DISCLAIMER: This story is based in truth. Some events/persons have been altered for the purpose of the story. There may be scenes of unsafe practices which are not endorsed by this author. All other usual warnings and precautions should be considered here. Feel free to write with any comments, corrections, etc. Think of this as a Gedankenexperiment.
If I have learned one thing in my life it's that you will never expect what life throws at you. When you make a decision you just need to stick with it. If a moment presents itself, seize it.
My junior year of college was really one of transformation. I had officially changed my major from political science to mathematics. College is truly a place for experimentation and discovery, who knew my interest and general passion for math was so strong? I was finally living off campus with two guys I knew since my freshman year. My first two years were behind me and I was on my way to becoming a real, functioning, adult.
The one thing that wasn't changing was my sexuality. I had always just accepted that I was bi, girls interested me and I confirmed it. However, I also had no trouble becoming aroused around guys too, and maybe I would confirm that as well. This is the journey I will be recounting, the one to which I had always said, never.
Autumn in New England, specifically September. When you are that far up in the Northeast, summer only lasts three months. Moving in to my new apartment with my roommates Kyle and Lex went off without much of a hitch. Between the three of us we had enough furniture and supplies to stock our kitchen and make the moderately sized living space habitable. My room was pretty sparsely furnished, I had my bed in one corner, a desk, a fan, and a lamp. The walls of my room were barren save for a mega-man poster, I am a sucker for retro video games. When unpacking was through with that Saturday evening the three of us made some dinner and soon enough paid a visit to the bars in town, luckily we were all 21 by this point.
Now my roommates were more than just that to me, they were my closest friends at school. I had no problem checking them out, let's face it Lex is pretty good looking, but I would never consider doing anything with them. No one even knew I had a thing for guys, and as far as I was concerned they never would.
The bars were pretty well populated for 10:15 on a night before classes even officially began. We stopped in to what would soon become our regular bar, Blue's Bar, or "Blue's" for short.
"Crowded in here," Lex said as the bouncer handed my I.D. back to me.
"Yeah and loud," I replied.
"What?" Kyle half-shouted as he turned towards us, Lex and I both laughed at that.
Honestly the three of us were quite an odd bunch. Lex was definitely the best looking, mostly due to how active he kept himself. He was 6'1" and very toned, his hair was a cropped jet-black epitome of order. Somehow he always knew exactly which clothes would fit him perfectly and he had no problem being able to present himself for any occasion. Surprisingly, someone as good-looking and put together as Lex was not at all vain or shallow, or a douche for that matter. This brings us to the slightly naive but always enjoyable Kyle. He was 5'11" and definitely took care of himself, but not to the degree that Lex did. Kyle's hair and general style was leaning a bit more to the messier side of things, his hair was a dark honey color and fell to about the tops of his ears. He wasn't a slob, but when it came to clothing he tended to prefer basketball shorts and t-shirts to most other alternatives. Finally there's me. I was 6'0" and was toned but I was also thinner than both Lex and Kyle, in fact I was told my entire life that I was slim. I view my appearance as an outward expression of my true self so I was always experimenting with things. Now I wasn't the stereotypical fashion expert, but I liked being able to look a little different in a good way. My hair was a dark brown which I liked to keep longer on the top and shorten the sides, in fact I had to switch barbers just to get this haircut down perfectly.
"So what are we drinking?" Kyle asked as we finally secured a space at the bar.
"Rum and coke," I handed Kyle three dollars.
"Gin and tonic," Lex handed over his money as well.
"Didn't know I was out with my grandparents," Kyle grabbed the money from the both of us and turned to get the attention of the milling bartender.
"A gin and tonic is a respectable drink," Lex felt the need to defend his choice, I could not care less.
One character flaw to note about myself is that I have an almost inherent indifference or "hate" towards almost anything and anyone. Most people find it entertaining, but I think it is just because I have a borderline authoritarian, social-Darwinist, OCD vision of how the world should be.
While waiting for Kyle to get the drinks I was aimlessly scoping around the bar for nothing in particular. Most things in the bar were blue in accordance with the name of the establishment. While scanning a crowd near a particularly interesting blue table I noticed that this one guy standing there was very compelling to me but I couldn't quite figure out why. Sure I had been attracted to some guys before but it was mostly a physical thing since I never had an actual human relationship with any of them. However this guy was different.
