This is FICTION. It NEVER happened, at least not to my knowledge. This story is not intended to imply anything about the sexuality or personalities of Carson Daly, James Van Der Beek, any member of N Sync, or any other real life person mentioned.
Lance opened his eyes and felt a wave of sadness and disappointment sweep over him. It had been the most wonderful dream he'd ever had in his entire life. He and JC had been together. They'd held each others hands and kissed. JC had loved him in the way Lance had always prayed he'd be loved by someone.
But it had been a dream. For a second or two, Lance squeezed his eyes closed again, hoping against hope that the dream would return.
"You up yet man?" Justin's voice ended Lance's futile attempt to recapture the dream.
"Almost," Lance sighed, opening his eyes again and looking up at Justin, who was standing just inside the doorway of the hotel room.
"Cool. We gotta get movin," Justin reminded him.
"Yeah, I remember. Screaming girls fighting for a mock date with N Sync, courtesy of the dream factory that is MTV."
"You okay Lance?" Justin asked, hearing the unusual note of bitterness in his friend's voice.
"Yeah, just tired, I guess. I'll be down out in a little while, okay?"
"'Kay. We'll be in Chris's room," Justin said as he closed the door behind him. He hoped Lance was all right. He wondered sometimes about Lance, about how happy he could really be. Justin had no doubt that his friend was gay, even though none of them had ever discussed it, even behind Lance's back.
Sometimes he wished Lance would just tell him and the other guys. He knew it must be hard for him, though, with his religious background. At times Justin considered telling Lance that he was bisexual, to break the ice and make things easier for his friend. He wasn't sure he was ready to do that, though. He like hooking up with guys every once in awhile, sure, but in the long run he intended to settle down with some phat honey and have a couple of kids. So why lable himself now?
Besides, Justin had other things on his mind today. They were in Big Bear for MTV's Snowed In weekend, and for the first time since they'd been in Atlanta for TRL's superbowl special a few weeks before, Justin would be seeing Carson Daly.
The last time he'd seen the TRL host, he'd been butt ass naked and sportin wood, Justin recalled with a smile. He wasn't quite sure he was going to be able to keep a straight face on the show today when he looked at Carson.
"Cut! Listen, why don't we take half an hour to regroup ourselves and then try again?" The director tried to keep his voice level, but it was obvious he was fed up. They'd been attempting to shoot the same scene for over an hour now, and James Van Der Beek kept blowing his lines. The others in the scene, Kerr Smith and Michelle Williams, had it down pat from the first take. "Sorry," James mumbled in the general direction of Kerr and Michelle and then moved off towards his dressing room. What the hell was wrong with him? His work was the most important thing in his life and he was usually dead on right from the first take. Lately, though, his mind kept wandering away from where it should be focused. It had been a few weeks since the night Carson Daly had made a pass at him, and James couldn't stop thinking about how much he'd wanted to give in that night, how much he still wanted to give in now. After Carson had left his room that night he'd hooked up with a babe he'd met earlier in the hotel bar. The whole time he'd been with her, though, his mind kept going back to Carson lying naked in the same bed they were using. "I'm losing my mind," James said aloud to himself once he was alone in his dressing room. He slumped down in a chair next to the door and tried to get back in focus so he could finish the scene. He didn't like the way Michelle and Kerr had been looking at him. It was the same way he usually looked at incompetent cast mates who flubbed their lines! A knock sounded at the door and a sudden burst of rage overtook James. If everyone would just leave him the fuck alone, maybe he'd be able to memorize his lines! And who was writing this crap anyway? The show was tanking big time now that Kevin Willamson had moved on. "What??" James barked, flinging the door open. "Hello to you, too," Joshua Jackson laughed, walking past James. Joshua had an eternally laid back manner about him. He was never flustered and his good humor was often infectious. "Hey, Josh," James felt himself calming down a little and felt sort of foolish all of a sudden. "Sorry." "No problem. I'm used to being greeted like that wherever I go," Josh smiled. "So, what's up with you today? Girl problems?" "No. Well, not really. I'm just having trouble concentrating," James sighed, sitting back down. Joshua had taken a seat on the sofa without having to be asked. "Some babe has you really worked up, that's for sure. Listen, just relax, focus on the scene. When it's over, get out of here and go take care of whatever it is that's got your panties in a twist. Otherwise, you're screwed," Josh smiled. "I'm not sure I want to take care of it, that's the problem. It's something I'd like to forget," James explained. "Oh. Well, obviously you don't really want to forget it. If you did, you already would have put it out of your head. That's how the human brain works, man. So stop trying so hard to forget it and just deal with it head on." "Josh, I can't. It's... well, it's not a good thing, okay? It's not something I want to face," James couldn't believe it but he felt himself close to tears. "Why isn't it a good thing? Does it hurt someone else?" Josh looked at him quizzically from across the room. "Yeah. Well, no. But