pull myself together my emotions were all over the place and by now I was obsessed with my Joe and even more frustrated at my attempts to find him.
I thought about a notice in the local newspaper but didn't go ahead with it, in the end, it felt too tacky.
As my day got busier I jumped from one computer screen to another my desk looked like a bomb had hit it. I was busy and I loved every crazy moment of it, this is what I have always wanted to do. My nights were filled with Joe's image he was always in my dreams and I would wake in the morning feeling depressed and so alone.
"Heath I have set up a meeting with Mark Stanton his resume looks awesome and he's needing the office space and the work. He took time off from the exchange, family problems; which is mainly all sorted out now. He's back on board and up to date with the market and rearing to go again apparently, he also has quite a few big accounts to bring with him." My heart dropped again he sounded perfect but he wasn't my Joe.
"When do we get to meet him Harry." I relented my shoulders sagging in the process.
"Tomorrow morning I will be in a little late so can you start the interview and just give me a nod yes or no when I get here, but please nod in the affirmative, good or mediocre we really need him but he does sound perfect?"
"Yes no problem can I read his resume before the interview?"
"Sure buddy." He searched his computer for the email and sent it to mine, I spent a few moments reading it and couldn't see any problems he did sound perfect.
That night I called into mums just on dinnertime; which was convenient. I had a long talk to dad and he put my mind at ease when he said.
"Heath a good stockbroker is a gold mine for the business give him what he's asking for. Don't beat around the bush make an instant decision, that's always worked for me in the past, this contract doesn't look too unreasonable. Anyway, he should be getting more but we can revisit his contract in three month's time when he's up and running, just get him on board asap." My dad always the positive Lawyer doesn't mince with his words as he handed Marks resume and contract back to me.
We had a great night I didn't miss the bar at all because I was now doing what I loved the best, and of course, there was so much to do. I even suggested dropping all the small accounts and just flying with the bigger ones, but dad again put a stop to that idea.
"Little accounts sometimes end up being big one's overnight son, so don't let them get away so easily they are your bread and butter the bigger ones are your Jam and Cream." He smiled, I was hungry again.
At home that night I stripped off and crawled into bed, my hand snaked around my dick and once more I thought of Joe.
I wanted to get into work early and get all the emails and fax's out of the way I knew it was going to be a heavy day. Dad had passed me one of his last and biggest accounts and I needed to do this right. They were old friends of mum and dads he had written some computer program's that brought in millions each year and it will take all my brain power to get my headspace into it all. I wanted complete quiet when I moved it onto our database so there would be no mistakes but first clear the decks, interview Mr. Stanton, lock my office door and just do it.
Dad, of course, wasn't worried he knew I could cope, this account needed a stockbroker to take over the investment side of things which was the bulk of it, so I had better hire Mark even if it's for a three-month trial we need him. My Joe will have to wait I will keep searching and I had decided a private detective would come in handy with my quest. I had made up a folder on Joe, everything I remember about him and had even got a sidewalk artist to sketch a picture of him as I described his face it looked like him in the end, but his image was fading from my memory so maybe it's nothing like him.
The shower started next door so that was my cue to get up and get my day started. I went and put the coffee on then hit the bathroom. I dressed in a suit and tie my hair now neat and tidy having had it cut short a few weeks ago. I come up good but I really didn't know why I had to go to so much trouble the only clients we actually saw were retirees and of course tax return clients wanting to use our services. Maybe in the future, I can get in a couple of extra tax consultants to look after the public then I can get back to being casual me, oh I forgot that's what Jimmy's job will be.
At work, I switched on my computer then I did the same with Harrys, made coffee and tinkered waiting for Mark to turn up for his interview.
When he walked into reception I could have kissed the ground, he looked so fucking beautiful in his suit I nearly fainted at the pure joy I felt. I couldn't believe my eyes when his met mine I just melted, words were unsaid for a long few moments.
"Joe?" I almost shouted then moved out to reception to hold him in my arms once again.
"Heath! what are you doing here?" He looked shocked and held his arms up to shield me away. I stopped my momentum towards him my heart was racing he was so gorgeous my tears nearly arrived at the pure joy of seeing him again.
"What are you doing here Joe, where the hell have you been, I've been so bloody worried about you?"
"Mark." He replied.
"What?"
"My name is Mark Stanton and I'm here about a job, what are you doing here?" He had been thrown off his game.
"Mark, but your name is Joe, what the hell's going on here?" I was confused.
