DISCLAIMER:
This story is a work of fiction and contains descriptions of explicit sexual acts of boy's discovering their sexuality. It contains graphic scenes of sex between an underage boy and adult males... If this type of content offends you or you are under the age of 18 do not read it.
Author's Note:
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Copyright 2009 Wolf, All rights reserved.
You may contact me at whitewold999@icqmail.com if you like. All flames will be ignored.
Ministers Confession
By
Wolf
I grew up in the deep-south in a Southern Baptist family. It was a natural thing that I grew up thinking that homosexuality was a sin, but it didn't stop me from having the usual "I'll show you mine if you show me your" times as a teen. It was expected that all good Christian young men would marry, have kids, a house with "white picket fence," all of which I did. At age 28, I had the calling to become a minister in the church, and then my struggle really began.
Without getting too carried away about the Southern Baptist Church, it is worth mentioning that the Baptist came out of England in the Seventeenth Century during the reformation. John Smyth called for adult baptism in keeping with the New Testament. By the eighteenth century, there came a rift in the United States, when the northern states voiced that everyone should be treated as one within the Church, and southern states maintained that God intended that the races to be separate. The Southern Baptist Church was founded in 1845. T this day there are two Southern Baptist Churches in the south, black and white. The separation may not be talked about much. It is convenient that the races cluster in communities that are separated, for the most part. It is unfortunate that if a black should join a white church, it does not take long for them to find they are not always welcome.
The intolerance of the gay community is only slightly less obvious. Their lifestyle condemns them to hell, but if they repent they can be forgiven. Of course, there would always be members of the congregation that would never forgive them. It is strange that I should accept the rhetoric enough to believe I should become a member of the clergy.
I was barely a teenager when a 14-year old friend introduced me to gay sex. He taught me to suck cock, and he even fucked my ass. At least until he reached the age of 16. That was when he got a car, and was able to pick up females, that were willing to have sex with him. I never told anyone, about those two years. I could never explain why I felt it was my calling to attend the seminary. I didn't understand my feelings for my fellow seminarians, or come to grips with my desires. I sought my first employment as a choir director. I said, it was expected of me to marry a respectable daughter of the church, and raise a family. I did everything that was expected of me, including three children.
On the surface I was living the ideal life. My wife and I got along. She accepted her roll of the dutiful wife and mother of a struggling minister. She didn't object to the fact that we were always living on the verge of financial disaster. Any discordance within the family was always over finances.
The first time I ever allowed myself to admit that I was sexually attracted to men, it came late in my life. I was over forty years old when a longtime friend from my seminary days moved to the city where I was attending a conference. We got in touch with each other, and agreed to meet. His family had not moved, they were still trying to sell the house, because the children had not finished school.
We had not seen each other for years, so I invited him to stay the night with me, so we could catch up, and he said that he'd need to go and get a change of clothes; I went with him. That was a Monday night. When we returned, we did talk for a long time, but finally decided we'd better get to bed.
I had secretly longed to have sex with him as far back as our seminary days, but had never admitted it to myself. He was hot, but I was so naïve that it had never occurred to me that he might want to have sex with me.
He told me that night that he had tried to come on to me, but I didn't respond, so he figured that I wasn't into gay sex. That was a shock to me that he felt the same way I did; little did, either of us know. It was not without trepidation that I invited him to stay the night, primarily so that we could still do some catching up about what we had been doing since the last time we hand gotten together.
I certainly did not think that there would be any sexual contact, although I surely was lusting after him. He did stay, and after we had exhausted any conversation, we had to admit we needed to get to bed.
The hotel had a queen-sized bed in my room, so we started to undress for bed. He stripped down to his briefs; I stripped down to my T-shirt and briefs. That is my normal sleeping attire. When he took off his T-shirt, I felt obligated to do the same. As I was doing so, he removed his briefs and then he wrapped his arms around me, and I said, "You'd better be careful; you may get more than you can handle."
He said, "I doubt that," and moved his hand to my crotch. At that point, I removed my briefs. Then, while continued to talk, we played around with each other's cock, while talking about what we had done with other guys, and what we wanted to do. He said, "I have never fucked a guy before."
I asked, "Would you like to fuck me?"
He was all for it, and so was I. I grabbed a bottle of hand lotion and coated his dick. I lay down on my belly, while he straddled me and fucked me from behind. I was surprised that it really didn't hurt all that much, and that he entered me rather easily, probably due to my playing with my asshole so much.
