Long Weekend

TheDevilNinja's note for Chapter 4:

Firstly, thanks to everyone who has emailed comments regarding the piece to me - I have appreciated all of them. IF you want to comment again or drop me a line, please feel free to do so.

Chapter 4 was written a couple of years ago (!), probably 2 years after chapters 1-3 and was heavily and extensively rewritten and edited several times since then. I intend to leave it as it is now and just publish the damn thing, otherwise it will sit here for another couple of years. So here it is.

Be advised - it's a biggie, coming it at approximately the same length as chapters 1-3 combined. Not a patch on Chapter 7, though, which is twice as long as this, but still a bit of an ask. I should probably break this into two pieces, like Kill Bill, but that would take more time and planning and I've decided to just not do it.

Hope you enjoy.

-tdn

1. The Ballad of Alec and Matt

"I'll go," Max offered, pushing himself away from the counter and heading down the narrow corridor towards the rear of the house.

"Shot," Simon replied as Damien watched the retreating figure. "Such a nice boy, young Max. Well trained, too."

"Yeah, right. Nice one, Simon," Max retorted as he turned the corner. Days where everyone was at the house were entertaining, he thought, but one can have as much fun when they aren't. Or, at least, when some of them aren't. Max certainly didn't have anything against the other guys, but they did prevent him from enjoying his favourite pastime. And, as a result, today's activity would have to be severely cut short, too. Fortunately, though, with everyone else down in the lounge eating, he should have an extra minute or two to himself.

By force of habit, he quietened his step. Stealth was the key to being a successful voyeur, after all. Fortunately for him, his two favourite subjects were less cautious than most others, probably because Alec's room in the house was right at the back and there was little chance of anyone looking for them. As a result, with a little careful maneuvering, one could watch Alec and Matt having sex fairly often, without fear of being discovered.

Max approached the door and stepped past it. Alec never shut it, just pushed it closed about 80 percent of the way. Cautiously, he leaned forward and down and pressed his eyes toward the lower of the two hinges as he got down to his knees. As he had suspected, as was so often the case, Matt and Alec were certainly enjoying each other, both naked and erect, Alec on all fours with Matt behind, his cock buried deep in Alec.

Max's vantage point was ideally placed - the headrest of the bed was up against the wall he was leaning against, so one could look out the large windows while lying down, and still be almost hidden behind the door. Since the other two seemed to enjoy looking out of the window while they enjoyed one another's attentions, Max practically had a porn director's seat for the action.

He could clearly see Alec's balls swinging between his legs, and had a full side view of Matt, and his superb six inches sticking out of his heavily trimmed pubic bush like a sapling on a stately lawn, plowing away. Max knew it was circumcised - in fact, he was pretty sure that they all were, except Simon - and he could also see Matt's large, impressive balls bulging in his scrotum, hanging down quite far between his legs. In fact, from his hidden place, he could see the two pairs of balls bouncing against each other occasionally, as Matt thrust deep into Alec.

As he watched, Matt detached from Alec and, in their standard practiced way, Alec rolled onto his back as Matt flipped around and sat astride him, pulling off the condom. By now, their faces were in each other's crotches, and Max braced for the finale, his own seven inches stretching the front of his boxers, needing release. With two fairly quiet grunts, and a distinctive moan from Matt, the two of them came, within about three seconds of one another. From his point, Max could see Alec's balls tighten as he twitched and Matt enveloped his cock in his mouth as Alec unloaded. Likewise, Matt's spasming cock was engulfed by Alec as he fired off his trademark five spurts. Both of them held each other's cock in their mouths for about ten seconds, before Matt climbed off Alec and they kissed, each other's semen dripping out of their mouths as it did so frequently. Max was able to appreciate the spectacle, hidden away, and enjoyed watching the last few drops of backsplash fire out of Alec's cock as he reached for some tissues to clean them up. As always, that was Max's signal to leave; Matt would kill him if he knew.

"Alec, Matt. breakfast ho!" he called over his shoulder as he crept away.

"Brilliant! Give us a sec," Matt replied. To Alec, he said "I have been looking forward to this since last night, you know. Absolutely love Simon's eggs."

"I got a good eyeful of Simon's eggs this morning," Alec replied, a twinkle in his eye, as he mopped the mixed semen off his chin and chest.

"You what? Hang on. how?"

Alec recounted the events of the early morning coffee-run from the time he had left Matt struggling with morning wood to his surprise interruption of Simon and Nick's pre-breakfast snack. He knew better than to include the incident with Chris, though. While that part of their lives was definitely over, it would not be a good thing to admit to playing with your ex-boyfriend's cock, the same ex-boyfriend who you were going to be spending a long weekend with. While Matt didn`t seem to be the jealous type, Alec wondered if that was only because he had never had reason to be.

Alec knew that he and Chris were not destined for anything other than regaining their friendship at the moment; and that was something which had taken a massive hit after their affair. However, with him and Chris knowing each other so well, and easily knowing what each other would need, it would be easy to start another relationship, with the best of intentions of keeping it purely physical. Of course the emotional attachment would get in the way eventually - it would have to, and they would acquiesce to knowing that from the start - but they could pretend that it wouldn't for the first month, and pretend to enjoy just being fuck- buddies as opposed to boyfriends. And he knew that they would both jump at the chance, were Matt to disappear from the scene. And then when the emotional strain became too much, they would go out in another blaze of glory, and, this time, nobody would be able to fix it.

Alec more than loved Matt, and the feeling was mutual. But Chris. well, their history was immense, wasn't it? And they had been friends for so long. While he knew others would react otherwise, Alec wasn't too concerned that he and Chris had had a mini-go at each other that morning, as long as Matt was there.

Dangerous thoughts, yes. But isn't danger part of the fun?

Alec pushed the thoughts from his mind as Matt got back under the sheet. "Hey, Beautiful, you seen my pants anywhere?" Matt asked, scanning the room for his play-jamas.

"There in the corner, right in front of the doorway."

"Can you pass them to me?"

"You should just go down naked. Nobody would complain," replied Alec.

"True. As arrogant as the reply may seem. But then again I'm so much more modest than that."

"And shy, don't forget," Alec said.

"Piss off," Matt replied. "I've told you already, this weekend, should the opportunity arise, I will do it."

"With Damien the opportunity always manages to arise. Bear that in mind, hmmm?"

"Then you'll see. I assume you don't mind the others having a look?" Matt replied, smugly.

"Not at all, long as they look without touching. Still, I'll believe it when I see it," Alec countered. "Anyway, the weekend has started."

"Fine," said Matt. "Please pass me my pants as you go."

It was true - Matt was still ridiculously shy. Some days - and you couldn't predict when - he wouldn't even let Alec see him naked in the shower or while dressing, even though they'd been having sex for well over a year now. And he routinely slept naked; then, he didn't care who saw what. It was odd, certainly; in part, typical of his ilk. You wouldn't think so, with his years of swimming at schools and University, especially not in his tiny Speedo; Matt, though, always pointed out that nobody cared while you were in your Speedo. The other swimmers are all in their Speedos as well; there is enough scattered flesh around any swimming pool. But that didn't mean that they wanted to get their penises out in public. "Swimmers, "he would tell you in earnest, "very, very rarely shower naked after practices. We rinse the chlorine off in our Speedos, dry them with a towel and put a pair of boardies or tracksuit pants over the top."

If pressed on the issue, he would usually counter with a fairly logical argument: "Look, we spend the entire day half naked in these tiny bits of lycra, chasing each other up and down in a pool. If the other guy is half a yard ahead of you, you have his crotch in your face anyway. Why the hell would you want to see him naked after that? You've had enough of it." And, he would say, that is a fairly common attitude held by the swimming fraternity, even in their daily gym routines.

Their own meeting nearly two years ago had been under such circumstances. Alec had avoided the crowded gym in favour of the empty pool. He usually hit the gym and then went for a swim before showering and going home, but the gym was packed that night and he couldn't get his workout off the ground. After twenty minutes of stop-start weight training, he decided to check the pool area - it was still early for him to be swimming, and the swimming team often was in the pool till around 9pm. It was only just after 8:30 that night, and he was seriously considering just throwing in the proverbial towel and heading for home, with a view to trying again the following night. Either way, he needed to be out of the house; anything to take his mind off the unholy mess that was left of him and Chris.

The last three months had been living Hell. Well, it was less than that - two months, twenty seven days since it had all fallen apart for the last time. He'd kept count, somehow. That was the third big fight in four days; they knew it was over. For a week they'd kept distance, furious with each other, both refusing to budge. Then Damien had phoned.

"Dude, what's happening? I just spoke to Chris. Or rather, I didn't. He had very little to say. What's going on, Alec?" And Alec had broken down and cried like a little kid who'd lost his favourite toy. And then. Currently, he was just living day to day, hitting the gym hard to take his mind off things.

"Damn springtime hordes!" he muttered to himself. The small university gym was always busier as the weather started warming up - it was, it seemed, an unwritten rule. Another one was that the gym was always packed on Mondays and Thursdays; Monday as a result of people having not been in on the weekend and feeling guilty, and Thursday as a result of people knowing that the gym was no way to spend a perfectly good weekend. Mondays and Thursdays were nights where you hit the gym after nine o'clock, or failed to properly start a workout if you didn't.

He headed toward the university's indoor training pool, at the back end of the vast sports center, trying to remember whether or not the swimming teams would have been there already. The pool was usually pretty busy from 5pm onwards with aquarobics and then the varsity teams and the water polo guys, but certain nights were excluded. Usually, since he learned early to come to the pool late, he either missed them completely or just caught the tail-end of a session, and he realised he had no idea what the formal training times were.

He did, however, detect a distinct lack of frenetic water-activity sounds as he approached the swing-doors leading to the pool area. At once, he felt pleased; immediately, though, it was replaced by a sense of annoyance. He had never known the pool to be completely devoid of people, and it sounded like it was tonight. "Don't tell me it's closed!" he thought to himself, trying in vain to remember whether he seen any signs up mentioning maintenance or something similar. Certainly, there were no bits of paper on the doors themselves saying anything, and they were clearly not locked, so presumably it was all okay. Even when the pool heater blew and they left it open, but cold, they put up warning signs.

"Wow. A whole pool to myself. Cool," he thought as he entered the pool area. Three quarters of the overhead lights were off, the remaining few under power basically illuminating the farther end of the pool, so the place was a little darker than usual. It was deserted, at a cursory glance. A closer look at the side of the pool closest to the small changing rooms there revealed that the pool certainly had been in use - there were wet footprints everywhere - so presumably it was all functional. Alec was just about to head into the tiny swimming locker rooms to lock his bag away when he considered merely leaving it poolside; after all, the place was deserted and nobody would be able to nick anything without him seeing, especially if he put it on the far side of the pool on the bench nearest the windows near Lane 1.

At once, he moved to the far side of the pool and rummaged in the bag for his cap, towel and goggles. He usually swam in his shorts anyway - boardies for preference; his dubious square-cut Speedo underneath because he couldn't handle freeballing, ever - so getting changed out there in the open wasn't a concern. Although, again, it was late and the place was deserted so he could probably have even gone into the water naked with no trouble, he thought to himself. Damien would be proud.

He pulled off his training shoes and socks and had just scooped his shirt over his head, when a sudden, slight movement from the corner of his eye startled him. Quickly, he whipped the shirt off and looked to where the movement had come from. In the gloom, he could just spot a figure, at the far end of the pool in Lane 5, closest to the doors he had just come through. The swimmer had a dark cap on - silicone, probably, judging by the faint gleam - and a pair of exceptionally trendy goggles, the type with the mirrored lenses favoured by the pro swimmers. The figure was half- submerged, just a head sticking out of the water, staring up at the pace clock, practically invisible at twenty five metres in the half light until the movement. Although Alec was still slightly startled, at least it meant that the pool was definitely open.

As the clock hit the minute mark with the red-half of its single hand, the figure took off from the far wall, at a blistering pace. Alec watched as he put his clothes into his bag, mentally counting the strokes, knowing from some internet research when he attempted to improve his own swimming form that the top guys did about fifteen strokes for twenty five metres, and knowing that the Olympic gold time for a fifty metre splash-and-dash was about twenty two seconds. This guy wasn't Olympics material, it seemed, but he was still knocking spots off Alec's times, which approached thirty nine seconds for a sprinted fifty. The swimmer hit the wall, did a graceful flipturn and headed back for the far side, clocking the fifty in about twenty five seconds.

Alec rolled his eyes briefly - he didn't enjoy racing proper swimmers in the pool. And it was always a race; that was the Way of Alec, and many other guys he knew. No matter what activity you were engaged in, it always degenerated into a cock-show within about ten minutes, and there was no way he could swim or run or cycle alongside anyone without attempting to match them for pace, even when they were clearly creaming him with each lap.

It had been his undoing many times; still, though, he persisted, and cursed himself for it afterwards. "Guess this is going to be a short swim after all," he thought to himself. "I'll be fucked within ten minutes when I try to match pace with him." Finally ready to go, he selected Lane 2, always avoiding Lane 1 because of the metal steps there which people were always trying to use and he would invariably run into them, which pissed him off immensely.