it's just... it's not... I can't....." James was at a loss for words. "I think I know what you're getting at. It's something that you don't feel is right, but that you're drawn to anyway?" Josh asked. James nodded silently and Josh's face broke out in a smile. "Okay, I think I've got a parallel situation to relate here that might be of some help. Awhile back I was working on a movie and there was this person who was making it totally obvious that they wanted me. At first I was like, No, Thanks. But then the harder they tried, the more I started thinking, Why Not?" Josh smiled. "Josh, it's not quite the same thing, okay?" James said, wishing he'd never brought it up to begin with. "I think it might be, dude. See, this person wasn't a chick. It was another guy," Josh said quietly, still smiling. James stared at him, mouth open in shock. "What?" he finally managed to croak out. "Yeah. Another dude. I'd never thought about being with another guy or anything like that. But the more he pursued me, the more I wondered why I shouldn't. I mean, it's just sex, right? I've never had anything against gay people. And it's natural to be curious, I think. So I finally decided what the hell, let's see what all the fuss was about." "You slept with him?" James asked, still feeling dazed by the revelation but also a little turned on at the thought of his costar with another guy. "There wasn't much sleeping going on, no," Josh laughed. "It was an experience, James. Nothing to feel bad about, maybe even nothing I'll ever do again, though I wouldn't swear to it. It was fun. My point is that everyone experiments at some point, so don't let it tear you up like this if you did, too, okay?" "Yeah. Um, thanks, Josh," James smiled, still trying to digest all he'd just found out about his costar. "See you on the set," Josh smiled as he left James alone. 'Everyone experiments at some point.' The words kept going through James's mind and he suddenly wished that he could be included in that group."I've got a headache," Chris sighed as the elevator doors closed.
"Yeah, me too. I'm just glad that's over with," Joey agreed. The group had spent the day witnessing a human circus as their fans had been forced into competing to try to win a date with them.
"Can you believe Carson? I wanted to knock that smug smile right offa his face when he called us N Stink!" Justin complained. His head was killing him, too, but it wasn't just because of the screaming girls.
Carson had been very happy to see him again and every time the cameras had stopped rolling he'd flirted with Justin like it was his last day on Earth and he wanted to end it with a final conquest.
"Carson certainly wants to mount you, Curly. Going to give him a ride?" Chris cracked, sending Joey into fits of laughter.
"Ha ha. It wouldn't be so funny if he was all over you, man!" Justin said. He didn't really mind guys flirting with him, but Carson got on his nerves big time.
"You've been really quiet today, Lance. Everything okay?" JC asked quietly while the other guys teased Justin about Carson's intentions.
"Yeah, sure. I'm just tired," Lance smiled. His mind went back to the dream he'd had and the way JC had looked at him in it, with such love in his eyes. Why couldn't he look at him like that right now, for real?
"Oh. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to come to my room and watch a movie," JC said, sounding a little disappointed.
"Really? That would be cool. I need to just relax a little," Lance smiled, hoping he didn't sound too anxious or excited at the prospect.
"Cool. I'll see you in a few minutes," JC smiled as the elevator doors opened and they all went off to their separate rooms.
Flipping through the hotel's selection of pay per view movies, JC thought back on the days events. He'd enjoyed the whole Snowed In thing, even if it was silly. JC loved it when the cameras were rolling, it was when he felt most at peace with himself, when he was entertaining.
"JC? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Justin asked, knocking on the door as he came through it.
"Sure. Something wrong?" JC looked at Justin quizzically. They were like brothers and had been since their famous stint on the Mickey Mouse Club.
"It's about Lance, actually. I been thinkin about him all day. I worry about him a lot," Justin explained, closing the door behind him.
"Why?" JC asked, feeling confused. Lance had seemed quiet and a little tired all day, sure. But Lance was usually quiet and reserved anyway.
"Well, you know. They say that suicide rates are highest for gay teens. I know Lance isn't a teen anymore, but still. It must be hard for him. I just thought -" Justin stopped when he saw the look of shock on JC's face.
"Lance is gay?" JC asked, feeling a little dazed. He'd never thought of any of the other guys in the band in that way at all.
"You're surprised? I thought everyone knew. I mean, he's never told me so, but it's kind of obvious, isn't it?" Justin looked suddenly uncomfortable.
"I never really thought about it," JC said softly, more to himself than to Justin.
"Oh. Well, I guess I could be wrong. But I don't think so. I just think we should be more supportive, ya know? So he knows that we're okay with it."
Before JC could say anything else there was a knock at the door. Still feeling a little dazed, JC opened it and found Lance standing there, smiling.
"What movie are we going to see?" Lance asked in his softly accented deep voice. For the first time ever, JC found himself looking at his friend in a new light and wondering.
"You guys are watching a movie?" Justin asked from inside the room. Was that a flicker of disappointment in Lance's eyes, JC wondered, when he heard Justin?