I had a strong desire to penetrate my ass from the time that teenager had fucked me. I sought out objects to stick into my ass. I was drawn to cucumbers and squash, because they resembled adult male cocks. I had continued masturbating with objects up my ass, even after marriage and children.
After he finished fucking me, he said, "I'm going to clean my dick, and then I'm coming back to suck you off." When he returned, he began to suck my dick, but I couldn't resist doing a 69 with him; I had never really done much cock sucking and really wanted to try it. We did suck each other for awhile. However, I still had an itch in my ass; I asked him if he would like to fuck me again. This time, I lay on my back, and he pushed my knees to my chest, and entered me again. It felt so good to have his dick up my ass again. At that point I knew that this was a turning point in my life. I knew that I would have to have sex with men even more.
Anyway, after he came in my ass a second time, he left his cock in my ass while he jerked me off. Normally, after I would cum, I couldn't continue having sex with anyone, but I didn't have a choice. He began to fuck me again. It took him longer, but he shot his load up my ass a third time. God!!!! How I did love it! The guy was a regular sex maniac! When he pulled his meat out, cum was dripping from my gapping asshole. We agreed that it was time we cleaned up.
We continued to chat about our past sexual activities. Again, I asked if he'd like to fuck me one more time, and he did. Wow!! I could not believe it. He had fucked me four times in one night! It was awesome! Exhaustion overtook both of us, and we cuddled up in each other's arms and drifted off to sleep.
When the morning sunlight started to turn the room from darkness to brightness, I asked him to fuck me, but he said, "I need to get ready for work." As a consolation he did jerk me off. I pleaded with him to return that evening, but he said, that he had a house-guest and would need to go home.
By Thursday, all I could think about was getting fucked again. I called my friend at his office, and asked if he could spend the night with me again, since I would be leaving around noon on Friday. He assured me he would explain to his house-guest, and would spend the night with me again. This time, we headed to bed almost immediately, stripping off our clothes quickly. He commented that I looked so hot in the briefs that I was wearing. They were Jockey low- rise, with no fly. It didn't take long for us to get "down to business." We talked as he began to fuck me, and before finally giving in to the realization that we did need to get some sleep, he had fucked me FIVE times, without ever pulling his dick out of my ass! I felt like I had died and gone to heaven.
That was in the years before AIDS came on the scene, so we always barebacked. I still don't like the use of condoms. I have been fortunate to have sex with two other guys. Neither of them had ever fucked a man before. I also, knew them quite well, and felt every safe in not using a condom. Of course, all of this activity conflicted with my religious upbringing, or my position as a Southern Baptist minister of music.
About a month later, I was due back for another conference. This one was to be a week-long one, and my friend invited me to stay with him. It was a thrilling week. During the days I attended meetings to receive religious instruction and at nights my friend was fucking me. He would deposit cum in my ass and then jerk me off, to be followed by another ass fucking. It was a glorious week!
I actually lived 200 miles away from where my friend was living, but I was able to arrange trips back for a visit several times, always under the guise of a business trip. Our relationship continued for about a year. He was eventually transferred to another state. I missed him terribly, if it had been possible at that time, I would have loved to become his partner. But we both had young children, and couldn't bring ourselves to forsake them. It was about six years before we got together again. By then, I had moved to the same city he had previously left. Now it was him that returned for conferences. It was somewhat like a role reversal. He called and asked if we could have dinner, and I said, "Yes!"
I called my wife and explained that my friend was in town for the evening; she knew him and his wife well.
We had dinner together, and I began to think that we weren't going to have sex, because he never brought up the subject during the meal. It did not come up until much later after dinner. Finally, he came out and asked if I could come up to his room for awhile. Whew! I was s relieved! Naturally I agreed to accompany him to his room. We did have sex, but he didn't fuck me, although he did try. For some reason, that I don't recall, he wasn't able to maintain an erection long enough to penetrate me. Another disappointing thing was, he put on a condom. That act assured me that he was fucking other men, so it was probably just as well that he did put on a condom.
Another gentleman I met years ago, happened to be a realtor, a financial advisor, church consultant, and has lots of money. It was after a long absence that he called during January 2000, to see how I was doing. He invited me to come visit him at one of his vacation condos, for a few days. He was doing some work in the city and he had a vacant condo that we could use for a retreat. I managed to arrange an excuse to get away for a few days.
