Just Together

Disclaimer: This story is fiction. It makes no claims to the true personality and sexuality of anyone involved. You already know if you shouldn't be reading this.

------------------ Just Together by jm_stories@yahoo.com ------------------

Chapter I Original post 17 Jun 2000 Revised 7 Feb 2002

"Guess who finally got a job?" I said flopping down on the sofa next to Matt, my roommate.

"Congrats. What movie are you working on?" Matt asked.

"Unfortunately, not a movie. Schedule problems. A TV show, but at least it's a hour long drama and not a sitcom."

"What's the show?"

"'Dawson's Creek.'"

"Cool. I may have to visit you this summer if you can introduce me to Katie Holmes."

"Now why would you travel all the way to Wilmington to be rejected when you can do that right here?" I joked.

"Fuck you," Matt smirked.

"No thanks. I don't do straight guys."

"Actually, you don't do anyone except yourself," Matt shot back.

"Thanks for rubbing it in. I'm headin' to class," I said as I got up and grabbed my bag. "Later."

"See ya."

I headed out the door and walked down to catch the train into the village.

One more week of classes, and then finals. Finals should be easy. Four weeks from yesterday I'll be in Wilmington, NC. The show provides housing, so I don't have to worry about that. Maybe I should go back to Chicago to get my car. I'll probably need it in a small city for two months -- if nothing else to just get away.

Finals were finally over. I'm pretty sure I aced everything, maybe a B at the lowest. I've always been a pretty good student. Anyway, the past week I've been getting ready to leave for the summer. I'm taking a train to Chicago. I love to fly, but trains are nice and relaxing -- and much easier to carry a bunch of luggage without it ending up in Taiwan.

Gpa met me at the train station and we loaded up his new Navigator. Damn that thing is huge. Gpa's driving scares me anyway, but with this thing he could drive over small cars and not even feel more than a bump. I'll take my little VW Golf any day. With my car I can weave in and out of Chicago traffic. With Gpa's new truck you could weave over and through Chicago traffic.

Gpa didn't look all that good. He looked old. Really old, like he had aged 20 years since I'd seen him at Christmas. Taking care of Gma, who had had a couple really bad strokes two years ago, was really wearing him down. We'd finally convinced him to get a live-in caretaker about two months ago.

I dumped my stuff in my room, which had become a guest room when I went off to school. The house had five bedrooms, but with Gpa in one, Gma in another since her stroke, the caretaker, Margie, in another, Gpa's computer room in another, that left only mine for the guest bedroom when family came to visit. Yes, Gpa has a computer. He didn't want anything to do with them for the longest time, but after I showed him what he could do on the internet he warmed up to it. Actually he got a real kick outta email. As soon as DSL access came to Evanston, he had it installed and got himself a new Mac with a huge 21" monitor so he could read it easier. Now he's on every night instead of watching Discovery or PBS on TV. It's funny to watch him in a chat room. He types painfully slow, but so do the people he chats with. Maybe I'll buy him ViaVoice for Christmas.

After burying the laundry room, I made us lunch and we sat on the sun porch eating and talking. He talked about how I should start planning for my trip to Europe next summer and did his best to convince me that he was fine, but I could see otherwise. His health has steadily gone down hill since Gma's stroke.

I pulled into Wilmington just before midnight. I probably shouldn't have, but I drove straight through. Lots of coffee and lots of cigarettes kept me awake, but I was dead tired. I only smoke when I'm drinking and when I'm driving long distances. I pulled into the motel the studio had rented out for the two month summer production period. The front desk found my name on their list and gave me my key. I stumbled down to my room and opened the door. I knew I'd have a roommate and he was there out cold on one of the two beds -- his bags dropped just inside the door. I pulled my bags in as quietly as possible, locked the door, and passed out on my bed.

I was having this very nice dream of myself and some unknown guy making out on top of the Eiffel tower when I was jarred awake by an obnoxiously loud air horn outside the room. I opened my eyes to see my roommate walking to the door, hopefully to kill the asshole with the air horn. I was blinded by the sun when he pulled open the door.

"Hey Mikey! Welcome back!" Someone said way too chipper and pulled my roommate into a hug.

"Good to see you again, Josh, but if you wake me with that air horn again I'm gonna shove it up your ass," my roommate grumbled.

"And I'll help him!" I yelled in agreement.

My eyes had adjusted and I could see it was Josh Jackson at the door. He pushed past my roommate, whom I still hadn't met, and walked up to me.

"You should introduce yourself before you start shoving things in my ass. I'm Josh," he said holding out his hand.

"Jonah," I said, shook his hand and lay back down.

"Not a morning person, Jonah?" Josh asked.

"No. And I got in late after driving straight through from Chicago."

"Oh man, killer. Why'd you do that? No one has to be here 'till tomorrow."

"I just didn't feel like stopping."

"Well, you'll wish you did 'cause I'm not letting you go back to sleep."

"Are you the annoyance committee?" I groaned.

"Absolutely. Have you two even met yet?"

"No. I was asleep when he got in. Hi, I'm Michael," Michael said and shook my hand.

"Jonah," I repeated.

"So what's your character, Jonah?" Josh asked.

"Good, but a bit of a smart-ass."

"Obviously. I meant which character," Josh clarified.

"None. I'm a gaffer, not an actor."

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't be. I can't act worth shit."

"That's never stopped Keanu Reeves."

"Unfortunately."

"Well your roommate here, is none other than the soon to be famous Michael Pitt, otherwise known as Henry Parker, bumbling love-sick puppy for one Jen Lindley. He made all the little girls so horny that we had to bring him back for another season," Josh announced.

"Sorry if I miss references, but I haven't seen the show in at least a year," I said.

"What!? And they hired you?!" Josh yelled with a bit of humor in his voice.

"Some people have lives," I shot back.

"Yea, I've heard about those freaks -- never met one, though. Are you one?"

"No. I was just informing you that some people do have lives. I'm either in class, studying or in the theater at all hours."

"Then you're a loser like the rest of us, right Mikey?"

Michael was slumped on his bed and almost asleep again. "Huh?"

"Don't let him fool you with the dumb act, he's a little brainiac once you wake him up," Josh continued babbling.

"What time is it?" Michael groaned out.

"A little after seven," Josh said.

"Then go away until after ten," Michael stated plainly.

"What am I gonna do 'till then?"

"Read a book, jack off, I don't care. Just let us sleep," Michael said and physically pushed Josh out of the room, grabbing the air horn from him before closing and locking the door.

"He's a great guy sometimes, but can be annoying as fuck," Michael said as he walked back to his bed.

"Okay. No offense, but why are we rooming together? I'd think it would be techs together and actors together."

"None taken. Yea, it's usually like that, but for this show they split the rooms for the peons by age. The leads get their own apartments, and everyone else gets sorted by age in this motel."

"I guess that makes sense," I mumbled and was out again. This time my dream guy had a face -- it was Michael.

I awoke about two hours later. Michael was still sleeping. I watched him for a few minutes. Yes, he is definitely cute. Why couldn't I have gotten an ugly roommate? Not like anything's ever gonna happen, but still, it would make my life easier. It was very likely that he was straight, and if he's gay, he's so cute that he definitely has a boyfriend.

I brought myself back to reality and got out of bed. I pulled some clean clothes out of my bag, as well as my toiletries, and took a shower. I'm glad I brought my own soap & shampoo. The motel only had a liquid body soap dispenser.

Michael was awake and staring off into space when I walked back into the room.

"It's all yours. I brought some real soap and shampoo that you're welcome to use," I said.

"Huh? Oh, thanks," Michael said sleepily, rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom.

I was putting on my shoes when the air horn ripped through my head. Obviously it was ten and Josh was back. I quickly grabbed the other air horn and pulled open the door.

"Alright, Josh. Drop 'em and bend over. You were warned," I said as I saw his goofy self in the doorway with another air horn.

"Hey, that was if I woke you guys up. You're already awake, so you don't get to play with my ass today," Josh said as he walked right in.

As he walked past me I put my air horn towards his back and fired away. He dropped to his knees and covered his ears, dropping his air horn. I laughed and quickly grabbed his air horn.

"Oh man, you suck," Josh laughed.

"And you swallow," I shot back.

"Good come back."

"Thank you."

"Mikey in the shower?"

"Yea."

"You guys up for some breakfast?"

"I am. I can't answer for Michael."

"Call him Mikey. He hates it."

"Any why do I want to piss off my roommate for the next two months?"

"Why not?"

"Whatever, Joshy."

"Joshy, huh? Okay, Joney."

"Grr. Do you give everyone this treatment, or are we special?"

"You're really special to me, Joney," Josh said with a straight face and then started laughing.

"Richard."

"Actually there aren't many people here yet, so of the people to hang out with who are here, Mikey was my first choice."

"And I feel so special because of it," Michael said sarcastically as he walked back into the room wearing only a towel.

Josh gave a loud wolf whistle.

"Fuck you," Michael said as he turned his back to us, dropped his towel and pulled up his boxers.

"With that scrawny ass?" Josh laughed.

I thought his ass was kinda nice, actually. I kept that to myself.

"So you taking us out for breakfast?" Michael asked Josh.

"Absolutely. I've gotta show Joney here that I have some redeeming value. He probably thinks I'm just an asshole."

"You are," Michael shot back.

"That hurts, Mikey. I thought we were pals."

"Ask again on a morning when air horns aren't involved."

"Okay. Let's go. I'm starved," Josh said and opened the door. "Come on!"

Michael finished putting on his shoes and we were out the door. We had breakfast outdoors at a cafe downtown. Wilmington is a nice town. So different from NYC or Chicago. After breakfast I went to find my boss and check in. Jill, my boss, gave me the revised schedule, my security credentials and keys, a brief overview of where she expected me to be while filming and my duties, and then let me go for the rest of the day. The official production start meeting would be tomorrow night.

I got back to my room as Josh and Michael were walking out.

"Hey. We're goin' down to the beach. Wanna join us?" Josh asked.

"Yea, sure. Give me a minute to get changed," I said.

I quickly got changed and went outside. I looked around, and finally saw them in Josh's Jeep. I climbed in back and we were off. The top was off the Jeep and the doors were removed. I think this was just for effect, because Josh's driving was...exhilarating, to say the least. I put on my seat belt and held on to the roll bar. Michael was white-knuckled to the crash bar in front of him. Josh was just laughing and singing along with the radio. Not soon enough, we pulled into a sand covered parking lot and screeched-slid to a stop.

"You're driving has gotten worse, Josh," Michael said as he unclamped his hands and crawled out.

"Ya think? I thought it was getting better."

"Trust me. Definitely worse."

"Why? We didn't hit anything. We're all still alive."

"You drive worse than my grandfather, and he's 78," I said as I jumped to the ground and considered kissing it.

"Then you can drive next time," Josh shot back.

"I will."

Josh grabbed the cooler from the back and we staked out a spot on the beach. It was a warm day. We dropped our stuff and ran straight for the water. It was a bit cool -- not Lake Michigan cold, but still a bit too cool to spend much time in. Without a doubt, I noticed Michael in his swim trunks and how sexy he was. Josh wasn't bad either. Somehow, I successfully pushed this out of my mind. We roughhoused a bit in the surf and then went back to the beach to lay in the sun and warm up. And repeat. We'd gotten there pretty late in the day, so we only had a few hours of sun left. It got cool quickly and we decided it was a good time to leave. We stopped and had dinner on the way back.

Josh dropped us off and drove away, saying he had a meeting. Michael took a shower first. I pulled out my PowerBook and emailed Gpa that I'd made it okay and talked about my day. I replied to a few more emails and finished up as Michael was coming out of the bathroom.

"I think I left some hot water," Michael said as he walked out.

"Okay," I said, closed my PowerBook and went to take a shower. There was plenty of hot water and it felt good pounding down on my shoulders. I stood there letting it pound me for at least ten minutes before I started washing. When I finished, I wrapped a towel around myself and walked out. Michael was on his bed in boxers and a t-shirt, reading a book. He glanced up to acknowledge I was in the room, and then went back to his reading.

"Whatcha reading?" I asked after I pulled on a pair of boxers.

"'On the Road.'"

"Good book."

"Uh huh. You've read it?" Michael said not looking up from his book.

"No. I just heard that it was a good book," I smirked.

"Huh?" Michael said and looked at me.

"Yea, of course I've read it. The butler did it."

"Hmm. I haven't gotten to the part with the butler yet."

"It's Ginsburg. He's the French maid in the beginning," I smiled.

Michael laughed. "I thought so. So you like Kerouac?"

"Yea, I've read all his stuff. Now I'm obsessed with Camus."

"'The Stranger.'" Michael stated.

"Among other things, yea."

"I read that last year."

"And?"

"It's a good book. What else have you read?"

I laughed. "I tend to get obsessed with particular authors and read everything they've written before moving on to the next one."

"Such as?"

"Uh, okay. Authors I've been through so far: Kerouac, Sartre, Hemmingway, E. E. Cummings, Charles Bukowski, Langston Hughes, Ayn Rand, William S. Burroughs, Amiri Baraka, Eugene O'Neill, Franz Kafka, Voltaire,...uh...and J. D. Salinger. I think that's it so far. Oh, and Tolkien, of course."

"Wow. I go more book to book rather than author to author."

"I like the author to author way because it's like you totally become immersed in their world. Every author has that style and view that says who they are. When you read everything all together, those themes become pretty evident."

"Sounds like method acting."

"Yea, I guess it is something like that, except it's all internal instead of external."

"Method acting is about the internal."

"Yea, but making the internal affect the external -- hopefully naturally. 'You can't act emotions, only actions.' One of my professors is always saying."

"True, but the emotions lead to the actions."

"Not in real life."

"In real life too. People react on how they feel, on their emotions."

"Some do, but most people have inhibitions that hold them back. Only very young children react naturally with their emotions and actions."

"And actors, though not really naturally, I guess," Michael added.

"Speaking of actors," I said with a devilish grin. "How shall we get Josh back for this morning?"

Michael broke into a huge grin. "I don't know. You have any ideas?"

"Actually," I said coyly, "I saw some rolls of that packing plastic wrap in the production warehouse..."

"And we could plastic wrap him to the bumper of his Jeep and take him driving!" Michael laughed.

"For which we'd both be fired and probably arrested," I added.

"Maybe, but Josh is the production prankster. He's gotten almost everyone at least once. We won't have any problems getting help."

"Okay, but we don't want to deny them their revenge."

"We could plastic wrap him to his bed and wake him up with a dozen air horns," Michael offered.

I started laughing. "Yea, that's more like it. Is he a heavy sleeper?"

"No, I think he's a pretty light sleeper."

"Then that probably won't work." I paused to think. "Do you think we can get a key to his apartment?"

"Probably."

"Then how about this: We replace his alarm clock buzzer with a car horn, and maybe his doorbell too."

"You can do that?"

"Easily. I'd need at least a half-hour alone in his apartment, though."

"I'll take care of that. Let's go get the supplies. What do you need?"

"Car horns, obviously. Wire. Probably some relays and transformers as well."

"Do you think we can get those locally?"

"If they have a Radio Shack."

"Yea, it's downtown. I think they close at nine, though, so we'd better get going," Michael said and started putting on his pants and shoes. I did the same.

