DISCLAIMER: This story is based in truth. Some events/persons have been altered for the purpose of the story. There may be scenes of unsafe practices which are not endorsed by this author. All other usual warnings and precautions should be considered here. Feel free to write with any comments, corrections, etc. Think of this as a Gedankenexperiment. And remember to donate to Nifty to support all of these great stories.
Lucas,
Classes here are really great. British history is a lot more complicated, and interesting, than American history. Lenny and I have been hanging out pretty often. He kind of reminds me of you, but I don't really know how. I'm sorry these emails have been short. I don't spend a whole lot of time in my apartment. Can you believe I'm living in London?
~
Complicated situations can develop very quickly. It doesn't take very much for relationships to change or events to go from good to bad. Often it only takes a few words to spark a whole slew of unanticipated reactions. However, one act can trigger a cascade of effects which are irreversible and each one is more powerful than the last. With each new development the chain becomes harder to break.
I had never set out to hurt Noah. Then again I had never set out to do much of any of the things which happened during my junior year. For a while I was just living my life as it happened. But that all changed a few weeks after the start of my semester back.
February was such a cold month at school. I spent nearly ten or fifteen minutes each day bundling myself before heading outside. Despite my efforts I still always felt chilled. It never snowed that month, but the wind and dry air were enough to make me miserable.
I can't blame the weather for what I did. Even recounting the events as they transpired still sheds little light on my motives. I nearly ruined a friendship and I'm pretty sure I broke a heart. When things get bad it's difficult to decide what to salvage.
Noah and I had seen each other at least five times each week and we usually had sex on the weekends. Still, I didn't let him fuck me. The reason was that all we were doing was fucking. Sure we were dating, but I wasn't in love with him. Clearly things were doomed from the start.
He was fun to be around and great to look at, but there was no connection. I tried making things work in the beginning. We couldn't really relate about sports or indie music and talking about classes only got us so far. As the days passed I started to get bored with Noah. He was becoming too routine and I needed something organic. Maybe this was one reason that lead me to act a little more impulsively.
Another thing, which at the time I found slightly odd to admit, was that Noah's physique began to lose its luster. Not that he gave up on being fit, in fact he grew more muscular. It was that to me all of that was too much. The image of a ripped warrior born of the times when battles were fought with swords was not all that attractive to me. I wanted someone who wasn't so perfect.
The more I reinforced these beliefs, the less I wanted to be with Noah. Really it was all very selfish. I should have told him how I felt and guided him on a path to real fulfillment. But that didn't happen. Instead I did something awful. If only real life could reset like in the comics. But there was no resolution to my infinite crisis.
One Friday evening I had arranged to see Noah for some drinking and whatever would occur afterwards. It was just after dinner, around six, when Kyle and I started having a few beers and watching TV. I think it was some sort of boxing match. Lex had gone over to spend some time with Alyssa. I was happy he found someone great to be with. Kyle and I talked about how things were going between reactions to the crushing blows on TV. All the while I was deferring requests from Noah. He kept asking me what I was doing and when I would be coming over. I continued to give vague and delayed answers.
"Would you ever go up against one of those guys? For like ten million dollars?" Kyle asked as he finished his third beer.
"Yeah I would do it. Plus it would cover the hospital bills after. But I'd try it," I took another sip. At this point I determined I was much more of dark beer drinker. Unfortunately darker beers were much heavier, and I believed more potent.
"Wow no way they'd kill you! One haymaker and, BAM, dead," Kyle was his excited self.
"Well at least I would have a cool obituary. Dead at the hands of a pro boxer. This is just a win-win situation," I replied smartly.
"I think it'd be kinda sad if you died," Kyle cracked open another can of Bud.
"Yeah maybe. I've always wanted to kill myself so maybe we can find out," I was joking of course.
"Quit it dude I'm being serious here. Lucas, I need to tell you something, promise you tell no one else," Kyle was suddenly very serious and I was kind of surprised.
"Sure go ahead," I couldn't think of much else to say.
"Well last semester you told us you were gay. At first I was like whoa that was unexpected. Then I didn't really hang out with you and Lex like we usually did," Kyle sighed.
"Yeah that's alright bud, no hard feelings," he was allowed to think and be busy with other things.
"That's not the whole thing. I stayed away because I was scared. I was scared you guys would find something out about me. Lucas, I think I'm bi," Kyle was having a tough time admitting it to me.
"Hey man that's totally cool. I'm here for you like you were there for me," I put my hand on Kyle's shoulder.
"Yeah thanks, but there's another problem. I've always been kind of attracted to you. Once you and Cole started dating I was kinda upset. But then I didn't want to ruin things for you either. Now it's hard to see you with Noah," Kyle was really distraught. But leave it to him to put everyone else before himself.
"Wow you really are one of the best friends I've got. But to tell you the truth, Noah is starting to bug me. He was just someone to hookup with I guess," I confessed.
"I guess that's too bad. But Lucas do you think we could do just one thing," this was where I knew a bad idea was starting.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean I never want to be more than just best friends. But I have always wanted to have sex with you. Just once, then everything can be behind us for good," Kyle really wanted to do it with me.
"So you get behind me then we set it behind us? Sure why not," I have no idea why I agreed. Did I think I was being clever? Was I doing Kyle a favor?
There is no good explanation for me having sex with Kyle. I knew that things get more complicated once that was in the question. It was stupid of me to think we could still be "just friends". But I did it anyway. If I'm being honest I was a little curious about it too and I would be lying if I said I didn't find Kyle attractive. In reality I kind of wanted to do it, but knew I shouldn't even think about it.
