DISCLAIMER: This story is based in truth. Some events/persons have been altered for the purpose of the story. There may be scenes of unsafe practices which are not endorsed by this author. All other usual warnings and precautions should be considered here. Feel free to write with any comments, corrections, etc. Think of this as a Gedankenexperiment. And remember to donate to Nifty to support all of these great stories.
Change is the most difficult thing to bring about. Once someone has formulated a belief or opinion on a certain topic it is nearly impossible to change their mind. The act of changing someone's belief implies that you must also destroy their current belief. Shattering opinions and ideals is never an easy task. Building new ones is even more difficult if you were the one who razed them in the first place.
October sixth was the first truly cold day at school. The forecast was for forty-two degrees, but as Cole and I ate breakfast that morning it was hovering around thirty-five degrees. I was cold and physically shaking, but not Cole. He still seemed to be warm and none too bothered by the cold. However, I suspected that he was shaking, just not visibly.
"How're you feeling this morning?" I asked while pushing a piece of scrambled egg around my plate.
"Good," Cole was done eating.
"Still up for our date?" my plan depended on the fact that he would still want to do something.
"Yeah sure," it was obvious he was still a little unsettled.
Cole sat across the table in a black tank-top and grey sweatpants. He had already tended to his hair and donned his glasses. From an observational standpoint he was perfectly put together. But it was the way he acted that told me something was still not quite right. He wasn't smiling as often and there was a quality absent from his voice that I had grown used to. At this point I was afraid that I had broken Cole, my Cole. Could his psyche have been held together by the idea to never let his guard down? Did that forced revelation cause a rupture somewhere in his soul?
"Do you think it would be alright if I invited Lex and his girlfriend Alyssa?" there was my proposal.
"Yeah, but why do you want to invite them?" Cole did not sound entirely open to the idea.
"I think it could be interesting. Plus you would like both of them. I think you and Lex could get along well if you got to know each other more," it was true, Lex and Cole were more alike than they both knew.
Both Lex and Cole functioned in similar ways. Each of them depended on personality and confidence to function. Admittedly, Cole's confidence was slightly fabricated to hide an insecurity. It might have been for the fact that Lex was heterosexual that his confidence seemed so genuine. Each of them was able to artfully craft and manipulate whatever social encounter they were a part of. They both also enjoyed activities which could be deemed borderline dangerous or unacceptable. Neither of them were quite thrill seekers or adrenaline-junkies, but they weren't afraid of experimenting.
"Alright, looking forward to it then. Are we still on for bowling?" Cole asked.
"Sure, we can meet up at my apartment at 4 and then head over," I suggested.
"Sounds like a plan then," Cole got up to start washing dishes.
"I think I'll head out now though. I want to change, it's freezing today," I shivered and got up.
The walk back was truly cold. A dry air had settled itself over the area and each breath was a frigid bite in my lungs. I couldn't wait to be back at my apartment. Even though I hated the cold so much I had come to accept it as part of my way of life. I wouldn't be me if it weren't for this weather. Sometimes we forget all the little things that go into making us who we are.
After a few more minutes of walking I made it back to the apartment. It was warmer than outside, but not warm enough by my standards. Before getting changed I wanted to make sure Lex would oblige to join my date with Cole.
"Lexington," sometimes I made up names for Lex.
"The fun cloud is back," Lex called from behind his bedroom door.
"Lexington I need to ask you something," I stood closer to his door.
"Alright, just hold on for a sec," Lex was clearly doing something else in his room.
The door opened after a minute to reveal Lex wearing basketball shorts. It was also obvious that Alyssa was here as she was lying in bed looking at me. There's something about a man who just finished having sex which makes him even more attractive. Lex's body was coursing with blood, hormones, and dominance. His muscles exuded power and masculinity.
"Oh good you're both here. I wanted to ask if you had plans for 4 this afternoon," I wasn't going to ignore Alyssa's presence.
"Not that I know of," Lex responded.
"Then I propose you come with Cole and me to the bowling alley. Alyssa is encouraged to come as well. Like a double date," I stated.
"Oh say yes Lex, that sounds fun," Alyssa sounded excited.
"See you at 4," Lex replied and closed the door.