He and the mystery swimmer - clearly Varsity Team material, with those times - were three lanes apart, and at opposite ends of the pool. Trying very hard to ignore the other person - other guy, it was definitely a guy; Alec had seen flashes of red Speedo as the swimmer had hit the wall earlier - he began with a brisk two fifty, ten lengths of the pool, just to get his heart rate up. The other guy ignored him, just kept his eyes on the pace clock as Alec approached and carried out his usual abortive flip-turn.

About five lengths into the ten, the other guy took off, matching Alec stroke for stroke for about half the pool before peeling away and putting in another blistering lap. He followed this with a further four, coming into the near side of the pool having taken a good two lengths out of Alec on the way. He rested there a moment as Alec approached, and as Alec pulled in, he took a good look at his counterpart in the red Speedo.

First up, the Speedo was tiny. Alec had realised before that it was quite a small one, but this thing was practically dental floss, it was so skimpy. Had Alec seen him on a beach, in a Speedo that size, he would have made him as gay immediately; however, the guy's speed definitely marked him as a swimmer, and they were not really shy when it came to tiny Speedos. Secondly, the other guy was in good shape; extremely good shape. God, look at that six- pack! And that backside! Alec himself was no slouch, and he knew it, but this guy smacked his ego for six - great body; not too big, but what magnificent definition, and a fast swimmer, to boot. Alec looked up for one last breath, and saw the other guy get out of the water. Immediately, he reigned in his planned two fifty on two hundred, and tried for a surreptitious look at the other guy's face to see if he recognized him.

It was, however, not to be. The other guy pulled his bag out from somewhere - Alec hadn't seen it when he came in, that was for sure - and pulled out a towel to dry himself off, which he proceeded to do. However, he turned away from Alec as he removed his goggles and cap, not giving Alec a look at his face but giving him an awesome view of a superb, toned, tight pair of buttocks. Alec's eyes nearly popped out of his head, immediately, he felt his penis rising beneath his square black Speedo. Wow, the things he would do - he could just imagine slipping his cock between those cheeks, and fucking the guy, hard. Of course, it would be while the guy was still half-in that tiny Speedo, like he'd seen once in a porno movie - two guys fucking in a Jacuzzi, their Speedos halfway down their thighs.

The other guy toweled off at length, muscles in his back rippling with each movement of his well-defined arms, as Alec watched, open- mouthed, knowing that at any second the guy could turn and catch him gaping, half hoping that he would so Alec could get a look at his face, and perhaps a glimpse of his package. Alec wondered briefly if the guy was going to change out here - the thought didn't do his growing erection any harm - or if he was going to go and take a shower. Alec ruled the latter out immediately - the guy was drying off too much to be going to get wet again, that was for sure. Speculation ceased shortly, giving way to disappointment afterwards when the other guy whipped a pair of black boardies from his bag and put them on over the red Speedo, followed by a pale green t-shirt and a pair of flipflops and, without any further ado, or even a look over his shoulder, left the pool area with Alec staring after him, cock straining through its twin prisons.

With a deep breath, Alec resisted the temptation to pull his dick out and satisfy himself. Man, that guy was beautiful! Instead, he stood there, in his elderly swimming boardies - had to be an old pair, don't want the chlorine fucking up a new pair - and his dubious lycra swimming cap, expanded to ridiculous proportions through years of use, and attempted to get his mind back on swimming, thinking it would be a pointless exercise trying to think of anything other than Red Speedo Boy. With a remarkable effort of will, he managed to swim another two distracted lengths before regaining some form and pulling off a mile in the water, sixty four lengths in total. Afterwards, he got out and showered in the cramped pool locker rooms and returned to the house, eager to tell Nick about Red Speedo Boy.

It had been a long three months since the thing with Chris had headed south for winter, never to be seen again. Alec had been completely withdrawn, even now, barely enjoying any sort of social activity other than the pool and the gym; even so, when there, he tended to work out on his own anyway. He wasn't sure whether he could do another relationship yet - only five months ago, he and Chris were best mates, and two thirds of an awesome trio, four months ago they had done the sex thing and then become an item, and then just three months ago. well, shit happens, right? It does, and it did. So it was maybe a little early to think too long term about anyone serious, but Alec was not in any frame of mind to rule himself out of the market forever.

His thoughts strayed often to Red Speedo Boy over the next few days, wondering whether he would see him again, and vowing to talk to him if he did. He would have to make something up, and see what happened - luckily, he had the swimming as something they had in common.

He realised shortly afterwards why the pool was so empty - it was routine these days, since the term was ending, it was almost exams and the team sports had pretty much dried up for the summer break while everyone would be away. He wondered if Red was a post-grad student - doing a Master's or PhD, where there were no exams - perhaps a likely prospect, in a way, since most of the undergrads would have been grafting for their finals and not training; however, it was not uncommon for someone to take an hour or two to decompress during study-time, was it? Too many questions with no definite answers; each scenario could work either way he considered it - very much like Schr"dinger's only-occasionally ill- fated cat, Alec thought.

Barely two weeks later, the gym was suffering the same fate as the other sports facilities - a marked decrease in patronage during the stressful exam time. It was still quite busy, but emptied much earlier these days; the peak period was little over an hour long each night. Alec had spent several further hours in the pool - alas, no sign of a re-appearance by Red Speedo Boy - and was beginning to quite enjoy the solitude of the late night swim. He would head out to the gym at the usual time and aim to hit the pool around 10pm for a post-workout session, and it was becoming unusual to set eyes upon anyone else anywhere near the water.

One of the evenings, Alec was in the gym, working on his chest and back. He was doing quite well, and feeling pretty strong too, as he worked with the lat machine and had had a good run on what Nick called the Space Machine - a counter-weighted pull-up bar, so you could effectively balance some of your own weight out if you were not quite up to carrying your full mass; the term Space Machine came when Nick countered a little too much of his own weight, and the counter-balance sent him rapidly upwards, as if he were on an unbalanced see-saw, "practically into orbit," according to him - when a tall, dark guy approached him.

"Hey." The universal varsity greeting, casual and noncommittal. The gym was fairly empty that night; Alec wasn't sure he'd seen this guy here before.

"Hey." Alec's response was neutral, but on afterthought he tarted it up with a slim smile because, why not? It was his secret disarming tactic - Nick always complained that it looked like Alec was finding amusing about him without letting on what it was, "like I've got mismatched socks or something." It seemed to do the job generally, though - in this case, the other guy grinned back, albeit shyly.

"Er. sorry to trouble you, guy, but could you perhaps give me a spot on the inclined bench? When you've finished your set, of course." The guy seemed quite shy, and definitely apologetic. His voice was a low tenor, fairly light. He was well built, Alec could tell, and although a little scruffy, he was definitely a looker. And his eyes. Alec's radar pinged off him. Was there something there?

In case there was, Alec smiled again, wider this time - his primary secret weapon, teeth perfect behind his full lips, the smile bathing everyone in its path in radiant benevolence. "Sure, give me one sec," he replied, and quickly finished up his set of ten. The other guy grinned nervously as they approached the inclined bench-press.

"I really appreciate it," he said. "It's so quiet in here tonight - I'm sorry to have disrupted your rhythm, but there isn't anyone else to ask!"

"Hey, don't worry about it," Alec countered. "I need to get on the bench as well, so we can help each other out." It was a lie; he'd no intention of doing inclined presses this evening; however, this was all achievable with his philosophy of the end justifying the means. The other guy nodded. Alec regarded the barbell, racked up to a fairly hefty weight. "Is this the weight you want to use?" Alec asked him as he took up station above the weight.

"Yeah. It's a good start," the other guy replied. "I'll rack up more later as we move on."

"Crikey. That's a shitload on there already!" Alec said. "Fair play to you, I say." The other guy grinned again, still nervous. He reached up under the bar as Alec guided it down on him, and easily pushed up for ten reps with it. Alec reseated it on the bar for him as he moved out to let Alec have a go.

"Oh. I'm Matthew, by the way," the other guy said, offering his hand. Alec shook it.

"Alec. Pleased to meet you."

"Cool," Matthew replied. "Alec, not Alex, right? As in not short for Alexander?"

"Nope. Just Alec. My folks couldn't be arsed with Alexander, I suppose," Alec said. "Go figure." He grinned again, and Matt smiled back, still nervous, not making eye-contact for more than a second at a time. Alec seated himself under the bar, braced himself, and took the strain. Matt wasn't kidding with the weight, and he was not finding it that easy. He did manage to do ten reps as well, but it taxed him. "Wow. That's heavy."

"Nah, you did good!" Matt said. "You are strong, like ox," he said, inflecting a heavy Russian accent. Alec grinned; he thought he might have noticed Matt checking out his chest.

"Strong like small ox, perhaps," he replied, badly mimicking the accent. "Like veal." Matt grinned nervously at him, and he wondered if he had made a fool of himself. Then Matt chuckled.

"Veal. Gotcha. Sorry - it's been a long day." Matt racked up a further ten kilos onto the bar, pushing it up to seventy in total. Alec whistled, low. "This okay?"

"Flat bench yeah, but I'm not sure I can manage it on the inclined bench. Well, let's give it a go. If it looks too terrible, I'm not too proud to downsize."

"Cool," Matt replied, sliding into the seat. He gripped the bar tightly, the muscles rippling under his forearms as he did, and set his jaw as Alec watched from above. "Ready? One. two. lift." He pushed and Alec pulled and they rested the weight above Matt's chest. He pushed through comfortably for the first few, and managed to get to ten with comparative ease. Alec reseated the bar and they swapped places. He looked up into Matt's face, the piercing eyes swallowing him for a second before he realized it and looked away self-consciously.

"Whoops," he thought to himself, "be careful. Straight boys don't like being ogled. If he is straight." He could see Matt regarding him out of the corner of his eye, a tiny smile parked illegally on his lips. "Busted," thought Alec, slightly flustered, reached up to grab the bar, and Matt leaned forward, all business, to help him stabilize it.

"Jesus!" The bar rocked as his arms shuddered under the weight.

"You're fine," Matt replied. "You can do this. I'll carry you." Shaking a little, Alec lowered the bar, then pushed with all his strength to raise it again. He exhaled deeply as Matt kept the bar steady. "Good. Nice one. Can you do another?" Alec gritted his teeth and let the bar fall steadily as he breathed in. With a sharp burst of carbon dioxide, he shoved it skywards. "Nice." Alec heard the comment, but didn't pay too much mind to it, concentrating on getting the bar down and up again smoothly and without dropping it onto his face. He struggled along to eight, then Matt helped him reseat the bar. "You okay?" Matt leaned over him from his perch behind the bar. Alec breathed in deeply.

"Yeah, I'll be okay." He took another deep breath, then forced it out heavily. Matt looked over him, concerned. "Really, it's cool. My flatmate Nick would say it's the zen of weightlifting. Your turn, Matthew." Alec slipped out from the seat and motioned for Matt to trade places with him. "You going to stay on this, or go up another notch?"

Matt grinned apologetically. "I'll take another ten." Alec nodded and grabbed two five-kilo weights which he stacked onto the bar.

"Glad I'm not you," he said. "You ready?" Matt nodded, and got stuck into his task. Alec took advantage of his position above Matt to look at the delectable little crescent of taut, tanned skin visible between his shorts and the hem of his t-shirt, which was creeping up slightly. Much to Alec's disgust, he managed ten reps at the new weight with the greatest of ease. "Shit! You are not kidding, are you?" Alec said. Matt grinned again.

"Nope. Your turn. Er." he didn't really want to ask the question, Alec could tell. He was impressed at how considerate Matthew was.

"Let me try for another set at the last weight, I think," he said, to save Matt the awkwardness. Matt nodded and removed the two five kilo weights, laying them on the floor alongside the bench. He stood above Alec again and prepared to lift the bar with him. Suddenly, Alec realized, he could see all the way up Matt's shorts. Not unexpected, given the positions they were both in; indeed, usually a welcome sight to take your mind off the task at hand, particularly with Nick and his enormous nuts. "Great," he thought to himself, "another distraction - the cute boy's wares, all on display, and me already blocked for losing myself in his eyes!" He tried to put the thought out of his mind as he braced for the weights over his head.

This time, he only managed six reps. But, Matt pointed out earnestly, they were all good reps. And all he was doing, he claimed, was keeping the bar balanced, not lifting at all. Seriously. Alec smiled and lay on the bench, catching his breath and trying to not feel like a weakling and trying harder to not perv up Matt's shorts, not an easy task. Especially not with the eye-catching red briefs he was wearing underneath them, bulging like ripe fruit beneath the stylish ice white O'Neill boardshorts, trimmed in two shades of blue.

These days Alec was so used to seeing other guys eschew briefs for boxers, usually ridiculously baggy, sagging ones at that, or boxer- briefs - always in white, black, navy or grey; stylish, if horribly unimaginative - that he was taken aback by this brazen display of individuality. Matt certainly was a breath of fresh air, and a rakish one at that. Alec was lost in thought briefly, and managed too late to realize it. Matt was prodding him before he knew it.

"Alec! Come back towards the light, man!" Matt was leaning over him, slightly concerned, but, it seemed, also amused. "You okay there?" he asked. Alec smiled wanly.

"Yeah, fine. Like you said, though, it's been a long day. I'm a little tired, I suppose."

"Indeed. I think I'm going to call it a night, actually."