We got in my car and drove to the Radio Shack downtown. They had everything we needed. I got two small 12V horns for the alarm clock, and a single diesel type 24V horn for the doorbell. We split the bill and walked out with big shit eating grins.

We stopped by the production warehouse so I could borrow the tools I'd need. Jill was still there working on paperwork. After she learned what we were doing she practically begged to do it herself.

"Come on. I'm your boss. I order you to let me help with this," she almost whined.

"Okay, you can do the doorbell and I'll to the alarm clock. It'll take half the time, then."

"Great. Give me a few minutes and I'll get the key and Josh occupied somewhere else," Jill grinned and hit a speed dial on her cell phone. "Hey Mike, it's Jill...Yea, well I've got something you may wanna be in on...A pretty darn good prank on Josh Jackson...Simple. We just need to get into his apartment for forty-five minutes and not have him there...No, nothing dangerous...Tonight?...I don't know, make something up...Okay, we'll be there in a few minutes. Thanks, Mike." Jill closed her phone and stood up. "We're set. Let's go."

"Damn. When you said we wouldn't have any trouble, I didn't think it meant we'd have people chomping at the bit to get him back," I laughed.

"It's a whacked out contest," Jill explained. "Josh is ahead. He's so paranoid about everything it's really hard to get him back. This will be perfect. I'm glad I hired you, kid."

We got in my car and drove over to the production manager's apartment. We explained to him what we were going to do and he giggled with delight.

"I got James and Katie to take him out for the evening. They already called to let me know they were leaving, so you have about two hours. Here's the key. I know nothing about this," Mike said.

"About what?" Jill smiled as she took the key.

We walked down four doors to Josh's apartment. Jill went right to work looking for a place to hide the doorbell horn while I went straight to Josh's bedroom. Thankfully he had a digital clock. I was hoping that he didn't have some old mechanical one. It could still work, but I'd need more supplies. I told Michael what to do and he pulled out the bed and screwed the horns to the back of the headboard while I pulled the alarm clock apart and soldered in the wires I'd need. The hardest part was hiding the extra wires along the power cord. I wired up the transformer and relay, plugged it in, and tested it before I added the horns. Worked great. I added the horns, and then tested it with them as we held pillows over the horns. It was still pretty loud and worked like a charm. We pushed the bed back and arranged everything to hide our tracks. We were about to walk out when I had a better idea and opened up the clock again.

"Forget something?" Michael asked.

"Yea. I forgot to disable the snooze button," I grinned.

Michael started laughing again.

That done, we checked up on Jill.

"We're done. How's it going?" I asked.

"Just need to test it. Hand me some towels from the kitchen, please."

I threw her the towels and she shoved them into the horns and went to the door. When she pushed the button we could hear a muffled horn. Good enough. She pulled out the towels after they stopped and put them back in the kitchen.

"I put a delay on the relay so it'll blast for 10 seconds before turning off," Jill smiled.

"You're evil," I said.

"Thank you. Thank you," Jill said and took a bow. "You're pretty bad yourself."

Michael just kept giggling.

We made sure everything was exactly as we had found it, locked the door and returned the key to Mike. We dropped Jill back at the production warehouse and went back to our room. Michael was still giggling.

"This is so much fun," Michael said.

"Yea, it is. You realize, of course, that he's gonna want revenge for our revenge, right?"

"Of course. But if his pranks come back on him ten fold like this one, he'll think twice about it after a few times."

"If he's smart. He is an actor, though," I laughed.

"Hey! Not all of us are ego obsessed morons."

"Sorry, present company excluded from the ranks of ego obsessed morons."

"Thank you."

"I'm wide awake now. How 'bout you?"

"Not tired at all. Wanna take a walk? The waterfront's really nice at night."

"Sure."

We left the hotel, walking in the direction of the downtown waterfront.

"So where are you from?" Michael asked as we were walking.

"Originally, or most recently?"

"Both."

"Okay. Originally, Chicago. Evanston to be exact. Most recently, New York City. Brooklyn to be exact."

"Really? Where in Brooklyn?"

"I've got an apartment on Bridge Street. Why do you say it like that?"

"'Cause I live on Myrtle Ave. It's funny I've never seen you before."

"New York's a big city. Besides, my roommates live in the same apartment and we hardly ever see each other," I laughed.

"So why are you living in New York?"

"I'm going to Tisch for Lighting Design."

"That's cool. If you're from Evanston, why didn't you just go to Northwestern? They have a great theatre program."

"I know, but their film program is lacking, and I want to work in film too."

"I understand. I wanna go to university sometime, but the career has really taken off the past year or so."

"So? Just work during the summer, or only take summer classes, or only go one semester a year. There's always a way around it."

"Maybe. I'm still working on it. When I do it, I want to do it all at once -- not stretch it out for a decade. And I don't want to take correspondence courses."

We walked a while in silence, but not an uncomfortable silence.

"So how old are you? When's your birthday?" I asked.

"Just turned 19. April 10th."

"Serious?"

"Yea. Why?"

"I just turned 20.... April 10th."

"No way!"

I started whistling the theme to "The Twilight Zone."

"I think we're gonna be great roommates," Michael laughed and opened the door to our room.

"Yep. So far."

"Damn!" Michael said as he tripped over one of his bags. "We should unpack and stay a while."

"Okay, grandpa," I joked at his old folk saying.

"Whatever."

I shoved a bunch of my stuff in drawers, and hung up everything else. I put my alarm clock on the nightstand -- it is one of the old fashioned ones with the bells on top that you have to wind. We packed our empty suitcases under the dressing area vanity. I went out to my car to get my guitar. I really had no reason to bring it in last night.

"Cool. You play guitar?" Michael asked as I walked back in with it.

"No. I just carry it to look cool. Does it work?" I smirked.

"Dork. And no, it doesn't work. I look much cooler," Michael said as he reached under his bed and pulled out his guitar.

"I'm serious. I can't play worth shit. I'm just a strummer. It relaxes me."

"That's all that matters. I'll have you up to speed before the summer is over," Michael assured me.

"If you say so."

"I do. So what do you play?"

"Mostly my own crappy stuff, and some Dylan and other stuff. You?"

"Just about anything, but mostly my stuff. Let me hear one of your songs."

"Eh, maybe some other time. I'm getting kinda tired, and I don't want to embarrass myself on our first day knowing each other."

"You must have absolutely no actor blood in you at all. You just turned down a perfect chance to show off," Michael laughed.

"I'd rather show off with my lighting designs, or something I'm good at, not something I'm mediocre at, at best."

"Okay. It's still funny."

"No it's not."

"It's funny as in British comedy funny."

"Whatever." I stripped down to my boxers and t-shirt and pulled out "The Myth of Sisyphus & Other Essays" by Camus. I laid down on my bed and started reading.

Michael got up, stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, grabbed his book, turned off the overhead light -- leaving only the reading lamps above each bed -- and climbed into his bed.

I read for about an hour before I turned off my light, said good night and went to sleep.

My alarm clock went off at 8AM. I shut it off and sat up. A nice thing about the old clocks is that they work even if the power went out overnight. A bad thing is there is no snooze bar. I'm dangerous with a snooze bar and end up hitting it for hours rather than get up. That's why I have an old fashioned one without a snooze bar.

"Why is it we're getting up at 8AM again?" Michael groaned in his pillow without moving.

"Because someone accepted an invitation to breakfast at 9:30."

"Oh, that's right. Me. Kick me next time I do that."

"Will do."

Michael started giggling. "You think Josh is up yet?"

"Hopefully he's still pulling himself off the ceiling," I laughed.

"Oh man, we should have set up a camera to capture it on tape."

"Yea, we should have, but we would have needed more time to set up a hidden camera. I think he'd notice a regular camera."

"Probably. He is pretty observant."

"So Josh said we're supposed to meet at Katie's for breakfast. Is that some restaurant downtown?"

Michael snickered.

"What?" I asked.

"No. Katie Holmes. We'll meet at her place for breakfast."

"Doh!" I said feeling a little stupid. "I've got the shower first," I said and went into the bathroom.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Michael yelled and jumped out of bed.

"What?!"

"Let me take a piss first," he said as he pushed past me and closed the door.

"Okay," I said as the door shut in my face.

I heard him pissing and then the toilet flushing. "Thanks," he said as he opened the door.

"No problem. A little bladder problem?"

"No, thank you very much. You take a long time in the shower and I knew I couldn't hold it that long."

"Well if I'm ever taking too long in the shower and you feel you have to piss, just knock on the door and come in to do your business."

"You can do the same."

"Now let me take my long shower so we aren't late," I said and closed the door.

I took a very quick shower and shaved at the dressing area vanity so Michael could get in the shower. We were out the door at a little past nine.

We got to Katie's apartment ten minutes later. We rang the bell and Katie opened the door.

"Hi, Michael. It's good to see you again," she said and gave him a hug.

"And you," she turned to me with a grin, "must be Jonah. Very pleased to meet you," she said and hugged me as well.

"Yea, I must be," I stuttered out. I know I'm gay and all, but here was this very cute girl I'd just met hugging me like I was an old friend. Actors...

"You got Josh so good," she giggled.

"So it worked. What'd he say?" Michael said excitedly.

Katie started laughing. "He said he pissed the bed!"

We all burst out laughing as Josh walked to the door.

"Ahh, young Jonah. I'd like to thank you for fixing my alarm clock," Josh said. He was smiling, so I guess he thought it was funny.

"You're welcome, but I did have help," I said pointing towards Michael and trying to stifle my laughing, but ending up with tears rolling down my face before I burst out again.

"Laugh it up. You've opened the floodgates," Josh smirked.

"See, I told you," I laughed to Michael.

"Told you what?" Josh asked Michael.

"I told him you were smart enough to realize who not to prank after it came back on you ten-fold. He said you weren't. He wins," Michael laughed.

Josh just gave us both the evil eye. "That was pretty good," Josh admitted after a minute. "I pissed the bed when those horns went off."

We started rolling again. Josh laughed as well.

"You're now a hero," Katie whispered to me and then said louder. "Now can you do something about him mooning us from off camera during a serious scene?"

"Aw, come on, Kate. You know you love it," Josh said.

"Only when compared to your face," Katie said patting him on the face and walked into the kitchen.

"Ouch," Josh said. "Come on. Everyone's out on the patio."

As soon as we stepped out the door we got a standing ovation and congratulations. I guess everyone enjoyed the prank. I was kinda embarrassed by the attention, though. I met the rest of the younger lead characters: James, Kerr, Meredith and Michelle. I was the only non-actor and non-famous person there. It felt odd. I wasn't intimidated by anyone famous, but I've worked with enough actors who were anxious to talk to you if you were a "somebody," but wouldn't give you the time of day if you were "just a tech." I knew I wouldn't be here now if Michael wasn't my roommate. The prank had opened a door, though, and I was accepted as an equal. I don't know any of them well enough to say if that's good or bad.

For breakfast, Katie made her "famous waffles." They were good, but I don't know how you'd differentiate "good" from "very good" when it comes to waffles. They're either good or bad.

We sat on the patio until one. I mostly just listened as they all talked about what they had been doing and what they thought about the scripts for this season. Yes, I was in a group of actors. Each one trying to out do the other -- trying to be the center of attention. Talking at the same time -- usually about different subjects.

"You were pretty quiet," Michael said as we were driving back to our room.

"Just enjoying the show and listening," I replied.

"You must hate actors, huh?"

"Not at all, or not all of them, anyway," I joked.

"Sorry."

"Why?"

"For making you hang out with us when you had such a bad time."

I pulled into a parking spot, turned off the car and turned to Michael. "Listen. You can't MAKE me do anything, and I didn't have a bad time. Just because I don't react the way you think I should, don't think that something's wrong. I'll let you know if something is. I think you'll find I'm pretty direct and honest about things. If you have a question, ask and I'll answer. Okay?" I said seriously.

"Okay. Did you have a good time at breakfast?"

"Yes, I did."

"Good," Michael said curtly and got out of the car.

I think I pissed him off or hurt his feelings. I got out of the car and just went for a walk. It seems like I'm always doing that. I'd get along better with people if I'd learn to be more wishy-washy and lie. I just can't do it, thought. That's why I'm usually quiet. Whenever I open my mouth someone gets pissed off.

I ran into Jill on my way back and started to tell her how the prank went. She said she already knew and knew he still hadn't discovered the horn doorbell. She was giddy with delight and said that everyone would know about it before the day was over. I kinda cringed at that and started to wish I'd never done it. The first impression of me all these people I'd never met would be as a prankster of mythic proportions. I'm really not. I never start it, and the revenge on Josh was just a good answer to his air horns. On top of that, I was pissed at myself for the argument I started with Michael.

When I got back to our room Michael was sitting on his bed reading. He didn't even look up. I sat down on my bed facing him.

"I'm sorry if I pissed you off, Michael," I said after a minute.

"Don't worry about it," he dismissed without looking up.

"I seem to be pretty good at inadvertently pissing people off," I said after another minute.

I stared at him a few minutes until he put his book down and said, "So what do you want me to say? Yes, you pissed me off. I don't appreciate your comments about actors, because I AM and actor. I don't appreciate being talked down to, either."

"Okay, back this truck up. First of all, I've said nothing bad about actors. Okay, I've made a few jabs in jest, but nothing serious. YOU have jumped to conclusions and tried to finish my thoughts when I say anything about actors. YOU said 'ego obsessed morons' and YOU said that I didn't like actors. I joke about the pervasive qualities that all actors seem to have the same as I joke about the pervasive qualities all techs seem to have. And I was and am not talking down to you. What I said in the car was intended to help prevent any misunderstandings, but I guess that failed fuckin' miserably." I was getting pretty worked up.

We were both silent and stared each other down. After a few minutes, Michael smiled and said, "Apology accepted. Let's kiss and make up and move on."

I know he was kidding about the kiss, but it was too good to pass up. I reached out my hand to shake, pulled him up and planted a sloppy kiss on his lips. His face was that of total shock. I fell back on my bed laughing.

"Asshole," he said and threw his pillow at me.

"...the look on your face..." I giggled trying to catch my breath and threw his pillow back at him.

"I'm sure it was priceless," Michael smirked.

"Yep."

"Now I know that all it takes is a kiss to put you in a good mood again."

"Of course, but not from you," I shot back. Why'd I say that? Of course a kiss from him would put me in a good mood.

"I would hope not," Michael added.

"Uh huh. Sure you weren't," I joked. I just didn't know when to stop.

Michael looked at the clock. "Um, we'd better get going. The production meeting starts in a half-hour."

We hopped in my car and drove downtown to the meeting hall where the production meeting would be held. Everyone was there. Regular cast. Recurring guest stars. Writers. Directors. Technicians. Make-up. Costumes. Everyone. Kevin Williamson got up and started the meeting with a welcome to everyone for another season and all that jazz. Mike, the production manager, got up next to go over schedules. While the schedules were being passed out, he regaled everyone with the story of Josh's prank and it's counter prank, crediting both Michael and I. We got a cheer. Josh stood up during this and announced that there was an opening party at his place after the meeting.

"I think he'll find the doorbell horn tonight," Michael whispered to me. I just smiled.

