Could this be the big moment you've been waiting for? Only one way to find out...
Welcome to "Lance's Search," a multi-chapter exploration of a young man discovering himself. As much as I would suspect otherwise, I have no actual proof of the sexual orientations of Lance Bass, Justin Timberlake or JC Chasez. Consequently anything you read in this story is the product of the mind of its author. That said, this story attempts to take a realistic look into the thoughts and feelings of a guy as he discovers the pains and the joys associated with loving his fellow man... or his fellow band mate as the case may be.
If you have any comments, please e-mail them to bjluver@gay.com. Otherwise, enjoy the story.
BJ
Previously on Lance's Search...
"So does any of this have anything to do with why you were sitting in your car this afternoon crying?"
"Well, sort of. I had just done, or almost done, kinda done something I wasn't proud of, something I had told myself I'd never do in my life. It hurt me. I was ashamed and sick to my stomach. I'm still ashamed."
"Hey man, whatever has past is in the past now. Learn from your mistakes and move on. That's all you can do and it's a lot better than beating yourself up over and over again. Trust me, I've done a number of stupid things in my life I wished I hadn't, but I can't change what has already happened. I just keep on searching for the right thing for me, hoping that whenever that right thing is in front of me I'll recognize it instead of continuing the search."
JC's words about being on a search struck a cord with Lance. He too had been on a search for these past months. Could it be that both of their searches had led up to this moment? Should he take the next step now? Was the potential gain worth the risk involved? Lance decided it was.
"JC. There's something else I really should tell you."
Chapter 31
"There's more?" JC said warily.
"Yes. Another secret."
"You're not gonna tell me that someone else in the group is gay too, are you?"
"No, I'm not going to tell you that," Lance responded, thinking to himself that Justin needed to be the one to tell JC. Besides he really didn't want JC's mind to wander right now. He wanted to have his full attention.
"So, what's the next secret then?"
There, sitting on the couch in JC's house, were two gorgeous young men - friends already. Co-workers. Band mates. The idols of millions of teen-aged girls, and a fair number of boys as well. Lance looked up into those blue eyes. The reflections of candles danced in those eyes, while other candles behind the taller boy gave him sort of a halo. Lance was entranced.
"JC, I know this is sudden and all, but... OK, here goes... Josh, I think I may be in love with you."
JC sat there, staring into Lance's green eyes. These eyes he had looked at so many times before, catching glimpses here and there. Trying to be as innocent as possible. He had a lump in his throat. He could feel his own eyes beginning to fill with liquid.
Lance, of course, became panicked by the lack of any immediate response. 'Oh shit! I screwed it up already," he thought to himself. "Look, JC, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I guess it was the wine. I'm sorry. Maybe I should be going."
JC sat there with a slight smile on his face. Lance saw it. "What? Say something, anything. Please."
Then JC began to speak softly. "You know, James. I guess you apologizing like that so quickly is just one of the reasons I fell for you a long time ago."
"Fell for me?"
"Yeah. Couldn't tell you exactly when it was. But somewhere along the way, I found myself watching every move you made when you weren't looking. And at times, when you weren't around, I'd be thinking about you. But I never thought you would understand. I figured your religion wouldn't allow you to understand. And the thought of you hating me because I loved you drove me into my own kind of depression."
"Is that why every time we toured you'd get more distant from the rest of us as the trip went on?"
"Yeah. I guess so. It was my way of coping, I suppose. Staying in my own little closet. Fantasizing about something I thought was impossible. And now..." JC paused. He just stared deeply into Lance's eyes. Lance gazed back. His eyes also began to fill with liquid from his tear ducts.
Then, as if in a magnetic field, both bodies began to lean forward slowly, gradually. When their faces were inches apart, each closed his eyes and tilted their heads in opposite directions. Soon, their mouths were breathing in virtually the same air. As one exhaled, the warm air passed into the other's mouth. The gap narrowed. The lips touched lightly, then parted. Lance could really hear his heart beating wildly. He leaned in once again and his lips locked with those of JC's. His arms moved forward as he felt hands on his back. He embraced his friend. The kiss became more passionate. Lance had never felt like this before. It was like electricity was surging through his body. He could feel his toes curl.
