This is a continuation of the previous story about the gorgeous McElroy. This stunning man I had worked with sometime back. He works in distribution at the place I worked for several years. He is tall, blonde and has a magnificent body. Its all based off a great blowjob this God allowed me to give him back when I was there. The rest is juts fantasy for a man I had fallen in lust for. As he is married with kids. And there is obviously no likelihood I could ever have something serious or permanent with this man.
But do enjoy the tale... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Man McElroy (McElroy's Test (16)
... I swore off relationship again. After Chris once again failed me in his commitment to me. Telling me he needed to figure his 'shit' out. I told him to go, to just leave me be once and for all. That I wanted never to see him again. His betrayal if my feelings did destroy me though. For I could still not deal with a live I had that would not be returned. A Love that I had collected from those incredible times he and I had had. So yes my heart was shattered. And I felt this time, this time I would never recover. Lisa had to work hard to try and get me out of my depression now. Always watching me to make sure I did not try something foolish. Holding me when I would just burst into sobs. I can say that I thought that death would be greater than this pain that was all consuming. That an end to end my suffering would be easier. But I was not allowed to do it.
"Please. Just leave me alone today" I would say to her every day "Please." "Fuck no!" She stated "I am not leaving you to your mind"
Sometimes I was better. Venturing out to get stuff done other than work. Getting out to eat and or even out to drink with her. Just to try and return to a normal. And I did appreciate my job more than ever now. Keeping me busy during the day so I didn't have to concentrate on anything other than that. My boss giving every extra project I could handle. But still when I was alone all I thought of was him. Chris. I could not stop my want for this gorgeous man. Even if it was so shitty what he put me through, yet again. But other than what little I did outside my home. I would always just come straight home and close the door and avoid people to be alone. Totally alone.
"I guess that is what I should be" I said to myself "I guess I am not meant for love or happiness"
That was my supposition. That I was meant for a lonely life. For I would not find anyone that made me feel as Chris did. To all extremes he had the most powerful effect on me.
But then as I felt I would only be alone. Many many months after our last conversation, he called me. Yes Chris called me. Shock and disbelief washed over me as I picked up the phone to see it was him.
"Hi" came the voice on the line "Chris?" I asked oddly. Even though I knew it was him
"What are you doing calling?"
There was a pause and then he spoke again. Saying he wanted to see how I was doing. And that he missed me. For a moment I was angry. I sharply said that he wanted to 'figure shit out', and he had not called my in ages. So why was he now.
"I don't understand" I huffed "You want space and then forget I exist.." "Again.." I added louder "And i am left with a broken heart"
I then felt myself start to get emotional. A quiver in my voice for a possible blow up of tears again. Thinking that this guy was just trying to torture me. To bring me to the brink of madness that he probably knew he could control. But as he herald my voice crack, Chris apologized. Saying how sorry he was that he had hurt me. That it was never his intention to do so.
"I love you" he said again "I am just pretty fucked up right now" "I am supposed to be straight. Supposed to be a man's man" "But women are such a dread to me. All they do is manipulate men. Confuse them"
I wanted to say something in the same veil to him. For he was doing the same to me. Making me crazy with emotions for him. Love, anger, pain, hate, despair. All these all at once bombarding my skull. Making it hard do focus on much more than all the wretched emotions flooding me at once. But I stayed quiet and let him speak. His voice alone having a calming effect on me. I could not help how I felt, could not stop it. No matter what I tried. All I wanted in my life was Chris. And it may kill me but that was the outright truth.
"But my feelings for you.." he continued "You are the best thing that I have had in my life" "And all I can do is fuck that up too"
He started to say that it was why his ex wife left him. 'no man enough' for her. That he was the cause of all things bad with people.
"I am sure my daughter will hate me too" he the said
I sighed as I didn't want him to hate himself for all this shit. That he was not the cause of his failed marriage. His wife was a bitch and I hated her. Him I did not, so he was not the problem. So I tried to make light of it all. Telling him he was not to blame. That it was just life testing him, testing his resolve. And mine as well. For I too was dealing with the crazy fucked up shit life threw at me. That we were two in the same messed up pond. And that why we belonged together. Or at least I hoped it would come off that way to him
"You and I my love" I started "We are the ones that have to push back at the shit life throws our way" "People that aren't worthy of us" "True" he answered back "Unhappiness and misery seem to just fall on us" "So we are the same. You know?"
I stopped and waited for him to speak again.
"I know baby" he then said "But I had you. The only good thing I have found in life " "But I fucked it all up." "And I am so sorry I hurt you" "So fucking sorry"
He started to sob a bit in the line. The gorgeous man's voice cracking. I made me sad for all I wanted to do was hold him and just rock back and forth with him. Letting him know I was still here.
"So what happen"? I finally asked.
Again a pause. Then I heard a deep breath from him. A deep sigh and breath to collect himself.
"You are right" he said "People do suck. And all there is is us" "All there is is you" "I want you to forgive me and please take me back" "I love you and won't hurt you again" "I promise"
I stopped him. I did not want him to promise anything that no one could promise. And I told him that. I told him that we did not know what shit life would still fling at us. 'like a monkey tossing crap at you' I stated. So he should not do that. I knew I could not. For even though I lived him more than life itself. Would I one day resent home for what he had put me through. Something I could never answer as my mind was set on the today, not the tomorrow
"It's okay" I finally said "I am not angry with you" "I just figured you did not want me" "Like everyone else in my life"
Then after a moment of silence he asked if he could come over. That he wanted to see me again.
"Is that okay?" He asked
I sighed as I thought of it. Thought of him seated next to me again. I wanted to touch his beautiful face again. I wanted to kiss his lips again. So I said okay to him. Because I could not say no.
"Okay" I replied... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ To be continued