Mike went over rehearsal and filming schedules, and then everyone had to stand up and introduce him/herself. Each of the directors talked about how excited they were about working with blah, blah, blah. The meeting went on for 3.5 hours before we got out of there.

"You're going to Josh's party tonight, right?" Michael asked as we were walking out.

"Yea, but I probably won't stay long. I have to start work at 8AM tomorrow."

"Doing what? We don't start shooting 'till Friday."

"Yea, but I've got to unpack and check all the lighting fixtures, cables, etc., so when it does come time to shoot, we'll be ready."

"Sounds mindless."

"Zen like."

"I can see that. Let's get something to eat before we go to Josh's. If he has anything to eat, it's probably laced with laxatives or something."

"He'd probably do something like that. We should also probably be careful about what we drink there."

"Only directly from sealed bottles or cans."

"Absolutely. How about this place," I said pointing to a seafood bistro.

"No way. We use that place in the show. There's a pizza place a few blocks away."

We got to the pizza place. I had a small veggie and Michael had a pepperoni. We got to Josh's about an hour later and the party was in full swing. We rang the doorbell on purpose and the horn was obnoxiously loud. Josh answered the door.

"Come on in, you pranksters. You're late," he said with a bit of a slur and a half-glass of beer in his hand.

"We didn't do the doorbell horn," I said.

"I know. Jill already bragged about it. Come on in already. You two look parched. Let me get you something to drink," Josh said putting his arms over our shoulders and guiding us towards the drink table. "What can I getcha?"

"I'll just have this," I said grabbing a sealed can of ginger ale off the table.

"Just that?"

"I'm driving."

"Okay. Mikey? I know you don't want just a soda."

"What have you got in the way of beer?"

"Bud light, Pete's Wicked Ale, Foster's, and Corona."

"I'll have a Corona."

"Good choice," Josh said, opened a bottle and handed it to him. We were careful to watch his hands to make sure he didn't slip anything into it.

The doorbell horn blasted again.

"More guest. Go mingle you two," Josh said and stumbled off towards the door.

"How long are you staying?" Michael asked me.

"Probably only an hour."

"Okay. Find me before you leave and see if I'm ready to go. If not I'll just get a ride with someone else."

"No prob."

"Not to ditch you, but..."

"Go away," I smiled.

Michael walked away and joined the circle of actors.

I wandered around meeting my coworkers. I talked with the other gaffer, CeeCee, for a few minutes. She was a bit strange, but seemed like she'd be cool to work with. I sat and listened to Kevin Williamson and his husband tell stories. It was entertaining, but depressing. I wanted to have a husband, or at least a boyfriend, and be able to be out and comfortable like that. I was jealous of what they had. I like to think I don't care what people think, but I do. When someone learns that I'm gay they automatically expect me to act a certain way and like certain things. That isn't the case at all. Most gay people make me uncomfortable -- at least the stereotypes. I don't want to be a stereotype, and I get tired of people expecting it. Whereas I'd been more open about being gay when I was younger, I now guarded it pretty carefully. Going back in the closet? Yea, I guess, to some extent. I am honest with myself about it, and the few people who know; I'm just careful about who I let know. It changes the way people view you. It shouldn't, but it does. Something that you could do or say completely innocently suddenly has deep and ulterior motives.

It had been about an hour-and-a-half and I was ready to go home. I found Michael on the patio with the other actors.

"Hey man, I'm gonna split. You ready or are you gonna stay?" I asked him.

"Hey Jonah. Hey everybody, it's Jonah, my bestest roommate. My only roommate, actually," Michael said loudly and obviously drunk.

Everyone else in the circle yelled, "Hi, Jonah."

"Hi, everybody," I did in my best Dr. Nick. "So I guess you're staying?" I asked Michael.

"Oh yea. I'm stayin'."

"Okay. I'll see you back at the room sometime. Good night, everyone," I said and started to make my exit.

"Jonah, wait!" Michael yelled and stumbled up from his place on the ground.

"Yea?"

Michael grabbed me and gave me a kiss. Not just a peck kiss, but a real whose lips are whose and there's a tongue in my mouth kiss. I was completely and utterly dumfounded.

Michael pulled away from the kiss with a grin and said loud enough for everyone near to hear, "Who has the priceless look now?" He burst into laughter, as well as the circle of actors around us.

"Drunk bastard," I said once I'd recovered and pushed him back lightly. He dramatically rolled back and landed in Michelle's lap, laughing hysterically. "I'm outta here," I said with a smile. I don't know if I ran into anyone on the way to my car or not. My mind was racing. I may be a virgin, but I do know kissing very well. What Michael gave me was not a joke kiss. It was a deep passionate kiss. Maybe he is just a phenomenal actor. That had to be it. Actors do that all the time... Kiss each other without really meaning anything by it... He probably wouldn't even remember it in the morning. I know I wouldn't forget it.

I thought about all the rationalizations for the passion of the kiss as I drove back to the motel. In the end, I'd only confused myself and felt really tired. I dropped my clothes, set the alarm, and went right to sleep.

My alarm went off at 7AM. I killed it and slowly sat up. Michael was in his bed, fully clothed and lying on top of the covers. He had a pillow over his head and was groaning.

"Too much to drink last night?" I asked already knowing the answer. He only groaned.

I sat there for a few minutes until I got the gumption to get my ass out of bed. I hadn't done mornings in a long time -- I'm a night person. I got in the shower and let the water try to wake me. A few minutes later I heard the bathroom door fly open and Michael vomiting in the toilet. I quickly finished my shower, dried off and stepped out with the towel wrapped around me. Michael was leaning against the toilet with his arm across the bowl and his head resting on his arm.

"You okay?" I asked.

He answered by puking again.

I shaved and brushed my teeth while he hugged the toilet. I was getting dressed when he finally came out, looking like shit.

"What time did you get in?" I asked.

"Around five."

"How much did you drink?"

"I don't know. I'll feel better after I sleep."

"Why don't you drink as much water as you can stand, and then take a shower? You'll feel a lot better."

He just grunted and crawled back onto his bed.

"Are you gonna be okay?"

"Next time we're at a party, remind me of how I feel and look right now before I start drinking."

"Ah, the morning after reformation pledge," I chuckled.

"I mean it."

"Whatever. Seriously, though, you should drink some water, or you're gonna feel even worse once the alcohol wears off."

"Yea, okay," Michael said and mechanically went to the sink.

"I'll see you later, if you're still alive," I joked and left. I met up with Jill and CeeCee and we drove to the production warehouse.

I had a pleasant day at work. For the most part it was just the three of us at the warehouse. We got all the instruments unpacked, the few cracked lenses replaced and fresh lamps in every one. That was a full 12 hour day. The way it would work once filming started is that we would work three days, 12+ hours, and then have a day off. And repeat. CeeCee and I would have different days off. Jill would pretty much be on call at all times and take time off when she could.

I got back to the motel around 8:30PM. The lights were off and Michael was a lump under his covers. He didn't react when I turned the light on. I sat on the edge of his bed and put my hand on his back. Still breathing. Good. I got up and headed for the bathroom to get cleaned up before going to dinner.

"Jonah?" I heard Michael say as I walked into the bathroom. I peered back out.

"Hey. How you feeling?" I said softly.

"A lot better, thanks."

"I'm about to go get dinner. You up for food yet?"

"Dinner? What time is it?" Michael asked as he reached out to turn the clock.

"Twenty 'till nine."

"Damn. I slept all day."

"Did you miss something?"

"No. My rehearsals start tomorrow. Just missed the whole day is all."

"Well, you were in pretty bad shape this morning. I think you needed the whole day."

"Probably."

"So you up for dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry, but I guess I should eat."

"Okay. Let me get cleaned up and then you can have the bathroom."

I washed up, and then waited while he took a quick shower. We walked down the street to a Taco Bell and ate outside on their patio. He asked me about my day, but we were quiet for the most part.

When we got back to the room I checked email and surfed the 'net a bit while Michael read. Gpa hadn't replied yet, which was odd since he was on every night and always replied right away. I tried to put it out of my mind; if something was wrong someone would have called me. As soon as I remembered that no one knew my number here except Gpa from the email I sent him, I suddenly felt panicked. I logged off and called him.

"Hello?" A man answered that I didn't recognize at first.

"Hello. This is Jonah. Is..."

"Jonah! This is Joe. We've been trying to reach you." His voice seemed sad. Why did he seem sad?

"What's wrong, Uncle Joe?"

"Dad, Gpa, died last night in his sleep. Margie said he said he wasn't feeling well and went to bed early. He had a heart attack. She found him this morning," Joe said trying to hold back the tears.

"He's dead," I said softly into the phone.

"Yes. Heart attack. Listen, Jonah, we're gonna..."

I didn't hear any more. I put the phone down and sat there stunned. How could he be dead? He was fine a few days ago when I was with him. He didn't look good, but not like he was going to die.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked with a concerned look on his face.

"My..." I started, but it was choked off as the tears started. "...My Gpa...dead." That's all I got out before I just started sobbing. Michael watched me for a minute before he hopped out of bed and sat beside me, wrapping his arm around me. I looked at him and saw concern in his eyes. I pulled him into a hug and continued crying as I clutched onto him for dear life. He held me and stroked my back, trying to be as comforting as possible. After a while I settled down and pulled away.

"Thanks," I said drying my face with my t-shirt.

"Who's Gpa?"

"My grandfather."

"You were close?"

"Yea. My grandparents raised me."

"What happened to your parents?"

"They died."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay. I was young when they died and got over it a long time ago. Gma had a stroke two years ago and is a vegetable. I thought...I hoped she would die soon instead of living that way. But Gpa...I was just with him a few days ago..." I started crying again. After a few minutes I pulled myself together again. Michael was still stroking my back.

"I'd better call back and find out when the funeral is," I said and picked up the phone.

"Jonah?" Uncle Joe said as he picked up the phone.

"Yea, it's me."

"Are you okay?"

"As can be expected. When's the funeral?"

"Wednesday. Can you make it?"

"I'll be there. Can you get me a flight Tuesday afternoon from Wilmington, NC, and returning on Thursday morning?"

"Yea. I'll take care of it."

"Thanks, Uncle Joe."

"You're welcome. We'll pick you up at the airport. Are you sure you're gonna be okay? You have someone there?"

"Yea, I'll be okay. I'll see you tomorrow night. Good bye." I said and hung up the phone. "Funeral's Wednesday. I'd better go tell Jill." I mechanically walked down to Jill's room and told her what was up. She was very sympathetic and told me to take a few extra days, if I needed it. I thanked her, but told her I'd rather get back to work and keep myself busy.

I walked past my room and went into the pool area, which was locked off because it was after hours. I jumped the fence, laid down on one of the lounge chairs and stared at the sky. I wasn't really thinking about anything that I can remember. I just stared at the stars.

Sometime later I felt someone sit down on the side of my lounge chair. I looked down to see Michael. He was blurry, and I noticed that I'd been crying.

"You okay?"

I forced a weak smile. "I'll be fine. What are you doing out here?"

"You've been gone for two hours. I was getting worried," he said full of concern.

I reached my hand up and touched his soft cheek. Maybe to see if he was real. Maybe just to touch him. I don't know. As soon as I realized what I was doing, however, I quickly pulled away. "Thanks. I'll be fine. Really. I just need some time."

"Okay," he said hesitantly. "My shoulder is available if you need it again," he added.

"Thanks. Sorry you had to witness this."

"Don't be. Now come back to the room and get some sleep. Your Uncle Joe called and said your plane tomorrow is at 10AM. You want me to take you to the airport so you don't have to park your car there?"

"Is your driving anything like Josh's?"

"I don't get to drive very often, but my driving is very good, thank you very much."

"Yea, I suppose."

"Let's go," he said and pulled me up from the lounge chair.

We hopped the fence and went back to our room. I got undressed and went right to sleep.

Fortunately, Michael remembered to set the alarm, and it went off at 7AM. I mechanically got out of bed and took a shower, got dressed, packed my bag and sat on my bed waiting for Michael to get ready. I wasn't thinking about anything. I was purposefully trying to not think of anything.

"Ready?" Michael asked.

"Yea, let's go," I said and handed him my car keys as I walked out to my car.

We got to the airport on time and in one piece. Michael is a much better driver than Josh, but not great. I couldn't imagine riding in a car with him driving in NYC or Chicago. Anyway, he gave me a hug goodbye and I got on the plane.

Aunt Mary was waiting for me at O'Hare. Her eyes were puffy and I was doing okay until she hugged me. I lost it again and started crying. Not as bad as last night, but tears were rolling down my face and I couldn't stop them.

Gpa's house was full of people. Gma would be sent to a nursing home. She was told that Gpa died, but it didn't register with her, and she didn't recognize me or anyone else. A few times she started screaming for all these people to get out of her house. Why does she live the way she is, and he died? Don't think that I dislike my Gma. It's just that she's the one in poor health. She should have died first. We were expecting it. I was prepared for it.

I almost would have liked to have been younger -- then I wouldn't have had to deal with the business part of someone dying. We all knew what Gpa's will had laid out. The apartment in NYC was now mine. Gma, if still alive, would go to some nursing home he had picked out and paid for with insurance. The house would be sold and the money put in college funds split evenly between the grandchildren. All the possessions would be divided among whoever wanted them or sold.

I'd like to be able to say that it was a nice funeral, but it wasn't. There is nothing nice about a funeral. It went okay, though. I didn't drop the casket. The priest didn't babble on too long. The sun was shining. And that was it. Here one day, gone the next, with only a slight reminder of who once was. I kept thinking about a Camus quote: "A single sentence will suffice for modern man: He fornicated and read the papers."

Cute, if not annoying, though, were my nieces and nephews. They were absolutely thrilled that I was working on "Dawson's Creek." I told them about the breakfast at Katie's. My nieces started screaming and jumping up and down when they discovered Michael was my roommate. Sheesh. I never knew. Oh well, I could probably tease him about it. I did feel better when I left. Having lots of family around was good, but I'm glad it's over.

I got off the plane in Wilmington and looked around for Michael. Instead I saw Josh.

"Hey, Josh. Where's Michael?" I asked as I walked up to him.

"Nice to see you too. Sorry to hear about your grandpa," he said.

"Thanks."

"Mikey had rehearsal, so I offered to pick you up."

"You drove your car, right?"

"Yea..."

"Good. Let's go."

We got in his Jeep and he dropped me off at the motel. His driving was actually good. Apparently we was trying to scare us the other day. I thanked him and he was off. I took a quick shower and then lay down for a nap.

I awoke a few hours later. I opened my eyes and noticed Michael on his bed with his book in his hand, but watching me. He quickly pulled his book higher so it looked like he was reading. I rolled on my back, stretched and yawned.

"How was the funeral?" Michael asked. "Everything okay?"

"It was a funeral. They all suck. Yea, everything's okay. How was rehearsal?"

"Boring. You up for some dinner?"

I rolled over a looked at the clock. "Yea. I haven't eaten all day." I got out of bed and got dressed.

We walked to a diner downtown and had a decent meal. There wasn't much conversation. It wasn't uncomfortable; I just didn't feel like talking and was hungry. We got back to our room around nine.

