More than Willing

*This story contains gay erotica in it, if you are averse to such things you shouldn't read further. If you are under the age of consent in your area you should leave this site. If you are not going to listen to me, I'm assuming no liability for your actions.

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This story is dedicated to a very dear friend of mine, Cody Sonntag. Cody Sonntag had a difficult life. A great deal of things were thrown at him and he dealt with them as best he could. Cody lost both of his parent, his twin brother and his lover in vehicle accidents. Cody was fighting against a cancerous brain tumor when a stroke took his life. Cody, you will be greatly missed, you've made an incredible impact on everyone who knew you, I'm glad I got the chance to know you, though I wish I could have known you better and been there for you more at the end. I love you Codes and I'll never forget you.

More Than Willing

by Mark (BostonBiGuy some1yuno@hotmail.com)

The light shining in from the windows onto my closed eyes sent a throbbing pain through my head. Finally the pain in my head started to subside and I opened my eyes. A quick glance around the room revealed not my apartment but a very different place. I moved to jump out of the bed and found an arm draped around my stomach and noticed for the first time the body that had been pressed so comfortably against mine.

It was then that I remembered where I was and what had happened at the office party the night before. I leaned back into Jon as I recollected the events that had brought me here. I had had way too much to drink at the party, both of us had last night. After the party he'd gone into his office to get his keys and he offered me a ride home, turns out we ended up in his home in bed together.

My mind drifted over the past three months that had lead up to last night. Three months ago I had started to work for Jon, I could still vividly remember the first time I saw him.

It was my first day working at the company he owned, I'd been hired by Carey, the Human Resources Manager, and had met very few of the employees. Carey was guiding me around the office introducing me to the people I'd be working with when he came in. Jonathan Derricks, the sun shining in the window seemed to pool around him wrapping his body in an aureole of warm light.

What an amazing body it was at that, his bronze complexion gave his skin a healthy glow, and the business suit he was wearing perfectly accentuated his incredible physique. Time slowed as I watched this figure - seemingly born out of a Greek myth - make his way down the hallway. The most dazzling thing about him was his face though, the cobalt depths of his eyes drew you in, while his perfect white smile made the room glow.

I watched intently, barely aware of the world around me outside of his presence. He smiled or waved to everyone in the office acknowledging them, stopping to speak briefly to a few of them. As he made his way towards where I was standing he took note of my presence, his eyes studying me from head to toe, and then back again.

That gaze made me feel vulnerable, his eyes pierced straight through me, direct into my heart and mind. I felt the whole word close in on me, while he was staring, my knees became weak and I had an overwhelming urge to turn away and run. Then he smiled and walked up to me.

That smile cut right through the fear I had felt before at being so completely exposed, warming me from the inside. Those eyes, which before had seemed cold as he looked into my very essence, now danced with a warm, inviting and slightly mischievous light. As he approached I became once again aware of my surroundings, jolting me suddenly back to reality.

He approached and reached out his hand to me. Gripping his hand made my knees weak yet again, this time with lust not fear. This close to him, his scent was obvious - such a clean masculine scent that was uniquely his. He was wearing no cologne that I could smell, but then he didn't need it, if they could bottle that scent it'd sell by the millions. I had to struggle to keep from being totally overwhelmed by his presence. When he spoke to me I almost lost control over myself.

"Hi, you must be the new staff member." The deep baritone purr of his voice yet again made me weak in the knees. If he only knew what he was doing to me. He had a noticeable accent. Although I couldn't place where he was from the very way he spoke turned me on.

It took me a moment to find my voice and speak "Yes, I'm Sam...Sam Allan."

"Welcome aboard Sam, it's good to have you on the team here." He didn't seem to notice my hesitation, or perhaps my hesitation was only in my mind. Whatever the case was, I was glad not to have lost face in front of him, the man of my dreams.

He continued on to his office stopping briefly to speak with his secretary to pick up his messages before going in and closing the door. With him out of view the world finally drifted back into normal focus and my heart began to beat again. This job would definitely be interesting with a boss like that to look at.

It was plain to see that staff respected him, and I could see why. He had such an easy way with people, such charisma. Not to mention that he had a smile and a body that could cause instant panty meltdown in women and set men's briefs on fire.

Thinking about the tantalizing view I'd be receiving every day, but only being able to look and not touch began to make this job start to seem more like torture, but I'd stay here as long as I could. He was like the sun, and having seen it I'd rather suffer the burn than to be without the light.

The day afforded me several views of him; that smile that could melt ice and those eyes that twinkled like the stars at night. I had to admit that after only one day I was totally infatuated with him - I would have willingly done anything he asked me to do for him, anything at all.

Travelling home on the subway all I could think of was him. I imagined him, his eyes alight, smiling at me like a lover. I longed to be able to get closer to him, even if I couldn't have him I'd want to be able to just work closely with him. But I was just an office assistant, there to help out the other staff, our conversation today would probably be the longest conversation we'd have while I worked there.

Once I arrived home I took out the leftover Cantonese from the night before and stuck it in the microwave. Grabbing a beer out of the fridge and my now warmed dinner from the microwave, I went into the living room, divested myself of clothing, sat down in the chair and turned on the TV. That night as I watched guys, who before now I had considered to be highly attractive, I found myself comparing each of them to my new model of perfection - Jon.

None of them even came close to rivaling him. Finally trying to take my mind off him I put in a porn tape, one of the cheap trashy ones - those are the best anyway. Watching those men cavort on my TV made me aroused but my mind thought not of them but of Jon. My cock inflated, engorged with blood as my mind focused on Jon. I saw his eyes, his smile, I could smell his scent.

I imagined his arms wrapped around me, pressing my body into his. He was kissing along my neck, I could feel his hardon pressed against my ass, the heat emanating from his body into mine. I imagined it was his hand, not mine wrapped around my cock - that strong capable hand that I had grasped earlier that day. The slow rhythm of my hand stroking my cock and the feel of his body lying against mine, even if only in my head brought me close.

As each stroke brought me closer to the edge, my mind returned to his eyes. He was looking at me with such a feeling of love, then he smiled that special smile of his and I was over the edge, my cock began shooting rapidly launching my cum all over my body, splashing my chest and stomach and running down my hand.

I heaved a sigh, breathing deeply as the world around me came back into focus and my heart calmed down from my excitement and exertion. I reached for the pair of boxers that I had thrown to the floor earlier. After wiping myself off with the boxers I reached over to the remote turned off the TV and went to bed.

"Sam I need you to come into my office and sign some papers for me. Just some basic paperwork about your employment." Jon said to me as he came to my desk.

The thought of being alone with him in his office had me very excited, I could hardly walk as I stood up to go follow him. He stopped at the door to allow me to walk through first then followed behind me and shut the door. His eyes once again appraised me, but this time there was something different, it wasn't like before, there was a different look in his eye.

I finally found my voice and said, "You had some papers I need to sign?"

He smiled at me, once again filling me with desire, but when he spoke there was something different, his voice had the tremble of raw passionate hunger. "Actually I just said that because I wanted to get you alone in here with me."

He walked towards me, his eyes never wavering from mine. I was paralyzed by that look, held fixed by his smile. He came close to me, so close I could once again smell his incredible smell, almost enough to make me shut my eyes and luxuriate in the scent of his proximity. But that wasn't what he had planned.

When he finally reached me, he leaned into me, wrapping me in his arms and kissed me. I was shocked at first, but rapidly accepted the embrace and returned his kiss. The taste of his mouth was exquisite as his tongue invaded my mouth and I in turn invaded his. A sexual game of tag between us as our bodies strove to press so close together that we would become one. My hands reached down to cup his firm ass...

The buzzing of my alarm shattered my dream forcing me back to the real world. Hitting the snooze button on my alarm I rolled over and let my mind drift back into darkness for a few minutes longer. My alarm going off again forced me to pry my eyes open this time to my dimly lit surroundings.

I crawled out of bed and stumbled around the room and into the bathroom to stand in front of the toilet bowl. Letting the piss flow out of me as my morning hardon shrunk. Thinking about last night and my fantasy of Jon got an instant lift; however, I didn't have time for that this morning.

I cut on the shower and stepped in quickly before the water had a chance to warm up. The icy blast immediately shrunk my cock back down and cooled my morning horniness. As the water warmed I began to wash myself, luxuriating in the feel of the hot water caressing my body.

I stepped out of the shower, drying off, then dressing quickly. I walked into the kitchen, fixed a quick cup of coffee and downed it in a few gulps then was out the door to head into work. The morning was cloudy and the sun's light was obscured and turned to a drab gray. I headed towards the entrance to the subway tunnel.

I hated travelling on the morning subway, it was always so crowded, people packed in together, and the lighting was poor as well, so dull and drab it often depressed me - no one ever considered the subway to be one of New York City's greatest attractions. Today, however, was different, as had been the case since yesterday morning my mind returned to Jon. In my mind I became lost in his eyes once again and before I knew it, my stop had come up. Walking up from the subway exit my eyes were assaulted by the blinding light of the sun having come out from behind the clouds

I entered the office and went straight to my desk. Picking up the pile of work that was sitting in my inbox I sat down and went to work. I'd been working for maybe half an hour when Jon's secretary Stephanie came up to my desk. "Jon would like to speak to you for a few minutes."

Seeing the startled look on my face she was quick to reassure me. "It's just an informal talk he has with all new employees, he likes to get to know all of the new people a little better before he starts to work with them. You can go right on into his office." Giving me a brief smile, she turned around and went off to take care of some other task.