He had on some dark blue jeans, I assumed raw, a burgundy V-neck, a pair of desert boots and unique half-frame glasses. His dark brown hair was styled similarly to mine but much shorter on the sides and top. I estimated his height to be about 5'10" and while my description makes him sound like some hip rage-against-the-mainstream individual he was certainly built like he went to the gym or participated in some sport. Plus, his friends were a few guys and girls from our school swimming team. He turned his head and I could have sworn we made eye contact for a split second, but then Kyle was in front of me sloshing a glass of rum and coke towards me.
"Here ya go spacey," he mocked.
"Oh yeah thanks," I replied.
The rest of that night mostly involved three intoxicated friends who were looking forwards to a semester's worth of excitement, and who were at the same time dreading all the work ahead. It was impossible for me to get the image of that guy out of my head, but I thought that he would remain just that, and never become anything else.
As it turns out I had thought wrong. After my classes of elementary linear algebra and discrete mathematics I decided to visit the library, because, why not finish my homework while I'm still on campus? I had my headphones on listening to my "Nu Disco" playlist while I looked around for somewhere to sit. To my surprise there were quite a few occupied tables and I had to move towards the back area to finally secure a seat. I sat at the outside corner of an empty table where the seats were separated by low dividers on the table.
I broke out some math homework and was lightly bopping along to my music when I noticed that two tables ahead of me was the guy from Blue's. Now this development had me thoroughly distracted from my homework. Immediately I went to gathering as much information as I could even though my hearing was virtually useless. He was wearing some flat-front khaki shorts which stopped just above his knee and a short sleeve pale blue button-down shirt. I gathered he was working on something as he had his laptop open on the table. Another thing to note was that he was not alone. He was sitting next to another guy who had a green marlins swim team t-shirt on. The two of them seemed pretty close as they frequently touched each other's shoulder or arm or whatever.
My eyes continued to flick back and forth between homework and the two guys, mainly focusing on the guys. Then as I let my gaze settle on them for a little too long the friend made eye contact with me and I immediately looked away. At this point I decided to try and do some homework to avoid embarrassing myself before the academic year had even really begun. Plus, what was I hoping to gather from stalking these two guys?
As I puzzled over a permutation of some kind I noticed that the guy from Blue's was packing up to leave the library. For some reason I felt a little disappointed by his imminent departure. Well I decided that I could at least finish up my problems and head home. The guy was walking in my direction now and I was determined to stay focused on my homework and not make awkward eye contact. Just as he was about to pass me he knelt down, and now I was getting nervous at this abrupt stop. If he were talking to me or doing anything other than what I assumed was tying his shoe down there I had no idea since I couldn't hear anything or see under the table. A few moments later he popped back up and walked away. I looked up to where the friend was to see that he was looking at me, so I resumed my homework with the hopes of finishing quickly.
About an hour later I was unlocking the door to my apartment after an interesting session at the library. I walked past the kitchen where Kyle was cooking something. As I was heading down the hall to my room I felt someone grab my shoulder from behind and pull my headphones down to around my neck.
"Hello! I was trying to talk with you," Kyle turned me about to face him.
"Oh sorry I was just listening to something," I turned the music off.
"So how was the library?" Kyle inquired as he pointed a spatula at my face.
"It was fine, boring really. Are you burning something?" the apartment suddenly started smelling a little smoky.
"Ah shit," Kyle hurried back to his cooking but not before shouting, "Your backpack is open by the way."
This was weird, I never leave my backpack open and I could have sworn I zipped it up when I put my books away. I went into my room and set my backpack and headphones on my bed. The main pouch was closed, but one of the top pockets where I kept my pencils and a spoon was open. My reason for keeping a spoon was that I frequently brought yogurt or other such spoonable foods over to campus. As I rifled through the pouch nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but then I came across an index card. There was no reason to be making study cards this early in the year so I had certainly not placed that there. I removed the foreign card and inspected it.
"Coleton, (Phone #), P.S. Nice Spoon"
Could this have been what that guy was doing at the library? Why would he give me his phone number? Wasn't that "friend" of his more than just that? Why was I even thinking of these things? For now I decided it would be best to just put the card in my desk drawer and forget about it. To take my mind off of things I went in to inspect the culinary mastery that Kyle was clearly demonstrating earlier.
"How's cooking coming along?" I inquired as I took a seat at the table next to Kyle.
"Great I guess, I made grilled cheese," indeed he had made grilled cheese and was enjoying it.