Michael grabbed his book and started reading again. I felt like playing guitar. I grabbed my guitar and started to head out.

"Where you going?" Michael asked.

"I don't know. I was just gonna try to find someplace to play."

"Why not just play here?"

"I didn't want to disturb your reading."

"Don't worry about it. I want to hear you play."

"Do you have a pair of earplugs?" I joked.

"If it's that bad I'll just make you leave," he joked back.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." I sat down on my bed and pulled my guitar out of its case. A minute or two to tune, and I was ready. "Any requests?"

"Just play what you want. Ignore me."

"Okay." I turned away from him. The first song I thought about was New Model Army's "Green & Gray." I started playing that. My opening doesn't quite sound like theirs, but I have the rest of the song down. It's one of my favorite songs. I'm much more confident with my singing abilities than my guitar playing. I finished the song and started thinking about another to play when Michael started applauding.

"That was great. You've got a good voice. Is that one of yours?"

"Thanks. I wish. It's New Model Army."

"I've heard of them, but I don't think I've heard anything by them. They new?"

"Hardly. Mid-eighties, I think. I've got one of their CDs with me. I'll let you borrow it."

"Cool. What's next?"

"What about acting like you aren't here?" I smirked.

"Only when you're playing."

"Kinda like an audience that keeps going in and out during the show, huh?"

"Something like that."

"Okay, well, this isn't by me either. It's a Dinosaur Jr. version of a David Bowie song." I paused a minute to remember the chords, and then started playing "Quicksand."

"I'm gonna have to start rooting through your CDs. Now play one of yours."

I thought about it for a minute. "Okay, this is about a girl I knew last year." The song was called "Lara." I wasn't in love with her, but I changed that in the song. She was a senior and an actress. Very sweet sorrowful eyes. She had issues and was always in an abusive relationship of some sort. I walked into the Green Room between classes one day and she was crying. I knew who she was, but really hadn't talked to her before. I was the only other person there, so she latched onto me. We went out to a diner and ended up talking all night. She wanted me to sleep with her, even though she knew I was gay. I successfully avoided that train. Her life made me sad -- mostly because she keeps doing the same things to herself, and she knows it. Anyway, I wrote the song a few days later; basically to get her out of my head. I played it for her once. She liked it and was flattered that a song had been written about her. I hardly talked to her after that, though -- same as before. It was a very sorrowful, if not melancholy, song.

"That's great, but so sad. Are all your songs sad?" Michael asked.

"Pretty much. That's when I feel like writing a song."

"Well play something happy."

"Okay, but then you have to play me something."

"Alright."

I tried to think of a happy song I knew, then I tried to think of a happy song period. You know, there aren't many happy songs that are worth anything. I smiled and then started playing the Violent Femmes' "Blister in the Sun." Michael sang along.

"Your turn," I said once the song was done and put down my guitar.

"Okay. Give me a minute," he said, pulled out his guitar and tuned it. He had a much nicer guitar than mine. He played a pretty good song about unrequited love with some girl, and then another about a different girl. I guess that clears up the sexuality issue. I was a little disappointed, but somewhat relieved, I guess. At least I knew.

"That was really good," I said once he finished.

"Thanks."

I looked at the clock. "We should probably get to bed. Shooting starts at six."

"Not for me," Michael smirked.

"Okay. Well, I have to be on the set at 6AM."

"Fine. We'll have to do this again."

"Sure. My next off day is Sunday."

"Not mine."

"Oh well. Maybe our off days will overlap sometime in the next two months."

"One month."

"Huh?"

"One month. I'm only here for one month, then they're done with me."

"Oh."

"Yea, I'm doing a play at Duke that's going to Broadway in November."

"Live theatre, huh? That's pretty weird for a TV actor."

"This is my first TV series. Other than this it's been live theatre or film."

"Me too. Well, I need to get to bed," I said, put away my guitar and got ready for bed. "Night," I said as I shut off my light.

"Night," Michael said. He was reading.

Despite the fact that I was kinda excited about the first day of shooting, I didn't want to get up when the alarm went off at 5AM. I probably would have slept through the alarm if Michael hadn't woken me up so he could continue sleeping.

I got to the set on time and started working right away. The actors didn't show up 'till 7:30AM. Once shooting started, I stood around. It was very much a case of hurry up and wait. We'd get the scene and lighting set, and then stand around while the actors did their thing -- over and over again. How incredibly boring. I started rethinking my film choice. This was a long and tedious process, and boring as hell. I got back to my room around 8PM, took a shower and went straight to bed.

The next month went pretty much the same way. Get up at an ungodly hour. Hurry up and wait. Go home and sleep. Repeat. I actually did have a few overlapping off days with Michael. We would hang out playing guitar, or talking, or have philosophical debates about everything. We became pretty good friends. We hung out with some of the other actors & tech staff sometimes, but, being the youngest and under 21, were mostly left out when everyone went to a bar after work. The first month ended and Michael left. I was sad to see him go. We exchanged numbers and email addresses and he said he'd look me up when he was back in NYC.

The hours were better the next month of shooting, but it seemed more exhausting, and I missed Michael. I'd get an email from him about twice a week and would send as many. I had four different roommates of different guest stars. Most were okay, but not enough time to get to know them. Michelle and I became friends and hung out a lot on our off days. She was a pretty cool chick, even though she protests when I call her that.

Production ended and I went back to NYC after getting all my possessions from Chicago. I got a job running lights at a small off-Broadway theater. I talked via email with Michelle about twice a week, but the email from Michael dropped off to about one every two weeks.

Classes started at the end of August. Once again, I was hardly ever home except to sleep. Classes kept me busy, and when I wasn't in class I was working on a production. Underclassmen get to do all the grunt work at Tisch, while the graduate students get the designs. It kinda sucked, but I'd be in the other position in a few years.

It was late November. Saturday morning. Strike for "Cold Day's Journey into Night" was last night. We were on Thanksgiving break next week. I was asleep when Matt knocked on my door.

"Hey Jonah, you have a phone call."

"Take a message," I groaned and went back to sleep.

I got up a few hours later and stumbled to the kitchen for some coffee. Matt and Nicole were gone -- they were going home for Thanksgiving. I grabbed a banana for breakfast, my coffee, and flopped down on the sofa in front of the TV. My first day of vegetating since classes started and I was gonna enjoy it by doing absolutely nothing. I sat on the sofa in my boxers and watched SciFi. I was half-asleep when someone knocked on my door a couple hours later. It didn't register at first. My apartment building has a locked entrance, so it's pretty rare that anyone knocks on my door, and I wasn't very awake. I stumbled over to the door and opened it without looking out the peep-hole.

"Yea?" I said sleepily as I opened the door.

"Hey, Jonah," Michael said.

"Michael? What are you doing here?"

"Good to see you, too. I called earlier. Your roommate gave me directions and I slipped in when someone was going out."

"No, it is good to see you, just unexpected. I haven't checked my messages yet. Come on in."

He came in and I closed the door behind him.

"So what are you doing today?" Michael asked.

"Vegetating."

"Looks like it," Michael smirked pointing at the fact I was only in my boxers.

"Oh. Give me a minute to get dressed. Make yourself at home." I went to my room and pulled on some clothes. "So what brings you out? I haven't heard from you in a month," I said as I rejoined him in the living room.

"Sorry. Been busy."

"Yea. Tell me about it. This is the first day off I've had since classes started."

"Killer. Well, I'm in town now and have the next week off, so I thought I'd hook up with you and see if you wanted to do something."

"I'm just going to veg today. All day. I need it. I have the next week off as well, so we can probably do something in the next couple of days."

"You aren't going back to Chicago for Thanksgiving?"

"No. I was invited to a few places, but I need the down time."

"You're just spending Thanksgiving by yourself?"

"Yea."

"Come have Thanksgiving with my family."

"Thanks, but no thanks."

"Why not? There'll be plenty of food."

"Thanksgiving is a family holiday. I'd feel odd spending it with someone else's family."

"Don't worry about it. You shouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving."

"I'll be fine. Really."

"You're coming."

"No. I'm not even breathing heavy yet," I smirked.

"Dork. You're coming to Thanksgiving dinner at my place."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes you are, now get over it and stop arguing. You're not gonna win."

"It seems someone's grown a pair," I joked.

"And willing to use them. Dinner is at two. I'll pick you up at ten."

"Maybe. Now let me get back to my stupor. You're welcome to stay, but don't expect any intelligent conversation today."

"And how'd that be different from any other day?"

I just grunted, put my feet up and watched TV.

"This is mindless," Michael said after about an hour.

"Yea. Great isn't it."

"It is, actually. You mind if I get something to drink?"

"Help yourself."

Michael went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water and a bag of chips. He sat down beside me, took off his shoes and mimicked the same lounged position I was in.

"Goof," I said.

He just smiled and watched TV as he munched away on the potato chips.

We sat that way for hours, only getting up for food, drink or bathroom. I drifted in and out of sleep. Hardly anything was said. I couldn't do it very often, but it felt so good to have a completely decadent day of sloth.

I was going to go to bed at 2AM, but Michael was asleep beside me and slumped on my shoulder. Even though I knew there'd never be anything more than friendship between us, it felt good. I turned off the TV and went to sleep where I was.

When I awoke I was on my back with my legs across Michael's lap, and he was on his side with his head half lying on my stomach. It was an awkward position. I had a morning piss hard-on, or maybe it was the fact that Michael's arm was stretched across my crotch. To save us both embarrassment, I carefully disentangled myself from him and went to the bathroom. He was still asleep when I got back, so I decided to take a shower. I had to relieve myself in the shower -- meaning I jacked off. I'm sure it's some kind of sin to masturbate thinking about your straight friend, but too late for that now.

He was still asleep when I got out of the shower. I thought about waking him, but it was only nine, so no real reason to. I made a pot of coffee and sat on the fire escape drinking it and enjoying an unseasonably warm day.

About a half-hour later I heard Michael calling my name. I reached over and knocked on the window.

"Hey. There you are. Man, what a nice day," Michael said as he stuck his head out the window.

"Yea. Just sitting out here enjoying it. There's coffee, if you want some."

"Thanks," he said and disappeared, returning a few minutes later with a cup of coffee and climbing out on the fire escape with me. "This is one of the great things about New York."

"What's that?"

"Sitting out on the fire escape watching the city."

"Yea, it's really nice if all your neighbors aren't also out. They do have fire escapes outside of NYC, you know."

"I know, but it's not the same. It's part of the New York experience."

"If you start singing 'New York, New York' I'm gonna push you off."

"Sorry. I've just been away a lot recently, and when I come back it reminds me how much I like living here."

"No need to apologize. New York is a cool place to live, but still, if you start singing 'New York, New York' I'm gonna push you off."

"Better watch what you say. I'll sic Frank on you for dis'in' his song."

"And what? Throw his rotting corpse at me?" I laughed.

"Oh yea. I forgot he died."

"He also sang about Chicago, so he was a bit of a town tramp."

"Speaking of town tramps, what do you want to do today?"

"Ass. There's an exhibit I really want to see at the Guggenheim that closes Wednesday, but it's such a great day, I don't know if I want to be inside."

"Well, it's still early, and Central Park is right across the street," Michael hinted.

"That'll work. Let's get going."

"We need to stop by my place so I can take a shower and change."

"I know. I didn't want to say anything, but..."

"Whatever. We can stop by the bakery on the corner to get something for breakfast. You don't have any food here."

"What are you complaining about. If we're stopping at the bakery, then apparently you don't have any food either."

"I do so. As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure I have two boxes of macaroni and cheese," Michael said smugly.

"I'm sooo sorry. I was horribly wrong," I smirked.

We left and walked down the street to the bakery and got some doughnuts, turned the corner and walked another two blocks to Michael's apartment building. We climbed the stairs to the fourth floor and entered a small studio apartment.

"Just you here? No roommates?" I asked.

"Just me. I'd show you around, but...this is it."

"You need a bigger place."

"Why? I only sleep, read and shower here. It's big enough for that."

"And not much else. I guess you don't have people over very often."

"To this tiny space? Where would I put them?" Michael smirked.

"Go take your shower."

Michael took his shower, got dressed and we were out the door. We caught the train into Manhattan and then switched trains to go uptown to the Guggenheim. The exhibit was pretty cool, but the museum was crowded. We left after about two hours and walked downtown through Central Park. We took Broadway further down and Michael showed me where his show was running.

"So did it close? Why are you off this week?"

"That's the schedule. We have this week off. It starts up again next Wednesday and runs through mid-February. Then my contract is up."

"And then what?"

"Well, if I renegotiate and the show is still running, I can probably do the same, but I don't think I will. I'm sure I'll be quite sick of the role by then."

"I'll have to see it before it closes."

"Damn right you will. I'm pissed you weren't there for opening night. I told you about it months ago."

"That was months ago. I forgot, and I couldn't have gone anyway -- I was in production."

"I guess being in production is a valid excuse, but you should come see it. Just let me know when and I'll comp. you in."

"Thanks. That'd be great. Probably in December. There aren't any more shows I have to work on until January, and then I disappear until the end of March."

"Are you gonna work DC again?"

"I don't know yet. I've been talking with some people about doing some design work this summer. I'll have to decide before I leave for Europe. Did they ask you back?"

"Yea, they want me to join the regular cast. You're going to Europe? When? Why?"

"Congratulations."

"Yea, thanks, but I haven't accepted it yet. Now tell me..."

"You haven't accepted it? Why not?" I interrupted.

Michael sighed. "Because I want to get into film, so I'm hesitant to get stereotyped as a TV actor. What about Europe?"

"I'm going for three weeks in May."

"Did you get a touring gig?"

"Nope. Just traveling. Gpa's birthday gift to me."

"He died. Right?" Michael said hesitantly.

"Yea, but he'd been talking about this for years. For my 21st birthday he was going to send me to Europe for a month. The money is still there, but I can only take three weeks."

"That's so cool. Are you going by yourself."

"No, I'm sure there'll be other people on the plane."

"You know what I meant."

"Yea, I'm going by myself."

"In May, right?"

"Yea..."

"Would you object if I joined you? I mean, two people traveling together is safer than one."

"What type of traveler are you? Are you one who wants a big tour group and always complains about how things are different?"

"I hate tour groups, and I promise not to complain too much."

"Okay. That'd be cool. When we get back to my place I'll give you my plane info and what you need to get."

"You've already got tickets?"

"No, but I have all the info. I need to buy them sometime this month, or it won't get done."

"Just order two of everything and let me know how much I owe you."

"Okay."

"That is gonna be so cool. I'm getting excited already."

"I'm sure it'll wear off in the MONTHS 'till we leave."

We bummed around the Village the rest of the day, and then went back to my place, grabbing some movies along the way.

We walked in the door around nine and flopped down on the sofa.

"Let's order a pizza," Michael said.

"Speed dial five," I said and pointed towards the phone.

"I guess I'm ordering. What do you want."

"A large artichoke parmesan."

"Artichoke parmesan?"

"Yea. It's really good. You should try it."

"Okay. I'll eat anything once," he said and called to order the pizza.

"What do you want to watch first?"

"I don't care, but let's wait 'till after the food gets here."