As I walked into his office my heart began to pound in anticipation, being alone with him in his office. My dream from that morning returned, I'd never shown any major prescience of the future, but I could hope that my dream was about to come true. When I reached his door, I saw him on the phone. I turned to go back to my desk until he finished his call but he waved me in and gestured for me to have a seat.

I sat down, fidgeting a bit, uncomfortable at being in the room with him while he was on the phone, but he soon finished up his call. "Hi Sam, thanks for coming in." His rich voice overwhelming me and increasing my longing for him. "I just like to be able to talk to each of my employees, get to know them a little better. As you may have noticed we're a friendly group for the most part and knowing each other helps us get along better."

I could have sat there listening to him talk all day, that deep voice washed over me like the waves of an ocean. Listening to him talk made me feel more relaxed than I had in days, but he wasn't interested in doing all the talking, it only took a minute before he forced me to join the conversation.

"So Sam, where are you from originally?"

"I'm originally from Cincinnati, Ohio, but I moved here to attend school at NYU. After I finished school I stayed here, New York was more interesting to me than returning home."

"Many people do come here for studies and a lot of those stay. I'm from Andover, Massachusetts, attended school at Harvard in Cambridge. I was offered a job here in Manhattan so I moved here. I was here for a few years working for others when I decided to open up my own consulting firm and go into business for myself."

Not the usual question and answer I had expected but truly a chance for him to get to know me a little better and for me to find out a little more about him. We talked about various things for another 15 minutes and then he had another call interrupt him. Since he had to take this call, he thanked me for my time and let me get back to work.

While not the meeting of my fantasies it was certainly more than I had expected. I enjoyed sitting in that room that smells so strongly of him, listening to his deep voice talking to me, being able to look into his eyes and not feel self-conscious, and the occasional flash of that bright smile when I said something humorous.

Like I said, I was completely infatuated with this man, my boss Jon Derricks - a man that was probably way beyond my reach. That day I saw him only once more as he left the office for a meeting, but the site of him passing was enough to set my heart beating rapidly once again.

The day passed slowly, I could hardly keep my mind on my work and away from Jon. Finally the day ended and I left to go home. That night was pretty much a repeat of the night before, and equally as uneventful.

Once again my dreams were filled with Jon, just being near me, being close to me. I woke up once in the middle of the night expecting to find him next to me, but he wasn't. For a few minutes this upset me, thinking he'd left me, before I realized I had been dreaming. "It was only a dream..." a sigh "Unfortunately just a dream." Then I drifted back to sleep.

The next day provided me with the chance to be around him much more. Stephanie had to stay home with her daughter who had the flu and Jon asked me if I could fill in for her a bit, answer the phones, etc., since I was the hired office help. Given the opportunity to be closer to him I readily agreed.

By the end of the day I felt much more comfortable around him, and wanted him even worse than I had before. He was a genuinely nice guy to work with. Being around him all day, hearing his voice, seeing the flash of that smile, inhaling his scent with every breath, and only occasionally being separated from him by any great distance kept me so horny I had to struggle not to get hard.

At the end of the day he came up to me, "Sam thanks for filling in for Stephanie, she should be back on Monday. You did a great job today. I'm going to head out for the weekend, just please leave Stephanie a note about where you placed everything and then you're free to head home for the weekend, she'll have my head if I don't have you do that." He smiled at the little joke, and I laughed slightly just because he was laughing.

He left for the day right after that, and I finished up the work, leaving Stephanie a note and then packing up my things to go home. Being able to spend the day that close to him had partially satiated my hunger for him, but knowing that I'd be going back to my desk on Monday and farther away from him, was like an ache inside. Today I'd gotten so close to him, and now I'd be going back to my small corner of the office space.

It wasn't truly small but without him there it seemed to be more like a dark small dungeon than an office to me. He had become the sunshine in my life, bringing radiance to my world, without him my world became dark.

My weekend passed uneventfully, nothing happened but my usual dreams and fantasies involving Jon. Saturday night I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself, hopeful that I might see something, anything at all that would interest a guy like him. I wasn't impressed with what I saw.

Starting at the top - plain brown hair, nothing special, not remarkable in the least. My skin was pale, perhaps I should get a bit more sun - I never did get outside that much. Green eyes, nice looking I suppose but nothing that could compare with the deep blue depths of his. My lips were very thin, and my jawbone wasn't nearly pronounced enough. My body was too wiry. It's not that I'm overly thin, just that I don't have as much muscle as I'd like. Also I was very smooth naturally, some small tufts of hair under my armpits, a slight dusting along my chest and abs and a bit leading down from my naval to my pubes. My final complaint, I was just too short, at 5'10" he soared over me at a height of about 6'4".

Looking at myself in the mirror I began to imagine him standing behind me, wrapping his strong arms around me and hugging me to his chest. The thought of him pressed so close to my body had me immediately aroused. I could feel the strong muscles of his arms wrapped tightly around me. His scent surrounded me, exciting me further.

I imagined him turning me around to face him, stroking my cock and his together in his broad and strong but gentle hands. He leaned in to kiss me, his tongue slipping into my mouth as I sucked hungrily at the invader as if it were a straw I could inhale his entire body through. Our bodies ground together as out tongues chased each other. His flesh pressed so close to mine, the scent of his body filling my nostrils and the taste of his tongue in my mouth set me over the edge - I was cumming. The feeling of orgasm brought me out of my fantasy and back to reality.

His hold over me was complete, he even dominated my fantasies. What I wouldn't do to have a man like him - no, not someone like him, it wasn't possible for there to be two men that perfect, only him. I sighed heavily knowing that such perfection was forever beyond my reach.

Even as hopeless as I felt, I knew I wouldn't give up. My mind ran around in circles thinking of ways to make him notice me. Maybe if he noticed me a bit more we could become closer, if not lovers at least friends. Although in my desire to get closer to him, my mind never touched on the torture that would be mine if I were to become closer to him.

The next day I decided to change something about my appearance, my hair. I chose to bleach it and dye it blonde. I know that it was only a minor surface change, but I had to do something, change something to make him notice me. I'd been told by several people before now, that a golden blonde color would look good on me, I hoped they were right.

After the lengthy period spent getting it bleached with peroxide and then sitting once again to let the dye alter the color, I could finally review the results. Where my plain brown hair had made my face seem thin, the blonde made it look a little more full, and my eyes seemed to sparkle - the nondescript green now seemed to be a bright shining emerald. Now if only he'll take notice.

At work the next day I received a reward for the change I had made for him. I happened to be up to get coffee - ok it wasn't really an accident. I knew about what time he'd be coming in - he was a creature of habit when it came to work, unless he had an appointment he'd be in at the same time every day. From looking at his schedule on Friday I knew he didn't have an appointment this morning to change his time, so I timed my coffee break with his entrance.

My timing was impeccable, just as I was walking down the corridor he passed through. When he saw me he stopped and looked then smiled at me, "Nice hair, it looks good on you."

His complement had me glowing on the inside, but to remain cool I said, "Wait...what? Oh my god I'm blonde!" My joke brought a slight chuckle from him, that laugh was contagious, warming me all over. Just being near him made me feel whole, but that he had noticed me, that I'd made him laugh - my heart was beating faster than if I'd run a marathon.

He walked on and went to his office, I treasured the thought of his laugh and his smile - the smile that I had given him. His was a smile that lit up the room and the shadows of my soul shining straight through to the places where I hid. The day passed and I was blessed with the opportunity to run into him again.

He was talking with another employee, Jim as I walked up. He caught site of me out of the corner of his eye and immediately switched topics to a blonde joke as I came closer towards them.

"Say did you hear about the blonde guy in Atlantic City, goes up to a machine puts in a few coins, and out pops a Coke. He puts some more coins into the machine, and another can of soda pops out. So, he keeps putting in coins, and cans of soda keep coming out. A guy walks up behind him and says, 'Can I please use the machine?' 'Fuck off!' he says. 'Can't you see I'm winning?'"

I smiled as I was walking up, "Ha, ha, ha, make fun of the blonde guy, go ahead, you'll do it anyway."

"Nah, it's not my style, it's just too easy." He laughed, that laugh ringing through me yet again, and I laughed with him. I could hardly believe the success created just by changing my hair, how he noticed me and laughed with me over a few small jokes. I didn't see the fact that he was very personable, it never occurred to me that I didn't have to make the change for him to notice me, but having done it, I felt that it made a difference.

The rest of the week passed in a similar manner, I'd run into him occasionally - usually by design - and we'd joke for a minute. Running into him during the day is what brought light into my life. A brief smile or word from him, a nod in my direction or even just him passing by made my heart start pounding heavily. Each night would find me at home, dreaming about him.

Such were the days of my life, my world now revolved around him. He was like the sun, he brought light into my life, he warmed my heart and soul, but he was equally far out of my reach and beyond my ability to touch. I was lust-bound by him - I couldn't admit it to myself that it might be anything more than lust, love was beyond what my mind would allow.

By comparison what I felt for Jon was so much more than anything I'd ever felt for the others in my past. My first time having sex was at the age of 17 with a woman - a woman I had no feelings for and sex that I didn't enjoy. I had been trying to convince myself that I was straight, that I could do this, but it didn't feel right.

