Organization: Geocities
My father's lover
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Chapter 1
The room was very quiet and seemed to be very cold.
There were quite a bit of furniture in this room and it
seemed to be a bedroom. The sun still hadn't come up yet and
it was so gloomy in the room. On the king size bed, there
was a young guy, naked, trying to sleep. Joe had troubles
sleeping lately, and he didn't know what should he blamed
for. His ex, his dad, or himself. If you asked Joe about his
family, he probably said he was from a broken family. His
dad divorced his mom when he was 20. He never understood his
dad but knew his dad didn't love his mom. He never looked
upon to his dad except when he needed money to go to
college. When he met his ex, he thought he was going to be
lucky since he wanted to be loved by another male. Now his
ex was going to leave him and marry a woman. He said it was
so much pressure to be gay and he wanted to be normal, to
have a family.
Joe still loved Paul, his ex, deep down. Every time
when it came to midnight, he would sleep on his bed thinking
about Paul. Thinking about Paul always made Joe's cock
became a hot iron. And then the heat would spread to all his
body, especially his brain. Joe would think of how Paul
touched him, the kiss, and he would never forget the first
time he got a man's mouth encircled his penis. At this
point, Joe would try to stop thinking about Paul. He knew,
better than anyone, if he let his imagination go, he would
realize he wouldn't have Paul anymore. Now Paul maybe doing
the same thing he used to do to him but now to a woman.
Joe still remembered the time he met Paul. They worked
together in a company. They didn't know each other well only
after they had a project together. They also sometime came
across each other in the company's gym. He remembered once
he was taking shower in the locker's room and a guy came to
him and asked for some body shampoo. He remembered what a
beautiful smile that guy had. "Probably you don't know me.
We are on the same project this month. I am Paul." Paul
reached out his hand in the shower. It was so weird to shake
hands in the shower, Joe thought. "I am Joe. So how's the
project goes?" "Not too good. Part of the data we have found
out is incorrect." "Which part?" "The part that is about the
machine code for instruction cx4000." "You must be kidding.
That is the part I am responsible for." "You can wait for
tomorrow to see it for yourself. But it will be too late
then since the project costs 2 million dollars, and the guy
who fuck it up will be really fucked up." Joe didn't say
anything. He never knew he would make such a mistake. Paul
was watching him, smiling. "You are not gay, aren't you?"
"Not I am not." "That's good. I can take you to the office
and we can fix it tonight. I only do this because you are
not gay." They got out of the shower and headed to the
office.
It was very late and no one was in the office. Paul
pointed out the mistake and Joe fixed it immediately. "How
can I thank you, Paul. You save my life." "It is good you
are not gay." Paul said as he put his hand on Joe's face,
caressing slowly. Joe felt so embarrassed. Not because it
was the first time he had a guys' hand on his face, but also
part of his body reacted to this very fast and he didn't
wear his underwear after the shower. Paul easily spotted out
the bulge. "I guess that means yes." Paul turned around,
looking at Joe directly eye to eye. Never had a man looking
at him before, Joe was blushed. "You look so cute when you
are nervous." He said as he kissed him. A woman's kiss and
a man's kiss are different to Joe. When he kissed a woman,
he had to be a good kisser. He would try to impress her.
When a man kissed him, he just be himself, so relaxed. Never
been so closed to another man. Never feel so good to be with
a man. Paul's hands reached to Joe's zipper. When Paul felt
him, Joe almost came. He felt weird but also good. he
remember the time when he let a woman felt him. He didn't
like it. Her hands were cold and she rub him very hard, not
to mention those nails, that it actually hurt him. Paul was
different. Perhaps a guy knows how to handle another guy.