I pulled both tapes out of their cases, closed my eyes, shuffled them and put one in the VCR. I turned the other one upside down so we wouldn't know which movie it was until it started.

"You got anything to drink besides coffee and water?"

"Yea, I think Matt left some Guinness in the 'fridge."

"Cool. Pizza and beer."

I laughed. "You don't drink much, do you?"

"No. Why?"

"Cause you think it's a treat to have a beer with pizza."

"Some of us aren't alcoholics."

"I don't drink very often, and I've learned to stop before I get sick," I jabbed.

"Hey. That was one night. Josh kept giving me another one, so who was I to say no."

"You had five," I deadpanned.

"How do you know?"

"Michelle told me. She said you had five beers over how many hours. You're even more of a lightweight than I am."

"Only five? I could have sworn it was more like ten."

"Only five."

"Well, there's only two beers in here, so you won't be able to get me drunk and take advantage of me tonight."

"You wish," I shot back.

Michael said something under his breath.

"What?"

"I said where's your bottle opener?"

"Second drawer next to the sink."

Michael walked out of the kitchen a minute later with two opened bottles of Guinness and set them on the table.

"Which one'd you put in?"

"I don't know. I shuffled them and closed my eyes."

Michael grabbed his Guinness and cautiously took a sip. He made a face.

"First time you've had Guinness."

"Yea."

"Quite a change from Corona, huh?"

"Definitely. I think I like the Corona better."

"After one sip? It's an acquired taste. Besides, the bottled version doesn't taste as good as the tap or can version. After you drink this you'll think all other beers taste like water."

"Probably."

"How's that joke go... Oh, okay. There's this beer convention and all the presidents of all the big beer makers are there. After the show, the presidents of Budweiser, Miller and Guinness decide to go out for a drink. The Budweiser president goes up to the bar and says, 'Give me a Budweiser, 'cause it's the king of beers.' The Miller president says, 'I'll have a Miller High Life, 'cause it's smooth and refreshing.' The Guinness president tells the bartender to just give him a soda. The other two presidents give him a weird look and he says, 'Well, if you're not gonna drink beer, then I'm not.'"

"Cute," Michael deadpanned.

"I think so."

The door buzzer went off. I buzzed the delivery guy in and Michael opened the door, cash in hand. A few minutes later we were sitting in front of the TV with all our supplies.

"It looks like mashed potatoes on the pizza," Michael said after I opened the pizza box.

"Try it. It doesn't taste like mashed potatoes." I hit play on the VCR and started eating.

The pizza was quickly devoured, as well as the beer. We settled back and watched both movies. Michael was asleep when the second movie ended around 1:30AM. For my own sanity, I didn't want to repeat this morning, so I got up and went to bed, leaving him a blanket.

I woke up around ten and stumbled to make coffee, after going to the bathroom. I turned on the pot and went to wake Michael up. He was gone. Why didn't he say anything last night about having to leave early? I called him and left a message wondering what was up. I guess I could get much needed housework done today.

I put in a load of laundry -- I now had my own washer and dryer for the apartment -- and then took the movies back. I bought some groceries, cleaned the apartment, and washed everything. I finished around 6PM, made myself a cup of herbal tea and sat down to read. The current author is Shakespeare, by the way. I went to bed by eleven.

I didn't hear from Michael for the next two days. I thought we were past saying anything that would upset the other person unintentionally, but maybe I said or did something. Anyway, I was still in bed when he buzzed the door at 9AM. I buzzed him in and unlocked the door as I went to make some coffee.

"Hey, man," he said way too happy.

"Did you disappear and get stoned?" I glared at him, still half-asleep.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean you show up on my door after not sending so much as an email in a month, spend the next 48 hours with me, and then disappear without warning, only to return three days later all happy and bubbly," I unloaded on him.

"Sorry. I'll leave and stop bugging you," he said sadly and started to leave.

"No you won't. Just tell me what's up. You're not bugging me. I value our friendship, but I just don't get it. One day you're all 'hey, let's go do something' and the next you disappear. I'm confused. What's going on?"

Michael looked at me, started to say something, stopped himself, and then said, "Nothing's going on. I'm just a little scattered from work and I forget to tell you things, or forget to call or write, and then it's too late. That's it."

That wasn't it. I could clearly see that it was something else, but not what that something else was. "So what's up today?" I asked after a minute.

"Thanksgiving..."

"Have fun."

"You're not coming?"

"No. I don't feel like being around people today. Sorry. Forgot to tell you. That's it."

"Why are you getting all bitchy?"

"Think about it, and then tell me the truth instead of some story about being scattered with work."

Michael looked at me, started to say something, and stopped himself -- again. He got up to leave. "I do have some things on my mind that I haven't sorted out myself. If I've hurt you, I'm sorry. That's not my intention. I never want to hurt you," he said sadly and left before I could say anything.

I sat there, confused as usual. What was up with him? Okay, I was probably being a bit harsh and bitchy, but that doesn't explain his hot and cold personality. I should just stop trying to analyze our friendship and accept it for what it is.

I spent the rest of the day reading or surfing the 'net -- anything to not think about Michael. Anything to not think about the fact that it was Thanksgiving and I was alone.

Friday morning Michelle called me. She was in town and wanted to hang out. I gave her directions to my place and got ready.

"Hey girlfriend," she teased as I opened the door.

"I am not your girlfriend, you fag hag," I teased back and hugged her. Yes, she knew I was gay. "I'm very much a man, and if you keep calling me your girlfriend I'll prove it to you."

"Promises, promises."

"Be careful what you wish for. Where are you staying?" I asked pointing at her bags she had with her.

"Nowhere, yet. I was hoping someone would offer me a place to stay. Hint. Hint."

"I hope that person shows up before it gets dark," I laughed, and got punched in the arm. "Ow. Quit it. You know all you had to do was ask."

"Thanks."

"No prob. You want some coffee?"

"Yea, thanks. So what have you been doing on your break?"

"Just relaxing. Michael popped in and out, but that's about it."

"Popped in and out?"

"Yea," I said handing her her coffee. "He shows up out of the blue, stays for two days, and then disappears. He showed up again yesterday and we had a fight about it."

"So has he told you?"

"Told me what?"

"Uh...that he was offered a regular cast spot on DC."

"Yea, but what were you about to say?" I said suspiciously.

"Nothing. That's it."

"You're not telling me something."

"And I'm not going to. So you didn't go to Thanksgiving dinner with him?"

"I guess you've talked with him. No. I didn't."

"You two can be such stuborn asses."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. So. What do you want to do today?"

"I didn't have anything planned. You tell me."

"Good. Then we're going shopping."

I groaned.

"I don't understand how you can hate shopping so much and still be gay," she teased.

"And I don't understand how you can be a blonde and still think about two things at once," I shot back.

"Right now I'm only thinking about shopping. I promise not to spend too much time looking at bras. So are you seeing anyone yet?"

"Nope. Single as always -- not that I'd even have the time to date someone."

"No one you even have your eye on?"

"Not of any mention. The guys I think are cute usually end up being straight."

"How do you know? Did you ask?"

"Oh yea, I can see it now. 'Uh, excuse me, but I think you're cute. Are you gay?' I'd get the shit beaten out of me."

"Yea, I can see where that would be a problem."

"Why the sudden interest in my love life?"

"No reason. Just asking. What about Michael?"

"What about him?"

"Do you think he's cute?"

"Yea, but it doesn't matter. He's straight. He's also probably never going to talk to me again after yesterday. I got over the possibility of him a long time ago."

"But you like him?"

"Yea, but as a friend the same way I like you."

"Not the same. He's a guy. He also doesn't know you're gay. Why don't you tell him?"

"What is this? Twenty questions?"

"Sure. Answer the question."

I sighed. "I haven't told him because I didn't want it to affect our friendship. Knowing that changes things with guys. Every straight guy thinks that every gay guy wants to have sex with him. Telling him I'm gay would be the same as saying I wanted to sleep with him."

"You do."

"I used to. Now, I don't know. Why are we even talking about this?" I said frustrated. "Let's just go shopping."

"Words I never thought I'd hear you say," Michelle smirked.

We took the train downtown and I followed her in and out of shops. It was kinda fun, but only because of the company.

"So why are you in town?" I asked.

"I've got an audition on Monday."

"And you're here a few days early?"

"I wanted to hang out with some people."

We hit a few more stores before Michelle got everything she wanted -- or is that everything we could carry? We dropped everything back at my place and then went out for dinner and a movie. When we got home, Matt and Nicole were back, and Nicole's brother was asleep on the sofa. We quietly went to my room.

"I guess you'll have to sleep with me," I said.

"No funny stuff," Michelle teased.

"Come on. Like anything is gonna happen."

"You don't find me attractive?"

"In a girlish sorta way, yea, but you're not my type," I teased.

"Oh, that's right. I don't have a penis," she laughed.

"And you just realized this?"

"Sometimes I forget," she smirked.

I gave her a t-shirt to sleep in, stripped down to my boxers and t-shirt and we got in bed. We cuddled up and went to sleep.

I woke up when I heard my door slam.

"What was that?" Michelle said sleepily. Her head was against my chest and her arm around me.

"My door slamming, I think."

Michelle rolled back and I got out of bed. She started giggling.

"What's so funny?"

She pointed at my morning hard-on. I quickly turned.

"It's a guy in the morning thing," I said, embarrassed, and adjusted myself to be less noticeable.

"And here I thought you were just happy to see me," she laughed.

"Not that happy." I pulled on a pair of pants and went out to the living room. "Did someone just slam my door?" I asked Matt, who was sitting on the sofa.

"Hey Jonah. Some guy named Michael was just here to see you. He went into your bedroom to wake you and then left. What's his problem?" Matt said.

"I wish I knew."

Michelle joined me at that point. "What's going on?" She asked.

"Michael was here, I guess."

Michelle started snickering.

I gave her a questioning look. She waved it away and tried to stop snickering.

"Oh my god. Aren't you on 'Dawson's Creek?'" Rick, Nicole's younger brother, said.

"You two didn't..." Matt hinted.

"Oh yes. All night long, and I do mean LONG. He was SO good," Michelle started and rubbed herself against me.

I pushed her off and held her hands so she couldn't paw at me. "No we didn't."

Rick just sat there with his mouth open, staring.

"Good, or I was gonna have to start telling girls I was gay if it meant I'd get a girl as cute as you," Matt said to Michelle, obviously hitting on her.

"Down boy," I teased.

"And it's talk like that that will closen your relationship with your hand," Michelle came back. She was quick and biting.

"Feisty. I like that," Matt said.

"Man, you're biting off more than you can chew," I warned Matt.

"Are you gonna say anything, or just stare at me like I have two heads?" Michelle said to Rick with a bit of humor in her voice.

"Sorry. I've never met anyone famous before," Rick stuttered.

"Now you have. I need some coffee," she turned and said to me.

"Yea, me too." We went into the kitchen and I made some coffee. Michelle opened up the window and climbed out onto the fire escape. It was kinda cool out, but not uncomfortable.

As soon as the coffee was done I poured us each a cup and crawled out with her.

"So what do you want to do today?" I asked.

"Actually, I promised Michael I'd spend today with him."

"Oh. Okay."

"Don't start getting jealous on me."

"I'm not."

"Whatever. I'll be back by ten at the latest."

"I'll be here."

We finished our coffee and then went inside. Michelle took a shower and left. I went to my room and read all day. I was asleep when she got back and Matt let her in. Rick had left, but she still climbed into bed with me -- I think just because she was uncomfortable with Matt's leering.

I woke up first and went to make coffee. Matt was just walking out the door and Nicole had a bunch of friends over. When the coffee was done I poured us some cups and went back to my room. Michelle was sitting up in bed looking dazed.

"Here," I said and gave her her coffee.

"You're a god. Thanks."

"Nicole has a bunch of friends over, so you may want to stay in here," I said as I sat down beside her.

"Thanks for the warning."

"So did you have fun yesterday?"

"You could call it that. You?"

"Not really. I had two friends in town and they both ditched me."

"You should have warned me you were on the rag."

"Sorry. So did you find out why Michael left so quickly yesterday morning?"

She started snickering and almost choked on her coffee. "He thought we were sleeping together."

I just looked at her.

"I set him straight," she added.

"So why would that freak him out, does he have a real crush on you?"

"Something like that," she snickered.

"You didn't tell him I'm gay, did you?"

"I should have, but no. I promised I wouldn't say anything and I keep my promises. You should just tell him; then you wouldn't have to worry about it."

"I don't worry about it except when you keep telling me I should tell him."

"Whatever. Let me take a shower and then you can help me with my audition."

"What if I already had something to do today?"

"Do you?"

"No."

"Then stop whining. We're going to dinner with Michael at six."

"And he agreed to that?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Oh? What is your problem? Do you want Michael as your friend or not?"

"Yes. No. I don't know."

"Well you better make up your mind and stop this little drama between you two or I'm gonna kick both your asses. I'm not gonna have two of my friends arguing over nothing. So you're a little dense and distant, and he's a little schizophrenic. You two were good friends at one time, and the only reason you're not now is because you're both caught up in your own little worlds of intrigue and conspiracy. Get over it. AAaa!" Michelle screamed after she finished her tirade.

"Sorry. I didn't realize you were stuck in the middle."

"I'm not stuck, but I am in the middle. When you two aren't arguing, it's a pretty good place to be -- surrounded by cute guys," she smirked.

"Stop it," I said bashfully.

"All I'm saying is... You know what I'm saying. Good friends you can trust are hard to find, especially in this business. Don't fuck up the ones you do find because of a misunderstanding. If you two would just talk honestly with each other about everything, you wouldn't have these problems. Now I'm going to take a shower," she said seriously and went to the bathroom.

I laid back on the bed and thought about what she said. She was right, of course. Michael and I got along great when we were together. It was just when we were apart that bad things happened. I do care for him, maybe even love him. It's said you can only truly hurt those who love you. I guess Michael and I loved each other a lot. I know I can be a bit distant because I know I could so easily fall IN love with him, and that would hurt more since he can't return that love in the same way. Wait. She said I was dense?

I took a shower after her, and then got us some food from the kitchen. We stayed in my room all day. I helped her with her audition material and we talked about nothing serious. It was a good day.

Finally it came time to pick Michael up and go to dinner. I'd already decided that I was going to apologize for being an ass and try to move on, but I was still a little tense.

We got changed and walked down the street to Michael's place. He was waiting for us on the stoop.

"Hey," Michael said, looking at me.

"Hey," I said, looking back at him.

"I'm sorry..." we both started at the same time and then stopped.

"Okay. You're both sorry for being an ass to each other. Let's go eat," Michelle said, taking charge. She hooked her left arm around mine, her right arm around Michael's and we started down the street.

Now Michelle is not a tall girl. Michael and I are tall -- but not girls. I looked to Michael and raised my arm a little. Michael noticed, smiled and did the same. We stepped off a curb and Michelle was airborne, walking on air. That was all it took and the ice was broken as we started laughing at her feet waving in the wind. We carried her between us for another block until we got to the train station.

We took the train into town. It was quite crowded, so we stood. A girl, probably around 17, kept looking at Michelle. She finally got up from her seat and came over to us.

"Aren't you somebody?" The girl asked Michelle without so much as introducing herself.