It was then that I had to finally face my true feelings, I had to come to terms with the fact that I liked men and not women - I was gay. Coming to terms with my feelings didn't help me much though, on the outside I had to be someone who I knew I wasn't on the inside. It was a struggle for me.

I wasn't ready to deal with my family about it - I couldn't countenance the thought of having to tell them. The one thing I could do was make plans to go to school somewhere that gave me the freedom to be who I was. So I went to NYU, being in New York, I knew that being gay was a more accepted way of life than in the mid-west where it was looked on as a disease. A disease that could and should be cured by frequent visits to church.

I made my plans and when the time came I moved away to New York. I immediately joined up with an LGBA (Lesbian Gay, Bisexual Association) on campus and began the difficult and often painful process of coming out. Among the first steps was telling my roommate, living in a dorm forced me to remain close to him, and I felt that if I wanted to be open, he had to be among the first to know.

He took it better than I had feared, he seemed to be genuinely ok about it. After several months I finally took another big step, going to a gay club. One of my friends I had met up with at the LGBA, Jason, went with me. Jason was a sophomore and had been through this process already, he was willing to help me through this troubled time, for which I was very grateful. After the first few trips there with him I became a bit more comfortable going there, and even began to visit there on a regular basis with or without him.

It was on one of these visits that I had my second sexual experience. His name was David, he walked up to where I was sitting and asked if he could sit down. He was definitely cute, I don't know what he saw in me that attracted him, but I had become comfortable enough to take this next step. We spent a good portion of the evening talking, then he asked me to dance with him.

His conversation and the companionship had been very welcome so I accepted his invitation. I enjoyed dancing with him. At first the music was fast, some kind of techno dance music, but then it changed to slow things down a bit and let people get close to each other. He moved to put his arm around me for a slow dance, but I briefly panicked and pulled away.

He was genuinely concerned about me and asked "If you'd like we can sit this one out and have some more to drink."

His concern touched me and washed away my doubts. I reached out to take his hand and put his arm around me as I put my arms around him. Pressing myself against his chest as we danced to the music was one of the most wonderful feelings of my life - I was more content than I had been at any other point in my life. That dance ended all too soon for me, but as the song ended he leaned over and kissed me. David was someone I really liked and he seemed to like me.

We chatted the rest of the night away until the club closed, we traded numbers and went our separate ways. He called me the next night, which made me incredibly happy - had he not made the first move again I doubt I would have. We talked for over two hours that night and we agreed to meet again for dinner the next night.

David became my first boyfriend, he was caring and sensitive, he was intelligent cute and fun. It was after our fifth date - which was two weeks after we met - that our relationship moved to the next level. It was after dinner that we returned to his apartment, this was the first time I had been to his apartment.

We talked for a while, then he stretched out on the couch and asked me if I'd like to join him - I did. I lay down in front of him on the couch facing him and we kissed. Our kisses had changed along with the nature of our relationship. We were much closer now, and our kisses had increased in passion, but they still held a great deal of tenderness. It was starting to get kinda late, and as I got up to leave he surprised me with an offer I hadn't expected at all.

"You don't have to go, you're welcome to stay here if you like." I paused, and there was a look in his eyes - that same look of caring I had seen that first night at the dance floor when he thought he'd gone too far there.

"I don't know if I'm ready for a sexual relationship, I'm still just learning who I am."

As usual he was sensitive to my concerns, "We won't do anything you're not ready for. It was just an offer to stay here, no strings attached, I'd just like to have you here with me tonight and hold you in my arms."

His offer was persuasive, but I still wasn't quite sure about it, when I hesitated again he once again soothed my worries. "We can stay here on the couch if you like, just like we were, I want you to be comfortable with this. If you're not comfortable with that I'll understand, but I wanted to make you the offer."

Well I lay back down on the couch and slipped back into his arms. We never did anything more than kiss that night, but I spent a very comfortable night with my head pillowed on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. The next morning I was confronted by roommate.

"Did Sammy get lucky with David last night?" He cracked me up, and he dealt with my sexuality so well, he was truly a great friend to me.

"Yes, I got very lucky, I had sex with five guys last night, and I know one of them who has a crush on you." That should teach the little smart-ass.

"Hey man don't be gross now."

"Serves you right for being nosy."

"No but seriously did you and David have a good time?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact we did. He invited me back to his place and we ended up sleeping on the couch together."

"Wow the couch. Must have been hot if you didn't even make it to the bed."

"If you must know there was no sex involved, we just slept together on the couch."

"Sure there was no sex involved." He winked at me and laughed, I knew he was just joking with me, the playful banter is what helped our friendship go so smoothly.

It was another week and a half before David and I ever had sex for the first time. This second time was so amazingly different from that first time. With David, everything felt right. That night when he took me by the hand he led me into the bedroom, I realized how natural this was - at that point there was no denying that I was gay, and the last of my barriers against self-acceptance fell down.

When David took me into his arms and kissed me that night the world stood still for me and everything fell into place. There was no hesitation on my part or his as we undressed each other. He kissed and licked at my ears and neck, something I'd never even considered before now - foreplay. His hands caressed my chest and toyed with my nipples. We had stripped each other down to just our boxers when he picked me up, almost effortlessly and put me on his bed.

He began to tease my erection that was straining against my boxers. His hands causing sensations I'd never even imagined, that's how different the touch of another man was. I was totally unprepared for what he did next. He leaned his head closer to my crotch, his nostrils flaring briefly as he inhaled my scent, then began licking my cock through my boxers.

The sensations he was causing within me were overwhelming, but they didn't compare to the feeling when he slipped my boxers down off my body and sucked one of my testicles into his mouth. It took everything I had to hold back from cumming - my body jumped and writhed assaulted with sensations of pleasure unlike any other as a long moan escaped my mouth.

Then he took my throbbing erection into his mouth, just the head at first and begun to suck and lick all over. My ass muscles repeatedly clenched an unclenched as I felt his tongue skillfully dart along all the sensitive areas. He was driving me crazy and I knew there was no way I could last much longer.

I warned him, "I'm getting close," but that just made him suck harder as he began driving his mouth down around my cock swallowing it into his throat. He never managed to get the entire length into his mouth, by the time he'd gotten three-fourths of it in his mouth I was already nearing climax. Suddenly my nuts drew up towards my body and my cock began to jerk in his mouth as I began to shoot my cream down his throat.

When I began to shoot he pulled back so that only the head of it was in his mouth, catching my cum on his tongue. After the orgasm had subsided he stood up - which is when I noticed he'd removed his boxers and had been stroking his erection while he was sucking me - then he kissed me. As I opened my mouth to his I found not his tongue passing through, but my own cum.

The taste of his mouth and my cum drove me wild, it was one of the hottest things I'd experienced up to that point. We finally broke off the kiss and I wanted him, I wanted to taste his body. I rolled us over so that he was now on the bottom and I began to kiss and nuzzle my way down his body. Licking him all over, tasting the slightly salty flavor of his sweat and his skin. I ran my tongue down his entire body until I reached his erection throbbing from the incredible excitement and passion between us earlier.

I tried to copy his technique from earlier, but my inexperienced tongue couldn't handle the rapid flicking motion, so I instead settled for a slower lick, though there appeared to be no complaints from him. His expressions demonstrated an enjoyment, which the moans coming from him corroborated.

I was unable to swallow very much of his cock, although it wasn't very long it was very thick. I didn't have the experience in relaxing my jaw and mouth to accommodate him, although by the end of our relationship I'd be able to take him easily. It didn't take him long before he got close and he warned me, "I'm getting close. If you're not sure you can finish me off by hand."

I was way too excited by that point to stop, the taste of his rod had me incredibly hot and the salty taste of the precum as it drained from his cock only made me want him more. I sucked even harder than I had before, trying to inhale him from the inside.

It was only a few minutes before his body tensed and he screamed in pleasure as he writhed up under me. I swallowed his cream after savoring the flavor for a long time. Then I went up to him and kissed him.

That night I told David I loved him, and in a way I truly did. David managed to make me comfortable with myself and with others, he'd given me a confidence that I'd lacked before. With David's help I finally came out to my parents, they didn't like it at first, but they did finally accept it, David returned with me to meet my parents over spring intermission. Our relationship finally ended when David moved on to another job in another area. His company had decided to relocate him and we ended on good terms, we still write to each other occasionally though and have remained friends.

However, in looking back that week and comparing David to Jon I knew that what I felt for Jon was much more intense than anything I'd felt for David. However, I was unable to admit that I loved Jon, where David built me up over our relationship of two and a half years, Carter damaged me and took that away from me.

Carter was my second love, but unlike David, Carter didn't love me in the same way I loved him. Carter was an alcoholic, he was great before I moved in with him, but once I moved in I started to see a different side of him. He verbally abused me and took advantage of me. I loved him and he hurt me in return.

Blinded by love I was unable to see that he was the one with the problem, not me. Every day I tried to be better so he would love me in return. I saw the whole thing as my fault. When he started to abuse me verbally I told myself I needed to do better, if I did better he would stop - but he never did.

After only a few months together Carter started to wander, he wasn't as interested in me as he was before. I simply wasn't enough to satiate his animalistic needs so he went out to cruise the bars to find someone. I chose to try to compensate, giving myself to him whenever he had the urge, if only I could have been more interesting during sex or we'd had sex more frequently he wouldn't need to seek out others.