"Good idea. Me too. Just grab a shower and head home."

"Yeah." Matt looked around the near-empty gym. "You come here often?"

"A couple times a week usually, more at the moment, though. Depends if I can get my flatmate to join me or not. You?"

"I will," Matt said. "Used to have a membership at the big gym down the road, but they are really acting like a bunch of fuckheads at the moment to students, so I didn't renew my contract. No need to, really - we have everything we need here at the University."

"Exactly. And it's quieter here at this time of night, even when it's not exams."

"Yeah, good point. So I will be moving from four times a week there to something similar here at the end of the month, I hope. And the swimming pool, of course. I swim with the varsity team. Well, alone now, since it's exams."

"Wow. Impressive. What are you studying?"

"Master's in Zoology," Matt said, "hopefully upping to a PhD next year, so no exams for me. You?"

"PhD in medical biochem. Hoping to wrap it up at some stage and get the fuck out of here with the degree!"

Matt chuckled. "I hear you. Look, I'm gonna hit the road."

"You're not going to grab a shower?" Alec was disappointed, as much for the eye-candy as not being able to chat a bit more and find out more about Matthew as a person.

"Nah. Got a presentation in the morning, which I still need to wrap up. I'll grab a shower at home, I reckon."

"Presentations suck." Alec knew all about research presentations. He was a veteran. He offered Matt his hand. "It was good to meet you, Matthew. Hopefully I'll see you around some time. As I said, my flatmate. hopeless." Matt nodded and gripped his hand, smiling widely.

"Yeah, I hope so. It was good to meet you too. And hang in there with the weights," Matt replied. He picked up his gym towel and headed out.

Alec debated for a minute or two as to whether he should attempt a few lengths in the pool. Sure, it was good for him and all, but he was knackered from the unexpected lifting with Matt, and in the end just headed upstairs to the main locker rooms for a long, hot shower. Unsurprisingly, the locker rooms were deserted; there was just one other guy in there when Alec arrived. At least, there was only one bag there, so presumably he was in the showers already. Alec stripped, stashed his gear in an empty locker and headed into the communal showers.

The showers down at the pool were much more intimate, he decided. There were only four of them, for one, as opposed to the fourteen up here, and they were stashed away behind a wall, just four showerheads and eight taps, in a fairly confined space, with no cubicles. Up here in the main locker rooms, the showers were in the back of the room. You could go in, hang left and hit the steam room, or make right to the showers around the corner, two rows of seven facing one another. The cubicles were open, though; you couldn't see the person next door to you clearly through the pin- head glass, but you could see three or four of the guys in the facing row in their entirety if you turned around. Alec did turn around in the shower on account of wearing contact lenses - a convenient but nevertheless authentic excuse if caught looking; he primarily let the water rain down on his back and the back of his head to avoid accidentally washing them out, which is what had happened to another boy in his class at high school one day some years previously after Phys Ed.

Alec smiled at the memory - the poor kid had gone into a flat spin and panicked, and he and Alec and the other six boys in the showers at the time had all dropped to hands and knees, stark naked, and searched frantically for the lens before it disappeared down the drain or someone stood on it. Alec had struggled to keep concentration that day - he had not Told anyone yet, not even Chris and Damien, but there were seven guys, naked, on all fours, backsides in the air exposing their tunnels, hairy nuts and knobs swinging about. Damien, who at sixteen was particularly fine even then, was one of them, and Alec had only just managed to keep from getting an erection of note in the shower - not exactly de rigueur at high school. Fortunately, the lens turned up within about thirty seconds, and the drama ended. The mental images, though, stayed with Alec to this day, and could be called into service, as they had so many times, with just a flick of the wrist.

Tonight, Alec and the lone other person had their pick of the fourteen showers. The one at the far end of each row was fitted with doors, for the more modest student, but Alec had never cared too much for that, even way back when at school when they had to shower together the first time, and everyone was worried about size, and pubic hair or the lack thereof. He chose a shower across and a few stalls down from the other chap - it was almost like urinal rules applying; you couldn't take the one right next to him unless the place was jam-packed, and you certainly couldn't take the one directly across from him if you were going to turn around in the shower unless you were on the prowl for some action. He took in the other person's features at a glance - he was fairly short, a little pudgy, and no real tan seemed to have lasted through the winter. The guy's backside was fairly trim - the pudginess, presumably, beer-related - and had a light dusting of hair over both cheeks. When the other guy turned around briefly, Alec got a glimpse of a fleshy, uncircumcised cock, in a mountain of dark hair which rose right up over his stomach and chest.

By comparison, Alec was baby-smooth. He had a dark treasure trail from his belly button going down to his groin, which he only ever lightly trimmed, and dark, but not too thick, hair covering both legs. The back of his legs, though, were smooth; he had very few hairs on his butt at all, which suited him. His chest had only a cursory amount of hair on it - you could count the number of hairs on fifteen fingers - but both nipples had a fair amount covering them. His own cock was nothing too spectacular, it had to be said. It measured about three inches flaccid, swelling to six and a bit erect, and was circumcised high and tight from birth. Not too long, neither fat nor thin, it was a textbook example of an average penis. Much the same could be said about his scrotum - neither here nor there, really; not exceptionally big, didn't hang exceptionally low; his testicles were not donkey-balls like Damien's or Nick's. It looked good on him because the rest of him was in good shape, thanks to a religious gym routine and good diet; he expected more than a few casual glances when down at the beach, and most times got them.

His companion finished up shortly after he arrived, and Alec was left with his thoughts. "Need to go shopping tomorrow - must get Nick to draw up a grocery list. Big experiment planned for Saturday morning; must weigh out compounds tomorrow morning and freeze them overnight. Oh - must get milk on the way home tonight or have no coffee tomorrow morning. Oh, and those guys are coming to look at the house to see if they want to move in next year." Nothing else troubled him, and he allowed his thoughts to flick briefly to Matthew, who seemed like a nice guy, and who was clearly up for it in the gym and the pool, and thus may be a worthwhile investment as a partner. Kinda sexy, too, just like Red Speedo Boy, who also clearly put in the hours in the gym and obviously in the pool, too. Maybe the two of them knew one another, both being swimmers and all. Perhaps all three of them could train toge-

Hang on.

Matthew's sexy red briefs, bulging beneath those blue and white boardshorts. Red Speedo Boy's sexy red Speedo. Both in super shape. Both clearly swimmers. What were the chances? Did Matthew, like Alec, wear his swimming gear under his gym clothes? Desperately he tried to recall anything about Red Speedo Boy which he could see in Matthew. Did they walk the same? Did Matthew have as awesome a backside? Was Red Speedo Boy dark haired as well? For fuck's sake, why hadn't he been more observant? What about the gym bag - were they alike? Red Speedo Boy's had been partially hidden in the gloom - it would give up nothing. Why hadn't he taken Matthew's phone number?

"Great. What a fuck-wit you are," he muttered to himself. He proceeded to wash his hair, twice as usual, plus some conditioner to keep it strong and healthy, then soaped the day's worries away with a bottle of Kenzo body-wash, part of a gift set he had been given at Christmas. The bathroom filled with the marine scent as he washed, annoyed with the questions this potential revelation brought.

Would it be too weird to trek to Zoology tomorrow to conveniently "find" Matthew, somehow, accidentally? Alec's unit was some distance away, at the university hospital - what would the chances be? And were he to take the initiative and check the Zoo website and chance upon Matthew's details, would it be too stalker to e- mail him? He decided that it would. But. if Matthew was going to train four times a week, that's probably a good chance to meet him again there. And he'd mentioned to Matthew that it was quiet this time of night, and Matthew had seemed pleased, so there was probably a strong chance to stalk him right here. Well, between here and the pool, at any rate.

Alec rinsed the soap off his body, pleased with this new development. In response to the thoughts of Red, he could feel his cock stirring and he let it rise, wondering what on earth someone would say if they were to walk in and find him standing at six inch glory. The very thought of it only speeded the process up; within seconds, it was locked and loaded and he burst out laughing at the look of horror he imagined on the face of whomever came in. Fortunately, nobody did, and eventually it subsided.

The next two weeks were uneventful. The only major talking point was that he and Nick had decided on a room-mate, a young physicist called Max, who fulfilled all the criteria they had laid out: easy going, graduate student, preferably a guy, must be able to cook, and, if not gay, then open minded. Only two guys had responded after more than a month of advertising; they wondered at first whether they were going to have to look outside the University for a young professional if they couldn't find a student. Max and another guy, Darren, had come to look at the place, but immediately Darren had come across as far too domineering and way beyond cocky; practically trying to pee on the walls to mark territory. There would be boxing, Alec and Nick could tell that right away. In fact, Alec had had to clench his fists and his teeth to prevent himself from smacking Darren half-way through the tour of the house; Nick knew it and made sure he was always between the two of them.

Max came to check the place out a few hours later, and both Alec and Nick knew he was perfect on the spot. He was a little goofy, really, but with a quick wit; warmth and sincerity pervaded his personality, and he was brighter than the sun. They had hit it off right from the word go, so offered him the place right there, and he agreed to move in at the end of the month. They had only anticipated someone arriving in January - it was only October now - but His Highness had moved out early to a lucrative post - "take care, now; bye-bye, fuck off," as Nick put it - and had volunteered to pay his share of rent through December, since that was only when he was due to go, and Nick and Alec were going to hold him to it and spend the extra money on something cool since Max was ready to move in whenever and he had done so right away.

Alec had made several sorties out to the gym in that time, but had not seen hide nor hair of Matthew. Alec had not been swimming - but he had checked the pool - on account of having a mild inner- ear problem which one of the doctors in his unit had given him a prescription for, and he would be back in the water in a few days once it was cleared up.

Some days later, Alec found himself heading up to the gym again. Nick had declined to come, so Alec worked through his routine alone and had long since decided to end off with a swim, now that the ear was okay. Once again - this was now the eighth time - there had been no sign of Matthew in the gym.

He headed out of the gym and up to the indoor pool. As before, it was deathly quiet, to his simultaneous delight - blissful solitude - and annoyance - presumably no Red Speedo Boy. It was again only half-lit; a portion of the overhead lights were off, an obvious sign that there was nothing in particular scheduled in there that night.

He pushed through the double doors and stood in the silence, regarding the water, dappled in the half-light, the heater and pump a quiet background hum. In the distance, he heard a sound. It was, he realized, a toilet flushing in the locker room. So there was someone here after all. Very suddenly, a figure came out of the locker room, clad in a silicone cap, mirrored lenses and - sweet heaven - a tiny red Speedo. Red Speedo Boy glanced at him, then jumped back into the pool, and started a new set of laps.

Clearly, it was not Matthew. Matthew would have said hello, surely. It's not like he couldn't see Alec standing there - they'd looked right at each other. Oh well, he'd get into the water, then at some stage strike up a conversation. Perhaps this guy knew Matthew anyway - a good chance, since they were both varsity swimmers. As usual, Alec moved to the far bench, nearest the window, and had just removed his Arsenal Football Club peak when he realized that he'd left his swimming stuff at home. He was so used to not swimming for the last week or so that he'd forgotten to pack board shorts or the dubious Speedo. He had his cap and goggles - they lived in the bag - but that was it. And he was wearing tracksuit pants - not exactly swimming material, was it? Disappointing, really - he'd been looking forward to a good swim. Briefly, he wondered whether Red would complain if he swam in his underwear - not that he would even be able to tell, necessarily. A voice suddenly cut through is reverie.

"Alec? Hey. Sorry, man - didn't recognize you in the hat!" He turned. It was Red Speedo Boy, talking to him from the near end of Lane 3. Alec looked at him, perplexed. Red frowned, concerned, then smiled and pulled off his goggles. Those eyes, just like-

"Matthew! Hey. Didn't. recognize you either." Alec caught himself just in time - maybe not the best idea to let on that he had spotted the red Speedo by looking up Matthew's shorts the other day. Well spotted that Red and Matthew were one and the same, old boy, he said to himself. And this is super fantasy stuff, too!

"Nice to see you again. You coming in? The water is superb!" Matthew was enthusiastic.

"I wish, Matthew-"

"Matt's cool. Everyone calls me Matt. So you coming in, or what?"

"Can't. Just realised I left all my stuff at home. I meant to, but I didn't pick up any shorts."

Matt frowned. "Shorts suck anyway. You can't train in them, I mean. You should get a decent training suit."

Alec chuckled. "I have a particularly dodgy square Speedo mini- hotpants boxerbrief thing, actually. I just don't wear it in public much, because my mates complain."

"Ah, but this isn't public, you see. It's a training pool. Unwritten rule: No matter how many people are here, it doesn't count," Matt said. "I mean, come on - I am in the tiniest Speedo in the world, here!"

"Even so, I still left it with my boardies at home. Not clever. Remembered the eyes and the swimming cap, just not the clothing. I have nothing to swim in." Matt shrugged with a casual grin.

"So swim in nothing, then," he said evenly. Alec stared at him, mind spinning. What was he getting at? Was this just for a lark?

"No, come now. Be serious," he replied.

"I am serious," Matt said. He pulled his goggles back into place with a glance at the clock. "It's the most natural thing in the world. I won't complain to Sports Admin, and I don't see anyone else here to do it." He took off and bulleted his way to the far end of the pool, leaving a bewildered Alec feeling out of place on the tiles. Twenty five seconds later, Matt cruised home again. After a quick glance at the clock, he grunted and looked at Alec. "Why are you still standing there? Get your kit off and get in here."