Kyle clicked off the TV and we went into his room. There were few occasions through the year when I found I had to go into Kyle's room. It was slightly messy, or at least messier than my room. A few articles of clothing were scattered about on the floor and the bed wasn't really made. But the closet was kept relatively neat along with his desk. The more I looked around the room the more it seemed to be an organized mess. But the room wasn't really my focus.
We didn't even bother to close the door since Lex wasn't returning before tomorrow. At first we kind of just stood there at stared at each other before Kyle had a grin on his face. Then he kissed my neck as his hands went under my shirt to hold my waist. I liked feeling close to him. Kyle moved to remove my shirt and I obliged without hesitation. There was a fair amount of holding and rubbing and kissing, but never on the lips, before both of us were totally naked. I really enjoyed exploring and looking at Kyle's body, much more than I was enjoying Noah's lately. Admittedly, Kyle looked a little heavier than when we arrived a few months ago, but I didn't care because he still had an air of strength about him. Plus even without talking he exuded that sense of excited confidence everyone loved about him.
I ran my fingers through his hair before asking, "Are you going to fuck me or what?" Sure it was a slightly blunt way of putting it but I was hard at this point, and I knew he was too. I don't think I will meet anyone who measures up to Noah, but I think in the sexual department Kyle and Cole were about even.
Kyle knew his way around my ass which I found surprising. It's possible that his declaration of being bi was tested before he delivered it to me. I can't keep track of everyone all the time. After getting stretched by Noah over the past few weeks I had no problem taking Kyle in with just a little lube. He was really enjoying things and I had to tell him to slow things down a little. The bed creaked just slightly amidst our low moans and grunts of pleasure. I was on my hands and knees while he took me from behind.
Not for a second did I stop to consider what we were doing. Not for a moment did I think this could be a bad idea. Never did I believe that I would let one of my friends do this to me. But like most of my life it was happening and I was going along with it. It was impossible for me to foresee how this would spiral before I went to sleep that night.
The familiar feeling of cum filling my bowels was met with a loud outburst from Kyle. He kept pumping away even through his orgasm and as his episode drew down he reached over to get me off. I suppose Kyle wasn't really into anything oral at this point. Never once did he use his mouth aside from kissing me. It was a shame because it meant I shot off all over his sheets. But it felt as good as every other orgasm I've ever had.
"Want to hit the bars?" Kyle asked as he withdrew from me. The slimy feeling of emptiness was getting easier to bear.
"Yeah let me just take a shower really quick," I replied.
"Whiskey shots for every minute over five," he replied as he tore the sheets from the bed.
I gathered my things and showered quickly, but I must have lost track of the time. I ended up doing two shots. Kyle did two as well. It was rather cold outside, but it didn't really feel that way to me. Kyle and I laughed and smiled the whole way up to the bar.
At this point in the night I had basically ignored my cellphone. In fact, I had left it back in my apartment once we left. Luckily I remembered my wallet and keys. Unfortunately for me, Noah was also at this very bar. Call it bad timing or call it karma, either way it did not lead to a good situation. He had tried to contact me so many times that night just to hang out and all I did was put him off.
Noah was there with some buddies from the soccer team. I guess that the mix of alcohol and spite was what made him into a kind of a stereotypical jock that evening. Plus the presence of his buddies didn't help. Kyle and I were ordering drinks at the bar when Noah must have seen me. Immediately he carved through the crowd to grab my shoulder.
"What a surprise to see you here, why didn't you tell me you were coming?" it was clear that he was angry.
"My phone's still home," this was probably the worst time for me to try and communicate. I doubted my alcohol tolerance was on the level of Noah or Kyle.
"Dude you didn't text me anything other than, be over soon, the whole night. And you were never fucking over, so I left. What the hell Lucas?" he pushed me back and I knocked into Kyle who was just leaving a tip for the bartender.
"Hey buddy be more careful when you push my friend around," Kyle said in a tone which was getting serious.
"Noah, can we go out of the bar please for talking purposes," I managed to say as I moved from Kyle to the door. Kyle set his drinks down and followed me out, and Noah reluctantly followed soon after.
"Why's he coming with us?" Noah pointed at Kyle.
"Because I live with him," I answered as I stepped outside.
"Buddy why don't you just layoff and go find someone else to be your fuck buddy for a while," Kyle did not offer the best choice of words to diffuse the situation.
"Hey this is between me and Lucas, just stay out of this," Noah replied.
We were standing out in the empty parking lot behind the bar. There were no cars but there was one kid smoking a cigarette against the back of the bar. I knew that at this point I was finally making a choice in my life. I had to take control and somehow stop Kyle from hitting Noah and vice versa. At the same time I had to tell Noah that Kyle was essentially correct in his statement. But I also had to avoid hurting Kyle by making him think we were anything more than "just friends". So I gave it my best effort.
"Noah's right Kyle. I have to settle this with him. Plus I wouldn't get paid if I had to fight anyone, I'm not a boxer y'know. Noah I really think you need to start looking for someone who wants to be your boyfriend. I don't like you in the way you maybe like me. I think. Plus you're fucking hot and all that shit so why not just go do it. I'm not what's right for you," I thought it would suffice.
"Lucas this is just shitty. I've never felt like this with anyone else and you're being such an asshole about it. You'll see I'll be fucking someone way hotter than you by the end of the night. I hope you end up dead," Noah turned and I could tell he was crying.
"Let's go home Lucas," Kyle said and so we left.
"You know, someday I will end up dead," I said on our walk home.
"I know, and I'll be sad," Kyle replied.