It took me a very long time to realize that it wasn't my fault, he was the one with the problem, but Carter had shaken the steady foundation that I had built my confidence on. I'd loved him and he'd betrayed me and I now feared love for what it could do to me. I feared admitting that I was in love with Jon, because I knew I couldn't have him and the thought that he would never love me scared me. The intensity of my feelings for Jon were so much more than they had been for David or Carter, and I knew that I would be willing to do anything for him, which scared me the most.

Scared as I was by loving Jon, I did anyway. My world continued to revolve around him, but there was no resolution to my predicament in sight. It was in my fourth week of working there that fate threw me a major twist in my routine. Remember the old saying of be careful what you wish for because you might get it? Well I can tell you first-hand that it's true.

It was on a Wednesday that week when Jon called me into his office for a brief conference. Stephanie, who was 7 months pregnant, was having complications related to the pregnancy and would have to be staying away from work for probably the next three and half months. Since I had done so well filling in for her before, and I assisted with the duties that she had for the office I was the logical choice to fill in for her.

I was excited to think that for three and a half months I'd be working so close to Jon, that every day of the workweek I'd be near him. Spending time alone with him being able to breath in his scent all day, every day as we worked, watching his toned and tanned body as he went about his daily business, this was heaven to me. At the same time it would also be hell, being so close yet the whole time he'd still be as distant as the stars in the sky.

I accepted the change in my position and duties. Why? That's the nature of love, you accept the pain along with the benefits. You go through incredible torture for a brief period of pleasure and you remember the pleasure not the pain. That's love, the unconditional love like that of a mother going through hours of intense pain spent in labor, years later only remembering the feeling of holding their newborn child in their arms for the first time. Whether I admitted it or not, I was very much in love with Jon and that made the small amount of pleasure worth all the torture in the world.

Starting next week I would begin a new cycle of pleasure and pain. For the rest of that week I was very occupied as Stephanie taught me all the information I'd need to know to fill in for her and take over the duties that she performed both for Jon and the office in general. On Monday I began my new task working on my own, without Stephanie's supervision.

I had envied Stephanie before for her proximity to Jon, now that I was in her position that had changed. Her level of responsibility was huge, just how much she did for Jon in the company overwhelmed me at first. If it hadn't been for Jon's encouragement and praise I don't know if I'd have made it through the first few days. However, our friendly if casual relationship continued and evolved as well as we got to know each other.

The playful banter of break times became almost constant, and I enjoyed every minute of it. However, I think one of the time's when I was most content was when he was dictating a letter to me. I could sit there listening to his voice for hours on end. I was completely enthralled listening to him, my hands typing of their own volition while my mind absorbed the sound of his voice and his smell that permeated his office.

My eyes freely wandered over his entire body every chance they had. Perhaps I was a bit too obvious about it, after all I had no idea how he felt about gays. I was out of the closet to an extent, if anyone asked me I was generally very honest about it, and I did go to gay bars. Well I went to the bars a lot more before meeting Jon, after meeting him cruising the bars didn't seem too appealing. What was the point in trying to meet guys only to turn them down because they fall short when compared with the perfection that I saw every day.

However, it was my desire for Jon that almost made me desperate for casual sex. Being around Jon all day made me twice as horny as I usually am and the temptation to go into a bar and just find someone to sleep with once and then never talk to again was almost overwhelming. I knew that wouldn't satisfy me though, casual sex was something I'd never had much interest in, or enjoyment of, it was fun but it lacked the feeling of a relationship - there had been other relationships, but I mainly focused on the two that had the greatest impact on me.

A relationship with anyone other than Jon wasn't appealing at the current time. I knew I'd eventually have to move on. I knew that if I couldn't have him I'd eventually find someone else, but at this time it felt like I was unable to give myself to another person when it felt like my entire being now existed for Jon.

At the end of that first week of working directly for him Jon decided to thank me for my help, I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted on taking me to lunch. I was truthful when I said that it wasn't necessary, but I'd be lying if I said the thought of spending an hour with him outside of the office didn't have me glowing inside.

Lunch with him was fantastic. Outside of the office I saw a side of him that I hadn't seen before now. He became much more relaxed in attitude, in the office he was relaxed, but it was different. In the office he always had such a sense of purpose, but outside of the office he was laid back and didn't seem to have a care in the world.

I wish I could say that I remembered every word he spoke to me that afternoon, but I honestly couldn't tell you a thing we had discussed. I was too busy getting lost in his eyes and the deep sea of his voice surrounding me. I was happily drowning in that sea when reality threw me a lifeline and our waiter returned with the check. Unfortunately it was time for us to be heading back to the office.

That short period where I was privileged to see the man underneath all the glamour that surrounded him at the office. Those external projections that came from within him whenever he was at work, that charisma that made his business transactions flow so smoothly. It was also then that I truly realized that I was in love with him, and accepted that fact.

I loved him, I loved everything about him, not just the image that he projected but the person he was underneath all that. I was still afraid of being hurt, and having accepted the fact that I loved him I knew I was in for a major heartbreak eventually. He had become the center of my universe and there was no turning back.

I probably couldn't have chosen a worse person to fall in love with. He was a great guy, almost too great, but there was no way he could love me. I'd been watching him for over a month now and I'd seen no indication that he might feel the same way about me as I felt about him. He most likely wasn't even interested in men and I was wasting my time pining for him.

I received corroboration of my fears on the following Thursday. Jon had an unscheduled lunch date. She just walked into the office. Several of the office staff seemed to recognize her. Jon's door was slightly ajar so she opened it knocking lightly on it as she entered.

She was a tall crimson haired woman; her body was perfect. Her skin was a creamy color with a flush of life. The compact business suit she wore fit her perfectly, designed to make her an imposing figure, but leaving her free to show off her legs, which were strong, yet feminine. In a word, she was stunning.

As she entered his office she pulled the door shut behind her. She was every bit as confident as Jon was and it left me with no doubt that this was the woman in his life. I was crushed on the inside, but a part of me realized that Jon deserved someone no less perfect than him.

After a few minutes alone in his office they left for lunch. He returned almost two hours later, smiling and whistling. I'd never seen him that happy entering work - normally he was cheerful, but today he absolutely glowed as he returned. I'd also never seen him spend that much time on an unscheduled lunch, confirming my belief that she must be very special to him.

He went into his office pulling the door all the way shut behind him and I let out a deep sigh, this was the first time I came so close to breaking down into tears at work. I loved him so much that part of me was happy to see him so happy, but the rest of me wanted to cry because I wasn't the source of his happiness. I rebuked myself for falling in love with Jon - as if I had a choice in the matter. Why did I pick someone so far out of my reach?

That weekend I went out to the bars and got totally hammered. I was too drunk to walk or take the subway and had to call a cab. I know alcohol isn't a solution, but right then it was the only cure I knew of for a broken heart.

The next week at work things returned to normal on the outside. Jon was as nice as he'd always been and our playful banter continued, but on the inside I was grieving. The mystery woman never showed up again that week, perhaps their relationship tended to stay outside of their business lives. I never asked any of the staff about her; it hurt too much to think about it. To be honest I didn't want them to confirm what I already knew, at least this way I could continue to hold out a small shred of hope.

Two weeks later, Jon came down with the flu. He was 30 minutes late getting into work that Monday, and I was beginning to get worried - he was never this late. When he called in I was relieved to here his voice, the thought of losing his friendship was even worse than that of losing his love - not that I ever had it.

"Sam, I've got the flu today and won't be making it into the office today, but I need the Callom contracts and I have to get them signed today. I'll need you to bring them by my home, my address is in your employee listing and you can take a cab at company expense."

I located the requested contracts and looked up his address in the company database, but before calling a cab I went around the corner to the delicatessen there. They carried hot soup that they made fresh there, and I thought that Jon might appreciate some, due to his illness. I picked up a large container of chicken noodle soup - he may want something later and this will keep him from having to cook. I may have just been fooling myself though, most likely he had his mystery woman there to take care of him, but that hurt to think about.

I caught a cab and headed out to his apartment. Since he was a very successful businessman, his apartment was in a very nice area of Manhattan. He had warned the doorman that I'd be coming and I was let in without any problems and directed to the fifth floor.

I arrived at the fifth floor to find only one door there; he had the entire floor to himself. I knocked on his door and it took him several minutes to answer. When he opened the door my heart jumped and my mind tried to race in two different directions. He was dressed in a white terrycloth robe tied loosely around his waist, which gave me a clear of view of his chest and his legs, but while his body showed great strength his face showed great weakness. I could see he was very sick, his eyes lacked their usual sparkle and he seemed wearier than I'd ever seen him.

He smiled to see me, but only slightly, and invited me in. His apartment was furnished with equal extravagance and restraint. The decorations were expensive, but they all fit well together into a mixture of utility and comfort with an atmosphere of home. He took the contracts from me and set them down on the coffee table and I told him of the soup I had gotten for him.

He smiled "Thank you, if you could set it on the counter in the kitchen, I'll heat it up later when I get the energy to go fix it. It's right through there," he said pointing down the hallway.

"I can heat it up for you and bring you a bowl if you'd like." I didn't want to seem pushy. I wanted any excuse to stay here with him for a little longer, but this would be the closest I could come to showing him that I cared for him. Not that my sentiment would be returned, but I didn't care about that at that moment.

I had to search around the cabinets for a while to find a pot to heat the soup and a bowl and get everything ready. By the time I returned to the living room he had stretched out on the couch and fallen asleep. His robe had fallen open and I was stunned by the beauty of his almost nude form.