"What if someone comes in?" Alec asked.

"No-one comes in this late," Matt replied. Alec looked skeptical. "Er. tell you what. Keep your towel handy, and if someone does, we'll make a break for it," Matt said.

"We? You joining me?"

"Well, no. I have my stuff here, you see. But I'll cover you if anyone comes in. Otherwise, make for the far end - it's dark there."

"Dude. this is not a good idea," Alec said. Matt lifted his goggles up again.

"Come on! Don't be shy. I'll look away until you get in, if you like."

Alec balked. "I'm not shy. I'm just concerned about protocol."

Matt snorted. "Please! You wouldn't believe how many people have done that here. It's a swimming team rite of passage - and that's public!"

"You've done it here before?" Alec was curious. Matt nodded, smug.

"Of course. Come on! It's no big deal. It'll be fun. You'll love it," he said.

Alec stalled, mulling it over, heart beating rapidly, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Was Matt making a pass at him? He'd contemplated swimming naked here before, the first night when he was completely alone in the pool a couple of weeks previously, but had bailed in the end. Matt was right - there would be ample time to get into the far end of the pool, where he could buy more time if needed. And it was fairly dark with half the lights off - someone would need to be looking quite carefully to realize he was naked, especially if he kept moving, and had the cap and goggles on which would maintain the illusion - why on earth would someone go to the trouble of skinny-dipping if they kept a swimming cap on? And seriously, what were the chances of anyone coming? And was Matt making a pass at him? He was trying his damnedest to get Alec naked, that was for sure; but why? Either way, the thrill of it was exhilarating. Public indecent exposure - why not? Damien would be so proud. And Damien would have been in the water by now.

Fuck it. "Okay." With no fanfare, he dropped his bag on the bench and pulled off his shoes and socks.

"I don't believe it! He's going for it!" Matt exclaimed. Alec ignored him and pulled off his shirt, which he dropped on top of his bag. Matt was staring, an expression of delight on his face, making no bones about watching with great interest. Alec pulled off and folded his tracksuit bottoms, and dropped them into the bag. He stood there in his underwear, dark maroon bikini briefs, and pulled the towel, goggles and cap from his bag. Alec tried very hard to not take one last look around to make sure; in the end, he fixed his gaze on Matt, grinned, and pulled his underwear off.

Briefly, so briefly that you wouldn't have noticed it if you hadn't been looking for it, Matt's eyes flicked downwards, taking in all Alec's attributes at a glance. Alec casually dropped his briefs on top of his bag - now wondering whether Matt wore briefs or if they had in fact been the Speedo - and strolled, outwardly confident, but his heart pounding a war march in his chest, over to the end of Lane 2 where he dropped his towel as Matt stared, less than four feet away in Lane 3. With more nonchalance evident than he could actually account for, Alec stood, buck naked, on the edge of the pool and, calmly, put on his swimming cap, pausing to tuck his hair under it, as the night air kissed his skin. After what seemed like an age, and surprised with Matt ogling him that he wasn't getting hard faster than he realised he was, he jumped into the pool.

Matt grinned at him. "You've got bigger balls than I suspected, just standing there like that," he said.

It was a casual comment, and Alec was pretty sure he knew what Matt meant, but he decided to play the double entendre anyway. Might as well nail his colours to the mast, and sooner rather than later.

"I didn't realize you were measuring them," Alec replied glibly.

"Ha ha, very funny. Smart Alec," Matt countered. "Damn it! Unintentional pun," he frowned.

"Indeed. I assume you've got my back, right? If somebody comes?" Alec said.

Matt rolled his eyes. "Nobody's coming in."

"You better fucking cover me, man."

"Don't worry about it. In fact, if somebody comes, I'll give you my Speedo to wear, and I'll stand here naked. How's that?" Matt replied.

"Eurgh. Someone else's Speedo. Is it clean?" Alec said. Matt shot him a priceless look.

"I'm going to ignore that vicious, unwarranted slight on my person." Matt glanced up at the pace clock. "Well, are you just going to stand there with your cock flapping about, or are you going to put in some laps?"

"I'd say I'll race you, but I know you would piss all over me," Alec said, adjusting his goggles. "So I'll just do my thing and you carry on. You swim like little fish," he continued, again badly mimicking Matt's pseudo-Russian impression. He lifted his goggles off again, and gave Matt a disapproving look. "One more thing. no looking at my knob under the water!" With that, he ducked and kicked off the wall, heading for the end of the pool, leaving an amused Matt in his wake.

Matt remained there for a few seconds longer, debating as to whether or not he should also get naked. It had been ages. Purely for shits and giggles, of course; even though he suspected he could not be certain that Alec would be keen on any sort of overtures, for one, and secondly, he was not usually That Kind of Boy and thirdly, that's not what he was there for, anyway. There was a certain blissful freedom in swimming naked, he felt - psychologists would probably say things about getting back to the womb, no doubt - and the sense of liberation, beautifully, unerringly captured in one of his all-time favourite songs, REM's Nightswimming, certainly held appeal. After all, there wasn't much that was more natural, was there?

Matt and his school friends had been fond of the more-than- occasional skinny-dip - they did it any time they could manage it, really - but then he had known those guys much better, for so much longer, so it was. well, different. to just doing the same thing with Alec. Because all that had happened Before. That was then, and this was now, and times - and Matt - had changed. And they were his friends - it wasn't like that at all and never would be with them. They'd all agreed on the same principle, that it was uplifting and rejuvenating and natural and any other excuse to enjoy the illicitness of it, really. The real, deep-down sense of appreciation, and bonding, and upliftment and blissfulness of it had only come later when they'd thought about it a bit. Everyone's first time, like streaking, was for the sheer mischief of it.

So should he? Would it be any different to going to a hypothetical nude beach - he'd never done that, anyway - and getting naked with other people there who you would barely know either, if at all? He assumed it would be, because of the reasons he did it in the first place. There had to be a soul-mate factor, he thought, unless you were doing it for the shits and giggles. But then again, was Alec doing it for shits and giggles, because then it was okay, wasn't it? But that would mean that the showers were okay, too.

"Why on earth am I trying to intellectualize this?" he wondered. "Either do it, fine, or don't do it, also fine. Decide. Now." Before he could make a move, Alec was back, touching the wall and turning, a horrific tumble so disjointed and uncoordinated and slow and pointless it made Matt shudder just to see it. He pulled his goggles back into place and gave chase, easily pulling level with the naked figure of Alec, then passing him before dropping speed to match him into the wall. Alec did another horror-turn, Matt's flawless one making it look even worse, before they took another relatively slow lap to the other end of the pool, Matt assimilating everything he could.

Alec's form in the water wasn't bad, Matt reckoned, but could be tweaked here and there. The stroke, for one, was off on his right side every now and again, and his breathing was off because he looked too far forward instead of down. And he had a lazy left leg, with every third kick or so lacking power. Nice looking butt, though. He saw Alec was in fairly good shape, too - well, he'd seen that, realized now with a touch of embarrassment that he had gaped at it, as Alec stripped in front of him - with a good build and fairly good proportions. A little refinement here and there, particularly some of the underlying muscle layers, wouldn't be a bad idea, but he was an impressive piece of work. Eventually, they hit the far wall and surfaced.

"You kept yours on, I see," Alec said, lifting and rinsing his goggles. Matt smiled.

"Maybe I'll take it off next time," he replied. Alec said nothing, but Matt thought he detected half a grin in the gloom. "Meantime, we need to work a bit on your form. If you're keen, of course. I'm not saying I'd book a flight to London for 2012, but you're working too hard for what you're getting out of it."

"It's not that terrible, is it?" Alec asked, frowning.

"Er. five and a half out of ten, I'd say, six at a push. We can probably get you to what would be eight out of ten for you in about three months, and full marks after a few more. Exactly how fast that will make you I can't say, but you'll get more from your workouts in the water."

"Not to mention my ridiculous tumbleturns," Alec said.

"Yeah. Those are. unique. We could work on that now, but I'm not sure I want to spend the next half-hour looking up your arse in the dark. Nothing wrong with your arse, of course. Just nobody ever looks flattering doing naked flip-turns."

"Fair enough. It was your idea, though," Alec countered, thinking "nothing wrong with my arse? He's seriously looking!"

"It was indeed my idea, and I'm glad you went for it."

"Would have been better if you'd joined me," Alec said. Careful, you're on shaky ground here, he thought to himself.

"Another time, perhaps." Matt glanced up at the clock, on the wall adjacent to the door. "I've been here a while and it's getting kinda late - I think I'm going to call it a night."

"Okay. I'm not frolicking about in the nick with no cover, and I annihilated myself in the gym so I will call it too. Hey - do us a favour. Would you mind checking down the corridor to make sure nobody is coming this way before I get out? Just in case."

"Sure." Matt climbed out of the pool and grabbed his towel as he approached the swing doors and peered through them. "Deserted, dude. Might as well be tumbleweeds blowing past, man." He walked back to the end of his lane.

Alec took a deep breath, counted to three very quickly in his head, and climbed out of the pool. Still trying to act like it was no big deal - and it wasn't, really, it wasn't; if only he could believe it - he slowly, casually pulled off his swimming cap, which he squeezed over the water to speed its drying, and pulled off his goggles. Then, he picked up his towel and began to dry himself, with Matt following suit.

"How's the gym coming on?" Alec asked; anything to detract from the situation. "You get sorted out okay canceling your membership down the road?" He thought he saw Matt looking at his cock.

"Yeah, it was easy. The initial two-year membership contract had expired; I was on a month to month basis, so it was merely a letter with twenty eight days' notice. That's all set for Monday - four more days before I walk out for good. Might as well make the most of it, really, so I'm still using it till Sunday before I move up here."

"Cool."

"Hey - you come up with your flatmate often? It was your flatmate, right?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, it was. Nick. But he is the world's biggest procrastinator, so most times I come up here on my own. Has its advantages, I suppose, but not the social factor, really."

"No, I suppose not. Look, er. if you're up for it, you can always give me a call - I'll be happy to join you." Matt was casual about it, but was that a hint of nervousness in his voice?

"Great, that would be good." Alec nodded, still drying himself. "I need to get your number or email or office extension or something."

"Yeah. Hey - you going to grab a shower? Because you're kinda really wetting your towel there."

"Shit. Good point." Alec grabbed his bag, slung the towel over his shoulder and headed towards the tiny swimming locker rooms. Matt followed, a second later. As he entered the locker room and saw their reflections in the mirror, Alec noticed, with a bit of satisfaction, that Matt was definitely, definitely checking out his naked butt. He grinned to himself, still looking in the mirror. At that point, Matt looked upwards and their eyes met in the mirror; Matt hurriedly looked away, realizing he had been caught out, and a blush crept over his cheeks. Alec couldn't help grinning to himself again; they were square now after Matt had blocked him in the gym that first time. Matt hadn't said anything; Alec returned the favour. He threw his bag down and held the towel up in front of himself, suddenly feeling more self-conscious now that they were in the brightly-lit locker room and he knew he definitely had an audience, and rummaged one-handed in his bag for his cellphone. "Your number is.?"

Matt rattled off a string of digits which Alec punched into the phone. Alec then hit the green button and waited. Within a few seconds, Matt's bag rang - presumably the phone was in its depths somewhere. Matt went to retrieve it. "I presume that's you, yes?" he asked. Alec nodded, and pulled the Kenzo from his bag.

"Yup. You should have my number splashed all over the front of your screen," he replied. "Now, I am going to take a shower, before I catch my death standing here. You coming?" Without waiting, he headed into the tiny shower area. A few seconds later, Matt joined him.

They both knew the drill: four showers in a line, no cubicles at all, in quite close quarters, meant that they should ideally take numbers one and four. Alec debated briefly whether or not to break protocol and take number two or three, leaving the spacing up to Matt and forcing a maximum gap of a single between them instead of the expected two showers. Bearing in mind that they'd entered from the number one side, if he took two and Matt wanted four, Matt would either have to back up to enter from the other side, or push past to number four. Alec reckoned that pushing past might put Matt off since he'd just been caught peeking, so opted instead to take number four and still leave it to Matt. Surprisingly, Matt opted for number two, and not one, as Alec had thought he might.

More surprisingly, and also quite an annoyance, he merely rinsed off under the shower, and did not take off the tiny red Speedo even slightly. He didn't even loosen the drawstring. Alec offered him some of the Kenzo, realizing that there was no soap in the dispensers, but still Matt wouldn't bite. "Most of the swimmers just rinse here. If they want to shower properly, they do it upstairs. That's why there's no soap, and no cubicles," he explained. "Me, I prefer to shower at home." He smiled, self conscious, to Alec's look of puzzlement. "I'm kinda shy, I guess."

Alec grinned, despite himself. "For what? You're in the tiniest Speedo in the world, and even then, only just! Everything you've got, well, it's right there on display."

Matt laughed. "My mother would have a meltdown!"

"Um... yeah. You cut the lining out, or what?"

"You can see my bits, huh?" Matt grinned, pressing the fabric against his skin, making his bulge more prominent. Alec happily played the card he was dealt and took a long, searching look at the contents of the Speedo through the fabric, hoping he wouldn't get hard doing it.