The kiss gradually ended. The boys each opened their eyes. Tears were running down their cheeks. But these droplets were not caused by sadness. Joy caused them. Love caused them. And each understood, smiling broadly. Neither had to ask why the other was crying. Lance wiped away the tears on JC's face. Josh did the same for Lance. They stared at each other for another moment without uttering a word, completely content with the silence.
The two pairs of lips met again. They seemed to fit together perfectly. A matched set. JC's tongue probed Lance's lips, which parted enough to let the tongue enter the blond boy's mouth. There it met its mate and the two tongues bathed each other, trying to taste every possible inch of the other. Eventually, JC began to lean backward, pulling Lance with him until JC was lying on his back with Lance's body on top.
How long the kissing, probing and touching went on is anyone's guess. No one was clock watching. For all they knew, the world could have stopped spinning. They moved around a lot on that couch. They each had erections in their pants and could tell the other did. But the pants never came off. Neither did the shirts. Tonight was not about sex. Or even lust. It was about love. A love that had been smoldering beneath the surface for far too long, and now burned brightly in the open air.
Gradually the kissing slowed down. Again they stared and smiled broadly at each other. Eventually, Lance broke the silence. "Josh. I'm kind of a traditionalist in some ways, I guess. Would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?"
JC's smile seemed to grow even wider. "I like tradition too. And I would do you that honor if you would also be my boyfriend."
Lance chuckled. "I guess I thought that would be a given if you were my boyfriend, but yes, I would love to be your boyfriend."
"Well, in that case, my boyfriend, you should know I always like to be taken out on a few dates before going beyond first base."
Lance laughed again. The kind of laugh he had missed for so long. "OK. I can certainly oblige you. Josh, I'd like to ask you out on a date. Are you available tomorrow night?"
"Well, I'm not sure. Maybe I should check my calendar," JC teased.
"Hey!"
"Oh, I just remembered. I have this hot date with this gorgeous blond guy already scheduled."
"If it's anyone other than me, cancel it."
"Well, what do you know, you do happen to be that gorgeous blond."
"That's more like it. Say, if I'm gonna take you out on a date, I'd better be getting home. What time is it anyway?"
JC stared around for a clock. "Man, it's almost 4 a.m."
"So that date I guess is really tonight instead of tomorrow."
JC just chuckled. "Guess so. I seem to recall that we left your vehicle at the shopping center. Why don't you spend what's left of the night here?"
With feigned shock, Lance said, "Why Mr. Chasez, how could you ask such a thing? Would it not be improper before our first date?"
"It could be our dirty little secret. Something we'll deny to our grandkids later in life."
Lance just smiled and slowly shook his head. He was definitely in love with this guy.
"Surely we can trust each other to sleep under the same roof without giving in to our carnal pleasures for a night. But I sure would love to share my bed with you tonight. No hanky panky. No sex. No naked bodies."
"I would like nothing better."
JC took his boyfriend's hand and led him to his bedroom. Each got ready for bed separately in the bathroom. Lance went first. He came out to a room illuminated only by what light escaped through the open bathroom door. Lance was wearing a T-shirt and his boxer briefs. As JC made his way to the bathroom, Lance sat down on the bed, waiting for JC to return.
"Well, go on and get in bed," JC said as he turned off the bathroom light and walked into the bedroom.
"I didn't know if you had a favorite side or anything like that."
"Not really. Just get in and I'll get in on the other side."
Lance decided to get in on the side farthest from the bathroom. He then watched as JC, clad in a wife-beater and boxers, crawled in next to him. The two faced each other. Gave each other light kisses.
"This is the sight I hope I will fall asleep to and wake up with every day for the rest of my life," JC said softly. "Good night, sweet prince."
"Good night, my sweet prince."
It wasn't long before each drifted off to sleep, content lying there in the arms of the other. Feeling warm, safe and loved.
To be continued...