A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took so long. I was kind of busy with school and finals and all. Now that I'm out for break, here's another chapter! Let me warn you that this chapter does not actually detail any sexual acts. This is the chapter that I really decided to give the story plot, character development, etc. Enter Jordan's mind and learn his doubts. I hope you enjoy it! Remember to e-mail me your thoughts at thegrantfinale123@gmail.com
By the way, I'm also going to be uploading some of my other stories. They're mostly one-shots, but keep an eye out for them. The first one I'm going to submit will be called "Until the Sun Rose" and will be in the relationship section. Let me know what you think of it!
Merkle's Boner by Aaron Grant
Chapter Seven:
Zach slept over that night, but I didn't do much sleeping at all. Zach was nestled tightly in my arms, snoring softly, but sleep decided not to come to me tonight. I lie there, listening to the gentle cadence of Zach's breath, and thought about the days events.
This morning, Zach and I were merely friends, experimenting with each other, experi- encing only a mere curiosity about the male form. Now, he was in my arms, sleeping soundly. I was experiencing a mix of emotions at the moment. I was mentally kicking myself for allowing the kid to get the better of me, letting him have his way with me, for turning me gay. But at the same time, I never wanted to let go of the kid. I just had this extreme desire to protect him, to hold him in my arms and make it so nothing bad could ever happen to him.
Then I thought of Jessica.
Oh gosh, it was bad enough when I told her Zach gave me a blowjob. How would I be able to explain to her that I let him fuck me? She would be so mad at me -- probably break up with me; I did cheat on her, technically. I mean, I had kind of figured we were through by the way she stormed out yesterday when I'd...I'd really rather not relive that moment. But we had never really broken up, so technically, I just cheated on her with Zach.
Zach moaned softly and turned around in his sleep, burying his head in my chest. Damn, this kid really knew how to get to me. Every little thing he did I loved: the way he'd blush whenever I smiled at him, the way his teeth shone brightly whenever I touched him, the way he'd melt into my arms when I'd hug him. I could lie here, with him in my arms, forever and be completely happy.
Well, maybe not completely.
I thought of my parents. My parents would freak. Their only son was gay. Oh, that'd be a heartbreaker to them. They would disown me, send me out of the house at just 15 years old. I couldn't take that. No, my parents would never know. But...I am their son; they should love me no matter what, right? Sadly, that's not the case with many kids these days. Zach once told me that his parents found a gay magazine under his bed, and they cried for days until Zach finally lied and told them it was a girl's that she had left here.
They cried. Over a magazine. They refused to speak to their own son because of a dirty magazine. Really, was it that wrong to be gay? It's not like we're infectious. We're just people, living our lives, loving, just like anybody else.
Oh gosh, listen to me. We. I'm already talking like a gay. I mean, I don't have any problems with gays, obviously. But...was I really gay? Thinking about it, I seriously didn't want to be. I didn't want to be made fun of by my peers, I didn't want my parents to be disappointed in me. I wanted to get married, have children, and start a family with a beautiful, sweet, intelligent girl. I wanted to teach my son to play baseball, and spend evenings with him outside playing catch after work. I wanted a normal life.
Zach squirmed around in my arms, and I knew that no matter what, I'd never have normal life.
Sleep finally came over me, and when I awoke, Zach was no longer in my arms. Sleepily, I got up and headed downstairs, still in just my boxers and a plain white t-shirt. My hair was a wild mess. My mind was racing last night, giving me a splitting headache this morning. Everybody else was still asleep, but Zach was up, happily making breakfast in the kitchen. He was frying some eggs when I came down. "Hey, baby!" he smiled happily at me. "How do you like your eggs? Scrambled or sunny-side-up?"
Still groggy, I poured myself a cup of the coffee Zach had made and sat down at the kitchen table. I didn't process what Zach had said until about a minute later. "Zach...what happened last night...that doesn't mean..."
Zach flipped the egg on the pan."What do you mean? We had sex. You said you were gay. I slept in your arms. We're totally a couple."