"Well. I can tell the water was cold." he left it hanging as Matt burst out laughing. "And that you might be Jewish, if you know what I mean."

Matt blushed again. "I do, but I'm not." He glanced down at Alec, fairly blatantly. "You might be too."

"Indeed, but I'm not, either. But that's not the point."

"Even so. I guess it's just one of those things," Matt said with a smile, then turned away from Alec slightly. Wow. He really was shy, Alec realised, deciding not to press him on it. Matt finished up fairly shortly afterwards while Alec was rinsing his hair. "I'll see you outside," he said, leaving.

When Alec went out about a minute later, Matt was still there. He had pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of tracksuit pants, and there was a wet patch growing on his backside, in the shape of the Speedo. It occurred to Alec that Matt's shyness was bordering on terminal if he hadn't even taken off the Speedo while he was all alone and nobody was looking. Curiouser and curiouser, he thought, feeling like Alice on the loose in Wonderland. Whatever next? And how did he manage the swimming team rite of passage, if indeed such a thing existed?

They made small talk while Alec dressed and eventually headed up out of the Sports Center to the carpark. Alec had driven up; Matt had walked. It turned out that they were both probably a 10 minute walk from the University, both renting in neighbouring suburbs which were also probably about ten minutes' walk apart. Alec volunteered to drive Matt home, "so you don't get mugged or anything," which Matt had eventually accepted. He sat on his towel in the car to avoid wetting the seat; Alec carefully avoided mentioning the shyness, not wanting to harp.

Things suddenly got serious, though, on the drive when Matt asked what could have been a loaded question. "So. what about you?" he'd asked. "Is there a. significant other. lying around somewhere?" A peculiar choice of words, Alec thought, instantly alert; most guys would ask "do you have a girlfriend?" The question was an honest one; it deserved an honest response. What, though, could he expect in reply? How would Matt react? He hoped for indifference, assuming Matt was straight, but you never could tell, could you? He seemed decent enough; certainly open-minded, but even then you wouldn't know until you'd said something. And, come to think of it, Matt being straight was questionable - he'd done more than casually peek in the pool and locker rooms, repeatedly, regardless of how normal that was meant to be. Max would disagree, of course, saying people would ogle anything they found unusual, but Alec was sticking to his guns with this.

The question at this point was whether or not Matt could get used to the idea if he was straight. He had phrased it openly enough that Alec could get away with a plain "no" and ignore the finer details; presumably, the exact terms of the "no" could be filled in at a later stage. But what kind of friendship could be built if he was moulding the truth right from the start? The age-old dilemma, present once again. Fuck.

"Significant other? You mean a girlfriend?" he replied, firing his shot right across the bows. Matt glanced across at him, and shifted position uncomfortably in the passenger seat.

"Well, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever." Matt swallowed, looking straight ahead. "It's the twenty first century, after all; one has to be sensitive to these things."

"Do we?" Alec asked, glancing at Matt, who refused to meet his look, and began picking at an invisible thread on his knee. Matt was silent for a while.

"Yes, I think we do," he said eventually. "I mean, to each his own, right?" It was a modern textbook answer, touted by certain of the new-look progressive churches, politicians and others who were determined to appear liberal in their outlook. Alec waited for the inevitable "Personally it's not my scene, but those who want to are welcome to it," but it was conspicuously absent this time around.

"Are you. sensitive. to these things, Matt?" Alec asked. He tried to say it evenly, but couldn't help from keeping a bit of a challenge in his voice. He had maneuvered Matt up against the wall here; presumably Matt wasn't expecting such a role reversal, and was foundering somewhat. Matt swallowed again.

"Yes, I am. It would be impossible not to be," he said finally, pinning Alec with a hard stare of his own. Again, there was particular phrasing. Not "it's impossible," meaning a world view for all of us generally; rather, the "it would be impossible" referred to something deeper. That statement, Alec realised, could mean one of very few things - there was either a beloved gay sibling or parent in the mix somewhere, a gay best friend, or a gay Matt. But which?

"It's good to hear that you have such a progressive outlook," Alec said. "Refreshing." Matt smiled, still nervous. "Seriously - I'm not trying to take the piss here." They were silent for a minute or so, until Alec pulled up at a red light. He turned to face Matt. "My last significant other and I had a huge blow-up about three months ago. It was a mini Hiroshima, spectacular in its collapse." He sighed. "It's also unsalvageable. At the moment, we're just trying to get back on decent speaking terms."

"That's important to you after it all went belly up? I'd always suspected a clean break would be better," Matt said. "You know, go your separate ways and avoid all contact." Alec offered a wry smile.

"Ideally, sure. But there's a civilian casualty; our equilibrium. Yeah, it's important to get it fixed up."

"Ah - the friend caught in the middle. I understand," Matt replied. "Friends are important. You've known these two long?"

Alec turned to face forwards. "Since us three were just little boys."

There. He'd said it. Silence crashed all around them. The ball was in Matt's court now. The same Matt who was regarding him with sidelong glances, and again shifting uncomfortably in his seat. The light went green and Alec accelerated across the intersection. Matt remained quiet in the passenger seat.

"I'll need directions to your place," Alec said. The silence was awkward. Alec was halfway to being really pissed off - if Matt couldn't handle it, why had he asked? And why had he asked - why was there suspicion? What was he expecting? And why the careful, so very fucking careful phrasing of all his questions? He'd practically shouted his intentions from the rooftops, if you listened carefully enough, innocuous to someone who wasn't reading the situation but very clear to someone who was. It wasn't like he'd seemed anti from the start, not at all. He was the one who'd said that people need to be more open to others' choices. So what the hell was this about, then?

Matt was giving monosyllabic directions, coupled with half-hearted hand movements, to get Alec to his place. He was tense in the passenger seat, withdrawn, but ready to unleash some sort of inner fury, it seemed. Alec could tell that all was not well in the universe of Matt. Oh, well, tough titty.

More importantly, perhaps, how had he known? Alec was a straight boy, even to the well-trained eye. He didn't advertise, wasn't at all flamboyant, but did answer honestly if asked. Was it when Alec had got lost in his eyes, that first night in the gym? Was it the way he'd looked at Matt, still as Red Speedo Boy, that first time in the pool, thinking he'd got away with it, but he hadn't? Matt was the one who, in retrospect, was eager - no, desperate - to get him naked tonight; Matt was the one who'd been checking out his arse, and more blatantly his cock, in the locker room, Matt was the one who'd started this whole fucking thing, and now there he was, sitting in stunned silence, unable to deal with what he'd discovered. Matt was the one who should be coming out, here, leaving Alec to reel in horror at the monstrous abomination that he was, vivid visions of lewd, lurid acts of utter depravity and perversion between two insatiable animals engaging in sinful homosexual behaviour piercing his conscious and turning his stomach and all that other ridiculous crap the moral crusaders screeched on about. So what in the name of Christ had happened?

"Okay. This is it," Matt said. Alec pulled up alongside the house and killed the engine. They sat in the dark for a few seconds. "You wanna come in for a cup of coffee?" Matt asked. "I know it's a school night..."

An unexpected turn of events, to be sure. Was Matt merely being polite, or what? Or was this the internationally recognized "do you want to come in for coffee" which meant "do fancy a right hard shag?" The former, fine. The latter, well, a nice idea, to be sure; Alec, however, was not in the mood for games, and a one- nighter with Matt, although undoubtedly it would be fantastic, was not the best idea in the world at the moment. This was how things had gone tits-up with Chris. And did this mean that Matt too was gay? Or was Alec about to fuck this one up royally as well by assuming so?

"Thanks. It's kinda late, though. I have a hectic morning ahead."

"Oh. Perhaps another time. Thanks for the lift, though; and I'm glad we had this conversation." Matt gathered up his stuff and got out of the car. "Hey, if you're not doing anything tomorrow night, I'm going to head up for a swim probably around nineish."

"We'll see what my day looks like."

"Cool. I'll give you a call at some stage in the afternoon. Remember your gear this time, though. g'night," Matt said. Alec smiled and watched him walk up and through the front door, then pulled off and headed home. It had been a weird night; although Matt was friendly at the death of it, Alec was still unsure where this was heading. Not to mention pissed off about it.

The phone caught him by surprise the next afternoon with an unrecognized number flashing in its screen as it rang frenetically, each ring bringing the voicemail message a few seconds closer.

"Hello?"

"Alec? Hey. It's Matt." Matt's voice sounded a little different on the phone.

"Hey." A pause. "What's up?" Alec's tone was guarded; overtly so.

"Nothing, man, nothing at all. Just got home. You still at the university?" Matt asked.

"Er. yeah. Waiting to finish off an experiment. I'm in the one- hour incubation part of things," Alec replied.

"Cool." Another pause, from Matt this time. "Hey - I'm not disturbing you, am I? You sound a little preoccupied. Or are you just not a phone person?"

This was a golden opportunity, Alec realised, to sort this out once and for all. Should he take it?

"Well. I was kinda surprised to hear from you, is all," he said weakly.

"Oh. Why? I did tell you I'd give you a call this afternoon, didn't I?" Matt asked. "I'm pretty sure I did."

"You did. It's just. look, never mind. Not important." The pause was awkward this time.

"Er. okay," Matt said. "In that case. you up for a swim tonight? In your swimming gear this time, of course." He chuckled.

"Hah. Hilarious," Alec replied. "Yeah, we can swim."

"Nineish?" Matt suggested. "I'll meet you there. I need to finish an experiment up at my office tonight, so I'll be there from six onwards. Long night for me."

"Yeah. Okay, nine is cool."

"Cool."

"Yeah." Alec wasn't sure whether to come out and say it or what. Clearly Matt had something else to say too, or he would have hung up by now. "You don't mind swimming with a gay boy, I'm assuming."

Matt laughed. "I told you last night, I'm open-minded."

"You never said why, though," Alec countered. Matt laughed again.

"Why? Do I need a reason?" he said.

"Well-" Alec began.

"I mean, if I told you I was straight, or gay, or anything, would that be an issue? Would you be relieved? Disappointed? Both? Neither? Something else?"

"Dude, one at a time." Alec was caught, well on the back foot.

"Okay, one at a time, then. Would you be disappointed if I said straight?" Matt was hitting him from all sides. Alec may have taken the upper hand the night before, but not now, that was for sure. But there was a way out; as always, he could see it.

"I'd be surprised." There was a lengthy silence but for a hiss on the line. Alec briefly looked at his phone to make sure Matt hadn't hung up on him. The talk timer was still ticking.

"Surprised? Why?" Matt asked the question so bluntly that Alec was taken aback.

"Well, I. thought. I saw you checking me out," he said carefully. "I may have been wrong, but."

"No, you were right," Matt replied, "but you were standing there buck naked. Everyone would have gawked."

"Even in the locker room afterwards?" Alec hurled the challenge into his teeth, but Matt said nothing. "Okay, then, it was also the way you phrased everything with your loaded questions."

Matt affected a local accent. "I were on a government school. My English am terrible," Matt said.

"Okay, now you're just taking the piss."

"Yeah." Matt was enjoying himself. "I am."

Alec rallied. "Still, I'd be surprised. I mean, I've got you down to one of three possibilities, but I'm going for option C."

"Really? Option C? Okay, I suppose - is that a good one? What's option A?" Matt asked, amused.

"That's the gay sibling. B is the gay best friend."

"Hmm," Matt said. "I'm guessing then that puts you under both B and C too, yes? You gave this a lot of thought."

"You gave me a lot to think about!" Alec shot back, getting pissed off. Why was Matt dancing around this?

"You make that sound like such a bad thing," Matt said. "I mean, you are a career scientist, aren't you? Thinking is important, you know."

"Matt, look-"

"Alright, whoa, let's not get out of hand here. I'm really not trying to annoy you. I'm only teasing you. C it is, okay? It's not an issue, but. look, I'm kinda new to this. Even if I don't advertise, I'm not in denial."

"I never said-"

"Even if you did, it doesn't matter. Look, we're both cool with this, right?" said Matt.

"Yeah."

"And we'll be cool by the pool at nine, yeah?"

"Nine, yeah," Alec replied. He felt he owed Matt an explanation. "Look, after our chat last night. after I said that my last lover was a guy. I couldn't read you. You know how it is when you're option C and everyone else isn't."

"Yes, only too well," Matt said. "But just because we're on the same page this doesn't mean we're going to have sex after swimming tonight. I'm not that kind of boy."

Even now Matt was still terminally shy - there was clearly some baggage there, but Alec still didn't know what it was - but they had become an item about two months later, while the friendship was still budding. They'd agreed to take it slow, and a further three months after that, things had taken a slight turn to physical and after another six long months, Matt had finally stripped away his inhibitions and they had slept together.

Getting close to that stage over the six months had taken time - Matt had first crashed at Alec's place after the belated housewarming for Max; they had shared a bed for the first time. That was when it all finally came to a head - Matt asking Alec that morning if it would be okay to crash there, but insisting on a strict no-touching policy in bed. Alec acquiesced, puzzled; more so when they were finally heading off that night and a beyond- tipsy Matt had climbed into the bed in a pair of boxer-briefs, then, under the covers, pulled them off, accompanied by a drunken imitation fanfare. A bewildered Alec got a glimpse of his backside as he reached to drop them over the side.