"My real name is Mark Stanton Heath, but just for a moment in time I changed it to Joe because at that time in my life I wanted to be just a Joe for a while."
He looked embarrassed and upset now as things sort of calmed down a little bit.
I stared at him for ages and just wanted to take him into my arms, just to touch him again and I so wanted to kiss his beautiful lips, he smelt so bloody familiar.
"Heath, you still haven't answered me, what are you doing here?"
I snapped out of it and held my hand out at the very least I could touch him again.
"Heath Stone General manager of Stone Investments." He shook my hand then shook his head he let go of me and looked disappointed and quietly said.
"I never knew your last name, you never told me."
"I didn't? I'm sure I must have Joe surely I must have." I whispered back to him.
"No, you didn't I would have remembered it." His eyes glistened.
"Joe I am so sorry there's a lot of things I should have told you, and I so regret that I didn't." My insides were in knots I looked into his eyes and remembered how beautiful they were and still are.
I pointed to the chair and asked him if he wanted coffee, he declined both then started looking at the door. It was as if a cool icy breeze had entered the room when he said.
"Well Heath it's been good to see you again I have to be going." He started to move, his head lowered.
"Joe please don't go anywhere I need to talk to you, what happened to you, I've been looking for you everywhere?" I pleaded.
"Nothing happened to me Heath and there's nothing to talk about either. I won't take the job but I will recommend another workmate to Harry I can leave his number." He didn't look at me so I quickly walked over and closed the door before he started for it, then I held his broad shoulders so wanting to hold him again, and steered him to the sofa.
"Please sit down Joe, what happened, and why Joe? why didn't you tell me you were leaving your home, and work. I've been looking for you everywhere your flats vacant there's no one working the floor at the Stock exchange called Joe what in Gods sake happened to you, I've been going out of my mind with worry?"
"I can't talk about it to you Heath, you're the last person I should be talking to at the moment. All I can say is I went back to where I belonged and where I was needed I'm happy now, end of story." He tried to smile.
"Where are you back to, what happened to you for fuck's sake tell me? I went to the stock exchange and even sat at the café across the road for hours looking for you, several times, your flat was empty you disappeared on me. What was that all about Joe you have to tell me, is there someone else?" I needed answers and there is no way he's getting out of this office without some sort of story.
He looked me in the eye and I saw them glistening. My gut was in tight knots I wanted to hold him so much but I went on I need more answers.
"Joe please you have to tell me what's happening, I've missed you so much and I have worried about you every bloody day, was it something I said, did I do something wrong, tell me, Joe, before I go completely crazy."
His tears began running down his face.
"You missed me?" His head slowly moved up and his bright green eyes met mine.
"Of course I have missed you, every day I missed you every day and every night I think about you. How could I not miss you, Joe? I was about to call a private detective in to find you. I only go to the bar now in case you turn up but I don't stay long anymore because you're not there; what happened?" I was desperate to know and on the verge of crying myself at that moment.
He took his time and looked like he was struggling with something. Then I heard the words I never thought I would hear from my Joe.
"There was someone else Heath."
"No! Joe that's impossible I would have known."
"I'm married, Heath."
"What the? who to, no, Joe your mine what the hells going on your married to who?" I pleaded with him again.
"Heath I am married to a woman; we have a son called Caleb he's nearly three years old."
"No way." I was a bit loud and was gobsmacked I slumped, this is not right he never told me he was married I should have known that.
"You going to listen to me or shout at me?" He wiped his eyes.
I shut up my teeth snapped closed, my insides in a mess.
"I married Mandy a bit over three years ago mainly because she was pregnant and mainly because it suited us. We didn't love each other but we were very good mates and we loved Caleb so we stayed together for his sake. I couldn't cope with the lie any more Heath, all I ever wanted was to be loved, and yes I knew I was maybe gay before we were married."
"Bloody hell." I felt like I was doing a sad movie scene.
"Mandy also knew that I liked men, and she encouraged me to move into her father's vacant apartment and live a little for a few months. She and Caleb would be fine as long as I went over a few nights a week and had him on some weekends. She also encouraged me to go to gay bars and she was okay with it. I didn't want to, but when I met you I sort of gave in because you were a dream come true for me. It got to the stage where I was focused on you only. I never slept with any other guys before but I knew you were the one for me." His eyes looked downwards his face went red.
"What, why didn't you tell me all of this we could have worked something out Joe, I have missed you so much."
"Let me finish Heath then I will get out of your life again because I don't think you will like me too much after I tell you." He looked sad.