Paul took off Joe's pant, with some help from Joe. Joe's
male symbol sprang out, pointing to Paul's face. It was so
beautiful. It was so big, but not ridiculously big, round,
long, uniformly cylindrical, and pink. It looked as if a
fresh mushroom waiting to be harvested, so fresh, still a
bit wet from the shower but already smell, just a bit, like
a real one. "May I?" Paul asked. Before Joe understood what
Paul really meant, Paul took the mushroom to his mouth and
he decided to savor the taste of Joe's mushroom till the
last drop....
After the "mushroom tasting" incident, Joe and Paul
spent quite a lot of time together. They soon found out they
had many common interests. They both like to work out and it
always claim their minds. They both like going to movies,
and stuffs like that. Sure, there were time they would argue
or want to spend some time alone. They didn't discuss about
commitment but they both knew they would only see each other
exclusively. What is love? No one knows. Could this be love?
One thing they knew was that they wanted to be with each
other, either physically or mentally.
Time pass and now they were living together. They
didn't as aggressive for sex as before. They would be
content even they watched TV together. Well, you never know
what's going on under the blanket with the hands there.
Several months living together and they only had oral sex.
They both new to anal sex and they didn't really want to
experiment it. They both wanted to play it safe. One day, it
was a very hot summer day. The telephone rang and it was for
Paul. The phone call was about his uncle. Paul's parents had
died already and he was very closed to his uncle. Knowing
how important to Paul, they went to the hospital. Despite
the heat of the summer, the hospital was very cold.
Ominously quiet, his uncle lying almost deadly on the bed.
There was no on there except Paul and Joe since his uncle
had no children. He is gay, Paul explained to Joe. Paul
didn't talk much the whole day and Joe didn't know what to
say neither. Joe didn't what was in Paul's mind but he sure
had been shocked by his uncle sudden death. Sitting
together, quite a while, silent, Paul finally spoke. "Fuck
me." "What?" "I said fuck me!" "Paul, you don't mean it. You
are only upset because of your uncle." "Please don't ask. I
just want to feel you inside of me. You are the only one I
want to be inside of me." Joe knew some time men would use
sex as outlet of their anguish and frustration. He knew he
loved the man now more than ever. He knew how making sex,
penetrating him meant much to him. It would be their first
time.
Joe didn't move but Paul already took out the lube.
"Where's the condoms?" Joe asked without much enthusiasm. He
didn't really want to make love to Paul when sex was used to
release anguish, although he had tried it once or several
times. "We both tested HIV negative and we together for over
9 months now. You are not going to tell me you have been
with other guys?" "Paul, you know me now, do you? How could
I cheat on you? I only think we should have safe sex." "Joe,
I want to feel you. The real you, totally." Paul bent down
to kiss Joe. They could kiss for hours if they want to. This
time Paul only kissed him for a while and then he began to
unbutton Joe shirt. Joe's nipples were like roses, sprang
out on his chest and waiting for the rain. Paul carefully
licked each of them, bite them softly until Joe made some
strange noise in his throat. It was not really strange noise
since Paul had heard it many time already. The first time
they made love, Paul thought Joe made too much noise, now he
thought Joe's too quiet. Knowing Joe was really, Paul took
off Joe's pants and began to suck on the Joe. Joe responded
with morning rain on the mushroom. You know, that kind of
water droplet you find on plant if you wake up very early.
Paul began to unfasten his cloth. Joe reached out, kissing
Paul's ears, asked, "You sure?" "Yes, I am sure." "You know
we can always do this later." "I want it tonight." Not yet
finished the talking Paul put his hand on Joe's most
sensitive part of the body and squeezed very hard. "Stop!"
Joe tried to pull himself away but Paul was squeezing him
very hard. "I will stop only if you shut up and do what I
said." "Fuck the hell of you." "That's what I want" Paul
grimed.
Paul lubed Joe up very well that Joe almost came. Then
he carefully rolled up a condom on Joe. They looked at each
other for a while. What's next? They didn't know except they
had heard about it or watched form those movie. Paul put
some lube on Joe's hand and pull Joe hand to his ass. "Paul,
I don't know...." "What, I didn't squeeze you hard enough?"