Fuck, Matt was sexy. What a beautiful body! And look at that tiny little Speedo-tan, on that sun-toasted skin. Alec raised an eyebrow enquiringly in Matt's direction.

"Er. I thought we agreed to no touching tonight. You changed your mind?" Alec asked.

"No."

"Sending something of a mixed message there, chief." Alec was slurring his words slightly too.

Matt was curt, and seemed suddenly sober. "This is how I sleep. I haven't worn pyjamas since I was ten. That going to be a problem?"

"You sleeping naked? No. Not at all. Um. the no touching may prove trickier than I'd thought, though, because, fuck me, you are beautiful. And I guess I'm going to have to keep my clothes on." Through sheer effort of will, Alec resisted touching Matt right then.

"Look, this is important," Matt said, cool.

"I know, I know," Alec replied, crossing his arms for safety's sake, "but I'm not quite sure what you want from me, here. I mean, we're going out together, and we've finally started getting more physical and we're sharing a bed for the first time and you're naked and." He left it hanging.

"Maybe I should rather head ho-"

"Don't be silly. You're in no shape to drive and you know it. But maybe I should rather sleep on the couch in the lounge."

"Now you're being silly. Look, this is not working out." Frustration crept into Matt's voice.

"Matt. is this a test of some sort? Like Gandhi did with his women?" Matt stared at him.

"What?" Matt was lost.

"I mean, we're both gay, right? Do I make you uncomfortable? Is that it?"

"What?" That was definitely irritation.

"I'm guessing no, because, one, you're here, and two, you're arse- naked, but-"

"What are you on about, Alec?"

"I don't want to argue about this. I'm just not sure I understand." Alec shrugged.

"Understand? Understand what?"

"Exactly! Look, I realise you have these." Alec flailed for a word, "unknown issues about your body. I realized that right from the first night I met you. What am I supposed to do, here? Act like it's no big deal, like I did that night I swam naked in the pool?"

"Yes!" Matt was astounded. Alec sat up in the bed.

"But that was a big deal. And so is this. I need you to trust me, Matt. I've never seen you naked before, never. Getting undressed shouldn't be a big deal for us - we've been at the gym and the pool dozens of times now, and now we're going out with each other exclusively. Our touching has all been strictly above the belly button, let alone the belt. But now you're here with me, in my bed, for the first time, both of us well liquored up, and you absolutely beautiful with no clothes on, and the entire mystery of you is giving me a gigantic fucking hard-on and you expect me to be blas‚ about it?"

Matt stared at him, dumbstruck. "Yes," he spluttered eventually.

"You do know that I really want to do filthy things with you, right?"

"I'd assumed so," Matt said.

"Dude-" Alec began

"Nudity doesn't mean sex, you know!"

"I've undressed how many times in front of you with nothing happening? Of course I know! The question is, do you know?" Alec's retort was sharper than he'd intended. In response, Matt had a grim set to his jaw.

"This is stupid." Matt reached for his boxers, but Alec pulled them from his hands. "Hey! Give me my pants!" Matt said, alarmed.

"No." Alec dropped them on his side of the bed. "Look, it's not stupid. It's what you want, and I'm fine with that, for now. For as long as it takes." He paused. "But at some stage, I'm going to need to understand, Matt."

"Understand what?"

"Whatever it is you don't want to tell me. At the moment I'm left to guess, and my imagination is over-active. And let me say right now that I sincerely sincerely and I do mean oh so fucking sincerely hope at our age that it's not something flippant, like size."

Matt said nothing, just sat there, his arms hugging his knees, the overhead light golden on his tanned shoulders. Alec wondered if he'd gone too far, but it had needed saying.

"Do you know that I love you, Matt?"

Matt stared at him. Time stood still, it seemed; the silence was oppressive to Alec until it was replaced, his hearing overloaded, by the sound of his heart thumping through his head, like the beating of war drums, the blood racing through his ears.

"Wow," Matt said, his voice low, "apart from my folks, nobody's ever said that to me before."

"Then I'm going to tell you often. Hopefully for a long time." Alec leaned back into his pillow; Matt remained sitting upright.

"This is surreal," Matt said. Alec reached over and grabbed his hand.

"Yeah. It is," he said. "Beautifully so. Where's Dali when you need him?" He pulled Matt down to lie next to him. As Matt used his free hand to rearrange the sheets to protect his modesty, Alec resisted the temptation to rip them off him, sensing it would not be something accepted, or forgotten, by Matt. In fact, he knew that to do so would be to end the relationship right there and then.

What the fuck had happened to Matt?

"You've slept naked since you were ten, huh? How the hell did you pull that off without a complaint from the ber-conservative folks?" Matt had told him the story of the play-jamas. Alec had listened, and laughed along with Matt. Everything was fine, it seemed. No mention yet of The Reason, but presumably the complaints had been noted, and Alec was prepared to give them time to be addressed.

The alcohol eventually weighed too heavily on their eyelids, and sleep had taken them prisoner till the next morning, when a hung- over Nick had brought coffee. Alec, a light sleeper, had awoken as soon as Nick entered. He sat up, careful not to wake Matt, and took the two cups. Nick grinned at him.

"Somebody finally scored last night," he said, low, indicating Matt with his chin. "Hot damn! He's a keeper, yes?" Alec grinned back, nodding his head. "He's so pretty! Where can I get me one of those?"

"From the varsity swimming team summer sale. But be careful - it comes with a lot of baggage," Alec replied dryly.

"Oh, believe you me, I would love to get a look at his baggage," Nick said with a lascivious wink.

"Huh. Join the queue," Alec replied. Nick frowned, as Matt stirred. "We'll chat about it later," Alec said to Nick. "How was your night?"

"It was good. Regretting it now, though."

"Me too. Heap big headache."

"Yeah. I just popped three Disprin, so it should get better. You want some?"

Alec grinned. "Nah, I'll take my punishment so I can swear off drinking forever for a few days. Good times. Nathan awake yet? He did stay, right?" Alec said.

"Yeah he did. He's finishing his coffee. That always puts him in the mood, so I will go claim what I didn't get last night."

"Good times indeed," Alec said. "Or at least, it will be."

"Yup. And it's been ten days out of the loop, so he has got something coming."

"I can see that." Alec winked back at him. Nick grinned unselfconsciously and adjusted his swelling erection through his super-trendy Volcom boxers. Nick, unlike Matt, had a practical view of locker rooms and shared bathrooms from years in boarding school; he and Alec had seen each other unclothed hundreds of times in the eighteen months they'd shared the house, pretty much right from the word go. It was no big deal for them, usually; they'd been good friends a long while by now.

Nick had blinked first by wandering through the kitchen in just a towel on his fourth day in the house to the washing line to get a pair of boxers off it, hanging the towel up in exchange and surprising a moderately hung-over Alec who was washing dishes at the time by chatting to him for a minute or two, stark naked and tackle out up against the counter, before pulling the boxers on; Alec had added to His Highness's already immense annoyance - "you know, Alec, for a private school boy with as much money as his family has, he's really just so. so. so common, so. vulgar!" - by doing exactly the same thing two days later when Nick was washing up, and the day after that as well. By unspoken agreement it became routine, even after His Highness had left. On His Highness' last day amongst the commoners in the house, Nick had done it with a full erection, completely straight faced while Alec shook in silent hysteria at the priceless, horrified look perched on the royal brow.

"Heh. You should see Nathan's. He's about fit to explode," Nick replied impishly. "So I will go and see to him. Perhaps you and Gorgeous can go for round two as well, hmmm?"

Alec smiled in reply as Nick padded out of the room. Even though Nathan occasionally got on his nerves he was glad for Nick. At least one of them was getting a frequent release. Alec hadn't had the pleasure of an orgasm in company since the last time with Chris; that itself had been a fiasco. They'd had the big bust-up, the last bust-up, during the post-orgasmic bliss of the make-up sex from the second bust-up, the drying traces of Alec's semen punctuating Chris's belly as they'd started fighting. What a fucking mess.

He looked across at Matt, bathed in sunlight like a miracle from heaven in the middle of a storm, his short dark hair mussed from sleep, hints of stubble about his chin and cheeks, skin soft and golden brown, each deep breath a whisper in the stillness, and wondered. It was, he knew, a case of when, not if, they would sleep together. So far, though, the topic had been skirted. He didn't even know if Matt preferred to be on top or at the bottom. What if they weren't compatible? Was it actually possible in this day and age for young people like them, himself in particular, to have a relationship where sex was entirely immaterial? He doubted it.

Again he resisted the temptation to lift the sheet and see Matt in his entirety. Surely the size wasn't what was bothering him. The red Speedo certainly bulged in the right places, that was for sure; and although Matt didn't seem huge flaccid, Alec knew he wasn't either. And Matt, who had seen him naked many times at the pool or gym showers in the five months since they'd met, must know it too. What was the problem? And more importantly, when would Matt get over it? Alec really wanted to fuck him; he knew better than to push it, of course, but it had been eight months since Chris. It was a long time, especially since he was in a relationship now. He was no stranger to a bit of DIY; they were on a nickname basis these days, but he'd much rather get stuck into Matt, and let Matt get stuck into him.

They'd been friends for about five months now, going out for three of those. The first tentative touches - all through the clothes - had only happened two weeks ago. The first kiss, just a peck, had been less than a month ago. Matt's approach was progressively old- fashioned, if such a thing could exist; he was controlling things. Alec up till now had always been the dominant partner in a relationship; the Matt experience was a new one to him. But why was Matt so slow? What was he not happy about? Did he want to hear that Alec loved him before allowing anything further to develop? It was all a bit puzzling; Alec, for one, would have been more than happy to initiate sex on the second date, but Matt didn't seem to have any desire for it at all. Alec assumed Matt was involved in a bit of DIY at home too - surely he wasn't getting his rocks off with anyone else - and three months, well, that was a long time too.

Alec sipped his coffee - Nick tended to make it a little weaker and a lot sweeter the morning after a heavy night - and sat, gazing at the sleeping figure of Matt. He and Chris had rarely woken up together - twice, maybe - during their brief affair; they had been insatiable and had enjoyed frequent sex just about anywhere, even occasionally in a bed. A couch, a kitchen table, cars, several times in the shower and one particularly memorable occasion in an open field in the pouring rain - anywhere and often. Alec realised fairly early on that it should have been a purely physical thing, but their emotional attachment was making things awkward, and they had probably thought they were really in love when really they weren't. Not romantic love, anyway. As a result, they had never done the dinner and a movie and back to bed thing, so mornings like this had been unheard of.

Matt's breathing rhythm altered as his eyes fluttered open and he blinked in the light. He looked around, briefly puzzled, before realizing where he was.

"Good morning, sunshine." Alec's voice cut the silence as he put his coffee on the side table and Matt turned to grin at him. "You sleep okay?"

"Hey. Yeah, it was good." Matt stretched his arms backwards and bent sideways, groaning in pleasure as his muscles bunched like fists beneath his skin. "Ah, awesome." He looked up at Alec, and smiled shyly at him. "Hey - you're cute first thing in the morning." He reached up to smooth a few strands of hair, sticking up belligerently from Alec's crown.

Alec smiled, flattered. "I bet you say that to all the boys," he murmured, then was surprised at Matt threw both arms around him and kissed him full on the mouth. The momentum carried them both over sideways, and the sheet slipped off Matt as he lay naked atop Alec. In the mirror behind the door, Alec could see his full reflection, that beautiful tight toned tanless backside, the cleft of his cheeks, and as Matt squirmed above him, even a hint, no, more than that, of scrotum. He was a little preoccupied with trying to see as much as he could as Matt's tongue fought for domination. Very gently, Alec put both arms on Matt's back as they rolled around on top of the bed, taking care not to let them drift too far downwards. It was perplexing, but his mind was ringing with cries of carpe diem, and so he just went with it.

Abruptly, Matt rolled off him, and sat up, knees raised. Alec assumed he was trying to cover what was turning into a fairly evident erection; at least, that was what it had felt like. Matt then rolled over again, and lay face down on the bed, looking sidelong at Alec, grinning through an extended yawn. The sun lit a strip of his back aflame, the sheet long since fallen under gravity to the bedroom floor. The light gripped the bulges of taut muscle, the grooves of the various groups on his back defined in shadow. And that backside!

"Jesus."

"What?" Matt asked.

"Look at you!" Matt grinned in reply. "God, I could take a Pulitzer-prize-winning photo of you."

"No - Pulitzers are news photos," Matt replied.

"Well, this would win one," Alec said vehemently. "Yowsers - it would be the most awesome photograph ever." He stared at Matt's figure. "Er. could I?"

"Come now. I'm naked!"

"Um. that's the point."

Matt stared at him. "Wait - you're being serious."

"Yeah, dude. Dead serious. It would be the most beautiful, tasteful, elegant and magnificent nude photograph ever taken." Alec waited. "Please?" he asked plaintively.

Matt stared at him, then looked away, then back again, bewildered and bemused. Alec wondered if he had overstepped the mark. It was an honest request though - he looked unreal lying there like that, an Adonis.

"What for?" Matt's question was tinged with equal parts of curiosity and bewilderment.