"We're all somebody," Michelle said a bit annoyed.

"No. I mean someone famous."

"I don't think so."

"Yea, I know. You're on 'Dawson's Creek.' I used to watch that show all the time. The guy who plays Dawson is sooo cute."

"Yea, he's a cutie alright," Michelle said and rolled her eyes.

"What about me?" Michael said.

The girl looked at him and then started screaming. "Oh my god! You're dating Leonardo DiCaprio!"

If I hadn't been holding onto the hand rail I would have fallen on my ass laughing. Michelle was the same. Michael looked hurt.

"Come on. Look again," he said.

"You're not Leo?"

"No. I'm Michael Pitt."

"Oh. I haven't heard of you. Are you famous too?"

"I guess not."

The girl looked confused at me and Michelle. The train came to our stop in perfect timing and we quickly got out. Michelle and I were still laughing our asses off.

"It wasn't that funny. Dumb bitch," Michael said all pouty.

"She was that. You look nothing like DiCaprio," I said.

"But it was that funny. 'What about me?' 'Oh my god. You're dating Leonardo DiCaprio.'" Michelle mocked and started a laughing fit again.

"Aren't you somebodies? Somebodies who are SUPPOSED to be my friends?" Michael pouted.

"And as your friends we're telling you that was funny," Michelle said and put her arm around him as we headed towards Little Italy.

I put my arm around him on the other side. "You'll wake up in the middle of the night and start laughing about how ridiculous it was. And it'll make a great story for an interview when you ARE famous."

We walked into Angelo's and got a booth. Michelle ordered a bottle of wine, so we had wine with dinner. It was a good dinner. It was a good time. We were there forever and went through two bottles of wine, two deserts each and a couple expressos. We took the train back to Brooklyn, dropped Michael off at his place and got to my place just before midnight.

"See. I knew you two could get along," Michelle gloated.

"No one likes a know-it-all," I teased. "What time do you need to get up?"

"By nine."

I set the alarm. We got cleaned up and went to bed.

I was up at eight because I had a ten o'clock class. I was ready to go before I woke Michelle with a cup of coffee.

"You're gonna make someone a great husband some day," she said as she sat up in bed and took her coffee cup.

"And that day is a long way away. I've gotta run. I should be back by five at the latest. Good luck with the audition," I said and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Thanks. Have fun in class."

I grabbed my bag and was out the door. I had to walk past Michael's apartment on the way to the station. An evil grin crossed my face and I ran up the steps to his entry way and pressed the buzzer to his apartment repeatedly until he answered.

"Yea," his voice groaned from the speaker.

"Is Leonardo there?" I laughed.

"Ass!"

"Mornin' Mikey. I'm just on my way to class and felt compelled to harass you. I've gotta catch my train. Later," I spoke at the box and then ran the rest of the way to the station so I wouldn't miss my train.

I was in a good mood all day. I sat in the Green Room between classes and had some decent conversations. Everyone seemed relaxed and in a good mood. Maybe it was the vacation, or the fact that there were no more productions the rest of the semester.

My last class ended at four and I caught the train back to Brooklyn. I was walking past Michael's when I heard someone yell my name. I looked up just in time to see a water balloon break on the sidewalk a few feet from me. Michael and Michelle were sitting on his fire escape with a bucket full of water balloons. I quickly ran to the entrance where they couldn't hit me.

"Your aim sucks!" I yelled up and pulled back against the door as a balloon splashed on the top step. A few more broke, but they couldn't get the right angle to get me. I tried to catch a few, but they broke. After a few minutes of this it stopped and the door buzzed open. I knew I could be walking into a trap, but I went in anyway. I looked up the stairwell and didn't see or hear anyone, so I slowly made my way up to Michael's apartment. I knocked on the door and quickly stepped aside.

Michael opened it. "Don't worry. We're out of balloons."

"I don't believe you," I said and backed down the hall.

"I told you we're out. Now come on in before the neighbors get scared," Michael said with his hands behind his back and a smile on his face as he slowly walked towards me.

"What are you hiding behind your back?"

"Just my butt."

"Let me see your hands."

He raised one, put it back, and then raised the other, and put it back. His smile got bigger as he closed in on me.

"Both at once, smart ass," I said.

"You mean like THIS," he said and rushed at me before pulling his empty hands from behind him, and started laughing when I braced for impact.

He was bent over laughing when I put my arm on his shoulder, and then quickly had him in a headlock. When he couldn't pull out he tried lifting me. I kneeled down and grabbed his leg with my other hand. He rolled back and straightened his body. I went rolling over him and hit the wall of the hallway. That was enough to break my grip on him and he jumped up, laughing. I lay on the floor laughing and groaning at the same time. He helped me up and we went to his apartment. Michelle was standing in the doorway snickering.

"Something funny?" I asked.

"Just watching boys be boys," she said amused and went inside.

"We'll let you join next time," Michael said.

"That's quite alright."

"So what do I own this 21 balloon salute to?" I asked.

"How about your 'it's 9AM and I'm up, I'll be a dick and get Michael up' this morning," Michael said.

"Oh, yea. That. How'd the audition go?"

"I think it went good, so that means it probably sucked. They didn't cast me on the spot. I'll know by Friday."

The three of us went out for dinner. We dropped Michael back at his place and went back to mine as before.

Michael showed up at my place at 8AM to take Michelle to the airport. I would have gone, but I had a 9:30 class. I stopped by Michael's on the way home and we hung out the rest of the evening.

Starting tomorrow we wouldn't see each other again unless it was very late night or very early morning. Mornings were out of the question for both of us and evenings could only be weekends for me if I was going to get up for my morning classes, and Michael was always exhausted after a show. I saw "Birdy" a week later. I was surprised when he got naked on stage. I couldn't do that. You really couldn't see anything, though. This is where I learned of Michael's post show schizophrenia. I saw it a little during DC, but film work is so start and stop that he never became immersed in his character. We went out to a diner after I saw the show and it was weird -- like there were three people at the table until the character gradually faded and left Michael, exhausted.

We hardly saw each other after that, though. I did order the tickets and passes for the Europe trip and he paid me his half right away.

Christmas was quickly approaching and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Everyone always gathered at Gpa & Gma's for Christmas day. That wouldn't happen this year. New traditions would have to be started. What was mine going to be? I could have stayed with any of my aunts and uncles, but that didn't feel right. I'm glad that Michael and I hadn't talked recently 'cause I know he would ask me what I was doing and then insist I spend it with his family. I would have to decline and it could cause an argument. Classes ended the week before Christmas, but I purposefully avoided Michael. I noticed some fliers around campus looking for volunteers to help serve Christmas dinner at shelters. I decided that that was what I was going to do, called the number, and was assigned to a shelter for abused kids in Brooklyn. Now that I knew what I was doing I could stop avoiding Michael.

Christmas shopping was easy for the relatives: cards. Michael wasn't too difficult. I got him "The Lord of the Rings" Trilogy. I couldn't believe he hadn't read that yet. Michelle, on the other hand, was difficult. She wasn't an avid reader like Michael and I, and I wouldn't even attempt to get her clothing. I didn't know what CD she would want as far as music. While playing on the 'net, though, I found it. She was a coffee addict like me. I got her a year membership in Gevalia Kaffe's Kaffe Club. She'd get a pound of really good coffee a month for a year. I called Michael and left him a message to stop by when he could to get his xmas gift. He showed up the next day around noon, bag in hand.

"Hey, stranger. I thought for sure you were avoiding me," Michael said as he walked in.

"I was."

"Why?"

"'Cause you'd ask me what I was doing for xmas and when you discovered I wasn't doing anything, you'd insist I join you."

"You're not doing anything for Christmas?"

"Yes I am. Now. I wasn't before."

"So you're probably not going back to Chicago. What are you doing?"

"Helping at the 39th Street shelter."

"You'd rather spend Christmas with strangers?"

"I'd rather spend Christmas helping kids who don't have a family than spend it feeling uncomfortable with someone else's family."

"I'm not saying that helping at a shelter is bad. It's cool, but I just don't understand why you always avoid family holidays."

"Because my family is dead."

"Your family is more than people you are related to. And even so, you said you have lots of relatives."

"I know, but family holidays are full of traditions. I need to find my own tradition, not latch onto someone else's until they die, too."

"I get it," Michael said as if he had reached an epiphany. "You won't allow yourself to get close in that way because you're afraid they'll just die and leave you again."

"That is so not true."

"Yes it is."

"You're whacked."

"Then prove it. When are you working at the shelter?"

"Christmas day. All day."

"The you're spending Christmas Eve with me and my family. All day."

"Michael..."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of... Forget it. Fine. I'll spend Christmas Eve with you and your family."

Michael smiled. "Good. Then you can wait for your present 'till then."

"Then you'll have to wait as well."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"So what'd you get Michelle?" Michael asked with a grin.

"A year in a coffee club. You?"

"Perfect. I got her a cool coffee pot and some cups."

"She'll think it's a conspiracy."

"Probably. You have any food here for lunch?"

"Strangely enough, I do."

"So let's eat. I have to leave in a hour."

"What's up? You don't have to be at the theater that early, do you?"

"Yea. Matinee today."

"On a weekday?"

"The day before Christmas Eve. At least I have Christmas Eve and day off."

We went to the kitchen and I started making us some grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. If Katie is known for her waffles, I'm known for my grilled cheese. I use big slices of bread, cucumber, tomato, sprouts, onion, mushroom and hot mustard, as well as cheese. One is a meal.

"I'll pick you up at noon tomorrow," Michael said as he left.

Since I was going to his house for xmas eve, I couldn't show up empty handed. I went out to try to find a simple family type gift. I finally decided on something everyone could use: chocolate. I spent the rest of the day being domestic. I sat down in front of the TV around nine and got caught up in a "Real World" marathon on MTV. I fell asleep on the sofa around 3AM.

I woke around eleven to the sound of 'NSYNC on the TV that was still on. I quickly shut it off, took a shower and made myself presentable for being with someone else's family for a holiday. I was ready at a quarter 'till and nursed a cup of coffee until Michael arrived. It was ten after before he rang and I buzzed him in.

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic..."

"You drove? Where'd you get a car?"

"It's my mom's. Let's go. I'm parked next to a fire hydrant."

I grabbed my gifts and we were off. We got on the Parkway and took 278 into New Jersey, then Michael took back roads up to West Orange. I was lost. We got to his parent's house around 1:30.

"Nice to finally meet you, Jonah. Michael talks about you all the time," his mom said as she shook my hand.

"Mom," Michael said and gave her a nasty look.

"I'm really not that bad. Here ma'am, I brought these for everyone," I said and handed over the box of chocolates.

"Thank you. These won't last long," she laughed and set the box on the table. "Ruth will be here at four and Ann is in the kitchen," she said to Michael. "Your father is in his study."

"Dinner is still at five?" Michael asked.

"As always."

"I'm gonna show Jonah around and then we'll come help with dinner."

"Shouldn't you say hello to your sister first?" His mom admonished.

"Oh yea," Michael said and started for the kitchen. "Hey Sis," he yelled in the door and rejoined me before I could even follow him to the kitchen.

His mom just gave him an exasperated look and went into the kitchen.

"Well, that was my mom. You can meet my sisters later. Let's go find my dad," Michael said and started up the stairs. I followed behind. We walked into the last room at the end of the hallway. "Dad. This is Jonah."

"Jonah. Nice to meet you," his dad said turning from his computer and standing up to shake my hand.

"You too, sir."

"So Mike tells me you go to NYU."

"Yes, sir."

"I went there myself. How do you like it?"

"I like it a lot. Keeps me very busy."

He laughed. "Yes. It will do that. Now if you could convince my son that he needs to get his education out of the way before he gets too caught up in acting..."

"I've already told him he should," I said.

Michael just rolled his eyes.

"I guess he doesn't listen to his friends, either," his father laughed.

"I'm gonna show Jonah around," Michael said and hopped up, trying to usher me from the room.

"Sorry about that," Michael said as we walked down the stairs.

"About what? Your father embarrassing you?" I joked.

"Yea," Michael groaned. "Grab your jacket. Let's take a walk."

We went out and walked around his neighborhood. He talked about growing up there. We stopped at his elementary school and played on the swings. We got back about an hour later and went to help in the kitchen. There wasn't much for us to do, other than set the table. We finished that and Michael asked me what I wanted to do.

"How about look at embarrassing baby pictures," I joked loud enough that his mom could hear.

"No!" Michael said firmly.

"Don't be like that," his mom said. "Come on, Jonah. I've got them all over here," she said and pulled me over to the sofa as she grabbed a couple album books off the bookcase. Michael gave me a "I'm gonna kill you" look.

I just laughed at him. "You insisted I come."

I sat down next to his mom as she went through all the pictures and told stories about him growing up. Ann added a few of her own. Michael sat slumped in a chair groaning. I loved it.

Ann's husband and daughter showed up at four with Ruth and her husband and four kids. The house became loud at that point and Michael's father finally joined everyone.

The little kids were hyper, as expected. Dinner was good and not too painful after we got past the fact that I didn't eat red meat and Michael's mom, after admonishing him for not telling her, tried make me something different than the ham they all had. I finally got her to relax about it. There was plenty of other food. I learned that they had xmas dinner here on xmas eve and then dinners with different grandparents and relatives on xmas day.

After dinner, Michael and I were charged with taking the little kids to the playground at the school and tiring them out a little while everyone else cleaned up. With the youngest being three and the oldest eight, we had our hands full. I'm not sure who tired out who. We got back an hour later and it was time for coffee and opening the presents.

Michael's dad called out the name on the presents and Julie, the three year old, handed it to each person. She was so thrilled at all these presents. It was cute. Michael had gotten me "The Complete Works of William Carlos Williams." Afterwards we had desert and sat around talking. It was an okay evening. Not as uncomfortable as I feared it would be.

Michael drove me back to my place. It was 2AM and he was obviously tired. I told him to park the car and crash at my place instead of crashing on the way back to his parent's. We found a parking spot only two blocks away.

"I'll get you some blankets for the sofa," I said as we walked in the door.

"Why the sofa? You let Michelle sleep in your bed," he joked.

"She's a girl."

"So? You've got a full size bed," he said and walked into my bedroom.

"Fine. Just try to control yourself better than Michelle," I joked.

"Uh, she told me you guys didn't..." He said hesitantly.

I laughed. "We didn't. When we went out to see who slammed my door, Matt asked if we slept together. She started pawing at me and said we did."

"Lucky you."

"Yea, lucky me. I get my friends into bed," I smirked.

"I'm dead. Can you set your alarm for eight? I'm gonna call and let my folks know I'm staying in town tonight."

I set the alarm and cleaned up in the bathroom while Michael made his call. I got undressed and got in bed while he went to the bathroom. He came out, turned off the light, got undressed and climbed in bed beside me.

"So did you enjoy yourself tonight?" Michael asked after a few minutes.

"Yea. Not as bad as I thought it would be."

"I'm gonna call your Uncle Joe and get him to send me a bunch of your baby pictures and tell me embarrassing stories about you."

"Good luck. He has an unlisted number," I laughed.

"So do I, but there are ways around that."

We lay there quiet for a few minutes.