A few minutes more of idle chatting passed between Kyle and I before Lex entered the apartment. He was dressed to capitalize on the last few days of warm weather we had left; a sort of Aztec print tank-top and shorts with low vans. I gathered he was also looking to show off a little to any of the new students.
"So we up for the bars tonight?" Lex asked as he took a seat.
"Didn't know I was living with an alcoholic," I replied.
"Kyle do you have something to tell us?" Lex joked, Kyle was too busy eating his sandwich and merely gave a thumbs up.
"It's a Monday," I said, I thought I would never be caught out drunk on a Monday.
"It's syllabus week. You can't pass up $1 drafts. Come on, you probably finished your homework already anyway," Lex smirked, how could I say no at this point.
"Alright fine," I conceded and went looking for something to cook up for dinner.
At this point I seem like a real downer, and let's face it I was. By the end of that semester though I was the one dragging Lex out to the bar and while I still claimed to "hate" most things, I really was enjoying myself. ------- I could not believe that I would be drinking as much as I did on a Monday night. Partly it was because Lex had no trouble convincing me of the one hundred and one reasons why this week didn't really count, another part of me just wanted to experiment. I was not drunk to the point of sickness or injury, but people were telling me how different I seemed since I was smiling so much. I honestly don't remember most of what happened at the bar, or maybe it was bars.
The next morning I remember very clearly. My clothes were all neatly put away in my closet, but I woke up in only my underwear. What woke me up was my phone vibrating next to me alerting me to some text message or email. Luckily I didn't feel hungover or nauseous as I did have class at 11. I checked the current time on my phone and luckily it was only 9:30 which would give me enough time to get ready for class.
There was one thing I had to take care of before I decided to check the notification on my phone. I was certainly a morning person when it came to getting off and this particular morning I really needed a release. Already I could feel that I was pretty hard so I removed my underwear and sheets to start working on myself. I hadn't really seen many other dicks to know how mine sized up but I figured seven inches was pretty respectable. There was one incident when I accidentally bumped into Lex as he was coming out of the shower and I would say his was about the same size.
As I was getting myself off my thoughts started to shift to thinking about that guy again and his friend. But since I was so hopped up on lust I just imagined myself undressing him and having him suck me off. Don't get me wrong, I would have definitely explored that body given the chance, but this was my fantasy. My pace was picking up and I could feel that I was really starting to get my hips into it as well. For whatever reason this guy really was getting me excited. I just pictured being able to run my hands through that hair as he worked on my dick. Sure enough I started cumming myself and my legs shook at the force of my orgasm. When I finally settled down I cleaned myself off and threw my underwear in my hamper.
Now it was time to check what my phone was alerting me to. There was a text message waiting from an unknown number which was received at 2:37AM this morning. Wow I must have been up pretty late. Then I noticed there was a whole conversation with this number:
Me: Hey.
#: Hey, who is this?
Me: Do you always tie your shoe underneath tables?
#: Who is this, it's late.
Me: But you weren't really tying your shoe. And you have that friend. From the library.
#: Oh wait, is this Spoons?
Me: Spoons? No I just have one. This is Lucas.
Cole: Oh hey so Spoons' name is Lucas, I'm Cole.
Me: Yes your card said that. So why are you following me?
Cole: Umm you're following me.
Me: I am not. I was at the library first. You sir are a follower.
Cole: Spoons I think you are drunk.
Me: I think so too, but I am not a spoon.
Cole: Haha ok well maybe text me when you're sober, I think I would like that better.
Me: But I am sober.
Cole: Goodnight.
This couldn't be happening. This could never really happen. But it had happened, and well maybe I wanted it to. Then I did something I had never thought I would, I texted Cole back.
Me: So, I'm sober now.
Cole: Haha good, maybe now we can have a real conversation.
Me: Well maybe we shouldn't just be texting.
Cole: Alright do you want to meet at Coffee Hawse then?
Me: I have class until 1:30.
Cole: 1:45 it is then.
I couldn't believe this was really happening. Was I just asked out on a date? With a guy? No this was more of getting an understanding of why this guy, Cole, was following me around. I decided that now it would just be best to get showered and dressed before class. After I was dressed I contemplated my existence over a bowl of frosted flakes when Kyle wandered in wearing a pair of dark green boxers.
"Good morning sir," Kyle said almost half-consciously.
"Are you even awake yet?" I asked before finishing my cereal.
"Yeah I'm awake, and I'm going to make eggs," Kyle began gathering up supplies for his breakfast.