With my plan in action I went to go and change my clothes. I had to maintain a level of warmth and still look good for the date. My decision was jeans and a burnt orange sweater. For the time between then and the date I decided to listen to Air and read video game reviews. Music really was my solution to a lot of things. It was almost a way for me to express my feelings to myself.
Cole arrived promptly at 4 that afternoon. He looked so cute and handsome, stunning almost. His jeans fit so perfectly, as if they were molded just for him. The white button-down shirt also fit him equally well, and he was wearing a black varsity jacket. Not much was left to the imagination given the perfect fit of his clothes. I had a hard time not remembering his naked butt from the night prior. Once Cole was inside, I went and knocked on Lex's door.
"Ready to go?" I asked once he opened the door, this time he was dressed appropriately.
"Yup let's get moving," Lex and Alyssa exited the room and we headed out of the apartment.
Cole immediately grabbed my hand as we walked to the bowling alley. This was something I hadn't experienced before, but I enjoyed it. I hoped this meant Cole was getting over his issues and trusted himself to be seen with me in public. That bird on the sidewalk must have gotten up to fly at some point. Aside from holding hands our walk was relatively quiet. Maybe change couldn't come so quickly. For some people, change could never come at all.
"I don't want you bowling here."
That's all it took to ruin my plan. One sixty eight year old small business owner with little more than his high school education. One man who grew up in an era where the rest of the world melted away as our society flourished. Someone who learned from the hard work of his parents and upheld the values he was taught. A man who could only see things one way. Someone who would never change.
Cole and I hadn't stopped holding hands when we walked in, and the owner must have noticed. As soon as Lex went to ask for an open lane we were told there were none for us. Strangely enough we never stopped holding hands. In fact, I felt Cole clasp mine tighter. I thought my plan was ruined, but I guess I didn't know Lex well enough.
"Is our money no good here?" Lex asked.
"I said I don't want you bowling here," the man repeated.
"Yeah I get it. You're just some washed up old man who's owned the same bowling alley for forty years. You started out as a loser and you haven't changed since. Only the problem now is everyone is going to know you're a bigoted piece of shit," and with that Lex turned towards the door to leave.
The old man may have had some response but I never heard it. I was too stunned by what Lex had said. Cole dragged me out of the bowling alley over to Lex and Alyssa.
"You sure told them. Don't think now that everyone on campus won't know about this guy," Alyssa said and gave Lex a hug.
"Yeah that guy was fucked up. Let's just skip bowling and go eat Thai food," Lex said and we left.
I knew in that moment that change was hard to come by, but it did happen. There was a difference of two generations between Lex and that man. My friend really was something special to stand up for us. It was clear that word would spread and Lex would probably become "defender of the gay community". But to Lex none of that mattered because he did what was right.
Our dinner was incredible compared to the bowling incident. Lex and Cole really did enjoy each other's company. I was also starting to get to know Alyssa better. Surprisingly, she was part of a ton of advocacy groups on campus for all sorts of issues. I shouldn't have put it past Lex to go after the rebel with a cause. After we had finished eating, Cole and I headed back to his apartment. We stopped along the way to sit on a rock and watch the stars come out.
"Lex and Alyssa are really nice," Cole said with his head turned upwards.
"Yeah they're great friends to have. I'm glad Lex said what he did," I could see the moon easily.
"I know, I can't believe he stood up for us like that. But why should we even have to deal with people like that? It just doesn't seem fair," Cole was a little frustrated.
"No it isn't fair. But it is good to know we have friends we can trust."
"Yeah I guess so."
"Did you just see that shooting star?"
"No, did you make a wish?"
"Why would I do that?"
"Everyone wishes on shooting stars, but I guess you aren't normal so that makes sense."
"I meant that I have everything I could want right here," I hugged Cole.
We stayed like that for a few minutes. I knew this was the time and that he could handle it. Love was never something I was familiar with until I met Cole. A feeling of devotion, passion, protection, and completion.
"Cole, you make me feel unbreakable," I looked into his eyes.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's as if I could be hurt or chipped away, but I know I can always be put back together. I think it's like love," I said it.
"What?" Cole was stunned.
"I love you Coleton. I always knew it but I never felt it until now. You make me feel so many different things and teach me so much. I never want to be without you. I love you," I was almost crying at this point.
"I love you too."