"Take it, ha.." Joe put his finger into Paul unexpectedly
and Paul whole body shake a bit. "You SOB." "I love you more
than anyone. don't call me that." "You know I don't mean it.
"I know." That night, Joe finally penetrated Paul. He was
surprised how good it felt also he felt sorry for Paul.
After Joe had finished his load inside Paul. Paul pulled out
and went to bathroom. Joe wanted to ask Paul how he felt but
he knew Paul wanted to be alone. They didn't talked the
whole night.
Chapter 2
Morning came, Joe waked up. Facing the half empty house, he
felt even more emptier. Paul left already, for another
woman. They were going to engaged next month. Joe wanted to
go, to go somewhere he could find out why, to find out
reason, to hide, to rest or just be no body at all. Nothing
came to his mind except home. Home? What a funny concept!
Where's home? Suddenly came to his mind was his father's
house. His mother died last year and now his father lived by
himself. He already packed up and he was ready to go. TO go
without the old memory. One thing he should do but he didn't
do was he should called his dad first. Oh well. What the
hack. If his father wouldn't let his only child stay for a
few days, he only always lived in a motel. He decided to
take the morning train. He went to the station early and
there was no one there. He went to the bathroom and saw
there was a man doing something not supposed to do in
public. Normally Joe would just walked away, but this time
he just walked to the urinal and started to relieve himself.
That guy starred at him. Joe knew he had a beautiful cock,
at least that's what Paul told him. "Want a blow job,
buddy?" The stranger asked. Joe was not interested at all.
That guy lean over and tried to kissed Joe's cock but Joe
averted him. While Joe was trying to left, he suddenly
thinking Paul with another woman. Probably Paul had a woman
blow him off. Probably Paul would kiss that woman the way he
used to kiss him and said the same thing when they made
love. He changed his idea. "OK, you can only suck me but
nothing else." That guy didn't hesitate and took that nice
piece of equipment in his mouth. Joe tried to imagine it was
Paul. Joe knew many guys or women would like to serve him
since he was told he had a beautiful cock; however, he
couldn't have Paul. While still trying to imagine Paul, he
felt a hand was moving on his thigh, moving closer to his
balls, then his ass. His ass. He thought of the time he
penetrated Paul. That time he only got the head inside of
Paul but obviously Paul was hurt. "Do you want me to stop?"
"No, sat where you are." "Paul, I don't really want to hurt
you. We don't need this." He was trying to pull out but Paul
suddenly pull himself to Joe and the mushroom entirely
planted inside of Paul. Surprised and hurt, Joe asked, "What
you want to hurt yourself? I had enough. If that is what you
want, take it." He started to push in and out. He was
surprised how good it felt but also how quiet Paul was. He
tried to concentrate the feeling of his dick but he was hurt
to see Paul hurt himself like that. The worst was he
couldn't do anything to help Paul. Now, that stranger's
finger tried to penetrated Joe. "You fucking bastard. I said
you can only suck but nothing else." "What's your problem?
Everyone likes it." "Everyone likes it but no everyone can
do it." Joe left the bathroom and the train came not too
long after. He step in and thought of what was going on. He
remembered he wanted Paul do the same to him the next day.
That day, he cooked some very good dinner and prepared some
expensive condom and lube. He was waiting for Paul to come
home but Paul was late. It was almost night and Paul still
hadn't been home. He started to panic. It had never happened
to him before. He tried to figure who to call , then Paul
opened the door. "Oh, I was worried about you." "So what?"