"Wow - it's just. right there, right now. it's the light. It's your tan. Your cock-sure pose, the rumpled sheets, the mussed hair. More than that. it's the look in your eyes - it's all so beautiful," Alec said. Matt stared at him again, then shifted position slightly. "No! No!" Matt stopped, alarmed. "Dude, if you're even thinking about letting me take one, please don't move. Everything is perfect right now."

Matt regarded him. "Whose camera?" Matt asked.

"I'll borrow Max's camera."

"No." Matt was curt. "Digital. Are you out of your mind? It's not getting developed in a shop. And you have to take it, or no dice." Alec stopped dead in his tracks.

"Okay. Nick's camera. My batteries are fucked after last night."

"No. My camera. Nobody else finds out about this." Matt's tone brooked no argument.

"Okay. Where is it?"

Matt stalled for a second, deciding. "In my bag, over in the corner. Side pouch. And hurry, my back is cramping." Alec sat in suspended animation for a second, then was galvanized into action. "One more thing - I retain full creative control, yeah? I don't like it, I delete it."

"Fine. Whatever is fine. Just let's get the fucking thing before the light goes. Or something." Was this really happening? He stuck to his task and pulled out Matt's spectacular little Fuji Finepix, a gift from his parents for Christmas which his dad had bought in Singapore.

"How the hell did I let you talk me into this?" Matt asked.

"Matt, if you're uncomfortable." Alec began, mentally cursing his lousy luck.

"No, no. I'll admit I'm surprised, but." Matt paused. "Take it. I can always change my mind later and delete it."

"Yeah. But you won't - it'll be too superb," Alec said. He lifted the camera to eye level, made sure it was set to full resolution, quickly selected an angle and pointed it. "Hey, what's the time? I can't read my clock from here." He timed it to perfection - as Matt turned away from facing him and the camera head-on to look at the clock, the sunlight caught his hair - and pressed the shutter. As he heard the shot, Matt turned back, annoyed. Alec stepped around, getting towards Matt's feet, one still tangled under the sheets.

"Hey! I wasn't ready!" Matt complained. Alec squeezed off another capture, committing the plaintive look on Matt's face into the camera's memory stick, slight frown and pout one and all a binary bit-stream raining onto the magnetic surface.

"Two in a row!" Alec said.

Matt half rose, self-conscious about revealing his front side, and tried to reach for the camera. "Give me that. You're breaking the rules!" he said, arm outstretched. Alec stepped further to place him square in the middle of the lens and took one last shot. With a grin, he handed the camera over.

"Don't delete them," Alec said. "I'm telling you now that they are superb. Would have been better with Max's camera, though, I reckon; particularly in this light. Nevertheless."

"Why didn't you wait till I was ready?"

"Because posed pictures are crap." Max always said you have to shoot from the hip, anyway.

Matt switched modes on the camera and peered into the screen on the back. Alec took the opportunity to sneak a look at Matt's tight backside, a milk-white racing Speedo against his toffee suntan. Man, that was beautiful! Look at the definition of his back, his biceps, his hamstrings.

"Hey wow! These came out okay," Matt said, passing the camera back to Alec, who peered into the little screen.

"Okay? What are you, nuts?" Alec was incredulous. "Dude, look at this! This shot is magnificent!" Alec had to admit to himself that the Finepix had done a super job, particularly on the second shot of Matt's slight irritation. Imagine these shots enlarged a bit - they would be legendary! Move over, Bruce Weber. "The camera loves you. We should do this again."

"Be serious!" Matt was embarrassed, but Alec detected a glimmer of satisfaction. "Could I please have my pants? Where'd you put them last night?"

"Here." Alec retrieved the boxerbriefs from the floor and handed them to Matt, who rolled over and sat facing away from Alec as pulled them on.

"I can't believe I let you do that!" he said as he stood up and turned around.

"Me neither, Matt. But I'm glad you did," Alec said soberly. "You should ditch the zoology and get into modeling, man."

Matt looked at him, a quizzical expression on his face, a definite bulge signifying a flagging erection pressing against the button fly of his pants, almost as sexy as him lying naked on the bed with the sun on his back. "You reckon?"

"Well, maybe not ditch the zoo, but you should definitely let someone take some pictures of you. I mean, look at these - you're magnificent."

"Yeah, but as you said, the conditions are perfect."

Alec scowled at him. "Even so. You should let someone who is geared up for this take some pictures. Those came out really well. In fact, I hope you're going to let me have a copy."

Matt grinned at him. "We'll see, if you behave yourself." He looked again at the camera screen; Alec took advantage of the situation to check out his package, still swollen in the pouch of his boxers. "Wow. I'd fuck me. I have a nice arse."

Alec laughed out loud. "Yeah, you certainly do."

Matt turned the camera off. "Well, guess I can scratch that off my `to do' list. I've kinda always wanted to pose nude for someone, since I was a kid, before." he broke off, and looked away from Alec. "Before now."

"Hey, I'm more than happy to take some pictures of you any time. In fact, maybe one day we can get someone to take pictures of us. You know, together," Alec replied. Matt shot him a look.

"What, you mean when we start having sex?" he said. "I'm not sure I could ever have someone filming me fucking, I don't think. It would freak me out."

A good start - that was a when' and not an if,' Alec thought. Aloud he had said, "Me neither. It would be too weird, I think. I'm thinking more just awesome pictures of the two of us hanging around. But I'll admit I'm looking forward to us taking the next step." He smiled in a manner he hoped was encouraging, not too lewd.

Matt had grinned back at him, and winked. "Me too."

The months passed slowly as Alec and Matt grew gradually more accustomed to each other. A point of concern for Alec was the residual, perennial shyness. While he and Chris had learned the hard way that purely physical relationships take massive amounts of strain, Alec was not planning on a lifetime of celibacy, and Matt's inherent shyness and subsequent snail's pace was just short of being a major detriment. He was ridiculously self-conscious, and still insisted on a very slow course of action, destination somewhere only he knew, and ETA highly classified. Five months after the first kiss and Alec had still not seen him naked, neither getting into or out of bed, nor at the gym or the pool; touching remained strictly above the navel, let alone the belt. The waiting was beginning to frustrate Alec. He, Max and Nick had discussed the matter several times and neither of them could really fathom what was going on.

"It's gone beyond old-fashioned," Nick mused once. "This is borderline psychosis. What the hell does he want from you?"

"I dunno," Alec replied. "But more importantly, what the fuck happened to make things like this?" That was the million dollar question and nobody knew the answer. Everyone had had a private guess or two but Matt refused to comment so nobody knew how close any of them actually were. Not that Alec ever `fessed up to discussing this with Nick and Max, either.

"I think it's time to insist on an explanation," Nick said. "I mean, he wants to delay the sex, fine. It's his privilege, of course."

"But then at least say why. I'm guessing it's not a religious argument," Max said.

"Certainly not."

"And, well, without attempting to sully your good name, of course." Nick waited for a green light.

"Carry on."

"He's seen yours, and you're not exactly about to tear him a new one, size-wise."

"To my immense disappointment, no. As you have pointed out and are well aware, I'm not quite packing a foot-long hotdog, unfortunately," Alec replied. "Sad, but true." He shot Nick an annoyed look. "But thanks for that."

"I do what I can," Nick replied with a wink. "But don't worry about it - you have a really nice cock, I reckon, and I know these things."

"Thanks, I suppose. So do you."

"I know. I really, really, really love my dick," Nick sighed, content.

"I think you guys need to sit down and chat about this. Seriously," Max said. "As in not making a good-natured joke about it. Make a point of having a conversation only around the nature of your relationship, nothing else."

"Yeah." Alec paused. "I don't want to make this seem like a deal- breaker..." Alec broke off.

"But?" Max was never the sort to pull punches.

"But. well, it kind-of is." Alec looked away.

"Don't be ashamed to say it, Alec. You need to know if this is going anywhere. Crikey - you've been an item ten months already, and nothing has changed in ages. You know it, he knows it. I think it's time to call him on it. If he just wants to be friends, then cool, yes?"

"Of course," Alec nodded. Nick and Max had nodded in approval. "But not kissing friends. That's how I fucked up things with Chris."

"Amen to that. Either way, you have needs. And the number one need is that you need to know where this is going," Nick said.

Alec knew that Nick was right. At the same time, though, he didn't want to place undue pressure on Matt. Perhaps there was really something hardcore in it. What if he'd been molested or something? This was something which may need to be handled extremely carefully, and he couldn't proceed until he had more of an inkling as to what had happened.

Another few weeks passed with no progress. Alec had avoided broaching the situation - stupid, he knew - but it couldn't really be helped, was his argument. He eventually realized that tensions were rising between the two of them, palpably so. In fact, even Max commented on it. Not that Max wouldn't have noticed because he was not blind and anyway it was painfully obvious, but because even though he never beat around the bush when asked for an opinion, Max was rarely the sort to offer a critique unsolicited.

Alec had made up his mind to speak on the subject. They were crashing at Matt's place on a Thursday night after a dinner party thrown by Matt's housemate, and Alec decided he would say something the next morning. He wasn't quite sure what, but it would be something to get things started.

Matt was restless as they were getting ready for bed - usually, he went to wash his face and brush his teeth and hopped into bed while Alec was doing likewise, but this time, when Alec returned to Matt's room, Matt was still standing there, doing nothing, in his jeans with no shirt on, waiting for something. Alec realized immediately that something was happening - Matt was just standing there, not actually doing anything at all.

"Ah. You're back," Matt said. "Good night, don't you think?"

"Very good," Alec replied, wary. "I enjoyed it immensely. Good food, great company - good times."

Matt nodded. Alec stripped down to his underwear - boxers when out and about or in company; purely to keep up appearances as a nod to a largely despised popular culture, of course - and climbed into the bed, watching from the corner of his eye as Matt busied himself with all sorts of arbitrary shit. Straightening things. Fiddling with stuff. Rearranging this and that pointlessly. It was very obviously pure time-wasting, Alec realized with growing trepidation. Once Alec was settled, Matt closed the door as much as he could and quickly undid his jeans and stepped out of them. As always, he dumped them over his chair at the desk. He turned abruptly to Alec, who was watching with half an eye while pretending not to notice that something was different, all the time with the hairs rising on the nape of his neck.

"Um." Matt was nervous; it was obvious to Alec. He consciously tried not to frown and offered his first-class, most-secret- weapon, desperate-times-call-for-desperate-measures, one-hundred- percent-failsafe smile at Matt.

Matt swallowed and looked away.

Suddenly, Alec was nervous too. His mouth felt dry and his balls pulled themselves into his body and he felt a sensation which he didn't feel often, but which he knew only too well. It was a sensation which had only happened a handful of times, but something which he dreaded. He'd felt it first as a young boy when he'd lost his favourite marble in a competitive game, one he hadn't wanted to play but for some reason had gone in for. Later, he'd felt it when his dad had said no to him going alone to his first ever rock concert at the age of fifteen - it was his favourite band playing. Then again when Damien had gone away to university. And lastly, when he realized halfway through the last fight that things were over with Chris, and perhaps irreparable as well. And now it was happening again.

He'd finally figured out when Damien had gone that the sensation was genuine sadness, major top-level honest-to-goodness one hundred percent authentic sadness, the sort of real sadness which only happens when things are really bad, when you are down and out and run short on luck and you discover that the Universe is sometimes against you, and the experience officially punched you, bruised you, deep in your soul. In that instant, as the sensation welled and ebbed in him, the sounds of war beating in his head, Alec had a terrible fear that he and Matt were finished.

He dreaded what Matt might say, and how he might react to it. And what tomorrow might bring.

"Look." Matt brought him rushing back into the present, standing across the room in his underwear, a pair of branded, gingham- checked boxers, also worn especially when there was company. Alec struggled to keep his expression neutral. Matt looked away, then back again.

"This is kinda awkward for me - it's not something I've had to do that often." He took a deep breath and looked down before trapping Alec in his piercing gaze. "It's not tonight, but it's soon. Okay?"

Still the drums pounded a machine-gun beat in Alec's chest. He swallowed, confused. "Not tonight? What's not tonight?"

Matt stared self-consciously at the floor again. "The big night." He looked up as the seconds ticked past. "You and me. first time together."

Alec struggled to contain his relief. Things were obviously not over - at least, Matt had no intentions of ending them. He grasped at something, anything, to keep Matt from noticing his discomfort and confusion. "Soon?"

"Well. think days and not minutes," Matt said.

"Okay."

"But also days, not weeks," Matt said. "But not tonight, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay," Matt nodded. Alec watched him as he looked away again - clearly there was something else. You could see Matt was psyching himself up for something. Matt looked at him and held his gaze for a few seconds. He took a deep breath. Without warning, his hands moved to his sides and gripped the waistband of his boxers.

Time froze for Alec. Every detail of the scene burned itself into his long-term memory. The room was brightly lit, even though one of the bulbs in the pair of spotlights in the ceiling had blown the day before. Matt's red shirt, the smart trendy one with the soft sleeves and floppy collar he'd worn to dinner, hung from the door handle. Alec's breath shattered the silence in his head, roaring in his ears as the fine detail streamed into his brain. The clock-radio on the bedside table read 11:56pm.

