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The characters in this story are myself ("I") and an amalgam of a few real people ("Paul"). The story begins very close to reality, then veers sharpy towards total fiction. This is what should have, but didn't, happen to me.
My Boy Paul
Last summer, I was a bit down; I had just come out of a fairly serious bout of depression (maybe more on that later, maybe not) and part of my therapy was trying to be more social. My friend Kate was having a birthday party for her girlfriend Julia, so off I went.
I love to cook, and I made a huge bowl of caramel corn to take - partly as a present for Julia, partly as a favour for Kate (she had planned the whole thing quite last-minute, so I knew she could use the help).
Julia's friends are mostly for the college affiliated with the university I attend, so I would never run into them on the streets, and they'd never be in my classes. So I got to meet a bunch of new people. There were a few hippy-types that caught my eye, but I was pretty sure they weren't gay.
I can appreciate physical beauty, but I honestly can't be attracted to straight guys. However, I'm generally bad at recognizing guys in that grey zone between gay-but-straight-acting (whatever straight-acting means) and straight-but-sensitive (as if sensitivity is a quality rare in straight guys). Normally I err on the side of caution - partly because I'm a bit shy, partly because I still feel sometimes like I'm in the closet. Officially, I'm not, but I hate the possibility of someone seeing that I'm checking someone out. I would consider that a bit humiliating, unless I meant for them to see, and that's never happened yet.
In any case, there may have been attractive guys, but I wan't attracted to them. At some point, Mark showed up - now here was a gay guy! He turned out to be super-friendly, and we chatted around the fire for a few hours. While I wan't paying attention, a few other people showed up, some I new, some I didn't. I gave a few hugs to those I knew, and tried to catch everyone else's names as they were introduced.
Paul and his two roommates were among those I hadn't met and they actually were never introduced to me - I just overheard the names from across the fire. Again, Paul was attractive in a very soft, shy way. Actually, he reminded me of me. But if he's not gay, no attraction.
Eventually the conversation moved towards some of the lesbians comparing coming out stories. Paul chimed in, "My mom was totally fine with it, she just said I should 'play safe'."
Instant erection. I swear, I have never gone from near-disinterest to heart-pounding, hand-shaking, head-fogging attraction so quickly. Luckily I was sitting down to save some embarassment, but I stumbled around in the conversation I was having with Mark for a few minutes until I could compose myself. He never figured out what happened, just poked fun: "Is the smoke getting to ya?"
Not smoke, but I was certainly hazy. Not wanting to seem awkward, I hesitated to rush over to chat up Paul. I suppose I was feeling shy too, but I'm embarassed I'm so shy sometimes, so we'll pretend that wasn't it. I delayed about 10 minutes, then excused myself to head inside to the washroom.
I got myself a glass of water (I don't drink), took a quick piss, and headed back outside. Conveniently, Julia had taken over my seat. Not that I minded - this gave me the perfect excuse to talk with Paul.
"Hey, I'm Mike; I don't think we met."
"Paul - you're a friend of Kate's?"
"Yeah, through Julia. Do you go to the college too?"
"No, Dalhousie. I take philosophy and history of science."
"Oh cool! I actually have an amateur interest in the subject; do you know Susan Neiman's work?"
"Oh sure, she's so eloquent and thoughtful! It's really tough to disagree with her," he grinned. I melted - what a perfect smile. Brains and beauty - what more could I ask for? At this point I started to get a bit 'fuller' and looked for a place we could sit.
Towards the back of the yard was a picnic table - nobody was using it because it was a bit far from the fire and anyone sitting there wouldn't be able to join in with those conversations. Which was perfect if you want a bit of privacy.
Over we went, and had a surprisingly easy discussion of the merits of Neiman's argument about belief in God and it's relation to morality. Like Paul said, it's tough to disagree with her, but we both managed to do so in a fairly similar way.
By this point, the night was starting to wrap up.
"I've got to work tomorrow, so I should be off" I began. "But -- I, uhh. I really enjoyed talking with you. I guess we should do this again?" Quickly, I added: "If you're up for it, heh." Lame joke (he can certainly hold his own in any debate!), but an easy way out if he wanted to take it.
Suddenly, he got as shy as I felt. God knows this was outside my normal behviour - and I wasn't the one drinking!
"Uhh, yeah man. Hey - you know I'm gay right?"
"Uhh, yeah."
"Ok, cool. I guess I just... never mind. Can I give you my email? I don't have a phone."
------------------------- | | | Paul -> paulb@xxx.edu | | | -------------------------
I got the slip of paper, and said I'd email in a day or two. I didn't want to seem too eager - like I said, that's embarassing.
We parted ways after saying goodbye to a few friends each.
That night, I turned on the fan in my room - it wasn't hot (in fact, the air made my a bit cool), but I wanted the low noise so I wouldn't be heard. I laid down, and jacked off - one of the orgasms you just can't keep quiet :D