"What?" "You are not my family. I don't need you." "You are
drunk, Paul." "No, I am not. I want a family and you are
not." "You are only a faggot. Faggot has no family. I want
to have kids and a wife." "What are you talking about?" "See
my uncle. He is gay and he has a lover, but what? Now he
died lonely in the hospital and I don't want to be like
him." "I am your family." "Not you are not. I mean normal
family. Kids, wife, you know." "You crazy. Normal family? Me
abnormal? I have got some thing maybe after you have fun
with me you will forget it. I know you have been stressed
lately." Paul looked at the table and the condoms and he
understood what Joe meant. Joe reached out his hand and felt
Paul. He tried to turn him on by rubbing it and Paul began
to grow in Joe's hands. Paul took his hand away. "I ain't
going to score with you faggot. I am leaving now." "Where
you are going? What's wrong with being in home?" "Bye now."
Paul left and he never came back. Only a few days ago he
received the invitation to his engagement party. His eyes
were wet and he didn't know what to do. He knew Paul was
hurt and confused and he wanted to help but he didn't know
how to help. He was so powerless. Would Paul be happier with
a woman than with him? What happen if Paul was right about
family? Too much thinking he didn't realize the train had
come to the station. He got off and looked around. Nothing
had changed much. It was still a small town with only a few
hundred people. His house was not far away form the station.
Joe decided to walk home. While walking, he thought the way
his dad treated his family. He was not nice but he never hit
him or anything. He was only very cold to his family. Joe
never understood why. His mother was a very beautiful woman
and he himself was a very good student.
The house looked as if it was yesterday. Joe peeped at
the windows and found out nothing much had changed except he
didn't see any of his mother's picture. He still got the key
but he didn't know would it still work or not. Well, why not
try it. The key worked and he stepped into slowly. He could
hear some snoring from the bedroom. The familiar voice was
like an old friend. He remembered how hard time he had when
he tried to sleep when he was young because of his dad's
snoring. HE almost could smell the old memory. He stepped
into the bedroom and saw his dad, an old man, half naked,
sleeping on the bed. He still looked the same except he had
more white hairs. He looked so content. It was hard to
imagine how would a man so innocent would divorce his mom.
Something beside his dad had caught his attention. There was
another person, sleeping half naked. Totally there were two
person in the bed. One was his parent and the other was not.
To his surprise, he was a guy about his dad's age. The idea
that his dad was gay never came to his mind. How came? Isn't
gay people can tell who's gay and who's not? He closed the
door slowly and went to the neighbor house to borrow the
telephone. His dad answered the phone. "Who's this?" "It's
me, Joe." "Where are you? What the hell you call so early?"
"It is 9:30 am already." "I thought you won't call me long
distance." "I am not. It is a local call." "Where are you?
"I am right outside the house." "Why don't you come on in?"
"I don't have the key." Joe decided a little lie was not
going to be a big deal.
Chapter 3
He walked in and the house seemed to be quiet. "This is my
roomie, Pat. Oh, I mean Patrick." Joe's dad said with a bit
hesitation. "HI, Patrick, how are you?" Patrick had just
woke up and he said very slowly, "Nice to meet you, Joe. I
have heard a lot about you from your dad." "Funny, my dad
never tell any one about his family." "Joe, come to the
living room and have a seat. I have something to tell you."
All three of them walked to the living room. The time they
walked form the door to the living room seemed to be longer
than it was. "You are right. Your dad never talk about
family to other people except to family." Joe's dad put his
hand on Patrick's thigh, and Joe's dad said, "We are
lovers." Joe didn't say anything, just be very quiet. "I
have no problems with that. Could I still have my room?"
"Your room is now the guest room. It is still early. Why
don't we have breakfast.?" "No thanks, dad. I want to walk
around." "OK, if you wish." Joe didn't wait his father had
finished and he walked outside. HE never thought of his dad
being gay. If they could talked about it a few years ago,
things would be a lot better, he thought. He came to a pond
where he used to come often when he was young. He remembered
once his dad accused of him doing thing he didn't really do.
His dad hit him and he ran to the pond until his dad came
and apologized. Every time when he felt depressed or angry,
he would come to this pond. Looking at the unlimited, all
the anguish seemed to be washed away. If I was as "wide-
minded" as the sky, I would have no trouble, he told
himself. He noticed there was a reflection of another guy on
the water. It was his dad. "Hi, young man. What's going on?"