In stop-motion, Alec registered the movement of Matt's hands as he tugged his boxers down, down over his hips as he bent his back, down as the fine gingham checks, pink on white, folded into each other below the Abercrombie logo on the waistband, down, down as he let gravity take over and carry them to the carpet below. The light from the remaining bulb overhead offset his skin, tanned golden cappuccino, and for the first time, as Matt casually flicked his boxers off into the air with one foot and caught them in an outstretched hand, Alec gazed at the naked beauty of him.

Matt balled the boxers in one hand and threw them into a corner of the room as time resumed its normal pace for Alec. He wasn't sure what to say, whether he should say anything at all. Matt just stood there, still pretending to straighten something, not looking at him, naked, nonchalant but calculatedly so because Alec knew there was absolutely no way he could actually pull off nonchalance, not naked like this, one hand awkwardly placed on his hip, the other dangling useless at his side.

Alec could see the tension in him, the bunched-up trapezius clenched in spasm in Matt's neck a dead giveaway. Go on, look at me, please, and let's just get it over with, he seemed to say. Alec could tell he desperately wanted to use the other hand to cover himself, that it was truly the most massive effort to expose himself so completely like this, that he was vulnerable and really just needed to turn around and turn off the light and embrace the cover of darkness, but that at the same time, this was all part of it. This was built into The Plan somewhere, somewhere in that master document for this relationship which Matt had in his head which only he saw; somewhere in the blueprint Matt had decided that he would do this, here, tonight, and Alec must let it be.

"You coming to bed?" Alec said eventually, a smile playing across his face. He could see the relief in Matt as he turned out the light and stepped across to climb into the bed. On the outside Matt was twenty six years old, but inside he was just a kid that night, a nervous, gawky, awkward lad allowed out for the first time to run with the big boys, not completely confident and a bit uncomfortable in this new, ill-fitting skin. Alec had felt exactly the same the first time he'd undressed in front of Chris during their affair - they'd seen each other naked countless times growing up and beyond that, but the first time in a sexual context was horribly nerve-wracking, probably because of the knowledge of what was going to happen next. And the erections.

As Matt got comfortable alongside him in the dark, he counted to five, then reached across and put on the bedside lamp. Yeah, Matt was trying hard to let Alec see him naked, but give the guy a break. The five-count appeared to have done the trick and Matt was under the sheets. As Alec had suspected, this experience was only the start of things; Matt did not kick the covers off while they were lying there to let Alec have a closer look at him. Alec reached under the sheet and squeezed his hand.

"I like your slow approach," he said. Matt looked up at him, frowning slightly.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I gotta tell you I was a bit put out at first, I'll admit. But I think in retrospect it was a good idea. Even though it has been a long while."

Matt grinned at him. "Not that long, surely?" Alec shrugged.

"Fourteen months. Longest dry spell I've ever endured, I think. Well, the longest since I first got active with another actual person, at least. The school years were fairly barren, it must be said."

"Mine too. I was terrified. Probably because I hadn't made a call, though - I was still straight, I thought," Matt said.

"I think we all thought we were. Er. I'll admit to a certain amount of oral sex with girls in high school, if someone were to ask," Alec replied.

"Really? Do you remember what it was like?" Matt asked curiously. He rolled onto his side and regarded Alec.

"I remember the first one vividly. I suppose we all do, though, good or bad - it's the first one. It's that whole boy-man crossover thing. The others with girls - one was good, the other wasn't. I guess by then I knew. I felt bad for her."

"All the same girl?"

"No. The first two were the same girl. I think she suspected at the time; either way, to protect her I didn't tell anyone what we'd done. And I don't think I did a very good job back on her, to make things worse." Alec paused. "She was a great bird, though. We still keep in contact, in fact."

"You have sex with her?" Matt's tone was casual, but Alec was sure he was playing it down deliberately.

"No. She was saving that for a long-term prospect. I could have been it, I think, but I decided not to let it develop. Probably for the best."

"You ever fuck a girl?" Matt asked.

"Nearly. The second one - we were on course for all the way; the legendary full point on a one nighter. But I couldn't concentrate. I felt I was letting myself down. In part because I was now sure I was gay; and also because I wasn't sure what I was going to do at school for the next few months. I couldn't just ignore her because I'm not that kind of guy, but I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere and so I didn't feel right about the one-nighter, not then."

"So what happened?"

Alec sighed. "We were both naked and had been drinking a bit and we were going down on each other." He glanced sidelong at Matt, still listening with interest. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Of course. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't."

"Okay. The oral wasn't going that well. I mean, I wasn't enjoying it that much, but I had a good hard-on because of what was going to happen next." He shook his head. "I was this close to actually sticking my cock in her. Then the nerves hit and I was thinking about consequences and I suppose my upbringing and all that kicked in and I lost my erection. I flipped her over to cover it but she knew, I think. Anyway, I lay between her legs and carried on with my tongue and fingers until she came. Then I ran to the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat and threw up so I could blame it all on the alcohol. I doubt she believed me, though."

"Wow." A lengthy pause. "If you hadn't gone soft." Matt left the question hanging. Alec responded immediately.

"Yeah, I'd have done it. Gay or not, upbringing or not, that was a window and I wanted to try it at least once." He exhaled, a long sigh. "Kinda still do, I have to say. You never went with a girl?"

"Nope," Matt grinned ruefully at him.

"That makes two of us. Damien swears by it, though. He says it has to be experienced to be believed. I suppose he knows what he's talking about. He's been both ways, I think."

"You think? He's never said?"

"No. He and I don't talk about stuff like that. Dirty jokes, sure; hints and allegations and double entendres left right and center, but never about sex we've had. Look, he says he's bisexual - his claim, not mine, so there is some interest there. I know he's been with a few girls, and I suspect there have been a few guys, but who knows how far it went? He's never one to kiss and tell. Not that I am, either, but. still, he loves the ladies."

"But Chris was turned right off it," Matt mused.

"Yup. But like with mine, I think his is a mental issue. He doesn't think its right for him. Damien still thinks he could get it to work. He hasn't yet, though."

"I did want to try it, too," Matt said. "But I never let the opportunity arise. I guess there's an upbringing issue in there somewhere too. And since we're on the topic. and since we've never broached it before. what's your preferred role? For when we start, I mean."

"Well, what's yours?" Alec asked. Matt shrugged.

"I. I've. kinda. always liked the idea of versatility, although I've never tried it," he said, suddenly shy. He looked questioningly at Alec.

"I think that's a good start," Alec replied. "I had only ever been on top before Chris came along. So had he. We had to compromise, so we agreed to try to be versatile and I think it worked well for us. Certainly puts a whole new spin on everything, that's for sure. You ever bottomed before?"

"Um. not as such." Matt blushed.

"Oh. Well, no matter - we'll take it slowly. Lucky for you, I do not have Chris's elephant schlong. Without trying to put you off or anything. man, he nearly tore me a new one!"

"You got used to it in the end, surely!" Matt said.

"Yeah. Then I used to look forward to it. But it took a couple of goes to get fully comfortable with it, I have to tell you. And there were a couple of positions which were just no-go areas." Alec stopped. "But I'm sure you don't want to hear about my last sex partner. I apologise. That was really insensitive, given your..." he indicated the boxers, gingham checks partly visible, behind the door.

"Hey, let's not worry about it. We probably should have had this conversation some time ago, anyway," Matt replied.

"So who was the first guy you did the nasty with? I'm sure you remember all the details," Alec said.

"Um. can we maybe talk about that another time?" Matt said. Alec frowned at him, slightly bewildered. Why was he not keen to talk about this? "I'm just really tired and the wine from dinner isn't helping." He grinned.

"Sure," Alec said. "Get the light."

As they lay in the dark, Alec's mind raced. Matt was not keen to talk about his first sexual experiences - this must have something to do with the nudity issue. Presumably the first time was traumatic. Alec fervently hoped it wasn't anything scarring. He'd been right at first guess - size didn't seem to be the issue. Matt was at least a little bigger flaccid than he was, from the shocked brief look Alec had just had. But then what was?

It took a while for Alec to fall asleep. There was this mysterious issue, for one, and now there was the added delight of Matt's announcement. Days, not weeks. This weekend? Sometime this week? Next weekend? Whichever it was, it was something exciting. Alec felt his cock stirring with the thought, and allowed his mind to drift to the events of the evening. Damn, Matt is so sexy! That body! And the way he did the unveiling - fantasy stuff right there, Alec thought. It was so hard for him to do it, too. At the same time, the darker, more cynical inner Alec reasoned, it could have been so much easier. If he'd just got over whatever it was, and opted to take a shower in the gym or anywhere a couple of times, it wouldn't have been nearly as draining as it was. Can you imagine if you'd laughed because of the tension, Alec thought to himself. It would have scarred Matt for life. And it would have been purely from his own nerves, too, and the whole thing could have been wrecked. Talk about walking a tight-rope.

Was this a tacit go-ahead to sort of make for third base until things actually happened? Or was Matt still thinking that the big night meant third base and that anything beyond that was still somewhere further down the line? Perhaps not - he was talking tops and bottoms, after all. But surely third base was accessible much earlier on than eleven months down the line if full-on sex was just around the corner? Lots of questions, considerably fewer answers. Well, eleven months already - another few days probably wouldn't kill him.

Now as Max retreated down the corridor to where Chris and the rest were settling to breakfast, Alec and Matt were hurriedly making themselves presentable, wiping up the last traces of each other's DNA, and finding t-shirts. Alec was reminded of Chris once again as Matt gave his balls a quick scratch and they headed into the bathroom to rinse their mouths out. Hard to believe that Matt half dressed like this was almost more sexy than Matt naked.

"I didn't even ask - was Chris surprised to see Damien?" Matt said, splashing water over his face and tweaking a few loose bits of hair into place.

"Dude, he nearly came in his pants!" Alec laughed. "Smiled so wide I'm surprised the top of his head didn't fall off." He sobered up, and smiled ruefully. "It's good Damien is here. Four days away - we got lucky, I think. It's going to make everything much less strained. Our history as well, let's not forget."

"If you don't mind me saying so, I think it will do him good," Matt remarked. "I think he needs the recharge time. We all do; but him in particular, I think." Alec nodded.

"Yeah. He's headed for burnout. If I didn't know him as well as I do, I'd say he might even have been depressed. Clinically, you know? The real shit, needing chemical correction from an actual psychiatrist. Not just someone who thinks he's having a rough time. I think he's turned the corner, though, but even so, it's only four days."

"True enough," Matt replied, "but four days where he's completely away from it all. Where if something goes wrong, he's physically too far away to do anything about it. And once you realize that, you can't help but relax. I mean, no point worrying if you can't fix it, is there?"

"Too true," Alec said. Matt had clearly had this discussion with someone else at some stage, he thought.

"And of course," Matt said, moving away from the basin so Alec could get in there, "if the three of you need some time to yourselves, you will let me know, right?"

Alec frowned. "Dude, you're as much a part-"

"Alec, this is important. It's not only up to you. I expect you to tell me when I'm not wanted, okay? I'm not going to get between the three of you. Just because we're together doesn't mean that we have to assimilate everything. You know that."

Alec looked at Matt in the mirror, water dripping off his eyebrows as Matt gazed back at him, concerned, and shrugged. "I'm glad you understand."

"Come now. I understood from that first night in the car on the way home. God, I thought you were going to cry when you told me that you and Chris were struggling to get back on speaking terms," Matt said.

"Crap!" Alec retorted, indignant.

"Alec, your voice was a death rattle caught in your throat. I didn't know what to do with myself. You've said it before - you knew it was a bad idea right from the start; the complete regret and remorse was mirrored in you. I heard the saddest song in the whole world that night." Matt turned and left the bathroom.

Alec splashed another handful of water into his face, and looked at his reflection in the mirror without seeing it. The saddest song in the world - that was probably about right. And it could have ended worse, too. He'd cried his eyes out to Damien on the phone that morning - unbeknown to either of them Damien had come, the first flight out the next morning; compassionate leave after his "grandmother passed away" - then hit rock bottom. That afternoon, that night. He'd hit a local club intent on rebound- fucking his way home, for no other reason than because he could. Once inside. The alcohol, bottles of it. A fuckload of drugs, all given away by late-night revelers if you flirted enough with them. Nick had found him, somehow. Nick had taken him home, stripped him and cleaned him, scraping the vomit off him with his bare hands. Nick had called in favours, plural, to make sure he would be okay without getting him into trouble. He should have spent a night in hospital; from there, who knew?

But Nick had made some calls, got a friend who was a doctor to come to the house and pass judgment, to take blood in stolen test- tubes and get it analysed at the University hospital labs under a false flag and monitor the situation. It had been early Sunday morning, just before sunrise, when he had given the okay and had left the scene, Alec's room a veritable ward of stolen equipment - discarded syringes, drips, various dip-sticks. Nick had had the good sense to get rid of it all before Damien arrived, too; they'd spoken at some stage, clearly, and Nick knew he was coming and had acted quickly and decisively.

How the fuck he had pulled it off was a mystery to Alec. Of course he was grateful. Nick had saved his life, perhaps literally, and it may have been a small step but it was a good start to a long process. All this was two years distant now; still, though, Alec and Chris walked on eggshells around each other to a point. It was just as well that Damien was there after all; equilibrium between all three of them always sat better than between two.