"You know, I miss us being roommates. I know it was only for a month an all, but it made it easier to see each other even if we were busy," Michael said.

"Matt graduated and is leaving soon," I said sleepily.

"Have you found another roommate yet?"

"No."

"Now you have."

"Okay," I said just before I was completely asleep.

I woke up around five. I was disoriented because I felt someone spooned around me. I remembered Michael was in my bed and instantly tensed up. 'Why? Isn't this what I wanted? No. This wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want stolen touches. Why is this a stolen touch? It isn't. He is snuggling up to me. It's just natural when you are sleeping in the same bed with someone. It doesn't mean anything. Michelle and I snuggled and it didn't mean anything. I think way too much. I should just relax, enjoy it, and not make anything of it.' I eventually relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of the heat of his body against mine. I fell back asleep not too long after that.

My alarm went off at eight. I was on my way to sleeping through it when I felt Michael climb over me to shut it off. He sat on the edge of the bed and nudged me.

"Jonah. Wake up."

"Why?" I groaned.

"Because I'm up."

"So?"

"So you're not going to sleep while I have to get up," he said and started pushing my shoulder repeatedly.

"If you don't stop that I'm gonna have to kill you."

He continued. I reached up quickly and pulled him back across me as my other hand went straight for his ribs. He jerked violently and flipped around and off the other side of the bed, pulling all the covers with him, laughing all the while.

I sat up and was about to pounce on him when I looked out the window. All white.

"Damn. Look at that," I said as I got off the bed and walked towards the window. Everything was covered in white. We'd gotten a white Christmas -- with a vengeance.

"Man. There's got to be at least a foot of snow," Michael said as he joined me at the window.

"And it's still falling," I added.

"How am gonna get home in this?"

"I don't think you are until they get the roads cleared. And it's Christmas day so I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon."

"I think you're right. I'd better call my folks," he said, sat on the bed and picked up the phone.

I opened the window and stuck my head out. The first snow of the season and it was still mostly untouched and beautiful. I ran my hands through the snow that had collected on the fire escape. It was light and fluffy and slightly burned my fingers from the cold. I felt Michael stick his head out beside me.

"The first snow is so beautiful," he said.

"Yea. It's something else too," I said with a grin.

"What's that?"

"Cold!" I said and deposited as much snow as I could on the back of his neck before quickly pulling back inside.

Michael screamed and squirmed as he brushed the snow off.

"I guess I almost deserved that," he said as he closed the window.

"Yes you did. Let's go out and play in the snow before the plow trucks and dogs get to it," I said and started getting dressed.

"You're just like a little kid," Michael laughed.

"Thank you," I smiled. "You'd better get dressed or I'm gonna drag you out in the snow like that."

"All I have with me are my dress clothes from last night."

"Just wear something of mine. We wear the same size. Or we can walk down to your place and get you some clothes."

"I'll do both. What time do you have to be at the shelter? Are you still going?"

"At eleven. I don't know why not. It's still Christmas -- snow or not."

I finished putting on two pairs of socks and went to turn on the TV. I flipped around until I found a weather report. There were tons of closings flashing across the screen. We had gotten 18 inches and were expected to get at least six more. A snow emergency was declared and everyone was urged to stay off the roads. Trains were running, but sporadically because of short staffing. What a mess. Great!

I called the shelter and made sure I still needed to be there. The director said to come if I could make it in, but not to worry about it if I couldn't.

"I don't think I'm going anywhere today," Michael said as he watched the TV.

"Yea you are. You're coming to the shelter with me."

"How are we gonna get there? Are the trains still running?"

"Not often, but yea."

I put a pot of coffee on and we were out the door to Michael's place to get him some clothes. The snow was wonderful and plows hadn't hit the side streets yet. We had a blast. Snowball fights. Making angels in the snow in the middle of the street. We got to his place a half-hour later. He stuffed some clothes in a plastic trash bag and we headed back. The bakery was open so we got some pies and breads. The trek back to my place was shorter because we were loaded down and didn't play as much.

We got in the door and started peeling the layers off. We were both cold and wet.

"Now all we need is some hot cocoa," Michael said.

"Hot coffee good?"

"Close enough."

We had some coffee and a piece of pie for breakfast. I threw a doubled up blanket over the living room radiator and we sat on it to warm up. Steam heat may not be the most efficient, but it sure is comfortable. The hiss of the steam when you wake up in the morning. Being able to warm up on them after being outside. You can't do that with baseboard radiators or forced air heat. No, it has to be the big cast iron monsters.

I could have stayed there all day, but I had to get ready. It would take forever to get to the shelter. I took a shower first, got dressed and waited for Michael.

Once he was ready we trekked down to the train station. Fortune was with us and we just barely caught our train before it left. We got off at 39th Street and made our way the four blocks to the shelter. It was a dismal looking building with 5 dirty floors.

We gave each other a hesitant look before we opened the institutional glass door with the checked security wire and graffiti all over it. Inside it was less dirty, but very institutional. I rang the bell and we waited in the entry hall. A few minutes later a man, probably in his mid-thirties, opened the steel door.

"Can I help you?" He asked cautiously.

"Yea. I'm Jonah Mars. I'm here to help with the Christmas dinner."

"Oh, great! You made it. Not many have. Did you bring help?" He said warmly and shook my hand.

"Michael," Michael said and extended his hand.

"Flav," the guy said and shook his hand. "Come on in, guys."

We were ushered from the small vestibule into a slightly larger room and past a metal detector. Flav locked the door behind us and went to open the door at the other end of the room.

"Why all the security? Do the kids try to get out that bad?" I asked.

"It's not to keep the kids in. It's to keep anyone else out. Some crack parents get upset when you take their kids from them. They can't prostitute them anymore. Quite often they come try to get them by force," Flav explained as he closed and locked the second door.

"That's so sad," Michael said.

"Yea, well, that's the way it is. Don't start crying over that. There're enough stories like that here that if you let it get to you you'd never stop crying."

"How old are the kids here?" I asked.

"Five to fifteen. They all have issues. Don't worry about violence, though. The dangerous ones go to Queens. Anyway, you're probably wondering what you're going to do. Yea?"

Michael and I nodded.

"Well, it's going to be easier that you probably thought, or harder," Flav laughed. "You'll help serve the Christmas dinner, but until then you just hang out with the kids. Talk with them. Bring a little humanity back to their lives."

"This is their Christmas?" Michael asked.

"Such as it is. I know what you're thinking, and you're partially right. They don't get many visitors the rest of the year, but that's not for lack of effort. We have some great regular volunteers, but the holiday season is when we get the big influx of people trying to do good for a day," Flav said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

I didn't have anything to say to that. What could I say? Yes, I was just here for today and didn't think about the problems of the world when I didn't have to. Whenever I did it just depressed me.

"So why do you do it, Flav?" I asked as we were about to walk into the rec room.

He stopped and turned to us. "Because I can. I'm needed. And if I don't, who will?" He sighed, smiled and opened the door.

The huge room was full of kids. It was almost homey -- compared to the rest of the place we'd seen, anyway. There were different partitions in the room to keep it from being too huge feeling. Some kids were watching TV. Some were playing with toys. Some were listening to music on headphones. Some were playing ping-pong.

"This is it. When they ask, and they will ask, they can't go outside. I don't have enough jackets. Are either of you musicians?"

"I play guitar," Michael said.

"I play guitar and piano," I said.

"Good. There's a couple pianos through that door over there. They're in sorry shape and out of tune, but better than nothing. There is also a couple acoustic guitars in there. Most of them have all the strings. Come on over here and I'll introduce you to some kids. Then you're on your own."

Flav introduced us around and then left, saying he'd be around to get us in an hour when dinner was ready. He'd be in the kitchen we'd passed if we needed him. There were about three other volunteers, all around our age, in the room.

Michael sat down with some young kids and started talking with them and playing with the trucks. I could hear that someone was in the music room and went to check it out.

I opened the door and walked in. There were three kids, probably around ten, on the three different pianos. I stood there and listened. One would play something, and then another would try to repeat it, and then the other. They were pretty good at it -- especially considering that the pianos sounded like shit. The playing wasn't anything more than random notes, though.

"You guys are really good at this," I said.

"Who are you?" One of them asked as a challenge.

"I'm Jonah. Who are you?" I said back just as forcefully.

"I'm Joe, and they are Juan and Pete. Are you one of the bleeding heart volunteers?"

"Volunteer, yes. Bleeding heart, no."

"Yea right. He's a bleeding heart all right," Juan said.

"I'm gonna go spend some time with those poor kids in the shelter 'cause my presence will light up their lives," Pete said mockingly.

"If my presence lights up your life, then your life must really suck. I'm here because I didn't have anything else to do for Christmas because my family is all dead."

"Boo hoo," Joe smirked.

"Yea, boo hoo. So can you smart asses actually play something, or do you just pound on the pianos?" I challenged.

"Well, ya see, Jonah, the give us these piece of shit pianos, but they don't give us music lessons. Kinda shitty of them. Don't ya think?" Pete smirked.

"Would you even try to learn, or would you just complain about the music teacher being a bleeding heart volunteer?" I shot back.

"Are you offering to teach?" Joe said sarcastically, but with a glint of hope in his voice.

I laughed at that. "I couldn't teach you much. I'm not very good and hardly ever get to play anymore."

"But you can play?" Juan asked.

"Yea."

"Then play us something," Joe challenged and got up from his piano.

"Don't expect much," I said and sat down at his piano. All the keys were there. I did a slow chromatic scale bottom to top to see which keys were dead and how out of tune it was.

"Fuckin' genius," Joe said.

"Thank you," I shot back. "I'm just seeing how shitty this piano is before I start." It wasn't as bad as I feared. At least all the keys worked. It wasn't too badly out of tune in most places. Db, however, was way flat. No surprise there. Almost every piano I'd ever played had that problem unless it had recently been tuned. Maybe it's just a weird note to keep in tune. Anyway, I paused to think about what I could play all the way through without having any music in front of me -- and what could be a little impressive. I played Gershwin's Prelude #1, and then sat back and looked at them. I started laughing at the look of shock on their faces.

"That was awesome, man," Joe said.

"Yea, really," Pete added.

"Show us how to play that," Juan urged.

"Not likely. I think that's a bit too advanced to start out with," I laughed.

"Man, you gotta teach us how to play stuff like that," Joe said.

"I don't know. I mean, I am just a bleeding heart volunteer," I said like I was thinking it over.

"Don't get all throw it back in our faces, man. Just show us how to play something cool. We know you won't be back," Pete said.

"Ease up on the attitude. If you want to learn, I'll help. But if you're gonna be obnoxious, I'm not going to waste my time," I said.

We had a staring match. Me against the three of them. I won. They looked at each other and then turned to me.

"Okay. We'll give you a break," Joe said.

"Just show us how to play something," Pete said.

"Yea, man. Be cool," Juan added.

I paused and looked at them. "Okay. Do you just want me to show you how to play one thing, or how to play in general so you can learn more on your own?"

"Both," Joe said.

"We don't have time for both, dumbass," Pete said.

"You're not going to be able to play anything cool unless you know how to play first. The only think I could teach you how to play that doesn't require much skill is kiddy songs."

"We already know the kiddy songs," Joe said and played "Peter Piper" and that noise thing that everyone knows where you roll your fist across the black keys.

"Then let's start with how to play. Do you know the names of the notes or how to read music?"

"I know the notes, but not how to read music," Pete said.

The other two agreed.

"Play something else cool," Juan said.

"Uh, okay. Fast or slow?" I said.

"Fast," Pete smiled.

"You got it." I thought a minute about something fast. I considered Bartok's Bagatelle #2, but I don't think I remember it all. I started playing Bach's Prelude #2 from "The Well Tempered Clavier."

"I thought you said you weren't any good," Juan said.

"I'm not. I just had lessons for ten years, so I know a lot of things. Being able to play, and being good are different things."

"What else can you play?" Pete asked.

"Lots of things, but if I continue to play you won't learn anything. Pull the other bench over here and sit at the keyboard with me." They did so and the four of us sat along the length of the keyboard with me in the center. I started with explaining music basics like scales and intervals. After that I showed them how to hold their hands and properly hit the keys. To move things along I showed them how, if they stayed in the key, they could play something by hitting a note, and then added a chord over it that used that note. We were going over that when Michael walked in.

"Hey. It's time for dinner," he said.

"Can we come back to this after dinner?" Joe asked.

"Sure. I don't know why not."

"Cool."

The kids ran off ahead and I walked with Michael.

"Have fun?" I asked.

"Yea. You?"

"After I got past the attitude, yea."

"I think I may come back here."

"Yea. I've been thinking about that. Those kids really want to learn how to play piano. I suck, but I'm good enough to teach them the basics. I just don't know how much time I can give. I don't want to start, and then not be able to do it for a few months. It wouldn't be fair."

"None of it is fair," Flav said, who had apparently overheard me talking. "Something is better than nothing. I was watching you with those kids. You handled yourself pretty well."

"Thanks."

"Any time you can give... You're a student, right?"

"Yea."

"And you?" He asked Michael.

"Actor. Maybe student soon."

"So between classes and bussing tables you two can probably find some time."

"I'm a working actor," Michael said.

"And I'm a student at Tisch. When productions are going I hardly see my apartment, much less have free time."

"I understand. Just letting you know you're welcome whenever you have time. We do have a mentoring program as well."

"You were an army recruiter in a past life, weren't you?" I joked.

"Have to be. Just keep us in mind," Flav said and gave us our assignments in distributing the food.

Flav went to the front of the room and got everyone's' attention. He said a few words thanking the volunteers and said a short prayer. After that we brought out the food to each table and made sure everyone got a bit of everything. We sat down and ate after everyone else was eating. It was quite noisy in there, despite the fact that everyone was stuffing his face. We passed out desert after that.

Dinner was finally finished and we went back to the rec room. I rejoined Joe, Pete and Juan in the music room. We sat back down at the piano and started our lesson again. They were quick learners, but it would take time and practice for their fingers to gain some skill. I gave them some exercises to work on that just before we stopped a few hours later.

"So are you gonna be back or not?" Joe asked as I was getting ready to go.

"I don't know. Do you want me to come back?"

"If you want," he answered non-committally.

"Well, if I can make it back, then I will. But, I'm gonna tell you right now that I'm a student and don't have much free time, and I'm out of town a lot during the summer."

"So you're ditchin' us," Pete said.

"No. I'm just telling you the truth. If you expect me to be here every weekend, you're gonna be disappointed because I can't do it. When I can, though, I'll stop by."

"Whatever. Thanks for everything. See ya never," Juan said sarcastically.

"Okay," I said casually and walked out. There was nothing I really could say. They'd been abandoned, abused and whatever all their lives. Nothing I could say for a few hours every couple weeks or months would change that.

I joined Michael and Flav let us out. The snow had been plowed and shoveled and it wasn't pretty anymore. It was dirty. I was depressed. We didn't talk at all as we walked to the train station, nor on the train back, nor on the walk to my apartment.

"What are you thinking about?" Michael asked as we walked into my apartment.

"Just the whole day. They don't think I'll ever be back."

"Will you?"

"I don't know. I want to, but I don't want to. It's so hard..."

"I know."