Beneath his robe all he was wearing was a pair of gray knit jockey shorts. I wanted to run my tongue all over his perfectly tanned body. He was in amazing physical condition. I scanned my eyes over his hefty pectoral muscles, covered with a light mat of chest hair and his perfect brown nipples. Going lower, down to his toned abs, which were lined with slender trails of the same hair as on his chest, cutting down between his six-pack - almost an eight-pack really - down his nipples and disappearing beneath the waist band of his shorts. Those tight shorts made my body flush with heat.

I could see clearly the outline of his cock and balls, and I wanted nothing more than to rip those off and wrap my mouth around his manhood. But I tore my gaze away and continued downwards, those tight shorts also showed off his firm muscular thighs. My eyes continued their feast going down further to his calves, they were strong, firm, perfect like the rest of him. I was tempted to just touch him, any part of his exposed flesh. I couldn't though, one touch wouldn't be enough, and the thought of rejection should he catch me would kill me.

I set the forgotten tray down on the coffee table and moved to go pick up the contracts and leave. As I picked up the contracts though he stirred and sat up, he didn't bother to pull the robe back around him and I stared hungrily watching the muscles flex as he moved.

He picked up the bowl and sniffed at it for a second before taking a bite, "Thank you. I really appreciate this. Having someone to take care of you, even for a few minutes always makes you feel better when you're sick."

"It was no trouble at all, the least I could do for you." Not quite the truth, it was truly my pleasure and the view I had seen of his body had been gratification enough, but his thanks warmed me inside anyway.

"If you wouldn't mind I'd appreciate some company for a few minutes, I haven't had anyone to talk to today."

My mind whirled with the implications of this, maybe he wasn't as close to his mystery lady as I had first thought, but then most likely their relationship only fit in during lapses in their busy schedules. He had made an offer for me to stay near him though, which I readily accepted.

There was an awkward pause. I really didn't know what to say neither did he, but he had the advantage of being able to eat his soup to fill in during the quiet. I finally had to break the silence.

"This is a nice place you have, it's huge." He smiled slightly at that.

"Well I like to call it home, it's a little bit too large though when I spend a lot of time here alone. Sometimes it feels so empty." I wondered just how much time alone he did spend here, perhaps he stayed with his Red Lady as I had come to call her, or perhaps she stayed here occasionally.

"I was surprised to find that you have the entire floor to yourself, this is such a large building."

"Actually I own the whole building, I just kept the top floor apartment for myself and rent out the other floors below me, most of those are broken up into either 2 or 3 apartments."

"I guess being successful has its advantages."

He smiled again. "It does have many advantages, but unfortunately it also has the side-effect of taking over your life."

So does love. I thought but I knew I couldn't say that aloud, especially not to him. Instead I said, "You seem to have a fairly decent life, at least you don't spend all day in the office like so many other business owners."

"The American dream is to start your own business, become successful and wealthy, then retire and let your business do all the work for you. Unfortunately it doesn't usually work that way, that doesn't take into account the many hours that are spent dealing with stuff outside of the office. There are some nights when I feel like I don't have a life at all."

I honestly didn't know what to say. I'd never really thought about what he did outside of work apart from a relationship. From what he had said today I wasn't even sure how strong his relationship with the Red Lady was, but I was still too afraid to ask - any relationship at all between them was more than I wanted to hear of.

We continued to chat for a while and I continued to try to memorize the details of his body. I doubted I'd have the opportunity to be this close to him again with him wearing so little. I wanted to stock up memories of this for my fantasies, fantasies that I'd be thriving on for a very long time.

What I wanted most was just to be able to sit back and close my eyes, breathing in his scent and luxuriating in his presence. I couldn't do this though, after spending almost 45 minutes with him it was time for me to head back to the office, after all those contracts were due and he had to get some sleep to get over his flu. Part of me wanted to see him well again, part of me wanted him to be ill again for me to make another visit.

I left his apartment and caught a cab back to the office. I felt more in love in with him than I had been before, and also more in despair. I thought that working so close to him would be torture, I didn't even know the beginning of it. I had gotten much closer than we had been in the office, I had entered my own personal Shangri-La and having left I was certain I'd never be so close again.

The rest of the day at the office I went about my job like an automaton; work was much less cheerful than normal, without Jon there the office seemed dull, the lighting even seemed dimmer. I wasn't really thinking about work anyway, my mind kept drifting back to that brief period in his home.

I finished out the day and went home. The next day I hoped I'd have the opportunity to make another trip out to his home, but there was no such luck, he was in his office when I came in the door. He was dressed in casual attire, unlike I'd ever seen him wear into work.

"How're you feeling?"

"Still feeling pretty crappy, but I had to come in and get some things taken care of, I'll be leaving early today, probably before lunch."

"I'll reschedule your appointments for you."

"Thanks Sam."

I pulled the door to his office partway shut to allow him some quiet and heaved a sigh - well I hadn't really expected another opportunity like yesterday, but I was hopeful. I sat down at my desk and began my day's work, when Jon prepared to leave a couple hours later he stopped by at my desk for a minute to go over some last minute details.

"Have a nice day Sam."

"You too, hope you feel better."

Once again my day turned darker as he was away from me. He was back in the office the next day, for the whole day, things were almost back to normal, but he was still feeling a bit sick. Work ended on Friday and I repeated the previous weekend, only feeling more broken-hearted than the previous weekend.

I went to sleep Sunday night looking forward to seeing Jon on the next day. Even though loving him tore me apart, I couldn't help it. Being near him made my heart ache with longing, being away from him was even worse.

Monday morning I went into work and was reminded of the office Christmas party. I didn't remember even being told about it, but I was game. That day kinda rushed by and that evening we had the party. I got a little bit drunk, continuing my weekend drinking spree, and Jon offered to give me a ride home.

It was a cold night outside, well New York can get a bit cold in the winter. We walked over to his black Mercedes and I climbed into the passenger side. He started the car and let it idle for a few minutes to get it warmed up.

Then he caught me totally off guard, he leaned over and kissed me. Had I not been sitting down my knees would have buckled and I'd have collapsed. Wow! He was everything I'd ever dreamed of and more. I sucked his tongue further into my mouth, tasting him experiencing him in a physical way for the first time.

His tongue began to retreat and mine went on the attack, sliding into his open mouth and intertwining my tongue with his. The taste of his mouth had me so excited, my cock was pressed against my pants and my boxers were beginning to get damp from precum.

After a very long time, we finally broke off the kiss. He pulled away from me and looked deep into my eyes. "I love you Sam."

My heart was singing with those words, he loved me. He actually loved me. Those words made me happier than any other words I'd ever heard before. Without a moment's hesitation I replied, "I love you too, Jon. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you. I'd like nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you."

I reached out to touch him again, but he changed before my eyes. His eyes still held a sparkle but there was a touch of malignancy in them. "I knew it. How could you possibly think that I'd ever love you? You're nothing to me, nothing at all."

I screamed and moved to run, but found I couldn't I was frozen to the spot by his words, and my world was torn apart. With so few words he'd completed my world, with a few more he'd utterly destroyed it.

It was then that I began to hear this buzzing sound, a sound drawing at me, forcing me to listen to it. Finally, I realized it was my alarm clock. I woke up soaked in sweat and shaking, it'd only been a dream, but such a real and horribly scary dream. It wasn't even Christmas or anywhere near it, in fact it was in the middle of March. I got up to begin getting ready for work.

The next few weeks were uneventful, well as uneventful as being around Jon could be - just being near him was an event by my standards, but not exactly unusual. We had another visit from his Red Lady - I did find out that her name was Elizabeth this time though. She and Jon left for lunch. This time he returned on schedule and much less excited than he had been the previous time.

He never seemed to talk about his relationship with her, he never really mentioned her to me at all. I must admit that my curiosity was piqued. I never asked though, I was still too afraid of what the answer might be.

Jon had started to spend a lot more time in important meetings with a prospective client. At one point or another the entire office staff was involved with this deal. From what I had seen this could be a huge deal, possibly the largest deal for Jon's firm.

I was impressed by how well he handled everything and kept everything going. He didn't seem to be worried at all that this was a multi-million dollar contract that could make a huge difference to the company. He behaved as he always had, very cool, calm and very much in control of things.

With so much pressure on, everyone stayed constantly busy; we were all running everywhere trying to get things done. The rushing around was a constant event for over two weeks. I saw less of Jon than I had before, but it only made the shorter times I was around him more special.

On a Friday morning close to three weeks after the negotiations started Jon left his office and came out to make an announcement.

"I'd like to congratulate everyone on a job well done these past few weeks, I know we've been very busy here and I know everyone has worked very hard. Due to the many hours that each of you has put in we closed the deal today. To show my appreciation for all your dedication I've decided to hold a small celebration party this evening, I hope everyone will be able to attend."

The thought of being at an office party excited me and at the same scared the living shit out of me. My nightmare from the weeks before came back to haunt me - that dream had been bad enough, to have it come true would kill me. However, the thought of having the first part come true was enough to make me go to the party anyway.

I wondered if Elizabeth would be there. No doubt he wanted to share this moment of triumph with her. Thinking about seeing the two of them together almost killed me, I didn't think I could stand seeing that. The first time I saw them kiss would probably crush me.

I made up my mind then; I wasn't going to come to the party - that would be too much on me. I was determined to continue to hide out in my fantasy world, sheltering myself from the harsh truths of reality that I couldn't face. Then Jon went to return to his office, and approached me.