"Zach, I don't know exactly what I was doing." I confessed. "I was caught up in the moment. You were horny; I was horny. I got carried away." Zach dropped the spatula. "Wh-what are you saying?"
I looked down at my cup of coffee. "I'm sorry, Zach."
I looked up to see tears welling up in Zach's eyes.This is what I was afraid of. Zach had already fallen in love with me; I'd strung him along too much. I didn't mean to, but I guess I was just getting his hopes up, only to let him down. I felt likea jackass. I played the kid, toyed with his emotions, and then tore him down. Zach's eyes flashed from hurt to anger. "No," he said. "NO! You can't do this to me!" He was shouting now. I was afraid he was going to wake everybody up. He flipped the pan he'd been cooking in, sending boiling pieces of egg all over the kitchen, one of them hitting my face. I screamed in pain and swatted it off of me. The pan hit my coffee cup, spilling it all over the table; some of it spilled on my pants, singing my crotch. I yelped. "You can't do that to people, Jordan," Zach shouted. "You can't just tell somebody that you love them, sleep with them, and then run away." Tears were streaming down Zach's face now. He sobbed and cried and finally broke down on my kitchen floor, sitting there hugging his legs and bawling his eyes out.
"I'm sorry, Zach," I repeated.
"You're sorry." He shouted. "Sorry doesn't give me my virginity back."
"Hey, if I remember correctly you're not the only one that lost his virginity last night!" I might have said that a little too loudly.
Zach stood back up and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Jordan Merkle, I'm through with your shit." And with that, he ran out the door, slamming it behind him.
"What's going on down here?" Shit. I looked up and saw my older sister, Aly, at the foot of the stairs. "What's with all the shouting? I'm surprised you haven't woken up mom and dad."
Aly stumbled down the stairs in her pink robe and saw the mess in the kitchen: egg splattered everywhere, the broken coffee cup and the boiling brown liquid all over the table and the floor. "It's like a tornado hit in here...What happened? Where's Zach?"
I took a deep breath. "Sis...sit down at the table. I have a story to tell you."
Aly was cool with the fact that I slept with Zach. I mean, she was a little less than cool when I started going into the gory details, but she was okay with me being gay. She said she has tons of gay friends at school, and it's kind of adorable that her little brother was, too. She offered to take me shopping for clothes with her. I told her I wasn't that gay. When I told her about Zach's episode, she sighed solemnly. "You shouldn't have slept with him if you didn't feel that way about him."
"But that's the thing: I'm not sure how I feel about him! I mean, he was such a great friend to me. We were buds. I liked that. I liked our little...escapades. But I don't think I could handle being in a relationship with him. I don't think I could handle being in a relationship with any guy. I just..." I was cut off by a giant sob. By this point, the waterworks had started. And I don't cry often. I didn't cry when I had broken my leg when sliding into home plate, or when I pitched the ball and sprained my shoulder, or even when Jessica left in a rage, and I knew it was over between us. But this decision, deciding whether or not I was attracted to men, was making me blubber like a baby.
Aly walked over and put her arm around me. I threw my head on the table and sobbed into my arms. Aly ran her fingertips up and down my back, just like Zach used to, and she ruffled my hair just like Jessica would. "Jordan, it's okay if you're gay. That's just who you are. There's nothing you can do to stop it."
"I'm just so confused," I sobbed. "I love Jessica, but when I'm with Zach, I just feel so...secure, you know?" I lifted my head up and wiped my tears.
"I do know, Jordan." She continued to rub my back. "You're 15. You're going through puberty. Your hormones are all over the place. You don't know what you like. You're young. It's normal for you to feel confused." She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a big hug. "Just know that whatever road you decide to travel down, I'll always love you. That'll never change."
I finally smiled. "Thanks, sis."
She kissed the top of my head. "No problem, little bro."
Aly let go of me and started to walk back upstairs. "Hey, sis?"
"Yeah, bro?"
"Don't tell mom and dad."
She smiled at me. "Of course not, kid."
I smiled back.