"Yeah, Curly. Want to join us?" JC asked, stepping aside to let Lance in. Lance felt a feeling of disappointment wash over him. He couldn't help remembering the night in Atlanta when he and JC had stayed up late watching movies, just the two of them. He'd felt really close to JC that night and had been hoping that tonight might turn out to be similar.
"Sure. I'm always up for hanging out with two of my favorite people," Justin smiled. "What are we gonna watch?"
JC and Lance, though they had no way of knowing that the other was thinking the same thing, both wished Justin had said no.
"That's it, yeah. Mmmmm," the hot young blonde moaned. He was lying on his back, his arms behind his head. He couldn't believe his luck as he watched Carson Daly from MTV going down on his cock. Carson, his mouth full of several inches of hot young cock, was reviewing the show with N Sync in his mind. He'd had little luck with Justin, to his disappointment. Luckily, he hadn't been forced to go home alone as he had that night in Atlanta after he left James Van Der Beek's room and had been unable to find Justin. The young blonde had come up to him with a star struck grin on his face and asked for his autograph. "I watch your show every day," he'd said in an awed voice. Carson had sized him up quickly - great body, good looking, very eager. "For the music or for me?" He'd asked playfully. The blonde had blushed and then, looking boldly into Carson's eyes, had said that he always turned off the show whenever there was a guest host filling in for Carson. "Feel like coming up to my room for a drink?" Carson had asked, and the boy had accepted immediately. He'd been more than willing once they got to the room to take off his clothes, and now Carson was servicing him. "Fuck, I'm going to cum," the blonde moaned, and Carson increased his suction. "I'm gonna shoot.." Carson pulled back just in time to be rewarded with the first shot on his tongue and then jacked the boy off, letting him cum all over his own chest. Moving up quickly, Carson brought his mouth to his lovers, sharing the cum between them. Pulling away after they'd both greedily swallowed the cum, Carson straddled his chest and began jacking off just above the blonde's face. The young stud kept trying to touch Carson's cock with his tongue, but the TRL host kept it just out of his reach and he moved his fist quickly up and down. "Yeah, you want this don't you? You want my rod?" Carson asked between gasps as he got closer and closer to his climax. "Please!" The blonde begged, just as Carson began to shoot his load all over his face. Smiling down at the cum splattered blonde, Carson rolled off the bed and stood up. "That was great, thanks." "It was beyond great. I can't believe I have Carson Daly's jizz all over my face!" The guy smiled, using his finger to scoop up some of it from his cheek and bringing it to his mouth. "Listen, I hate to be an asshole, but I've really gotta get some sleep. I've got a busy day tomorrow," Carson said, pulling on a hotel robe. "Oh. You want me to leave?" the blonde looked a little surprised and Carson felt a twinge of irritation. This one was going to turn out to be a clinger. "Well, you can use the bathroom first to clean up, but yeah. Sorry, but I'm a busy guy. You know how it is." "Okay," the blonde said, pulling on his boxer briefs and reaching for his clothes. "It's probably for the best, I guess. My parents would probably be pissed if I didn't come home. I could say I'm staying at a friends house, though, if you wanted." "Your parents?" Carson asked, feeling as though he'd been punched in the stomach. "How old are you?" "I turned sixteen last month." "Oh, Jesus! I thought you were at least nineteen. Shit!" Carson sat down suddenly on the bed. "Don't worry, dude. I won't tell anyone. They'd never believe I got a blow job from Carson Daly even if I did tell!" "Oh, my God. Sixteen. Christ. You look older!" Carson said. "Thanks! I'll just go clean up, okay?" the boy went into the bathroom and closed the door. Carson grabbed the phone and quickly dialed a number. "Love? You're never going to believe what just happened to me!"JC looked down at Lance's sleeping face, wondering. The movie had ended a little while ago and Justin had gone off to bed, but Lance had fallen asleep during the show.
He looks so peaceful, JC thought. So sweet. Lance. Could Lance be gay? What a relief it would be if he was! JC had spent the past few years being so careful that none of his bandmates discovered the truth about him. What if all that time Lance had been right there, feeling the same way?
Lance. JC had always felt a close bond with him. Suddenly he found himself wondering if maybe there wasn't more to what he was feeling that just a close friendship.
Stirring a little, Lance opened his eyes and found JC looking down at him with a look in his eyes that was similar to the one from the dream. Smiling, Lance reached up and touched the side of JC's face.
"You are so beautiful," Lance murmured, closing his eyes again. After a few seconds he opened them again and saw JC looking down at him in surprise. He pulled his hand away quickly and sat up.
"Oh my God. JC, I'm.... I thought I was..... Oh," Lance had turned a deep shade of red.
"Lance, it's-"
"I'm sorry!" Lance stood up and was past JC and out of the room before he could say another word.
***TBC write to Colby4347@yahoo.com