"You will be coming won't you Sam." He flashed that killer smile at me and my resolve completely melted.

"Of course, I'll be here." I was trying to find words that wouldn't give away my inner turmoil. "This is an occasion to celebrate." I forced out a weak smile. He smiled again seemingly encouraging me.

Damn! If he only knew what he did to me. I was willing to do anything he asked, but I hadn't been prepared for him to ask. He couldn't possibly know how much it would kill me to see him with her. Watching them talk and laughing together... just thinking about it made me hurt. He couldn't have hurt me more had he tried, and he didn't even realize what he was putting me through.

Unbidden my fears of my dream returned. Perhaps he did know what he was doing to me - maybe that was his intention. He wanted to completely destroy me emotionally. He'd built me up to this point, stringing me along and just like in the dream he'd crush me absolutely.

I shook my head, trying to clear these self-destructive thoughts from my head. I forced them from my mind - he couldn't know; there was no way he could know. It's all in my head. I continued with my day's work trying to keep my mind from going back to thinking about what awaited me at the party that evening. Still, I couldn't get those thoughts from my head, no matter how hard I tried there was still a nagging voice of doubt and fear in the back of my mind.

I went home from work feeling completely drained. Falling over onto the couch I decided to take a short nap to rejuvenate before returning to work for the party that night. I napped for close to an hour and prepared to head back in. I almost stopped and backed away from going. Then I'd see Jon's eyes, looking at me and encouraging me to be there. He had specifically asked me to be there, whatever his reasons may be for that.

I once again headed out onto the streets and to the subway to return to the office for the second time today. Arriving at the office I discovered Jon had requested a caterer with a surprising array of dishes. I was impressed once again by his abilities to get things done in such a short period of time.

Everyone including Jon had dressed for tonight in casual attire. I located the drinks and went to get myself a beer. Looking around the office there was one thing I found surprising; Elizabeth wasn't here.

At the beer cooler I ran into Jim, another of the employees here. Jim has been working for the company for almost two years now. I didn't really know him very well, I'd probably not have spoken to him much by my own choice. He struck up a conversation with me though.

"Hi Sam. How's it going?"

"Things are ok, work during the week drink on the weekends. Start all over again on Monday." Since he'd started I had to at least be polite and indulge him in a bit of conversation - besides maybe some basic chit-chat would keep me from going crazy all alone here, especially when Liz came in.

"Do you always drink alone, or was it just that night a few weeks ago." I was at a loss, I hadn't realized he'd been there - must've been more involved in my drink than I thought. Then it hit me, I'd been in a gay bar, he must know about me. I was afraid, no one in the office knew I was gay. Suddenly, I was confronted by Jim - whom I barely knew - and he knew about my sexuality.

Then it finally occurred to me, if he had seen me there, he must be gay too or at least have friends that were gay.

"Yes, most of the time I drink by myself. Recently I haven't really felt like having any company.

"I know the feeling, although I'm generally looking to pick up some company when I go out to the bars."

So he was gay after all; either that or he didn't know where to go to meet women.

"Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" I have no idea why I asked that, I guess I was just curious, but it came out sounding more like a pick-up line. "Just out of curiosity." No one ever says just out of curiosity unless they have another reason.

"No, I'm not really looking for a relationship. I don't mind a commitment but it's just not what I want. I've had a few relationships but for the moment I prefer to keep things casual. I've decided to take some 'me' time to explore myself. It's nothing to do with you, I'm just not looking for a relationship."

"I was just curious, I don't really know what I want at the moment." That was a lie, I knew exactly what and who I wanted, but I couldn't have him. "To be honest, I hadn't even told anyone here that I was gay, I didn't know how the office would accept that."

"Well, you couldn't have gone to work for a much better place if you're looking for gay-friendly. Take a look around there's Carey with her girlfriend Sharon. Of course you know about me, as does the entire office. Everyone here knows about both Carey and I, including Jon, no one has a problem with it."

This was news to me. I guess I hadn't been paying much attention to what was happening with the other people around me apart from Jon. If I'd paid a bit more attention I wouldn't have been shocked as much by the revelations.

Jim was kind enough to point out the various people that he knew that had come with other office staff. This was the first time I'd really even noticed some of them; I guess I was really preoccupied with Jon. Jim was a very nice guy, I wish I hadn't ignored him so much, I wasn't interested in him at all, but there's always room for another friendship, my old friends had been somewhat alienated by me. In creating new friendships Jim was as good a place to start as any.

However, there was one thing I had noticed that was still bothering me, where was Elizabeth throughout this. I had seen Jon moving around to various people, but I'd seen no sign of her. I still didn't know how she fit into this puzzle, but I was about to find out.

A few beers and a long talk had finally gotten my nerve up enough to ask about her. "Jon's date isn't here, I wonder what's holding her up?"

"Date???"

"Well I thought Liz would be here to celebrate along with Jon."

Jim kinda smiled and laughed at me, I had no idea what was so funny though. "Liz is one of Jon's oldest friends, they attended college together, went to work for the same firm. He went off to form his own company, she's upper level management at the place they worked together."

I thought my heart would stop right then and there. I had misjudged the situation entirely, my instincts had been right even if my mind afraid of getting my hopes up had refused to accept it.

Still, I did not dare get my hopes up. Just because he and Liz were friends didn't mean that he was available to me. "So is he seeing anyone right now?"

"Not that I know of, he hasn't been looking too much recently, work has kept him so busy. He's still looking for Mr. Right, just not looking very hard at the moment."

"Mr.?"

"Yes, he's gay, I thought you'd know that already, as close as you two are."

"He hadn't really mentioned anything of the sort, I had no way of knowing, we're not very close at all."

"You're a lot closer to him than most of us are, even Stephanie has never been out to his apartment. Plus everyone sees the way you two joke together, you act like you're old friends."

Was my love of Jon that obvious to everyone. Here I thought I'd been good at keeping my feelings hidden, and now I face the revelation that I had made myself oblivious to the world around me. Even when it came to Jon, my primary focus, I had still missed a lot of what was going on.

Jim continued to enlighten me. "Honestly, I think he's been reserving a special look for you. I envy you, I tried once before to get him, but I had no such luck."

Those words were like being hit in the chest by a baseball bat. The breath was knocked out of my body, I couldn't breathe, my heart was hammering against my chest and my vision blurred. I couldn't believe my ears, I couldn't trust the world around me. Everything was going by too fast, somehow this had to be a dream. Another dream, I'd wake up to find myself alone and on my couch in just a minute - this couldn't be true.

I suddenly became determined to force myself to wake up. I didn't though, the office stayed firmly in place before me. I shut my eyes, willing myself back to wakefulness knowing that when I opened them I'd find myself alone in my apartment.

"Are you ok?"

Jim startled me, breaking my concentration. I'd never known anything like this to happen before in a dream it must be real. How could it be real though, everything I'd hoped for could be waiting at the end of this night.

"Yes, just a lot of stuff going through my mind way too fast, I don't know what to think. It's like I was just hit by a train going full speed."

"Is it really that much of a shock to hear that he might be interested in you? You're a nice guy, don't look half-bad either. In fact you're pretty cute, not my type, but I'm sure you must be someone's type."

"I don't know, it's not that, it's just...I don't know...

Jim gave me a puzzled look for a minute, then suddenly his expression cleared like he'd just suddenly realized something. "Oh my god, you have a crush on him don't you."

I felt my face turn hot, and I knew I must have been blushing bright red. I didn't know what to say all I could do is stand there stammering like an incompetent. I couldn't believe that I was that transparent. I tried to talk, to say something but my tongue seemed swollen to three times it's normal size. Fortunately Jim stepped in and saved me any more embarrassment.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot, but it just suddenly clicked and everything made sense. At first I didn't connect any feelings that you might have for him when I said that. Then when I saw how you reacted I realized that you must like Jon."

"Well that's true enough, it was just a shock to hear that from you, not to mention hearing you say that Jon had been flirting with me. I was too afraid to interpret that in the same way, I didn't want to get hurt."

"It's okay, I understand."

"Can you do me a favor, please don't mention this to anyone else here. I have no idea what I'd do if Jon found out. I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"Sure. If that's what you want, but I have to advise you to go for it, tell him yourself. I have the feeling you'll find that your fears aren't justified."

I knew they weren't justified, but I still couldn't shake off the horror of my nightmare. I'd come too far to turn back now though, but still wasn't ready to go forward.

"I'll think about it." He didn't seem convinced, but I couldn't tell him the reasons why I was scared to go forward. Even after what had happened tonight, after all the things Jim had told me, I still didn't know how to tell him that. He'd probably think I was crazy anyway.

We fell silent, neither of us knowing quite what to say. Then Jon came up to get a drink, spring water, how health conscious - I'd been standing here downing beers for most of the night. Then again, he is driving home tonight, getting drunk probably wouldn't be the best idea.

"Hi Sam, Jim, how's it going?"

"Just getting ready to go mingle a bit." Jim said as he walked off towards the other staff.

"How about you Sam? Having a good time?"

"For the most part, just for some reason not in a party mood tonight."

"That's ok, I can understand that. Feel free to leave at any time, we won't hold you here against your will."

"Thanks, but I'll be staying for a little while longer, going to go talk to a few people. So far I've spent the whole evening just talking to Jim."

"Sounds like a plan. Thanks for coming Sam." He was thanking me for coming. My mind was racing at the speed of light - perhaps Jim was right, or perhaps I was just hyper-interpreting the situation because of my own desires.