I could definitely tell that I was in a guy sort of mood lately as I found myself checking out Kyle as he began cooking his eggs. His arms and chest were pretty powerful and looked bigger than Lex's muscles, however his stomach was a bit round whereas Lex had a visible set of abs. I had to fight myself to think of something else before the sight of my basically naked friend turned me on. Even though it was only 10:20 I decided to gather my things and head over to campus, a walk on such a nice day wouldn't hurt.
I was distracted, to say the least, in both of my classes. The impending meeting I had with Cole had a million and one questions running through my mind. I doubted everything from my sexuality to my whole life's existence. If I went ahead with this, did it mean that everything else I have done has just been a lie thrown out the window? Then of course I would berate myself for trying to make up some sort of excuse. What if I was going to miss something great? What if he just wanted to be friends and I was over analyzing the whole thing?
Finally at 1:40 I found myself sitting at the coffee place in front of a medium black coffee with a little milk. If I am going to drink coffee, dammit I am going to drink the real thing. I tried not to notice when I saw Cole walk in, my feigned interest in my coffee probably looked stupid.
"Hey, so you made it," Cole gave a smile and set his thing down, he had a bit more stubble on his face than I had remembered, but in that moment I thought to myself that he looked cute.
"Yeah, so I did. The coffee is good here," I made my best attempt at starting a conversation.
"It's decent. How do you usually take yours?" Cole sat down.
"Black. Sometimes with some milk," I sipped on the coffee.
"So you're a no bullshit kinda guy I take it?" Cole laughed a little.
"Yup. I don't take any bullshit. Did you have class today?" I could tell this coffee discussion was going to make me seem even more calculating and less human than I was already acting.
"Analytical physics and calculus II."
"I'm going to guess you are a physics major then," it seemed logical.
"Yeah, I might switch to engineering though. We'll see how everything shapes up. What are you studying?" Cole asked.
"Math, numbers are the greatest," I really did enjoy math.
"Yeah they're nice. I'm going to grab a coffee," Cole got up and went to order a drink.
At this point I thought I would have to talk about something other than coffee or numbers. While Cole apparently thought I was interesting enough to get his number, I don't think these topics of conversation appealed to normal people.
"So are you on the swim team?" I asked when Cole got back, maybe we could get to the bottom of his "friend" situation.
"Why do you ask?"
"Well your friend at the library had some swim team shirt on."
"Couldn't keep your eyes away?" Cole smiled after making that jab.
"It's not that, well, I was just asking," now he had succeeded at making me feel stupid.
"I'm not on the swim team, but my friend from high school, the one you saw in the library, he is" Cole drank some of his coffee.
"That makes sense."
"So, what else did you manage to deduce during your creep session in the library," another smile, he really enjoyed tormenting me.
"I was not creeping, you were sitting in front of me. I noticed you were working on something for what I thought was a math class and what I can probably assume now is for your calc class," does it really matter that I liked to be very observant?
"You know, it's kind of cute when you start to get defensive and frustrated," Cole sipped on more of his coffee.
"Thanks," how was I supposed to reply to something like that?
At this point I didn't doubt that Cole was hitting on me and he was at least bi. I had never been in a situation like this and honestly had no idea how to respond. I guess I kind of wanted to compliment him back, but I couldn't really think of a way how. So, I went with what I knew best, calculatingly brutal honesty.
"So what does this mean?" I asked.
"What?"
"You know, this encounter or whatever we are having. You're following me around and giving me some note and I don't know," I was getting a little worked up but I didn't let that show at all, masking my emotions was basically a passive skill at this point.
Cole laughed and then replied, "Well I was hoping that this encounter meant that maybe you were interested in seeing me again, and possibly this time actually talking to me."
Curse him for having such a good response, and did he even have to think before he said it? But he had a valid point, by accepting to meet him I guess I was interested in him.
"Yes," that was my best response, affirmation masked in ambiguity.
"Yes what? Yes that you wanted to talk or yes that you were interested in seeing me?"
"Yes both. Yes I am interested in you and yes I wanted to talk," well I guess I did just say that.
"You know, you are a bit more complicated than I thought," Cole laughed, "Can I ask you one thing?"
"Fine."
"What were you listening to in the library that you were moving around so much?"
"Well it was a playlist of modern music influenced by disco, most of it was Daft Punk," I took my musical interests very seriously.
"Can I ask you one more thing?"
"Why not."
"Do you want to get dinner tomorrow?"
"Sure," and then Cole collected his things and left.