Joe didn't said anything. He just starred at the water for a
about an minute. He finally spoke, "Dad, why didn't you tell
me you are gay?" "You didn't tell me either." Joe was
shocked. He thought no one in his family knew. "I knew you
were gay when you were very young. Gay men always have a way
to tell if another man is gay or not. They call it GAYDAR,
right? Ha..." "Why did you say anything about it, dad?" "I
was very frustrated when I realized you were gay. I thought
it was my fault that you are gay because you are my son. I
kept thinking where has gone wrong. Then I told myself it
must be my sin. I tried to cover my past by marrying your
mother. I thought a good woman is all it takes for a gay man
to be straight. I felt so guilty every time I found you
looking at other guys." "Dad...." "I was going to give up my
straight life since it was totally a failure. Your mother is
a nice woman but I could never be closed t her. I haven't
hurt your mother, and Patrick." Joe lift up his head and
looked at his dad. He noticed his dad's eyes were wet. "I
met Patrick before your mom. We were love at first sight. We
had stayed together for about 5 yrs. Then there was a
promotion in my company but the company only expected
married people to be promoted. I was desperate. I thought I
had no future being gay. All my friends and co-workers have
kids and wives. I told myself I wanted to be liked everybody
else. I left Pat and I then I married your mom. It was a big
mistake in my life." Joe began to find himself see things
very blurry. His eyes were wet too. "Dad, I have to tell you
something. About a few years ago, I met a wonderful guy
named Paul. We were very closed together...." "What do you
mean by `We were'?" "He left me for another woman." "Son, I
am sorry." "I want to go some where but I have no idea in my
mind except home." "You know you can always come back if you
want to." His dad reached out his arms and hugged Joe. It
was the first time Joe felt so closed to another man. It was
nothing sexual but emotional. He suddenly understood his
dad. Joe lay his head on his dad's chest and his head
brushed Joe's hair with his hands. "I guess I know what
should I do." "....." "I love Paul and I at least have to
let him know I love him." Joe stood up. "We'd better go or
Patrick may get jealous. He may think we have those gay
father-son scene." "Ha...." His dad pinched Joe's butt
suddenly. "Dad!" "just kidding. Paul is a lucky man." "And
so is Patrick." They walked back to the house. Patrick was
standing by the door. "Hey, breakfast is ready. Mr. and Mr.
Green." "Thanks Mr. green" Joe said. "Hey, I am not Mr.
Green I am Mr. Johnson-Green." "OK. But I guess I am not
going to have breakfast." "Where you are going now, son?" "I
want to catch the next train back to where I live. I have
something to tell Paul." "Go, son. Do what you need to do. I
am proud of you." "Thanks dad. And nice meeting you,
Patrick. Oh, don't let this old man need any young guy. He
may touch their butts!" "What do you mean?" "Like this" Joe
said as he pinched his Dad's butt. "Ha... Got you. I have to
go." "Bye."
Both Patrick and Joe's dad standing by the door, looking at
Joe until they couldn't see Joe anymore. They both knew Joe
was going to face something very hard.
Chapter 4
It was about 6 PM the time he got home. There were many good
looking guys in their suit walking everywhere but he didn't
pay much attention. He was thinking what should he told Paul
but he decided he would say anything that came to his mind
when he saw Paul. He took a shower and then took off. It was
now almost 8pm and he was now standing at the door of Paul's
apartment. He rang the bell. "Who's this?" A familiar voice
yelled out from the apartment. "It's me, Joe." "Go away." "I
have to talk to you." He waited for a awhile then Paul
opened the door, only larger enough to talk but not large
enough for Joe to come in. "I have guest here. Go home."