I wandered off to go talk with some of the other people there, Jon went back to the group he'd been talking with. I stayed for perhaps another hour, then prepared to leave. I stopped by my desk on the way out to pick up something I'd left behind when Jon came out of his office wearing his coat and preparing to leave. He stopped to talk to me briefly.

"Getting ready to make a break for it Sam?"

"Yes. I just thought I'd grab a few things I'd left behind before heading out to catch the subway."

"If you'd like I can give you a ride, since we're leaving at the same time."

"No thanks, I don't want to put you out, I'll just take the subway like normal."

"It's no trouble at all, I'd be happy to give you a ride."

Here was the moment I had dreamed about, in the best and worst dreams I'd had. He was offering to give me a ride, normally I would gladly have welcomed travelling with him, but this time I couldn't shake that nagging doubt from the back of my mind. Damn! Why did this have to be so difficult?

Well as the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained - I decided to just go for it. "Ok, I'll take you up on your offer."

We headed out of the office to his car, the black Mercedes from my nightmare. Instead of using a key to open the car, he used a remote. We climbed into the car and he started the engine we sat there letting it idle for a few minutes.

Jon turned to me. "What?"

Suddenly I realized I'd been staring, waiting for that moment to happen, - the dreams, which had been so much in my thoughts. "Oh nothing, I was just thinking."

Now Jon was staring, there was a look in his eyes, something familiar - longing. When I saw that look in his eyes, I made up my mind. I leaned over the console and kissed him. Even though I'd been the one to kiss him I was surprised when he kissed me back.

If I were to die right then I'd have been happy, he didn't reject me. This single moment seemed to be the moment I'd been waiting for my entire life. Jon finally broke the kiss, pulling away slightly to look into my eyes.

He sighed, his eyes glowing like two twin stars. "Oh Sam..." but he didn't continue, instead he reached his hand up into my hair pulling me back towards him and kissing me passionately again. I was in my own personal heaven, tasting his mouth.

Once more he broke the kiss, but this time he managed to say something. "Would you come back with me to my place, it's been too long since I had any companionship there."

It wasn't the profound declaration of love that I'd hoped for, but it gave me an opportunity to be closer to him. I loved him and wanted to be near him. While I might get my heart broken later on I was determined to take any chance I had to be with him - if not forever, then at least for now.

He seemed hurried to return to his home, there was no argument from me, I was in a hurry to get there as well. We walked quickly from the garage to the front, Jon flipping through his keys to get the right key for the building door. However, when he didn't stop to lock the door again behind us I decided we should slow down a little bit at least.

"Don't you think we should lock the door behind us?"

"It's a time lock, it's always locked after Jimmy leaves, doesn't unlock until he enters the code in the morning."

Okay with me, I certainly wasn't going to argue. We stepped into the elevator and as the door shut Jon leaned towards me and kissed me. His arms locked behind me and pulled my body up against his. None of my fantasies had come anywhere near capturing the feelings right then.

His scent that had been tantalizing from a distance was overpowering this close to him. I felt like I was standing in front of an open fire feeling the heat radiating from his body. The taste of his mouth excited me beyond belief. I was so enthralled with him that I didn't even notice the elevator door open.

At least he lives on his own floor, we might startle some of the others if the door opened with the two of us making out. It wasn't until the elevator dinged and the door began to close that we realized we'd better get out. Jon was once again flipping through his keys to get to the key for his door. As soon as the door opened he pulled me inside. When he turned to lock the door again I leaned in close and as he turned back around I leaned up against him, pressing my body against his again and ensnaring his lips with my own as my hands caressed his body.

I was so in love with him. The feeling of his body against mine was heaven and I never wanted to leave his embrace; unfortunately we'd never make it to the bedroom without breaking it. Reluctantly we parted and moved back towards the bedroom - an area my previous visit hadn't taken me to - though I wish it had, I was just happy to be heading there now.

As we entered the room he pulled me down onto the bed on top of him and we began to kiss again. Passion coursed through my veins like fiery liquor, my whole body burning from the heat of him and the flames of desire within myself growing in response. Finally breaking the kiss I sat up on top of him then leaned forward again, kissing him briefly before licking along his strong jaw and nuzzling at his neck.

I couldn't get enough of the taste of his flesh; after waiting so long for this I didn't think I'd ever be satisfied. I removed the his shirt and continued to lick my way down his body, my tongue was in heaven experiencing the flesh I had desired for so long. I caressed his chest with my hands while my tongue played with his hardened nipples, sending shivers through his body. I could feel the bulge of his hardon pressing against me through the fabric of the khaki pants he was wearing.

I stood up to undo the buckle of his belt and to slide his pants down. He'd been undoing the buttons of my shirt while I'd been licking him and he pulled off my shirt as I stood up. He stood up next to me and kissed me lightly along my chest making my erection throb within the confines of my boxers. He undid the button on my blue jeans and slid his hand down into my pants to caress my cock through the material of my boxers before undoing the zipper and sliding the jeans off my hips.

We were finally down to just our undergarments as we pressed together again in a passionate embrace. He was nibbling at my earlobe while grinding his hips into mine rubbing our straining cocks together through the cloth of my boxers and his briefs.

I reach down to cup his ass and found his ass cheeks were bare, he was wearing a thong. He broke the kiss and smiled when he noticed my discovery and whispered in my ear, "The best way to keep seam lines from obscuring my ass is not to have any seam lines." I laughed at that and squeezed his tightly muscled butt with my hands while licking and sucking at his neck as he continued to chew on my earlobe.

I was so hot by this point I didn't think I'd last much longer even though I wanted this to last forever. Finally we broke apart and slid the last physical barrier between us, allowing what little clothing was left to drop to the floor. He looked at me, and the look in his eyes made me blush.

He looked into my eyes smiling; "You're beautiful Sam."

My face flushed an even darker red and my cock jumped at his words, but I was still captivated by his body. I had waited so long to see his entire body revealed before me and I was finally allowed to see that. I felt like a peasant that had been granted a view of Zeus after casting off his mortal image. I wasn't sure whether to embrace him once more or to kneel in rapture before this god.

My knees began to buckle and I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to breathe, but he reached out to catch me. He picked me up easily kissing me then he carried me over to the bed, laying me down gently before climbing on top of me and kissing me deeply yet again. I knew then exactly what I wanted and when next we broke our kiss to speak I told him.

"I want you to fuck me Jon, I want to feel you inside of me. I've been waiting for this night since the first time I saw you. I want you, I want to feel your entire body pressed against me, my arms and legs wrapped around you as pummel my ass."

"Your wish is my command." He stood up to go get some lube and a condom from the nightstand then quickly came back. I spread my legs and lifted them to give him easy access to my hole as he squirted some lube out onto his fingers and began to run them lovingly around my asshole. He squirted more lube on his fingers and then spread some extra over my asshole before he began to work a finger into me. First one finger, then soon a second and a third was sliding easily into my ass.

"Fuck me Jon, I'm ready." I so lost was in the passion of the moment it came out as almost a growl.

He wasted no time from that point on, quickly slipping the condom over this hard shaft and gripping it with his lube covered hand. He slid his hand up and down his cock a few times to cover it fully with lube before resting his body up against me.

His cock was pressed against my hole as I wrapped my legs around him. He pressed in lightly, and then grunted. I could feel the head slip into fairly easily. He slowly began to push into me, very slowly and gently, too slowly for me though, I wanted to feel all of him now.

"More," was all I could say between gasps, but he sensed what I wanted and began to push a little harder. I gritted my teeth against the pain of the initial intrusion, but soon felt complete as his balls lay against my ass. He paused to give me time to adjust to his presence. I'd waited so long for him I didn't want to waste any time, "I'm ready Jon. Give me the fucking of my life." He leaned forward pressing his chest against mine and kissed me again. My cock jumped as it pressed against the hot flesh of his stomach. His cock began to slide out of my ass, passing my prostate in one smooth continuous motion. Pulling almost all the way out before thrusting his cock into me again all the way. He began a steady rhythm of pulling out and then slamming back into me.

I grunted and moaned into his mouth with each thrust. I never wanted this to end, but I knew it would eventually have to, each thrust sent waves of pleasure threw me, but also brought me closer to the edge. My cock couldn't withstand the sensations of being pressed against his stomach, feeling the silky hairs around his navel brushing against it. Each thrust moved his satiny soft skin up across my cock and enhancing the pleasure that shot through my body with each touch of my prostate.

I could feel my balls begin to draw up and my cock beginning to twitch as I came close. He had increased the rhythm of his fucking and I knew that he was also close. He was fucking my ass at a animalistic pace slamming into me as he kissed me almost feverishly. I couldn't take much more of this and as my body tensed for orgasm I kissed him harder. He responded to my increased passion by speeding his already rapid pace.

My body tensed and I could feel my muscles begin to tighten as my cock began to shoot between us. My asshole clamped down on his cock like a vice as he made one final thrust burying his cock deep in my ass. I could feel his cock jumping within me as he shot his load and our bodies ground together in a dance of lust and passion.

Finally our climaxes subsided and he collapsed on top of me as he kissed me tenderly. My whole body was suffused with warmth of love and happiness from the sex that we had just shared. I could feel his cock shrinking within me as it began to slip out of my ass. I'd felt so complete with him inside me now I felt empty, but happy and contented. I was finally with the man of my dreams. I'd spent 3 months drooling over, lusting after and dreaming of this moment with him and it had finally happened. I didn't know what the future might hold for a relationship. I had no idea if he loved me like I loved him - and I now loved him more than ever - or if he ever would, but I had him with me for now and I was satisfied with that for the time being.