"Mandy got very sick several months ago with aggressive cancer, that was when she encouraged me to go and find a life partner, someone that I loved and who loved me. She never told me she was terminally ill she never looked sick I had no idea she was trying to help me find a family for our son and me. Then when I met you she was happy and I was happy I would have walked over hot coals for you Heath at that time. I was new I didn't know what to do but I really trusted you." He wiped his eyes again.
"She got worse over those few months I was away from the house, and when I found out how bad her illness was I couldn't let her go it alone Heath, she had given me so much. So I gave up my office at the exchange and worked from home that freed me to look after her and Caleb. I knew by this time you didn't love me not the way I had loved you, and not the way I thought you would. I gave up my search for happiness and adventure into the wild side and went back home where I belonged." Tears were now again running down his perfect face I just so wanted to hold him.
"Oh Joe what have I done, this is all so wrong, of course, I liked you, I liked you a hell of a lot, even loved you." I tried to tell him I was on his side; he was so upset I don't think he was even listening to me.
"I took her for treatment every day and put Caleb into child care while I did that. I couldn't leave it up to her parents to babysit I would never see Caleb again if they took him even for a night. They loved him to bits but they were possessive of him. They treated me like I didn't exist at the time only their daughter and grandson. I had no backup no partner and no bloody idea what I was doing or suppose to do." I looked into his gorgeous eyes.
"I tried Heath I tried so hard to make her last weeks comfortable and happy I have so many regrets now. I should have done more but I didn't know what else to do. She gave me Caleb and in a roundabout sort of way she gave me you also, if only for a fleeting moment. I did it all by myself and I now have realized after it is all over and done, I don't need anybody just my son and me that's all I need, and that's all I want."
"Joe I..." Tears had now started running down my face and I wiped them with my hand, he cut me off again.
"It's okay now Heath I'm okay. I apologize sincerely for dumping this on you but you did ask. I sort of fell for you in a big way which isn't your fault it was just my stupid mistake. I didn't want anyone else in my life but you. It didn't matter how badly you treated me I was willing to do anything for you. I had made that decision to find a wonderful partner for me, someone, I have longed for since I was a teenager. It was my stuff up Heath I had no experience but I did fall for you, and I apologize for that once again." He had actually taken my hand but let it go when he continued.
"When Mandy got really sick I gave up Heath, please this isn't any of your fault or your business now. I am getting over you, the hurt is leaving me. I got so sick of people hitting on me at that bar and you just sitting there not saying anything about it. I gave you my virginity because it was something I wanted to try and I wanted to try it with just you. I knew you used the pub toilet a lot when I wasn't there Les told me that the night he tried to pick me up and I was hurting, I was hurting so badly." He was tormented even I could see that, god what an idiot I am.
"I never hurt with Mandy, yes I felt so alone but I felt loved and wanted with my friend and my son around me all the time they gave me those feelings, so I gave up trying I just went back home. The last time I saw you in the bar I said goodbye to you and you just sat there and said nothing. That's when I decided I would never see you again that part of my life is in the past. I live for my son now, he needs me more than ever, and I certainly need him." He pulled out a snow-white handkerchief and wiped his eyes then blew his nose his hands were shaking.
I couldn't move I didn't realize that's what was happening it never occurred to me for one minute he might have loved me. He straightened himself up and held his hand out.
"Anyway end of story Heath, thank you for everything you taught me. I will never forget you and good luck with the business. I have another interview to get to and I'm running late, sorry to waste your time Heath but I have to go."
I sat and stared at him for a moment.
"Joe, I'm so sorry Joe I never realized you might have had deep feelings for me, so sorry." I was in a vacuum I just didn't know what to say anymore, something big had shifted in my life at that very moment something huge and wonderful had arrived and I didn't know what to say, did I have feelings for Joe? Of course, I did, did I love Joe? did I love Joe? I couldn't answer that question, not at this moment. But I do know the empty ache I have felt these past months were due to Joe, was that how love felt?
When the questions settled down and I come to my senses Joe wasn't there the office door was wide open and he was gone again. I felt loss and I felt tears running down my face again, it was a lot to process and I didn't know how I felt it was all so new to me, but I did feel loss and the remorse weighed heavy. I should have been more attentive more interested I should have talked to him I should have loved him. I did love him, bugger me I do love him.
Joe I do love you please Joe come back, Joe my Joe I have to tell him, I have to make him realize he's not alone I have always been with him, I adore him.