We met at the appointed day and time at his condo. That was a great four days of sex! That was I was introduced to dildos and butt plugs. I had a hemmorhoidectomy and my asshole was extremely tight. I really wanted to try the butt plug, so one night I lay on my back, and he lubricated the plug and began to insert it up my ass. The pain was intense, but I was determined to accept it. It took a lot of effort on my part, and patience on his part, I had to take a deep breath and push as he pushed it into my ass. Whoa!!! Once it was in, it was not had, but I dreaded the thought of pulling it out again. While I was adjusting to the feeling of the plug in my ass he jerked me off. When I came all over myself and his hand, we agreed to shower together.
In the shower he pulled the plug out on my ass slowly. I felt like I was taking the biggest shit in the world as the warm water splashed all over my body. I did manage to accept that plug up my ass one more time that trip. He offered to let me take it home, but I was afraid that it would be found in my luggage at the airlines check-in, plus I didn't know how I could hide it at home. In addition, it was a 3" not easy to insert by myself. After that trip, I didn't see him again for 4 r 5 years.
That was about as long as the time we last sucked each other's cocks. We did go to an adult bookstore and buy a cock ring and a dildo. I spent the evening with him dildo fucking my ass, while I was reading a gay magazine. This was something new for me. (I truly had led a sheltered life.) We were only together that one night, and I have only heard from him once since then. He is in poor health now, and I am afraid to call him for fear of reaching his wife or son, and not knowing what to say to them. I fear that his health his really deteriorated and it is so sad. He was the guy I would have loved to "marry" and taught me so much about man to man sex, too many great memories.
As it happened he was not the only man in my life. In 1995 I attended another conference with a co-worker. W agreed to share a room for the weekend. Several times we had tossed around some sexual remarks on the way there. The first night was the beginning of a 5-year affair. He was particularly attractive to me because he had an erect cock 6.5" of southern un-cut meat. I did love skinning back the foreskin and licking the head cheese from under the skin before sucking him off. Just when I thought I was in love with him he moved away. While we were parting ways, I had another occasion to get together with another one of my seminarian friends.
It turned out he was a little reserved for my tastes. We only jacked-each-other-off a few times, and I sucked him off. He also lived in another state. All three of them say that I was the first man they ever had sex with. I doubt very seriously the first one was telling the truth. He was too horny not to have fucked a lot of guys.
The picture of a "Rockwell Existence was threatened when my wife discovered some E-mails I had exchanged with a guy. I had stupidly printed them out, because I was actually planning to take a trip with the guy, though we had never met, and still have not met. We still E-mail each other regularly. Our hope and dream is to actually find a way to be together to see if we are compatible. If he and I are compatible he will decide whether or not to leave his wife. When my wife confronted me, I tried to deny any truth to the messages, but I eventually had to admit the truth to her. After her emotional outburst she insisted that I seek professional counseling.
The process has been long and expensive. However, it's bee a good thing. The counselor is a former Southern Baptist minister; now he is a pastoral counselor for church staff members like me. He handles everything from alcohol abuse, marriage problems that range from physical abuse to infidelity, pedophilia, and gay issues.
He is married and has three kids too. He is also straight, but understanding about homosexual desires. He does not quote biblical references the church uses to condemn gays and other sexual perverts. Instead, he refutes those interpretations, and has recommended a large number of professional books that also refute those ideas.
The time we spend together has afforded me the chance to talk about my sexual orientation, as I have never been able to do before. I actually look forward to our sessions. After a year and a half, he is convinced that I am gay, and encourages me to seek a divorce, come out, and live the rest of my life as a gay man. He says, I will never be truly happy or find the love I long for. He says I'm a homosexual, and that is just who I am. He tells me that he only knew one guy that actually changed. Men and women are who they are. God made us, and it is his intent that we be happy.
My true regret is the pain I have inflicted and would continue to inflict on my wife and family. But my heartfelt desire is to find a male lover/life- partner, and live the remaining years of my live as a gay man.
I do believe in the ministry that I have enjoyed over the years, and strongly believe that I could serve in that capacity in a pro-gay congregation. There are several in my area. I also, believe that God made me as I am, and that he has used me in serving Him in ministry, and will continue to do so. I is also my strong desire that family and friends would understand, but that is not likely, I'm having, to accept that fact as part of coming out. It will be difficult, but my counselor and a few gay friends assure me that I will develop a "new family," and will be happy. We shall see!
If you enjoyed the story and have a story you want me to write about your introduction to the world of male sexuality, please send your outline to whitewold999@icqmail.com