We continued to kiss as we lay there, both of us reveling in the after-glow of the passion we had shared. My hands traced their way along the strong muscles of his back, enjoying the satiny feel of his skin. I held him to me with my entire body, hoping to hold me so he'd never leave. When he moved to stand up finally I unlocked myself from around him, my mouth the last part to let go of him. I pulled at his tongue as if I could keep up us together by the force of my mouth alone.

Eventually the kiss was broken as well and he stood up, then reached down his arm to pull me up with him. He led me with him through the door into the bathroom and cut on the shower, testing the water's temperature he climbed in and led me in with him. We'd hardly spoken since getting off the bed - there wasn't any need to, for at least this period of time we were communicating in a way that went beyond words.

I luxuriated in the feeling of the hot water running over me and his arms wrapped around me. He grabbed the soap off the wall and began to spread lather all over my body. The touch of his hands was like an electric tingle along my skin. I relaxed further resting myself against him until he supported almost my entire weight.

His hands continued to slowly caress my skin, covering the entire front of my body. His touch was so gentle, so loving, and very sensual but there was nothing sexual about it. He finished soaping my front and stepped away from me, after a brief run up under the water to wash the soap off I took the bar of soap from him and began to do the same for him.

My hands ran over his strong chest, briefly pinching each nipple on passing and then washing along his abs. I lathered his sides and arms, then had him lift his arms to wash underneath them. My hands continued to massage and lather down passing by his pubic region and caressing his muscular thighs and calves. After finishing his front he turned into the water letting it wash the soap lather off him. Once he had turned around I began to wash his back.

I loved the feel of his skin, the muscles sliding beneath my hands with every movement he made. I would have been happy to run my tongue along every line and every muscle in his body; of course I had to save some things to do later. I never gave any thought to there not being a next time; I didn't want anything to spoil my happiness at that moment. I would just take things as they came. I was willing to do whatever I could to be with him for as long as possible.

He turned around to wash the lather off his back and took the soap from me to begin washing my back. He lathered my back and then began to caress my butt, his fingers slid into the crack to wash away the lube that was still there. He gently ran his finger along and around the edge of my asshole before gently slipping his finger inside to clean there as well.

We finally finished washing each other and we stepped out of the shower. We took turns drying each other off, then he put his robe on me - it looked like the same robe he'd been wearing that day I visited. He walked out of the bathroom and I followed him out. He went into his closet and grabbed a black robe similar to the one I was now wearing.

I was grateful for the warmth the robe provided because after the sex and the hot shower the air of his apartment felt very cool against my skin. There was another reason I liked the robe, it carried his scent - it was the next best thing to being wrapped in his arms.

We went into the kitchen and he asked me if I wanted something to drink. A drink was very welcome at that point.

"Peach brandy ok?"

I wasn't really a brandy drinker, I didn't drink anything much stronger than a beer or some wine most of the time, but I was willing tonight. Besides the strong liquor might be just what I needed, something to warm me physically as much as I was warmed emotionally. So I replied: "Sounds good to me."

He poured us each a glass then he sat down across table from me. The table in the kitchen was very small, only large enough for four people. Even though it was small it felt like a huge gulf after the intimacy we had just shared. He sipped at the brandy; holding the glass with his right hand, while his left hand reached out to touch mine. Even the simple touch of his hand sent chills down my spine. Every minute I spent near him was a moment of heaven.

We sat there quietly sipping brandy and holding hands, just enjoying each other's company. I finally decided to speak though, I wanted to let him know how much I'd waited and dreamed about tonight.

"I've wanted what we had tonight ever since the first time I saw you. That day when you spoke to me my knees almost buckled. I've fantasized about you almost every night." Well ok, I did bend the truth a little. I had no idea how he felt about me and I wasn't quite prepared to open myself up to the pain that could come if revealed my true feelings.

"I've felt the same way. I wanted to this to happen, I even tried to set this up while I was sick. I could've put those contracts off but I thought it'd be the perfect opportunity to find out how you felt. I began to think you weren't interested when me laying on the couch with my robe open didn't cause you to do anything."

So he was really awake throughout that event, and he wanted me to follow through on those thoughts that ran through my head - another opportunity missed. "I didn't know what to think about you either. When Liz came in that day for lunch I thought you two were a couple. I thought you were out of my reach. I never had any certain indication that you were interested and I never asked any of the staff about you or Liz, I was afraid of what the truth might reveal."

He sighed noticeably. "I guess we were both being careful to remain guarded. What made you decide to kiss me tonight?"

"I talked to Jim tonight, he kinda filled me on the reality I had been ignoring. After finding out that you were gay I looked back and things that had seemed uncertain to me before now made a lot of sense. I was just afraid of interpreting things that way and getting my hopes up for nothing."

He smiled, "I guess we've been walking around in circles trying to catch up with each other. I'm really glad you kissed me tonight."

I chuckled slightly at that, "So am I, and I'm glad it turned out ok. I was absolutely terrified of what the consequences would be."

"Why were you terrified?"

I went ahead and told him about my dream. About how we had been at an office party, we'd gotten into his car. How he'd leaned across the console and kissed me, then had torn my world apart by revealing the truth that he hated me. I never mentioned anything about love coming into that dream though.

We talked for quite a while and went through the brandy that we had in our glasses, he refilled our glasses and we talked through a second glass. We finally went to bed we dropped the robes down on the floor and climbed under the sheets. I pressed myself against him and he wrapped his arms around me.

I've never felt happier or more comfortable than I did at that moment. I felt like I was in the safest place in the world my own little heaven. My eyes shut as I inhaled his scent and just luxuriated in his presence, his breathing told me that he was now asleep. I sat there resting against him just listening to him breath and the next thing I knew the sun was blinding me coming through the shades.

That morning while he still slept I was reflecting back over the events that had led to this moment. I knew why I hadn't told Jon that I loved him last night. I was still haunted by fear from Carter. I didn't believe that Jon was capable of the same things as Carter. I didn't believe he'd abuse me like Carter did, but I was afraid that he wouldn't return my love, that he'd scorn me and that would kill me inside. Even if my heart somehow didn't bust from that I'd be dead on the inside and dead to the world. I couldn't bare the thought of that loss and I didn't want to do anything to push him away from me.

So I lay there and made the decision not to tell him how I really felt. At least not until I had the chance to find out how he felt about me. I wish I could have stayed there all morning lying with him, but my full bladder was demanding release. I climbed out of bed as quietly as I could and moved into the bathroom.

When I returned I found him rolled over onto his back his hardon very pronounced beneath the sheet. I decided to give him a wake-up to remember. I began to lick around the head of his shaft, watching it jump and twitch with each flick of my tongue. He moaned slightly but still seemed to be asleep. So I continued.

I moved my head up a bit to lick around his navel. I loved the taste of his skin, like his scent it there was something about it that drove me wild. I moved back down and began to suck on his nuts. Placing small kisses along his sack and sliding my tongue across the puckered skin. I pulled first one then the other into my mouth. Wrapping them each in turn with my tongue and rolling it around my mouth.

I looked up to see him smiling down at me, his hardon standing up straight into the air. I moved up to engulf his cock but he told me, "Turn around so I can suck you as well."

I certainly wasn't about to complain, so I turned myself around. I wasted no time and sucked the head of his cock into my mouth. He proceeded a bit more slowly and began to lick at my cock before starting to suck. I focused my attention on sucking him, getting as much pleasure from the flavor of his cock as I was from his mouth sucking on me.

Inhaling his scent and the taste of his flesh had me hornier than I had been in a long time and I knew I wouldn't last long. I buried my nose into his balls swallowing his cock deep into my throat. I don't think I'll ever get tired of his smell or his flavor. I could feel his ass clenching and I knew that he was getting close as well. I reached my hand out to play with his testes while I sucked him.

I rolled his nuts around in my palm and giving them the occasional gentle squeeze. I tried to give him as much pleasure as he was giving me. I was surprised when he reached up and began to massage my asshole. His finger slid around the rim, sending shivers along my spine. He knew just what to do to make me hot. His touch was like lightning spreading out across my body.

He moaned and his hips began to grind his cock into my mouth. He began a slow fucking motion into my mouth, then slid his finger into my ass. He stroked my prostate and quickly had me groaning along with him. His back arched and his legs went taut as he began to shoot, I pulled back so that only the head remained in my mouth so I could taste his sweet cum. I allowed his juice to fill my mouth and the taste was enough to set me off.

When our passion finally subsided I turned around and lay on top of him, kissing him deeply once again. We finally broke apart when his stomach began to rumble. We laughed at that and I said, "How about some breakfast?"

"Sounds great to me, you go ahead and get started in the kitchen, I need to take a side-trip to the bathroom first."

I kissed him briefly once again before climbing off him. I grabbed up the robe I had worn the night before and went into the kitchen. I grabbed a few things out of the fridge to make omelets with and moved over to the cabinets to get a skillet out to cook it in. I was reaching up into the cabinets when Jon walked in behind me.

He came up to me, pressing his body against me and began to kiss my neck. When he finally spoke he only said one short statement, "I love you Sam."

----------------------------------------------------------- End Part 1

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