Paul had changed a lot. He remembered how happy Paul would
when Paul saw him. He already made up his mind. "I have just
visited my dad." "Is he doing OK?" Paul knew about Joe's
family. His voice softened. "He is doing very well. I found
out he and gay today." "What? Your mean daddy is gay." "He
is not mean after all. I understand now. He is now living
with a guy named Patrick. They used to be lovers and my dad
had left him and married my mom. He had regretted all his
life and now he is doing what he likes the best: be
himself." "Joe you don't understand. I am not your dad. I
know what I want and you can't give me." "Paul, I can't
borne you kids and I know you are too shameful to talk about
me with your co-workers. I just want you to know I love
you." "I love you too but life is not easy. I..ah... I am
going to get marry next month." "I know and that's why I try
to stop you. You will regret." "No I don't." "You are
hurting you, me and your wife-to-be. Three persons at the
same time. Do you know that?" Paul didn't answered. Then he
looked into Joe. He kissed Joe. "Sorry, I am too chicken. I
can't be gay." "You are who you are. No one is perfect but
we sure can make each other happier." "I just want to settle
down." "You can never settle down if you don't have what
your heart really wants." "I know what I want." A voice
yelled out from the apartment. It was a female voice,
"What's going on, Paul?" "Nothing, Pat. Nothing." "Could I
at least come in and see Pat?" "No, you can't" "Please..."
Pat at time was walking to the door. "Who's he, Paul?" "It
is my friend, Joe." "Why don't you let him in?" Joe looked
at Pat for a while. She was a very beautiful woman. Joe then
looked at Paul. His eyes were so watery. he knew he had to
go or he would cry before Pat and Paul. "You are a luck man"
Joe said and he left.
Sleeping on his bed alone again. He kept thinking about his
dad, Patrick, and Paul. There was nothing he could do. The
telephone rang and it was his dad. He didn't pick up the
telephone and let the answering machine talk to his dad.
Tired, he wanted to sleep but he couldn't. He remembered
there was some sine in the kitchen. He normally didn't drink
since he was very allergic to alcohol. Anyway, he got up to
the kitchen and open the cabinet looking for the wine but it
had disappeared. "Don't drink if you can't drink." a voice
came from the living room. There was a man sitting by the TV
drinking from the bottle. It was Paul. "What are you doing
here?" "It Pat. She left me" "Why?" "She said she can't
trust me anymore." "Why?" " She said when she saw me looking
at you. She said she had never seen me looking at any one,
even her, like that before. She said she knew I would
regret." "So what are you doing here? She dumped you and now
you tried to get back to me?" "No." He weep. "Sorry, I am so
weak. I really don't want to be gay. I love you but I am so
weak that I can't face other people." "Yes, you are a weak
bitch." Joe took away the bottle and started to drink some.
"Neither Pat nor I know why we wanted to get married. She
wants to get married because she wants to settle down and
she thinks I have a nice job. I want to get married because
I thought it is what a man should do." "Not always. We are
different." "Forgive me, Joe. I do love you and I know you
are the world to me. Pat is right. You are right. I don't
know what I really want and I try to make myself happy with
something I don't really want to." Paul said as he laid his
head on Joe's chest. "It is all right. I was weak, too. I
thought I could not give you what a woman could give you and
I wanted to quit. I didn't think of the real you. I should
know you were struggling with yourself." "No, you are not
weak." Paul kissed on Joe's lips softly. "Don't say it
again." "The time when I was inside you. I didn't really
want to do that. But I can tell you I was inside you not
just physically but not spiritually. I know you from the
heart." "I want to know you ,too. "What do you mean?" "I
hope the alcohol makes you more relaxed."....
[Next morning]
"Morning honey. How are you?" Paul said as he kissed Joe's
forehead softly. "It hurt." "Tell me about it." "I guess we
are even." "Ha...." there were laughter in the house and the
sun came up again. They still didn't know what love is but
they knew it didn't matter as long as they had each other.