"And once classes and productions start... Plus I've got Directing II this semester, which is going to take even more time."

"Why are you taking directing?"

"Directing I is part of the core classes for the department. I really liked it so I'm taking the next class."

"Are you any good?"

"I don't know. I enjoyed it. I got an 'A' in the class, if that means anything."

"That's so weird."

"What?"

"That you're a techie who enjoys directing. Usually it's actors who go into directing."

"Yea, I know. My advisor couldn't understand it. It's still design. Just a different medium. Instead of light and color, it's people in space and motion. I don't know what the big deal is."

"It's not a big deal. Just unusual."

"Sum sui generis," I smirked.

Michael paused for a minute and repeated the sentence a few times. "I am unique."

"Yea. Very good. You take Latin in school?"

"Yep. You?"

"One year, and one year of French. I know that phrase from a philosophy class I had, though."

"What do you want to do the rest of the night?"

"How about sit and watch something mindless on TV?"

"That sounds good, but let's get something to snack on. I could really go for some hot cocoa."

"We'll have to go down to the store."

"Fine with me. Let's go."

We bundled up again and walked the four blocks down to the little neighborhood grocery. Hopefully it would be open. It was.

Michael grabbed some hot cocoa mix and cookies. I grabbed some doughnuts for breakfast and a bottle of rum. Michael looked at me when I did that.

"What? If they card me I'll just have to put it back."

The old lady at the register barely looked at us, much less card me. She was involved with her game show on the little black & white TV that was balanced on a big jar of pickled eggs. I knew no one ever bought those things.

Michael started to fill the kettle with water once we got home.

"You could have regular cocoa, or you could have something better," I hinted.

"Rum?" He said with a grin.

"And other things."

"As long as it's good, warm and chocolaty."

"Yep," I said as I started making a pot of coffee. Michael went into the living room. I made the coffee really strong. I pulled out my largest mugs and dumped the cocoa mix in. Next I filled it a quarter of the way with rum. On top of that I filled the cup with the strong coffee and stirred. It's a drink my Uncle Joe taught me to make.

I carried the mugs into the living room and sat down on the sofa with Michael.

"Smells good," Michael said.

"Taste it," I urged and took a sip of mine. Oh, so good.

"Wow. You sure you put enough rum in it?" Michael joked.

"That's the recipe."

We sat back and enjoyed our drinks while watching TV. We drank pretty quickly and I could feel the warmth of the rum. I was a little heavy handed on the rum for the second round. Not to get either of us drunk, but it was a small bottle and rather than have a little left in the bottom, I just split the remainder.

We finished this round quickly as well. The lights were off in the room, except for the TV. We both had a warm buzz from the rum. It was cold and snowy outside. I felt so comfortable and relaxed. I put my arm around Michael.

"This has been such a nice Christmas. I'm glad you're here," I said and gave him a little sideways hug.

"I'm glad I'm here too," Michael said with a grin and hugged me back.

We looked at each other. He looked sleepy, and cute. I guess I wasn't thinking very clearly, because I leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. He didn't pull away, or laugh or hit me. In fact, he kissed back. Why wasn't I shocked? I mean, I was, but...it felt right. The kiss ended and Michael cuddled up to me and we continued to watch TV. What just happened? I'm so confused. I'm not confused about how good it feels to be with him and how good I feel at this moment, though.

We eventually went to bed. My bed. Both of us. Michael curled around me and we were out instantly.

When I woke up, Michael was gone. His clothes were still on the floor though, so he was still here. I got up and walked into the living room. He was there on the phone talking in hushed tones to someone. I left him and made some coffee. He came into the kitchen a few minutes later and sat at the table.

"Can we talk?" Michael asked.

"Sure."

"I mean really talk," he added seriously.

"Yea. What's up?" I said as I handed him his coffee and sat down at the table.

He took a sip of his coffee and held it, staring into the cup. "I don't want you to freak out or anything. Promise me you won't," he said without looking at me.

"As long as you didn't kill anyone," I joked.

"I'm serious," he said and looked at me with tears starting in his eyes.

"Okay," I said, now concerned.

"I...um..."

"Just tell me. I promise I won't freak out."

He sighed and took a deep breath. "I'm think...no, I know...I'm in love with you," he said slowly.

Wow. His words hit me like a dam breaking. All the feelings I'd repressed for him came flooding back. Now I actually do have a chance -- more than a chance. Here he was telling me that he had the same feelings. Then it occurred to me that we were both in love with each other and trying not to show it. How stupid. Michelle is right, I am dense. I started chuckling at the absurdity of the situation.

"I tell you that and you laugh at me?" Michael said hurt and angry, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked at him and there were tears rolling down his face. I realized I hadn't said anything since he told me.

"I'm not laughing at you, Michael. I'm laughing at how stupid this is."

"Well I'm glad my feelings are so stupid and funny to you," he said sarcastically and stormed from the room.

I ran after him. "Michael!"

"Just leave me the fuck alone," he said as he pushed me away on his way to the bedroom to get his clothes.

"Michael..." I started as I moved to block his exit from the bedroom.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything, but I never expected you to react like this. Why won't you just let me go?" Michael interrupted.

"Will you just shut the fuck up for one minute!"

"What?" He asked a bit taken aback.

"I was laughing because this is an absurd scene, but let me finish before you get pissed off again. The reason it is so absurd is that I've been trying so hard not to fall in love with you for a long time," I continued.

"Really?"

"Really."

"So all this time we've both been hiding the same thing from each other?"

"Apparently."

He started chuckling. "I guess that is a little funny, in a twisted sorta way."

"Some would even say bent," I said, pushed the bundle of clothes in his hands to the floor and we hugged for what seemed like forever. This was what I wanted. This was what I needed.

When we finally parted we each had a smile on our face. We just looked at each other. Was this real? Is this really happening, or am I going to wake up? Michael leaned in to gently kiss me and then pulled back.

"Yes, it's real," he said almost to himself.

I smiled. "Let's go have breakfast."

We went back into the kitchen and sat down at the table facing each other.

"So what made you decide to tell me this morning? I mean, I'm really glad you did, but why?" I asked.

"Yesterday. Last night. It just felt...right. Ya know? Like it was...comfortable -- like it was supposed to be... And when I woke up this morning you were holding me. I loved that feeling and thought maybe it could happen. I needed to talk to someone, so I called Michelle and told her what happened last night and then this morning and she said if I didn't tell you right away she was going to do it."

"I'm glad she scared you into it. She's been telling me I should tell you I was gay for months."

"Same here. She could have saved us a lot of grief if she wasn't so good at keeping secrets."

We ate in silence for a few minutes.

"So what now?" I said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what now. I've never been in this situation before."

"You've never dated anyone before?"

"Yea, but I didn't love them. I hardly knew them when we started dating and it didn't last long. I've never had my best friend, who I AM in love with, turn out to be gay and in love with me too. It's like...It's like starting in the middle. We already know a lot about each other."

"Good. Then we can skip to the hot monkey sex part," Michael grinned.

"I'm not into bestiality," I smirked.

"You know what I mean."

"Yea, but... Have you ever had sex before...with a man?" I asked hesitantly.

"Just myself," Michael smirked. "You?"

"Ditto."

"Cool, then we don't have to worry about STDs -- unless you are an IV drug user or had a blood transfusion."

"Nope. I'm totally clean."

"Actually, you could use a shower."

"Dork."

"But a cute dork?"

"I think so."

"Then that's all that matters."

"You never answered. So what now? Are we dating? Are we married? Are we just friends? How do we do this? Especially with the semester starting and your career keeping you so busy we never see each other."

"Well, we're not married, but we're more than friends. I think we know each other too well to say we're just dating? How about we're just together?"

"Just together. I can deal with that."

"Good. I don't know about our schedules, but when I move in we'll at least see each other in bed."

"You're moving in?" I asked, confused.

"I thought I was," Michael said hesitantly. "Don't you remember telling me that Matt was moving out and saying it was okay for me to move in two nights ago?"

"I must have been asleep. It's still cool, though. I just don't remember it. When does the lease end on your apartment?"

"Whenever I want. It goes month to month."

"Well, since you're hopefully going to be sleeping in my bed, I don't see any reason why you should wait for Matt to leave."

"Do Matt and Nicole know you're gay?"

"Of course. I told them before I would let them rent from me because I didn't want to have to worry about some psycho homophobe if I did ever find time to date someone."

"That's good."

"What about your folks? Do they know?"

"Yea. Oh shit. I need to take my mom's car back or she'll never let me borrow it again," Michael said and got up to go get dressed. I followed him. "Can you go with me?"

"Uh, I'd actually hoped to do some shopping," I said.

"For what? Christmas was yesterday."

"Beginning piano and music books. I'm not going to be able to get to the shelter very often, so I want to give them the help to learn on their own."

Michael stood up and gave me a quick kiss before putting on his shoes. "Okay. I'm gonna take my mom's car back. Take the train back in. Stop by my place and get cleaned up, and then it'll probably be time to go to the theater. I'll be done by midnight. Will you still be up?"

"Why don't I just meet you after the show and we'll come back together?"

"That'd be great. Thanks," Michael smiled and gave me another quick kiss. "Gotta go. Come to the stage door around 11:30. I'll tell security I'm expecting you. Later."

"Later."

And he was out the door. I took a quick shower and got dressed before heading out in search of music. There was probably some place closer, but I took the train into campus and went through the bookstores there. I got the Thompson grade one through six, some easy piano books of classical and rock stuff, and a book of easier JS Bach pieces. A few stores later I found a music theory book that was simple enough and got that, as well as a couple notebooks of staff paper. This should keep them busy for at least a year. I took the train back and arrived at the shelter at a little past five. I gave Flav the bag with the books and left. I'd decided that I'd rather them think I split for good instead of showing up for a day and disappearing for 3 months only to show up for another day and repeat. I don't know if that's better or worse, but it's the way I wanted it.

I got home and decided to give Michelle a call.

"Start talking. If I'm home and I want to talk to you, I'll pick up," Michelle's answering machine said.

"Pick up, Michelle. It's Jonah."

The phone clicked. "What if I'm not home?" She said.

"Then I'll talk to your answering machine. Not much difference, really," I joked.

"Did you want something, or did you just call to insult me?"

"A little bit of both," I smirked.

"Okay. What?"

"Michael told me something today," I hinted.

"And..." She said excitedly.

"And I agreed with him. He really should get his mom's car back before she got mad."

"That's what he told you? I'm gonna kick his ass so bad."

"It would have made our lives SO much easier if you let it slip."

"Okay, ass. So he did tell you. What happened?"

"Um, I think we're together now," I smiled.

"It's about damn time. What do you mean 'I think'?"

"No, that's not right. We are together, but we just talked for a half-hour and then he had to take back his mom's car. So we're together, but nothing's changed yet."

"Well, what did you expect?"

"I didn't expect anything. I never thought this would happen. It's so new that it's not real yet."

"It's real, and about time. I thought I was going to go crazy watching you two lusting after each other, but whining about how it'd never work whenever I'd bring it up. I was almost to the point of locking you two in a room until I heard the bed squeaking," Michelle laughed.

"Sick! You have the mouth of a sailor sometimes."

"Sick? Come on. You know you want it," she teased.

"Yea, but that doesn't mean I want you listening and commenting on it," I shot back.

"Good. 'Cause I really don't want to hear it either. Listen, I'm on my way out, so we'll have to pick this up later. Okay?"

"Okay. Later."

"Bye."

Okay. Now what do I do. I don't think we'll do anything tonight, but I should be prepared -- just in case. Am I ready for this? Do I want Michael to be the one? Oh, god, yes. I'm sooo ready. I put my jacket back on and literally ran to the store to get condoms and KY. I took everything out of the box and put them in my top drawer when I got back. I sat down on the sofa with a book and tried to read. No good. I couldn't focus. Okay, maybe I should try to take a nap. I set the alarm and lay awake for a half-hour before drifting off. I woke up an hour later still excited. Come on, Jonah. Even if something does happen tonight, it's just sex. Yea right! Just sex with a beautiful man you've been lusting after for the past seven months. Just sex with your best friend. Okay. Calm down. Stop torturing yourself. Just let it happen.

I knew there was no way I was going to be able to sit around the apartment, so I decided to go into the village. I walked around checking out shops until I ran into some people I knew from Tisch, and joined them at a coffee house for a few hours. I left at eleven and walked to the theater.

I went around back to the stage door and pressed the buzzer. I stepped back and looked up at the camera so the guard could see I wasn't some wino trying to get in. A minute later he opened the door.

"I'm Jonah Mars. Here to see Michael Pitt," I said and showed him my ID.

The guard checked my ID, and then his list of names.

"Come in," he said. I waited for him in the vestibule. "Stay here. I'll let Mr. Pitt know you're here."

I sat down on the bench and waited. Five minutes later Michael came through the door, looking barely awake.

"Hey," he said softly and gave me a light kiss.

"Hey. You look dead."

"Then I look the way I feel. Let's go home."

"How'd the performance go?" I asked as we walked to the train station.

"The first act sucked because I had someone on my mind," he said with a small smile. "But I pulled it together for the second act. I don't think anyone in the audience noticed."

"That's good. You'll have to work on your concentration," I teased.

"Yea. What'd you do?"

"Try not to think about sleeping with you tonight," I smiled.

"Then it was time well spent 'cause I'm not up for anything but sleep tonight. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. The first time we...make love, I'd prefer you don't fall asleep," I smirked.

"Me too."

We were quiet the rest of the way back to my place.

"I need to take a shower," Michael said sleepily as we walked in the door.

"Okay. Allow me," I smiled and kneeled down to take off his shoes.

Michael giggled a little and let me take off his shoes and socks. I pulled his shirt off next. His eyes were sleepy slits, but his smile was ear to ear. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and hugged him before I took a deep breath and unbuttoned his pants. I pushed his pants and boxers down together and he stepped out of them. Exhausted or not, he was erect.

"Not that tired, huh?" I smirked and gave him a kiss.

"Mind of it's own. Your turn," he said and pulled my shirt off. He then kneeled down and took off my shoes and socks before unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down.

He looked straight at my erection and stood up. "Must be contagious. You've got the same problem," he smiled.

"I think so."

We went to the bathroom and I got the shower ready. We stood in the hot spray of the water. Our bodies touching completely on one side. I grabbed the soap and pushed Michael back out of the water. I washed him quickly, but not roughly. If I would have done it slowly and enjoyed the touch I would have shot my load right then and there. When I got to his crotch, I handed him the soap.

"I don't think I'd better right now," I said.

"You're probably right."

He washed the places I wouldn't and then washed me -- allowing me to wash my places. Michael got out of the shower to dry off and I turned the water to cold to calm myself down. It took a minute.

Michael finished drying off, brushed his teeth and walked straight for the bedroom. I wasn't too far behind him.

He crawled into bed and held the covers back until I got in. I pulled the covers up over us and snuggled Michael in my arms.

"'Night, Michael. I love you," I whispered and kissed him on the back of the neck. He mumbled something and pulled my arm a little tighter around him. He was already asleep. I lay awake for a while, just holding him. Just feeling his naked body against mine.

Comments welcome and encouraged. jm_stories@yahoo.com